As weird as it sounds, I had a dream about watching this episode, and it was beyond awful. All I can say is that, if the show ends with four unknown fata$$es in a tag team match, I’m going to be very upset.
Sting and Hulk Hogan are in Hogan’s office. Hogan wishes he could be by Sting’s side for BFG. Hogan goes over the situation, and tells Sting to put a bullet in Aces and Eights. Sting is going to watch every match tonight, and make his choice for a partner based on the match results. Sting tells Hogan that, if he sees someone that looks good, let him know.
MATCH 1: Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner (w/Kid Kash)
Gunner immediately attacks Anderson, firing off some punches in the corner. Anderson comes back with a clothesline, back elbow and swinging neckbreaker for 1. Gunner comes back with more punches and a back elbow. I swear sometimes he has no other offense. Anderson lands a dropkick, and Gunner rolls to the floor. Outside, Anderson is distracted by Kash, allowing Gunner to nail a double axe handle from behind. We see Sting watching on as Gunner throws Anderson back into the ring. Back elbow off the ropes gets 2. Gunner applies a rear chinlock/armbar combo. He whips Anderson into the corner, but misses an avalanche. He fights out of a rolling fireman’s carry, but runs right into the Mic Check for 3.
WINNER: Mr. Anderson. Kash runs in and begins stomping Anderson, but Anderson blocks a clothesline and drops Kash with the Mic Check.
Tara is in the back, talking to her boyfriend on her phone. She mentiones Stacy and George breaking up. Gail Kim interrupts her call, saying they have a tag match later. Tara says she and her boyfriend should double with Kim and her cable television star husband. Tara then calls Torrie and A-Rod.
MATCH 2: Gail Kim and Tara vs. Knockouts Tag Team Co-Champion ODB and Knockouts Champion Miss Tessmacher
Can someone explain to Tara that the purpose of garters is to hold up stockings (which she doesn’t have on)? ODB and Kim start, with ODB chest-bumping Kim to the ground. ODB throws Kim to the corner and lands an avalanche. She goes for the Bammm! early, but Kim fights out. ODB blocks a kick and lands a clothesline, followed by a bodyslam. Tessy tags in and sends Kim into the corner with a Dropsh*t, followed by a stinkface. ODB tags in and goes for a bronco buster, but Kim gets out of the way. Tara tags in, and ODB hits a hard corner whip, followed by a bronco buster. Tara goes for a dropkick off the ropes, but ODB holds on, dropping Kim with a forearm in the process. Tara clubs her from behind before landing some mounted punches and tagging Kim back in. Kim botches a European uppercut (?) before sending ODB into the corner and hitting her with the shoulder thrust she does that winds up with her standing on the apron. Tara calls for a tag, and Kim waves her off. Flying clothesline gets 2. Tara tags herself in and begins stomping ODB. ODB blocks the standing moonsault, and now both women are down. Tessy tags in and fires off some forearm shots. She hits a pair of clotheslines, and because we no longer have Kelly Kelly around, decides to do a screaming headscissors. Now, I officially hate Miss Tessmacher. Anyway, she blows the living hell out of a flying forearm before landing the Mug Shot for 2 as Kim breaks up the pin. ODB spears Kim while drinking from her flask. From the apron, Kim pulls ODB down to the floor. Tara shoves Kim into Tessy, then hits the Widow’s Peak for 3.
WINNERS: Gail Kim and Tara.
We see Al Snow and Bruce Prichard going over some kind of paperwork in the back. Prichard tells Snow to make sure to sign it before asking him to send D’Lo Brown to see him when he can.
Video package for the Joey Ryan saga.
