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TNA Impact Wrestling Results & January 3 Recap – Sting Returns
Tonight, Sting returns. Again.
Jeremy Borash is in the ring, and we are opening the show with the winner of TNA Wrestler of the Year 2012. He introduces each potential winner, one-by-one. Bully Ray is out first, followed by James Storm, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode and finally Jeff Hardy. Gee, I wonder who will win this. The finalists are all on stage as Jeremy Borash, getting fatter by the second, announces the winner from the ring. Roode and Aries begin to storm the ring as JB announces Jeff Hardy as the winner. They’re both pissed as Hardy walks down to the ring to claim his trophy. Hardy says the trophy means as much to him as the World Championship does. He wanted to have a great 2012, and he did. Roode tells him to cut the crap. Did he just hear Hardy say people’s votes mean as much as the title? That’s a bunch of crap. When he was champion, there was nothing more important on L. Ron Hubbard’s green Earth than being champion. He didn’t care what anyone else thought of him. He set records and made history. He became the longest reigning champion in the history of the company, and the fact that he’ isn’t the Wrestler of the Year is a bunch of bullsh…Excuse me, one second. Aries cuts them both off with that line before calling the WOTY award rigged, and this is a fluke. He averaged 4 stars per match each time, and 2012 was “Total Nonstop Aries”. Hardy interrupts and challenges them both to a triple threat match for the World title at Genesis, then calls 2012 “Year of the Enigma”. Aries doesn’t like this, and clips Hardy’s knee out from behind. The two heels then stomp him down before fighting over who should beat him up. Roode holds Hardy up for Aries to bash him in the gut with the trophy, but Hardy moves, causing Aries to hit Roode. He then lays Aries out with the Twist of Fate before grabbing his broken trophy.
AI stops James Storm to ask about losing the WOTY award. Storm says to just put it on the list of things he needs to work harder at before Bad Influence interrupt him. Christopher Daniels does a Storm impersonation as Kaz interviews him. Storm fakes a laugh and says that he will be champion in 2013, and the only thing that has changed are the faces and asses of people he has to kick. He calls them dweebs, then tells Daniels he’ll kick him in his Twitter and punch Kaz in his Facebook, and before he “logs them both out”, he’s going to write his catchphrase all over their walls. Sweet Jebus. I hope I never hear anything that stupid on a television show ever again. Storm then spits in Daniels’ martini or whatever he’s drinking, then challenges one of them to a match. Kaz makes a lame joke about MySpace. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Kaz and Storm?
MATCH 1: James Storm vs. Kazarian (w/Christopher Daniels)
Daniels makes it look like he’s going to be the one taking the match, but it turns out to be a distraction so Kaz can attack from behind. Kaz stomps Storm down in the corner, then fires off some rights. Storm comes back with punches, and he skins the cat after Kaz tries to throw him to the floor. Back in the ring, Storm ducks a clothesline and hits a Thesz Press with some punches. Clothesline by Storm before he sends Kaz to the floor. Storm hits a plancha to the floor, then gets distracted as Daniels talks some trash. Daniels slides into the ring, and Kaz uses the distraction to clothesline Storm on the floor. Daniels gets some cheap shots in before throwing Storm back in for 2. Kaz applies a rear chinlock, then whips Storm down by the hair and hits a legdrop. Storm hits Closing Time, then fires off more rights and hits a side-Russian legsweep. Up top, Storm hits a flying elbow for 2. Daniels distracts him for a moment, which allows Kaz to hit a seated dropkick in the corner. Kaz hits a TKO for 2. Storm hits another Closing Time, but Daniels jumps on the apron. Storm ducks a clothesline, then hits a kick to the back of the head on Daniels. He avoids a corner charge, and when Kaz tries to come off the middle rope, he jumps right into the Last Call for 3.
WINNER: James Storm.
In the Aces and Eights clubhouse, Devon is with Mr. Anderson, telling him he needs to make a decision right away. Anderson can’t fight what they’re giving him. Anderson says the harder they work to convince him, the more fun they have, so let’s all just chill and think about this for a little bit longer. Besides, he really enjoys their recruitment process.DOC walks up and asks him what the f*ck his answer is. Sting returns tonight, so they need an answer right now. Anderson says that, if they do this, none of them need to show Sting even an ounce of fear. He then hands DOC his hammer. Devon likes this, and says they need to go see what Sting has to say. He asks Thing 1 if he’s seen Devon’s bat, but Thing 1 hasn’t seen it. Boy, there’s a surprise.
Kenny King approaches Kid Kash in the back and calls him an X-Division legend, watching him back on VHS. There’s a 4-man tournament, with the winner facing RVD for the X-Division title. Kash is beating Christian York tonight while King beats Zema Ion next week, and they’ll face each other in the finals.
