This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens up with another waste of time…I mean episode of MizTV. His guests are The Big Show and Randy Orton. Orton makes his way out first, followed by Show. Miz reminds them they’re competing in an Extreme Rules Match and says that, because of their issues at WrestleMania, this will be one of the most anticipated matches at ER. I beg to differ. Ambrose/Kofi and Shield/Hell No! will both be much, much better. Miz asks Show about being laid out by the RKO last week, asking if it’s a preview of ER. Show expected a weasel like Miz to make a statement like that. Orton hit the RKO from behind, like the snake in the grass he is. Orton attacked him at WM and last week. At ER, there are no rules. Show can use anything he wants to rip Orton apart. But he doesn’t need weapons like Orton does. In St. Louis, Orton’s hometown, the last thing anyone will remember will be a TKO instead of an RKO. Orton calls Show’s story interesting and entertaining, but the ending is inaccurate. ER does take place in Orton’s hometown, and he’s not letting Show beat him in front of his city. The reason why they’re at each other’s throats is because Orton made the mistake in trusting Show. The only thing anyone is going to remember at ER is how “The Viper” struck down “The Giant”, and if Show’s not careful, he may just not get back up.

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter come out. Zeb says ER will be memorable, but only because Swagger will make Alberto Del Rio say “I quit”. Jack Swagger’s America will become a reality, and he will be the new #1 contender for the World title. Now, it’s ADR’s turn to come out, along with Ricardo Rodriguez. He tells Zeb to shut up. Everyone is tired of hearing Zeb talk, so ADR is making it clear that everyone will remember that he will be the new #1 contender when he makes Swagger quit. As for Zeb, ADR is going to send him back wherever he came from so he never sneaks into ADR’s business again.

Now Mark Henry comes out. I smell a 6-man main event. Henry’s heard all of this talking, and what’s going to be remembered is Henry setting world records by pulling semis. They’re going to remember him beating Sheamus like no one else ever has as well. What people will remember is that he’s the strongest man in the world because that’s what he does. Enter Sheamus. He says the Strap Match will be the most memorable when he leaves Henry’s giant carcass battered and bruised. But why wait until Sunday when they can preview the match right now? Sheamus reveals he’s carrying a strap, and he clears the ring of the heels, last whipping Henry.

After the commercials, lo and behold, Teddy Long comes out. He announces that he’s ready for Extreme Rules, and he’s making a 6-man main event. I, for one, am shocked.

MATCH 1: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins (w/Dean Ambrose) vs. The Usos (Jey and Jimmy)
Rollins and Jimmy start the match with Jimmy on the attack. Jey tags in and throws Rollins into a boot from his brother. Jey hits a forearm off the ropes, but Rollins applies a side headlock. Reigns makes a blind tag, blocks a hip toss and hits a clothesline. Reigns stops Jey in the corner, then whips him. Jey blocks a charge and hits a running hip bump. Jimmy intercepts Rollins, and they brawl on the floor. Jey mule kicks Reigns, but he ducks a jumping side kick and hits a spear for the 3.

WINNERS: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. After the match, The Shield gang-attacks Jey until Kofi Kingston hits the ring. They beat him down and throw him to the outside. Kofi comes back in and clears the ring with a chair.

We see Teddy Long with The Miz in the back, and he tells Miz he’s been missed. Damien Sandow enters the office and says they’d all be better off if Miz had never returned, so people could bask in the glory of a host instead of an ignoramus like Miz. Sandow offers his own talk show segment. Long says he’ll consider it, but right now, he needs to show Long what he can do in the ring tonight against The Miz. You’re welcome.

MATCH 2: Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay and Sweet T, w/The Funkadactyls) vs. The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young)
Clay and Young start the match with Clay on offense. He assaults Young in the corner with right hands and forearms. T tags in, and he hits a combination sidewalk slam/inverted bulldog with Clay. Young rolls to the floor, and T follows, throwing him back in the ring. Titus comes off the apron with a clothesline on T, which allows Young to throw him back in the ring and begin an assault. Titus tags in, hurls Young into T, then nails a clothesline. Titus hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner, then taunts the crowd as he walks to the opposite one. He misses a 3-point stance, and T tags in Clay. Young tags in and runs into a pair of clotheslines, followed by an exploder suplex. Young lands near the corner, where he receives an avalanche. Clay hits a running powerslam for 2 as Titus breaks up the pin. T boots him, and the faces sandwich Young before hitting a double Ah, Funk It! for 3.

WINNERS: Tons of Funk.

MATCH 3: Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro
Lock-up, and Cesaro backs Jericho into the corner. Jericho shoves him off and applies a side headlock. Cesaro throws him into the ropes and hits a shoulderblock. Another lock-up, and Jericho turns it into a hammerlock before hitting some chops and a dropkick. We get a cut-away video of Fandango and Summer Rae, and she’s pretending she hurt her ankle again. The both of them laugh. Okay, then. A match is still going on, so let’s get back to it. Cesaro rolls to the floor off an Irish whip, avoiding a clothesline in the process. Cesaro fights Jericho through the ropes before hitting a European uppercut. Cesaro hits some knife-edge chops in the corner and sends Jericho into the opposite. Jericho blocks a charge and hits a middle rope missile dropkick before hitting a seated one to the back and a seated one to the side of the head. Cesaro rolls to the apron and tries to suplex Jericho to the floor. He nails a forearm to the face, but Jericho kicks him as he gets back in, then knocks him to the floor with an inside-out dropkick. Commercials.

Back from the break, Cesaro has Jericho in a rear chinlock. Jericho elbows out, ducks a clothesline and locks in a backslide for 2. Cesaro pops up with a clothesline for 2 of his own before applying another rear chinlock. Jericho gets back to his feet, but Cesaro keeps the hold locked in. Jericho eventually breaks out and shoulders Cesaro down twice before getting sent to the apron. Jericho lands on his feet, goes up top and hits a double axe handle. Cesaro ducks a clothesline and goes back to the chinlock. Jericho counters into a Walls, but Cesaro boots him off. Jericho boots him in the face and goes for the Lionsault, but Cesaro blocks it with his knees and hits a double stomp for 2. Cesaro pounds Jericho in the face with forearm shots, then pulls him up by his ears for a slap to the face. Jericho escapes a corner whip and hits a step-up enziguri for 2. Briefly Jericho’s finisher, BTW. Jericho punts Cesaro in the ribs before running into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Cesaro goes back to the rear chinlock, then releases it before calling for the Neutralizer. Jericho counters into the Walls, but Cesaro twists out. Jericho boots him in the corner, then goes up top, and jumps off right into a Very European Uppercut for 2. Cesaro slaps him in the back of the head a few times before going for the deadlift gutwrench suplex. Jericho grabs his leg on the way down and counters into the Walls of Jericho for the submission.

WINNER: Chris Jericho. Great match with a great finish. Poor Antonio Cesaro, though. He deserves so much better. Anyway, as Jericho is celebrating, Fandango’s music hits, and Summer Rae dances her way onto the stage. Fandango tries to attack from behind, but Jericho sees him coming and tackles him, hitting a few punches before Fandango bails. Cesaro gets back up and tries to go after Jericho, running right into a Codebreaker in the process.

MATCH 4: Damien Sandow vs. The Miz
Cody Rhodes is on color commentary, as he’s facing Miz in the dark match at ER. Lock-up to start, and Miz applies a side headlock. Sandow counters out, and Miz applies it once again, right into a hip throw. Sandow gets back up and backs Miz into a corner for some shoulder thrusts before he stomps Miz down. Miz escapes a corner whip and hits a clothesline. Miz sends Sandow into the corner, but runs into an elbow. He ducks a clothesline and goes for one of his own, but Sandow bails to the floor. Miz meets him outside with a double axe handle from the apron. Sandow is rolled back in, and he kicks Miz as he tries to climb back in. Rhodes leaves the announce desk, grabs a mic and tells the audience to show respect for Sandow. In the ring, Sandow hits a suplex, drops his kneepad and hits a jumping kneedrop for 2. We get a cut-away featuring Wade Barrett, who is apparently doing an interview in the back. In the ring, Miz fights back with punches before being triped into the ropes. Sandow hits a knee to the back, then follows up with some kneelifts and a side-Russian legsweep. The Cobito Aquiet connects for 2, and now Sandow is applying a rear chinlock. Miz fights out, ducks some rights and hits some lefts. Forearm off the ropes by Miz, followed by a running kneelift and a running boot. Hanging clothesline in the corner, and now Miz goes up top for a double axe handle. Why are so many wrestlers using that all of a sudden. Miz calls for the figure-4, but Rhodes distracts him on the apron. Miz knocks him down and Sandow goes for a back suplex. Miz flips out, takes Sandow down and applies the figure-4. Sandow taps.

WINNER: The Miz.

MATCH 5: Aksana vs. WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn (non-title)
Before the match, we see a video from earlier today featuring Kaitlyn and Natalya talking, and someone delivers some flowers to Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn starts the match with a waistlock takedown right into a front chancery. Kaitlyn turns it into a snap suplex for 2 before applying an arm wringer. Aksana fights out with forearms before Kaitlyn runs through her with a shoulderblock. She calls for the inverted DDT, but Aksana backs her into the corner before whipping her down to the mat. She catapults Kaitlyn into the top rope, then drives her knee into Kaitlyn’s back before applying a rear chinlock. Kaitlyn begins to fight out until Aksana whips her back down. Aksana lands some kicks to the ribs before hitting a side-Russian legsweep. She crawls around the ring for whatever reason, then kicks Kaitlyn in the face for 2. Aksana goes back to the rear chinlock, driving her knee into the back as well. Kaitlyn powers out, but runs into a kick. Aksana forearms her down, then applies an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Kaitlyn escapes and runs through Aksana with a spear for 3.

WINNER: Kaitlyn. Decent for a divas match, especially considering one of the contestants was Aksana. Decent spear by Kaitlyn, too.

MATCH 6: Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus and Randy Orton (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs.
Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and The Big Show (w/Zeb Colter)
Swagger and ADR start the match with a lock-up. Swagger goes into a side headlock before shouldering ADR off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a hip toss by ADR. ADR lands a kick to the spine for 2. ADR kicks Swagger in the corner, then hits a step-up enziguri. Orton tags in and stomps Swagger’s hand before hitting a European uppercut. Orton with the corner punches, hitting all ten. Swagger comes back with a chopblock off an Irish whip, then DDTs the leg. Orton gets back up and hits a dropkick before tagging in ADR, who hits a drop toe-hold for 2. Swagger rolls to the apron, and ADR pulls him through the ropes for some forearms to the back and a Backstabber. Swagger rolls to the floor, and ADR hits a suicide dive. ADR rolls Swagger back into the ring and goes up top. Swagger meets him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Kurt Angle will accuse him of stealing on Twitter in no time. Show tags in stands on ADR’s back. He hits an open-hand chop in the corner before throwing ADR into the buckles. Swagger tags back in and hits some kneelifts. Henry in for the first time, and he headbutts ADR repeatedly. Swagger back in, and ADR blocks a charge before hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Show back in, and he stops a tag with an elbow drop. Bodyslam by Show as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, ADR boots Swagger away. Swagger misses a corner charge, going shoulder-first into the ring post. Show tags in, and he pulls ADR away from his corner, once again preventing a tag. Show goes for the Alley-Oop, but ADR counters with a hurricanrana. Sheamus tags in, hits a pair of Irish Hammers, a running shoulder thrust and a running kneelift. He goes up for the Battering Ram, but Show sees it coming. Sheamus rolls through and charges at Show, running into a goozle. Sheamus escapes the chokeslam and hits White Noise. He calls for the Brogue Kick, but gets distracted by Henry. He knocks Henry down and goes for the Kick, but Show blocks it and hits a chokeslam for 2. Swagger back in, and he drops a pair of elbows before hitting a bodyslam and a running legdrop for 1. Swagger applies a front chancery, but Sheamus fights out and hits a rolling fireman’s carry slam. Henry tags in, and he stomps Sheamus in the back, preventing a tag. He clubs Sheamus across the back of the neck before foot-choking him. Show back in, and Sheamus tries to fight back with rights before running into a shoulderblock. Show walks across Sheamus’ stomach, then ties him in the ropes for some open-hand chops and a body blow. Swagger in, and he hits a series of kneelifts in the corner before hitting a short-arm clothesline. Swagger Bomb connects for 2. Swagger goes for it again, but Sheamus gets back up and electric chairs Swagger. Orton tags in, and he hits the 3.0, followed by 3 of the 4 Moves of Boredom. Henry comes in and hits Orton with a standing avalanche as Show clotheslines Sheamus to the floor. ADR lands a step-up enziguri on Henry on the apron, and outside, Sheamus blasts Show with a Brogue Kick. In the ring, Swagger ducks another step-up from ADR and goes for the Patriot Lock. Orton comes back in and lands an RKO on Swagger for 3.

WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton and Sheamus.

End of show.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

WWE: Extreme Rules 2013 DVD

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Not looking forward to this week’s episode of Impact. It reportedly got the lowest rating since TNA’s failed “Monday Night Wars, Part 2”, and those were some of the worst episodes ever.

Tupelo, MS again this week for the location. And, shock of shocks, Hulk Hogan is opening the show. He claims he is shocked that Hulkamania is this crazy in Tupelo. He’s also shocked at the way AJ Styles walked away from Sting and Kurt Angle, brothers. But, when he walked away, Angle took the fight to him, brother. So AJ, go ahead and join Aces and Eights if you want, because who cares? Angle is going to keep chasing you to Slammiversary, brother. From his mouth to the fans, it’s official: Angle/AJ at Slammiversary. Speaking of that event, we’re going to have the contract signing for Bully Ray/Sting for the World title. Oh, joy. TNA has been under the microscope as of late, and a man who came and saved the day last week was Abyss. Now, Hulk would like to call Abyss out and shake his hand. Abyss, come on out, brother.

Abyss’ music hits, but he isn’t coming out. How many times is TNA going to do this stupid trick? I swear it happens every couple of weeks. Hulk calls him out once more, and the music once again hits. Instead of Abyss, it’s…well, it’s still Abyss. Just in the Joseph Park gear. Park says he sat at home last week and watched in shock as his “brother” returned to TNA. All this time he’s been looking for Abyss. He can’t believe that Abyss was here. Hulk says he’s not playing, brother. They need Abyss more than ever, and if anyone knows where he is, it’s going to be his brother…

Devon and D’Lo Brown come out through the crowd. Devon says he’s not after Hulk; they want Abyss as well. He stuck his nose in club business. He wasn’t even the legal guy in the match last week. Abyss needs to get out here right now, not this piece of trash (Park). Devon promises that he’s going to take a chunk out of Abyss’ ass. Park asks who Devon thinks he is, talking to Hulk like that. Devon talks about interfering in family business. If it wasn’t for A and E, Park would never have to be looking for his brother. Devon and D’Lo are starting to piss him off. He’s had it with A and E, so let’s do this right now: Devon vs. Park in a match right now. Devon tells him to shut up. He’s the TV Champion. Who did Park ever beat? If he wants a piece, he needs to prove himself first. D’Lo volunteers to kick Park’s ass tonight. Hulk makes the match official, and I die a little more inside. Devon says that’s fine, as he’s got all the belief in the world in D’Lo. But make it clear to Abyss that Devon promises to take a chunk of his ass. Hulk tells him after Park beats D’Lo, he’s going to give Park the green light to tear Devon apart. Testify to that, brother.

AI sees James Storm in the back and asks about last week. Storm silently stares at the floor as we see what happened last week. He simply says, “Watch. Just watch.”

Video for Christian York. He talks about winning Gut Check and possibly getting in the BFG Series.

MATCH 1: Bobby Roode vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Chavo Guerrero
Roode starts with a headlock into an abdominal stretch. Chavo hip tosses out. Another headlock by Roode, and Chavo fights out before getting shouldered off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a Chavo hip toss. Chavo with a drop toe-hold into a side headlock. Roode sends him into the corner, and Chavo counters with a headscissors that sends Roode to the floor. Roode avoids a plancha, then yanks Chavo to the floor before sending him into the guardrail. Roode breaks the count, then goes back on offense on Chavo before throwing him into the ring. Bodyslam by Roode, followed by a jumping kneedrop for 2. Roode chokes Chavo over the middle rope, then thumbs him in the eye in the corner. Roode hits a snapmare and follows up with a rolling neck snap. They tread punches until Roode knees him. He telegraphs a back body drop, then sends Chavo outside. Chavo lands on his feet on the apron, shoulders Roode and hits a tope con hilo. Spinning headscissors by Chavo, and he looks for a monkey flip in the corner. Roode counters and sets him on the top rope. Chavo boots him and goes for a tornado DDT. Roode throws him off, but runs right into the 3 Amigos. Chavo calls for the frog splash and goes up top, but Roode gets to his feet and sends Chavo to the floor. James Storm walks out at this point, gets in the ring with a mouthful of beer and spits it in Roode’s face.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Bobby Roode. Storm turns the beer bottle around and looks to crack it over Roode’s head, but Roode escapes to the floor before that can happen.

Kurt Angle is on his way out to the ring. He is apparently calling out AJ Styles yet again tonight.

Angle makes his way out and says the A and E thing has been going on for about a year now, and it’s gotten to the point where you can’t trust anyone. Even AJ walked out. Angle never backs down from a fight. When he confronted AJ, AJ walked away so Angle took the fight to him. Hulk granted a match at Slammiversary, and it’s Angle/AJ one more time. But Angle doesn’t want to wait until Slammiversary to kick his ass; he wants to do it right now, so bring it on. Instead of AJ, Mr. Anderson makes his way through the crowd. Anderson says Angle sounds like a woman. He needs to get it through his thick skull that AJ is not his boy, and he’s very proud to tell Angle and all of these idiots here that next Thursday, live from Tampa, FL, everyone will witness the patching in of AJ Styles. And he dares Angle to show up. He’s going to get destroyed. Angle says he doesn’t want to wait to next week to fight, so he sucker-punches Anderson and beats him down. AJ enters the ring through the crowd and nails Angle with a Ghetto Blaster. Instead of leaving with Anderson through the crowd, though, he leaves by going up the ramp.

Video for Jay Bradley now.

MATCH 2-Bound For Glory Series qualifier semi-final round match: Jay Bradley vs. Christian York
Whoever wins this match faces the winner of Alex Silva/Sam Shaw at Slammiversary, and the winner of that gets entered in the BFG Series. Bradley backs York into the corner, then shoves him. York shoves back and rolls him up for 1. Arm wringer by York into an armbar. He goes for a roll-up, but Bradley decks him. They trade punches until Bradley pancakes York and follows up with a big boot for 2. Bradley hits some forearms to the back, followed by elbows to the chin. York fights back before getting hit with a kneelift. Bradley applies a rear chinlock now, but York armdrags out of it. He ducks a clothesline and hits a springboard back elbow. Bradley comes back with a bodyslam and calls for the Boom Stick. York moves out of the way and goes to the corner, where he hits a kick to the head and some chops. Bradley reverses a corner whip, but York counters the counters into a headscissors into the turnbuckles. York hits the Dreamscape and goes for the Mood Swing. Bradley escapes, and now they trade punches. York dominates, ducks a clothesline, hits a spinning back kick and goes for a monkey flip in the corner. Bradley counters and sets him on the top rope, avoids a dive and lands the Boom Stick for 3.

WINNER: Jay Bradley. Christy Hemme congratulates Bradley on the win and asks what it would mean to move onto the BFG Series. He says he’s one step closer to the series, and that means one step closer to being your World Champion.

AI stops James Storm as he’s coming out of Hulk’s office. Apparently, Hulk laid into him and he’s pissed. He then tells AI to just keep watching.

We see A and E celebrating in the back. Anderson says if there’s any question as to where AJ’s loyalties lie, the questioning is over. He can’t wait until next week. Speaking of patching in, he tells D’Lo he’s in a bad way. D’Lo needs to kick Park’s ass tonight to get his vest back.

Before the next match starts, we see Brooke Hogan talking to Mickie James. She congratulates James on her new album. James says she appreciates that, and she’d also appreciate more spotlight at Slammiversary. Brooke says she knows how bad James wants to dominate the KO division. Next week, she’s giving James a title match against Velvet Sky. Bully Ray walks in, which scares James off. He corners Brooke and tells her to tell dad that when he gets in the ring with Sting tonight, it won’t be a contract signing; it’ll be a negotiation. He says he’ll never divorce her after she asks about it.

MATCH 3: Gail Kim vs. Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky (non-title)
Sky avoids a kick, blocks a second and trips Kim. Armdrag by Sky, followed by another one and a snap suplex. Forearm shots to the face, followed by a running facebuster. Sky stomps Kim in the corner, ducks a clotheslines and hits a spinning headscissors. Corner clothesline connects. Kim blocks an axe kick and drops Sky’s leg across her shoulder. Kim begins attacking the leg, applying a legbar and hitting some elbows to the knee. She drags the leg to the apron, slamming it across. Kim gets back in, and Sky tries to fight her off. Kim trips and hits a leg DDT. In the corner, Kim ties the leg up, then drops across the back of the knee. More kicks to the leg before hotshotting it across the middle rope. Kim applies a modified scorpion deathlock, but Sky gets a rope break. Kim then goes for a stretch muffler, which is an awesome submission that isn’t seen often enough. Sky gets another rope break, so Kim backs her into the corner and foot-chokes her. Sky reverses a corner whip, but Kim blocks the charge. Kim goes up top, and Sky pulls her down with a modified iconoclasm. Both are back up now, and Sky hits a pair of jumping clotheslines, followed by a couple of kicks. Her knee gives out on her, but she gets back up and goes for the In Yo Face. Kim escapes and chopblocks her. Sky boots her into the corner and schoolgirls her for 3.

WINNER: Velvet Sky. I’m glad Kim is staring to break out the awesome submission holds again. Anyway, she drags Sky to the corner after the match and applies the corner figure-4. ODB eventually manages to get the hold broken.

Chris Sabin is talking about Kenny King, saying he’s the king of nothing. He’s not the best wrestler either, as that’s Chris Sabin. Cut to King, and he disagrees because he’s the champion. He doesn’t call himself King just because he has lips; he does it because he’s royalty around here. This segues to Petey Williams, and he calls King a thief, stealing victories in the three-way matches lately. Petey thinks he has a solution to the King problem.

Another video for Suicide. He returns next week.

MATCH 4-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. Kenny King (Champion)
Not one guy in this match got an entrance. Nice. King immediately slides to the floor to let Petey and Sabin duke it out. Sabin applies a side headlock. Petey counters into his own. They trade several holds and armdrag variations. Petey trips Sabin into the middle rope, but gets tripped by King and dragged to the outside, where King rams him into the guardrail. Have I mentioned how much I hate recapping 3-way matches? King gets in, where Sabin blocks a kick and trips him. Sabin fires off some knife-edge chops before getting hit with a back elbow. King ducks a clothesline and hits a Ghetto Blaster. Petey shoulders King and hits a slingshot lung blower before nailing Sabin with a dropkick for 1. Sabin rolls to the floor, and King attacks Petey from behind, choking him over the tope rope before snapping him backwards for 1. King nails Petey in the corner, then baseball slides Sabin. Corner whip for Petey, and Petey crashes to the mat. Bodyslam by King, followed by a springboard legdrop for 2. King applies a grounded abdominal stretch, but Petey fights out. King knees him and hotshots him over the top rope. Petey ducks a springboard, and Sabin comes in with some clotheslines and a forearm on King. Back suplex into a bridge gets 2. Petey goes after Sabin, but gets hit with a chop. Petey backdrops him over the top rope in the corner, but Sabin lands on his feet on the apron. Petey nails a forearm to the face, then hits a suicide dive. Back in, Petey hits a spinning headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep into a crucifix on King for 2. Petey hits a cradled complete shot for 2, then calls for the Canadian Destroyer. Sabin comes in and clotheslines him. King reverses a corner whip by Sabin, but Sabin blocks the charge and goes for a tornado DDT. King counters and hits a kick to the head before nailing a roundhouse on Petey for 2. Petey goes to the middle rope for a cross-body, but King catches him and hits a sidewinder into a backbreaker for 2. Royal Flush time, but Sabin pulls Petey down and hits a spinning back kick on King. Sabin lands a step-up enziguri on King, then puts him in the tree of woe. Petey is back up, goes for the Destroyer, but Sabin does a weird counter into a fireman’s carry. He then hits a running DVD on Petey into King, who is still tied up in the corner. Sabin hits a powerbomb, followed by a running seated dropkick. King drops him with a dropkick, then hits the Royal Flush on Petey for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Kenny King.

We see Bad Influence in the dressing room. Christopher Daniels is worried about James Storm, and both members agree he’s a jerk. Daniels wants Kazarian in his corner for his match against Hernandez tonight. Kaz says Storm is afraid of both them.

We see D’Lo Brown and Mr. Anderson talking about tonight’s match. D’Lo says everything has been spiraling out of control, and Anderson blames it on D’Lo burying Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff. D’Lo says he messed up and is going to try to fix it. Anderson says he’s pulling for D’Lo.

