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Posts by tag: Tara

12 months ago

Curtis Axel, Arn Anderson And Unresolved WWE Issues

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Although I was not a fan of Curtis Axel before his transformation into the wrestling character he is today (he was Mike McGillicutty as part of the Nexus), I have to say the current Intercontinental champion in the WWE does intrigue me due to his overwhelming potential.

The third-generation star will never be the wrestler Randy Orton or The Rock have been over the years and he may never attain the same stature of his father, Curt Hennig, but there is a belief by myself (and probably other wrestling writers) that Axel has a solid future in the WWE, if only for a short shelf life.

Another thing hit me as I was watching Axel last week and during the Money in the Bank pay-per-view event — could Axel and Arn Anderson’s careers mirror each other?

Anderson was the greatest wrestler to never capture the World Title in the NWA and WCW. He was a rugged sort, could talk on the mic and was surrounded by others who helped to make him better. The Four Horsemen will go down in history (in my opinion) as the greatest wrestling stable of all time. Only problem is Anderson, who I think was better than him, played second fiddle to Ric Flair. A better wrestler, a better talker and a better all around performer.

Flair’s exuberance and arrogance were unmatched by anyone in any generation and he could sell, which made him the perfect “heel” champion to rival the likes of Jack Brisco, Rick Steamboat, Dusty Rhodes and Sting.

Axel has the talent, the in ring look, needs to get better on the mic (Anderson was not great at first) and he needs to learn to sell like nobody’s business. Given all those similarities, and the fact Axel has Paul Heyman in his camp (and a lead dog like Brock Lesnar) who knows where Axel’s character will go.

Axel’s character and future is not the only question the WWE will have to deal with in the near future. With SummerSlam on the horizon, the WWE needs to continue to promote John Cena/Daniel Bryan, decide how to handle the Randy Orton injury situation and what to do with Mark Henry.

These are also issues that need to be answered.

Has the feud between Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow trumped the World Heavyweight Title?

We are stoked by the idea of the feud that has begun between former members of Team Rhodes Scholars. Has the battle between Rhodes and Sandow made the quest for the WHC less important? First off, I am not a huge fan of Alberto Del Rio being the current champion and it looks like Dolph Ziggler will have his hands busy with Big E Langston. Does a feud that does not directly involve a title mean more to the fans than the man who actually holds the title?

Can Tara help a developing WWE Divas Division?

YES! No, this is not a Daniel Bryan exclusive. Tara was released from TNA last week because of contract issues. The 40-something diva had been a mainstay in TNA since 2009 and could give life to the Divas division immediately. Her size and skill would be a welcomed addition. And a beginning of Kaitlyn, AJ, Tamina, The Bellas Alicia Fox, Natalya and Tara could be a great start to something new.

Should Christian just move to the tag team division? YES! He is looking for one more match, but he is not going to get it in the singles division. Look for the veteran to move to the tag team ranks, where a combination of Christian and Wade Barrett of maybe Kofi Kingston (upon his return) would be a great thing for the WWE.

David is a Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report and can be read here. Follow David on Twitter @davidlevin71

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results and May 2 Recap

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Shock of shocks, Hulk Hogan is opening this week’s Impact. On a side note for a moment, I would like to thank friend of CCB Brett Clendaniel, Jr. for his kind words in regards to my writing, especially in regards to my Impact recaps. Loyal support such as his makes this gig worthwhile. Anyway, Hogan says things almost came to blows between him and Sting last week, so we need to find out exactly what’s up with Sting right now. Sting makes his way out, and he very cautiously approaches the ring. Hogan tells him that all the business between them is out there, so let’s call things like we see them. Last week didn’t end with a pretty picture, and they almost came to blows. Before that, though, Hogan knows when he is right and wrong.

He got caught up between a bunch of personal stuff and business stuff. At the end of the day, when it came to making choices, Hogan was wrong, and he ran some of his friends off. The one he made the biggest mistake with was Sting, so he’s apologizing for that right now. Hogan offers a handshake, and Sting accepts. Hogan continues on, saying he should have been pulling Sting closer, and they should have been working together against Aces and Eights. Sting tells him they are together right now. It’s water under the bridge, and now, he has a request. He wants a 6-man next week against A and E, with him picking two partners. Hogan agrees to it. Tonight, however, the business at hand is to determine who faces Bully Ray at Slammiversary for the title.

Matt Morgan comes out and says that this is the part when Hogan hands a jerk-off another title match. Has he learned nothing? Hogan tells him his biggest fault is him running his mouth without knowing everything. From now on, there are no more handouts, and everyone who wants a top spot has to earn it. Before Morgan got in his face, he was going to say that the man who faces Bully Ray will not be Sting or Morgan. The man who takes that spot will be the winner of the main event tonight when it’s Matt Morgan vs. Sting. That’s what Hogan sees in his crystal ball, brother.

Video package for Chris Sabin, and he reflects on his back-to-back knee injuries and the rehabilitation process following them. Sabin has rehabbed for two full years worth of time across the two injuries. He is in action up next in his first match back.

Kurt Angle is pacing in the training room. He says Aces and Eights have taken over the company and taken the title, and tonight, he challenges any of those sonsofbitches to faces him in the ring one-on-one. They can beat him, but they can’t stop him.

MATCH 1-3-Way X-Division Match: Sonjay Dutt vs. Zema Ion vs. Chris Sabin Dutt gets the jobber non-entrance, so hope for him is already very low. Sabin finally has new music. Ion slaps Sabin, and now Sabin & Dutt punch him, knocking him to the floor. Crisscross ends with a running hurricanrana by Dutt, followed by a deep armdrag into an armbar. Dutt breaks the hold to knock Ion off the apron before going back to Sabin. Sabin with a sunset flip, but Dutt lays on top of him. Sabin escapes and hits an enziguri for 2. They trade waistlocks with Sabin ending up on top. Ion comes in with a slingshot sunset flip, sending them both over and getting 2 on Sabin. Ion chokes Sabin in the corner, then hits a double kneedrop to the back. Dutt gets a hotshot from Ion, and Sabin comes back up and hits some chops. Ion pulls Sabin down by the hair, and the three end up in a weird backslide pin for 2. Sabin turns Ion into a modified surfboard, and Dutt breaks that up with a dropkick to Ion’s face. We learn that, in next week’s 3-way, Suicide makes his return. Yay. Wonder which member of Bad Influence will be playing the part? Anyway, Dutt hits some forearms on Sabin and goes for the Asai DDT, but Sabin counters into a fireman’s carry. Dutt escapes and hits a spinning headscissors that he turns into a DDT. Running shooting star press by Dutt, but Ion breaks up the pin. Dutt gets up and hits Ion, but Ion blocks a kick and hits a quick DDT for 2. Ion goes for a back suplex, but Dutt escapes and blocks a roll-up. He hits a thrust kick on Ion and Sabin hits a kick on Dutt before dropping Ion with a clothesline. Sabin counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb on Dutt, then holds on and turns it into a DVD. Dutt gets placed in the Tree of Woe, and Ion gets overhead belly-to-belly suplexed into Dutt. Sabin hits a sit-out Y2K Bomb on Ion for 3.

WINNER: Chris Sabin.

We see Jesse and Robbie E in the back rambling about some movie Jesse is starring in, then it turns into something about facing Rob Terry in a 3-on-1 handicap match. He holds up a picture of Joey Ryan, telling E that he should be their other partner.

Elsewhere, we see Bully Ray, with A and E behind him. He talks about Hogan and Sting mocking the group. They’re the frickin’ Aces and Eights. Nobody mocks them. Now he’s gotta worry about Morgan vs. Sting. Newsflash: he ain’t worrying about either one. No matter who he gets in Boston, he’ll get the job done. That brings us to Kurt Angle. Angle has been a thorn in the club’s ass since day one. No matter how hard they knock him down, he keeps getting back up. He wants Angle taken out, the same way Ray took care of Hardy. Who’s it gonna be? Wes Brisco steps up and says he wants it. Garett Bischoff then volunteers. D’Lo Brown steps between them and says he’ll do it. He’s been responsible for Aces and Eights, and he’s going to be the one responsible for taking out Angle. He guarantees he’ll get the job done, then swears his “colors” on. You know, I’ve wanted D’Lo in a main event since never. Good for TNA for making a nightmare into reality.

MATCH 2-3-on-1 Handicap Match: Jesse, Robbie E and Joey Ryan vs. Rob Terry Ryan starts the match for his team and immediately gets clubbed down. He crawls to the corner, and Terry hits him with a running back elbow, followed by a back body drop. Jesse distracts Terry by pulling his tights, and Terry kicks him to the floor. Ryan attacks Terry’s knee and tags Jesse in, who hits some shots. E tags in and hits some forearms to the back. Jesse back in, and he begins kicking Terry. E back in, and he hits some forearms before applying a sleeper. Terry picks him up on his back, then rams E into the corner to break the hold. Terry misses a corner charge, and E capitalizes with some shoulder thrusts. Ryan tags in, and he has words with E for a moment before getting hit with a front powerslam. The three attack Terry, and he shoves them all off before hitting them with clotheslines and back elbows. Double back suplex on E and Jesse, and Ryan gets hit with what is apparently now called the Beast Bomb for 3.

WINNER: Rob Terry.

We see Austin Aries and Bobby Roode in the building. They’re apparently on their way to the ring.

Roode and Aries make their way out. Roode says Bad Influence played their mind games last week, and it got into his head a bit. They talked about reforming Fourtune, but this was never really about that. This was about BI’s jealousy of Roode and Aries & the World Tag Team titles, the same titles BI cost them last week. Aries says he didn’t believe BI for a second. BI are best friends. He and Roode barely like each other. But, they like each other enough to achieve a common goal. They don’t tell jokes; they go out to win championships. They are a team of World Champions, something Christopher Daniels and Kazarian will never know a thing about. BI make their way out on this note. Daniels tells Roode he was right about one thing: it was about the championships. However, Roode and Aries were wrong about being the next champions or even being a good team. Everyone knows they are a pale imitation of the best team in the business. Next week, the two teams face off with a title match on the line. Spoiler alert: it’s Bad Influence. Roode reminds us he cracked a beer bottle over his best friend’s head to be World Champion, and he’ll do whatever it takes with Aries to become champions again. Kaz says they can never “out-us us”, and Aries/Roode are nothing but Bad Influence-lite.

Now it’s time for Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez to make this segment intolerable. Chavo says time for talk is over, and it’s time for action. Next week, there will be action. Hulk Hogan named a special referee for next week’s match. As much as he or Hernandez would love that spot, it’s neither of them. The referee likes to count in 6 and 12-packs. Yep, it’s James Storm.

Sting enters the training room, where Kurt Angle is taping his knee. Sting asks him if he’s ready, then says he needs a minute alone with Angle.

Tara and Gail Kim are in a dressing room somewhere, complaining about Taryn Terrell. Kim says they need to embarrass her and Mickie James tonight, and she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

We get another Chris Sabin video, with this one filmed just after the match from earlier tonight. He’s glad to be back, and it’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Angle/Brown is up next. As the two are in the ring, the fans begin chanting “U-S-A!”. Makes sense, since we all know D’Lo Brown is from Lichtenstein. Before the match, Brown says he told his brothers he’d beat Angle in the middle of the ring. But as he stands here, that won’t be good enough. He needs to humiliate Angle, so tonight, he’s going to do something no one has ever done before: he’s going to beat Angle in an “I Quit” Match.

MATCH 3-“I Quit” Match: D’Lo Brown vs. Kurt Angle Ugh. I can’t believe I have to recap this. Oh, wait. It’s TNA. Of course I can believe it. I just wish I didn’t have to. As Angle agrees to the match stipulation, Brown hits him in the head with the mic. Angle comes back with rights and a clothesline. Single-leg takedown by Angle, and he turns it into a modified STF. The ref asks if Brown wants to quit, and he won’t. We see Mr. Anderson and a couple other A and E members come to ringside through the crowd. Angle gets distracted, which allows Brown to hit a suplex. He rolls to the outside, dragging Angle to the floor and throwing him shoulder-first intot he ring post. He grabs the ring bell hammer and goes to nail Angle, but Angle moves. Brown continues the attack on the left arm, wrapping it around the post. Angle won’t quit, so Brown slams the arm into the mat and rolls Angle back in the ring. Snapmare by Brown, and he begins stomping on the arm before hitting a legdrop. Brown with an arm wringer now, but Angle fights out before running into a jumping side kick. Thanks to the extra 100 lbs., Brown could barely get himself up there. Brown applies a jujigatame, and Angle says, “Hell no!” in response to whether or not he wants to quit. Angle breaks the hold by countering into the ankle lock, but Brown kicks him off and hits a clothesline. Taz tells us Brown has never looked better. Uh-huh. Brown applies a cobra clutch, and Angle still won’t quit. Angle armdrags out of it, ducks a clothesline and hits the Murder-Suicide. After three, Angle holds on for a fourth. Then a fifth. Brown tells the referee to kick his ass, and Angle hits a sixth German suplex. I remember a dead guy once doing that. Wonder if he somehow stole it from Angle, despite doing it several years beforehand? I’m sure we’ll find out in a supposedly drunken tweet. Angle applies the ankle lock, but Brown kicks him off once more. Angle charges in, and Brown counters into a Samoan drop. Brown is back up first, and he sets Angle up for a powerbomb. Angle counters into a sunset flip and rolls through into an ankle lock. Brown tries to fight out, but Angle cinches it in and grapevines the leg. Brown taps, but that doesn’t count, and the ref reminds him of such. Brown then screams “I quit!” into the mic.

WINNER: Kurt Angle. Aces and Eights head back through the crowd without taking Brown with them. Christy Hemme stops Angle on the ramp and asks if this was revenge for him. Angle says he won a battle, but now he has his mind on someone else, and that is AJ Styles. He wants AJ out here right now and knows he’s here. Commercials.

Back from the break, Angle is still in the ring calling for AJ Styles to come out. Another “U-S-A!” chant breaks out. This also makes sense, since AJ is originally from Vatican City. AJ finally comes down the ramp and gets in the ring, getting in Angle’s face in the process. Angle backs up and says AJ doesn’t look the same, like he wants to take Angle’s head off. Before he does that, he won’t get very far since this is Angle’s hometown (it’s actually not). So, everyone wants to recruit AJ. Going with A and E would be the easy way out. Angle has taken the easy way and gotten a lot of success, but that’s not AJ’s way. AJ is the reason he came to TNA, and they had some of the greatest matches of all time. He knows AJ is in a dark time and he understands that, but next week, he and Sting are taking on A and E, and they need him. If AJ stands with them, that’s cool. If not, they have problems. Next week, the choice belongs to AJ.

AI asks Matt Morgan about waiting for tonight’s opportunity. Morgan screams and rants about how he’s pissed off, and tonight, he’s taking the ball. Tonight, he “guts through” Sting, and at Slammiversary, he “guts through” Bully Ray, and you’re looking at the next World Champion. GAARRRRRHHHH!

MATCH 4: Gail Kim and Tara vs. Taryn Terrell and Mickie James Taryn begins attacking both heels until Tara holds her for a shot. James grabs Kim from behind, and the faces ram their heads together, knocking them to the floor. Kim and Tara argue as Taryn kicks them both through the ropes before rolling Kim back in the ring. Kim gets sent to the corner for a clothesline. James makes a blind tag. Taryn hits a snapmare, and James hits a seated dropkick for 2. James botches a rolling jujigatame, but Kim gets to the ropes. As James argues with referee ODB, Kim nails her with a shot. They trade punches until Kim kicks James in the gut and hits some forearms to the face. James ducks a clothesline and botches an enziguri for 2. Kim backs James into the corner with a shoulder thrust, but James blocks a charge with a back elbow. Kim blocks the Tunacanrana, but knocks James to the floor as Tara causes a distraction. Tara rolls James back in the ring, where Kim hits a short-arm clothesline. She throws James into Tara’s boot, and now Tara tags in, with the heels double-stomping James to the mat. Tara hangs James by her hair, then drops her on her face. Tara drops an elbow for 2 before knocking Taryn to the floor. Back to James, Tara applies an inverted STF, and Taryn breaks up the hold with a stomp. Kim back in, and she throws James to the corner. This time, James connects with the Tunacanrana, and then both women go for a cross-body at the same time, crashing in the middle of the ring. Tara and Taryn tag in, and Taryn hits a couple of clotheslines, a back elbow and a snap suplex. Up top, Taryn connects with a cross-body for 2 as Kim breaks it up. James comes in and botches a roundhouse on Kim. Tara knocks James down, and Taryn rolls Tara up for the 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Taryn Terrell. It’s a bit disturbing that Kenely kept referring to Taryn as a “hot mess”. After the match, Tara and Kim attack the faces. James and Tara brawl up the ramp as Kim beats on Taryn in the ring, hitting Eat Defeat and ramming Taryn’s head into the mat before dragging her to the ringpost for Bret Hart’s figure-4 around the post spot until ODB and several other referees break up the hold.

