Welcome to the 5-10-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. I really need to find a new way to start these things, don’t I?

Show starts off with footage from last week, as Bobby Roode laid out Mr. Anderson, RVD and Jeff Hardy with a chair. This segues into the Impact Zone, where Bobby Roode is making his way down to the ring. This coming Sunday, Roode will defend the World Championship against RVD. If TNA is smart, Roode will retain the title and continue being one of the better champions they’ve had in a long time. Of course, this is TNA, so RVD will probably win. Roode asks if there’s anything more he can do to prove to the fans he’s the best champion in the history of the company, as well as the most dominant. Last week, not only did he defeat and embarrass Mr. Anderson, but he also took Mr. Anderson out. Not only that, but he took out Jeff Hardy. And, he took out RVD as well. One man, one athlete, one champion, taking out three men all at the same time. Sometimes, he amazes himself on how great of a champion he is. Speaking of great things, he has great news for everyone. In fourteen days, Bobby Roode goes down in history, as he will become the longest-reigning World Champion in the history of TNA. Longer than AJ, Hardy, Angle, Sting, no one has held the title longer than him (again, I can see RVD winning here, unfortunately). In three days, when RVD gets in the ring with the IT Factor of professional wrestling. If RVD thinks he’ll outwrestle Roode and take the belt, he’s sadly mistaken. There is absolutely no one and nothing that will stop his World title domination.

RVD decides it’s time to earn his paycheck for the week and comes down to chase Roode off. As RVD is standing in the ring with the belt, Mr. Anderson comes down from behind and attacks Roode like a coward. The faces then double-team Roode, and this leads to Jeff Hardy coming down for a triple-team. Hardy and Anderson then start fighting each other as referees and the Elite Beat Agents (Snow, D-Lo and Kenney) come down to break things up. Hulk Hogan’s music hits, and he stops at the stage. He says he likes what he’s seeing. By the looks of things, Hardy and Anderson both want a piece of Roode, as well as each other. RVD, are you sending Hogan a message you want a piece of Roode right now? That’s the way it looks. Hogan’s got a main event tonight that will “flip-flop” this whole company. He needs to talk to RVD about it, because if RVD agrees, Hogan will set up a fatal 4-way tonight where each person has both something to gain and lose. If Hardy or Anderson win, they take RVD’s spot at the PPV. If Roode wins, he can pick whoever he wants to face of the three at Sacrifice. If RVD agrees to the match and wins, he can make the PPV match feature any stipulation he wants. Is RVD willing to make the Sacrifice, brother? RVD nods in agreement, and now the PPV match that TNA has surprisingly been promoting for the last couple of weeks will potentially become typical TNA booking in that it gets changed at the last minute. Brother. Dude. Jack. Pythons.

We see Bully Ray talking to Anonymous Interviewer in the back about Austin Aries. He makes fun of Aries for being 5’8”, and 175 lbs. “on a good day, soaking wet, with a brick in his pocket”, and he’s also been the biggest “thawn in my side in the six yeahs I been heah”. Love how Ray slips in and out of his accent. Austin Aries, last week, you made a lot of disparaging comments towards him. You want to make fun of him, talk down to him, raise your voice to him? He’s sick and tired of Aries bullying him around. He’s not going to let it happen anymore. The whole locker room is talking about Aries. He’s the real problem, and Ray isn’t going to stand for it any longer. He’s going to take care of this little problem. Watch what he’s about to do. He doesn’t push people around; he takes them down and puts them out. Stay tuned.

Later tonight, we will hear from James Storm for the very first time in a couple weeks. Also, the final confrontation between Crimson and Matt Morgan. Up next, it’s Workrate vs. Anonymous Brooke.

In the ladies’ locker room area, we see Gail Kim and Madison Rayne talking. Kim is talking about how Tessy has been lucky lately, but she can’t beat Kim when the title’s on the line. Rayne asks her what she thinks of Rayne’s shirt. “It’s fine. It’s shiny.” Everyone talks about how beautiful Tessy is and how great her body is; she’s Photoshopped. Kim doesn’t need all of that. Rayne asks her about her underwear for the evening. Kim says they’re fine before asking what’s up with Rayne. Rayne says it’s a guy, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Kim leaves to watch the next match.

MATCH 1: Velvet Sky vs. Brooke Tessmacher
I really hate the way TNA does the WCW thing where they briefly film the wrestler coming out before zooming in the big screen or company logo. Tie-up to start, with Sky backing Brooke into the corner. Sky shakes her butt off the clean break. Brooke then does the same thing, jiggling her butt. Sky goes into a side headlock, and lands a shoulder off the ropes for 1. Arm wringer by Sky into a corner whip. Sky hits a running forearm in the corner and looks for a bulldog, but Brooke shoves her off into the opposite corner. Brooke runs in and lands a monkey flip, sending Sky into the other corner. Brooke goes up for mounted punches, and Sky shoves her off for 2. Sky does her stupid kick/chop combo, but runs into a Dropsh*t, sending her into the corner. Brooke does a hip bump, followed by a stinkface. Sky climbs back up and sidesteps a charge, landing a bulldog for 2. Sky sends Brooke into the corner, then kicks her in the gut a few times. Sky with her stupid knees to the face, followed by a snapmare and seated dropkick for 2. She goes to pick Brooke up, and Brooke snags her in a small package for 2. Sky sets up for In Yo Face, but Brooke backs her into the corner, breaking the hold. Brooke drop-toe holds her into the corner, then botches her finisher, which I am calling the Brooke Shield until she gives it a name. Brooke goes for the pin and gets the 3.

WINNER: Anonymous Brooke. Gail Kim runs into the ring and attacks from behind after the match. Kim nails Eat Defeat on Brooke before talking some trash.

Still to come, we apparently get footage of James Storm feeding horses and playing in dirt.

Up next, a match rivaling Ed “Strangler” Lewis vs. Lou Thesz as Crimson takes on Matt Morgan.

Anonymous Interviewer stops AJ Styles when he enters the building to ask obvious questions about Kazarian and Christopher Daniels. Styles says he has Kurt Angle in three days, and that’s who he’s focused on, and nothing else. As far as this secret goes, no comment.

Jeff Hardy is talking to AI #2. The Selfish Generation is coming to end, and thanks to the main event tonight, he gets a chance to be the one to end it.

MATCH 2: Crimson vs. Matt Morgan
As Morgan makes his way out, he is attacked by Bully Ray from behind. Ray takes his chain out before kicking Morgan in the stomach. Ray then screams at Christy Hemme and SoCal Val before grabbing a chair. Morgan pulls himself up on the ring post, and Ray smacks the ring post, completely missing Morgan in every way possible. Morgan still sells it like he got hurt, though. He then turns to the camera and tells Austin Aries that will be him. Morgan has smeared some corn syrup on his head to make it look like he’s busted open. Either that, or he did a very, very obvious blade job, because Ray wasn’t even close to making contact. The Elite Beat Agents make their way out to try and stop this, but Ray yells at them.

WINNER: No contest. Morgan is pretending to twitch as the medics check on him. They’re missing their white masks and matching tights, though, which makes it totally obvious they’re fakes.

Back from the break, we see that Morgan was loaded on a stretcher when the cameras were off. Ray still hung around on the map, watching as Morgan was being wheeled away, still pretending to shake.

Crimson is still in the ring, saying what just happened was unfortunate. What else is unfortunate is that week after week, Morgan would continue to yell that he was going to be the man to end Crimson’s undefeated streak. Delusion is a scary thing, and he knows it (he should, since he thinks he’s a star). He’s feeling very gracious and benevolent tonight. How about the referee give Morgan another chance to come down here and fight tonight. Give him a count of ten, and let him try to answer the count. The referee rings the bell, so I guess this is officially a match now.

MATCH 2, Part 2: Crimson vs. Matt Morgan
The referee counts down to 10, so Crimson wins by count-out.

WINNER: Crimson. By far, his best performance ever. Crimson says what happened was sad, but also predictable. He calls Morgan an underachiever and that his career is a disappointment. Can’t say I disagree with that part.

We get a video package for RVD, talking about how rough he had things and blah, blah, blah. I really don’t care.

Up next, Austin Aries actually gets to defend the World X-Division title. Huzzah! Another Festivus miracle!

Make sure you vote for James Storm’s “music video” on some country music site! Or don’t, as it doesn’t matter.

MATCH 3-World X-Division Championship: Zema Ion vs. Champion Austin Aries
I was wondering if Ion still worked here. Let’s see if he can end another career with a botched moonsault tonight. Tie-up to start, with Aries backing Ion into the corner. Ion uses some hairspray on his head. Criss-cross sequence ends with Aries breaking a headscissors and landing a dropkick, sending Ion to the floor. Aries goes up top for a dive, but Ion moves out of the way, sending Aries into the guardrail. Ion botches a running somersault plancha to the floor. Back in the ring, Ion lands some kind of stupid kick for 2, followed by some stomps for another 2. Aries fights back from his knees. Ion responds with a thumb to the eyes and lands his back suplex into a facebreaker for 2. Bodyslam by Ion, and he goes for a running middle rope moonsault, which Aries blocks with his knees. Aries with some forearm shots and elbows to the top of the head. Aries sends Ion into the turnbuckles chest-first and lands a rolling elbow. Aries clotheslines Ion offer the top to the floor, then follows up with a suicide dive. Ion gets back in the ring, where he receives a hotshot and a very theatrical splash by Aries for 2. Aries goes up to the top, where Ion blocks him. Ion goes up for the hurricanrana, but Aries holds on, sending Ion back to the mat. Aries lands a missile dropkick, sending Ion to the opposite corner. Aries lands a running dropkick in the corner and follows up with a vicious brainbuster for the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Austin Aries. Aries has easily one of the top three best brainbusters I’ve ever seen.

We see Kazarian and Christopher Daniels in the back. Daniels says Styles isn’t their friend. As far as their jobs go, they are on solid ground, so it’s time to go out there and show the world what they’ve got.

Back from the break, we see the footage of what opened the show, which, for those of you keeping score, happened less than an hour. Guess TNA thinks their fans all have ADD.

We get another interview with RVD. Typical “I know I can beat these guys…I do things my way” crap that he’s been doing for years. He then makes a veiled remark about winning Money in the Bank a few years ago.

Video package for the Kazarian/Daniels/Styles feud. I love Daniels and Styles, but this feud is so stupid and obnoxious. It doesn’t help that Kaz is factored in, who is worthless. Back in the ring, Daniels and Kaz are there, and Daniels has a microphone. He calls the crowd “sad clowns”. Last week, he gave Styles an ultimatum, to come out here and reveal his secret, or Daniels would do it for him. He hasn’t heard from Styles in the last seven days, but he’s going to give Styles one more chance. AJ, come out here and set the record straight. Styles doesn’t show up after a few seconds, so Daniels says he hates to do this, but as the new face of the company, he thinks the fans deserve to know the truth about their boy. Styles’ music finally hits and he makes his way to the ring. Styles stops at ringside. He tells the heels he doesn’t know what they think they have over him, but it needs to stop now. Why? Because these two are about to make the biggest mistake of their lives. Kaz says Styles made the mistake. He was trying to protect Styles, but then he looked at all of Styles’ accomplishments compared to theirs, and then began to ask himself why he’s protecting Styles. Styles made a mistake, and this is the proof. Kaz opens an envelope and shows a picture to Styles. It’s a photo of Styles and Dixie Carter standing together, talking. Styles doesn’t get what the big deal is. Daniels says he has more pictures. The next picture is Daniels holding Carter’s face in his hands. Daniels says this looks more touchy-feely. What could they be talking about that Styles would put his hands on the president of the company? Styles is speechless. Daniels then reveals another picture, and it’s Styles kissing her on the neck, hugging her close to him. Daniels says that, since day one, Styles has been the poster boy of this company. When he looks at these photos, well, as the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Daniels leaves the ring, followed by Kaz, who drops the photos at Styles’ feet.

After the commercial, you get to see what you just saw one more time.

MATCH 4-World Television Championship: Robbie E (w/Robbie T) vs. Champion Devon
Why do I feel like this match has happened repeatedly over the last few weeks or so? What’s that? Oh. My sources are telling me it feels that way because it’s true. Devon charges the ring and begins attacking both guys. T gets clotheslined out of the ring as the match officially starts. Devon pounds E in the corner. Thesz Press off the ropes, followed by some punches and a jumping headbutt. T trips Devon off the ropes and drags him to the floor. Devon slams his head into the steps. E tries to attack from behind, but Devon sees him coming and clotheslines him (Tenay: “Knockout punch!”). Back in the ring, Devon hits the standing spinebuster and gets the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon. After the match, Robbie T runs in and slams Devon into the turnbuckle. He then follows up with an over-the-shoulder powerslam that has Davey Boy Smith spinning over in his grave. Robbie E then holds up the belt over his head.

Check out the full Camel Clutch Blog Pro Wrestling and MMA store for videos, t-shirts, books, and more.

Footage from last month when we saw James Storm the last time. This leads into a video package for James Storm, saying he needs to take time for himself right now. He’s on his ranch, showing us how he does his chores. It’s pretty much what you’d expect, as Storm is playing up the angle, droning on about self-doubt and that kind of thing.

Mike Tenay hypes tonight’s 4-way match, completely ignoring that Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy are in it, only talking about what will happen if RVD or Roode wins, which pretty much gives away that either Roode or RVD are winning this one. Genius work there, “Professor”.

Joseph Abyss is in the back, asking a stagehand which direction the ring is, as apparently he’s headed that way.

Devon is in the back, yelling at Anonymous Interviewer. It’s never been a fair fight since he won the title, as those two jacka**es (E.T.) are always in his face. If they want a fight, they got one. At Sacrifice, he wants both of them, and the outcome will still be the same. He’ll spinebuster both their a**es. Oh, his brother! Testify.

Video package for this whole stupid Abyss angle. The whole thing with Styles is stupid, but this thing with Abyss is approximately 812 times worse. Joseph Abyss makes his way out, pretending to be really excited by all of this. Love how they’ve added he’s a “renowned lawyer” in Chicago. Abyss is trying to talk to the crowd, but forgets to grab a microphone. The morons in the crowd chant “Where’s Abyss?” Abyss finally gets his microphone. Over the last few months, he’s watched a ton of his own matches in this building, and he tore this place down to the ground. Fun, wasn’t it? Abyss would like to thank Hogan for allowing him to come out here. We’ll have to bear with him, as he’s not used to speaking to large crowds. Everyone knows why he’s here-he’s looking for himself. You know, Abyss? Over his investigation, every clue he received, every lead he followed, every interview he did, there was one common thread: Bully Ray. He told Ray last week he wasn’t going away until he gets answer about where is himself. On his way in tonight, he saw a sign for Sacrifice this Sunday. He might just buy a ticket to that thing and sit with the fans to watch it.