MATCH 5: Christopher Daniels (w/Kazarian) vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Hernandez
Hernandez backs Daniels into a corner out of a lock-up. Daniels thumbs him in the eye off the clean break, then stomps him in the corner before choking him. Daniels goes for a bodyslam, but can’t lift Hernandez. Hernandez counters into a delayed vertical suplex. Hernandez boots him, then hits an over-the-shoulder backbreaker drop. Hernandez goes to the ramp on the outside and nails an outside-in Air Mexico. Kaz trips Hernandez from behind, and Daniels lands a clothesline to the back of the head. Stomps by Daniels, and he follows up with a Nightmare on Helms Street for 2 before throwing Hernandez to the floor. Outside, Kaz stomps Hernandez down while Daniels distracts the referee. Hernandez recovers as Daniels taunts the crowd, hitting a slingshot shoulderblock. He follows up with a clothesline and a Polish Hammer before hip tossing Daniels out of the corner. He misses an avalanche in the opposite corner, and Daniels calls for Angel’s Wings. Hernandez escapes as James Storm makes his way out, beer in hand once again. Kaz bails to the floor from the ramp, and as Daniels is distracted, Hernandez hits a Pounce for 3.

WINNER: Hernandez. James Storm takes a mic and says that Hulk told him there would be repercussions for his actions before telling him to make an announcement. That announcement is that Chavo & Hernandez will defend the titles against Aries & Roode as well as Bad Influence…and Storm with a partner of his choice. Insert stupid catchphrase.

MATCH 6: D’Lo Brown vs. Joseph Park
So much for the Park gimmick being dead. D’Lo goes on the attack with a kneelift and a forearm to the back. D’Lo hits some forearms to the face and follows up with a bodyslam. Park ducks a clothesline and hits some punches before running into a back elbow that knocks him to the floor. D’Lo follows, slamming him face-first into the apron before rolling him back in the ring. Park fights back from his knees before getting dropkicked in the knee. D’Lo hits a shining enziguri in super slo-mo, then lands a low clothesline. Park makes it to his feet in the corner, where D’Lo corner whips him. Park dodges a charge and schoolboys him for 2. D’Lo gets back up and hits a jumping side kick before hitting a corner clothesline. D’Lo hits some rights to the head before arguing with the referee. He goes back to the rights, and busts Park open in the process. Park gets up and looks at the blood, which causes him to snap. He nails a pair of clotheslines, follows up with an avalanche, and the Black Hole Slam gets 3.

WINNER: Joseph Park. Park snaps out of his daze and begins asking the ref what happened.

The main event contract signing is up next.

JB is in the ring with a podium. No table, though. What the hell kind of wrestling contract signing is this? Bully Ray comes out first, then knocks JB on his ass and gets him out of the ring. Okay, I like that. Ray then ruins things by asking if we know who he is. He is Bully Ray, from “God’s country” in Hell’s Kitchen. He’s the president of Aces and Eights, and the World Champion. He’s the guy that defeated Jeff Hardy. He’s the guy that took Hardy out at his own game-Full Metal Mayhem. He’s also the guy who will defeat Sting at Slammiversary. Sting, he knows you’re listening and all of his fans can’t wait for him to get out here, but like he told Brooke earlier, this will be more of a negotiation than a signing. Sting probably has some “stips” (stipulations) he wants to lay out, so Ray is all ears. Sting comes out, and Ray tells him to stop on the ramp. He wants this to be official, with no discrepancies. Hulk, you may want to come out and listen to this. Come out, dad. Hulk comes out and stops on the stage as Sting is allowed to enter the ring. Ray says this is the first time he and Sting have been face-to-face since Ray screwed him over. Since he screwed Hulk over. And everyone knows how bad he was screwing Brooke over. If Sting is looking for an apology, he isn’t getting one. Sting says he doesn’t care. When Ray gets to Boston, he should take Sting’s arm and snap it in two. He should pull Sting’s kneecap off. Dislocate his elbow. Rip his throat right out. Take his finger, and gouge Sting’s eye out. Make him bleed. Ray asks why Sting is telling him to do this. Sting says if Ray doesn’t do it to him, he’s going to do it to Ray. He doesn’t care if it’s in the ring, out of the ring, in the concession stands, in the rafters, in the crowd…he’s going to make Ray bleed in Boston. He doesn’t have any demands, but since Ray is asking, he’s come up with one: he wants a No Holds Barred match. Ray says he bets everyone would love to see him bleed at Sting’s hands. Sting has got his match, on one condition: Sting agrees that, when Ray beats him, he never wrestles for the World title ever again. Hulk starts to interrupt, but Ray cuts him off and screams at him. He’s not saying Sting has to retire. He doesn’t want Sting to retire. He wants Sting to wrestle until the day he dies, knowing he can never wear the World title again. Hulk tells Sting he doesn’t have to do this. Ray says Hulk is running his mouth, making decisions for Sting again. Man up. Will you agree to the match, yes or no? Sting says yes, and Ray shoves him. Sting comes back with rights, and now they’re trading blows.

End of show.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Tonight, Jack Swagger takes on Big E. Langston. But, way more importantly, Daniel Bryan takes on Dean Ambrose. I am beside myself with glee at match.

The show opens with Chris Jericho in the ring for another edition of The Highlight Reel. His guest tonight will be challenging John Cena for the WWE Championship in a Last Man Standing Match at Extreme Rules, and that is Ryback. Ryback comes out, and Jericho says he’s made incredible waves over the last month, starting the night after Wrestlemania. On his show, Jericho likes to rile people up, but in the case of John Cena, Jericho knows where Ryback is coming from. Ryback says he doesn’t need Jericho’s approval. Jericho knows why Ryback did what he did, as what Ryback has wanted has always been taken out of his grasp. Jericho wants to know what Ryback’s rules are. He thinks they’re pretty simple: Ryback will do whatever it takes to win and be on top, and Jericho understands that. He’s been champion six times, and to do that, he grew a chip on his shoulder, and if people weren’t with him, they were against. Ryback says don’t judge him, and he takes care of himself. Jericho isn’t judging, but the fans are. The Jerichoholics here tonight are judging Ryback. They’re booing you, Ryback, because they know the difference between beating Steve Austin and The Rock in the same night to become Undisputed Champion, and beating a one-legged John Cena in a LMS match. Maybe Ryback will get what he wants, and wants to be a cowardly champion instead of the nice guy who always finishes 2nd. Ryback could win the title at Extreme Rules, but he will lose the respect of everyone in the WWE Universe. Ryback tells Jericho he talks way too much. What makes Jericho think Ryback won’t drop him right here and now? Jericho says he’s looking into Ryback’s eyes and doesn’t think he’ll do a damn thing.

Cue Teddy Long. He says that’s not the way it’s going to go down. If these two have some business to settle, then they will do it in tonight’s main event. As soon as Long finishes talking, Ryback drops Jericho with a cheap shot and heads to the back. Considering how awesome last week’s Bryan/Ryback match was, this main event has a ton of potential.

Later tonight, Mark Henry is apparently looking to set a world record.

MATCH 1: WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes (non-title)
Kofi goes right to the waistlock, and Rhodes knocks him down. They each block a hip toss, and Kofi hits a kneelift, followed by a flipping armdrag. Never seen an armdrag like that before. Kofi hits a standard one after that, right into an armbar until Rhodes elbows out. He chokes Kofi over the middle rope, then hits a kitchen sink for 1. Standing gourdbuster connects for 2. Rhodes stomps Kofi down, then applies a modified hammerlock. Kofi escapes and hits another armdrag, followed by a pair of chops and a dropkick. He misses the jumping clothesline, but hits a sunset flip. Rhodes rolls through and goes for a kick, but Kofi ducks and rolls Rhodes up for 2. Rhodes escapes and hits a punt to the ribs for 2. Kofi gets sent to the corner, blocks a charge, then springs to the top with the cross-body. Rhodes rolls through and gets 2. He goes for a Cross Rhodes, but Kofi escapes and goes for the SOS. Rhodes escapes and ducks TIP. He goes for the Disaster Kick, but Kofi ducks and nails Rhodes with Trouble in Paradise for 3.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston. Good closing sequence in that match. My compliments to both men. Good match overall, too.

Renee Young has an interview with Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Before she can ask her questions, Zeb cuts her off and spouts his usual crap. Zeb talks about ladder matches and Swagger’s statement this past Monday night. Blah, blah, blah.

MATCH 2: Big E. Langston (w/AJ Lee and Dolph Ziggler) vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter)
I hope Ziggler’s doing alright since getting injured, and I also hope it’s nothing long-term. Amnesia, no matter the grade, is no joke. Anyway, Alberto Del Rio is on commentary for the match, and AJ looks amazing as well. Before the match starts, ADR pulls a ladder from under the ring and slides it into the ring, leaving it at that. Ziggler goes to grab it, and Swagger kicks him. Swagger and Langston tug-of-war at the ladder, and Swagger rams it into Langston’s gut off a Zeb Colter distraction.

WINNER: No contest. The match never even got started. Langston gets clotheslined to the floor, and Ziggler comes in and nails Swagger before dropkicking the ladder into Swagger. He then baseball slides it into Zeb. ADR is back in, and he hits a clothesline on Ziggler before nailing him with a thrust kick. ADR then swings the ladder into Ziggler’s face before pulling it outside, where he throws it into Swagger. The ladder gets slid back into the ring by ADR, and he sets it up, grabs the World title belt, then climbs the ladder and holds it over his head.

MATCH 3: Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Daniel Bryan (w/Kane)
Bryan immediately nails a running knee, then stomps Ambrose down in the corner. Ambrose comes back with forearms and punches before raking Bryan’s eyes across the top rope. Bryan counters an Irish whip with a kitchen sink, then drops some elbows to the shoulder and lands some kicks to the back. Bryan hits a jumping kneedrop, then follows up with European uppercuts in the corner. Ambrose fights back and nails some shots before throwing Bryan into the opposite corner. He headbutts Bryan down, then foot chokes him on the bottom rope. Chop to the chest by Ambrose, and Bryan backflips off a corner whip attempt before hitting a running clothesline. He fires up the No! Kicks, but misses the Buzzsaw when Ambrose rolls to the floor. Bryan capitalizes with a suicde dive, and we see a stand-off between Kane and Reigns/Rollins in the aftermath. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ambrose is in control with an elbow drop, getting 2. Ambrose applies a neck vice, then turns it into a straightjacket. Bryan starts to reverse, but gets hit with a short-arm clothesline. Ambrose then hits a low clothesline for 2 before applying a double trapezius claw. Ambrose breaks it to back to the neck vice, and Bryan elbows his way out. He hits some rights before getting hit with a vicious kneelift. Ambrose hits a couple rights against the ropes, then nails a running seated dropkick for 2. Ambrose applies a sleeper, but Bryan fights out once more. Ambrose headbutts him, then nails some forearms to the face in the corner. He misses a charge, going shoulder-first into the ring post. Bryan follows up with a running corner dropkick, then nails some more No! Kicks before tying Ambrose up in the tree of woe. More kicks, and now a baseball slide to the chest for 2. Bryan hits some European uppercuts until Ambrose counters into a backslide for 2. Bryan escapes and blasts Ambrose with a running kick to the chest. Bryan goes up top, and Kane steps in to make sure Rollins and Reigns don’t interfere. Bryan hits a seated missile dropkick on Ambrose for 2. Ambrose comes back with some palm strikes, ducks a roundhouse and hits a back suplex into a facebuster for 2. Ambrose has a nice shiner on his left eye, courtesy of Bryan’s corner dropkick. Ambrose hits some knees to the face, but Bryan blocks a short-arm clothesline and counters into the No! Lock. He cinches it in as Rollins tries to interfere. Kane pulls him out, and Reigns breaks up the hold. Reigns goes after Kane, and Kane takes them both on. Ambrose applies a side headlock when Kofi Kingston runs in and attacks him.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Dean Ambrose. Kofi and the tag champs then clean house, sending The Shield back through the crowd. Well, until the DQ finish, that match was awesome.

We see footage from earlier today of Mark Henry pulling a 27-ton tractor trailer behind him. Up next, Henry will try to break a world record by pulling two of them.

We see some footage of Henry whipping Sheamus this past Monday night. For those that say wrestling is completely fake, look at pics of Sheamus’ back later that night and get back to me.

We’re back outside the arena where Henry is prepping. Matt Striker interviews him beforehand. Henry says there has been a lot of strong men who have pulled trucks, boats, trolleys and buses. There’s no one on Earth that has pulled two tractor trailers. Tonight, this is a demonstration of how he’s going to pull Sheamus like a ragdoll. At Extreme Rules, all four corners are going to be touched. Now get out of his way while he makes history. Henry has to pull these twenty feet to break the record. Henry pulls a couple of times and doesn’t make any headway. He takes a breath for a minute, and Striker asks him if he’s struggling. Henry says no one thinks he can do it. That don’t matter. Get out of his way! Henry begins pulling, and the trucks do indeed move, and Henry eventually does it before collapsing on the ground. I’m not sure if the Guinness people were actually here or not, but if they were, it does appear Henry has broken a record. For whatever reason, The Prime-Time Players were acting as his cheerleaders during this segment. Regardless of what you think of Henry, what he did was pretty damn impressive.