We see Aces and Eights in the back once more, and Bully Ray is pissed about D’Lo Brown saying “I quit” earlier tonight. Brown swore his “colors” on victory and said, “I quit”? Garett starts talking smack, and Ray says that, just because Brown was a douche to him doesn’t mean he can be a douch to Brown. He’s going to take care of Brown next week. Also next week is the 6-man, and he’s picking Devon and Anderson as his partners.

Bobby Roode talks about Bad Influence and how neither member has been World Champion while he and Austin Aries have. They will, without a shadow of a doubt, walk into Tupelo, MS and become the new #1 contenders, and Chavo & Hernandez know they can’t hold a candle to Roode and Aries.

MATCH 5-Winner becomes the new #1 Contender for the World Championship: Matt Morgan vs. Sting Looks like TNA is having Morgan wear Hogan’s cape again. Lock-up to start the match, and Morgan immediately backs Sting into the corner for a kneelift before headbutting Sting to the mat. Morgan with a foot choke near the ropes, but Sting begins to fight back. Morgan cuts him off with a kneelift, then follows up with a clothesline. Morgan chokes Sting in the corner, then hits another headbutt. Sting fights back with punches and backhands until Morgan goozles him and hits a chokeslam for 2. Commercials.

Back from the break, Morgan is dominating sting on the outside. Sting tries a comeback and manages to slam Morgan into the steps. Morgan no-sells it, hits a kneelift and rolls Sting back in the ring, where he foot-chokes him. Morgan rolls outside and drags Sting’s head to the apron, where he hits an apron legdrop. Morgan gets back on the apron for another one, but misses it when Sting rolls out of the way. Sting throws Morgan into the guardrail, then throws him into it on the opposite side of the ring. Sting rakes the eyes and slams Morgan’s face into the steps before rolling him into the ring. Morgan reverses a corner whip and hits Sting with a sidewalk slam for 2. Morgan chokes Sting, then sits across Sting’s back a couple of times. Morgan then goes for the pin after mocking Hogan, getting 2. Morgan hits a short-arm clothesline, and Sting comes back with some rights. Morgan cuts him off with a kneelift again and hits a bodyslam before missin an elbow drop. Sting avoids a corner charge and hits some rights, followed by a pair of clotheslines. Sting with a slo-mo Stinger Splash, but Morgan shakes it off and throws Sting to the corner for some back elbow strikes. Sting no-sells and throws Morgan to the corner for a clothesline and goes for the Stinger Splash once more, but runs into the Carbon Footprint for 2. Sting goes to the corner and Morgan calls for the Footprint again. He very weakly misses it in the corner, and Sting kicks him in the leg a few times before applying the scorpion deathlock, barely getting it on. After a minute or so, Morgan manages to get a rope break. Sting drags him back into the ring and reapplies the hold, getting him into the center of the ring, but still applying it pretty weakly. Sting eventually sits all the way down onto Morgan’s back, and Morgan eventually passes out.

WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Sting. TNA basically lifted the Austin/Hart spot from Wrestlemania 13, minus the blood, only it wasn’t nearly as good. As Sting is celebrating, Aces and Eights come to the ring and surround Sting, with Bully Ray talking trash.

End of show.

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results and April 25 Recap

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TNA Impact Wrestling opens with Aces and Eights entering the building and being stopped by security. Bully Ray isn’t impressed and tells them to get out of their way, or “Mr. A#$hole” will bite their faces off. Uh, yeah…

We’re apparently in Indiana, PA this week. In the arena, James Storm makes his way out. Storm is limping from AJ Styles’ “Calf Killer” from last week. Yes, that’s the name for AJ’s new finisher. Storm talks about fighting AJ last week, and we see AJ standing in the crowd. Storm tells him the new hold hurt like hell, and he can also admit AJ was the better man. However, he’s not going to cry over spilt milk because he’s a beer drinker. What he didn’t sign up for last week was the “Aces and Idiots” that jumped him from behind. If they wanted a fight, all they had to do was ask. He knows if he calls one of them out, all of them will come out. That’s fine. Bring all you want, because he’ll take you out.

Bad Influence make their way out. Christopher Daniels says BI wants to weigh in. Last week, they were victims of A and E as well. Hulk Hogan doesn’t have an answer to this problem. However, the two smartest men in the room know the answer. Aces and Eights has been playing a numbers game. TNA has the magic number, and that’s four, as in “Fourtune”. Kazarian tells AJ that life can be better, and first off is forgiving himself for his cheap shots on them last week. They forgive him. The next step is to walk down the stairs, get in the ring and reform Fourtune tonight, because it’s the right thing to do. Storm says the fans want BI to shut the hell up. Kaz won’t shut up because the people don’t concern them. Just like these people, Storm is irrelevant. He starts brawling with BI until Kaz absolutely botches a Golden Globes spot in the corner. AJ is still staring on as A and E come through the crowd into the ring. BI have left, and Storm is alone in the ring. They surround him and Mr. Anderson grabs him in the powerbomb position as the other members bring a table into the ring. Joesph Park runs down and takes down a couple members of the group until they gang-attack him. D’Lo Brown sets the table back up, and DOC & Knux go to double chokeslam him. Bully Ray tells them to back off so he and Devon can hit the 3D through the table, which they do.

Back from the break, Park is being hauled out on a stretcher. Bully Ray has a mic and says he told everyone A and E weren’t screwing around. They are the Aces and Eights. They are the men responsible for all of the carnage. They are the men responsible for taking out everyone’s heroes. Look around. You ain’t got no heroes left (his words). No Samoa Joe. No Magnus. No James Storm. No Joseph Park. Nobody. Last week, he called out one man, and that was Hulk Hogan, his next victim. Dad, you’ve got ‘til the end of the show to answer the challenge. When you ride with the Aces and Eights, you never walk alone.

According to Mike Tenay, Hulk Hogan has left the building and didn’t tell anyone why.

Video for tonight’s Knockouts Championship match with comments from Mickie James. She talks about being tired of being ignored in TNA. Just a thought, but maybe if she wasn’t off recording awful country music that no one likes, maybe she wouldn’t get ignored.

AI sees Hulk Hogan entering the building, and asks him where he went. Hulk ignores him.

MATCH 1: Taryn Terrell vs. Tara Taryn ducks a clothesline and hits some forearms, followed by a corner clothesline and a flipping neckbreaker. Pair of hairmares by Taryn, and she then rams Tara’s head into the top turnbuckle until Tara hits her with a Stun Gun. Tara slams Taryn’s face into the mat a few times, then hair-whips her across the ring. Catapult in the corner by Tara, and she goes back to slamming Taryn’s face into the mat. Tara applies an inverted STF, then snaps back to break the hold and goes for the cover, getting 2. Another pin, and another 2-count. Taryn blocks a back body drop, but runs right into a tree slam. Taryn fights back from her knees until Tara forearms in the back of the head, getting 2. She rolls Taryn over for another pin, getting 2 once more. Tara rolls Taryn under the bottom rope and catapults her into the rope for another 2. Tara once again goes for an immediate second pin attempt, then does it again. Bodyslam near the ropes, but Tara misses the Arabian Facebuster. Taryn fights out of the corner and hair-whips Tara, hits a clothesline, a back elbow and a suplex. Up top, Taryn misses a cross-body, and Tara begins with the trash-talk. She picks Taryn up in the Spider’s Web, which connects. Taryn counters the standing moonsault into a schoolgirl and gets 3.

WINNER: Taryn Terrell.

Robbie T is in the back texting someone. Didn’t know he still worked here. Jesse enters the room, and he’s apparently taking on Rob Terry. E verbally fellates Jesse and tells him that, when he beats Terry, he’ll go down as one of the greatest bros of all time, and E will be there right by his side.

Before the next match, Robbie E comes out to introduce the man who will beat Rob Terry, bro. He’s a real Hollywood superstar unlike all of the hamsters in Indiana, PA: “Mr. Pec-Tacular”, Jesse Godderz, bro.

MATCH 2: Rob Terry vs. Jesse (w/Robbie E) Terry immediately hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Corner whip into a running powerslam by Terry, but he drops Jesse as E jumps up on the apron. Jesse charges in, and Terry goozles him and backs him to a corner before throwing him across the ring. E jumps on the apron again as Terry charges in, and Jesse hits him from behind with some kicks and elbows. He tries to throw Terry into the corner, but Terry blocks it and throws him in for some forearm shots. He misses a running elbow, and Jesse hits a dropkick. Jesse hits some forearms to the chest and gets a 1-count. Terry shoves him off, so he mounts the middle rope. Terry catches the cross-body attempt and hits an over-the-shoulder powerslam for 2 as E pulls at the referee’s leg. Terry goes outside and stalks E. Jesse tries to attack from behind, but Terry sees it coming and throws Jesse into E before pressing Jesse back into the ring. Terry hits the Freakbuster and gets 3.

WINNER: Rob Terry. Bad Influence approach Bobby Roode in the locker room area. Kaz says there’s only one way to stop A and E, and that’s Fourtune. They were a dominant faction, and that dominance was taken away from them. Daniels cuts in and says that no one knows AJ better than him. If the three of them stand together, there’s no way AJ can say “no” to them. Think about it. The camera pans over, and we see that Austin Aries has been eavesdropping on the conversation.

Video package for Chris Sabin, who is set to return any time now. I just hope he took enough time away this time. If you recall last time, he was out with an injured knee, came back, and injured it again only a couple of weeks after his return.

We see Aries and Roode warming up in the back. Aries asks Roode about the Fourtune reunion. If Roode wants to do that, that’s his business. They’re not best friends; just dominant champions. If Fourtune was so great, how come they vanished? If BI are so great, how come Aries was the man who beat Roode? Tonight, he wants the tag belts back, and if Roode doesn’t want to work with him, he’s screwing himself.

MATCH 3-World Tag Team Championship: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (Champions) vs. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode Christopher Daniels is on commentary for this match, with Kazarian at his side. Aries and Chavo start the match, and the crowd is not even remotely into the champions. Lock-up to start, with Aries going into an arm wringer. Chavo counters into a snapmare, goes for the pin, and we get a stalemate immediately. Aries applies a side headlock into a waistlock takedown, then shows off a bit before Chavo dropkicks him. Chavo hits a European uppercut, then fires off some rights in the corner. Aries gets sent hard into the opposite corner, and Chavo hits a back suplex for 2. Chavo ducks a clothesline and goes for a headscissors, and Aries counters into a pancake. Roode reluctantly tags in and gets hit with a hiptoss. Hernandez in, and they do their bodyslam/Warrior Splash spot for 2. Hernandez goes for a suplex off a back body drop attempt, but Hernandez counters into a delayed vertical. Aries comes in and chops Hernandez, so Hernandez Warrior Presses him before heading outside to the ramp. He goes for Air Mexico, but Roode moves out of the way and Hernandez eats canvas. Roode gets 2 off a pin, then throws Hernandez to the corner for some punches and kicks. Aries tags in as Roode hits a suplex, and Aries hits a tope con hilo for 2. Back up, Aries boxes the ears and tags in Roode. Hernandez tries to fight out of the corner, but Roode cuts him off and hits a pair of Venis kneelifts, followed by a side-Russian legsweep for 2. Aries tags in and stomps Hernandez in the chest as Roode holds him in a modified surfboard. Aries applies a front chancery, then breaks it to knock Chavo to the floor. Roode back in, and sends Aries in for the corner dropkick. Hernandez catches him, however, and then sends him to the corner. Chavo tags in and hits a tope con hilo on Aries, followed by a spinning headscissors on Roode. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos, but Aries escapes the second suplex. Chavo comes back with a rolling kick, then hits a tornado DDT on Roode for 2 as Aries breaks it up. Hernandez comes in and clotheslines Aries to the floor. He goes for the Border Toss on Roode as Chavo climbs to the top. Kaz causes a distraction as Aries pushes Chavo off the top. In the ring, Roode hits a spinebuster on Hernandez, and now Aries goes up top. Hernandez kicks Roode off into the corner, which sends Aries crashing to the floor. Hernandez goes for the Border Toss on Roode once more as Kaz is back up on the apron. Daniels slides into the ring and kicks Hernandez. He goes for a clothesline, but Hernandez ducks, causing Daniels to collide with Roode. Hernandez sends Daniels to the floor, and Chavo hits a frog splash on Roode for the 3.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez.

AI approaches Matt Morgan in the weight room. Morgan recites the same promo he always does. He then says he has a solution to the A and E problem, and he’s going out to the ring to tell everyone what it is.

Matt Morgan comes out and says his issues over the last year have been about one issue (?): Mistakes made by Hulk Hogan. He then lists off Hulk’s mistakes. Bully Ray won the title, A and E are stronger than ever, and the company is imploding around Hulk. Sting was ejected from TNA, and now, Jeff Hardy has been laid out. You see, Hulk, before you come out and go face-to-face with Bully Ray, allow Morgan to present to you the ultimate solution to all of your problems. I hope he’s not talking about Jeep Swenson. Hulk Hogan comes out. Morgan tells Hulk he has no more backup, so by going out against Ray by himself, he’s delaying the inevitable, which is that A and E are going to destroy him. Hulk has no one left, so Morgan presents the solution: himself. Hulk, at the end of the day, no one wants this opportunity more than him. No one on this roster can eliminate A and E better than him. He is Hulk’s 7’ knight in shining armor. And, if given the opportunity tonight, he will Carbon Footprint Ray’s head into the 5th row…for a small price, of course. Morgan is all Hulk has, so he’ll handle Ray, and in turn, Hulk names Morgan the #1 contender at Slammiversary. Hulk says Morgan has brought him up to the edge, and a lot of what is being said is true. Morgan has the goods to get the job done, and he probably could do it. At the end of the day though, he was hoping Morgan would do the right thing. Morgan stole his robe and has verbally abused him day-after-day. Hulk hoped Morgan would be the 2nd coming of “The Mania”, brother. At the end of the day, though, Morgan wants to do it for the wrong reason. If he agrees to Morgan’s demands, it’ll be a bigger mistake than what happened with Ray. At the end of the day, he’s going to step into the ring with Ray and do this by himself. He’s not going to hand over anything to Morgan, and he never heard Andre the Giant whine like a bitch.

We see A and E in the back somewhere, celebrating taking out Joseph Park. Ray then says Hulk is held together by spit and glue and wants to go face-to-face with Ray. He then tells the rest of the group that he doesn’t want them out there with him.

Now, TNA is doing this where fans can vote who will be involved in the next triple threat match for the X-Division championship. The three options are just wonderful: Rashad Cameron, Rockstar Spud and Suicide. Yes, they’re trying to dust off that pile of crap gimmick again. Guess they didn’t learn from the fact that basing a character on a character from one of the worst wrestling games of all time wasn’t a good idea.

MATCH 4-Knockouts Championship: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky (Champion) Lock-up, with Sky going into an armbar. James counters into an armdrag for 1, then applies an arm wringer. Sky flips through and trips James for 1. James dodges a dropkick and gets 1 off a pin. Sky applies a side headlock, then shoulders James off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a Snapmare by Sky, followed by a kick to the back and a seated dropkick for 2. Sky hits some forearms and shoulder thrusts in the corner. James counters a whip, and Sky leaps over her back to avoid the charge. However, she acts like her knee hurts, and James goes for the pin, getting 2. James then applies a step-over toehold as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, James has Sky in a legbar, then yanks on the knee before going back to the toehold. Sky rolls up and counters into her own, and James counters into a sloppy STF. Sky breaks the hold with the ropes, then kicks James off. Sky elbows out of the corner, hits a pair of jumping clotheslines, then remembers to sell her knee. Some chops to the chest, but James blocks them and goes for a corner whip. Sky collapses to the mat before she gets to the corner. She blocks a roll-up attempt and hits a side-Russian legsweep for 2. James gets back up, kicks the bad knee and botches an enziguri. Up top, James hits a Thesz Press for 2. Sky gets back up, boots James in the stomach and goes for In Yo Face, but James counters into a back body drop. James boots Sky in the stomach and goes for the standing tornado, but Sky pushes her off into the corner. James dropkicks the bad knee, then goes for a roll-up, but Sky counters into her own roll-up for the 3, despite the fact that James was in the ropes.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Velvet Sky.