Al Snow makes his way out. I’m guessing this is some kind of apology segment in regards to the Joey Ryan storyline. Sure enough, Snow introduces Ryan, and he’s even got his own entrance music. Snow says that, several weeks ago, he allowed his emotions to overcome his better judgment, resulting in him striking Ryan and putting himself and the company in a bad position. As a result, on behalf of TNA, he’d like to apologize for his actions. Ryan tells him to say he’s sorry. He says Snow is an office stooge, but he doesn’t want to hear an apology on behalf of TNA management; he wants to hear, “I’m sorry”. Snow says it and offers a handshake. Ryan says he’s the one in control. He calls Snow pathetic, and he manipulated Snow just like he did the 87%. Tonight’s not about Snow or the crowd; tonight is about Joey Ryan. So, Al, why don’t you go ahead and share with everyone the agreement our legal counsel came to? Snow pulls the paperwork out, and it’s a contract to become a TNA wrestler. Ryan says it’s not tough to do the right thing as he grabs the paper. Ryan asks Snow to turn around so he can sign the papers on Snow’s back. Snow obliges, and Ryan signs his contract. He tells Snow to announce him as the newest TNA superstar. Snow says he’s sorry, but Ryan should have read this more closely. Turns out, he doesn’t have a permanent spot, and the contract is for one night. The night in question is BFG, and he has the opportunity to be on the roster if he wins his match. His opponent is Snow. Gee, who didn’t see that coming?
Kurt Angle and Sting are in the back. Angle says A and E jumped him, too, and he has no problem doing double duty at BFG. Sting needs someone who has their mind and plate clear on that night. Angle CAN pull off double duty, and Sting is going to at least think about it. As Angle leaves, Bully Ray enters. He tells Sting he should be in the World title match at BFG, but he’s not because of A and E. He wants them worse than anyone else. What does he have to do to convince Sting he should be the partner? Sting tells him to make something happen. Find somebody in the back to beat up tonight. Sting needs a bully.
MATCH 3-World Television Championship: Rob Van Dam vs. Samoa Joe (Champion)
Looks like Devon finally sent the belt back to the company. Tie-up to start, with Joe shoving RVD into the corner. Joe with a waistlock takedown, which RVD counters into a leg grapevine. Joe punches his way out, and now the two trade punches. Joe nails a pair of clotheslines before sending RVD into the corner, where he hits the running hip bump/roundhouse combo. RVD comes back with some punches and tries for the leg scissors roll-up, but Joe holds on and locks in an STF. RVD gets a rope break before rolling to the floor. Joe follows, and RVD drops him with a dropkick to the knee. Joe blocks a lift over the guardrail and hits two knee lifts before sending RVD into the steps. Back in the ring, RVD blocks a corner charge with a back elbow and nails a high kick to the face before hitting a springboard side kick. Rolling Thunder to the back gets 2. He hits a spinning heel kick in the corner and goes for a monkey flip, but Joe holds on and sets RVD on the top rope. RVD kicks him away and hits a cross-body. Step-over spinning heel kick connects, and now RVD signals for the Five-Star. As RVD gets on the top, Joe quickly gets to his feet, grabs RVD and hits a running Muscle Buster for 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Samoa Joe.
AJ Styles is talking to Hernandez and Chavo Guerrero in the back, and they’re arguing about what happened last week. Chris-Zarian enter the fray and try to stir things up. Kaz oh-so-cleverly calls Chavo “Nacho Libre” before telling them that he overheard Angle saying he doesn’t even care about this match and that he can beat Chavo and Hernandez by himself.
Dixie Carter recalls her favorite BFG moments, specifically Sting winning at all of them for the first several years. Big surprise.
King Mo showed up earlier today.
Austin Aries and Jeff Hardy are in the parking lot. Aries gives a back-handed apology to Hardy for last week, saying they’re cool now. Bully Ray walks up and says he has good news and bad news. The good news is he’s not punching them right now. Bad news is he’ll do it later in the match. To prove himself to Sting, he’s going to beat the #1 contender for the World title, that being Hardy. Aries takes offense to that, saying he can prove himself by beating the champion. Ray says he already beat him, to which Aries says Ray has never beaten him cleanly. Ray says he can take the title with the snap of his fingers. Hardy suggests a triple threat tonight, and Ray likes it.