Renee Young is standing by with Randy Orton. She reminds him of what happened on RAW when The Big Show nailed Orton with a KO Punch. She asks him what his message to Show is. Orton is not the most trusting type, but he trusted Show at ‘Mania, and it got him knocked out twice. You mess with “The Viper”, you’re going to get bit. At Extreme Rules, there will be no antidote for what he does to The Big Show.

MATCH 4: The Big Show vs. Sweet T (w/Brodus Clay and The Funkadactyls)
Show starts with some body blows. T fights back with rights to the face, then shoulders Show in the corner. Headbutts by T, and now more rights in the corner. He hits an avalanche, then goes for the Derailer. Show knocks his arms away and hits the KO Punch for the 3.

WINNER: The Big Show. After the match, Clay gets in the ring to check on T, and Show goes after him. Clay fights back until Show spears him. He calls for the KO Punch once more, but Randy Orton comes in out of nowhere and hits an RKO on Show.

We see Kaitlyn texting someone when AJ Lee approaches her, asking who the secret admirer. Kaitlyn says maybe it’s Dolph, as maybe Dolph is ready for a real woman. AJ makes fun of the fact that Kaitlyn is muscular, and Kaitlyn calls her a 10 year-old boy. Natalya interrupts, and AJ calls them, “gentlemen”. Nattie asks if she has figured out who it is yet, then says The Great Khali hasn’t found anything out yet. Khali approaches them wearing a Rey Mysterio mask, singing his entrance theme before walking off. Not sure what the point of that was. Kaitlyn tells Nattie he doesn’t have to wear a costume while working undercover before leaving. Nattie tells Khali doesn’t have to go undercover, or dress like Cody Rhodes. The camera pans up to show Khali wearing a mustache.

MATCH 5: Chris Jericho vs. Ryback
Lock-up, and Ryback throws Jericho back. They do this again, and Ryback then shoves Jericho. Jericho slaps him and hits a dropkick off the ropes. Jericho gets backdropped to the outside off a charge, but lands on the apron. Ryback nails him with a forearm, knocking him to the floor. Outside, Ryback continues the attack with rights to the head before rolling Jericho back in. Jericho cuts him off with a kick, then hits a chop in the corner. Jericho hits some kicks to the gut until Ryback shoves him down and continues the assault with stomps before foot-choking Jericho near the ropes. Ryback throws Jericho to the corner and hits a knife-edge before clubbing Jericho down and applying a rear chinlock. Jericho fights out, but gets hit with a knee. Jericho comes back with a kick, escapes a slam and hits a flying forearm, sending Ryback to the ropes. Jericho nails an inside-out dropkick, sending Ryback to the floor. Ryback immediately jumps back up on the apron, then jumps right back down. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ryback is once again in control, stomping Jericho on the mat. Ryback stomps Jericho in the midsection, then drops an elbow for 2. A waistlock is applied now, and Jericho fights out with forearms before running into a standing spinebuster for 2. Ryback headbutts Jericho a couple of times, then begins slamming his head into the mat by the ears. Ryback applies a neck vice now, and Jericho fights out once more. Ryback boots him and sends him to the corner, but Jericho misses a charge and hits a pair of shoulders before being sent outside. Jericho lands on his feet on the apron, goes up top and hits a double axe handle. Jericho hits some kicks to the face and goes for the bulldog, but Ryback counters into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. He misses a Warrior Splash, and Jericho capitalizes with a Lionsault for 1. Jericho comes off the ropes and gets caught in a Warrior Press. He lands on his feet and goes for the Codebreaker, but Ryback just drops him before hitting the deadlift powerbomb. Ryback hits a bodyslam, then follows up with a corner clothesline. Jericho comes back with a dropkick to the knees, then looks for the Walls of Jericho. Listening to Josh Mathews making fun of Michael Cole for always hanging on John Cena’s nuts is funny. Anyway, Ryback kicks Jericho away and hits a fall-away slam. The Meat Hook connects, and Ryback calls for Shell Shocked. Jericho reverses into a schoolboy and turns it into the Walls, sitting down tight. Ryback powers his way to the ropes, getting the break. Jericho quickly hits the Codebreaker, but Ryback is too close to the ropes, and he falls through the ropes and to the floor. Outside, Jericho goes after Ryback, but Ryback throws him into the barricade. Ryback picks him into a back suplex, but instead sends him crotch-first into the ring post, apparently causing a DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Chris Jericho. Ryback begins heading to the back as Jericho is helped up by referee Scott Armstrong. Ryback comes back after a minute and Meat Hooks Jericho over the announce table.

End of show.

Much like Bryan/Ambrose, the DQ finish to the main event sucked. However, the match was still good. That’s three good matches this week. I call it a win.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: The Best of In Your House

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

This week’s Impact opens up with Sting making his way out, and he’s accompanied by Kurt Angle. He says he’s showing up on June 2nd at Slammiversary as the #1 contender for the World title. Bully Ray concocted a plan to deceive everyone, and he succeeded, ending with the World title. Sting wants to strip Ray of his power by taking the title, but he doesn’t want to wait until June 2nd. He asked Hulk Hogan if he could assemble a team to face Aces and Eights tonight, and was granted that. They’re going against Aces and Eights in Tupelo, Mississippi, and he didn’t want the best; he wanted the best of the best, and that’s why he went with Kurt Angle. Angle says he was deceived like everyone else, but last week, he made D’Lo scream “I quit”. That’s just the beginning. He confronted AJ Styles last week about joining their team. So, now he’d like AJ to come out right now to ask him a question.

AJ makes his way out, and Angle says they’re ready for war. So, is he going to join them in the fight against Aces and Eights? AJ simply stares as Angle tries to get an answer, then says he’s sick and tired of asking. Now, he’s demanding AJ answer a question. Sting steps between them and tells AJ he’s been in his shoes and hid in the rafters. AJ doesn’t he have to hide; he just has to do the right thing. A and E is taking apart TNA, and TNA needs AJ Styles. The roar from the crowd is “The house that AJ Styles built”. He knows AJ wants to do the right thing and be in the 6-man later tonight, so let’s make it happen. Sting extends a hand, and AJ doesn’t respond. Angle grabs the mic and screams in AJ’s face that he’s either with them or against them. AJ silently walks away on this note as Angle continues screaming. Angle follows him up the ramp and gets in AJ’s face, which leads to a brawl between the two until referees come out to split them up. Meanwhile, Mr. Anderson and Team 3-D hit the ring. Anderson nails Sting from behind, and Ray/Devon hit the 3-D. Angle sees what’s going on and chases A and E off as Sting is left laying.

AI stops AJ as he’s trying to leave the building, asking if he’s going to leave these guys high and dry. AJ stares at him, then storms out of the building.

MATCH 1: Tara and Gail Kim (w/Jesse) vs. Mickie James and Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky
James attacks Kim with forearms, a pair of clotheslines and a dropkick. More forearms until Jesse trips James from the outside. Kim stomps her down and throws her to the corner. She goes to tag in Tara, but she’s making out with Jesse. Eventually, she makes the tag, and Tara begins slamming James’ face into the mat. She sets up the tree of woe and hits a baseball slide to the face. Kim tags herself in as Tara makes out with Jesse and hits some forearms to the face. Corner clothesline by Kim, but James begins fighting back with forearms. Kim blocks the Tunacanrana but takes a roundhouse to the face. Tara and Sky tag in. Sky hits a pair of jumping clotheslines, a kick and a running neckbreaker for 2. She sets up In Yo Face, but Kim runs interference. Sky throws her to the outside into Jesse, then hits In Yo Face on Tara for the 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Velvet Sky. Kim gets back in the ring and is giving Tara the business. After a couple of shoves, Kim hits a short-arm clothesline, then drags Tara to the ring post for the figure-4. ODB manages to pull Kim off after not too long.

A and E are celebrating the 3-D on Sting in the back. They talk about AJ for a moment until D’Lo Brown walks in. He didn’t know about the get-together right now. Bully Ray tells him there will be another one in the ring later, and D’Lo’s invited to that one.

We see Bad Influence enter James Storm’s locker room, presenting to him a six-pack of beer. They brought him the beer to remind him of what happened between Storm and Bobby Roode not long ago, and Daniels then says Storm should form a three-man team with them.

A and E make their way out through the crowd, with D’Lo Brown all the way at the end of the line. Pretty sure we all know where this is going. Bully Ray says we should know who the hell they are by now. They are the Aces and Eights. Tonight, he and his brother Devon, along with Mr. Anderson, will stand in this ring and take on Kurt Angle, Sting and their big mystery partner. We know damn well it isn’t going to be AJ Styles, as he’s finally starting to “see the light”. Who else is left to be hero? Whoever it is, don’t do it. You don’t want any part of A and E. And that brings him to his main point of business, that being D’Lo Brown. A couple of weeks ago, D’Lo disgraced the club and his brothers. Ray is going to make this short and sweet: take off your colors right now. Take off that “cut” and put it in his hands right now. D’Lo tells him no. Ray reminds him he’s the President of the club, then demands D’Lo’s colors. D’Lo says his “cut” is his life. No. Mr. Anderson gets in D’Lo’s face and begins screaming at him. Ray reminds him he said “I quit”, which means he quit on everybody. He let himself down, and now he’s going to cry about it like a bitch. How are you going to earn your stripes back? D’Lo says he knows Magnus has a match tonight, and he wants to kick Magnus’ ass. Ray tells him he’s going to sit next to the time keeper as DOC kicks Magnus’ ass, and he better hope DOC gets the job done if he ever wants to wear his colors again.

MATCH 2: DOC (w/D’Lo Brown) vs. Magnus
Match goes to commercial before it starts. When it comes back, DOC reverses a corner whip before running into a boot. Magnus comes off the middle rope, but jumps right into a big boot. DOC fires off some body blows in the corner, knocking him to the mat. DOC sends Magnus into the corner, hits an avalanche and a clothesline for 2. DOC applies a rear chinlock, but Magnus fights out. DOC cuts him off with a knee, then hits a suplex before firing off some rights to the face. DOC claws at Magnus’ face in the ropes, then boots him in the chest. Magnus blocks a pair of corner charges, dodges another one, hits a clothesline and a running boot. Magnus connects with the misdirection clothesline, then goes up top for the elbow. DOC is back up, and he nails an uppercut before climbing to the middle rope for a superplex. Magnus throws him off and hits the flying elbow drop for 2. D’Lo causes a distraction and drags Magnus to the floor. Magnus sends him into the steps and gets back in the ring, and DOC hits a fireman’s carry into a flapjack for 2. Back up, Magnus counters an Irish whip, and D’Lo accidentally grabs his foot, thinking it’s Magnus. Magnus uses the distraction to roll DOC up in a small package for 3.

WINNER: Magnus. DOC storms off through the crowd after laying into D’Lo.

We see DOC and D’Lo enter the back, where A and E are waiting for him. Bully Ray lays into D’Lo, then tells the rest of the group to hold him down. All of a sudden, I’m reminded of Heidenreich molesting Michael Cole. Ray continues to lay into him, then threatens to cave his skull in with a hammer. Anderson stops him and says he has a better idea. Why don’t they give D’Lo a job he can do? Ray agrees, telling him he’ll be getting beer and washing bikes, as he’s now just a prospect.

Sting and Kurt Angle are in Hulk Hogan’s office. Hulk is volunteering for the main event, and both Sting & Angle know he can’t and the doctor says so. Hulk says they’re right, but he has some new information. He got a call from some guy, and if this guy is in, he’s going to surprise everyone. Sting points out he said, “if”, which means it’s not concrete. Sting says Magnus just beat DOC, and they should go with him. Hulk agrees.

We see Bobby Roode and Austin Aries in the back. They’re talking about how to appeal to Storm, then approach him with a gift of beer. Bobby Roode then tells him he was always jealous of Storm because he was the face of Beer Money, and the only reason he won the World title was by breaking a beer bottle over Storm’s head. Storm takes the beer and tells Roode that Aries beating him for the title wasn’t a fluke.