Bully Ray’s music hits, and he comes out, already screaming into a microphone. Ray says he’s tired of hearing this crap. This is a load of crap. There’s something not right with Abyss and himself. Something’s not right. Does this look like a courtroom to you? Does this look like a cauwtroom to you? No, it’s not a courtroom, stupid! It’s a wrestling ring, and you have no business being in a wrestling ring or wrestling arena? Did Abyss see what he did to Matt Morgan? How would he feel if Ray did that to him? Aybss says Ray is right; he’s everything he says he is. It got Abyss thinking, though, back to the night when he disappeared. That night, Abyss had a match with Ray, and beat him. Table that for a second. Two weeks ago, Ray’s former partner of 20 years who Ray claims to have carried (Devon, for those of you keeping score), called Ray down to the ring, and then beat him. Abyss says to table that as well. God, Abyss is a horrible actor. Let’s go back to last week when Ray was invited down to the ring by Austin Aries, a man with incredible talent but half Ray’s size. Aries beat Ray down then. How is that bullying thing working out for Ray? In response to this, Ray knocks Abyss down to the mat before saying, “That’s how it’s working out for me.” Abyss then begins to laugh as Ray leaves the ring.

Mr. Anderson is in the back, talking obnoxiously about his match tonight. He’s scheduled to face Jeff Hardy at Sacrifice, but if he wins tonight, Hardy steps aside, and “I’m taking my title back, BUDDY! *whispers* My title. My title.”

King Mo has signed with TNA. So, he finally usurped Mabel and is now getting his time in the spotlight.

We get Slammiversary moment #9, which is footage of Hogan’s debut with the company. Only problem? This didn’t happen at Slammiversary, and in fact happened on an episode of Impact.

Kurt Angle is talking to Anonymous Interviewer about AJ Styles. Angle calls Styles a good guy, and he needs to focus on the task at hand, which is getting crippled by Angle at Sacrifice. When his bones are mending, he can focus on these allegations.

Mike Tenay and Taz runs down the card for Sacrifice, which has apparently added Samoa Joe and Magnus defending the tag belts against Kazarian and Christopher Daniels, as well as Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries. You know, I expected these matches to happen, but TNA could have possibly announced them a little earlier in order to get people to start talking about them and get interested in them.

Another RVD video. I’m beginning to hate him.

MATCH 4-Fatal 4-Way Match to Potentially and Needlessly Change the Sacrifice Card: Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy vs. World Champion Bobby Roode (non-title)
Thankfully, Anderbotch skips his stupid self-introduction. Match starts with the three faces taking turns attacking Roode in the corner. Anderson shoves the other two off and begins choking Roode with his foot. RVD shoves him off and lays in some punches on Roode. Hardy and Anderson are trading blows now. Roode fights back on Hardy and Anderson. He sends both Anderson and RVD to the floor before throwing Hardy into the corner. Roode with some punches and a corner whip. Hardy gets his elbow up and goes for Whisper in the Wind, but Roode sidesteps it, sending Hardy’s stupid ass crashing to the mat. Roode goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Commercials.

Back from the break, Roode drops Hardy with a suplex. Hardy moves out of the way from a jumping knee drop, hits an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop and seated dropkick for 2. RVD tries to get back in the ring, but Hardy kicks him down. Hardy goes for a dive off the apron, but RVD moves, sending Hardy into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Anderson tries for a pin on Roode, but only gets 2. Roode whips Anderson in the corner, but Anderson fires back with a clothesline. Roode tries for the Payoff off the ropes, but Anderson reverses into a swinging neckbreaker for 2. RVD breaks the pin up, and Anderson hits him with a knee lift. RVD gets a high kick out of the corner and lands the split-legged moonsault for 2. Anderson reverses a corner whip. RVD elbows off the charge and hits a thrust kick off the middle rope. He goes for the Rolling Thunder, but he’s intercepted by Roode, who lands a spinebuster for 2. Roode stomps away on RVD. RVD comes back with a botched superkick, sending Roode to the corner. RVD lands a roundhouse in the corner before trying a monkey flip on Hardy, who blocks it and botches Whisper in the Wind for 2. RVD hits the step-over roundhouse and Rolling Thunder. Roode quickly comes in and throws RVD out. Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, who counters it into a sit-out Twist of Fate. Anderson comes in and drops Roode with the Mic Check before tackling Hardy through the ropes to the floor. RVD climbs up top, hits the Five-Star Frog Splash and gets the 3.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam. Gee, who didn’t see that coming, especially since he already announced the stipulation he wants for the match on Sunday (a ladder match, BTW) earlier in the show. RVD goes under the ring and pulls out the ladder that just happens to be there. He then climbs up and taunts Roode from the top. Meanwhile, Anderson and Hardy are yelling at each other. We see fireworks go off, and Abyss makes his way out. Only this time, he’s actually dressed like Abyss and not Joe. Abyss sends a message to himself, Joseph. Joseph is getting to close to the fire. Back off before you get burned. Abyss’ music is more generic than ever.

End of show.

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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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Despite always being given away on free TV, there was a time when Clash of the Champions was considered one of the biggest wrestling events in the world, on par with big shows like Wrestlemania. The shows featured a little bit of everything, from title matches, to great undercard bouts, to main events that were pay-per-view quality.

In existence for thirteen years, the show was seen twice a year or more, clocking in at thirty-five total installments. Currently, it has more installments than any other major wrestling show in U.S. history, a record WrestleMania won’t break for another eight years. The first show went head-to-head with WrestleMania IV in 1988, and was a huge success, main evented by Ric Flair defending the NWA World title against Sting in a classic 45-minute draw, considered by many one of the greatest matches of all time.

From there, the show continued to put on major events several times a year, often featuring World title matches, or at the very least a main event starring the World Champion. Even as it got on in years and WCW’s quality began to dwindle at the end of the company’s existence, you could still count on Clash to be a fun, big time show that would cost you absolutely zero to watch. Even the worst editions of the event still featured one or two excellent matches, matches you could easily see yourself paying for.

This DVD set claims to be the “Best of” and it’s hard to argue with the claim. While some of your favorites may not have made the cut, it’s overall a very good collection of 24 matches spanning the show’s history. Hosting the set is WWE Hall of Famer “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, which adds a nice touch to the set. However, for some reason, his appearances on the set are very, very limited. Despite the number of matches, Dusty only appears on the set seven times, and the appearances are very short at that. It would have been nice to maybe have him introduce each match, as the WWE has done in previous sets, as Dusty is still very entertaining to listen to, and about as good of a WCW expert as you could hope for.

Nevertheless, the collection has some really great moments on it. We get the aforementioned Sting/Flair classic from the first show, and also from that show, a great tag team match pitting the NWA World Tag Team Champions, Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard, against Lex Luger and Barry Windham. It’s matches like this that make you realize how good Luger really could be in the early years of his career.

Luger gets a second chance to shine later in the set, as he defends the NWA United States Championship against Ric Flair in another great one. The ending, which saw Stan Hansen interfere and cause a DQ win for Luger, takes the match down a little bit, but it’s still very good overall, and Luger more than held his own against “The Nature Boy”. There’s also some rare gems like Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff in a Russian Chain Match, and an NWA U.S. Tag Team Title Match between the legendary teams of The Midnight Express (the Lane/Eaton version) and The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express.

A Clash set wouldn’t be complete without some great heavyweight championship matches, and this set delivers. We get Sting/Flair from 1988, an awesome “I Quit” Match between Flair and Terry Funk in 1989, and a title unification bout from 1994 as Flair and Sting went at it once more. Aside from those, there are numerous undercard title matches, including a pair of great Cruiserweight title matches and a surprisingly good TV title match between Dustin Rhodes and Lord Steven Regal. You also get one of Ricky Steamboat’s last matches as he took on WCW United States Champion “Stunning” Steve Austin in an excellent title bout that ended the outstanding series those two had.

Of course, even great sets like this are going to feature some duds, and this one’s got a few. For starters, we get a match between Cactus Jack Manson (Mick Foley) and Mil Mascaras that is beyond suck. Foley has stated in the past that Mascaras was very unprofessional to work with and that he absolutely hated this match, and it shows. It lasts a little over five minutes, and I am not kidding when I say that Manson got absolutely zero offense in.

The only highlight (if you can call it that) was seeing Foley take a horrendous back bump on the concrete outside of the ring, resulting in just a cringe-worthy “thud”. There’s also a really boring 15-man “Georgia Brawl” battle royal featuring mostly mid-carders no one cared about, and a quick and pointless six-man between the Fabulous Freebirds (Jimmy Garvin, Michael Hayes and Brad Armstrong as horrible gimmick #1,372, “Badstreet”) vs. Tom “Z-Man” Zenk and the Young Pistols (Steve Armstrong and Tracy Smothers).

Capping off the major duds is a match between DDP and Eddy Guerrero. While the match itself is pretty decent, the idea behind the match was completely ridiculous. These two were fighting over DDP’s “Battle Bowl” ring. Yes, a ring. The ring was originally supposed to represent the top contender to the belt, but it became worthless in short order as A) it was a standard ring, so you could barely even see it, and B) DDP, as “Champion”, often defended it against scrubs like Marcus Bagwell and Jim Powers.

Still, the good far outweighs the bad here, and is a great representation of how awesome Clash of the Champions could be. I would have liked to have seen maybe at least a match from each installment of the show, but that might have made the set too long. Oh, well. This is still a great set overall. While some improvements could be made, they don’t take away from the overall quality, which is pretty excellent.

Watching this set, I can give it a pretty high recommendation, especially to old school fans and DVD collectors. The amount of legends featured on this set is incredible, and shows you why they were some of the best of all time. Newer fans may not get into as much if they don’t recognize a lot of the names and faces, but I still encourage them to check out some of the all-time greats that helped pave the way for a lot of today’s current wrestlers. Definitely a thumb’s up on this one.

DISC 1

The Real Story

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Sting
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger & Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988

Why Wait a Whole Year?

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Dusty Rhodes
Clash of the Champions II – 8th June, 1988

Russian Chain Match
Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff
Clash of the Champions III – 7th September, 1988

“I Quit” Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Clash of the Champions IX – 15th November, 1989

Mil Mascaras vs. Cactus Jack Manson
Clash of the Champions X – 6th February, 1990

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Midnight Express vs. Rock & Roll Express
Clash of the Champions XI – 13th June, 1990

DISC 2

To Be The Man, You Gotta Beat The Man

NWA United States Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XII – 5th September, 1990

The Young Pistols & Z-Man vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Clash of the Champions XV – 12th June, 1991

15-Man Battle Royal
Clash of the Champions XVI – 5th September, 1991

WCW United States Championship Match
Sting vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude
Clash of the Champions XVII – 19th November, 1991

Other Stars On The Rise

2 out of 3 Falls Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & Arn Anderson vs. The Hollywood Blonds
Clash of the Champions XXIII – 17th June, 1993

Brian Pillman vs. “Stunning” Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XXV – 10th November, 1993

WCW Television Title Match
Lord Steven Regal vs. Dustin Rhodes
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994

Elimination Tag Team Match
Sting & `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude & Vader
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994

DISC 3

Here we are Again

Championship Unification Match
Sting vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair
Clash of the Champions XXVII – 23rd June, 1994

WCW United States Championship Match
“Stunning” Steve Austin vs. Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat
Clash of the Champions XXVIII – 24th August, 1994

Hulk Hogan & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & The Giant
Clash of the Champions XXXII – 23rd January, 1996

Medusa vs. Bull Nakano
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

Match for the BattleBowl Ring
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

I’m gonna watch this

WCW World Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers vs. Sting & Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Ultimo Dragon vs. Dean Malenko
Clash of the Champions XXXIV – 21st January, 1997

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997

Diamond Dallas Page & Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997

35th and Final Clash

BLU-RAY EXTRAS

`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988

Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992

Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993
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Listing March 5, 2012
By A. Pierre
Format:Blu-ray
The Real Story

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Sting
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger & Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988

Why Wait a Whole Year?

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Dusty Rhodes
Clash of the Champions II – 8th June, 1988

Russian Chain Match
Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff
Clash of the Champions III – 7th September, 1988

“I Quit” Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Clash of the Champions IX – 15th November, 1989

Mil Mascaras vs. Cactus Jack Manson
Clash of the Champions X – 6th February, 1990

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Midnight Express vs. Rock & Roll Express
Clash of the Champions XI – 13th June, 1990

To Be The Man, You Gotta Beat The Man

NWA United States Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XII – 5th September, 1990

The Young Pistols & Z-Man vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Clash of the Champions XV – 12th June, 1991

15-Man Battle Royal
Clash of the Champions XVI – 5th September, 1991

WCW United States Championship Match
Sting vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude
Clash of the Champions XVII – 19th November, 1991

Other Stars On The Rise

2 out of 3 Falls Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & Arn Anderson vs. The Hollywood Blonds
Clash of the Champions XXIII – 17th June, 1993

Brian Pillman vs. “Stunning” Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XXV – 10th November, 1993

WCW Television Title Match
Lord Steven Regal vs. Dustin Rhodes
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994

Elimination Tag Team Match
Sting & `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude & Vader
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994

Here we are Again

Championship Unification Match
Sting vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair
Clash of the Champions XXVII – 23rd June, 1994

WCW United States Championship Match
“Stunning” Steve Austin vs. Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat
Clash of the Champions XXVIII – 24th August, 1994

Hulk Hogan & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & The Giant
Clash of the Champions XXXII – 23rd January, 1996

Madusa vs. Bull Nakano
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

Match for the BattleBowl Ring
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

I’m gonna watch this

WCW World Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers vs. Sting & Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Ultimo Dragon vs. Dean Malenko
Clash of the Champions XXXIV – 21st January, 1997

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997

Diamond Dallas Page & Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997

35th and Final Clash

Blu-ray Exclusive Content

‘Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988

Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992

Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993

BLU-RAY EXTRAS

`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988

Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992

Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

-Dustin

WWE: The Best of WCW Clash of the Champions (DVD)

WWE: The Best of WCW Clash of the Champions [Blu-ray]

WWE: Starrcade – The Essential Collection

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Wednesday, November 25th, 1992 – Richfield Coliseum – Richfield, Ohio – Welcome to the sixth annual WWE Survivor Series, produced by Vincent Kennedy McMahon and the World Wrestling Federation! Sadly enough, this Survivor Series started a tradition of getting away from the tradition Survivor Series elimination tag matches, which made this every pay-per-view famous! To top it off, we’re back to the home of the first Survivor Series, Richfield Coliseum at Richfield, Ohio!

We open the event with a Thanksgiving sermon by Reverend Slick. There was a lot of hand slapping on the podium, him telling us to walk in the light, and he told us that he’s walking in the light. He’s thankful to be able to spread good positive attitude across the country and he prayed that no one gets seriously injured at the card. I don’t know who’s harder to understand, Reverend Slick or the “Welcome everyone” voice of Mr. McMahon.

Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan are our color commentators for this year’s Survivor Series and go over the nights matches. The biggest one I’m looking forward to is the “Champion versus Champion” match when the WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels takes on the WWF Champion Bret “Hit Man” Hart for the WWF title.

High Energy versus the Headshrinkers

The High Energy team of Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware came out to the theme song Owen would be known for coming out to in his singles run and the Headshrinkers don’t even get an entrance on the pay-per-view (the show opens with them already in the ring). Poor Headshrinkers, they booked you as jobbers for this year’s event.