DOC heads out to the ring, hammer in hand. He wants to know where Sting is, and wants him to come down to join the party. It is 1-3-13, and Sting, you’ve been telling everyone who will listen that DOC is a marked man. He doesn’t feel like one, though. Come out and show yourself, Stinger. This is bullsh*t, and he’s tired of waiting. He’s wasting everyone’s time, so get out here right now and face the man who is going to cripple you once and for all. Everyone wants him out here, so this is his finally reckoning call. Sting, get your ass out here right now. A black bat drops from the ceiling into the ring, and DOC keeps demanding Sting come out.
AI stops Brooke Hogan outside the building, asking if she’s talked to her dad about what’s going on with her and Bully Ray. She says she hasn’t talked to him, but she’s on her way to find out what’s going on now.
MATCH 2-X-Division Tournament semifinal: Kid Kash vs. Christian York
Kash, like always, gets a jobber non-entrance. Kash attacks before York even gets in the ring, dropping him with a clothesline. York comes back with a discus punch before Kash rolls to the floor. He goes for a plancha, but Kash sees it coming and walks away. He pulls York to the floor, hits a chop and a hurricanrana from the ring. Back inside, York counters a springboard dive with a dropkick. York hits a kick from the apron and goes up top, but Kash moves out of the way. Kash goes for a waistlock, and York reverses, ducks a clothesline and hits a big boot. Half-nelson suplex connects and York looks for the Mood Swing, but Kash counters with kneelifts and hits the Bank Roll. Kash chokes York across the middle rope and hits some Tazface punches (yes, that’s what he really calls them). Kash mounts the middle turnbuckle and goes for the twisting moonsault, but York counters by getting his knees up. York fires off some kicks and hits a low complete shot for 2. Kash reverses the Mood Swing with a cradle for 2. He calls for the Money Maker, and York breaks free. Kash ducks a clothesline and goes for a backslide, but York rolls through and hits the Mood Swing for 3.
WINNER: Christian York.
Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez are in the back, talking about how they aren’t afraid of Matt Morgan and Joey Ryan. They’re the champions and aren’t scared of anyone.
The next match was supposed to be Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan, but Morgan comes out in a shoulder sling. He says he’s been dreaming about kicking Morgan’s ass so hard for days. But when you’re tossing 700 or 800 pounds around the gym like it’s your job, accidents and injuries happen. Come Genesis, he’ll be 100% though, and in order to do that, he’s going to sit this one out tonight and Joey Ryan is going to whip Hernandez’s ass.
MATCH 3: World Tag Team Co-Champion Hernandez (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs. Joey Ryan (w/Matt Morgan)
Ryan oils himself up and charges the ring, hitting some forearms. Hernandez comes back with a bodyslam. Over-the-shoulder backbreaker connects. Hernandez goes to the ropes, where Morgan holds onto his leg with the “bad” arm, proving that it’s fine. Ryan tries to suckerpunch him, but Hernandez ducks and connects with the Pounce. As Hernandez celebrates, Morgan hits him with a discus clothesline.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Hernandez. Morgan continues the attack on Hernandez before dropping Chavo with the Carbon Footprint.
Hulk Hogan is on his way to the ring.
Kurt Angle is in the back with the Wonder Twins. He thanks them for having his back, but tonight, Joe has got his back tonight, so he needs them to stay here. Garett Bischoff says he’d be more comfortable if they were out there, and Joe basically tells him to shut the hell up. Angle calms Joe down and tells him the Twins are trying to be respectful. He excuses them before turning to Joe, talking about Sting. He also says he promises to unmask every member of A and E, starting tonight.
We see footage of Tessy, Gail Kim, Tara and Mickie James stretching in various areas. They have a tag team match later tonight.
Hogan limps out to the ring and wants to get right to business. First off, he wants to apologize to everyone for not showing up last week, but he got caught off-guard when he saw Bully Ray and Brooke making out in the parking lot two weeks ago. Since Ray decided to make things public, he’s here, and he’d like to take care of business right now. He’d like to have both Ray and Brooke come out to the ring right now. Ray and Brooke come out together, with Brooke looking skanky as hell. Hogan tells Ray that Ray has been asking for respect for weeks. He’s seen Ray shaking hands in the back and trying to help the young guys, but at the end of the day, something wasn’t right to him. Month after month, he looks at Ray and wants to know the truth. There’s a code ethics in wrestling, and now that he knows where Ray and Brooke are really at, he wants to know why. Ray tells Hogan he’s right. He should have come clean with Hogan about himself and Brooke. It’s all on him. Hogan says he’s been trying to tell everyone he knows Ray is no good and what his MO is. When you talk about breaking the code, Ray doesn’t even belong in this business. As far as he’s concerned, Ray wanting all of this stuff from Hogan, since Ray broke the code and they’re not playing by the rules anymore, they’ll play by a new set of rules. A GM needs to do what he needs to do, so Ray is suspended indefinitely without pay. Hogan then turns to Brooke and tells her to get the hell out of his ring. She made her decision and needs to live with it. Ray grabs her by the hand, and they leave together.