MATCH 3-Winners become the new #1 contenders for the World Tag Team Championships: Austin Aries and Bobby Roode vs. Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) (special referee: James Storm)
Christy Hemme introduces Aries and Roode as Bad Influence when they come out, and Aries is standing on the stage, understandably confused. He then gets in Christy’s face and orders her to introduce them right. Aries sticks his crotch in her face as she’s doing it, and she starts laughing on the mic. She then introduces their opponents as “THE Bad Influence”, proving once again she sucks at her job. Kaz and Aries start with a lock-up. Kaz reverses into an armbar, and Aries counters into an arm wringer. Kaz counters into his own, then trips Aries. Back up, we get another lock up, and Aries hits a series of moves before just toying with Kaz and taunting him in the corner. Another lock-up, and Aries backs Kaz into the corner before accusing Kaz of pulling his hair. Each man ducks a punch, and they both rake the eyes at the same time. Both guys go to the apron, temporarily blinded while looking for a tag. Roode and Daniels tag in now, shake hands, then boot each other in the gut. Roode eventually hits a shoulder off the ropes but misses an elbow. Daniels comes back with his own shoulder, then hits a palm thrust to the face. Roode knocks him down with a clothesline, hits a pair of Venis kneelifts and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep for 1. Daniels fights back, but gets hit with a neckbreaker after Aries knees him in the back from the apron. Snapmare out of the corner and Aries tags in. Roode hits a rolling neck snap on Daniels, and Aries follows up with a spinning European uppercut from the middle rope to the back of the head for 2. Aries hits an open-hand chop in the corner, and Roode tags in, choking Daniels with his boot. Roode throws Daniels onto the ramp, and Aries hits a double axe handle from the top before throwing Daniels back in the ring, where Roode covers him for 1 as Daniels gets a rope break. Kaz hits Roode in the back off the ropes, and Daniels sends him to the floor. Kaz hits Roode with a double axe handle from the apron, then stomps him down before rolling him back in the ring. Kaz tags in, and BI hit a series of double teams, ending with an elbow by Kaz for 2. Daniels drop toe-holds Roode, and Kaz hits a springboard legdrop for 2. Daniels tags in and goes for a move off the middle rope, but sends Kaz head-first into Daniels’ crotch, knocking them both down. Aries tags in and hits a running corner dropkick on Kaz, then fires off some rights on Daniels before hitting a rolling elbow. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but Daniels reverses into a roll-up. Aries blocks it and sends Daniels to the floor, nailing both members of BI with a wicked suicide dive. Daniels gets rolled back in, and Aries goes up top, mocking Chavo Guerrero in the process by hitting a frog splash for 2 as Kaz breaks it up. Roode comes in, and Kaz sends him to the floor. Aries goes for another rolling elbow, but BI blocks it into a double hip toss that they turn into a Villano Bomb for 2 as Roode breaks up the pin this time. Kaz goes for the Fade to Black on Roode, but Roode escapes and hits a spinebuster. Daniels hits Roode with a running STO, and Aries hits Daniels with a kneebreaker into a Saito suplex. Daniels goes to the corner and Aries charges in, but Daniels blocks with a boot. He goes for the Angel’s Wings, but Aries escapes and goes for the brainbuster. Daniels escapes again and rolls Aries up for a pin while holding the tights right in front of Storm. As a result, Storm won’t make a count. Daniels begins screaming at him, and Aries grabs a beer bottle. As Storm is looking away, Aries spits beer in Daniels’ face. He hands the bottle to Storm for a strike, but Storm drinks the beer instead. Aries shoves him, then taunts him. Daniels comes in from behind, and as Daniels grabs Aries, Storm goes for the Last Call. Aries throws Daniels into the kick at the last second. Aries then demands Storm make the count, but Storm stops at 2 before nailing Aries with the Last Call. Roode and Kaz are both just standing on the outside. Storm just leaves the ring and his music plays, which I guess means that the match is over.

WINNER: No contest.

We see A and E assaulting Magnus in the back yet again. Pretty sure I’ve seen this plenty of times. This time, though, Magnus actually begins to fight back. He’s successful for a moment, but the numbers are too much. Magnus spits in DOC’s face, and DOC nails him with a trash can. They set him against a forklift and kick what looks like a pile of metal trashcan lids into his face. With his face obscured by the forklift, of course.

We get a Suicide video. Why in the hell did TNA have to dust off this gimmick? It didn’t work the first time. What makes them think it’ll work now?

Immediately after that is a video for Chris Sabin, who returned last week.

World X-Division Champion Kenny King makes his way out now. In case you don’t know, he is Kenny King, your X-Division Champion. How did he get the belt so quickly? Simple. Since he’s been here, he’s been fantastic. Spectacular. Maybe even exceptional. They don’t like that here, though. Instead of one man, he has to beat two men every time now. That’s fine, as he always beats the odds. However, that’s not why he’s here. He’s here to introduce someone who knows all about beating the odds, and that is the former 4-time champion, Chris Sabin. Sabin makes his way out, and King says it would mean a lot to everyone if Sabin just told us all a story right now. Sabin says it’s pretty simple. The past two years, he’s either been in physical rehab or his basement. King has no idea what it’s like to dedicate his life to something only to have it taken away. King also has no idea what kind of drive and fighting spirit lives in Chris Sabin. Sabin has nothing left to lose at this point, so each time he gets in the ring, he’s going to fight like it’s his last night on Earth. King needs to enjoy the title, because next week, Sabin’s taking it back. King basically echoes everything Sabin just said, then calls Sabin a champion in his eyes. It would mean a lot to him and everyone in the building if we could see Sabin to hold the belt up. King says he wants this because this is the closest Sabin will ever get to the title as long as King is still alive, sucka. He then calls Sabin “Frail Sabin”, and even with good ACLs, he’d never be able to hold a candle to King. Next week, King is going to reign golden showers on Sabin’s parade (his actual words), and there’s nothing Sabin can do about it, because he’s the champ. Now give him back the belt. Sabin folds up the belt, drops it, then nails King with a right, sending him to the floor. As Sabin’s music hits, Todd Keneley makes a reference to R. Kelly. Obviously, I’m not the only one who noticed King didn’t think his promo all the way through.

The cameras cut to the back, and James Storm is laid out on the floor with both BI and Aries/Roode surrounding him, screaming.

Next week, the BFG Series returns. One spot will go to a Gut Check contestant as Sam Shaw, Alex Silva, Christian York and Jay Bradley will compete in a 4-man tournament for the spot.

We see Bully Ray with A and E in the back. He says not everyone is happy with the treatment of D’Lo Brown, but he had to do what was best for the club, and there is no room for the weak. Brown quit, so he’s now at the bottom ladder. Knux asks if there’s anything for D’Lo to do tonight. Ray says to have him make sure the beer is cold and the bikes are washed because when they’re done, they’re going out to look for women.

In Hulk’s office, Kurt Angle begins heading to the ring, saying they’re out of options. Sting follows him, and Hulk is back on the phone with the mystery person, telling him it’s now or never.

MATCH 4: Kurt Angle, Sting and a Mystery Partner vs. Mr. Anderson and Team 3-D (World Champion Bully Ray and World Television Champion Devon)
Sting and Angle come out by themselves, so we should expect the partner a bit later. I’m guessing it’ll be Jeff Hardy. Angle and Devon start by trading punches. Devon gets the best of the exchange. Angle comes back with a back elbow and an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Ray tags in and he begins dropping elbows and double axe handles on Angle. Angle ducks a chop in the corner and hits a deep armdrag into an armbar. Ray backs him into a corner to break it and misses another chop. Lather, rinse repeat. Angle turns the armbar into an arm wringer and tags Sting in. Sting is once again wrestling in a t-shirt, which means he’s not in good shape. Anderson tags in and fires off some rights. Sting comes back with an inverted atomic drop and a dropkick. Anderson rolls to the apron, and as he gets back in, Sting crotches him with the middle rope. Angle back in, and he sends Anderson into the corner. He stomps Anderson down, then sends him into the opposite corner. Anderson comes back with a kneelift and tags in Devon. Devon sends Angle into a clothesline by Ray from the apron before nailing Angle with a straight right. Devon hits a Snapmare for 2, and they go back to trading punches. Angle gets the best of it until Devon rakes the eyes and sends Angle into Ray’s boot. Ray tags in and hits a trio of avalanches. Devon back in, and Angle dodges a double back body drop, but gets hit with 3-D #2. The camera cuts to the back, and we see the rest of A and E laid out in the back. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ray hits a dropkick on Angle. Anderson tags in and hits some punches and a back elbow for 2. Taz just described Ray as “290 and ripped”. Neither of those things are true. Devon tags in hits a shot to the ribs before landing a neckbreaker for 2. Devon applies a neck vice. Angle fights out, but gets hit with a boot to the head by Ray on the outside. Devon follows with a spinning back elbow for 2. Bodyslam by Devon, and he follows up with a legdrop before mocking Hulk Hogan. Listening to Taz is making my ears bleed. Ray tags in and hits a neckbreaker. He follows up with an open-hand chop to the chest, but Angle ducks a second one and hits the Angle Slam. Sting and Devon tag in, and Sting does his typical “hot tag” offense on Devon, eventually hitting the Stinger Splash and the Scorpion Death Drop. He gets 2 as Anderson breaks up the pin. Sting throws him to the floor, then hits another Stinger on Devon and a facebuster gets 2 when Ray breaks up the pin. Ray and Sting go nose-to-nose before trading right hands. Sting eventually takes him down with a double leg and goes for the scorpion deathlock. Anderson comes in and breaks it up with some rights before hitting a Mic Check and knocking Angle off the apron. He goes outside and slams Angle’s face into the steps as Devon slides a table into the ring. Devon sets it up and they call for the 3-D.

All of a sudden, Abyss’ music hits, and Joseph Park…er, Abyss makes his way down. He takes Devon and Ray down with a clotheslines and punches before hitting avalanches on them. He boots both men down, then chokeslams Anderson through the table. For whatever reason, the ref doesn’t call for the bell. Abyss his the Black Hole Slam on Devon and gets the 3.

WINNERS: Abyss, Kurt Angle and Sting.

End of show.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: The Best of In Your House

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens up with Ryback heading to the ring. Looks like we’re going straight into a match.

Before that starts, though, Ryback has a few things to say. Last Monday night, he knew John Cena was hurt when he was supposed to tag with him to take on The Shield. He’s not Cena’s keeper. Cena chose to put himself in the match and put himself at further risk. He was the one who lost to The Shield. Afterwards, Cena was hobbling like a weak, pathetic animal. In the laws of the jungle, the bigger, stronger and faster animals always eat the weak. Ryback rules.

MATCH 1: Ryback vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Daniel Bryan
Bryan hits a kick to the left leg, ducks a clothesline and hits another kick. He ducks a corner attack, hitting more kicks to the legs. Ryback finally boots him in the stomach and clubs him with a forearm. Bryan blocks a back body drop by hitting more kicks, but gets rammed into the corner with shoulder thrusts. Ryback hits a knife-edge, then clubs Bryan down. Back up, Ryback hits a bodyslam. Bryan pops up with more kicks to the left leg, but it’s cut short by some forearm shots. Ryback throws Bryan outside, and Bryan lands on his feet, baiting Ryback to the floor. Bryan gets back in, hits a dropkick through the ropes and follows up with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Ryback hits some kneelifts on Bryan in the corner and goes for a running powerslam. Bryan escapes and goes back to the kicks until Ryback catches a kick and just shoves him down. Ryback goes for a powerslam and turns Bryan vertical, but Bryan knees him in the head to counter. Back on his feet, Bryan hits more kicks to the leg before running into a gorilla press. Ryback holds him for a moment, then throws him to the floor. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ryback drops Bryan with a kneelift, then beals him out of the corner. Bryan rolls to the apron and Ryback charges in. Bryan counters with a shoulder and goes for a sunset flip, but Ryback blocks him and slams him into the mat by his head several times. Ryback sets Bryan in the corner, where Bryan blocks a charge and goes for a middle rope dive. Ryback catches him and turns the move into a swinging powerslam for 2. Bryan comes back with kicks to the leg, dropping Ryback to a knee. Ryback goes for a Thesz Press, but Bryan somehow counters into a half-Boston crab. That was a damn good spot right there. Ryback eventually kicks Bryan off, so Bryan goes back to the kicks, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own, followed by a running corner dropkick and more kicks. Bryan ties the left leg in the ropes and hits another dropkick before following up with a third. Up top, Bryan hits a sit-out missile dropkick for 2. Bryan begins hitting the No! Kicks, but Ryback blocks the Buzzsaw and goes for a powerbomb. Bryan uses momentum to pull Ryback over the top rope, sending them both to the floor. Bryan gets on the apron, but gets caught. Ryback rams him back-first into the ring post and rolls him back in the ring. Ryback picks him up in a deadlift and hits a powerbomb. Bryan kicks off a second attempt, but it’s all for naught as Ryback hits the powerbomb once more. He calls for the Meat Hook, which connects. Shell Shocked hits, and it’s over.