Koko hit the sunset flip into a pin cover onto Fatu and didn’t hook the arms and got a two-count. Hennan mentioned that Koko wasn’t thinking to hook the arms. That made me laugh, partly because no matter what, we’re always thinking, partly because among the people that know me well know me for encouraging people to think things through before doing it. I must have been encouraged by “the Brain” to encourage others. Thanks Bobby.

Headshrinkers won by the off-the-top splash. Good because I hate their theme song, yet very good openings match.

Winners: the Headshrinkers

Sean Mooney is backstage with our favorite ex-convict, Nailz. Mooney warns us before welcoming Nailz, he tells us that this up-coming match will be scary in respect to whoever captures the nightstick; he’s able to do whatever he wants to his opponent. Nailz tells us that Bossman doesn’t have six other co-workers to help him out and cannot handcuff him to a metal pole to beat him. Then he tells the Bossman that he’ll break his legs and stuff the nightstick down his throat.

Then we go to “Mean” Gene Okerlund with the Big Bossman and the Bossman tells us that we all know that Nailz actually did the crime, even though he claims differently. During this promo, Nailz makes his way down to the ring. Poor Nailz didn’t get a theme song. While writing that, Bossman told us that he’ll make sure Nailz will serve hard times. Bossman didn’t let his theme song play, he quickly ran (for him) to the ring to make Nailz pay for his crime.

Nightstick on a Pole match: Nailz versus the Big Bossman

When Bossman was running down to the ring, Nailz started to climb up to get the nightstick. He didn’t get it, which I’m not sure if it would have been legal because the match didn’t officially start.

Heenan and McMahon tell us that this match is no holds barred, no disqualification match. My thoughts are: why not let your opponent get the nightstick, hit a low blow, grab it from the mat, and use it on him? It only makes sense, right?

Bossman’s the one who captured the nightstick and hit him in the face a couple of times. Nailz got a jab into Bossman and dropped the stick and got nailed in the face right back. In turn, Bossman was able to hit a couple jabs to the chest, shove him into the ropes and slap on the Bossman slam and got the pinfall victory.

Winner: Big Bossman

“Mean” Gene is backstage with Ric Flair and Razor Ramon and mentions that less than two weeks before, Macho Man Randy Savage pulled the rug out from under them and selected Mr. Perfect to be his tag partner because something happened to the Ultimate Warrior. At that time, Mr. Perfect was with Heenan and managing Ric Flair and Heenan and Flair were upset because of that. Ric Flair said that Perfect was walking his shadow because he allowed it. Perfect was crazy to walk away from the lifestyle of the Nature Boy. Razor Ramon said that no one’s perfect and the one who is the real macho one in the WWF is him, not Randy Savage.

“The Model” Rick Martel versus Tatanka

I feel bad for Martel because he was already in the ring during the promo (at least his theme was playing, so I’m assuming his theme maybe played during the interview.

I guess up to this point, Tatanka was undefeated. I remember that the WWF was trying to put him over and having him be undefeated for over a year. An unsuccessful Bill Goldberg. I guess Eric Bischoff took his notes on this one.

I guess Sgt. Slaughter is a nemesis of one of these men. McMahon mentioned it. They didn’t say who he’s fighting against but Heenan put him down, so I’m assuming he was feuding with Martel around this time too. I think those two men would put on an interest and good match if given enough time.

The Evil Doink came out and got some camera time during the match. He made a balloon animal. A great way to kill the match and take the fans away from the match.

Martel wore Tatanka down with a front face lock and Hennan was putting that hold over, saying it was a great way to take your opponent down and ware him out.

Tatanka won when he hit is Samoan drop on Martel.

Winner: Tatanka

Sean Mooney was backstage with Randy Savage and Mr. Perfect. Perfect said that it’s a fact that he wasn’t walking in Flair’s shadow, which Flair wanted to be just like Mr. Perfect. Perfect said he can defeat either man easily. Savage said that he knows most about survivor, which fits perfectly at the Survivor Series. Savage said he doesn’t like Perfect and doesn’t trust him but he needed the perfect tag team partner and who else is better than Mr. Perfect?

Ric Flair and Razor Ramon versus Randy Savage and Mr. Perfect

Bobby Heenan was excited beyond belief when Flair and Ramon came out to the ring. What do you expect when Heenan was backing both men at that time?

It strikes me as odd that Ramon and Flair were good enough to come out together yet Savage and Perfect couldn’t.

Heenan was gold when Perfect came out, saying that he’s a jerk for back-stabbing Flair and himself. Bobby was yelling, to help put over his point that Perfect is a “poor excuse of a human being.” Heenan wanted Razor to cut him up and Flair break his legs with the Figure Four Leg Lock. McMahon told him to settle down. Yes please, Bobby, I don’t want to hear you scream for the whole match. You’re awesome and such, but please calm down.

Razor Ramon and Mr. Perfect start out the match and Heenan tells us that Perfect has a huge ego, which is why he wants to start the match out. They go toe-to-toe; Ramon wins with the strength and power and Perfect wins with the speed and technical skill.

The match goes back and forth on it being fast paced and slow, which I find to be perfect, being able to toy with the fans and let the crowd get into the match easier. Able to get them excited a little, kill it, build it up more, kill it, and keep repeated until the finish.

When Savage was in the half crab from Ramon, Perfect started to walk out on the Macho Man. He stopped half way, looked back, gave it some thought on if he should continue to walk out or go back and kept his word. Like a normal Minnesotan, he turned back around and kept his word to the Macho one.

Savage and Flair are beat and both Perfect and Ramon were oozing with energy to get tagged in. Perfect got the upper hand on Ramon and took him to school and gave him a “perfect” beating. The highlight had to be giving both Ramon and Flair a “perfect” knee lift.

On the outside of the ring and behind the ref’s back, Flair nailed Savage with the steel chair and knocked him out. McMahon was livid about it and Heenan was happy about it. With this, Perfect accidentally nailed the ref out cold. Perfect countered the Razor’s Edge and hit the Perfect Plex and hooked the leg for several seconds before the new ref came in. Flair came in and broke the count. Flair would be hit with the Perfect Plex and the original ref tried to count the pin but Razor broke the count.

Because of this, the refs threw the match out and gave the faces the match for a disqualification.

Winners: Mr. Perfect and Randy Savage

Flair hit the Figure Four on Perfect when Razor brought the chair in. Savage took out Razor and Perfect grabbed the chair and hit Flair, to let go of the Figure Four. The faces cleared the ring and Howard Finkel announced the decision and the crowd went wild. My thoughts are: if this match was as huge was they built it up to be, why end it in a disqualification?

“Mean” Gene is backstage with Flair and Ramon and Flair was his normal self and was yelling because they lost. Flair said that Perfect stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. Razor said he was double crossed once before and said if we could find that guy who double crossed him, ask him what happened, if we can find him. Flair yelled again, telling them to pay the price of what they did to them.

Yokozuna versus Virgil

One of the greatest agile big men in the world of professional wrestling has to be the WWE Hall of Famer Yokozuna. I’m sad that that man is no longer with us but has to be one of the best wrestlers during this time in the WWF.

McMahon tells us that Yokozuna hasn’t been tested yet in the World Wrestling Federation up to this point and will be in his match against Virgil. I’m sure not, Vince. Nothing against Virgil but in two pay-per-views, that man will become the winner of the Royal Rumble and defeated Bret Hart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.

With a couple of leg drops, the fans felt the pain for Virgil when Yoko nailed him. Even McMahon and Heenan were putting over the massive leg drops that were dropped by Yokozuna.

Yoko nailed Virgil with the Banzai Drop.

Winner: Yokozuna

Sean Mooney’s backstage with Savage and Perfect, giving them congrats for their win against Flair and Ramon. Perfect questioned on why Flair and Ramon are upset. Perfect gave them a turkey each, telling them not to be mad for their loss. Savage told Perfect that he was the best and their team is perfect.

The Beverly Brothers and Money Inc. (WWF Tag Team Champions) versus the Natural Disasters and the Nasty Boys

Is it sad that each time I hear the Million Dollar Man’s theme song, I always think it’s my phone going off? I had his theme song as a ringtone on my phone for my co-workers and supervisors when I worked for Coca-Cola. I find it funny when the first few beats, I think it’s my phone going off.

The coolest mullets in professional wrestling have to belong to the Nasty Boys. The Nasty Boys are just plain nasty.

One sad thing is this was the only vintage Survivor Series elimination match on the card. I’m happy to get at least one on this card. I guess in the last few years we fans can’t complain if we get a couple Survivor Series elimination matches because this year’s card we got one.

It’s weird to see the Million Dollar Man in white tights over black tights. I feel like it’s a nice change to see him in something other than his black tights, I feel like his matches stand out when wrestlers change up their wrestling attire like that.

The Beverly Brothers got eliminated when Earthquake nailed Beau Beverly with the Earthquake Splash. Sorry Money Inc. Without explanation that this Survivor Series match is competed in the tag team Survivor Series rules. Bad job WWF on explaining that this year.

Typhoon and the Natural Disasters were eliminated after a trip up and IRS and Money Inc were eliminated after a quick run in and a school boy.

Sole Survivors: the Nasty Boys

We see Tatanka, Perfect, and Savage are seen talking on the hotline.

We see a video package seeing the Undertaker making Kamala’s coffin for their coffin match. Paul’s voice is ridiculous and Taker said that Kamala won’t survive the Survivor Series.

The Coffin Match: Kamala versus the Undertaker

The fans were excited to see the Dead Man and his manager! Oh yes!

Kamala was “deathly” scared of the coffin. What good way to help put over the Undertaker and “his match.” I guess if someone told me that they’re gonna beat me up and put me in a coffin and I wake up in it, I’ll be scared when I wake up.

The Undertaker hit old school on Kamala and I find it sad that they didn’t have a name for that move for years! For years and it was one of his signature moves?!?

The end of the match saw the Undertaker nailing Kamala with the urn and pinned him. After that, he rolled him over and right into the coffin. To finish the match, the Undertaker had to hammer in some nails to pick up the victory. I’m happy this is one of the few coffin matches like that because that’s a cheesy thirty seconds of television seeing the Undertaker hammer the nails. Luckily he didn’t miss and hit his fingers.

Winner: The Undertaker

Sean Mooney is backstage with the WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels. Mooney mentions that people believe that Michaels pulled his manager Sherri in the way from an attack from Marty Jannetty and how he won the IC title from the Bulldog a few weeks before this Survivor Series. Michaels then says that he defeated Bret Hart and the British Bulldog within the past few months, meaning that he did it once, he’ll do it again. Michaels said that he’ll be the next person to walk out with the Intercontinental and WWF Championship belts.

WWF Championship: Shawn Michaels (WWF Intercontinental Champ) versus Bret Hart (WWF Champ)

This match is one match that I always love to go back and relive. Granted both men aren’t at the peak of their careers but it’s always great to see these two climbing up in their careers. When Shawn Michaels was on his way to the ring, we go backstage with “Mean” Gene interviewing Bret Hart. Hart won the title from Ric Flair in a house show and I guess within a two and a half week span he defeated at least five guys in defending the WWF title. A lot of jobbers in that line-up. Hart said that surviving isn’t based on one night and being lucky, its being successful for years and making success out of it. Hart said that it took him eight and a half years to be in the spot where he’s at. Hart also put over Michaels as a great wrestler – why can’t superstars do that these days?

McMahon and Heenan put over both superstars in the match when Hart first came out of the gorilla position, saying that both men are in great condition and the match should be a decent match because of it. Michael Cole, are you taking note?

The match opens up with a collar-and-elbow-tie-up and Hart pushes Michaels into a corner and Hebner had to get in the middle of the two to break up the tie-up. Right after the ref broke it up, Heenan called Hart out for taking it to the Heartbreak Kid, saying that he doesn’t need to out-wrestle him, which he needs to out-smart Michaels. Smart thinking Heenan, that’s why we call you “the Brain.”

For the first few minutes, both men counter each other with moves and do a lot of rest holds. I agree with the start of the match, starting slow for the fans to help build them up for the finish of the match. It’s silly for them to go fast pace right out of the box and then slow down, that’s an easy way to burn the fans out of the match, especially in the main event spot on a pay-per-view.

McMahon asked Heenan who’ll win the match. Heenan’s response made me laugh and I wanted to share his comment: Whoever wants it more. That’s a given, right? Just the way Heenan says his responses makes simple things like that gold.

Bret was able to get out of Michaels front-face-lock and ran to the ropes and came back to nail HBK but Michaels executed a perfect drop kick. Absolutely beautiful.

Michaels whipped Hart into a corner and tried to run at him, Bret kicked his feet up and HBK ran into his feet, which lead to a vintage bulldog spot from Hart. So far in this match, Hart is making Michaels look like a great contender for the WWF Championship. Matches like this will elevate Michaels into the main event picture and will cement Hart in the main event picture.

To my surprise, even though I knew this before, Michaels hit the Sweet Chin Music before it was his finish and the announcers were going crazy, saying that one more move, the Tear-Drop Back Suplex, we’ll crown a new WWF Champion. Michaels was able to hit it yet Hart kicked out. What way to kill a man’s finish on his way up to the top.

The finish saw Hart catching Michaels in the sharpshooter and Michaels had to submit to lose the match.

Winner: Bret Hart, still Champ.

This Survivor Series was okay, in my eyes, it was built for only two matches, the Razor/Flair versus Savage/Perfect and the WWF title match. Other than that, this match is passable. If you guys don’t want to see those two matches, this pay-per-view is surely miscible. Not the great Survivor Series — definitely placed in my bottom half of Survivor Series.

Eric Darsie is known as a ‘common-man’ among his peers, at least he thinks so. He works hard with his hands in the heart of Minnesota and on his free time, he thugs and a bugs with his family and friends. Whenever he doesn’t do that, he’s found to be writing. Now more of a rare thing, he’s gems could be found here. If you would like to see more of Eric’s work outside of the professional world, check him out at http://vintagedarsie.wordpress.com/, http://www.writerscafe.org/Darsie/writing/, and on Twitter @IAmDarsie.

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Welcome to the 5-3-12 edition of Impact Wrestling! The opening video is of the farce of a “celebration” for Eric Bischoff last week that was nothing more than yet another sad attempt to get Garett Bischoff over with the fans. Guess what? Not happening. Oh, and is it just me, or did SoCal Val look like she’s packed on quite a bit of weight?

We immediately cut to the Impact Zone, where Ric Flair is in the ring. He says that Hogan always plays with him, and that Hogan thinks Flair is his pawn. He thinks Flair will always be under his thumb. Flair’s not buying it, and he doesn’t have to. Why? Because he’s “Ric G-O-D Flair”. In our world, he’s just plain “God”. Last week, Hogan and Garett ran one of the biggest names in history out of the business. Of course, he’s talking about Eric Bischoff. Flair wants to talk to Hogan tonight in the ring tonight because he’s pissed off. He mentions how expensive all of his clothes are, saying his Sears clearance special shirt cost him $2000.