We see Devon and Bully Ray in the back, and Ray tells Devon he’s done with Brooke, so Devon can have her. He reminds Devon they’re the greatest team of all time and are both now singles champions, leading a pack of wolves. He took out Jeff Hardy last week, and Hardy may be done for good. In a few minutes, he’s going to look straight into his father-in-law’s soul, and he’s going to be the guy who puts the final nail in the coffin of Hulkamania.

Brooke and Hulk Hogan are in the back, and Brooke is trying to talk Hulk out of going to the ring. Hulk says Bully Ray screwed over their family and the business, and he needs to stop it. Brooke reminds him he just had a knee replacement a few weeks ago, and that he can’t do this. Hulk tells her she can’t stop this, then asks for her hand and gives her his necklace, saying he’ll be right back.

Bully Ray makes his way out alone with a paper in his hand. It’s a list of everyone A and E has taken out, and D’Angelo Dinero is mentioned. I realize they took him out, but it’s odd hearing his name since he hasn’t been seen on TV in months. I honestly had forgotten he still worked in TNA. Anyway, Ray says what all these names have in common is that he and his boys took them all out, and there’s only one victim left. Hulk Hogan, get out here right now. Hulk comes out with his fists taped up, and he stands face-to-face with Ray. Ray asks how his knee is. Look at you. You got your fists taped up. You’re raring to go, aren’t ya? You can’t wait to hit the big boot and drop the big leg, huh? It ain’t gonna happen. You can walk down that ramp and step in this ring and try to fool the fans, but you will never fool him. As Ray looks into your eyes, he sees one thing and one thing only: pure fear. Hulk Hogan fears Bully Ray. You know why, Hulk? Because Ray reminds you of you. Ray is the last of a dying breed-your breed. Did you ever think Ray would be standing here? He’s Bull Ray. He’s the president of A and E. He’s the World Champion. He’s your son-in-law. He’s the guy that’s going to put an end to Hulkamania. Hulk finally talks and says Hulkamania will never die, brother. Ray turns his hat backwards and spits in Hulk’s face. Hulk starts ripping his shirt off, showing his physique that is approximately 812 years old. The two then point at each other, and Ray goes for a punch. Hulk blocks it, hits a couple and goes for a clothesline, but Ray bails to the outside. The rest of A and E come out and surround the ring. They start to climb in the ring when the lights go out. When they come back on, surprise surprise, Sting is in the ring, and he’s pointing his bat at Hulk. Ray is egging him on, so Sting begins pointing his bat at Ray. He knocks Ray’s hat off, then proceeds to take everyone out with his bat. Sting then points at Hulk with the bat again before walking away.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results April 4 and Recap

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Someone the other day referred to Impact Wrestling as “TNA: We Are Recaps”. I think that’s extremely accurate. It’s ridiculous how much TNA recaps their own shows. It’s one thing to do a recap video of the previous week’s show at the beginning. It’s another to show video recaps of things minutes after they happened throughout the show.

This week on TNA Impact Wrestling Gut Check returns, and because Adam Pearce is involved, I’m actually somewhat looking forward to it.

The show opens with Aces and Eights (save for Bully Ray) making their way through the crowd. Anyone else notice that, since guys started getting unmasked, the amount of men in this group dropped from nearly 2 dozen to about 10? Mr. Anderson calls everyone douchebags (he is an expert on the subject), and he’s gotta package. He says that AJ Styles had TNA turn their back on him when he needed them. They have a “cut” for him, and hope he makes the right decision. Devon has an envelope in his hand, and it belongs to Brooke Hogan. When Bully Ray brings her out later, that envelope will bring a new meaning to the phrase “change of relationship”. D’Lo Brown also has a present for someone. It’s something he received, and it’s a letter from TNA Headquarters. Inside the letter was his notice of termination from TNA. After all of his years of hard work, he thinks he deserved more than a plain envelope. He didn’t get a phone call or a meeting. He doesn’t want a text or a tweet; he wants someone to come out and tell him to his face why he’s been fired.

Kurt Angle comes out, and he has something to say to Brown’s face. He’s going to walk down the aisle, get in the ring, look Brown in the eye and tell him how he really feels. Angle gets in the ring and tackles Brown for some mounted punches, and the rest of A and E immediately jump on him. Joseph Park, Magnus, Samoa Joe and Eric Young hit the ring to even things up, and they eventually clear the ring. Apparently, there will be a 10-man involving these guys later.

Joey Ryan stops Brooke Hogan in a locker room, offering her a favor. He knows she has a need, and knows he can fill it. She just fired the KO ref, and she needs a new ref for a match tonight, offering himself up for the job. Brooke agrees, but Ryan can’t touch the girls.

MATCH 1: Gail Kim and Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky and Taryn Terrell Taryn looks decent until she smiles. She has too many teeth or something. Joey Ryan is patting down all of the competitors for “weapons”. Tara attacks Sky from behind, then chokes her over the top rope and hits a chop. Sky ducks a clothesline, hits a jumping one, followed by a second, and then applies a side headlock. Ryan begins massaging Sky, which causes her to break the hold. Kim and Taryn tag in, and Ryan is hitting on Taryn. Tara tags back in and Taryn reverses a clothesline into a backslide, followed bya schoolgirl. Ryan is doing no counting. Taryn pins Tara with a jackknife, yet still no count. Sky back in, and the faces hit a double shoulderblock and a double elbow drop. Sky goes for the pin, and Ryan stares at her butt while massaging himself. Kim runs in and clobbers Sky with a double axe handle. Tara stomps Sky down before throwing her into Kim’s foot. Kim tags in and hits some kicks to the gut, followed by a fireman’s carry into a pancake. She goes for the pin, and Ryan is still just petting himself. Tara back in, and she begins ramming her shoulder into Sky’s gut in the corner. Ryan steps between them and stares at Tara, so Jesse jumps on the apron out of jealousy. Sky rolls Tara up with no pin counted. Tara pops up with a clothesline and goes for the standing moonsault, but Ryan stands in the way. She pushes him aside and then misses the move. Kim and Taryn tag in, and Taryn hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Snap suplex by Taryn, and she goes up top, hitting a cross-body. She slams Kim’s head into the mat, and Tara comes in, hitting Taryn with a clothesline. Sky dropkicks Tara to the floor, and Kim clobbers her from behind. Ryan is making a pass at Kim, and she seems to like it, shoving him into the corner and playing with his mustache. Ryan starts stripping his clothes off as Taryn rolls Kim up from behind. Kim reverses the roll-up with a handful of tights and Ryan makes a fast 3.

WINNERS: Gail Kim and Tara. Ryan tries to celebrate with Kim after the match, but she leaves him hanging. He gets back in the ring to check on Taryn and Sky while massaging baby oil into his chest. Sky pretends to be interested, and Taryn low blows him from behind.

We see the World Tag Team Champions in the building. They’re headed out to the ring.

Back from the break, the tag champs are in the ring, along with Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez. They are facing off for the titles next week, and they’re signing the contract tonight. Austin Aries tells JB to shut up. Bobby Roode asks if either Chavo or Hernandez have been the World Champion. The reality is, is that neither one of them can hold a candle to either Roode or Aries. Chavo reminds us he’s a Guerrero, and calls Hernandez “strong as a son of a gun”. Stop letting this man speak. Aries asks if they’re bored with him and Roode beating them all the time. These contracts aren’t ironclad, so let’s make this more interesting. Aries adds a fruit basket, green M&Ms and more money for the winners. Chavo adds something, and the champs seem amused. Roode and Aries add one last thing, and Chavo agrees to it. Aries then asks JB to make everything official. JB announces that the titles are on the line next week in a Best-of-3-Falls Match, and if the challengers lose, they will never team again in TNA. Everyone signs the contract, with Hernandez being hesitant.

Video package for Adam Pearce, a 17-year veteran of wrestling and a former NWA World Champion and the former booker for ROH. He also reminds us he’s already faced nearly everyone in TNA at some point or another, which is true.

We then get a video for Magno, who I had never heard of until last week. His whole video is in Spanish, as he apparently doesn’t speak English. It’s subtitled, but I’m not going to give all the details. He basically talks about what a luchador is, and that his mask defines him.

MATCH 2-Gut Check: Adam Pearce vs. Magno Magno is a 13-year pro, and was trained by Gory Guerrero, apparently. Pearce reverses an arm ringer and turns it into an armbar. Magno counters into an armdrag. Pearce goes into a hammerlock and takes Magno down. Magno counters into a headscissors, and we get another standoff. Pearce goes back to the arm and forearms Magno in the face before stomping him. In the corner, Pearce hits a European uppercut and sends Magno to the opposite corner. Magno blocks the charge but gets hit with a back body drop for 2. Magno botches a spot in the corner before rebounding and hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He botches a springboard moonsault for 2. Not off to a good start for the luchador. He goes for a springboard cross-body, but Pearce counters and turns it into a spinebuster for 2. Pearce nails a forearm and sends Magno into the ropes. Magno flips over and hits a headscissors from the apron. A pair of clotheslines connect, as does a corner kick. Pearce gets clotheslined to the floor, and now Magno goes to the top, botching another moonsault to the floor. Oy vey. Back in the ring, Pearce trips Magno and pins him with a rope assist.

WINNER: Adam Pearce. Wow. For as good as Pearce is, this was a really lousy performance. Not all of the blame can be placed on Magno, either. There was just no flow to this match at all.

We see AJ Styles in the back, and he’s approached by A and E. Mr. Anderson says AJ has had a change on his outlook on life. They like it and could use a guy like him in his organization. They had a vest made for him, and Anderson tells him to try it on and just think about joining them.

Sting/Bully Ray video package.

AI stops Hulk Hogan and asks about Sting. He says Sting isn’t here. He needs warriors here, not more politicians. He’s going to the ring to call another warrior out, because he needs to know where this person stands.

Kurt Angle is approached by Joseph Park in the back. He tells Angle he’s here for a fight tonight. He and his classmates watched Angle win his gold medal. A and E did him wrong, and he wants to stand by Angle’s side against A and E tonight. Angle tells him to follow his lead, and if he sees an opportunity, take it.

Hulk Hogan makes his way into the arena. We’ve heard him talk a lot about past mistakes. He won’t make those mistakes anymore. He’s going to lead with his gut, as well as make decisions with it. TNA is being held hostage right now, and there’s one man his gut is telling him to call out, and he’s going to do that right now. That man is none other than AJ Styles, brother. AJ comes out, and he’s still got the A and E vest in his hand. Hulk asks AJ is joining A and E, because if that’s the case, they are way off the page. He understands the personal crap AJ went through. He made the stipulation about the title match, and when AJ lost, he drifted off and turned into a different person. This roster is his family, and AJ has never strayed from them. He’s looking at AJ right now, and he sees a different guy. He’s praying he’s not joining A and E, because AJ is the man he needs right now. TNA needs help, and they need someone dangerous like AJ, brother. Hulk needs AJ Styles, and needs the dangerous version. He hands the mic to AJ. AJ looks at the vest for a moment and asks if Hulk wants him to help. Before he can go further, James Storm interrupts. He remembers the match stipulation where the person who got pinned didn’t get a title match for a year. He also remembers that he was the guy who pinned AJ. That’s how it goes. Everyone loses big matches. What really bothers Storm, though, is that last week, AJ stood there and watched as A and E jumped him. Storm has known AJ for 17 years and has been in TNA since day one as well. They helped build this company. He’s done everything AJ has done. Every time they clock in and get in the ring, they wrestle and perform because it’s what they love to do. From the Asylum in Nashville, to Europe, to San Antonio, to here in Jonesboro, they built this. And now AJ wants to join A and E? Go ahead, because you’re not the same guy he remembers at the fairgrounds. So, AJ better clock out before he gets knocked out. AJ dropes the mic and leaves the ring, still holding onto his vest. Anyone else think this angle is almost exactly like Sting/nWo in 1997?

MATCH 3-3-Way X-Division Qualifier: Sonjay Dutt vs. Mason Andrews vs. Petey Williams Andrews pokes the other two in the chest, so Petey slaps him. Dutt applies a side headlock before shouldering Williams down. Series of pinfalls by all three, and now we have a standoff. Andrews goes to the floor, and Dutt dropkicks Petey for 2. Drop toehold into the ropes by Petey, and he nails Andrews on the floor with a suicide dive. Dutt goes for a plancha, but Petey moves and Dutt hits nothing but air. Andrews rolls Petey into the ring and hits an elbow for 2. Stomps by Andrews, and a spinning backbreaker gets 2. Andrews knocks Dutt off the apron, and now Petey hits some chops. Andrews cuts him off with a kneelift and rams him into the corner. Snapmare out of the corner, followed by an elbow to the shoulder from the second rope for 2. Dutt comes back in and applies an abdominal stretch on Petey. Andrews throws Dutt to the floor and goes after Petey. Dutt comes back in with a springboard dropkick on both competitors. Andrews sends Dutt in the corner, and Dutt counters with a Pendulum, followed by a legdrop across the middle rope. Springboard falling splash by Dutt on Andrews gets 2. Dutt goes for an Ace Crusher, but Petey blocks that and hits a spinning headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep for 2. Dutt counters into a crucifix for 2, and Petey pops back up with a kick. He goes for the Destroyer, but Dutt shoves him into the corner. Up top, Dutt goes for a super hurricanrana, but loses his balance. Andrews pops up with his own version on Petey, and Dutt hits Andrews with an Asai DDT. He goes for a moonsault double stomp, but Andrews moves. Dutt lands on his feet and gets nailed with a running knee, sending him to the floor. Petey gets back in the ring and quickly snaps off the Canadian Destroyer on Andrews for 3.

WINNER: Petey Williams.

We’re in the A and E clubhouse now, and Bully Ray is pissed. He blames Kurt Angle and all of his friends for his bad mood. He knows his boys will get the job done tonight in the 10-man. Let’s go out, kick their asses, take their names, and take their frickin’ souls. Devon has something to ask, and that’s if he’s ready to deal with Brooke. Ray says to be honest, he misses his wife. She took good care of him, and Devon asks if she likes “tag teams”. Ray is going out there, will look her in the eyes, hand her the envelope, and after that, they will all be able to move forward.

MATCH 4: Aces and Eights (Garett Bischoff, Wes Brisco, World Television Champion Devon, DOC and Knux) vs. Kurt Angle, Magnus, Joseph Park, Samoa Joe and Eric Young Angle whips Wes into the ring, then hits some clotheslines. He beats Wes down in the corner, then foot chokes him. Snap suplex gets 2. Wes rakes the eyes and tags in Garret, who gets hip tossed. Angle knocks Garett down with punches, then beats him down in the corner before choking him with his knee. Magnus tags in and fires off some rights. Garett ducks a clothesline before getting caught. Magnus hits him with a modified northern lights bomb, then tags in Joe. Joe hits an inverted atomic drop, Magnus follows with a running boot, and Joe hits a running senton. Garett rakes the eyes and tags in Devon. Joe ducks some punches and hits a series of rights, followed by a running hip bump in the corner and a spin kick to the head. Devon gets dropped with a chop to the chest, and Jo follows up with a chop to the back, a kick to the chest and a jumping kneedrop for 2. Devon fights back and tags in Knux, who hits some rights. Joe ducks a clothesline and hits a running knee. EY tags in, and he comes off with a double axe handle to the arm. EY hits some rights in the corner until Knux hits him with a kneelift. Rights by Knux (noticing a trend here), and he sends EY into the corner, where he hits more punches. EY suckers Knux into the ropes, sending him to the floor, where EY hits a slingshot cross-body. Commercials.