WINNER: Ryback. Awesome way to start the show this week. If Smackdown could start every week with matches that good, I’d be very happy.

Renee Young is in the back with Ricardo Rodriguez. She asks about his match with Zeb Colter tonight. He’s very excited, and then rambles in Spanish before kissing her. Alberto Del Rio walks in and tells him to get a hold of himself and come get ready.

MATCH 2: Zack Ryder vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)
Crowd’s not so much into Fandango’s entrance theme this week, it seems. Fandango hits a couple of kneelifts. Ryder blocks a hip toss, hits his own, and then hits a drop toehold for 2. Fandango comes back with stomps and kicks to the head before tying Ryder into the ropes, where he hits some forearms shots to the back of the head. He follows up with an apron kick, getting 2. Ryder comes back with a facebuster, blocks a corner charge, then hits a missile dropkick from the middle rope. Ryder hits a running forearm and the Broski Boot for 2. Fandango counters the Rough Ryder into a stun gun and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep. He connects with the guillotine legdrop and gets the 3.

WINNER: Fandango.

Kaitlyn is in the back, holding a dozen roses. Natalya and The Great Khali stop to ask her what that’s about. Kaitlyn reads a text from her secret admirer to them, but doesn’t know who it is, as it’s from a blocked number. Natalya says Khali has the best advice when she’s confused, and tells him to give her some. All I can understand is, “If you need advice, come to me.”

Later tonight, Kane faces Dean Ambrose one-on-one.

Renee Young is now standing by with Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. She reminds Zeb he can redeem his loss on Monday night by beating Ricardo one-on-one tonight. Zeb immediately loses my attention with the phrase “lamestream media”. He then rambles on about being brave, supposedly being violently ill on Monday night. He still went to work, though, because that’s what real Americans do. Okay, I can’t do this. I cannot stand listening to Zeb or his promos. This is the worst kind of cheap heat there is in pro wrestling.

MATCH 3: Ricardo Rodriguez (w/Alberto Del Rio) vs. Zeb Colter (w/Jack Swagger)
I’m glad Ricardo gets more ring time. He’s actually a very good in-ring performer overall. He may be doing a comedy gimmick, but the man can work and is professionally trained to do so. Anyway, Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee and Big E. Langston) is doing color commentary for this match. Zeb pushes Ricardo before slapping him. Ricardo grabs him by the beard, then kicks him in the knee. Ricardo stomps his hand, then “rides the pony”. Zeb gets up and rakes the eyes before punching Ricardo several times. Ricardo comes back with a hard right and a pair of thrust kicks, sending Zeb to the corner. He goes to charge in, and Jack Swagger hits the ring with a clothesline.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Ricardo Rodriguez. ADR hits the ring and clotheslines Swagger to the floor. Teddy Long comes out and says that, if that’s how these four want to play it, he’s turning this into a tag team match right now. I laugh when Ziggler refers to this as “Classic Teddy”.

MATCH 4: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger
Swagger and Ricardo apparently start the match during the commercials, and Swagger is in control with a hard corner whip. Ricardo dodges a charge, causing Swagger to go shoulder-first into the ring post. ADR tags in, hits a pair of clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger rolls to the apron, where ADR pulls him through the ropes, hits a few forearms to the back and goes for the Backstabber, but Swagger elbows him off. ADR comes back with a double-knee armbreaker and applies the jujigatame. Big E. Langston and Dolph Ziggler hit the ring and attack both men, causing a double DQ.

WINNER: No contest. Langston throws Swagger to the floor, then drops the straps. Before he can continue the attack. Teddy Long comes out and says he knew this would happen, and makes this into a triple threat tag team match. That’s right. Teddy Long just pulled some kind of Inception bullsh*t and made a tag team match within a tag team match. Sigh.

MATCH 5-Triple Threat Tag Team Match: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston and World Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee)
ADR starts off by attacking Ziggler with kicks and punches. Snapmare out of the corner, followed by a spinal tap by ADR for 2. Ricardo tags in and hits a running knee to the face for 2. Low dropkick by Ricardo, and ADR tags back in, hitting a quick kick to the head for 2. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a beautiful dropkick. Langston in, who hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Langston rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler back in, and he hits some body blows, followed by an avalanche for 2. Ziggler applies a mounted rear chinlock now, and ADR fights out with strikes. Ziggler blocks a back body drop, but still gets pancaked. Ziggler comes back with a kick to the knee and hits a neckbreaker. Langston tags in and walks into a mule kick by ADR. He shakes it off and drops ADR with a forearm shot before hitting some body blows. Standing back body drop by Langston before he rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler tags back in and misses a corner charge. ADR hits a thrust kick to the face, and then follows up with a Backstabber on an incoming Swagger. Langston comes back in and gets low-bridged to the floor, and Ziggler goes out next, courtesy of a clothesline. Zeb is in the ring, and ADR looks at him, calling for the jujigatame. Ziggler comes back in and hits a nice jumping DDT for 2. Ricardo tags in and goes after Langston, but Langston drops him with a standing avalanche. Swagger takes Langston out with an elevated belly-to-belly suplex, but is quickly hit with a step-up enziguri by ADR. Ziggler comes in with a schoolboy on ADR but only gets 2. ADR applies the rolling jujigatame and Ziggler taps out.

WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez.

We see some darkened area in the back, and what sounds like someone getting assaulted. The camera pans up to show The Shield. Dean Ambrose says it breaks your heart when “the champ” becomes “the chump”. They broke Cena, they broke The Undertaker, and they’ll break Kane next. Justice is what they dispense every day, and that’s what they’ll do to Kane tonight. They put ‘Taker down, but it could have been worse. Don’t believe them? By the end of the night, you will believe. Believe in The Shield. The camera pans back down, and we see that it was Daniel Bryan who was assaulted.

After the commercials, we see the referees and trainers checking on Bryan.

MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Orton starts with a side headlock before shouldering Sandow off the ropes. Lock-up, and Sandow goes to the headlock this time. Orton counters into his own, then hits another shoulderblock. Sandow suckers him into the corner, then stomps him down to the mat before choking Orton with his knee. Back up, Sandow hits the Venis kneelift, follows up with a snapmare and hits a jumping kneedrop for 2. Sandow applies a rear chinlock, then sends Orton to the corner. Orton reverses and hits the Four Moves of Boredom. Sandow blocks the fourth, though (the DDT), hotshots Orton, then sends him to the floor with a running knee strike. Commercials.

Back from the break, Orton counters a side headlock with a back suplex. Sandow comes back with a dropkick to the knee and hits a DDT for 2. Sandow picks Orton up for some kneelifts and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep before hitting the Cobito Aquiet, then hits a second one for 2. Sandow goes back to the rear chinlock, but Orton headbutts his way out. Sandow comes back with a boot before running into a dropkick. Back body drop connects, and Sandow rolls to the apron. Orton hits the suspended DDT from here and now calls for the RKO. The RKO connects and Orton gets the 3.

WINNER: Randy Orton. As Orton is celebrating, The Big Show comes out. He tells Orton he is amazing, but the problem is he’s not a team player. It’s all about Randy Orton. If Orton hadn’t had such a big ego at Wrestlemania and made the tag, they might have beaten The Shield, and Orton wouldn’t have gotten knocked out. All of a sudden, Sandow attacks Orton from behind and lays him out with the Terminus. Show laughs and says that is so funny. But, understand him: at Extreme Rules, there will be nothing funny about what Show does to him.

We see Kane leaving the trainer’s office when he’s stopped by Matt Striker, wanting to know Daniel Bryan’s condition. Kane says he’ll make The Shield pay for what they did to Bryan and his brother. He knows what he’s getting into and what’s going to happen to him. Sooner or later, they’ll get him down and make sure he’s stay down. But, he’s going to take down as many as he can. We’re going on a little journey to a place called Hell.

MATCH 7-Arm Wrestling Contest: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus
Henry stalls and tells the ref to make sure Sheamus’ hands and arms are dry. Is that a required spot in every arm wrestling contest in pro wrestling history? Henry takes his t-shirt off for whatever reason, and now the contest starts. Chris Jericho once said Scott Norton taught him a trick to winning any arm wrestling contest, no matter how strong or big you are. I’d love to know what it is. Anyway, Henry starts to win, but Sheamus begins taking control. He’s close to winning, but Henry takes control once more and beats him.

WINNER: Mark Henry. Wow. I’m surprised this didn’t end with Henry knocking the table over and attacking Sheamus. Like always. Sheamus congratulates Henry and says he has the stronger right arm, but he doesn’t believe Henry has the strongest left. He challenges Henry to a rematch, and Henry shrugs it off. Sheamus continues to egg him on, calling him scared. Of course, Henry gets back in the ring at this point. Henry agrees to the rematch, and Sheamus toys with him for a minute or two. Before it can start, Sheamus just punches Henry, then drops him with a Brogue Kick.

MATCH 8: Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion
Reigns is carrying Daniel Bryan’s WWE Tag Team title with him. Based on the fact that Ambrose is the only one who has gotten singles matches thus far, I think it’s obvious to everyone that even those within WWE know he’s going to be the breakout star of the group. Kane clears the ring before the match even starts by swinging his title belt. He boots Ambrose, then goes outside and throws Rollins into the barricade and throws Reigns over the announce desk. Rollins then gets clotheslined into the crowd. The match starts, and Kane throws Ambrose into the corner for some body blows and an uppercut. He boots Ambrose in the head, then throws him to the floor. Outside, Kane hotshots Ambrose onto the barricade before rolling him to the apron for a right hand to the jaw and a boot to the side of the face. Reigns is still out behind the desk. Back in the ring, Kane ties Ambrose up in the corner and hits a straight right, followed by a short-arm clothesline. Ambrose blocks a charge and mounts the middle rope, but gets an uppercut that sends him to the floor. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ambrose has taken control and is working over Kane’s left leg. During the break, Ambrose snapped Kane’s leg over his shoulder, hence the focus of his attack. Reigns and Rollins are both back up now. Ambrose hits a rolling leg snap on Kane. Kane tries to fight back, but Ambrose continues to assault Kane, who is now in the corner. Ambrose with some mounted corner punches, followed by a forearm shot to the face. Ambrose rolls outside and wraps Kane’s leg around the ring post twice, then applies a modified figure-4 before getting back in the ring, courtesy of the top rope. Kane has enough time to recover, and he launches Ambrose from the top. Kane hits a couple rights and a pair of corner clotheslines, followed by a sidewalk slam for 2. Kane goes up top for the flying clothesline, which connects. Kane is smiling as Rollins & Reigns are barking orders at Ambrose. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Ambrose escapes and goes for a DDT. Kane escapes and goes for the chokeslam once more, which hits. Kane doesn’t capitalize with a pin, however, and Ambrose begins to stir. Kane calls for the tombstone and hoists Ambrose up, but lets him go when he see Rollins on the apron. Kane boots Rollins to the floor, and Ambrose clotheslines him over the top. Kane lands on his feet, drags Ambrose outside and slams him face-first into the announce desk. He then attacks Reigns and throws him into the steps. Ambrose rolls back in the ring, and Kane follows. Ambrose dropkicks him in the bad knee, then hits a headlock driver, getting the 3.

WINNER: Dean Ambrose. Major victory here, all things considering. At this rate, Ambrose is going to be HUGE in WWE somewhere down the road. Kane gets back up and challenges The Shield to get back in the ring. He fights them off for a moment until they surround the ring. The numbers are too much, and they completely dominate him. He eventually begins to fight back and grabs Rollins & Ambrose in a double goozle, but Reigns comes out of nowhere with a spear. Kane is then dropped with a triple powerbomb. Ambrose rolls to the floor and grabs the tag belts and hands one to Rollins. The trio stand over Kane with the belts held over their heads.

End of show.

The opening match was good. The main event was good. Even the “Teddy Long Tag Team Extravaganza, Playa” was good. Episodes like this make my job so much easier. Oh, and in case I haven’t said it before, The Shield is the best idea WWE has had in ages, and thus far, it has been executed to perfection.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: The Best of In Your House

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

Shock of shocks, Hulk Hogan is opening this week’s Impact. On a side note for a moment, I would like to thank friend of CCB Brett Clendaniel, Jr. for his kind words in regards to my writing, especially in regards to my Impact recaps. Loyal support such as his makes this gig worthwhile. Anyway, Hogan says things almost came to blows between him and Sting last week, so we need to find out exactly what’s up with Sting right now. Sting makes his way out, and he very cautiously approaches the ring. Hogan tells him that all the business between them is out there, so let’s call things like we see them. Last week didn’t end with a pretty picture, and they almost came to blows. Before that, though, Hogan knows when he is right and wrong.