MATCH 4: Chavo Guerrero (w/Hernandez) vs. Kurt Angle (w/AJ Styles)
I haven’t heard music as generic as Chavo’s in TNA since Glenn Gilbertti’s/Sonjay Dutt’s old theme. They start off with a tie-up and trading waistlocks. Chavo gets Angle in a side headlock. Chavo lands a shoulder off the ropes before cinching in another headlock (that he nearly botches). Angle counters with a back suplex, but Chavo hangs onto the headlock. Angle gets back up and backs Chavo into the corner, where he stomps him down. Chavo comes back with some European uppercuts before getting another side headlock on Angle. Innovative stuff here. Angle hits a back body drop off the ropes. He stomps Chavo down once more before using a foot choke. Chavo gets back up and hits more punches. Angle comes back with a clothesline. Suplex gets 1 before going into a waistlock. Chavo fights out, but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. They trade some more punches before Chavo hits a spinning headscissors (that he botches). Angle no-sells and goes for a bodyslam, but Chavo escapes and hits a dropkick. Chavo hits a forward roll for 2. Clothesline attempt, and Angle blocks it before hitting an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Chavo counters the Angle Slam with an armdrag, and follows up with a hurricanrana into the pin for 2. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos, but only hits the first one. Angle blocks the second and connects with the Dead Guy suplexes. Chavo rolls through the ankle lock attempt and hits the 3 Amigos. Up top, Chavo misses the frog splash, allowing Angle to nail the Angle Slam. He goes for the ankle lock, and Hernandez distracts him. This is enough for Chavo to roll Angle up for the 3.
WINNER: Chavo Guerrero. The two teams get in each other’s faces as Chris-Zarian look on from the stage, laughing. The four realize the champs are taunting them and challenge them to come down to the ring.
MATCH 5-World X-Division Championship: Douglas Williams vs. Zema Ion (Champion)
I had almost forgotten this belt exists. I know I say that a lot, but when you consider how few title matches there are on this show and how completely unremarkable Ion is, you can understand why. Ion gets in a couple of cheap shots, so Williams forearms the hell out of his face. Williams hits a couple headbutts to the gut and a European uppercut. Ion counters a bodyslam into a roll-up, but Williams holds onto the ropes and nails a running knee to the face. Clothesline over the ropes. Williams follows and gets a headlock on him with some punches, but Ion shoves him off into the ring post. Back in the ring, Williams connects with a forearm, but it hurts him as well. So, he lands a back elbow next. Ion counters a clothesline into an armbar takedown, then turns it into a hammerlock/jujigatame combo. Williams taps.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Zema Ion. Ion refuses to let go of the hold after the match, so the referee reverses the decision. Williams wins via DQ, but Ion remains champion. Ion grabs a mic and says he’s the first choice for Sting and Hogan against A and E. Well, you can take his name off the list, as he’s too good looking to risk it before saying his catchphrase, which may be worse than James Storm’s.
Video package for King Mo, and I begin to fall asleep. He’ll be out next.
In the back, we see Bruce Prichard with D’Lo Brown. Prichard has an iPad out with some video playing. He asks D’Lo who it is in the video, and D’Lo identifies him as referee Brian Stifler (I don’t know if that’s the correct spelling, nor do I care). The video is from a live event (house show) and asks who is the guy who kicked Stifler in the face. It’s Matt Morgan. Prichard wants to know why Morgan is here. D’Lo says he has no clue, but Prichard doesn’t believe him, as he shows footage of D’Lo escorting Morgan out of the building earlier in the night. He wants to know where D’Lo was the second time around before telling him this can never happen again. D’Lo promises it won’t.
James Storm now makes his way out, back in his Criss Angel outfit. The vest is beyond ridiculous. 10 days until the biggest PPV of the year, BFG. 10 days away from the biggest night of Storm’s life. 10 days away, and it will be 1 year from when his conflict with Bobby Roode started. He’s not coming to BFG to prove he’s a better wrestler or fighter; he’s coming to prove he’s the better man. It seems that the GM doesn’t like his refs to be pushed around, so a special enforcer has been inserted into this match, that being King Mo. Before Mo can come out, Roode interrupts things. He doesn’t give a damn about some Bellator fighter, and quite frankly, neither should Storm. Storm should only be thinking about getting in the ring with Roode, a man he’s never beaten and rode the coattails of for 4 years, not to mention a man he’s been jealous of his whole career. This fire has been burning for a year, and at BFG, it’s going to explode. They’ve proven over the last few weeks that no one in the company can contain it, so Hogan found King Mo. This won’t just be a match; it will be a fight, and Roode won’t stop until he knows he has ended Storm’s career. There isn’t a man on Earth who will stop him, so King Mo, if you think you’re getting in his way, you’ve got another thing coming. This is his world. He’s the It Factor of pro wrestling, and Mo will do nothing to stop him. If Mo was here right now, Roode would say it to his face.