We’re back, and EY gets a 2-count on Knux. Knux fights back in the corner, hitting a forearm to the face and sending EY to the floor with a big boot. Devon rolls EY back in the ring, and Knux hits a legdrop before tagging in DOC. DOC drops an elbow, then hits some body blows in the corner, followed by an uppercut. Short-arm clothesline connects, and DOC follows up with a Warrior Splash for 2. Devon tags in and fires off rights in the corner before hitting a snapmare and applying a trapezius claw. EY fights out, but runs into a spinning back elbow. DOC tags back in and hits an uppercut. EY counters a back suplex and hits a jawbreaker. DOC and Knux knock all of the faces off the apron, preventing a tag. In the corner, EY avoids an avalanche and hits an enziguri. Joseph Park is the only guy on the apron for EY’s team, so he tags in. Park hits some lefts and rights on DOC before clotheslining him to the floor. He knocks Wes down, then the rest of the heels off the apron. Bodyslam on Wes, who apparently tagged in, and a jumping splash gets 2. Both sides fill the ring and brawl now, and guys get sent to the floor, one-by-one. Joe, Park and Devon are the last three left in the ring. Devon hits a right on Joe, but Joe ducks a clothesline and hits a suicide dive to the floor. Devon ducks a clothesline by Park and hits a standing spinebuster. He goes up top for the headbutt, but Park moves out o fthe way. Park mounts the middle rope for the Closing Argument, but Wes and Garett run in. He double clotheslines them, and DOC hits Park with a low blow before getting the 3.

WINNERS: Aces and Eights.

Hulk is in the back with Brooke. He doesn’t feel right about tonight. Brooke says she can handle things tonight, and she’ll even bring security with her. She just wants to get this over with and have no more drama.

Bully Ray makes his way out through the crowd, manila envelope in hand. In seven days, the biggest World Championship rematch in wrestling history (ha!), Ray/Hardy in Corpus Christi, TX, Full Metal Mayhem. Hardy, you have to be the stupidest person he’s ever met. Why on L. Ron Hubbard’s green Earth would you challenge him to a match involving tables, ladders and chairs? Oh, my. That’s in seven days, though. Tonight, Ray wants to take care of some personal business. He would like his beautiful wife (double ha!) Brooke to come to the ring. Brooke comes out with two Atlas Security guys. Ray asks her how she is, then wants to know why she isn’t wearing her wedding ring. He’s still wearing his. It’s a sign of his love and devotion to her. He expects her to do the same for him. He’ll give her a pass this week, but from now on, do what your told and where your ring. He asks what the security guards are for. They should be here for Ray’s protection. After Lockdown, Brooke was a crazed woman, yelling and screaming, kicking things, knocking over tables…she was insane. She should have been happy that night, since her husband became champion. She should have acted like a good wife, but no, she’s an insane woman. That’s okay, though, as he forgives her. He asks if she knows what the envelope is. She guesses it’s divorce papers. Ray says he loves her, and couldn’t have done this without her. She’s the woman behind him that makes him so great. He couldn’t have done this without her. He tells her to open it, and inside is a ticket. It’s a front-row ticket for next week’s Impact. He wants her to sit in the front row and defeat Hardy for the second time. He wants her by his side, cheering him on, looking as beautiful as possible, because lately, she’s let herself go. Brooke slaps Ray on that note, and he laughs. He says he can’t help it, because she’s pathetic. She just smacked him in the face, and he’s laughing at her. He’s in her head so bad, it’s not funny. To be honest, he’s been in her since day one. He dares her to smack him again when Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He orders Brooke out of his ring as Hardy charges in. They brawl until Ray low blows him. Hardy no-sells it and starts fighting back.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 21 and Recap

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This week, TNA is once again in Chicago, and the show opens with Hulk Hogan coming out on one crutch. He says he’s been around a long time, and we’ve been through hell and back together. However, he’s never had the wool pulled over his eyes like this. Not only did Aces and Eights fool the fans, they fooled him, his family, Sting, and everyone else in TNA. When he thinks of what happened last week and how A and E ran roughshod over the TNA roster, he’s realized this is a war for survival. Out of all the men that were left laying last week, the four guys that led the charge are the warriors. They are the men he loves and respects, and they lead the rest of the pack in the back, jack. At this time, he wants nothing but respect for these four, and he wants to bring them out here right now. First out is Samoa Joe, second is Magnus, third is “the scariest man I’ve ever looked into his eyes” Kurt Angle, and fourth is Jeff Hardy. As Hulk speaks to these men, he’s also speaking to everyone in the back. The reason these four are here is because he wants them to put A and E out and bring the World title back to TNA. Jeff Hardy, you took us to a place Hulk never thought they’d be. But after the attack last week, can he pull off a rematch? Hardy says he’s in bad shape, but Bully Ray stole the title, and we, “the creatures”, need it back. These other men are ready, and tonight, let’s have a four-way between everyone in the ring, with the winner getting a shot at Bully Ray. Hulk says the last time he picked a #1 contender, it was a mistake, so he loves this idea. Looks like we’ve got our main event.

MATCH 1-World Tag Team Championship: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez vs. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode (Champions) This is the match that was supposed to happen at the top of the show last week. Chavo and Roode start the match. Chavo counters a waistlock in to an arm wringer. Roode counters into a hammerlock, and Chavo counters once more into the wringer. Roode punches his way out, but gets hit with a European uppercut before rebounding with punches. Chavo comes off the ropes with a spinning headscissors before beating Roode down in the corner. Hernandez tags in, Chavo hits a bodyslam, Hernandez bodyslams Chavo onto Roode and then hits a Warrior Splash for 2. Roode fights back and tags in Aries, beating Hernandez down in the corner. Aries boxes the ears, then hits an open-hand chop to the chest. Roode back in with a kick before tagging Aries in once more. They go for a double suplex, but Hernandez counters into one of his own before tagging in Chavo, who hits a pair of dropkicks on Roode. Commercials.

We’re back, and Aries throws Chavo to the floor, where Roode slams him into the steps. Roode holds Chavo up, and Aries comes off the top with an elbow. Back in the ring, Aries gets 2. Aries applies a front chancery, but Chavo fights out. He goes to the ropes, where Aries catches him with a kitchen sink. Roode in, and he hits a back suplex for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Chavo fights out once again and sends Roode to the corner. He goes for a monkey flip, but Roode blocks him and props him on the top rope. Chavo strikes from this position and hits a tornado DDT. Aries and Hernandez tag in, and Hernandez with the hot tag offense before hitting a Warrior Press on Aries. Hernandez goes up the ramp and hits an outside-in Air Mexico on both champions. He goes for the Border Toss on Aries, but Roode boots him in the gut. Roode gets hit with a Pounce, sending him to the floor. Aries blocks a corner charge and goes for a cross-body, but Hernandez catches him. He tags in Chavo and goes for a powerbomb, but Aries takes him to the floor with a hurricanrana. Back in the ring, he mocks Chavo as he goes for the brainbuster, but Chavo counters into the 3 Amigos as the crowd dumps all over him for it. Chavo goes up top, but Kazarian runs down to distract the referee as Christopher Daniels shoves Chavo off the top. Aries rolls him up with a handful of tights and gets the 3.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Austin Aries and Bobby Roode. After the match, Bad Influence attack the champs from behind.

Apparently, all X-Division matches will now be contested in 3-way matches. G*ddammit, TNA. Why do you continue to piss me off?

We see an interview from Kenny King from earlier today. He says he should be mad about the new changes to the X-Division, but this kind of stuff has always been happening to him. If TNA wants to be this way, so be it. If they put two guys in front of him, TNA better set up two funerals. This just gives him a chance to shine even brighter. The interview then turns into a commercial for 5-Hour Energy as TNA rubs more salt in the wound.

MATCH 2-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: Sonjay Dutt vs. Zema Ion vs. Kenny King (Champion) I didn’t realize Dutt still worked here. Just shows how TNA has no idea what to do with talent in most cases. Apparently, the belt will be defended each week in these kind of matches, and the person who doesn’t get pinned or doesn’t submit moves onto the 3-way the following week. Just keep digging that grave, TNA. Ion applies a side headlock on Dutt, but gets shouldered by King. Dutt hits a spinning headscissors on Ion, and the three botch a spot in the corner. King runs into Ion, and Dutt takes them both down with a hurricanrana/armdrag combo, sending them to the floor. They drag Dutt outside and ram him into the barricade. King then does the same to Ion before hitting a somersault plancha from the apron. He rams Ion into the apron and throws him back in the ring, getting 2. Jumping hip bump in the corner by King before he foot chokes Ion. Float-over suplex into some mounted punches by King before stopping Dutt from entering the ring. He runs into an elbow by Ion but catches him in a fireman’s carry. Ion fights out but runs into a jumping roundhouse. Dutt hits a springboard dropkick on King, then goes up top. King shoves him off onto the ramp, and now Ion begins to fight back until he runs into a modified Ghetto Blaster. Ion rolls to the apron and hits the inside-out DDT, and Dutt comes back in and sends Ion to the floor with a hurricanrana. Both heels are outside now, and Dutt hits a top rope moonsault before throwing Ion back in. Bodyslam by Dutt, and he goes for the Hindu Press. King blocks him, and Ion goes up for a back suplex. Dutt elbows him off and hits a moonsault into a double stomp. King comes back in with a springboard blockbuster on Dutt and gets the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Kenny King. Dutt is now out of the title picture for a while. Smart move TNA. Instead of getting rid Ion’s worthless ass, you bring Dutt back for one night and then remove him from the title hunt for a while.

AI stops Brooke Hogan to ask about her husband, and she says she’s only here to run the KO division tonight.

We get an interview with Bully Ray as he talks about “plan B” going into effect, that being him using the Hogan family to become champion. Joseph Park became the bait, and we basically get a video package highlighting the entire stupid storyline involving A and E. I kid you not, this video package is almost ten minutes long. It’s ridiculous.

We see Sting entering the building. Moments later, he enters Hulk Hogan’s office. He says he doesn’t care about the title; this is about making things right. Give him Bully tonight. Hulk says things haven’t changed in his mind, so why doesn’t Sting do what he does best and go hide up in the rafters for a couple of years. Whenever Sting is around, he causes problems, so get out.

Video package for the meaningless Gail Kim/Taryn Terrell feud.

Taryn Terrell comes out to Traci Brooks’ old music and says she knows she’s on probation, and her job is to control chaos, not create it. But when Gail Kim put her hands on Taryn twice, she had to retaliate. So, she guesses it’s time for her to accept the consequences. Gail Kim interrupts this little speech, takes the mic and says she’s glad Taryn learned her lesson, and that’s you don’t mess with Gail Kim. Gail Kim is the greatest female wrestler to have ever lived, and the greatest knockout in company history. She created the division, and without her, Taryn wouldn’t exist. Now, she’s going to call out Brooke Hogan to do what she should have done a long time ago, and that’s to fire Taryn. So Brooke, come out and do what we’ve been waiting for. Brooke says this was a hard decision for her to make, and she’s thought long and hard about it. Taryn, you know she loves you, but she has to be fair as the V.P. of the knockouts division, so she has to terminate Taryn as knockouts referee. She asks Kim if she’s happy, then says she has good news that might make everyone here happy. That news is that Taryn has been signed to the knockouts roster as an active competitor. Big surprise there. Taryn immediately spears Kim and knocks her to the floor before chasing her to the back.

Bully Ray comes out of the crowd and approaches Brooke on the ramp. He shows her he’s wearing his wedding ring and says, “’Til death do us part”. Brooke responds by saying, “I hate you” approximately 812 times.

We get another A and E video narrated by Bully Ray, and this time, he describes each unmasked member of the group and why they turned on TNA. A ridiculous amount of this video is spent on Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff. Once again, nearly 10 minutes long.

Kurt Angle talks about tonight, and his match tonight is the most important in a year and a half, as it’s been that long since he was champion. He needs to prove he’s the best wrestler alive and the one to take down A and E, and that starts with the World title.

MATCH 3: Matt Morgan vs. Joseph Park Morgan immediately shoves Park away, then piefaces him into the ropes. Park swings at him, but Morgan moves and shoves him into the turnbuckle. Morgan shoves him again, and Park shoves back before putting his fists up. Morgan drops him with a body blow, then screams “Forearm!” at him before hitting one across the back. Morgan continues to call his own moves as he does them. He hits a back elbow and a clothesline to the back of the head. Park climbs up to his feet in the corner, where he dodges an avalanche. Morgan rebounds and hits a discus clothesline. Headbutt by Morgan, and now he rakes the eyes over the middle rope. Morgan applies a modified surfboard stretch through the ropes. He calls for the Carbon Footprint, but misses and ends up crotching himself on the top rope. Park bounces Morgan back into the ring, hits a few punches and a clothesline. He ducks a clothesline and hits a running shoulderblock. Park goes to the middle rope and goes for the Closing Argument, but Morgan moves. He drops Park with the Carbon Footprint before falling on his own ass and gets the 3.

WINNER: Matt Morgan. Morgan should never use a pump kick as a finisher ever again. After all these years, he still can’t do it right.

AI stops Jeff Hardy to ask about Bully Ray. He says it means everything to get that belt back, but if it’s not him tonight, he knows Magnus, Joe and Angle are all ready to do it.

Mike Tenay is in the ring, and he brings out AJ Styles. Tenay says he’s known AJ for over 10 years and called every one of his matches in TNA, and considers them friends. Now he wants to know what’s been going on with AJ lately. AJ just stares at him. Tenay asks him about the rumors about alcohol and drug use. Taz cuts him off and says to let a professional do it. Taz says he saw the video on wherever the hell it is he’s from. Life’s about opportunities, and he was talking to the boys in A and E. So, he has a “PROSPECT” vest for AJ. He’d have to start off at the bottom, but the spot is his if he wants it. Taz makes fun of AJ’s motorcycle for a moment until James Storm comes out, mic in hand. He asks if this is the new AJ Styles, a guy who can’t even face who’s talking to him at the moment. That’s fine. He can be the new AJ with his new look, because the old AJ that Storm knew would say exactly what he thought about someone to their face. He can be the new AJ, but Storm is still the same douchebag. AJ can think about suckerpunching him again, but when you think about it, Storm is going to knock his teeth down his throat and spit out his stupid catchphrase. AJ stares at Storm for a minute before backing out of the ring. Storm says everyone wants to know what’s going on, but AJ isn’t listening.

Yet ANOTHER Bully Ray video, and this time it’s about Brooke Hogan and Sting. This one is a little shorter, only going about 5 minutes.

MATCH 4-4-Way Match to determine a new #1 contender for the World Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy As I said on Facebook, Magnus may be the most underrated guy in this company. All four men are legal at all times, it looks like. Magnus attacks Hardy as Joe attacks Angle. Hardy and Angle get beaten down in opposite corners until Hardy ducks a punche and ifres off some of his own shots. Magnus pushes Hardy into Joe, and Joe hits a clothesline. He clotheslines Magnus, then hits a hip bump on Angle in the corner, followed by a spin kick to the head. Snapmare by Joe, and he chops the back, kicks the chest and drops a jumping knee for 2. Magnus and Hardy are brawling on the outside as Joe hits a chop on Angle. Joe dodges Angle and sends him to the floor, where Hardy and Magnus beat him down. Joe takes them all out with a suicide dive. Commercials.

Back from the break, Angle is hitting Magnus with punches, but runs into an inverted atomic drop by Joe. Magnus hits a running boot and Joe hits a running senton as Magnus gets 2 on Angle. He hits the misdirection clothesline on Joe, then a running knee on Angle. Hardy goes for a cross-body on Magnus, but gets caught with a modified northern lights bomb. Magnus drops a couple of elbows, getting 2. Magnus applies a rear chinlock, and Hardy fights out until Magnus whips him back down. Outside Angle rakes Joe’s eyes. Back in the ring, Magnus hits a running elbow across Hardy’s back. He stops Angle and Joe from getting back in the ring, then stomps Hardy down in the corner. Joe gets back in, and Magnus meets him with some knee strikes before getting hit with a back elbow. Joe with a series of headbutts, but runs right into the MGD by Magnus. Magnus rams Hardy into the corner and hits some forearms. He sends Hardy into the opposite corner, where Hardy hits a spinning headscissors. Hardy with an inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick. He hits sit-out Twists on both Angle and Joe, then hits the standard version on Magnus. Hardy goes up top for the swanton bomb, but Angle cuts him off. Hardy shoves Angle down, and Magnus drops Hardy with a shot to the face. Angle hits an overhead belly-to-belly on Magnus and a release German suplex on Joe. Ankle lock is applied on Joe, and Joe kicks him off into Magnus. Hardy hits a swanton on Joe and gets the 3.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy. Big surprise there.

