WWE SmackDown! General Manager Booker T opens tonight’s broadcast, and he has some business to take care of. We’ve watched his career for years, and we know if he has business to take care of, he’ll do it in the middle of the ring, or to the back, or to the street, or to a supermarket. He knows what it’s like to be in a hot feud, but now he’s the GM. It’s his responsibility to give us a great show each week, which brings him to his next point. Big Show and Sheamus, right now, it’s personal. When things get personal, they also get physical.
Big Show makes his way out first, followed by Sheamus. A contract table is set up in the ring, so you know it’s either going to get turned over, or someone is going through it. Considering their match isn’t a Tables Match, I’m going with the former. Book tells Sheamus if he wants to disobey him, go ahead, but he’ll lose his title match at TLC. As for Show, he might have an iron-clad contract, but Book knows he loves the World title. If he wants to disobey him, Book will strip him of the title. So, let’s get down to business. He asks Sheamus to sign first. Sheamus looks it over for a minute, then tells Show that, since it’s the holiday season, having to wait 9 days to kick Show’s arse is like waiting for Christmas. He used to hate having to wait to open presents, but in the end, it was always worth it.
In 9 days time, his Christmas comes early and he gets the gift of beating Show head-to-toe with a steel a chair. In the end, he guarantees, fella, he will get the ultimate present with the World title. Sheamus then signs the contract, and it’s now Show’s turn. Show also pretends to look it over, then tells Sheamus Christmas for him has come early. The purpose of the contract is to make sure Sheamus makes it to TLC in one piece. Be careful what you wish for, fella. Sheamus hit him with a chair 25 or 30 times, and Show still got up. What happens when a giant swings a chair and destroys the Irish skin of Sheamus, fella?
He only has to hit Sheamus once. The worst thing Sheamus could do was ask for a Chairs Match, and he should get out of it. He’s too stupid to realize what he’s doing to himself. If Show hits him, it’ll change him forever. He might end Sheamus’ career at TLC. Difference between them is Show thinks things through. Sheamus is all vinegar and fire, and his Irish temper gets the best of him. Sheamus says Show looks ridiculous right now. All he came to WWE for was to fight, and their last two matches have been the greatest fights of Show’s career. Sheamus made him relevant again, and doesn’t think Show has another fight in him. He believes deep down in Show’s big belly that he’s shaking. This match could be the end of him, and he will gladly end Show’s career at TLC. Before Show signs the contract, he shoves the table over the top of Sheamus, then stands up to sign it. Show starts laughing, as Sheamus now cannot retaliate until TLC. Book tries to calm Sheamus down, and says he’s got someone for Sheamus to take his frustrations out on tonight, and that’s Alberto Del Rio. As for Show, he’s got a match with the man who beat him in 45 seconds, that being Daniel Bryan, and that match is next.
MATCH 1: World Champion The Big Show vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Daniel Bryan (non-title)
Bryan hits some kicks to the leg, but Show headbutts him down. Open-hand chop by Show, and Bryan retaliates with more kicks. Show throws Bryan to the corner for more chops, but Bryan escapes and hits more kicks. Show drops him with one body shot, then hits a big bodyslam. Show hits another headbutt, then another. Show hits another open-hand chop. Bryan tries some chops, and Show no-sells them, hitting another body shot. Show hits a hip bump in the corner and goes for the spear, but Bryan hits a dropkick to the knee, sending him to the floor. Bryan takes him down with a plancha. Show picks him up to lawn dart him into the post, but Bryan escapes and shoves Show into it. Bryan runs off the apron, but gets hit with a chop to the chest. Commercials.
Back from the break, the match is back in the ring, and Show hits a big elbow drop for 2. Show starts working on Bryan’s left arm now with some elbows. Bryan tries to fight back from his knees, but no luck. Show proceeds to stand on Bryan’s arm before tying it up in the ropes in a hammerlock. Bryan tries more kicks, but Show clubs him down. Show snaps Bryan down to the mat with an arm wringer. Bryan blocks a corner charge and hits a knee strike from the middle rope. He hits a pair of running corner dropkicks, sending Show to his knees. Bryan hits several kicks to the chest, but Show blocks the Buzzsaw and goes for the chokeslam. He gets Bryan up, but Bryan counters with a DDT for 1. Bryan lands the Buzzsaw this time, then goes up top. As he does, we see The Shield coming down through the crowd. Show hits the chokeslam off the distraction and gets the 3.