Of course, this is the point Mo comes out. Roode gets in his face and makes fun of his outfit (rightfully so) before shoving him. Mo knocks him on his ass with a shove, so Roode backs off. Mo heads to the ring as Roode heads to the back. Mo gets in the ring and he pretends that he and Storm are going to fight, but Storm just raises his arm before sharing a beer.
Hogan’s back in his office. He tells Sting he already made his pick for BFG. Sting looks at it and says there’s still one more match tonight. He sees something in Bully Ray, and he’s going to watch this match. Hogan says he’s going to watch with him.
How much do you want to bet that the Leader of Aces and Eights turns out to be Eric Bischoff? Even with the voice changer, it sounds like him.
We see Joe Abyss tied up in the chair back at A and E’s clubhouse. He’s apparently out cold, so one of the guys throws a bucket of water on him as another one is sparking a pair of jumper cables. Black Scorpion tells Hogan that Joe is okay, just like they promised. He finds it funny that Hogan and Sting are holding an audition tonight to see who will face A and E. When he posed the question to his brotherhood, he doesn’t have to look far to see who will volunteer. Everyone in the gang is ready to die for the brotherhood. Will the guys in TNA do the same for Hogan? 10 days, they’ll reveal who their two are. The camera goes black.
MATCH 6-Triple Threat Match: Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy vs. World Champion Austin Aries (non-title)
The match goes to commercial before it even starts, and when we come back, Ray is in control on Hardy as Aries is on the outside. Hardy counters a suplex with his own, and Ray rolls to the floor. Aries back in, but before they can make contact, Ray drags Hardy to the floor and throws him into the ring post. Ray in the ring, and Aries beats him down. Ray comes back with a back elbow, but runs into a pair of boots in the corner. Aries mounts the middle rope and hits a clothesline (that Taz calls a “top rope cross-body”). Ray counters the corner dropkick with a big boot, but Hardy comes back in and hits Poetry in Motion off Aries’ back. Hardy hits a running forearm on Ray, followed by an inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick. Sit-out Twist of Fate connects, and now Hardy’s going up top. Swanton bomb connects, but Aries breaks up the pin and throws Hardy to the floor. He locks Ray in the Last Chancery, and Hardy breaks that up. Aries and Hardy trade words, which allows Ray to nail a double clothesline. He throws Hardy to the floor, and Aries nails him with a rolling elbow to the back. Ray back drops him to the floor on Hardy. Ray pulls Aries back to the apron, where Aries hot shots him before hitting a missile dropkick. Aries hits the corner dropkick and signals for the brainbuster, but Ray rakes the eyes. He goes outside to get his chain, but can’t find it. Instead, he grabs the World title while calling Christy Hemme a “stupid bitch”. He sees Hardy coming in, so he moves and throws Hardy into Aries before landing the Bully Bomb on Hardy for the 3.
WINNER: Bully Ray. Aries begins laying into Hardy for screwing up again.
Up next, we find out who will be Sting’s partner.
Sting and Hogan make their way out. Despite the fact that this mainly supposed to be about Sting, Hogan’s graphics are all over the screen, making sure not too much attention is diverted from him. Hogan says to say that Aces and Eights running roughshod is an understatement. But, they’re going to play by A and E’s rules. He can’t grasp how personal this is getting. To single him out is getting too personal. If A and E wants him to watch, he’ll watch, but the one they have to worry about is the “Sting-Mon”. Believe him, Sting is going to do everything he can to keep A and E out of TNA forever. He needs a running mate. Kurt Angle wants to rip them limb from limb. Samoa Joe feels the same way. Even Bully Ray has the same agenda. At the end of the day, though, they need someone who can get the job done when it needs to be done. And tonight, the man he and Sting agreed upon delivered two Mic Checks, and that man is Mr. Anderson. Of course he is.
End of show.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
-DustinAces & 8s, AJ Styles, Al Snow, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, Bound for Glory 2012, Bully Ray, Chavo Guerrero, Christopher Daniels, Dixie Carter, Douglas Williams, Gail Kim, Gunner, hulk hogan, Impact Wrestling, James Storm, jeff hardy, Joey Ryan, Kazarian, Ken Anderson, Kid Kash, King Mo, Kurt Angle, Madison Rayne, Miss Tessmacher, ODB, Samoa Joe, sting, TNA Wrestling, Zema Ion