Hogan’s fake now music hits, and he’s making his way out, microphone in hand. Go figure. Remember when this would be a great way to open a wrestling show 17 years ago? Flair calls this “good vs. evil”, with Hogan being good, beyond a shadow of a doubt. But, Flair is “the baddest man in the planet”. He’s tired of Hogan running roughshod over him. What does he have to do? Take Dixie Carter back to Hard Rock? Huh? Anyway, Hogan says he’s not here to fight him. Flair knows that; Hogan’s here to boss him around. Hogan says that, as GM, he’s making it a priority to “step the game up” in Impact Wrestling. When Flair talks about evil, he should have said Eric Bischoff. Eric spread a lot of evil, even to his own son, brother. Hogan’s taking his new GM position very seriously, even hanging his boots up in the process. There’s a chance to make Impact Wrestling one of the longest-running promotions out there. In passing, Flair does work for Hogan, and since Hogan is his boss, he’s going to ask Flair for something; he wants Flair to be a judge for “Gut Check”. With Ric Flair in the lead position with the judges, “we all have a chance to live forever”. We have a chance to live through the new talent, telling them when to stay down or get back up. Hogan is asking Flair to do something for the fans with this. He wants Flair to help shape the future of the business with this job. He doesn’t have to respect Hogan here; he just needs to be “The Nature Boy”. Flair says it doesn’t matter what his response is, because Hogan will tell him he has to do it anyway. Flair says he loves the kids, and as a result, will agree to the position.

Later tonight, RVD and Bobby Roode will choose opponents for each other tonight. Up next, Velvet Sky and Brooke Tessmacher take on Gail Kim and Madison Rayne.

We see Velvet Sky and Brooke Tessmacher in the back with Anonymous Interviewer. She calls Gail Kim a cheater, cheating to beat Sky at every time. But, at the right circumstances at the right time, Sky will beat her. Tessy then says she’s beaten Kim twice, and she’ll do it a third time tonight. Sky says one of them will beat Kim for the title.

MATCH 1: Knockouts Champion Gail Kim and Madison Rayne vs. Brooke Tessmacher and Velvet Sky
I love how TNA turns the blue lights up on the stage so much that you can barely see who’s coming out. Tessy and Workrate might be nice to look at, but it’s a serious test of patience listening to them talk. Is it a requirement for all Knockouts to be obnoxious on a microphone? For whatever reason, Earl Hebner starts patting the faces down, which allows the heels to attack from behind. Kim and Sky are now in the ring, and Kim dominates with punches and kicks. Sky hits a clothesline, followed by a pair of dumbass facebreakers and a bulldog. Swinging headscissors by Sky, but Kim attacks from behind off a distraction by Rayne. Rayne tags in and goes to work on Sky in the corner. Kim tags back in. Double corner whip, followed by a pair of partner whips. Kim pulls Sky down by the hair as she’s on the apron. She gets back in and knocks Tessy off the apron. Rayne tags in, and Kim hits a leg stunner, followed by a botched jumping side kick by Rayne for 2. Rayne locks in the Taco Twister before knocking Tessy off the aprong yet again. Sky fights back with kicks and chops, but Rayne rakes the eyes. Kim tags back in and kicks Sky in the ribs, followed by a running clothesline for 2. Kim sets Sky up on the top turnbuckle and looks for a super hurricanrana, but Sky holds the ropes and follows up with a “bulldog-style faceplant”, according to Tenay’s stupid ass. Tessy tags in and hits a couple of clotheslines, a Dropsh*t and a hurricanrana. She looks for her finisher, but Kim blocks it and lands a clothesline. Kim sets up for Eat Defeat, but Tessy blocks it and shoves Kim into the corner. Rayne comes in, but she’s speared by Sky, sending them both to the floor. Kim blocks a kick from Tessy and taunts her. Tessy goes for a punch, and Kim blocks that as well. Tessy turns the blocks into her own version of Eat Defeat, scoring the 3.

WINNERS: Velvet Sky and Brooke Tessmacher. During this match, Mike Tenay could not stop talking about Alex Silva’s “amazing” performance last week, and how there’s so much buzz about him. Obviously, he and I were watching two entirely different matches.

We see Rob Van Dam warming up in the back.

In preparation for Slammiversary 10, we see moments from TNA’s first anniversary show, which saw Jeff Jarrett retain the NWA World title against Raven.

Back in the Impact Zone, RVD is in the ring. He’s talking about how people have been entertained by him for years. He doesn’t have to tell us how great he is, but he’ll do it anyway because he can. He’s Rob Van Dam, the Whole F’n Show. He’s one of a kind, often imitated, never intimidated (his words). Mr. Pay-Per-View. He’s also the man who’s going to beat Bobby Roode and become the next champion. He doesn’t have to tell us he never lost the title in the first place. He knows what he brings to the table-he’s R-V-D. Boy, that was about as cliché of a Van Dam interview as it gets.

Bobby Roode makes his way onto the stage. He was sitting in the back trying to mind his own business, but he couldn’t help but hear how overconfident RVD has been. He knows RVD’s head is in the clouds 99.9% of the time, and he was on hiatus for a while, so let him remind RVD who he is-he is Bobby Roode, the World Champion, the IT Factor and the leader of the Selfish Generation. He’s not just any champion; he’s the most dominant World Champion in the history of the company. He’s done that by beating guys like AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy, Sting and James Storm, just to name a few. At Sacrifice, RVD’s name will be added to that list. As for tonight, the GM has made a plan for tonight. Hogan is allowing RVD to choose Roode’s opponent, and vice-versa. He’s going to give RVD the chance to announce his choice first. RVD says he’s got a guy Roode knows very well, and a guy Roode hit over the head with a beer bottle last month-Mr. Anderson. Roode says that great, and he’s got someone in mind for RVD, a close friend. As you would expect, Roode announces Jeff Hardy as RVD’s opponent. Aside from a pointless “You are garbage” chant at Roode during this segment, the crowd was completely dead for the whole thing.

Still to come, Kurt Angle, Kazarian and Christopher Daniels take on Magnus, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles in a 6-Man. Up next, Devon defends the World TV title.

MATCH 2-World Television Championship: Robbie T (w/Robbie E) vs. Devon
Well, this match has “workrate” written all over it. T starts attacking Devon in the corner, hitting him with a knee to the gut before throwing him to the opposite corner. T hits a short-arm clothesline. Devon fights back with punches, but T cuts him off with a back elbow. I’ve just realized something-both Robbie T and Mason Ryan are Welshmen, both are huge, and both suck something fierce. Is the best Wales can offer pro wrestling? T hits an over-the-shoulder powerslam, but only gets 2. T charges to the corner, but Devon hits a back elbow and a pair of shoulderblocks. He hits a flying shoulderblock, sending T into the corner. Avalanche in the corner, which leads to another flying shoulderblock. Devon climbs to the top rope, hitting the headbutt. His family is dead now. The headbutt only gets 2. Robbie E jumps on the apron, but Devon just hip tosses him in. Devon manages to hit a spear off the ropes, but turns around into a shot to the head with a clipboard by Robbie E.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION, AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon. Robbie E then stands over Devon after the match, holding the belt up.

We see Al Snow and Ric Flair talking in the back. They’re talking about being “Gut Check” judges, before Al Snow introduces the third judge, Bruce Pritchard.

After the break, we see “highlights” from the “Gut Check” last week, which saw Alex Silva get his ass handed to him by Robbie E. We then cut away to the judges discussing the match. Flair says, “You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken sh*t”, then calls the kid a twig and says he’ll never be World Champion. Agreed on all fronts. Snow says we’re looking at future potential, not right now. Flair says Silva doesn’t have the potential. Pritchard says he’s seen Silva many other times, and this wasn’t his best outing. Flair says he’s not big enough, and he’ll never get ratings. Pritchard mentions the X-Division, and Flair doesn’t even see X-Division in him. Pritchard points out that not everyone believed in Flair in his earliest days. Snow makes up some crap about how he tested positive with fans, saying 63% of Twitter responses were positive. Flair says the fans don’t run the business. Funny, but I’m pretty sure the business wouldn’t exist without the fans. Just a thought. Pritchard does point this out. Flair says he respects the fans, but doesn’t respect their opinions. I’m not even going to begin to dissect that one. They continue to rattle on about Silva, saying they need 2 votes to get him on the roster, and Snow tells Flair not to make his final vote just yet.

Back from the break, we see Hulk Hogan and Mr. Anderson talking in the back. Hogan is informing Anderson his opponent for tonight is Roode. Anderson is stupidly chewing on a spoon. Hogan says Anderson is the number one guy, and deserves the number one spot. He then makes his match with Roode tonight No Disqualification. They then share Anderson’s catchphrase as I choke on my own bile.

MATCH 3: Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
Match starts with a side headlock by Hardy. RVD reverses into a top wristlock, turning it into a leg scissors for a 1-count. Hardy counters out with an arm drag. RVD goes into a waistlock, which Hardy reverses. RVD reverses, but Hardy counters with a back elbow and a reverse enziguri, sending RVD to the floor. Hardy knocks him down with a dropkick through the ropes before landing a clothesline off the apron. Hardy throws RVD back in for a pin, but only gets 2. RVD throws som punches. Hardy counters a monkey flip with a double legdrop pin for 2. RVD reverses a corner whip and lands a monkey flip out of the corner. RVD nails a roundhouse in the corner. Hardy comes back with Whisper in the Wind for 2. RVD hits a jawbreaker and a roundhouse thrust kick. RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, but Hardy gets his knees up. Bobby Roode makes his way down, belt in hand. Roode has a brand new Affliction knock-off t-shirt. It’s TNA. What do you expect: Roode cracks Hardy across the back with the belt as the referee tries to dive out of the way of an Irish whip. Roode wanted to hit RVD, but RVD countered, causing Roode to nail Hardy. RVD lands a superkick and gets the 3.

WINNER: Rob Van Dam.

We see Bully Ray walking in the back. He’s stopped by Joseph Abyss, who had just been on the phone. Abyss says Ray didn’t get answers last week. Ray says he still won’t get any this week. Abyss knows Ray had something to do with the disappearance of himself, and he’s going to prove it. Ray shoves him, telling him to back off. Ray says Abyss knows exactly what he does to guys like Abyss. He tells Abyss to just ask himself about that. Oh, wait; Abyss can’t do that, because Abyss is missing. Ray then tells him to stay out of his way.

As if once wasn’t enough, we then see the Garett/Eric angle from last week once again.

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Jeremy Borash is talking to Anonymous Interviewer, saying a bunch of stupid stuff about Eric Bischoff. I hate listening to this bloated waste of space. Ray cuts him off. He wants to hear everything Borash has to say. He wants to hear about how Borash took care of Eric last week. Ray then grabs him by the collar and drags him to out to the ring, saying they’re going to discuss it in front of everyone. Ray just loudmouths a bunch of crap before telling Borash to get on his knees. He then grabs a microphone (as if he needs one) before shoving Borash into the ring. Ray asks if Borash forgot what he did last week. You bowing up to me? You bowing up to me? Ray is sick of hearing about “anti-bullying”. They should start a new campaign: The “Stop being a little b*tch and stick up for yourself” campaign. Borash is the poster boy for all the little b*tches guys like Ray take advantage of. He asks Borash if he’d like to punch Ray in the face. The crowd stupidly cheers for this. Ray walks all over guys like Borash because he can.

Austin Aries’ music hits, and he makes his way out. He makes fun of Ray’s “Do you know who I am?” line. We know who Ray is-the guy who picks on lawyers. Ray tells him not to step in the ring. Aries steps into the ring. He only cares about him and Ray. Ray called him out, and when he did that, he did so in regards to the only thing he could-Aries’ size. Aries believes Ray has taken bigger craps than him, and eaten bigger chicken wings than him, because, in case Ray forgot, he spent most of his career as “Blubber Ray”, a big, fat, pasty poster boy for all-you-can eat buffets and type 2 diabetes. Thank you, Austin Aries. Yet another reason why you’re great. Ray slaps the mic out of his hand and says that playtime is over. He shoves Aries and continues to mouth off, saying Aries will now have to stand up for himself. But he won’t, because at the end of the day, he’s the champion, and he represents small, insignificant men. Ray isn’t all talk; Aries is. Ray then spits in his face. As Ray continues to run his fat mouth, Aries finally snaps. He decks him a bunch of times, beating Ray down in the corner. He begins kneeing Ray in the head as “security” comes in to break things up. They pull Aries back, and Ray kicks him in the nuts. On the plus side, Aries split Ray’s lip open in the process. Ray leaves the ring and moos like a cow. No, really. He did.

We see Christopher Daniels and Kazarian in the back. Kaz is talking about how they didn’t get their title match last week. Kurt Angle is also back here. Daniels talks about winning the tag titles and humiliating AJ Styles. Angle tells them to shut up, and the only thing he cares about is making Styles tap out tonight and at Sacrifice. Kaz makes some stupid joke about ostrich jerky.

James Storm is debuting his “music video” on CMT.com. Who in the hell cares? Storm will be back next week to talk some more, which is about all he’s been doing lately.

We see Bobby Roode in the back, in some weirdly-lit area. He’s complaining about Hulk Hogan’s added stipulation for tonight. He should call Sting and find out where he’s at, because he was the last authority figure in the company, and Roode took care of him. And if RVD thinks he’s taking the belt, he’s got another thing coming.

MATCH 4-Six-Man Tag Team Match: Kurt Angle, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian vs. World Tag Team Champions Magnus & Samoa Joe, and AJ Styles
Have you ever noticed that Angle has feuds in both major companies over a necklace? Random thought for you. The faces charge the ring, with the champs cleaning house on Daniels and Kaz. Styles and Angle start off with some chain wrestling, followed by trading blows. Angle hits a European uppercut, but runs into a dropkick by Styles off the ropes. Angle reverses a suplex attempt with a punch. Daniels comes in and knocks Styles down. Angle gets mad and tells him to get back out of the ring. Meanwhile, Joe has tagged in, and he nails Angle with a bunch of rights. Magnus tags in, and they hit their inverted atomic drop/big boot/running senton combo for 2. Magnus gets Angle in the corner and lands an uppercut. Daniels nails Magnus with a hotshot, allowing Angle to clothesline Magnus down. Daniels and Kaz are asking for a tag, but Angle is refusing. He lands a European uppercut on Magnus before going into a rear chinlock. Magnus fights out with elbows, but telegraphs a back body drop. Magnus still manages to connect with a misdirection clothesline before tagging in Styles. Kaz tags in (at least, according to Taz. I never saw a tag), who eats a roundhouse and a fireman’s carry into a neckbreaker. He looks for the Styles Clash on Angle, but Daniels nails Styles with a Ghetto Blaster. Joe comes in and chops Daniels across the chest. Magnus blocks a corner whip, allowing Joe to back drop Daniels to the floor. He nails Daniels with a suicide dive into a forearm shot. The champs set Daniels up for Styles, but Angle trips Styles up and goes into the ankle lock. Apparently, I was right, and Angle is still legal. Kaz tags himself in as Daniels and Angle begin to argue. Joe charges at Daniels from behind, sending both him and Angle to the floor. Kaz sets up the Fade to Black on Styles, but Magnus boots him right in the chest. Styles rolls through into a Styles Clash, and connects for the 3.

WINNERS: Magnus, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. After the match, Angle begins berating Kaz and Daniels. Angle shoves Daniels before getting in his face. Eventually, he backs off. Daniels grabs a microphone and says he’s going to end this once and for all with AJ Styles next week. Styles has seen the photographs, so either he comes out and tells the world his secret, or Daniels and Kaz will. How much do you want to bet this involves either Daniels or Kaz being the real father of one or all of Styles’ kids?