End of show.

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 14 and Recap

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Tonight, not only do we get the return of AJ Styles, but it’s also the first show after Lockdown, one of the most predictable cards TNA has put on in years. More on that throughout the recap. For now, the show is actually opening with a match.

Oops. My bad. No, it isn’t. What was supposed to be a tag title match with Aries and Roode defending against Chavo and Hernandez turns into Aces and Eights attacking Chavo and Hernandez right after they get into the ring. Oh, and the show is in Chicago tonight, BTW. Just pointing that out. Watching D’Lo and Knux (formerly Mike Knox) blubber it up in the ring is embarrassing. Devon grab the mic, and he tells the crowd to sit down and shut the hell up. This is the group that will dominate from now on. So, without further ado, let him introduce to you, the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, his brother, Bully Ray.

Ray makes his way out through the crowd, and some generic lyrics have been added to the A and E theme. Not only is Ray the new champion, but he was announced as the president of A and E. Big surprise there. D’Lo puts a vest on Ray, and Ray asks if we know who he is. Not a damn clue, no. He’s Bully Ray. He is the president of A and E. And he is the TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He’s the guy that used Sting. He’s the guy that screwed Brooke. He’s the guy that made a fool of Hulk Hogan. But you know what? He’s also the guy that made a fool out of every frickin’ one of you. For nine months, you bought into it. For nine months, they pulled the wool over your eyes. For nine months, you bought it. Devon, he cannot tell you how proud he was of Devon & A and E when they threw the hammer to Ray and he drilled Jeff Hardy in the back of the head. Ray never felt so proud. But it wasn’t supposed to go down that way. Remember at Lockdown when Wes and Garett came over the top of the cage? That when he was supposed to leave the cage. That’s when it was supposed to happen. Why didn’t happen? Because of Hulk. An hour before that match, Hulk sat him down and had a “father-to-son-in-law” talk. Hulk started to ramble about how Andre the Giant gave him advice to do something memorable. Ray couldn’t give a damn about Hulk’s advice, but he did something memorable. In one night, he did something the nWo could never accomplish during their entire run. Hulk, if you’ve got the balls, come out here and fire them. He dares you. It won’t happen. You can chant his name all you want, Hulk’s not firing them. They’re A and E, and when you ride with them, you’ll never walk alone.

Sting is in the back, saying Ray is digging his grave and the grave of TNA. Now Ray is in the fast lane, and it’s pissing him off. He’s going to get Bully, and he’s going to start by talking to Hulk.

MATCH 1: Gail Kim and Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Mickie James and Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky Velvet Sky is still the Knockouts Champion, yet they showed Gail Kim with the belt in the opening graphic. Gotta love TNA and their screw-ups. Kim does a cut-away promo about Taryn Terrell being put on probation for putting her hands on Kim at Lockdown. Mike Tenay calls this a hometown welcome for Tara, despite the fact that she is from California and runs a business in Kentucky. Chicago is in neither of those states. Kim and Sky start the match. Sky blocks a kick and applies a side headlock. Kim shoves her off and shoulders her off the ropes. Sky dodges a legdrop, hits a Japanese armdrag and a standard version. She blocks a hip toss and hits a short-arm clothesline before tagging in James, and the faces his the old Tajiri/Whipwreck double leg whip. In the corner, James hits a kick to the gut and some mounted punches before knocking Tara from the apron. Enziguri by James for 2. Commercials.

We’re back, and the heels are in control with Tara being legal. She hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner on James, but James fights out with punches, but Tara manages to apply the Tarantula for a 4-count. Outside, Kim throws James to the ground before rolling her back in the ring. Tara goes for a pin, getting 2. Kim tags in and the heels hit a double slingshot suplex for 2. In the corner, Kim applies a foot choke before getting in Taryn’s face. James uses the distraction to hit the Tunacanrana, and the two hit simultaneous clotheslines. Tara and Sky tag in. Sky hits a pair of jumping clotheslines and a back elbow. She ducks a clothesline and hits a headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep for 2. Petey Williams, she isn’t. Kim breaks up the pin before shoving Taryn down. Taryn slaps Kim, and James comes off the top with a Thesz Press on Kim. Tara back in, and she hits the Widow’s Peak on James. She turns around and gets hit with In Yo Face for 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Velvet Sky.

We’re now in the A and E clubhouse, and they’re drinking beer. Ray says Hulk doesn’t have the balls to fire them, but if he does, he wants to propose a toast to all them and to the guys who stuck by him, A and E. Ray then remembers he hasn’t heard from his wife in a while, so he calls her. It immediately goes to voicemail, so he leaves a sarcastic message, then puts the phone on speaker so A and E can say “hi”. He tells her to tell her dad “hello”.

Before the next match, Robbie E tells Robbie T that what happened on Sunday was a fluke, bro, and tonight, T won’t be so lucky, bro.

MATCH 2: Robbie E vs. Rob Terry E tries to attack from behind, but Terry shoulders him down before hip tossing him out of the corner. Pancake by Terry, and E goes to the corner. T hits a running back elbow and a delayed vertical suplex into a powerslam. He grabs E on his shoulders and hits the Freakbuster for 3.

WINNER: Robbie Terry. Terry does some stupid fist-pumping and dancing after the match to music that would make Fandango embarrassed.

Sting goes to the elevator.

Back in the clubhouse, Ray is complaining about no A and E merchandise at the tables tonight. He tells one of the guys to open up a TNA roster book, and whoever the page is opened to pays the price tonight.

We see Sting and Hulk Hogan in an office. Hulk is pissed and blaming Sting for everything. He knew all along Ray was rotten to the core, and now he has the World title. Now A and E has the whole company hostage. Now, his daughter is married to Bully. Sting says he has an idea. Don’t fire A and E yet, especially Bully. Let him have Bully tonight. Hulk says there is no more “we” anymore. He knows how this movie ends. This is the end. A and E has the title and his daughter. The movie is over, and so is Sting. Hulk has business to take care of and he doesn’t want to see Sting right now. Get out. You make him sick.

We see Austin Aries and Bobby Roode approach Sting as he’s leaving. Aries says you can’t blame Hulk for being upset, because it really is all Sting’s fault. Everyone told Sting Bully Ray was no good, and he didn’t want to hear it. He’s the reason why A and E are running things right now, and also the reason why they can’t wrestle tonight, thanks to their opponents being attacked by A and E. After that match, they were going to give Sting and Hulk a title match, too. Sting cuts them off and says he’s tired of talking, but instead wants to fight. He wants one of them, and Roode slowly backs away. Sting challenges Aries at that point.

Christy Hemme welcomes AJ Styles into the ring. His music hits, but no one is coming out. After a few moments, Bad Influence’s music hits instead, and they come down to the ring, dressed like The Road Warriors, Daniels as Hawk and Kaz as Animal. Kaz says that tonight isn’t just the first live Impact on the road, and it’s definitely not the first time AJ has disappointed his fans, but tonight Bad Influence brings back “Throwback Thursday”. Since they are in the “Second City”, they’re paying homage to the second-best tag team in wrestling history. Tell ‘em Chris! WELL…those warriors, that Legion of the Past, they were fake tough guys. Fake tough like AJ Styles and fake tough like every one of you. Bad Influence, however, are the real deal. They’re the original “ring warriors”, and they are the “Legion of Boom”. Oooh…what a tush! And on that note, you have permission to worship them now.

James Storm comes out, mic in hand. He tells BI they don’t have to run. He was listening to them run their bottle suckers, mocking AJ Styles and mocking one of the greatest teams in history. He’s pretty sure AJ will come out and let them know what he thinks of them. As for LOD, they’re bigger and more over than BI will ever be. And unlike these two douchebags, they were actually from Chicago. Now, onto the tough part, he can help with that. He’s going to decide which one of them wants to have the crap kicked out of them. Before they can decide, Storm slingshots Daniels into the ring.

MATCH 3: Christopher Daniels (w/Kazarian) vs. James Storm Storm blocks a hip toss and hits his own before nailing a corner uppercut and a back body drop. He blocks a kick and hits a discus punch. Storm sends Daniels into Kaz on the apron and rolls him up for 2. Kaz trips Storm behind the ref’s back, and Daniels connects with a running knee. He stomps Storm down in the corner, then sends him hard into the opposite corner. Double stomp to the back, followed by some kneelifts. Daniels applies a waistlock, but Storm elbows out. He runs right into a shoulder, and Daniels follows up with a snapmare and a split-legged moonsault for 2. They trade some punches, and Storm comes back with a forearm, inverted atomic drop and a bulldog. He calls for the Eye of the Storm, but Daniels escapes and hits an uppercut, followed by a standing uranage. BME misses as Daniels lands on his feet. Storm hits Closing Time and calls for the Last Call, but Kaz causes a distraction. Daniels attacks from behind, but Storm sees him coming, ducks and hits a backcracker for 3.

WINNER: James Storm. BI double teams Storm after the match, stomping him down. AJ Styles walks down to the ring, still trying to look drunk and strung out. He clocks Kaz, and Daniels bails. AJ then nails Storm before heading towards the back.

Wes Brisco stops Kurt Angle in the back. As he turns, A and E jump Angle from behind and beat him down.

Joseph Park makes his way out. He says it’s an honor to be standing here tonight. It’s no secret it’s been a couple of crazy months for Park. In the UK, he got his first big win over Robbie E, and he even won again last weekend at Lockdown. With all of this early success he’s had, it’s made him reflect on the highlights of his life. Number one has to be graduating law school at the top of his class. Number two would have to be when he finally made partnership at the law firm of Park, Park & Park, who are here tonight in the nosebleeds. The highlight of his life to this point, though, has to be right here in front of his hometown of Chicago, IL. He grew up watching all of the Cubby games, which results in boos from the crowd. He panders to the Blackhawks fans after that before saying nothing has been as exciting as his time in Impact Wrestling, and he can’t wait for what’s next.

Matt Morgan interrupts things. He tells Park to back off before saying that Hulk making mistake after mistake is an understatement. Did the Bully Ray situation turn out the way you hoped? That being said, with all of the mistakes Hulk has made, none are bigger than this walking joke standing in front of him. The fact that you signed this clown to a pro wrestling contract on Impact is an abortion to the sport of wrestling. Here’s what he’s going to do, old man. He’s going to start eliminating Hulk’s mistakes one-by-one, starting with Park. So, unless Park wants his teeth knocked down his throat, he is strongly advised to get the hell out of Morgan’s ring now. Park starts to leave, but hesitates after Morgan calls Chicago a “dump city”. Park tells Morgan that, in Chicago, they never back down from a fight. So, if you want a fight, let’s do it right now. Morgan asks if he’s serious then says they don’t do things on Park’s time; they do them on Morgan’s time. Morgan leaves, but as Park turns around, he gets back in the ring and drops Park with a big boot. You can tell he was going for the Carbon Footprint, but they botched the spot. Morgan then tells Park his time is next week.

Back in the A and E clubhouse. Ray asks Hulk if he’s going to fire them. Chavo’s out. Hernandez is out, and now so is Angle. Grow some balls and fire them. If Hulk doesn’t come to them, they’ll go to him. They destroyed his family, and they’ll destroy his show as well. In fact, that sounds like a good idea. Let’s start right now.

MATCH 4: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries (w/Bobby Roode) vs. Sting Sting immediately backs Aries into a corner and shoves him down. Aries takes Sting down and spins across his back before posing in the corner. Aries boots Sting in the midsection before applying a side headlock. Sting counters by picking Aries up and setting him across the top turnbuckle, where he punches and kicks him in the gut. A running kick causes Aries to hotshot himself and Sting goes for the Stinger Splash. However, Aries sees it coming and rolls to the outside. Back in the ring, Sting blocks a kick and strikes Aries several times before hitting an inverted atomic drop. Behind the ref’s back, Roode trips Sting and pulls him to the outside. Sting fights back with punches and throws Roode into the guardrail, where he hits a Stinger Splash. Aries comes off the top with a double axe handle, but Sting moves and Aries hits Roode. Sting throws Aries into a chair before celebrating on the apron. Commercials.

We’re back, and Sting is still in control. Go figure. Aries forearms him to the back off a Roode distraction, but Sting comes back with punches before clotheslining Aries to the floor. Roode causes another distraction, so the ref ejects him from ringside. Aries kicks the ropes as Sting is climbing back in, essential low-blowing him. Sting rolls to the outside, where Aries nails him with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Aries goes for the cover, getting 2. Aries hits a jumping elbow drop for another 2. Foot choke near the corner by Aries before nailing Sting with a left jab, hitting a snapmare and a missile dropkick from the middle rope for 2. Spinal tap by Aries for another 2. Sting begins to fight back out of the corner with his weak-looking backhands, but Aries dropkicks him in the left knee before stomping it for 1. Aries boxes the ears, and Sting does the same to him. He goes for a dropkick, but Aries holds onto the ropes, sending Sting back-first to the mat. Aries goes for the scorpion deathlock, but doesn’t know how to apply it. Sting kicks him off, hits more backhands and turns him inside out with a clothesline. Sting hits an uppercut and goes for the scorpion, but Aries escapes and rolls to the apron, where he hits a hotshot. Up top, Aries hits a missile dropkick. Sting no-sells as Aries mocks him. Sting boots him in the gut and hits a weak gorilla-press slam. Aries crawls to the corner, where he dodges a Stinger Splash and follows up with a running corner dropkick. Aries hits a Stinger Splash of his own, then goes for the brainbuster. Sting counters into the Scorpion Death Drop, but only gets 2. Aries crawls to the corner again, and Sting connects with a slo-mo Stinger Splash. He applies the scorpion deathlock, but A and E attacks.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Sting. A and E beat Sting down in the ring as Aries heads for the hills. Ray tells two of them to hold Sting up. Ray tells Sting he used him. Is that what Hulk meant by “do something memorable”? Do you think you’ll remember A and E now, Hulk? Where are you? Are you going to fire them? Where is everyone’s hero? Where are you, dad? Come on, Hulk! This is memorable. They have taken over Impact!

Hulk’s music hits. Why do I get the sickening feeling they’re building to a Hulk/Ray match for the title? Oh, because it’s TNA and Hulk Hogan. Duh. Anyway, Hulk comes out on crutches and stops on the stage. You know something, brother? Firing you would be the coward’s way out. It’d be too damn easy. For everything you’ve done to everyone, you’re not getting the easy way out, brother. Every dog has its day. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow. Live by the sword, die by the sword. And from this day forward, Hulk is empowering everyone in the TNA locker room to band together, to fight, and to eliminate A and E, brother. Jeff Hardy’s music hits, and he, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Joseph Park, RVD, Kurt Angle, Rob Terry and Hernandez. After a few moments, A and E dominate the TNA roster. Chavo Guerrero is also in tere apparently, and they get rid of him pretty quickly. Angle gets back in the ring after being beaten down by Ray, but they beat him down as Ray climbs back in. He has a mic, and he asks “dad” if this is what he meant by something memorable. How’s this for memorable, you old bastard? Ray begins whipping the TNA guys with his wallet chain before heading up the ramp towards Hulk. He says that was Hulk’s cavalry, and they just got killed by A and E. What are you going to do now, dad?

End of show.

Well, for that being TNA’s first live Impact on the road, it was pretty much a throw-away show. Not a good start.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 7 and Recap

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This week’s episode of Impact Wrestling is the “go home” show before Lockdown, which I will have predictions for later tonight.

Last week, we learned last week who will make up the teams for Lethal Lockdown, and man, is that match going to suck.

Kurt Angle enters the building and AI asks who the VP of Aces and Eights is. Angle said he’ll reveal the identity of the VP later tonight. This is a TNA problem, and no on in the company is safe.