WINNER: The Big Show. The Shield come over the barricade as Show leaves the ring. They enter and proceed to triple-team Bryan. Kane’s pyro hits, and he makes his way down to the ring. He fights them off for a moment, but the numbers are too much. They brawl with Kane on the floor, beating him down. Roman Reigns tears the announce desk apart, and they hit the triple powerbomb through the table. Love them or hate them, the members of The Shield are the future of this company.
Damien Sandow makes his way out. Silence the music, he is about to speak. As your intellectual savior, he has attempted to raise the cerebral bar her in WWE for far too long. This attempt has proven itself to be a fruitless endeavor. However, he is going to give one of us the opportunity to become his apprentice this evening. Who amongst us is worthy of such an esteemed position? Please settle down, you’re acting like a bunch of ignoramuses. Settle down. This gets worse every week. Sandow points at one guy and tell security to escort the man to the ring. As always, he urges everyone pay very close attention and test yourselves, because next time, it may be you. Sir, please hurry up. Yes, use the steps. Very good. Now, sir. You have the enviable opportunity of becoming his apprentice. Now, all you have to do-please don’t stand so close to him-is answer three questions correctly. #1: 5 plus 5 equals? The man answers 10. Congratulations, you’ve passed math. #2: Who is the current President of the United States? The man answers Barack Obama, then looks for a high-five from Sandow. Sir, your palms are very sweaty. That is very bad form. Please put your hands by your sides. #3: What 17th century genre of art emanating from the Netherlands focused on still life paintings, depicting mortality and transience? Of course, the man doesn’t know the answer. Sandow is not surprised, and asks the crowd if anyone has the answer. Vanitas! That is the answer. You have disgraced yourself; you have disgraced everyone in this building. That beard on your face is a disgrace to faces everywhere. You sir, lose. You’re welcome!
The Miz heads out to the ring on this note. Miz asks him to answer a question. What 21st century WWE superstar wears his daddy’s bathrobe and buys his pink trunks from Victoria’s Secret? The answer? Damien Sandow. You’re welcome. Miz then leaves the ring. Not sure the point of that, unless they’re building to a TLC match, which could be decent.
MATCH 2: Brodus Clay and The Usos (Jey and Jimmy) (w/The Funkadactyls) vs. 3MB (Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater)
Jey and Slater start the match with a lock-up. Slater shoulders him down, and Jey comes back with a jumping clothesline. Jimmy tags in and hits a headbutt for 2. Slater backs him into the corner and tags in Drew. Drew stomps Jimmy down, but Jimmy comes back with a mule kick. Drew boots him down out of the corner. Jimmy escapes a bodyslam and tags in Clay, who hits a clothesline and an avalanche. Exploder suplex connects, and Jey tags back in. He goes up top as Slater and Mahal pull Clay off the apron and beat him down on the outside. Jimmy takes Mahal out with a dive off the top. Jey kicks Slater off the apron, but gets crotched by Drew. Drew hits the Future Shock and gets the 3.
Up next, Randy Orton faces Wade Barrett once more.
Matt Striker is in the back with Wade Barrett, talking about The Shield. Barrett says Orton doesn’t need to be concerned with The Shield; he needs to be concerned with him. A year ago, he threw Orton down a flight of stairs and put him out for weeks. Tonight, he’ll put Orton out of his misery. The only thing he needs to be concerned about this evening is The Bullhammer.
Kofi Kingston is going to be doing color commentary for the next match.
MATCH 3: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Orton starts with a side headlock, and shoulders Barrett down off the ropes. Barrett goes into a waistlock, and Orton reverses. Barrett backs him into the corner, and elbows his way out before beating Orton down. Orton comes back with a clothesline out of the corner. Orton sends Barrett into the corner, and Barrett answers with a boot. He kicks Orton in the ribs, but misses a kneedrop. Orton hurls him to the floor and they trade slam attempts into the steps until Orton connects on his second try. He throws Barrett into the barricade before rolling him back into the ring. Barrett rolls back to the floor. Orton follows, where he’s met with a boot. Barrett whips him into the steps before throwing him back in. Orton meets him with a boot and goes for the suspended DDT, but Barrett back drops him to the floor. Orton lands on the apron, so Barrett mule kicks him to down to the floor. Commercials.