Up next, we learn what Alex Silva’s future will be. Considering how embarrassing his match was last week, I expect him to get a massive push, winning the tag titles with Garett Bischoff. That sounds like TNA logic to me.

The three “Gut Check” judges are in the ring, and most of the lights have been shut off, I guess to add some unnecessary drama. Al Snow rattles off some cliché stuff before introducing his fellow judges, saying, “joining me alongside Ric Flair and myself” as he introduces Pritchard. He then calls Alex Silva out to the ring. Crowd doesn’t seem all that interested. We then get some overly-dramatic music for no reason. Flair gives his thought, and that’s he likes Silva’s attitude, but he needs to grow some more. Pritchard says last week, Silva came down like he already had a job. Last week probably wasn’t his best outing, but TNA needs talent. True, so why are they looking at this clownshoe? Snow reminds Silva that he needs the vote of 2 of the 3 judges to get a job. Flair gives his vote as Silva “Woos” at him. Flair simply says no. Silva gives him an angrypants look. Boo-hoo. Snow says yes before once again reminding him that he needs two votes, then gives him the microphone and tells him he has 30 seconds to sell himself. Silva addresses each judge by name, then looks up at the ceiling and talks to his apparently dead dad. He rambles on about how he was poor at 13, and became more and more poor…the timer runs out. Flair tells him not to talk to the marks, talk to them. Start over. 30SECONDS!30SECONDS!ISTANDUPFORMYSELFEACHANDEVERYNIGHT! I MOVEDTOTHEUNITEDSTATESFROMCANADAPOORIWANTTOLIVEMYDREAMDADILOVEYOU! Or something like that. Flair then changes his answer to “yes”, and I lose just a bit more respect for “The Man”. Pritchard says his original answer was no based on his performance last week. Last week, his nerves got the best of him. This week, he got a second shot, and his answer is now yes. So. There you go. Silva joins the roster, and will join some illustrious names like Mark Starr, Bunkhouse Buck, Buddy Lee Parker and Tim Horner in regards to his place in wrestling.

God, that went on too long. Still, most anything is better than listening to or watching Mr. Anderson, who refers to himself as the “archetypal asshole” (which remains uncensored, though ass and bitch are still bleeped), despite the fact I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know the definition of “archetypal”.

MATCH 5-No Disqualification Match: Mr. Anderson vs. World Champion Bobby Roode (non-title)
Anderson meets Roode at ringside, where he begins brawling with Roode, slamming his head into the barricades. Anderson with some punches. Roode blocks a slam into the steps before landing a side-Russian leg sweep into the ring apron. Roode sets up for a piledriver, but Anderson blocks it and turns it into a slingshot into the ringpost. Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam on the floor as we go to commercials.

Just saw the preview for “That’s My Boy”. Can someone please, please, PLEASE explain to me how Adam Sandler keeps getting work? Oh, wait. He had to open his own production company for himself and his friends because no one else will hire any of them anymore. Never mind.

You know, I just noticed that the ringposts in this promotion are square shaped, which means they have sharp edges. That’s a pretty stupid design when you consider how much more dangerous that could be than the standard round posts. Then again, this is TNA. Anyway, we’re back from the break, and Roode is begging off in the corner from Anderson, who has apparently went back on offense during the break. Roode lands a low blow before stomping Anderson in the nuts. Anderson rolls to the floor, where Roode follows him in order to throw him back in the ring, where he gets a 2-count. Roode stomps Anderson down before taunting the crowd. Roode with a suplex and a jumping knee drop for 2. Anderson fights back from his knees with punches and chops, but runs right into a back elbow off the ropes. Roode goes to the floor and grabs a chair and wedges it in between the top and middle turnbuckles. Roode goes to throw Anderson in, but Anderson reverses, sending Roode in head-first.

Hey, remember when Hogan totally buried Roode in several interviews? Now, he’s doing nothing but sucking up to the guy, saying how badly TNA needs him as champion. Just some information for you. Back to the match, Anderson and Roode are trading blows. Anderson eventually dominates, hits a clothesline, a back elbow and a swinging neckbreaker. Roode ducks a kick, but Anderson keeps spinning and hits a version of the Ghetto Blaster. Anderson looks for the Mic Check, but Roode elbows out. He gets his feet up on a corner charge, in the corner with the chair. Roode knocks the chair down and goes to the top rope. Anderson crotches him and looks for the rolling fireman’s carry again, but Roode shoves him into the ropes, catching him with the spinebuster. Roode sets up for the Payoff on the chair, but Jeff Hardy runs down and lands a reverse enziguri on Roode. He turns around to Anderson, who nails Hardy with the Mic Check. Roode grabs the chair, hits Anderson in the stomach with it before landing a shot to the back, then hits Anderson with the Payoff for the 3.

WINNER: Bobby Roode. After the match, Roode continues the attack with the chair, taking turns on both guys. RVD runs down to chase Roode out of the ring before checking on the other two. As he’s doing so, Roode comes back into the ring and cracks RVD across the back before landing a DDT on the chair.

End of show.

The main event wasn’t much of a No DQ match, outside of a couple chair shots and low blows. Well, at least the 6-man was relatively enjoyable.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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Welcome to the 4-26-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. Tonight is the debut of “Open Fight Night”, and if you read my column earlier this week, you know it should just be phenomenal, a smashing success that will last for years to come.

We see some footage at the beginning from OVW, TNA’s “developmental system” that they’ve used to develop approximately zero new stars thus far. Hulk Hogan is in the back, talking to all of the current champions, reminding them again of what exactly this stupid night is about. He refers to Samoa Joe and Magnus as the greatest tag team of all time. Once again, the Knockouts Tag Team Champions are absent, as is Television Champion Devon. He singles out each competitor, complimenting them for various reasons. He tells Joe and Magnus they need to “shut up or put up”. The problem is there are too many teams wanting to challenge the tag champs. He’s going to be listening to a lot of whining and crying about who deserves a spot. That’s why the tag champs need to step it up and prove themselves. Hogan is completely incoherent tonight.

We get a zazzy new video and theme song for “Open Fight Night” to attempt to make it seem much more important than it actually is. Devon is out for the opening match, with Mike Tenay reminding us the TV title will now be defended each week from now on (until someone in the company forgets and they scrap it with no explanation). Devon reminds us of what Hogan said about the company champions last week, then tells us again that his belt must be defended every week. We see some of the locker room looking on in the back as Devon tells us who he is calling out for his title defense tonight. He calls out the guy everybody hates and needs an ass-kicking worse than anyone, Bully Ray.

Bully Ray makes his way out, asking Devon if he’s serious. He calls Devon stupid. What makes Devon think Ray wants to be in a ring with him? They had to be in a ring together for 15 years, and it made Ray sick. For 15 years, Ray carried Devon. He wouldn’t even have the opportunity to be TV Champion if it wasn’t for Ray. Ray won’t get in the ring to make Devon look good, because if they’re in the ring together, that makes Devon a star, and Ray isn’t going to help Devon become a star. Ray says the match won’t happen tonight, and go to hell. As he’s heading back up the ramp, Devon charges after him, taking him down from behind. Devon continues punching Ray until they’re back around the ring, where the bell rings to start the match.

MATCH 1-World Television Championship: Champion Devon vs. Bully Ray
Devon continues decking Ray before hitting him with a bottle of water. That only works for R-Truth. They finally get into the ring, where Ray begs off. Love how neither of these guys will agree to wear normal ring gear. Ray offers a handshake, which Devon accepts and turns into a short-arm clothesline. Devon hits a horrible Thesz Press, then knocks Ray down again with an uppercut. Devon goes up top, but Ray crotches him as we go to commercials.

I’m beginning to think the people behind 5-Hour Energy have never seen how actual people operate in their real day-to-day lives.

Back from the break, Ray drops an elbow. He has a little cut above his left eye. Ray spits a loogie in the air, then catches it in his mouth. Now that’s classy. Ray with a bodyslam and a running splash for 2 before locking in a Trapezius claw. Devon catches Ray with a spear off the ropes. There are bunch of really cool guys in the front row with their faces painted. Ray and Devon trade a bunch of punches before Devon hits a spinning back elbow off the ropes, followed by the Miz’s Reality Check, only in slow-motion. Ray gets his foot up on a corner charge, then nails a clothesline for 2. Ray sets up for the Bully Bomb. Devon counters out, but Ray counters again into the Bubba Cutter for 2. Ray charges out of the corner, but runs right into Devon’s standing spinebuster, which is enough for the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon.

Austin Aries is in the back, talking to Anonymous Interviewer about how Bully Ray can’t win a match when he doesn’t cheat. He wants to get his hands on Ray.

Ric Flair is elsewhere in the back, talking to Anonymous Interviewer #2 about his party for Eric Bischoff (which is sans-bleep tonight. See what I mean about TNA forgetting things quickly?). Flair says we are going to “rock and Randall”. I don’t know, either. He just continues to verbally fellate Bischoff before giving out a “Woo”.

We will find out later who Hulk Hogan is picking for the tag champs’ opponents tonight. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Hogan picking the opponents for that match pretty much go against everything he talked about in regards to Open Fight Night last week?

In the locker room, we Christopher Daniels and Kazarian walk in on Kurt Angle. Kaz is rambling on about how pathetic AJ Styles is. Angle says he never asked for their help last week, and if they ever get involved in his matches again, they’ll see a side of him they never want to see. Daniels calls Angle and ungrateful ass. Angle hears it, so Daniels plays it off like he’s on the phone. So, Angle’s a face now? Great.

We see wrestlers looking on in the back as Jeremy Borash makes his way out for some reason. Borash reminds us of what night it is. He thanks Hogan for this, as this gives all employees the opportunity to air a grievance or possibly call someone out. He’s not here to call out a wrestler, but he’s here to call out another employee. He’s been here longer than anyone on the current roster, and it’s universally known that there hasn’t been a bigger prick in the last three years to come into the company than Eric Bischoff. If this is going to be Bischoff’s last night here, instead of getting liquored up and demeaning employees on his Facebook page, he’d like to call Bischoff into the ring face-to-face and shove his fist down Bischoff’s throat. So, this is what it’s come to, folks-announcers calling out managers. Because this equals ratings.

Bischoff makes his way down. Honestly, does anyone care about any of this? Borash is about as entertaining or viable as Eric’s worthless son, Garett. The crowd is doing the “Na na na na” chant. Eric takes a picture of Borash. Borash says there needs to be a breathalyzer on Eric’s phone, then asks about apps involving drunk tweets. Eric says he hopes Borash enjoys his 15 seconds of fame here, because he knows he will. He corrects Borash that his phone is an iPhone and not a Blackberry, because we all give a damn. Eric starts to say something else, when Bully Ray comes in from behind and gives Borash a low blow. Eric calls Borash an idiot as Ray films him with his phone. Eric asks a referee to come into the ring, since it’s Open Fight Night.

MATCH 2: Jeremy Borash vs. Eric Bischoff
The referee gets down and counts a 3, making Eric Bischoff the winner of this “match”.

WINNER: Eric Bischoff. Correct me if I’m wrong, but even though Eric is here tonight, he lost his job as an employee in the Lethal Lockdown match, meaning Borash calling him out and him “getting the win” were both even more pointless. Yeah, this concept is going to last a really long time.

Mr. Anderson is in the back, talking to Anonymous Interviewer now. He’s rambling on about respect for Eric Bischoff, as Eric is the one who brought him in the company. He more or less calls Eric two-faced. He says everyone thinks Bischoff is an asshole, but that’s not true because Anderson is an asshole; it’s a term of indearment. God, I hate you so much, Anderson. He then calls Bischoff a “frickin’ douchebag, and that douchebag needs to go BUH-BYE.” So much hate for this man.

Mexican America is in the ring. Speaking of wrestlers I hate, Anarquia has been given a microphone. He’s screaming about not being considered for the Tag Team title match. Nobody can beat them at all. Except, you know, everyone on the roster since they haven’t won a match in months. Kurt Angle is apparently going to do so. Anarquia keeps spewing nonsense with fake Spanish peppered in. He makes it look like Hernandez is going to take the match, but attacks Angle from behind as he’s looking at Hernandez.

MATCH 2: Anarquia (w/Hernandez, Rosita and Sarita) vs. Kurt Angle.
Again, when did Angle become a face? Anarquia is punching Angle in the corner, followed by a corner whip. Remember when Angle was the most hated guy in the company? Neither doe these fans. Angle sidesteps a corner charge, hits a release German Suplex, follows up with the Angle Slam and the ankle lock for the submission.

WINNER: Kurt Angle. You know your show is bad when the best match of the night so far has been Bully Ray vs. Devon.

We get a video package for Alex Silva, who will get a chance at a TNA contract tonight in the first Open Fight Night “Gut Check”. Alex Silva makes his way into the Impact Zone, flanked by Al Snow, who has a microphone. Guess we have to wait until after the commercial to hear what Snow has to say.

Back from the break, Snow and Silva are in the ring. Snow is telling us he is the lead judge for these “Gut Checks”. He describes what the Gut Check is, with these guys basically attempting to earn a spot on the roster when facing a TNA star. He then tells all independent stars to sign up for the Gut Check if they want a shot in the future. Tens of independent stars are signing up right now as we speak.

MATCH 4: Alex Silva vs. Robbie E (w/Robbie T)
Al Snow is taking over for Mike Tenay on commentary for this match. E slaps Silva. Silva slaps E. Silva looks like a monkey. He throws a few really weak punches and a clothesline for a 0-count. E hits a clothesline and a bunch of weak kicks. This could headline flea markets all over the country. E with a double axe handle and a back elbow. E with a bodyslam, a knee lift and another bodyslam. E goes to the middle rope, but misses the elbow drop. Silva hits a pair of back elbows and a powerslam. He goes to the middle, but E moves out of the way, kicks him in the gut and hits a punch. The camera awkwardly cuts to a shot of some fans who look terribly bored. E hits a weak implant DDT and gets the 3.

WINNER: Robbie E. Al Snow tells us to email TNA and let them know what we think of Alex Silva. I think I can speak for the other 9 people watching this show when I say that, Silva, you are only embarrassing yourself.

Dixie Carter is telling Anonymous Interviewer about what she’ll miss about Eric Bischoff. Basically, she sarcastically says she’ll miss everything about him, before saying “Pretty much nothing.” Ha! That was so clever.

We see Hulk Hogan in his office, talking to the possible challengers for the Tag Team titles. He lists off the “so many great teams” on the roster, which consist of the Motor City Machine Guns, the mash-up team of Anderson & Jeff Hardy, Kazarian & Christopher Daniels (who have barely teamed since this angle started) and ODB & Eric Young. This is your TNA tag team division, folks. Hogan asks Daniels why his team deserves the shot. Daniels points out the Guns lost at Lockdown. He says in ODB, one of them is a man, and the other has a bad beard. He calls Anderson a “potty mouth”, saying he and Hardy hate each other. Chris Sabin points out the Guns’ accolades, saying they want it more than anyone else. Hogan then calls Hardy and Anderson two of the greatest pieces of talent in history. Anderson kisses Hardy and say he loves him. Apparently, that’s his reason for deserving a shot. As Hogan is asking ODB and Young if they’re ready, you can see that he’s stoned out of his mind. Young says they’re undefeated, and they’re already champions. Hogan tells the Guns they are out of the competition due to Shelley’s knee being bad after Lockdown, but he’ll make his final decision later tonight. Makes sense-eliminate the best team on the roster and one of the best in the world. Good decision.