He got caught up between a bunch of personal stuff and business stuff. At the end of the day, when it came to making choices, Hogan was wrong, and he ran some of his friends off. The one he made the biggest mistake with was Sting, so he’s apologizing for that right now. Hogan offers a handshake, and Sting accepts. Hogan continues on, saying he should have been pulling Sting closer, and they should have been working together against Aces and Eights. Sting tells him they are together right now. It’s water under the bridge, and now, he has a request. He wants a 6-man next week against A and E, with him picking two partners. Hogan agrees to it. Tonight, however, the business at hand is to determine who faces Bully Ray at Slammiversary for the title.

Matt Morgan comes out and says that this is the part when Hogan hands a jerk-off another title match. Has he learned nothing? Hogan tells him his biggest fault is him running his mouth without knowing everything. From now on, there are no more handouts, and everyone who wants a top spot has to earn it. Before Morgan got in his face, he was going to say that the man who faces Bully Ray will not be Sting or Morgan. The man who takes that spot will be the winner of the main event tonight when it’s Matt Morgan vs. Sting. That’s what Hogan sees in his crystal ball, brother.

Video package for Chris Sabin, and he reflects on his back-to-back knee injuries and the rehabilitation process following them. Sabin has rehabbed for two full years worth of time across the two injuries. He is in action up next in his first match back.

Kurt Angle is pacing in the training room. He says Aces and Eights have taken over the company and taken the title, and tonight, he challenges any of those sonsofbitches to faces him in the ring one-on-one. They can beat him, but they can’t stop him.

MATCH 1-3-Way X-Division Match: Sonjay Dutt vs. Zema Ion vs. Chris Sabin
Dutt gets the jobber non-entrance, so hope for him is already very low. Sabin finally has new music. Ion slaps Sabin, and now Sabin & Dutt punch him, knocking him to the floor. Crisscross ends with a running hurricanrana by Dutt, followed by a deep armdrag into an armbar. Dutt breaks the hold to knock Ion off the apron before going back to Sabin. Sabin with a sunset flip, but Dutt lays on top of him. Sabin escapes and hits an enziguri for 2. They trade waistlocks with Sabin ending up on top. Ion comes in with a slingshot sunset flip, sending them both over and getting 2 on Sabin. Ion chokes Sabin in the corner, then hits a double kneedrop to the back. Dutt gets a hotshot from Ion, and Sabin comes back up and hits some chops. Ion pulls Sabin down by the hair, and the three end up in a weird backslide pin for 2. Sabin turns Ion into a modified surfboard, and Dutt breaks that up with a dropkick to Ion’s face. We learn that, in next week’s 3-way, Suicide makes his return. Yay. Wonder which member of Bad Influence will be playing the part? Anyway, Dutt hits some forearms on Sabin and goes for the Asai DDT, but Sabin counters into a fireman’s carry. Dutt escapes and hits a spinning headscissors that he turns into a DDT. Running shooting star press by Dutt, but Ion breaks up the pin. Dutt gets up and hits Ion, but Ion blocks a kick and hits a quick DDT for 2. Ion goes for a back suplex, but Dutt escapes and blocks a roll-up. He hits a thrust kick on Ion and Sabin hits a kick on Dutt before dropping Ion with a clothesline. Sabin counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb on Dutt, then holds on and turns it into a DVD. Dutt gets placed in the Tree of Woe, and Ion gets overhead belly-to-belly suplexed into Dutt. Sabin hits a sit-out Y2K Bomb on Ion for 3.

WINNER: Chris Sabin.

We see Jesse and Robbie E in the back rambling about some movie Jesse is starring in, then it turns into something about facing Rob Terry in a 3-on-1 handicap match. He holds up a picture of Joey Ryan, telling E that he should be their other partner.

Elsewhere, we see Bully Ray, with A and E behind him. He talks about Hogan and Sting mocking the group. They’re the frickin’ Aces and Eights. Nobody mocks them. Now he’s gotta worry about Morgan vs. Sting. Newsflash: he ain’t worrying about either one. No matter who he gets in Boston, he’ll get the job done. That brings us to Kurt Angle. Angle has been a thorn in the club’s ass since day one. No matter how hard they knock him down, he keeps getting back up. He wants Angle taken out, the same way Ray took care of Hardy. Who’s it gonna be? Wes Brisco steps up and says he wants it. Garett Bischoff then volunteers. D’Lo Brown steps between them and says he’ll do it. He’s been responsible for Aces and Eights, and he’s going to be the one responsible for taking out Angle. He guarantees he’ll get the job done, then swears his “colors” on. You know, I’ve wanted D’Lo in a main event since never. Good for TNA for making a nightmare into reality.

MATCH 2-3-on-1 Handicap Match: Jesse, Robbie E and Joey Ryan vs. Rob Terry
Ryan starts the match for his team and immediately gets clubbed down. He crawls to the corner, and Terry hits him with a running back elbow, followed by a back body drop. Jesse distracts Terry by pulling his tights, and Terry kicks him to the floor. Ryan attacks Terry’s knee and tags Jesse in, who hits some shots. E tags in and hits some forearms to the back. Jesse back in, and he begins kicking Terry. E back in, and he hits some forearms before applying a sleeper. Terry picks him up on his back, then rams E into the corner to break the hold. Terry misses a corner charge, and E capitalizes with some shoulder thrusts. Ryan tags in, and he has words with E for a moment before getting hit with a front powerslam. The three attack Terry, and he shoves them all off before hitting them with clotheslines and back elbows. Double back suplex on E and Jesse, and Ryan gets hit with what is apparently now called the Beast Bomb for 3.

WINNER: Rob Terry.

We see Austin Aries and Bobby Roode in the building. They’re apparently on their way to the ring.

Roode and Aries make their way out. Roode says Bad Influence played their mind games last week, and it got into his head a bit. They talked about reforming Fourtune, but this was never really about that. This was about BI’s jealousy of Roode and Aries & the World Tag Team titles, the same titles BI cost them last week. Aries says he didn’t believe BI for a second. BI are best friends. He and Roode barely like each other. But, they like each other enough to achieve a common goal. They don’t tell jokes; they go out to win championships. They are a team of World Champions, something Christopher Daniels and Kazarian will never know a thing about. BI make their way out on this note. Daniels tells Roode he was right about one thing: it was about the championships. However, Roode and Aries were wrong about being the next champions or even being a good team. Everyone knows they are a pale imitation of the best team in the business. Next week, the two teams face off with a title match on the line. Spoiler alert: it’s Bad Influence. Roode reminds us he cracked a beer bottle over his best friend’s head to be World Champion, and he’ll do whatever it takes with Aries to become champions again. Kaz says they can never “out-us us”, and Aries/Roode are nothing but Bad Influence-lite.

Now it’s time for Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez to make this segment intolerable. Chavo says time for talk is over, and it’s time for action. Next week, there will be action. Hulk Hogan named a special referee for next week’s match. As much as he or Hernandez would love that spot, it’s neither of them. The referee likes to count in 6 and 12-packs. Yep, it’s James Storm.

Sting enters the training room, where Kurt Angle is taping his knee. Sting asks him if he’s ready, then says he needs a minute alone with Angle.

Tara and Gail Kim are in a dressing room somewhere, complaining about Taryn Terrell. Kim says they need to embarrass her and Mickie James tonight, and she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

We get another Chris Sabin video, with this one filmed just after the match from earlier tonight. He’s glad to be back, and it’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Angle/Brown is up next. As the two are in the ring, the fans begin chanting “U-S-A!”. Makes sense, since we all know D’Lo Brown is from Lichtenstein. Before the match, Brown says he told his brothers he’d beat Angle in the middle of the ring. But as he stands here, that won’t be good enough. He needs to humiliate Angle, so tonight, he’s going to do something no one has ever done before: he’s going to beat Angle in an “I Quit” Match.

MATCH 3-“I Quit” Match: D’Lo Brown vs. Kurt Angle
Ugh. I can’t believe I have to recap this. Oh, wait. It’s TNA. Of course I can believe it. I just wish I didn’t have to. As Angle agrees to the match stipulation, Brown hits him in the head with the mic. Angle comes back with rights and a clothesline. Single-leg takedown by Angle, and he turns it into a modified STF. The ref asks if Brown wants to quit, and he won’t. We see Mr. Anderson and a couple other A and E members come to ringside through the crowd. Angle gets distracted, which allows Brown to hit a suplex. He rolls to the outside, dragging Angle to the floor and throwing him shoulder-first intot he ring post. He grabs the ring bell hammer and goes to nail Angle, but Angle moves. Brown continues the attack on the left arm, wrapping it around the post. Angle won’t quit, so Brown slams the arm into the mat and rolls Angle back in the ring. Snapmare by Brown, and he begins stomping on the arm before hitting a legdrop. Brown with an arm wringer now, but Angle fights out before running into a jumping side kick. Thanks to the extra 100 lbs., Brown could barely get himself up there. Brown applies a jujigatame, and Angle says, “Hell no!” in response to whether or not he wants to quit. Angle breaks the hold by countering into the ankle lock, but Brown kicks him off and hits a clothesline. Taz tells us Brown has never looked better. Uh-huh. Brown applies a cobra clutch, and Angle still won’t quit. Angle armdrags out of it, ducks a clothesline and hits the Murder-Suicide. After three, Angle holds on for a fourth. Then a fifth. Brown tells the referee to kick his ass, and Angle hits a sixth German suplex. I remember a dead guy once doing that. Wonder if he somehow stole it from Angle, despite doing it several years beforehand? I’m sure we’ll find out in a supposedly drunken tweet. Angle applies the ankle lock, but Brown kicks him off once more. Angle charges in, and Brown counters into a Samoan drop. Brown is back up first, and he sets Angle up for a powerbomb. Angle counters into a sunset flip and rolls through into an ankle lock. Brown tries to fight out, but Angle cinches it in and grapevines the leg. Brown taps, but that doesn’t count, and the ref reminds him of such. Brown then screams “I quit!” into the mic.

WINNER: Kurt Angle. Aces and Eights head back through the crowd without taking Brown with them. Christy Hemme stops Angle on the ramp and asks if this was revenge for him. Angle says he won a battle, but now he has his mind on someone else, and that is AJ Styles. He wants AJ out here right now and knows he’s here. Commercials.

Back from the break, Angle is still in the ring calling for AJ Styles to come out. Another “U-S-A!” chant breaks out. This also makes sense, since AJ is originally from Vatican City. AJ finally comes down the ramp and gets in the ring, getting in Angle’s face in the process. Angle backs up and says AJ doesn’t look the same, like he wants to take Angle’s head off. Before he does that, he won’t get very far since this is Angle’s hometown (it’s actually not). So, everyone wants to recruit AJ. Going with A and E would be the easy way out. Angle has taken the easy way and gotten a lot of success, but that’s not AJ’s way. AJ is the reason he came to TNA, and they had some of the greatest matches of all time. He knows AJ is in a dark time and he understands that, but next week, he and Sting are taking on A and E, and they need him. If AJ stands with them, that’s cool. If not, they have problems. Next week, the choice belongs to AJ.

AI asks Matt Morgan about waiting for tonight’s opportunity. Morgan screams and rants about how he’s pissed off, and tonight, he’s taking the ball. Tonight, he “guts through” Sting, and at Slammiversary, he “guts through” Bully Ray, and you’re looking at the next World Champion. GAARRRRRHHHH!

MATCH 4: Gail Kim and Tara vs. Taryn Terrell and Mickie James
Taryn begins attacking both heels until Tara holds her for a shot. James grabs Kim from behind, and the faces ram their heads together, knocking them to the floor. Kim and Tara argue as Taryn kicks them both through the ropes before rolling Kim back in the ring. Kim gets sent to the corner for a clothesline. James makes a blind tag. Taryn hits a snapmare, and James hits a seated dropkick for 2. James botches a rolling jujigatame, but Kim gets to the ropes. As James argues with referee ODB, Kim nails her with a shot. They trade punches until Kim kicks James in the gut and hits some forearms to the face. James ducks a clothesline and botches an enziguri for 2. Kim backs James into the corner with a shoulder thrust, but James blocks a charge with a back elbow. Kim blocks the Tunacanrana, but knocks James to the floor as Tara causes a distraction. Tara rolls James back in the ring, where Kim hits a short-arm clothesline. She throws James into Tara’s boot, and now Tara tags in, with the heels double-stomping James to the mat. Tara hangs James by her hair, then drops her on her face. Tara drops an elbow for 2 before knocking Taryn to the floor. Back to James, Tara applies an inverted STF, and Taryn breaks up the hold with a stomp. Kim back in, and she throws James to the corner. This time, James connects with the Tunacanrana, and then both women go for a cross-body at the same time, crashing in the middle of the ring. Tara and Taryn tag in, and Taryn hits a couple of clotheslines, a back elbow and a snap suplex. Up top, Taryn connects with a cross-body for 2 as Kim breaks it up. James comes in and botches a roundhouse on Kim. Tara knocks James down, and Taryn rolls Tara up for the 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Taryn Terrell. It’s a bit disturbing that Kenely kept referring to Taryn as a “hot mess”. After the match, Tara and Kim attack the faces. James and Tara brawl up the ramp as Kim beats on Taryn in the ring, hitting Eat Defeat and ramming Taryn’s head into the mat before dragging her to the ringpost for Bret Hart’s figure-4 around the post spot until ODB and several other referees break up the hold.