In the Impact Zone, Austin Aries makes his way out. He and Roode will defend the World Tag Team titles in a 3-way match against Bad Influence and Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. He says that, if there’s a better way to start Impact than him, it hasn’t been discovered yet. You’re looking at the common denominator of greatness, and that means wherever Austin Aries is, greatness is sure to follow. He can’t seem to get a hold of Bobby Roode, but that’s okay because, last week, without Roode being here, he still got the job done. Aries took out Hernandez and proved that being “Supermex” isn’t as good as being “the greatest man that ever lived”. After his victory, he graciously went out and found Buddy Ray & Jeff Hardy, and he gave them some words of confidence for their big title match in a few short days. Now, he didn’t have to do that, but he did. Did they appreciate it? No. They disrespected him. Now it’s a whole new game. Last week, Buddy Ray told him he’d never again be the World Champion. Well, guess what? He’s about to prove Ray wrong, because he’s calling out the World Champion Jeff Hardy, and he’s challenging Hardy right now to a match right here, and if Hardy is half the champ he says he is, he’ll meet Aries in the ring and prove it.

MATCH 1: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries vs. World Champion Jeff Hardy (non-title) Aries attacks Hardy before the bell with a suicide dive. He throws Hardy’s custom belt on the ground before stomping Hardy and throwing him in the ring. The match officially starts, and Aries continues the attack with lefts. Aries sends Hardy into the corner, and lands a running elbow. Aries gets 2 off a snapmare, then hits a jumping knee for another 2. Aries fires off some more lefts, then chokes Hardy over the bottom rope for 2. In the corner, Hardy begins to fight back with kicks and rights. He stomps Aries down in the opposite corner. He hits 10 corner punches and follows up by reversing a corner whip and going for a headscissors. Aries catches him and shoves him over the top rope and to the floor. Aries mocks Hardy in the ring as we go to commercials.

We’re back, and Aries is still in control. Hardy starts to fight back with rights. He ducks an elbow and goes for a sunset flip, but Aries rolls through and hits a dropkick for 2. Aries hits a series of elbows to the back of the neck, then goes for the brainbuster. Hardy reverses into a small package for 2, and Aries pops back up and hits a clothesline for 2. Aries boxes the ears in the corner, then lays in some open-hand chops and lefts. Hardy fights back, sends Aries into the corner, but misses an avalanche. Aries mounts the middle rope, mocks Hardy once more and hits a splash for 2. He screams at the ref for a supposed slow count, and Hardy sneaks in a schoolboy for 2. Aries gets back up, Hardy ducks a clothesline and hits a reverse enziguri. Aries recovers and runs into a sit-out jawbreaker. Aries goes to the corner, where Hardy hits an avalanche. Hardy hits some boots and a flying clothesline. Aries reverses a corner whip, but runs into a knee. Hardy mounts the middle rope and hits a splash for 2. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate, and Aries shoves him off, but runs into a headscissors that sends him to the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and hits a running cross-body from the apron. Back in the ring, Hardy calls for the swanton, but Aries cuts him off and knocks him to the apron. Aries goes for a suplex, but Hardy escapes, hits the sit-out Twist of Fate, then follows up with the standard version. Matt Morgan runs into the ring and drops Hardy with a Carbon Footprint, leading to the DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Austin Aries. After the match, Morgan drags Hardy outside, props his head against the ring post and goes for another Carbon Footprint, but Buddy Ray runs down and steps between the two, challenging Morgan to a fight. Morgan backs off and begins heading up the ramp, telling Ray this has nothing to do with him.

In Sting’s office, he’s talking to Team TNA, encouraging each man individually to work their hardest in Lethal Lockdown. Sting then starts screaming and says he feels better. Tonight, he’s going to kick things off against anyone who gets in his face. His team, save for Eric Young, all look less than thrilled.

Kurt Angle is headed out to the Impact Zone, and he has the mask of The Black Scorpion in his hand.

AI stops Matt Morgan to ask what just happened. He says he knows what he wants and deserves. Jeff Hardy is the World Champion. Buddy Ray is the hand-picked #1 contender. Morgan made a promise when he came back that he would gut the roster until he got what he deserved, and he’s just getting started.

Wes Brisco makes his way into the Impact Zone. This should be stunning. Brisco says that, before Angle can come out and reveal the VP of A and E, he has to get something off his chest. His dad and uncle were one of the greatest wrestlers (oh yeah, this should be amazing), and they told him Angle was the best wrestler they have ever seen. Wes believed it and wanted to be Angle until he got the chance to meet him. Then he realized how worthless Angle really is, just like that tin medal around his neck for some sport the Olympics kicked out. This Sunday in the cage, Wes Brisco will be on top and Kurt, he will use you as a stepping stone, and the whole world will know that a Brisco is better than an Angle.

Sadly, I am relieved to see Kurt Angle interrupt things. Listening to Brisco is painful. Angle says he remembers things differently. He remembers the snot-nosed kids asking questions all the time. When he grew up, he called Angle all the time for advice. Wes isn’t like his dad or uncle. If you don’t respect Kurt Angle, you don’t respect the business. Angle made a mistake by trusting Wes, and he will rectify that at Lockdown by beating Wes within an inch of his life. Before he reveals the VP tonight, he’s going to whip Wes’ ass right now. Angle immediately takes Wes down and fires off some rights to the head, knocking Wes to the floor. The Elite Beat Agents run down and try to break up the fight, throwing them back in the ring to do so. That makes sense. Angle charges in, and D’Lo Brown kicks him in the balls. He knocks Al Snow to the floor as Wes Brisco does the same to Pat Kenney. Yes, D’Lo Brown, yet another retired wrestler, is now part of Aces and Eights. Man, this group is just the most elite faction I’ve ever seen. Brown gets a mic and says he came down to reclaim a little “club property”, holding the mask as he says it. He’s going to spoil Angle’s surprise by revealing that he is the VP of A and E. Recognize that, Angle.

We see A and E celebrating in the back as they hand Brown his vest. Brown says he’ll never take the vest off again, then tells Devon to get out to the ring and take care of business. Brown then says that, when he joined A and E on day one, he was told he’d never walk alone. He knows he can trust every member with his life. Sting, can you say the same thing? Can you trust the guys you’ll be in the cage with? He doesn’t think so. Aces and Eights forever, dawg. I hate this storyline so very, very much.

MATCH 2: World Television Champion Devon vs. Sting (non-title) I’m so glad Devon defends his title all the time. He’s added such prestige to such a valuable belt. Sting attacks Devon before the opening bell, hitting some chops to the chest. Apparently, this is the first in a 3-match series tonight to determine who will have the advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match. Devon comes off the ropes with a spear. Rights by Devon, and he backs Sting into the corner, punching him down to the mat. Clothesline by Devon gets 2. Neck vice is applied by Devon, but Sting fights out. Devon rakes the eyes, then hits a neckbreaker for 2. Devon chokes Sting over the middle rope, then hits a bodyslam before mounting the middle rope. Devon misses a headbutt, and now Sting comes back with a pair of clotheslines and a slo-mo Stinger Splash. Sting clotheslines Devon to the floor and follows out, where he rams Devon into the guardrail a couple of times. He slams Devon into the steps, then back to the guardrail and the apron. Someone from the crowd throws something in Sting’s face and flees. Devon shoves Sting into the ring post and splits him open in the process. Back in the ring, Devon hits a big boot and gets the 3.

WINNER: Devon.

AI asks Velvet Sky how it feels to be KO Champion again. Gail Kim interrupts her as she gushes, saying she should split the belt with Taryn Terrell. Kim says she’s beaten Sky before and is undefeated at Lockdown. Sky slaps her in the face and walks off.

We see Bruce Prichard and Al Snow talking about Gut Check. Prichard informs Snow that Hulk Hogan has pulled Taz from being a Gut Check judge, and his replacement is “Nightmare” Danny Davis. Prichard notes that Davis trained John Cena without saying his name. Davis talks about Ivelisse, saying she’s gorgeous and a great fighter. Snow moves onto Lei’D Tapa, saying she has size, charisma and presence, plus is 2nd generation. Prichard says Tapa looked uncomfortable, and both Davis & Snow agree on that.

We now see the judges with the contestants in the back. Prichard calls this the toughest Gut Check they’ve ever had to decide on. Only one of them gets a contract, and he said it was tough, but they have to do it, and the decision is that Lei’D Tapa gets the chance tonight while Ivelisse Valez gets sent home. Wow. Didn’t see that coming. Then again, Prichard’s a dumbass, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.

MATCH 3-6-Person Tag Team Match: Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez and Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky vs. Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels & Kazarian) and Gail Kim Hernandez and Kaz start the match with a lock-up. Hernandez shoves Kaz into the corner before going back to the lock-up. Hernandez backs Kaz into the corner, and Kaz thumbs him in the eye before throwing him to the heel corner. Daniels tags in and fires off some forearms. He goes for a bodyslam, but Hernandez easily reverses into his own. Chavo tags and hits a seated dropkick off a Hernandez snapmare. Hernandez back in, who hits a bearhug suplex. He goes for the delayed vertical suplex, but Kaz runs interference. Hernandez ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Chavo back in, and he dropkicks Daniels off a slingshot and follows up with a hilo. Chavo hits a European uppercut, nearly falling on his face in the process, then hits a spinning headscissors. Rights by Chavo, and Kim trips him off the ropes. Daniels boots Chavo down, then gets tripped by Sky. Chavo now fires off rights in the corner before getting hit by an apron clothesline from Kaz. Daniels chokes Chavo over the middle rope as Kaz tags in. Kaz hits a flipping neckbreaker, getting 2. Daniels back in, and he stomps Chavo down in the corner. Kim and Kaz take turns choking him behind Taryn Terrell’s back. Chavo fights out of the corner, but Daniels punches him before tagging in Kaz, and Bad Influence hits the slingshot elbow/leg combo for 2. Kaz applies a rear chinlock, but Chavo fights out before running into a dropkick. Daniels makes the fake tag, dropping an elbow for 2 before going back to the rear chinlock. Chavo fights out once more, but is clubbed down by Daniels. Daniels knocks Hernandez off the apron, and turns around into a dropkick. The knockouts tag in, and Sky hits a pair of clotheslines, followed by a spinning headscissors. Spear by Sky gets 2 as Daniels breaks it up. Sky slaps him, but Daniels blocks a second one, getting hit with a Pounce by Hernandez in the process. Hernandez turns around into a seated missile dropkick by Kaz. Chavo backdrops Kaz to the floor and heads outside, where Daniels hits a springboard moonsault, missing Chavo and hitting his partner. Hernandez follows up with Supermex. Back in the ring, Kim hits Eat Defeat for the 3.

WINNERS: Bad Influence and Gail Kim.

In the back, Sting is throwing a fit, hitting a chair with a bat as he’s surrounded by his partners. He screams about not trusting anyone, and wants to know if they can trust each other. Joe says he can trust him, and Magnus takes offense to that before saying sometimes he doesn’t even trust himself. Tonight, he shows everyone just who he is.

Up next, we get another AJ Styles update. Wonderful.

This time, we see a cameraman in a car pull up to some house where AJ Styles is hanging out. He grabs the driver and slams him into the side of his truck, tells him to leave and throws him in the driver’s seat before covering the camera lens with his hand.

MATCH 4-Garett Bischoff and DOC vs. Magnus and Samoa Joe This is match #2 in the series tonight. A and E is up 1-0 right now. I miss Joe and Magnus as a team. They had surprisingly good chemistry despite just being thrown together. Joe starts the match by locking Garett in an arm wringer. Garett tries to reverse, so Joe immediately reverses the reversal. Garett tries to tag out, but Joe yanks him back to the middle of the ring. Joe beats Garett down in the corner until Garett rakes the eyes. Joe shakes it off and knocks Garett down before tagging in Magnus aggressively. Magnus gets a rake to the eyes by Garett, but also shakes it off and forearms Garett in the face. Garett rolls to the floor off an Irish whip, and Magnus follows, where DOC forearms him from behind. Back in the ring, Garett hits some double axe handles to the back. He fires off some rights, then chokes him over the top rope as the crowd chants, “You can’t wrestle”. At least I can agree with the Impact Zone on something for once. Garett grinds Magnus’ face across the top rope before tagging in DOC, who whips Garett in for an avalanche, then follows up with his own. DOC hits some body blows and a short-arm clothesline. Jumping splash to the back gets 2. DOC drops some elbows to the shoulder before applying a rear chinlock. We are informed AJ Styles will return next week. Magnus fights out with elbows, but runs into a goozle. He escapes the chokeslam, ducks a clothesline, then hits one at the same time DOC does. Joe and Garett tag in, and Joe hits an exploder suplex on Garett, and then double-teams DOC with Magnus, hitting a running senton for 2. Garett breaks up the pin before getting hit with a misdirection clothesline by Magnus. Magnus tags in, and Joe & Magnus hit the snapmare/flying elbow combo for 3.

WINNERS: Magnus and Samoa Joe, who tie the series at 1-1.

Kenny King is in the back, talking about how he is the main event and the star of the X-Division. RVD, you are legend, but King is a rising star. Bring it on, as it doesn’t matter to him. He’ll shut whoever down he has to face, and will do what he can to hold onto this belt.

We see Eric Young, ODB and James Storm talking in the back. Sting approaches and Young says he has to pick one of them for this last match. Young says he’s funny, but what A and E did to him was not funny. They tried to take what he loves, that being wrestling. Sting had a feeling about him, so put him in the match tonight so Young can show him he made the right choice. Sting says thanks, but he has to go with Storm. Well, that was pointless.

It’s Gut Check time, and the judges are in the ring. Lei’D Tapa makes her way out, and it’s decision time. JB asks if she showed her very best last week as the crowd dumps all over her. They dumped all over Prichard too, BTW. Tapa says that, last week, she came out and showed everyone what she is capable of doing. She didn’t win the match, but her character showed, and what she’s capable of in the future. Obviously, mic work isn’t on that list. Up first is Danny Davis. The crowd is saying “no”, but what they’re missing is what he’s seen. He sees a future in Tapa, and his answer is yes. Prichard is up next, and before he gets to his decision. He sends a shout-out to William Moody, who passed away a few days ago. That was a nice touch, I will say. Now, back to business, Prichard says she has a great look and a great pedigree, and being in a ring looks natural for her. Believe it or not, though, for the first time, the crowd agrees with Prichard, and the answer is no. Tapa has 30 seconds to convince Snow the answer should be yes. She says that, 2 years ago, she started in the business. Last week, she came out to show everyone what she’s capable of. She may have lost, but she knows what she can bring to the KO division. She can dominate and bring something great. Snow takes the mic and also gives a shout-out to “Uncle Paul”. He knows where Tapa comes from and can see her talent. She clearly invokes a reaction from the crowd, so his answer is yes. Lei’D Tapa is now a member of TNA.

Up next, Storm/Anderson in the final match of the series.

We see Robbie E in the back. He rambles on about “The Book of Bro”, then goes onto ramble about facing Rob Terry at Lockdown.

MATCH 5: Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm Mike Tenay reminds us Anderson is a former 2-time World Champion. I think that was more to remind us that Anderson was once considered a main eventer and is now nowhere near that level, rather than as a way to list his accolades. Lock-up to start, and Storm applies a rear chinlock. Storm shoulders him off the ropes, blocks a hip toss and hits one of his own. Anderson thumbs him in the eyes out of the corner, then hits a clothesline. Anderson beats Storm down in the corner, then sends him hard into the adjacent corner for 2. Anderson with more punches and kicks before applying an arm wringer. Storm armdrags him off, but gets dropped with a clothesline for 1. Anderson goes back to the arm wringer and turns it into an armbar. Storm punches out, and now they’re trading rights. Storm hits a forearm off the ropes, followed by an inverted atomic drop and a bulldog. Anderson backdrops him to the floor, but Storm lands on his feet, hits a kick to the back of the head, then hits a running neckbreaker. Storm blocks a clothesline and counters a swinging neckbreaker into Closing Time. We see Aces and Eights come out through the crowd and form a line near the ring. Team TNA comes out and stands between the ring and the guardrail. In the ring, Anderson hits the Mic Check and gets the 3.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson. Aces and Eights now how have the man advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Because that really means much.

Buddy Ray and Brooke Hogan are heading out to the ring, as is Jeff Hardy.