Brooke Tessmacher makes her way down, calling for a microphone on the way. The former notch on Batista’s bedpost says the entire wrestling world is talking about how she pinned Gail Kim last week. Except no one is talking about that. At all. People are saying it was a fluke (bingo). She’s here to prove that was no fluke, that she’s no fluke, and she’s not a pair of ASS-ets. Oh, that was so good. It may not be a championship match, but she’s calling out Gail Kim’s “high maintenance…self…” out here now.

MATCH 4: Brooke Tessmacher vs. Knockouts Champion Gail Kim (non-title)
Tessy tries to charge in before the bell, but referee Earl Hebner keeps them separated. He then rings the bell after Kim decks Tessy in the back of the head. Kim throws her into the corners a couple of times before whipping her face-first into the mat. Kim botches a running clothesline for 2. Kim slaps her in the face and kicks her in the ribs. Another corner whip, followed by a corner clothesline? I guess? I don’t know. It looked bad. Kim’s off her game tonight. Tessy moves out of the way of a second charge, and fires off some punches. Corner whip by Tessy, but Kim counters with a running clothesline. That one looked better. Kim slams Tessy’s head into the mat before stomping on her. She gets Tessy up in a fireman’s carry, and just releases her face-first. Tessy fights back from her knees, hitting some forearms and a pair of running clotheslines. She hits the Eve Torres Dropsh*t, but Kim sidesteps her on a charge, sending her throat-first into the ropes. Kim gets her in the corner and applies a foot choke. She grabs the title belt and shoves it in Tessy’s face before calling her a “piece of sh*t”. Kim hits the running shoulder in the corner, then goes up top for a seated dropkick. Tessy moves and hits a back suplex into a facebuster for 3.

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WINNER: Brooke Tessmacher. Guess she finally upgraded her finisher from the small package.

Up next, Hogan eliminates the second team for the Tag Team title match tonight. I’m on the edge of my seat here.

Anonymous Interviewer is asking Daniels and Kazarian if they’ll get the title match tonight. Daniels says of course. Kazarian makes reference to “a disturbance in the force”, saying AJ Styles isn’t here tonight, but he better show up next week, or they let the “kitty out of the bag”. Kazarian, quit trying to be a nerd. You’re a total dork and a tool, and it’s time you accepted that.

We get video from last week, when RVD became the new #1 contender for the World title, despite really not having done anything at all for months. Just like last year! Hooray for fresh ideas!

We see Al Snow talking to Alex Silva. He hopes Silva realizes the chance he got, and he’ll talk to the other judges and get back to Silva next week with their decision. World Champion Bobby Roode walks in. He calls Silva the “Gut Check kid” before introducing himself. Silva had a chance at a contract tonight. Does he know how long it took Roode to get a contract, to even get seen in this company? He wishes Silva luck before telling him he always has to be ready for the unexpected. Roode then punches him in the stomach.

We’re now back in Hogan’s office with the title contenders. He singles out ODB and Eric Young, saying they’ve “over-trained”. Okay. They’re out of the running for tonight. As Young walks away, his bacne is more prevalent than ever. Hogan tells the two remaining teams to head to the ring, as he’ll make his decision there.

Great. We’ve got Garett Bischoff talking to Anonymous Interviewer now. He’s putting in his two cents about Eric Bischoff now. I’m sure you can guess everything that the face son will say about the heel dad, so I’m not recapping it. I’ve had enough of this asshat.

We see Bully Ray in the back, talking on his cellphone to his girlfriend or whatever. Joseph Abyss walks in and introduces himself. He says it’s a pleasure to meet Ray. Ray responds with, “Of course it is.” Abyss says Ray might know the whereabouts of himself. Ray doesn’t know anything, but if he didn’t, he wouldn’t say anything. Abyss hands him his card, asking him if he knows any information on the whereabouts of himself, Ray should give him a call. Ray tells him to “shove it”. Abyss laughs.

The World Tag Team Champions Magnus and Samoa Joe make their way out to the ring, as it’s time to find out who their opponents are for the night. Christopher Daniels and Kazarian make their way out next, followed by Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson. And, because he has to be out last, Hulk Hogan finally makes his way out. As everyone else is in the ring, he stays on the stage to make his announcement. He wants everyone to know that the atmosphere for Open Fight Night is even wilder in the back than it has been for everyone out here, brother. This decision for the title match has been his toughest decision of the night. Basically, he says he doesn’t like Kazarian and Daniels, but at the same time, Anderson and Hardy can’t work together. Much like Kurt Angle turning face, since when? Anyway, because of this, um, logic?, Hogan says that Anderson and Hardy get the title match. Oh, and in case you weren’t sure it was Open Fight Night, Hogan has said it about 812 times during this broadcast.

MATCH 5-World Tag Team Championship: Champions Magnus and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson
Taz just referred to this as “Crash TV”. I thought Vince Russo left? Joe starts off with Anderson, backs him into the corner and punches him down. Anderson returns the favor before tripping Joe for 2. Anderson with an arm wringer as Hardy asks for a tag. Anderson ignores it, allowing Joe to tag in Magnus. Anderson tags in Hardy by shoving him. Magnus with a punch and some corner kicks. Hardy catches a headscissors out of the corner and a reverse enziguri for 2. Hardy with an arm wringer as he tags in Anderson. The challengers try a double-team, but Magnus fights them both off and tags in Joe. Joe comes in and runs into a back elbow from Anderson as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, Joe is back in control. He throws Anderson to his corner and tags in Magnus. Magnus runs into a trip by Anderson, who turns it into a side headlock. Hardy tags in, hits an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop and a seated dropkick. Magnus rolls to the outside, and Hardy follows. Joe manages to level Hardy with a clothesline on the outside as Magnus rolls back in the ring. Joe rolls Hardy into the ring for a 2 by Magnus. Joe tags in, and the champions hit the inverted atomic drop/bit boot/running senton series for 2. Joe with a headbutt before throwing Hardy to the corner. Hardy gets his elbow up on a charge, then blows Whisper in the Wind (as always), taking Joe down. Anderson and Magnus both tag in. Anderson hits a clothesline, a back elbow and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Anderson goes for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Joe charges at him. Anderson drops Magnus and hits Joe with a clothesline. Anderson charges in at Magnus, but Magnus sidesteps, sending Anderson to the floor. Hardy sends Magnus to the floor. Joe hits Hardy with a powerslam for 2, even though neither are legal. Joe picks Hardy up, but Hardy hits a sit-out jawbreaker and the Twist of Fate. Outside the ring, Magnus sends Anderson into the stairs. Hardy gets distracted and nails Magnus with a running clothesline from the apron. Anderson slides back in the ring and goes for the Mic Check. Joe reverses, but Anderson reverses as well into a roll-up. Joe turns the roll-up into the Kokina Clutch, and Anderson taps out.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Magnus and Samoa Joe. At least the right team went over here. Considering what company this is, it wouldn’t have surprised me if Hardy and Anderson won the belts and then held them for the next two years. As the champs are making their way back up the ramp, they’re attacked by Daniels and Kazarian.

Ric Flair’s going-away party for Eric Bischoff is up next. Because it would be stupid to have a match close the show when a Flair/Bischoff party has been promised. Ratings!

They’ve laid out the red canvas in the ring, and filled it with a random fancy chair, a podium and a picture of Eric Bischoff on an easel. Ric Flair comes out, flanked by Bully Ray, Gunner, Kazarian and Christopher Daniels. The camera zooms in on Ray’s face for some reason, and he’s starting to look really old. Flair says we’re here tonight not to mourn, but to celebrate, and no one alive knows how to celebrate more than him. Google him. That’s his wife’s favorite line, apparently. We’re celebrating Eric Bischoff tonight. If you have any knowledge of this sport, Eric has been a major impact player, no pun intended. More stupid “na na na na” chants. And people wonder why Flair doesn’t like wrestling fans. They are the rudest people he’s ever met. And now, a man who has impacted TNA Wrestling more than anyone, Mr. Eric Bischoff. As Eric comes out, I notice that his name on his entrance “video” has been blurred, despite the fact that they’ve been saying and showing his name uncensored Ad nauseum all night.

Eric takes his seat in the fancy chair. Flair says he needs to tell Eric what Eric has meant to him, as well as to the other men in the ring and the hundreds who have worked for him. Dixie Carter should be on her knees thanking Eric for the day he came to him. Even though Flair doesn’t like Hogan, Eric is the reason Hogan is here, and more importantly, he’s the reason Flair’s here. These gentlemen here all know what Eric’s done for them as individuals. Flair asks if there are any women in the audience who want to go home and sleep with Eric tonight, meaning he wants to give one of them the poster. Flair then thanks everyone, and hopes everyone knows and appreciates what Eric has done in this business. Gunner then grabs the microphone. He says it’s a sad day for all of us. Eric’s been like a father figure to him and has given him nothing but opportunities. Flair then presents Eric with a gift on behalf of everyone in the ring. It’s a Rolex watch. Bully Ray says he’s never admitted this to another man before, but Eric is the wind beneath his wings. Ray then hugs Eric as Daniels fake cries.

Garett Bischoff’s music hits, and he comes out with Jeremy Borash, Austin Aries, the Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam. He says JB has a really good idea. If this is really Eric’s last night, they all wanted to pitch in and get him a farewell gift. Again, the crowd is so into Garett, they’re chanting “RVD! RVD!” Borash says that, although Eric’s Rolex is nice, they have something more symbolic. Tonight, they’d like induct him into the “TNA Shed of Shame”. We see SoCal Val somewhere else in the arena by a curtain, and the curtain pulls back to reveal a yellow port-a-John. The heels and faces begin brawling as Garett grabs his dad in a headlock and drags him to the toilet, where Borash opens the door and helps shove Eric in. They lock a chain around it as Garett pretends that the crowd gives a flying damn about him. Borash and Garett then push the toilet over, and we see a puddle of poop below where it was sitting, because poop=comedy. Eric manages to climb out, and he’s covered in more poop, making things so much more hilarious.

End of show.

What’s left to say, Mama Walton?

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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TNA Lockdown 2012 is in the books and not a whole lot has changed across the Impact Wrestling landscape. A show full of cage matches was a two half show with the second half saving the show from being labeled a huge disappointment.

I rarely watch TNA pay per view shows but I did catch Lockdown. I love a good steel cage match as much as anyone, I just don’t need to see two-three hours worth of cage matches. However, there is an intrigue here that usually ropes me in. According to past buyrates, it appears a great majority of wrestling fans feel that way.

Bobby Roode retained the championship in a really great main-event over James Storm. I have become a big Roode fan over the last several months. He really seems to have the “it” factor when it comes to being a world champion. He has great promos, good-great matches, and nice chemistry with most of his opponents. You can’t ask for much more in a champion.

They pulled a similar finish to the old Superfly Snuka vs. Magnificent Muraco cage match from Madison Square Garden. The impact of a Storm super kick sent Roode flying through the cage door to the floor. Roode won the match at this point. I really liked the match a lot and would highly recommend getting the show on this and the Angle vs. Hardy match.

I have read a mixed reaction online as to the finish. It appears that there was quite a groundswell of support in seeing Storm take the title. In my opinion, I think that would be a huge mistake. I think TNA has something going with Roode. I would rather let them ride it out than make the title switch at this point. I don’t have any issue with Storm going over later on, but I still think this feud has legs with Roode as champion.

In the match of the night, Jeff Hardy defeated Kurt Angle in a cage match. Angle recently announced he had a blown out knee and bad hamstring, which will keep him out of the Olympic trials. Angle miraculously showed up for the match. Hardy blocked an Angle Slam and went to the top rope. Hardy winds up hitting a Swanton off the top of the cage for the pin.

In the big angle of the night, Eric Bischoff has been banished from TNA Wrestling. Well, at least on paper. I have grown to absolutely despise loser leaves town stipulations in pro wrestling anymore because nobody ever adheres to them. I could be wrong but I think the last time anyone truly left for a long period of time would be when John Cena pinned Chris Jericho and Jericho took a long hiatus. Unless someone is really leaving the company, don’t cheat your fans. It waters down future stipulations and kills the gimmick when you need it. Garett Bischoff pinned his father in the opening match to win the match and send Eric packing.

That is the other pet peeve I have right now watching TNA Wrestling. I am sure Garett Bischoff is a very nice kid. But this reminds me of watching guys like Steve Austin, Arn Anderson, and Bobby Eaton putting over a very green Erik Watts back in the old WCW days. It is way too soon for the push and everyone knows it. It became comical by the end of the match watching Garett portrayed as the star here when you have guys like AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Bully Ray, and Rob Van Dam in the ring.

Finally, they teased a big spot with Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair. They had words back and forth on the show. TNA is already advertising a major Hogan announcement for the TNA Impact Wrestling tapings. It could be something to do with the angle he did with Flair Sunday night.

Full TNA Lockdown 2012 results & winners…(All Steel Cage Matches)
Team Garett (Garett Bischoff (Captain), A.J. Styles, Austin Aries, Mr. Anderson and Rob Van Dam) defeated Team Eric (Eric Bischoff (Captain), Gunner, Bully Ray, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) in a Lethal Lockdown match; If Team Eric wins, Garett must leave TNA. If Team Garett wins, Eric must leave TNA and renounce his name
Magnus and Samoa Joe defeated The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin) for the TNA World Tag Team Championship
Devon defeated Robbie E (with Rob Terry) to retain the TNA Television Championship
Gail Kim defeated Velvet Sky to retain the TNA Women’s Knockouts Championship
Crimson defeated Matt Morgan
Jeff Hardy defeated Kurt Angle
ODB and Eric Young defeated Sarita and Rosita to retain the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship
Bobby Roode defeated James Storm to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship

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Welcome to the 4-12-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. Before I get into tonight’s show, I have to do a bit of a cheap plug for myself. In addition to CCB and the other sites I am currently writing for, I am now a WWE correspondent for Sportskeeda.com. My first article is already up, taking a look at Smackdown!’s latest acquisition, Ryback. Check it out, and feedback is always welcome.

Tonight is the “go home” edition of Impact, as Lockdown takes place this Sunday. Now, I don’t ever order TNA PPVs, ever, but after seeing this card, I gotta say…yeah, I’m still not ordering any TNA PPVs. Team Garett vs. Team Eric in “Lethal Lockdown”? Thanks, but I’d rather have screws drilled into my toes.