Another Joe Abyss video. Danny Davis is now impressed with his dedication. I am so sick of this. Just reveal that Joe and Abyss are the same guy already. This is beyond stupid.
MATCH 4: Gail Kim and Knockouts Champion Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher
Tessy and Kim start the match, with Kim kicking her down right off the bat. Tessy comes back with a clothesline from the middle rope and a botched monkey flip. Tara knees Tessy in the back, which allows Kim to tag out. Tara grinds Tessy’s face on the rope. James makes the blind tag off an Irish whip. Tessy hits a snapmare, and James hits a running knee. She dropkicks Kim off the apron, and the heels are arguing on the floor as Tara is being consoled by Jesse. The faces head out, and hit a noggin knocker. Back in the ring, Taryn Terrell is trying to get Tessy back to the apron. Behind her, the heels beat James down. Tara covers her for a pin, getting 2. Tara applies a rear chinlock, but James fights out as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Kim is now legal before she tags Tara in. Kim goes to whip Tara into James in the corner, but James moves out of the way and hits a clothesline on Kim. James has some of the worst-looking clotheslines in wrestling today, and her kicks are somehow even uglier. Tara tries to prevent her from tagging out, but is unsuccessful. Tessy does the usual hot tag offense, then botches the unholy hell out of the Shout Out in the corner. I can’t even begin to describe how ugly that move was. And there was no logical reason for it being botched, either. Tessy gives herself a wedgie and looks for the stinkface, but Tara rolls to the floor, where Jesse checks on her. From behind, Kim levels Tessy with a clothesline, and Tara slides back in for a choke. Hairmare by Tara before connecting with a backbreaker for 2. Kim tags in, who kicks Tessy in the corner. Kim hits a gutbuster for 2. Running clothesline for another 2. In the corner, Tessy avoids the body attack, sending Kim to the floor. Kim yanks James to the floor to prevent a tag, then gets back in the ring and begins slamming Tessy’s face into the mat. Tara tags in and hits the Arabian Facebuster for 2 before applying a modified surfboard. Tara hits the absolute weakest bodyslam in pro wrestling history before going for the standing moonsault, which is blocked by Tessy. Tessy ducks a clothesline and hits a swinging facebuster. James and Kim tag in, and James hits a Thesz Press. Tunacanrana connects, as does a neckbreaker for 2. Tara makes the save, so Tessy spears her to the floor. As Jesse is checking on her, Tessy comes off the top rope with a plancha to the floor. In the ring, Kim misses the corner body attack once more, and James hits the standing tornado DDT for 3.
WINNERS: Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher.
Back in the A and E clubhouse, DOC is pissed about Angle wanting to take their masks off. They need to remain anonymous. Those who have masks on need to stay that way. Black Scorpion agrees, saying they need to protect their masks with their lives.
ODB is talking about Sting taking care of A and E tonight. Her husband is out of the hospital, and he will be walking back into the Impact Zone at some point.
Bobby Roode and Austin Aries are in Hogan’s office, pissed off. Both think the three-way for Genesis is crap, but Hogan says it’s official, adding an elimination stipulation to it. Both guys continue arguing, so Hogan makes a match for next week: them vs. Jeff Hardy and a partner of his choosing.
MATCH 5-Cage Match: World Television Champion Devon and Thing 1 vs. Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle
As Angle is getting through the cage door, DOC comes from behind and slams the door across his back and pulls him to the floor. He padlocks the cage, turning this into a handicap match for the moment. DOC continues the attack on the outside as Joe begins fighting off both Devon and Thing. Joe hits the corner hip bump/spin kick combo on Devon, then stomps Thing down. Devon blocks a throw to the cage and holds Joe in place for Thing, but Joe ducks, causing Thing to clothesline Devon. Joe hits a kneelift in the corner on Thing, then gives him the Face Wash. Devon hits a misdirection forearm, and now the heels are double-teaming Joe. Angle is laid out on the ring steps. Joe fights off the heels until Devon rakes the eyes. Thing knees him in the corner as Angle is now up and trying to get into the cage, but Devon kicks the door into his face. In the ring, Devon hits an elbow drop as we go to commercials.
WINNERS: Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe. Angle goes for the mask, but is attacked from behind by Devon. Joe fights him off, but DOC enters the cage and takes Joe out with punches. Four more members of A and E enter the cage, and we see Mr. Anderson looking on from ringside. Swerve coming momentarily. A and E continue to destroy Angle and Joe until Sting enters the cage. He takes them all out with a baseball bat. He points at DOC, but DOC escapes. The faces isolate Thing in the cage, and Sting clobbers him with the bat. Angle gets the mask off, and it turns out Thing 1 is Mike Knox. Knox rolls to the floor as the rest of A and E try to cover his face up. The group leaves as the faces celebrate in the cage. Meanwhile, Mr. Anderson did absolutely nothing.
End of show.
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