Ray and Brooke make their way out for this face-to-face confrontation first. Hardy is next, and Ray tells him it’s three days until they’re locked inside of a steel cage. Word on the street is this will be the biggest TNA PPV of all time. Three days until Hardy and Ray do what they do best, and that’s making professional wrestling history. They’ve done it before and will do it again. The fact that Hardy holds the belt is a big deal, but the fact that he’s battled back from so many personal demons is a bigger deal. Ray speaks for every fan as well as himself when he says he’s proud of Hardy. Hardy takes the mic and lists off his challengers, but he’s remained the champion. He knows Ray will beat the hell out of him on Sunday. Will it be enough? Whatever happens at Lockdown, he wants Ray to know he’s proud of him, too, for everything he’s done. Ray takes the mic back and says he’s proud of himself and their history, but he can honestly say he’s not proud of himself. Huh? He’s never looked back and said he’s proud of himself. The only way he can do that is to beat Hardy. He’s not going over the top of the cage or through the door; he’s going to beat Hardy with his best move. When he beats Hardy for the belt and declares himself new champion is when he’ll be proud of himself.

Hulk Hogan’s music hits, and he comes out on crutches. He tells the audience this is as big as it gets right now. There are a lot of guys in the back who want the spots Ray and Hardy have right now, but they are the best of the best. At the end of the day, this small company became a good little company. Now, this little company is ready for a change and will go onto greatness. Everyone in the back and in the company is looking for the next leader to take the company into the future, and we’ll find that out this Sunday at Lockdown. Hardy, you’ve been a great champion since October. Ray, he believes in you and everyone loves him like a brother. At the end of the day, may the best man win, brother.

We see Aces and Eights return to the ring. Ray pushes Brooke aside as he, Hardy and Team TNA begin brawling with A and E.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results and February 28 Recap

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Last week on Impact, Bully Ray was named the #1 contender for the World title, despite doing absolutely nothing the last few weeks to deserve a championship match. Because TNA.

We see Brooke Hogan and Buddy Ray walking into the building. AI asks for an update on Hulk Hogan, and Brooke says he’s better, and he’s resting at home. Ray basically says the exact same thing before he says that’s enough talking.

In the Impact Zone, Ray makes his way out alone. He points at Taz and calls him a coward before heading to the ring. Ray says that it’s cool to be back in the Impact Zone, but he’s also never been more pissed off in his life. Aces and Eights, for the past year, you’ve been running roughshod all over TNA. First, it was Hulk. Then it was Sting, Magnus, and just about everyone else. You ruined his wedding to Brooke. Last week should have been a huge week for TNA. We were all going to see the return of Hulk to the ring. But it didn’t happen, and that’s because of A and E. A and E, especially Devon, Ray swears to L. Ron Hubbard he is going to get his hands on you. He’s going to get his hands on you so bad (?) you’ll never want to step foot in a wrestling ring again. There is one other guy he wants to speak to, and that’s the one guy everyone here has been waiting to see for the past four weeks. He’s another guy A and E took out, and he’s the guy that he will be facing at Lockdown for the TNA World title. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Hardy.

Hardy comes out with both belt, because a champion needs two belts different belts that represent the same championship. Makes sense. Ray tells Hardy that, never in his wildest dreams, did he think he and Hardy would be standing across from one another, getting ready to wrestle for the most prestigious singles World title in pro wrestling. Everyone knows about their history. But he has to be completely honest, he doesn’t feel right about this. He doesn’t want to get a shot at the title just because he’s Hulk’s son-in-law. There are a lot of other guys who might have been better choices than him. Hulk set up all those matches. He said he’d make his decision based on who in those matches impressed him the most. It wasn’t Ray, and he’s not sure this is the way he wants to face Hardy. He’s not positive if he’s the right guy to face Hardy at Lockdown. Hardy says that, first of all, it’s great to be back in the Impact Zone. And he loves the fact that Hogan chose him. He would have done the same thing. They’ve swung a lot of chairs and climbed a lot of ladders. And they’ve broken a lot of tables. Now they take it to the cage for the World title. They’ve reinvented themselves, and now they’ll reinvent history. May the best man win.

As the two are shaking hands, Bad Influence interrupt things. Kaz tells Ray he shouldn’t feel good about this situation, and here’s why. He didn’t earn this title shot. He didn’t defeat anyone to get it. Your daddy-in-law gave him the shot, just like he gave Ray his daughter. He can’t blame Hogan for that, though. After all, somebody has to rub lotion on her back and tweet tasteless photos of her, so it may as well be Ray. Daniels tells him that the only person who deserve the Lockdown match less than Ray is Hardy. Last month, Daniels outwrestled him, and the only reason Hardy got his hand raised was because of the paint on his face, as Daniels had an allergic reaction to it, and Hardy knows it. Ray and Hardy are happy to wrestle at Lockdown because neither want a piece of real men like Bad Influence. If they’re done glad-handing, get out of the ring, because it’s time to allow the people to worship them. Ray rips the mic out of Daniels’ hand, drinks his martini or whatever it is, then spits it back in the cup. Oh, that’s nice. He tells Daniels that real men don’t drink appletinis, and the faces begin beating down the heels. Hardy and Ray end up sending both members over the top rope, which likely means we’ll get a tag team match later tonight. To confirm this, Ray grabs a mic and challenges them to a tag team match for later tonight.

We go to the announce desk, and Taz is no longer there as Todd Kenely and Mike Tenay discuss tonight’s episode. Tonight, we’ll also find out who will be on each side in Lethal Lockdown. Gut Check also returns, and two women will compete for a contract. Up next, Velvet Sky defends the Knockouts title against Tara.

We see Sting watching a monitor and looking at names on a list. Magnus is also in the room, and he says one of the names on Team TNA should be him. This company took a chance on a 22 year-old kid who was green as grass. He’s not that kid anymore. Sting has mentored him during that time, and that means the world to him. He wants to pay that back. He’s not just Team TNA; he’s Team Sting. Why him? Why the hell not?

Gail Kim is joining the announce desk for color commentary for this match.

MATCH 1-Knockouts Championship: Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Velvet Sky (Champion) Tara immediately boots Sky before shouldering her in the corner. Hairmare by Tara for 2. She goes for the pin again, getting another 2. Sky blocks a corener charge, dodges a second one and hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Spinning headscissors off the ropes, and Jesse trips Sky as she starts to go to the corner. Sky ducks a clothesline and hits a spear for 2 as Jesse pulls her to the outside. Referee Taryn Terrell ejects him from ringside after seeing that as Tara kicks Sky in the back. Tara gets in Taryn’s face, and she turns around into In Yo Face by Sky for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Velvet Sky. Tenay announces that Gail Kim now moves onto Lockdown against Sky for the title.

Austin Aries is in his locker room, on the phone with Bobby Roode. He asks where Roode is, as they have a big photo shoot. He mentions something about a 3-way tag match at Lockdown, and is interrupted by Chavo and Hernandez. Chavo tells him to be worried about his match tonight. Aries has said he can beat anyone, and Chavo challenges him to a match, but tonight, Aries is going one-on-one against Hernandez. God, Chavo sucks. It’s pretty pathetic when Hernandez has been cutting better promos than someone lately.

AI stops Kenny King asking where he goes from this point. King calls himself the X-Division, and he’s moving onto RVD next. He walks into RVD’s dressing room and wants RVD to admit King is better than him. RVD asks him how many times he has to beat him to prove he’s better. Tonight, King will get one more shot, and if he loses, he’s out of the division. King agrees to it.

Taz is back on commentary.

MATCH 2: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries vs. Hernandez Hernandez backs Aries into the corner, and Aries slips through the ropes to get Hernandez off of him. Aries forearms him in the back before Hernandez boots him down. Crisscross ends with Hernandez blocking a hip toss, then hitting one of his own. Hernandez clotheslines him to the floor. Aries blocks Supermex then goes for a slingshot sunset flip. Hernandez pulls him up by his neck and hits a Pounce off the ropes. Aries blocks a corner attack and goes for a middle rope cross-body. Hernandez catches him and sets up a powerbomb, but Aries counters and sends Hernandez to the floor, where he is hit with a suicide dive. Aries goes to the top rope and hits a double axe handle to the back. Back in the ring, Aries hits a snapmare, stomps on the face and goes up top. He mocks Chavo and goes for a frog splash, but misses. Hernandez boots him out of the corner, backflips to outside and hits a slingshot battering ram. Warrior Press by Hernandez, and now he calls for the Border Toss. Aries escapes and hits a rolling elbow. Hernandez recovers quickly and knocks Aries to the floor with another Pounce. Aries decides he’s had enough and walks up the ramp, so Hernandez throws him back into the ring. Aries has the title belt in his hands and just gives it over to Hernandez. As the ref takes it from Hernandez, Aries pulls out a chain and clocks Hernandez with it. The ref turns around in time to count the 3.

WINNER: Austin Aries.

Sting and Joseph Park are in the back. Park is eating ribs, as he now knows what a rib is. Get it? Hilarious. Park then asks Sting to be a part of Lethal Lockdown. Sting says he’ll think about it before stopping Matt Morgan, who is walking by. Sting asks Morgan to join Team TNA at Lockdown to make a name for himself. Morgan says no because anyone who is associated with Hulk Hogan is guilty by association. Guess they’re still doing that storyline after all.

MATCH 3-World X-Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam (non-title) King gets a jobber non-entrance. Normally, that would irritate me, but his entrance theme really sucks, so that’s fine. Lock-up to start, and King goes to a side headlock. King avoids a back body drop, but runs into a pair of hip throws. RVD goes to a side headlock himself before ducking a clothesline and hitting German suplex. Nearly folded himself in half on that one. As RVD is playing to the crowd, King knocks him to the floor. He misses a corkscrew plancha, and RVD nails a side kick from the apron. RVD sets King on the guardrail and goes to the apron for the spinning legdrop, which connects. Commercials.

Back from the break, RVD hits a jawbreaker, avoids a back body drop, but gets taken down. King hits a snap suplex and floats over into some mounted punches. King goes fro a pin, getting 2. RVD fights back from his knees until King cuts him off. Corner whip by King, but he runs into a boot. RVD hits a bodyscissors into a pin for 2, nails a couple of clotheslines and a thrust kick. Rolling monkey flip, but King lands on his feet before running into a spinning heel kick. RVD connects with Rolling Thunder, and he goes up top for the Five-Star Frog Splash, but decides to go with a 450 instead and misses. King goes for a pin, but only gets 2. King goes for the Royal Flush and hits it, getting 3.

WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Kenny King.

Sting is stopped in the back by Kurt Angle, and Angle wants to see the list of wrestlers for Lethal Lockdown. Angle is surprised by Sting’s choice of “him”, and Sting says he’s taking a chance, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Aces and Eights make their way out to the ring, and it’s the five unmasked members, minus Brisco. Devon asks Sting if he honestly believes he has a team that can take on A and E. You honestly think you have a team that can dominate this club? Sting, he doesn’t know what you’re thinking, but what he thinks is that you’re drinking the Kool-Aid Hogan has been dishing out all these years, not only to the idiots here, but all of them at home as well. He told you before that this is the team that will dominate TNA. This is the club that will dominate in 2013. This club right here-DOC, Knox, Anderson and Bischoff along with himself. All Sting is doing is giving a lot of empty dreams, broken necks and shattered dreams (?). Let him lay it to you like this: It’s going to be no different than BFG. The same thing that happened there will happen at Lockdown. The thing about that, Sting, is that you’re going to lead your team to the slaughter. Now you testify to that.

Speaking of Sting, he makes his way out onto the ramp. Devon wants him to testify? He will. His first teammate will get a killer response, and that’s because he is a killer, that being Samoa Joe. His next teammate is really sorry about their damn luck, and that’s James Storm. They inch closer to the ring as each guy is announced. Now, they are three. His next teammate is making his victorious return to the Impact Zone, and that’s Magnus. Now, they are four and just need one more, and their fifth is something new. He’s talking about someone who was put out by A and E. It will be showtime. Anderson keeps interrupting him, and Sting keeps saying it’s showtime. Eric Young hits the ring from behind, and now the two teams are brawling in the ring. Team TNA clears the ring.

Ivelisse Valez is introduced through a video package, as she is one of the Gut Check contestants tonight. If the name sounds familiar, she was on the last season of Tough Enough and is former NXT star Sofia Cortez. She talks about training in MMA, and sacrificing her relationship with her mother to pursue her wrestling career.

We see A and E storming out to the parking lot, and they’re upset about what just happened. We see Kurt Angle begin to follow them.

We are introduced to Lei’D Tapa, the other Gut Check contestant tonight. She is from Tonga, and is the real life niece of The Barbarian. We see her training with him, which is admittedly pretty cool. And he’s still physically a beast, BTW.

MATCH 3-Gut Check: Ivelisse Valez vs. Lei’D Tapa I’m actually excited about a Gut Check match. Shocking, I know. Tapa is a big girl, and completely towers over Valez. Valez hits a forearm before she runs into a goozle. Tapa hoists her up, and Valez counters into an armdrag. Spinning back kick connects, and Valez applies a guillotine. Tapa manages to throw her off, catches her in a fireman’s carry, but Valez escapes and applies a rear naked choke. Tapa breaks free and gets hit with some kicks before dropping Valez drops her with a boot. Tapa connects with a clothesline, and actually has to crouch down a bit to do it. Bodyslam by Tapa, followed by a headbutt. Tapa sends Valez hard into the corner, then sends her into the opposite one. Valez avoids a charge and hits a DDT. More strikes by Valez, followed by a hurricanrana off the ropes. Tapa rebounds and hits a Samoan drop for 2. Valez quickly grabs her in the guillotine as Tapa is arguing with Taryn Terrell, and Tapa eventually taps.

WINNER: Ivelisse Valez. A little rougher than I was expecting, but far from the worst Gut Check match they’ve ever done. I’m betting Valez gets a contract next week. Tapa looked alright, but her inexperience (only 2 years) definitely showed.

Austin Aries enters Jeff Hardy’s locker room and makes fun of Hardy doing squats. He says he knows he has a big match tonight and one at Lockdown, and he’s pulling for Hardy. Here’s why. Right now, Ray is the “golden child”. When Aries faced Hardy, that was Hardy’s position. Doesn’t feel very good, does it? He hopes Hardy retains the title, and just wanted to tell him that.

AJ Styles update time. We get an interview with his wife Wendy, and she talks about his life. We also get some comments from a friend of his named Jay, and the whole thing is overly dramatic in the same vein as the interviews with Bobby Roode’s family/friends back when he turned heel. We see AJ enter his house to overly dramatic music, and he’s done up to look strung out, like he’s been doing some binge drinking for the past few weeks. He gets mad when he sees the camera crew and speeds off on his motorcycle.

We get a video package for the storyline involving The Robbies. Apparently, TNA thinks enough people give a damn about this potential feud. I’d like to know who these people are and hit them.

Back to the Impact Zone, Robbie E is in the ring. He says that, sometimes in life, a bro has to admit when there’s a bigger bro, and there’s a better bro. And Robbie E has come to that realization. So, Bigger Rob…er, Rob Terry, please come to the ring, bro. Terry comes down to the ring, and E says this has gotten way out of hand, bro. Slapping him in the face last week was E crossing the line. He risked them being bros, but more importantly, he risked their friendship, bro. Them being friends the past 2 years has meant the world to him, and tonight, he’ll show Terry, bro. He’s not going to be jealous anymore, and Terry is the better bro, bro. And he’s going to let Terry prove it. For old times sake, how about one more bro-off? Terry agrees, and E goes first. He then tells Terry he’s the bro-off champion, so for once, he realizes it’s Terry who deserves the spotlight. He’s going to leave the ring so Terry can give the people what they want, bro. Terry does the stupid dancing bit now, and as you would expect, E cracks him over the head with a framed poster. E holds his fist in the air, and Terry has no-sold the shot, getting up while E has his back turned. He pulls the poster off, and E falls out of the ring.

Buddy Ray is warming up in the back with dumbbells, and Aries correctly points out he’s doing it wrong. Aries then basically gives him the same speech he gave Hardy. Ray cuts him off and says it won’t work. He compliments Aries about how good he is, then tells him to get used to wearing a tag title, because that’s as close to a championship as he’s going to get.

We see Kurt Angle still outside, and he enters what appears to be the A and E clubhouse. The cameraman doesn’t follow him in.