Heading into the Impact Zone is the aforementioned Eric Bischoff. He points at some fat guy, calling him a “piece of crap” and asking if he ate his way in here. That is just so clever. He’s got some business to take care of, and he’s going to do it right now. Hulk Hogan and his kid are feeling really good about themselves. For once, I actually agree with an Impact Zone chant, as the crowd is chanting “We don’t care!” What Hogan and Garett don’t understand is that the name Eric Bischoff will live on after everyone is dead and gone. He will be a legacy in this business, and his name will live on. Last week, when Hogan questioned his leadership ability. With a snap of his finger, Eric was able to put together the most devastating team “this history has ever seen.” I think you mean “industry”, f**knut. Bischoff then introduces his team to the crowd. You can pretty much predict who his team is, but just in case, it’s Bully Ray, Christopher Daniels, Gunner and Kazarian. Ray continues his stupid shtick by asking the crowd if they know who Eric Bischoff is. Chances are, half of them don’t. Ray says he’s proud to stand next to Bischoff and go to war for him, but as great of a man as Bischoff is, he’s made one mistake. He’s going to call Bischoff out on the mistake right now, and that mistake is his bastard son. Bischoff knows Ray will take care of that at Lockdown, and he knows what the stakes are. One team will have a one-man advantage, and tonight, we’ll have a best-of-3 series to determine that advantage. He knows Gunner is ready and will take anyone down his punk-ass kid can bring, so let’s start things now.

Garett Bischoff makes his way onto the stage. It looks like his dad has been really hard at work. The team is lined up and ready to go, which is good. He hopes his dad has chosen wisely, because he’s going to need it (??). As it turns out, he’s got his team lined up as well, and they are chomping at the bit to destroy Eric’s team. One of those guys is chomping worse than the others, so let’s introduce him now.

And, of course, Garett proves he’s the biggest dumbass in the Bischoff family by choosing Mr. Anderson. Anderson/Gunner is up next. God help us.

MATCH 1-Lethal Lockdown Best-of-3 Series, Part 1: Gunner vs. Mr. Anderson
The match has already started when we come back from the break. Anderson is punching Gunner in the corner. Anderson with a kick, some punches and some stomps to send Gunner down in the corner. Gunner suckers him in, tripping him into the second turnbuckle. Gunner rakes the forehead, where Anderson has a bandage from his boo-boo last week. Gunner rakes his nails across Anderson’s back before punching him a few times. He goes to lawn dart Anderson into the ring post, but Anderson slides out and sends Gunner into the post. Gunner goes into the guardrail a couple of times. Anderson punches him before Gunner rolls back into the ring. Anderson hits a back elbow. He goes for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Gunner slides out and gets a schoolboy with a handful of tights for 2. Anderson hits a clothesline and a few elbows. Oooh! You can watch Lockdown in a movie theater! 1985 called and it wants its brand new concept back. Gunner hits a weak clothesline out of the corner before punching Anderson in the head. Workrate! Anderson gets sent face-first into the turnbuckles. Gunner grinds his shin into Anderson’s face. Anderson goes for a waistlock. Gunner reverses and turns it into a horribly botched schoolboy for 2. How in the hell do you botch a schoolboy? Anderson with a right hand to the face. They trade some blows. Gunner hits a knee to the midsection and corner whips him. Anderson sidesteps, sending Gunner shoulder-first into the post. Anderson throws him into the post once more before sending him to an adjacent corner and punching him down. Anderson goes for a foot choke and won’t break it, resulting in a DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Mr. Anderson. Anderson stomps Gunner a few more times before raising his arm in a mock victory. Just hilarious.

We’ve got a dumbass wedding in a cage tonight, and a final confrontation between Roode and Storm before the PPV. A wedding in a cage between two people hardly anyone gives a tinker’s damn about? This is going to be a ratings bonanza.

Eric Young is in the locker room, checking himself out in a mirror, wearing a blue tux and Coke bottle glasses. Joseph Abyss walks in and introduces himself. Apparently, he’s an attorney, as asks Young to think about signing a pre-nup. Abyss asks where his brother Abyss has been. Young mentions something about Immortal, saying start with them. Abyss gives him his business card before telling him good luck.

The are in the ring. Chris Sabin says that, if there’s one thing he’s learned about wrestling, it’s not tMotor City Machine Gunshe size of the man that matters, but the size of his heart. Injuries have plagued the Guns, but that’s over with, and they’re looking towards the future, that being Samoa Joe and Magnus. Alex Shelley says they’ve been teaming for 6 years while Joe and Magnus have been teaming for 6 months. Joe and Magnus beat the “dynamic duo” of Crimson and Matt Morgan for the titles, two guys whose best maneuver was rubbing each other with baby oil before their matches. The Guns have competed all over the world, and they’ve beaten Beer Money and Team 3-D multiple times. At the PPV, the champs aren’t wrestling Curry Man and Shark Boy; they’re wrestling one of the best teams in the world, and that team will take the titles this Sunday.

The champs make their way out. Mike Tenay calls them “the team of the moment”, which is actually pretty insulting when you think about. Good job, “Professor”. Magnus calls the Guns one of the most impressive teams ever, and says Sabin has guts and his respect for coming back from such a serious injury. It’s not about the best team ever; it’s about the best team today, and the Guns are looking at them. At Lockdown, the two best teams on the planet will see who is the best of the best and who really deserves to be the champions. The Guns look ready, and the champs are always ready. If they don’t want to wait, they can do it right now.

Just as the two teams are about to brawl, we’re interrupted by Mexican America. Anarquia has a microphone. Someone rip his throat out now. He says that they were champions for six months, and are left out of the equation. They only have one thing left to say. They go to attack the other two teams, but both teams beat the hell out of Anarquia. Jesus, that man is worthless. Where in the name of Davey Crockett’s sweat-stained buckskins did TNA find Anarquia anyway? You’re welcome, Angry Beavers fans.

MATCH 2-Lethal Lockdown Best-of-3 Series, Part 2: Christopher Daniels vs. World X-Division Champion Austin Aries (non-title)
Garett Bischoff choosing Austin Aries for his team still doesn’t redeem his dumbass-ness, no matter how great Aries is. Lock up turns into a headlock by Aries to start. Daniels reverses into an arm wringer. Aries flips out of it and goes back to the headlock. Daniels tries for a back suplex, but Aries flips out of it and goes back to the headlock. Daniels backs Aries into the corner and hits a few shoulder thrusts before going for his own headlock. Daniels with a punch, but he runs into an armdrag from Aries. Low dropkick by Aries before he does a corner taunt. Jumping back elbow in the corner by Aries. Aries goes up top off another elbow, but Daniels hits the ropes, crotching him. An uppercut by Daniels sends Aries to the mat. Daniels with a hard corner whip, sending Aries back down to the mat. Suplex by Daniels gets 1. Daniels locks in a cobra clutch, which he turns into a backbreaker submission. Aries knees his way out, but Daniels stays on offense and pitches Aries to the floor. Daniels tries a split-legged moonsault to the floor, but Aries moves out of the way, gets in the ring and hits a suicide dive. Aries gets Daniels on the apron and slams him into the turnbuckles. Aries gets back in the ring and hits a rolling elbow. Handspring elbow drop gets 2. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but Daniels backs him into the corner. Daniels charges in, but Aries gets his legs up and turns the move into a sunset flip for 2. Daniels with a roll-up for 2. He’s got the trunks, but the referee sees it. Aries reverses and tries the same thing, but the referee also sees that. Daniels gets back up and hits a standing uranage. He goes up top for the BME, but Aries rolls out of the way. Daniels lands on his feet. Aries gets his feet up on a corner charge, goes up top and hits a missile dropkick. Corner dropkick by Aries, and he follows up with a vicious brainbuster for 3.

WINNER: Austin Aries. Aries has now tied the series 1-1. You know, if TNA could put on matches like this on a regular basis, and give us characters like Daniels and Aries that we actually care about, they might be a viable promotion. But no, that would take away too much attention from the Bischoff family and their friends.

We see the cage for the wedding being set up. Jeff Hardy is making his way down to the ring to talk. You know, setting up a cage for a wedding might just be on the list of the top five stupidest things this company has ever done. Hardy says this all started when Kurt Angle cost him the world title, and it’s all going to end inside a steel cage. There’s nowhere to run. This Sunday, we will make history. This Sunday, we’re going to hurt each other. It’s inevitable, and he loves it. CREATURES! Yes, that’s how he ended the promo. You know, if TNA wanted to give us nonsensical drivel, they could kept Scott Steiner on the payroll. At least his nonsense was funny.

We get a promo from James Storm, screaming at Bobby Roode. He’s flanked by the fatasses from last week. Apparently, Nashville is Storm’s town. Fatasses call Roode a candy ass and hope TNA will let them in the cage after the match. You know, William Shatner challenging Jerry Lawler to a fight on RAW was more believable than this crap.

We see Eric Young in a locker room, muttering to himself. Rosita and Sarita have on their best whore paint as they join him, wearing bathrobes and stockings. They’re telling him he hasn’t thought this through, as once he sticks the ring on ODB’s finger, it’s all over. They flash him some big’uns before he turns them down, saying he loves ODB. I’m guessing they’re trying to seduce him for some reason related to the Knockouts Tag Team titles, but it’s never specified here, rendering the segment completely useless. I know, I know. Eric Young in a useless segment? The hell, you say?

We’re back from commercials, and there’s a “minister” standing behind a camouflage podium, and the tag belts are in the ring on a table for absolutely no reason. Eric Young makes his way out. ODB makes her way out next to her own entrance music because, you know, that’s never been done before. ODB has a camouflage dress on. Wonderful. SoCal Val locks them in the cage. Why? They go through all the usual wedding crap you see in pretty much every wrestling wedding. Before the vows, we get a video the couple has prepared. It’s a stupid highlight video, showing all of the stupid crap that’s been done through this godforsaken angle, in case it wasn’t annoying enough for you the first time. Oh, great. They’ve prepared their own vows. Young’s involve him caring about her even when she farts. Farting=comedy. Something about her rubbing his feet. Tag partner in wrestling and life. Yada, yada, yada. This is an exercise in sadomasochism. ODB won’t take Young’s last name, but will take his ring music. Huh? Oh, and she’ll slap his ass, too. Buffet of “Bammm!” anytime he wants. She means coitus. Hilarious.

Before the minister can ask them if they’re ready to be married, Rosita and Sarita make their way down. They tried to show Young what a real woman is, but he ran away. Would he like to marry a skank, or have a taste of the best tag team in the division. Rosita then does a pathetic strip tease as Sarita is verbally getting an orgasm. Sarita, you do remember she’s supposed to be your cousin, right? Rosita says Young hasn’t grasped the opportunity he has. Sarita than does an even less sexy strip tease as ODB is crying. ODB says she doesn’t have what the “Latinas” have, but they don’t have what she has either. ODB takes her dress off, revealing her camouflage underwear. Who knew three women could make wearing next to nothing so unattractive? Young takes her hand, saying he knows what will make this wedding perfect. Take a wild guess what he does next? If you guessed stripping to his underwear and exposing us to his awesome bacne, congratulations. ODB then tells the minister to strip as the morons in the crowd are chanting “Take it off!” I never thought I could hate this company more than I do right now. They put the rings on each other, say their “I dos”, and they are now married. They proceed to dry-hump in the ring.

Backstage, we see Ric Flair yelling at Bully Ray, saying they need a win from him. Hulkamania has to end. And…that’s pretty much it.

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Bully Ray vs. a mystery opponent is up next.

Wow. Outside of Anthrax, the Rockstar Mayhem Festival looks worse than ever this year.

We see Bobby Roode in the back, flanked by his “security”. He has no problem with one last face-to-face with James Storm tonight. This isn’t just business; it’s personal now, and he has no problem with personal.

MATCH 3-Lethal Lockdown Best-of-3 Series, Part 3: Bully Ray (w/Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair and Team Eric) vs. AJ Styles (w/Team Garett)
Looks like Garett himself is the final member of his team. Because he deserves to main event the biggest PPV of the year. Styles goes for a lock-up, but Ray immediately goes between the ropes. They finally lock up after about a minute, with Ray backing Styles into a corner. Ray misses a punch, allowing Styles to fire one off. Ray gets Styles in a waistlock. He gets Styles in the corner again, and they do the same sequence they just did. Styles with a kick to the ribs and a side headlock. Ray counters into a back suplex. A punch by Ray, followed by an elbow to the back of the head. Criss-cross segment, ending in a dropkick by Styles. Styles tries to clothesline Ray over the top rope, but can’t do it. Ray back drops Styles on a second attempt, but Styles lands on his feet on the apron. Ray boots him in the face, sending him to the floor. Ray pulls him back up and hip tosses him into the ring. Ray with a bearhug. Styles eventually breaks free, but runs into a back body drop. Ray tries for a splash off the ropes, but Styles rolls out of the way. Styles gets back up, and they trade several blows. Styles takes Ray down with a clothesline off the ropes, followed by a jumping corner clothesline. Styles tries for a tornado DDT, but Ray throws him off before catching him in a Samoan drop for 2. Ray goes to the middle rope. Styles quickly kips up and hits a super hurricanrana for 2. I love how Tenay said “You don’t see this very often” when Ray climbed to the middle turnbuckle, despite the fact he’s been doing it in nearly every match for the better part of 20 years. Styles bounces off the ropes, but Kazarian trips him up. This leads to a brawl between the two teams. Back in the ring, Styles hits the Pele, but only gets 2. Behind the referee’s back, Eric Bischoff throws the chain wallet to Ray. Styles comes off the ropes with the Superman, but Ray decks him with the chain. The ref turns around just in time to count the 3.

WINNER: Bully Ray. As Team Eric is celebrating, Hulk Hogan’s music hits. He makes his way to the top of the ramp and stops to congratulate Eric on the victory. However, he’s got some news for Eric. The match will now be 5 on 5 instead of 4 on 4. Hogan is going to give Eric about 3 minutes to tell him who the fifth member of Team Eric is. Hey, that’s just about enough time to get through a commercial break! What a coincidence!

Back from the break, Team Garett and Hogan are in the ring. Eric’s time is up. Flair is trying to get in the ring, but Daniels is holding him back. Eric says he knows Flair could do the job, as he also knows Hogan is the 5th member. He has a favor to ask of Flair-let Eric be the 5th man and the rest of the team do the job, so he can stand over Hogan when they finish him off. Hogan says he hates to disappoint, but he’s taking the GM position really seriously, so he won’t be in the match. He told Garett a few days ago he was going to change the number of men in the match, and Garett has an idea of who the 5th man for Team Garett is going to be. As the crowd chants “We want Sting”, Garett instead announces the 5th man is Rob Van Dam. Well, at least it was better than Nick Hogan or David Flair, who I could have easily seen TNA going with because they’re morons. I guess Nick was busy turning another close friend into a vegetable that day.

In case you haven’t figured out that you’re supposed to care about Storm/Roode at Lockdown after the countless video packages for the match, we’re treated to yet another one. The best part? TNA censors the word “ass” like it’s the most vile word on the planet, yet are perfectly fine with James Storm using the word “bullsh*t” with no censorship in this video.