We’re back, and Barrett has a rear chinlock applied. Orton fights out before running into a big boot for 2. Barrett ties Orton up in the ropes. Orton fights him off, but Barrrett hits a running boot, sending Orton back to the floor. Barrett heads outside, ramming Orton back-first into the apron. Back in the ring, Barrett gets 2. Kneedrop connects, and now Barrett is stomping him down. He misses an elbow from the middle rope, and Orton fires off the Four Moves of Boredom, connecting with all four. RKO is signaled, but Barrett blocks it before attempting to take off the buckle pad as the referee is checking on Orton. Kingston jumps on the apron, and the distraction is enough for Orton to connect with the RKO for the 3.
WINNER: Randy Orton. Yeah, that makes sense. Have the guy who has a title match at TLC lose, while the guy who has nothing coming up at the PPV gets a win that he didn’t need.
Up next, Hornswoggle and The Great Khali in a tag team match. No. Really.
MATCH 4: Epico and Primo (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. The Great Khali and Hornswoggle (w/Natalya)
I’m not recapping this match. No. It’s not happening. Sorry, Khali fans, but the 2 of you will just have to deal with me not recapping his awfulness. As for Hornswoggle…just…just…screw him. Seriously, screw him. Hornswoggle pins Epico with the Tadpole Splash.
WINNERS: Absolutely no one.
We get a Tout video from The Shield from an unknown location. They are talking about injustice and consequences, in regards to Miz and Orton. They shield WWE from injustice. Team Hell No!, no one says no to them. Ryback has been handed everything on a silver platter, but they’re putting a stop to that. They don’t work for anyone; they work for each other. At TLC, The Shield brings a sword.
WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro is in the ring. At TLC, he will be defending the title against R-Truth once again. Cesaro says that, as our US Champion, he has learned so much about America. What has he learned about the so-called greatest country on Earth? He has learned it is weak. America used to be a superpower and there used to be a thing called, “The American Dream”, a belief that anyone could achieve anything. Now that’s a lie. He guarantees most of us-actually, all of us-will never amount to anything. We used to pursue the American Dream, now we look like the American Dream. We then get a quick clip of Dusty Rhodes’ music and a picture of him on the TitanTron as Cesaro just shakes his head. We don’t know anything about hard work and sacrifice anymore. When he looks at America today, he loses all hope. The sad thing is, our children and grandchildren will be more pathetic than we are today.
Before he can go further, R-Truth makes his way onto the stage. He tells Cesaro he doesn’t need a new purse or a Ricola. He needs a dose of the Truth. Cesaro isn’t from around here, because around here, the Truth shall set you free. When he looks across America, he sees a bunch of good, hard-working people, rising up in the face of hard times. He sees hard-working people busting their butts to the bone, trying to make ends meet. He sees them staring trouble in the face, and when the time is right, those same people will kick trouble right in its Lil’ Jimmy. It sounds like Cesaro is picking a fight with America. When you pick a fight with America, it fights back. Cesaro calls Truth everything wrong with America. He talks trash and can’t back it up. Truth is delusional, and that has nothing to do with him having an imaginary friend; it has everything to do with him trying to take Cesaro’s US title, and, like all Americans, failing miserably. THAT’S the truth. Truth says maybe Cesaro doesn’t understand what he’s saying. What he’s saying is when you kick his dog, he’s going to kick your cat (?). Truth spears Cesaro and goes for a jumping side kick, but Cesaro slides to the floor and heads up the ramp.
Sheamus/ADR is up next.
MATCH 5: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Sheamus
Tie-up to start, and Sheamus gets ADR in a headlock in the corner. Sheamus beats ADR down with forearms, sending him to the floor. Back in, Sheamus throws ADR to the corner, but ADr comes back with a kneelift and some punches. ADR hits a kick to the side, then uses a foot choke. Sheamus gets his boots up on the charge, then nails a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Sheamus grinds his knee into ADR’s face. He hits a back elbow off the ropes, and ADR rolls to the floor. Sheamus follows out and slams ADR face-first into the announce desk. Back in, Sheamus tries for a suplex from the apron to the floor. ADR counters with a hotshot and dropkicks Sheamus in the knee, sending him back down. Big Show makes his way onto the stage to look on. Commercials.
WINNER: Sheamus. Honestly, this was probably their best match. Show walks down to ringside, applauding. He climbs in the ring, and Show straps his belt to the ropes. He begs Sheamus to hit him, and Sheamus signals for the Brogue Kick. Instead, he sends Ricardo head-first into Show’s groin.
End of show.
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