MATCH 4: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. Bully Ray and World Champion Jeff Hardy Daniels and Ray start the match with a lock-up. Daniels hits a kneelift and a chop to the chest. Ray rebounds with a clothesline, then hits some headbutts to the chest. Open-hand chop by Ray, and he throws Daniels back to the corner for another one. Back body drop to the incoming Kaz, and Daniels hits a forearm. Kaz tags in, and Bad Influence hits a double suplex. Ray gets back up and hits a double clothesline. Double punches, followed by a double Flip, Flop & Fly. Hardy comes in to clothesline Daniels to the floor, and Ray hits a back suplex on Kaz. Commercials.

We’re back, and Hardy is now legal for his team. He whips Kaz into the ring from the apron, and the faces hit Poetry in Motion. Daniels runs into his own partner, and they go for Poetry again. Kaz trips Hardy, and Daniels sends Ray to the floor. Apparently, Daniels is now legal somehow, and he sends Hardy into the corner before stomping him down. Kaz tags in, Daniels hits a clothesline and hip tosses Kaz onto Hardy for 2. Kaz applies a double chicken wing, and Hardy fights out before being sent back to the heel corner. Daniels tags in, and Bad Influence hits a sidewalk slam/springboard legdrop combo. Daniels goes for the pin, getting 2 as Kaz knocks Ray off the apron. Hardy blocks a corner charge and hits Botch in the Wind. Ray tags in, hits a couple clotheslines and a back body drop. Hip toss for Kaz, followed by a clothesline. Uranage for Daniels gets 2. Kaz goes to the top, and Ray press slams him off. Sidewalk slam on Daniels for 2 as Kaz breaks it up. Ray sends Kaz to the floor before tagging in Hardy. Bodyslam by Ray and Hardy goes up top for the swanton. Kaz knocks him to the apron, then hotshots Ray. Daniels hits an enziguri on Ray and an STO on Hardy for 2. Kaz with some mounted punches on Ray in the corner, but Ray shoves him off and hits a mafia kick. He hoists Daniels on his shoulders, and Hardy goes up top. Ray hits an electric chair, and Hardy connects with the swanton bomb for 3.

WINNERS: Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy. That match was a clusterf*ck.

We’re back to Kurt Angle, and he’s in the clubhouse. He beats down Mr. Anderson, then takes a pipe to Devon before brawling with The Black Scorpion. Angle grabs him by the mask and cracks him over the head with what looked like a lamp. Angle takes the mask off and begins screaming, “How could you?” as the camera is angled so we can’t see BS’ face? As Angle is looking shocked, the rest of the unmasked members attack from behind and beat him down.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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1 year ago

TNA Impact Wrestling Results and February 21 Recap

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This week’s TNA Impact Wrestling is once again in London, and tonight, we get an X-Division title match, as well as 4-way for the Knockouts Championship.

Big surprise, Hulk Hogan opens the show. He’s had some tough choices to make, and it was good to have everyone in the building involved in his choice, but things didn’t pan out they way he thought they would. When he was in the decision-making process and had the #1 contender dialed in, brothers, Aces and Eights stuck their nose in TNA business once again. But, out of everything bad comes something really good, and it gave him a week to think of a #1 contender. After one long week of thinking who the man should be to take on Jeff Hardy, he decided that man stood out above everyone else and rose to the occasion and he’s the only man for the job, so now he gives us the #1 contender…Buddy Ray.

Buddy Ray comes out, and he’s pretending to be shocked. So much for all of those matches last week, huh? Ray comes out stuttering. He is in shock right now, and reminds Hogan he’s hurt, partially tearing his quad in the tables match a couple weeks ago. Hogan calls him the toughest SOB in the company. Ray reminds us of everyone who was fighting last week, saying they deserve it more than he does. All he’s ever wanted was Hogan’s respect, and the greatest day of his life was when he married Brooke. He wants to make the Hogan family happy, and he wants to become the World Champion. But Hulk, we have bigger business right now. This is just a suggestion-tonight, in the main event, a six-man tag team match. One side, three members of A and E. On the other, Buddy Ray, Sting, and let’s see…we need one more guy. You know something, Hulk, he thinks that guy should be Hulk. Of course he does. I love watching cripples wrestle. Ray calls him dad, and Hogan agrees, brother.

We see Bobby Roode and Austin Aries complaining about Chavo and Hernandez last week. Eventually, they’re interrupted by Bad Influence. Daniels gives them a bunch of two-faced compliments before saying they have an 8-man tag match tonight, telling Aries and Roode to follow their lead tonight. Aries and Roode then argue a little bit more.

MATCH 1: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels & Kazarian), and World Tag Team Champions Austin Aries & Bobby Roode vs. Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Joseph Park and James Storm I love hearing London sh*t all over Chavo and Hernandez. Daniels and Storm start the match with a Storm uppercut. Daniels applies a side headlock and shoulders Storm down off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a back body drop by Storm. Storm clotheslines him to the floor, and Kaz attacks from behind, throwing Storm out. Hernandez comes in, and now there’s a brawl between both teams. The faces dominate, throwing the heels to the floor. Commercials.

We’re back, and Chavo and Kaz are legal. Chavo hits a spinning headscissors before tagging in Park. Park hits a forearm in the corner, but gets thumbed in the eye. Kaz ducks a clothesline, but Park blocks a cross-body. Daniels chopblocks Park, and Kaz shoves him into the heel corner. Kaz fires off some punches before tagging in Aries. Roode also comes in, and they kick Park in the corner before going for a double suplex. Park blocks it, and now the champs are arguing. Daniels tags himself in and throws Park into the corner for some strikes. Daniels stomps Park down before tagging in Kaz. They hit the slingshot elbow/legdrop combo before Kaz tags Daniels back in. Daniels applies a neck vice and uses a foot choke for 4. Punches to the head by Daniels, and Park fights back. Aries tags himself in, then Roode does the same. Kaz then tags himself in, and now the heels are arguing. Bad Influence get hit with a double clothesline, and now Park is crawling to the corner for a tag. Aries and Roode decide they’re done with the match and avoid a tag, walking away. Storm tags in for the hot tag offense. He hits a forearm on Kaz and a neckbreaker on Daniels. Backcracker on Kaz, and Closing Time on Daniels. Hernandez tags in and hits a Pounce on Daniels. Chavo hits a frog splash on Daniels and a tilt-a-whirl on Kaz. Storm hits the Last Call on Kaz before tagging in Park. He mounts the middle rope and hits a big splash. For whatever reason, Chavo makes the cover and gets the 3.

WINNERS: Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Joseph Park and James Storm.

We find out that the Ray/Hardy match at Lockdown will be a cage match. Big surprise, considering that’s the whole damn point of the PPV.

Another video for Rockstar Spud, who is still a douche.

MATCH 2: Robbie E (w/Robbie T) vs. Rockstar Spud Spud backs E to the corner, where E boots him down. Back elbow by E, followed by a stomp. Spud hits a dropkick, but runs into a boot in the corner. E mounts the middle buckle for a diving forearm, which connects. He pie-faces Spud, and Spud fights back with strikes. E drops him with a kneelift, then corner whips him. E misses an avalanche and runs into a pair of clotheslines, followed by a tilt-a-whirl DDT. Spud goes up top, but he misses a guillotine legdrop. E grabs his clipboard, but T won’t give it up. E turns around and Spud turns a bodyscissors into a victory roll for the 3.

WINNER: Rockstar Spud. After the match, E gets in T’s face and begins poking him in the chest. E slaps him after a brow-beating, so T throws the clipboard down, takes his shirt off, and backs off, heading back up the ramp. T leaves the ring and begins stalking E up the ramp.

The Knockouts title match is up next. We see Tara with Jesse heading towards the ring.

MATCH 3-4-Way Elimination Match for the Knockouts Championship: Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara (w/Jesse; Champion) Brooke Hogan is going to watch the match from ringside. Jesse has been ejected from ringside, and it looks like all four are legal at all times. Tessy with a victory roll on Kim for 2. Tara rolls up Tessy for 2, then Sky does the same on Tara. Tessy goes for the victory roll on Tara, but Tara electric chairs her, sending her to the floor. The heels pair off on Sky, beating her down. Sky fights out with strikes, but not for long. Double corner whip, and an avalanche by Tara. Kim hits a corner body attack, and Tara hits the Spider’s Web for 2. Kim breaks it up for whatever reason, and now the heels argue. Kim shoves Tara, and now they trade forearms and chops. Tara gets the best of it and hits a back body drop. Tara misses a corner attack when Kim slides to the apron. Tessy resurfaces and pulls Kim down to the floor. Kim grabs her by the hair and goes to crotch her on the ring post, but Tessy blocks it and turns it into a bulldog on the floor. In the ring, Sky fights Tara off with punches, and Tessy comes into to join her. Sky hits a clothesline on Tara, and Tessy does the same. Tara rolls to the apron, where she hotshots Sky. Tessy whips Tara back in, but gets tripped into the bottom rope. Tara hits a bodyslam near the corner and goes up for a moonsault, which connects. Sky comes back in and hits In Yo Face on Tara. Kim attacks Sky before she can make the pin, throws Sky out and gets the pin on Tara.

Tara is eliminated, and we’re guaranteed a new champion tonight. Tessy hits some clotheslines and a forearm on Kim, then hits Tessticular Cancer. Tessy goes up top, but Kim stops her and climbs up for a superplex. Sky comes in and the three do the Tower of Doom spot. Sky goes for the pin on Kim, getting 2. She goes for one on Tessy as well, getting another 2. Sky goes for In Yo Face on Kim, but Tessy goes for a roll-up. Sky rolls through and gets the pin. Miss Tessmacher is eliminated.

Kim attacks Sky from behind before corner whipping her. Sky blocks the charge, hits a couple clotheslines and a spinning headscissors. Kim comes back with a dropkick and rolls Sky up with the ropes for 2. Taryn Terrell sees the rope assist and refuses to count three. Kim argues with her before turning back to Sky, shouldering her in the corner. Sky counters a corner charge with a roll-up, but Kim holds onto the ropes. Terrell shoves her off for refusing a rope break, and Sky hits In Yo Face for 3.

WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Velvet Sky.

We’re in Hogan’s office, and he’s with Sting. He asks Sting to watch his back tonight. Hogan tells Sting he’ll be there for him when he leaves. Sting walks into his own locker room, where Buddy Ray is standing. Sting says everything is locked and loaded, and he’s happy to be tagging with both of them.

Video package for AJ Styles. Mike Tenay informs us that the cameras are being sent to Gainsville, GA to get the fans up-to-date with AJ, and that footage will air next week.

Video package for the Angle/Joe vs. Tomax/Xamot feud.

MATCH 4: Garett Bischoff vs. Samoa Joe Joe backs Garett into the corner, where Garett immediately goes for the ropes. Garett ducks a boot and a clothesline before diving to the floor. Joe follows, so Garett rolls back into the ring to hit some double axe handles. Joe fights back with chops until Garett thumbs him in the eye and chopblocks him. Garett stomps Joe down before applying a legbar. Garett strikes Joe in the corner until Joe comes back with rights. Garett kicks him in the knee and hits a clothesline. Garett breaks a choke at 4, then goes back to the knee with kicks. Joe comes back with headbutts, so Garett rakes the eyes and hits a flying shoulderblock for 1. Garett applies a rear chinlock, and Joe fights out. Garett goes to the eyes again before running into a back elbow. Clothesline by Joe, followed by another, an inverted atomic drop, a running boot and a running senton. Joe goes for the Face Wash in the corner, which connects. He calls for the Muscle Buster, setting Garett up in the corner. Joe hits a chop first, then decides to yank Garett down instead as Wes Brisco hits the ring.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Samoa Joe. He takes Wes down with a headbutt before Garett chopblocks him once more. Garett and Wes are now beating Joe down when Kurt Angle runs down to the ring. Garett and Wes bail and jump over the guardrail. Angle says he didn’t forget about them. He got Wes his contract, and he’s glad he did, because the pain he’s going to inflict is going to be 100% legal. At Lockdown, it will be Wes vs. Angle in a steel cage. It’s real. It’s damn real.

UP next, RVD defends his title against Kenny King. Again.

MATCH 5-World X-Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam (Champion) Can someone explain why King comes out to an entrance theme that’s a combination of country and techno? King attacks from behind, knocking RVD to the floor. Outside, King stomps RVD down before ramming him back-first into the ring post and hitting a bodyslam on the floor. King breaks the count, then continues the attack on RVD, choking him over the barricade. Back in the ring, King goes for the pin, getting 2. Another bodyslam by King, but he misses a springboard legdrop. RVD hits a jumping roundhouse, shoulder thrusts in the corner, and some forearms to the face. King reverses a corner whip, but RVD blocks the charge. He goes for a jumping kick, but King whips him back to the mat. King mocks RVD before going for the pin, getting 1. Jumping roundhouse by King connects for 2. King applies a rear chinlock and whips RVD down as he tries to fight out. King goes for another pin, getting 2. King hits a float-over suplex into some mounted punches for 2. RVD hits a quick kick to the head, but King rakes the eyes, staying in control. He applies a modified abdominal stretch, and RVD fights out. King forearms him in the back, then sends him into the corner. RVD counters the charge with a spinning heel kick, then hits several strikes before throwing King into the corner. He throws him into the opposite corner before hitting a high kick to the face. Clotheslines by RVD, followed by a thrust kick. Rolling monkey flip out of the corner, but King lands on his feet and hits a running knee strike. King goes for the Royal Flush, but instead throws him face-first in a sloppy-looking spot for 2. Back up, King misses a knee strike in the corner, and RVD capitalizes with a springboard thrust kick and Rolling Thunder. Up top, RVD hits the Five-Star Frog Splash for the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Rob Van Dam.

We see Brooke and Hulk Hogan walking around in the back. Hogan says he’s had enough, and he needs to do this for himself and their family tonight. Brooke tells him, “Have fun!” Yes, that’s what she really said.

We get a video for Ray/Hardy. Funny how Hardy already has comments about Ray being the new #1 contender. It’s as if this was all pre-recorded. But that couldn’t be, right? RIGHT?!

MATCH 6-Mr. Anderson, World Television Champion Devon and DOC vs. Sting, Bully Ray and Hulk Hogan God, I hope this is short. Hogan’s music hits, but he doesn’t show. His music hits again, but he no-shows once more as A and E attack Ray and Sting. Guess this will be 3-on-2 for the moment, as the bell has rang. DOC beats down Sting as the other two pair up against Ray. Ray comes back with a double clothesline on Devon and Anderson, and he’s limping around. Sting hits a Stinger Splash on DOC, and Ray drops him with a clothesline. Commercials.

We’re back, and Anderson & Ray are legal. Anderson is beating Ray down, and he tags in DOC. DOC hits some forearms to the chest over the top rope, then hits a boot to the face for 1. DOC fishhooks the mouth, then hits a knee to the face. Devon tags in, and he tees off on Ray. Ray fights back, but Devon knocks him down and connects with an elbow. Anderson comes in illegally behind the ref’s back, and Ray fights out of the corner. Anderson tackles him back and tags in DOC, who hits some rights to the face. Devon back in, who hits a snapmare and applies a rear chinlock. Ray counters with a back suplex, but Devon stops him from making a tag. Anderson tags in and drops an elbow on Ray before hitting some rights. He chokes Devon behind the ref’s back as DOC tags himself in. DOC beats Ray down in the corner, but Ray comes back with some shots. He hits some chops to the chest and some rights until DOC connects with a kneelift and tags in Devon. Devon goes to the ropes, but runs into a spear. Sting tags in, and he attacks all three heels with chops and kicks. He ducks a DOC clothesline, and DOC connects on Devon. Scorpion Death Drop on DOC, and Anderson breaks up the pin. Bodyslam on Anderson, and he tells Ray it’s time for Wassup?! We see Tomax and Xamot haul Hogan out onto the ramp, and Hogan appears to be beaten up. We also see Mike Knox and Black Scorpion bring Brooke out. Ray chases them off, leaving Sting alone. Sting goes for the Scorpion Deathlock on Anderson, but DOC nails him with a mafia kick and gets the 3.

WINNERS: Mr. Anderson, Devon and DOC. Brooke and Ray are checking on Hogan on the ramp as A and E triple-team Sting in the ring. BS, Knox, Tomax and Xamot join them in the ring, standing triumphant.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

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