MATCH 4: Knockouts Champion Gail Kim and Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James and Velvet Sky
The two ponies start things off as Rayne and James lock up. James cartwheels out, but gets knocked down. James hits a dropkick before taking a boot to the head. Kim tags in and runs into a flapjack. Sky tags in, but Kim runs back to her corner to tag Rayne back in. Rayne schoolgirls her for 2. Sky hits some chops to the chest and a snapmare as James makes the blind tag. James hits a low dropkick for 2 off the snapmare. Kim clubs her from behind, allowing Rayne to get 2. Kim tags back in and hits some European uppercuts. Jumping clothesline off the ropes gets 2. Rayne back in, and they hit a double corner whip. Kim whips Rayne into James in the corner, which connects. However, when Rayne does it to Kim, James moves out of the way, sending Kim into the ring post and to the floor. Sky tags in, and somehow, Kim falling to the floor made her the legal woman for her team. Sky whips her down after she gets back in the ring. Back elbow and shoulderblock by Sky. Sky has been watching Kelly Kelly too much, as she hits a screaming headscissors. Sky hits a bulldog for 2, but the pin is broken up by Rayne. Sky hits a weak DDT on Rayne. Kim tries to run, but James throws her back in the ring. Sky goes for In Yo Face, but Kim shoves her off. Kim tries for Eat Defeat, but Sky counters into In Yo Face for 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Velvet Sky.

The Storm/Roode confrontation is next, because this show needed more talking tonight.

Storm makes his way out, wearing a white jacket with a huge glittery cross on the back. It’s a sweet look. Roode makes his way out, surrounded by his “security”. These are totally not local indy wrestlers and are instead legitimate security guys. I’m sure of it. Storm says that, over the last couple weeks, they’ve done a lot of yelling at each other. What happened to the days when we could just talk? He tells a story about them discussing how it would be cool if one of them won the World title one day. Together, they were 4-time World Tag Team Champions, and the longest reigning champions in the history of the company. They traveled the world, entertained millions (?), kicked a lot of butt and drank a lot of beer. Roode won’t pretend Beer Money never existed. They had a lot of success and were one of the greatest teams in the business. Being a part of it was not only one of the proudest moments in his career, but in his life. Pointless “You sold out” chant. He recalls last year, when they both put their names into the BFG series, and they did pretty good. Both ended up in the final four, with Storm facing Bully Ray and Roode facing Gunner. Roode beat Gunner, with Storm losing to Ray. Roode beat Ray later that night, sending him to Bound For Glory against Kurt Angle for the World title. Meanwhile, Storm sat in the back, twiddled his thumbs, drank beer and did nothing. Storm remembers doing something, and that was watching the monitor, watching Roode get beat by Angle. Does Roode remember the next week? He beat Angle in record time. For some reason, they’re not mentioning Angle’s name. Roode does remember it, and he remembers Storm’s reign was so short. Two weeks later, he beat Roode for the belt in Macon, GA. That night, Roode became the “IT Factor” and the leader of “The Selfish Generation”. Storm remembers it, because Roode hit him with a beer bottle, destroyed the team’s legacy, and destroyed a friendship. Roode tells him to cut the bullsh*t (censored this time. Figure that out). They were never friends. 10 years ago when they met, they hated each other. They became a team for the chance at success, nothing else. They hated each other, and the stories from the road were all B.S. From day one, Storm has been jealous of Roode. Where Storm comes from, family and friends still mean something. You don’t sell your friends out for money, and that’s what Roode did. Storm does this for the love of the sport and the fans. Storms superkick leg is getting tired from this trip down memory lane, so let’s skip history class. In three days, they step in the cage and beat the hell out of each other, in Nashville, Storm’s home. Roode doesn’t give a damn about all of that, especially Storm’s hillbilly life and redneck kids. Storm walks around like a big shot, like some big star. Storm says Roode will need a miracle to crawl out of the cage. Roode is sick of hearing “Sorry about your damn luck”. Storm will need all the luck he can get at Lockdown. And, considering his history with his two dead brothers and dead fathers, he has no luck. They go nose-to-nose as the show goes off the air.

End of show.

Roode’s half of the closing promo was good. Aries/Daniels was awesome. Everything else was like someone twisted your head off and spiked it on the floor of a nightmare you can’t even imagine (RIP Chris Farley).

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

WWE WrestleMania 28 DVD

WWE: WrestleMania XXVIII [Blu-ray]

The Epic Journey of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

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Well, WrestleMania 28 emanating this year from Miami, Florida, has come and gone with the event being analyzed, and dissected. It was preceded by the 2012 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony which occurred the night before the “Granddaddy of them all.” Of course, as most fans know, the week preceding all this consisted of WrestleMania related events such as Fan Axxess, Celebrity Golf, and all sorts of things for the fans and WWE Superstars to do. Every year, it is a great Super Bowl/Kentucky Derby like atmosphere.

I have attended six WrestleManias in a row. My first one was WrestleMania 20 in New York’s prestigious Madison Square Garden, and I attended every single one after that, all the way up to WrestleMania 25 in Houston, Texas. Due to some personal stuff, I skipped WrestleManias 26 and 27. My favorite Mania that I attended was probably either 22 or 24. The others were fun shows. I wound up in 9th row ringside for Mania 22 because the seat I bought on Ebay somehow got blocked off. It was cool though. I got to see one of my favorite Mania matches up close: Foley vs Edge in a street fight. Great match. Of course, Mania 24 had the “Retirement” match for Flair against HBK, and it was great to see Edge headline Mania, being the Edgehead that I am. Of course, I would later regret not finding a way to attend WrestleMania 27, after what happened with him, so when he was announced as a Hall of Fame Inductee (which he so rightly deserved), I sure as hell was going to go to this year’s Mania, no matter what it took.

So, here is my blog about my WrestleMania 28 experience, at my 7th WrestleMania. The first part will be about my attending the Hall of Fame. The second part will be about the PPV itself. Enjoy.

Well, despite some personal travel issues that I won’t get into, I arrived in Miami on Friday evening. It was a very long drive from Lexington, KY. I had not driven that long (over 17 hours) for a long time, but it was interesting seeing all these religious signs in Florida, and then seeing a huge billboard for Adult Entertainment . I was like, “OK. ” Anyway, I drove around downtown Miami on Friday night. I saw the Intercontinental Hotel where the wrestlers were staying. I then went back to my hotel for the night.

On Saturday, I parked at the Intercontinental, and while driving, I nearly ran over Vickie Guerrero. Good thing I was paying attention. Anyway, I saw a couple of people I knew and they told me what jerks the hotel staff were being. The hotel was on lockout for security reasons. Anyway, I got to see another of my friends. I took some photos of the wrestlers leaving, and I got to hang with a girlfriend who was staying at the hotel. The guard was a little testy but he let me hang on the steps of the hotel. Well, I run into Harley Race. I told him I just wanted to shake his hand and say hello. He was very nice. I saw Mick Foley leaving, and a couple of others, including DDP leaving. Didn’t say anything though.

Now here is something interesting: I saw this short woman with Harley Race. She looked like Judy Copeland, Adam “Edge” Copeland’s mom. I asked her if she was her, and she said yes. I introduce myself, and she said “Oh you’re Terri, I mean “Teffy.” (Now, before I continue: There is an awesome site called EdgeUniversity.net. It is run by my friend, Terry aka “Teffy” , so Edge’s mom got me mixed up with Terry.)I said, “No. My name is Terri Bey.” Judy said, “Oh , Terri Bey. I know you also. From Facebook.” I said, “Yes. That’s right. I run a group called ‘Don’t Hate Edge.’” Judy then told I think it was Harley’s wife that she (Judy) knew me because Randy Copeland (one of Adam’s uncles) told her about me as Randy and I are friends on Facebook. She also knew me as the person who gave Adam photos of him and Umaga all dressed up alike.

On a January 18, 2009 house show in Lexington, KY, Edge painted himself ala Umaga by drawing “Canada” on his belly, and painting the Canadian Flag on his face and having his hair pinned up ala Gene Simmons. It took two years, but I finally gave Edge the photos at a Lexington KY house show on January 8, 2011. He came around the ring slapping hands and I gave them to him. We had a short conversation, and the last words he said was “Thank you.” I found out later that he loved them, and showed them to everyone. He apparently did. Anyway, I told Judy how I admired her son, etc. So , Judy and I chatted for awhile. I met Matt Copeland, who also was in my Facebook group for a time, who is a cousin of Adam’s, and a guy named Mike who is one of Adam’s college buddies and Matt, Judy, Mike and I took a group photo. I then hung out with Judy for awhile. We went shopping at the local drug store as she needed some stuff. We talked about all sorts of subjects , and such. I really had a great time with her. After she went inside, I got to shake hands with Johnny Ace, and Teddy Long. I got to shake hands and talk to William Regal as well. All great guys.

After all this, I went to this open air mall which charged ten bucks to park for the Hall of Fame. It was not a bad price considering that the American Airlines Arena was about 2 blocks away or so. I had dinner at Chilli’s. I then slipped into the ladies room, and got into a nice dress. I went to the Arena, and took photos of the Stars showing up. I took a lot of photos. Most of the stars and Divas looked great, especially Jericho, Punk, and Beth Phoenix. Lita looked great also. I go inside, and the prices that the concessions stands want for food is out of this world. I was sitting in section 323. It was not all that bad. Even though I was pinching pennies, I didn’t care. I was there to support my hero, and a wrestler, I consider one of the very best to put on the tights, Edge.

My review of the show itself:

Of course, before the show started, there were the fans with the dueling chants, “Let’s Go Cena. Cena Sucks.” and “Yes. Yes. Yes.” and all that. There were fans wearing WWE gear to a Hall of Fame ceremony like always. I was like “What part of business dress don’t these fans understand?” The WWE Stars and Divas arrived, and fans cheered and booed them. Cena brings in this nice looking older woman whom I am guessing is his mother, and fans STILL booed.

Anyway, we have the video introductions, and Jerry Lawler comes out as host. Overall, this was one of the best Hall of Fame Ceremonies I have attended. I attended the ceremonies for Manias 21 through 25. This one is about the best. Great speeches for the most part.

Kicking off the inductions was John Bradshaw Layfield to induct his partner and friend Ron Simmons. JBL’s speech is worth listening to alone. Great job when he talked about Simmons as his friend, and Simmons being the first African American wrestler to win the World Title , and how Simmons was a pioneer. JBL talked about how a WWE writer wanted the APA to be racially divided, and he said no because the two were friends. Great speech, the best of the inductors.

Ron Simmons came out to a good pop. He talked about his career, and such. He was very moved by the honor. He thanked his wife for taking care of his injuries and being there for him emotionally. She stood up, and he ended the speech with his trademark, “Damn.” Good speech to start off the ceremony.

Alberto Del Rio then came on to induct Mil Mascaras (A Thousand Masks). Del Rio talked about Mascaras’ influence on him and his family, etc.

Well, and I understand that English is not Mascaras’ native tongue, but I think I would have enjoyed the speech if the man had an interpreter. I don’t see why Del Rio could not have stayed to translate for Mascaras. I think the speech would have gone a lot better is what I am trying to say. Mascaras did seem very honored though.

Surprising, out came Dusty Rhodes, as only he can, to induct the Four Horsemen. Rhodes was awesome. He sounded like a preacher in his praise for the Four Horsemen. I loved it.

Out came the Four Horsemen to a huge pop. The lineup that was inducted was Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard (who just lost his father the week prior), and Barry Wyndham, Jr, along with manager, J.J. Dillon. Great speeches from all four horsemen. Flair kicked it off first, and spoke about how he loved the business, and talked about his career, and his children, and such. Flair started crying, and cried throughout the speech. He told some stories as well. He had his kids stand up. Tully Blanchard spoke, and talked about his father who passed on, and talked about his kids who did not know about this (the wrestling) part of his life. Blanchard’s speech was awesome. Barry Wyndham said that it was an honor just to be inducted, and just spoke briefly. Arn Anderson spoke last. He talked about the future wrestlers, and current wrestlers being the caretakers of the business. He talked about how he is proud of being in the business. Arn’s speech was really great.

My personal comment: I don’t know if it was a TNA thing or what, but I think the Horsemen should have gone on later, right before the headliner. I would not have put them in the middle of the ceremony, as I think they are way too important to wrestling, but that is just me.

The next one to be inducted was Mike Tyson. Out came his inductors, Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels and “The Game” Triple H, acting as DX. This was hilarious. I enjoyed this a lot. Triple H was cutting up on poor Shawn Michaels about Mike Tyson punching him (Michaels) out at WrestleMania 14. Shawn took a jab saying that “He (Michaels) was better than him (Triple H).” The whole thing is very funny. I really loved it.

Mike Tyson comes out, and honestly, I don’t remember much about this speech. Tyson was all over the place. I understood Mascaras better. Seriously. Tyson said something about Owen Hart or something. I was wondering if Tyson was on something. Tyson kept moving around also, so I had a hard time hearing him. The sound was terrible for everyone, but this was nuts. I just hated Tyson’s speech.

My personal comment: It was cool that DX did the inducting, but I thought Stone Cold would have been a better choice as it was Tyson who by the way of his counting down Michaels, helped to usher in the Stone Cold Era.

For Yokozuna, a bunch of relatives such as Rakishi, Yokozuna’s widow, and the Uso’s , in a very emotional moment inducted him into the Hall of Fame. They talked about how even though he was this big huge guy, he was a kind man with a big heart. It was very touching.

My personal comment: It is so sad to see a posthumous induction. Eddie Guerrero’s was so sad as well. Heartbreaking. Even though, I am not sure that Yokozuna , from a wrestling standpoint, would be what I call a Hall of Famer, if WWE thinks he is, well, who am I to say he isn’t. It is sad to see him die so young.

Well, NOW we come to the grand finale. Out comes Christian to inducted his long time tag team partner, and best friend of 28 years, EDGE. Christian talks about Edge’s haircut, and such. Christian shows Edge play wrestling in their high school back in Orangeville, Ontario, Canada. Christian then gets very emotional about Edge’s retirement, and about ending things the way he (Edge) wanted to. Finally, Edge comes out and the two embrace for a long time.

Edge gave the best speech of the entire night. It was a heartfelt, and funny speech. I won’t spoil it much so people can enjoy it when it comes out on DVD/Blu Ray, but Edge used Video, and humor. Poor Tommy Dreamer, and Rhyno were put on the spot. Edge thanks a whole bunch of people who helped him, such as his mom, his coaches (Ron Hutchison, and Sweet Daddy Sikki), Christian, Umaga, etc. He thanks his girlfriend Beth (yes it is who you think it is), and thanks the fans. Edge admitted he cried backstage. He ends by thanking the fans, and put up the rock and roll signed and had WWE play “Walk” by The Foo Fighters instead of the sappy music.

My personal comment: I did not cry at all during the speech. After the ceremony, though, I totally lost it. I broke down sobbing. I was crying out of being proud of him for all he had accomplished, out of missing him, out of being proud that he is always going to be my hero, and his deserving to have this honor bestowed on him. Thank you Edge. Thank you for everything.

After the ceremony, I went back to the Intercontinental. I did get to meet Tommy Dreamer, and say hi to Rhyno, and that was about it.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Terri Bey currently blogs for CamelClutchBlog.com about Wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture related subjects. Her work has appeared in BleacherReport and for F4WOnline.com. Terri can be found here at Facebook- http://www.facebook.com/TerriBey and at Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/missedgehead

WWE WrestleMania 28 DVD

WWE: You Think You Know Me? The Story of Edge

WWE: Edge – A Decade of Decadence

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