We see Aces and Eights in the back once more, and Bully Ray is pissed about D’Lo Brown saying “I quit” earlier tonight. Brown swore his “colors” on victory and said, “I quit”? Garett starts talking smack, and Ray says that, just because Brown was a douche to him doesn’t mean he can be a douch to Brown. He’s going to take care of Brown next week. Also next week is the 6-man, and he’s picking Devon and Anderson as his partners.

Bobby Roode talks about Bad Influence and how neither member has been World Champion while he and Austin Aries have. They will, without a shadow of a doubt, walk into Tupelo, MS and become the new #1 contenders, and Chavo & Hernandez know they can’t hold a candle to Roode and Aries.

MATCH 5-Winner becomes the new #1 Contender for the World Championship: Matt Morgan vs. Sting
Looks like TNA is having Morgan wear Hogan’s cape again. Lock-up to start the match, and Morgan immediately backs Sting into the corner for a kneelift before headbutting Sting to the mat. Morgan with a foot choke near the ropes, but Sting begins to fight back. Morgan cuts him off with a kneelift, then follows up with a clothesline. Morgan chokes Sting in the corner, then hits another headbutt. Sting fights back with punches and backhands until Morgan goozles him and hits a chokeslam for 2. Commercials.

Back from the break, Morgan is dominating sting on the outside. Sting tries a comeback and manages to slam Morgan into the steps. Morgan no-sells it, hits a kneelift and rolls Sting back in the ring, where he foot-chokes him. Morgan rolls outside and drags Sting’s head to the apron, where he hits an apron legdrop. Morgan gets back on the apron for another one, but misses it when Sting rolls out of the way. Sting throws Morgan into the guardrail, then throws him into it on the opposite side of the ring. Sting rakes the eyes and slams Morgan’s face into the steps before rolling him into the ring. Morgan reverses a corner whip and hits Sting with a sidewalk slam for 2. Morgan chokes Sting, then sits across Sting’s back a couple of times. Morgan then goes for the pin after mocking Hogan, getting 2. Morgan hits a short-arm clothesline, and Sting comes back with some rights. Morgan cuts him off with a kneelift again and hits a bodyslam before missin an elbow drop. Sting avoids a corner charge and hits some rights, followed by a pair of clotheslines. Sting with a slo-mo Stinger Splash, but Morgan shakes it off and throws Sting to the corner for some back elbow strikes. Sting no-sells and throws Morgan to the corner for a clothesline and goes for the Stinger Splash once more, but runs into the Carbon Footprint for 2. Sting goes to the corner and Morgan calls for the Footprint again. He very weakly misses it in the corner, and Sting kicks him in the leg a few times before applying the scorpion deathlock, barely getting it on. After a minute or so, Morgan manages to get a rope break. Sting drags him back into the ring and reapplies the hold, getting him into the center of the ring, but still applying it pretty weakly. Sting eventually sits all the way down onto Morgan’s back, and Morgan eventually passes out.

WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Sting. TNA basically lifted the Austin/Hart spot from Wrestlemania 13, minus the blood, only it wasn’t nearly as good. As Sting is celebrating, Aces and Eights come to the ring and surround Sting, with Bully Ray talking trash.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: For All Mankind- The Life and Career of Mick Foley- with Mr. Socko Sock Puppet (Limited Edition)

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This week on WWE Friday Night SmackDown, we get a rare televised Undertaker match, as he goes one-on-one with Dean Ambrose in Ambrose’s singles debut. And hey, we’re immediately starting the show with a match.

MATCH 1-No Disqualification Match: Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)
ADR fires off some rights, knees Swagger in the gut, and clotheslines him to the floor. He follows up with a suicide dive, landing on his feet in the process. ADR grabs Swagger’s bad arm and rams it into the steps, then goes under the ring for a kendo stick. As he gets in the ring, Swagger cuts him off, grabs the stick and begins attacking ADR’s bad knee with it. More strikes to the upper body with the stick by Swagger until ADR blocks one to the chest and gets back to his feet as they fight over the stick. ADR mule kicks Swagger in the gut, sending him to the corner. He charges in, but Swagger backdrops him to the floor. Outside, Swagger talks some trash and goes under the ring for a ladder. ADR gets back up and kicks Swagger in the face before he can get it, and now they’re trading punches up the ramp. Suplex on the ramp by ADR, and now he goes back for the ladder. He angles it on the apron as Cole calls it a “10-foot ladder” despite the fact that it’s clearly about the same height as ADR, if not a bit shorter. Swagger charges in, and ADR pancakes him into the ladder. Commercials.

Back from the break, Swagger is in control in the ring, with ADR locked in a front chancery. During the break, Swagger nailed ADR repeatedly with the kendo stick. Back to the match, ADR fights out of the chancery, but runs right into an elevated belly-to-belly for 2. Swagger goes outside and grabs the timekeeper’s chair. JBL calling the weapons in these matches “toys” pisses me off. Swagger gets on the apron, and ADR nails him with a step-up enziguri. Swagger rolls back into the ring and kicks ADR in the bad knee and hits a clothesline for 2. He goes back outside for the chair and wedges it in between the middle and top rope in the corner. ADR pops up with a double-knee armbreaker, and now both men are down. ADR is up first, and he hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one and follows up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger rolls to the apron, so ADR pulls him through the middle and top rope, grabs the kendo stick and begins striking Swagger in the back with it. He hits nine strikes and follows up with a suspended Backstabber for 2. ADR calls for the rolling jujigatame and goes for it, but Swagger shoves him into the corner. ADR puts the breaks on and hits a thrust kick to the face for 2. ADR needs to not slap his thigh so obviously when he does that move. Anyway, he walks over to Swagger, and Swagger grabs him in the Patriot Lock. ADR counters into the jujigatame, and Swagger gets back to his feet, pinning ADR while still in the hold, only getting 2. He immediately sends ADR shoulder-first into the chair in the corner, getting 2 once more. Swagger rolls to the floor and grabs another ladder, putting it in the ring through the ropes. ADR see-saws it into Swagger’s face, and Swagger’s lip is busted open. ADR rolls outside, where Zeb has grabbed the stick. He distracts ADR, which allows Swagger to run the ladder into ADR’s face. Back in the ring, Swagger goes for the pin, getting 2. Swagger goes for the Swagger Bomb, but ADR gets his knees up and immediately goes for the jujigatame. Swagger starts to block it, but ADR manages to lock it in. Zeb hands the stick to Swagger, and he breaks the hold by nailing ADR in the head repeatedly. He gets up, hits ADR a few more times, then throws a ladder on top of him. Swagger hits the falling Doctor Bomb and manages to get the 3.

WINNER: Jack Swagger. Decent match, but honestly, I liked last week’s match better.

Later tonight, Sheamus faces The Big Show, and Randy Orton takes on Mark Henry.

MATCH 2: Aksana vs. Layla
It’s funny how, even pandering to the hometown crowd with her Union Jack-themed outfit, the fans don’t give a cat’s ass about her. Layla starts by kicking Aksana in the gut, then shoving her ass into Aksana’s face. Aksana counters a corner whip, blocks a headscissors and sends Layla to the floor with a kick through the ropes after dropping her over the top. Aksana throws Layla into the ring and, as she’s attempting to be sexy on the apron (not buying it), Layla kicks her. Back in the ring, Layla rolls her up in a schoolgirl for 1. Jackknife gets 2 for Layla. Hair whip by Layla, but as she goes for it again, Aksana counters into a stun gun and follows up with a running knee to the face for 2. Aksana stomps on Layla’s hand, then applies a wristlock. She sends Layla into the corner, and Layla collapses to the mat. Aksana continues to work on the arm before hitting a snapmare and a kick to the back. Layla comes back with some kicks, and Aksana blocks the Bombshell and sends Layla to the mat for an elbow, getting 2. Layla counters an Irish whip into a roll-through pin, then continues rolling into a crucifix for the 3.

WINNER: Layla. According to Josh Mathews, Layla calls her new move Infinity. Yay.

We get a promo from The Shield. Ambrose says they stood face-to-face with the tag champs and The Undertaker, and what happened? Justice prevailed, and The Shield were victorious. They were unbreakable. It’s an injustice Team Hell No! are still champs, but not for long. The Undertaker escaped with his soul intact, but not for long. ‘Taker is still walking and breathing, and that isn’t right. Tonight, Ambrose is going to beat ‘Taker, if it’s the last thing he does. Justice, not ‘Taker, will be immortal. At the hands of The Shield, ‘Taker will not rest in peace, but he will believe in The Shield.

MATCH 3: Fandango (w/Summer Rae) vs. Justin Gabriel
Rae hasn’t been formally introduced, but that’s who she works as in NXT, so that’s what I’m calling her until further notice. The whole crowd is chanting “ChaChaLaLa”, despite the fact that the music has stopped. Fandango boots Gabriel to the head, but Gabriel escapes a suplex, sweeps Fandango and rolls him up for 2. Fandango slides to the floor, then shoulders Gabriel on the way back into the ring before getting hit with an armdrag into an armbar. Fandango shoves Gabriel to the corner and breaks the hold with some punches before hitting a knee to the side of the head. Gabriel is tied up through the ropes, and Fandango nails some forearms to the back of the head, then jumps outside and nails Gabriel with Dolph Ziggler’s old apron kick for 2. Gabriel comes back with a jumping roundhouse and a standard one. In the corner, he floats over Fandango off a forearm shot and goes for a springboard cross-body, but gets nailed with a kick to the gut. Fandango hits a side-Russian legsweep and then goes up top and hits the guillotine legdrop for 3.

WINNER: Fandango.

MATCH 4: Sheamus vs. The Big Show
Show immediately throws Sheamus to the mat out of a lockup. Another lockup, and Sheamus manages to throw Show into the corner. Sheamus fires off some rights and kicks, but is immediately stopped by a headbutt from Show. Show ties Sheamus in the ropes and hits a series of open-hand chops. Sheamus comes back with rights until Show just shoves him over the top rope and to the floor. Show follows and continues attacking Sheamus on the outside before rolling him back in. Sheamus cuts Show off at the apron, then ties him up for some forearms to the chest. Show shakes them off and headbutts Sheamus. Sheamus blocks a corner charge, but gets hit with a sidewalk slam. Running elbow connects, and Show gets 2. Show chokes Sheamus over the middle rope, then hits another headbutt. Final Cut connects, and Show gets another 2. Sheamus starts to fight back with right hands and goes for a bodyslam, but Show falls on top of Sheamus for 2. He then walks across Sheamus’ stomach before hitting another headbutt. Sheamus collapses against the ropes, and Show boots him. Sheamus’ upper half winds up underneath the bottom rope, so Show goes outside and hits an open-hand chop to the chest. Commercials.

Back from the break, Show is still in control, and he throws Sheamus shoulder-first into the ring post, sending Sheamus crashing to the floor. Outside, Show throws Sheamus into the ring steps, breaking them apart in the process. Show rolls back into the ring to start the count over and Sheamus makes it in at 9. Show throws Sheamus shoulder-first into the top turnbuckle, then drops his weight across Sheamus’ arm. Sheamus swings wildly and Show clubs him down with a forearm before applying a top wristlock. Sheamus fights out, knocking Show to his knees. Sheamus follows up with a snap DDT, then begins nailing Show with right hands. Show comes back with body blows. Both men are back up, and Sheamus hits a pair of clotheslines, a running shoulder thrust in the corner, a running kneelift, and the Battering Ram from the top rope. Sheamus goes for White Noise, but Show blocks it and goes for the chokeslam. Sheamus escapes and hits White Noise. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, but Show sees it coming and rolls to the floor. Sheamus hits a running double axe handle to the back from the apron, but Show comes back with rights and crawls back in the ring. Sheamus hotshots Show’s left arm from the floor and goes back up top. Mark Henry appears out of nowhere and knocks the ring steps over, distracting Show. This allows Show to hit Sheamus with the WMD while he’s still on the top rope. Sheamus falls to the mat, and Show gets the 3.

WINNER: The Big Show.

MATCH 5: William Regal vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett (non-title)
I realize that Regal is only out here because we’re in England, but I don’t care. Regal is one of my all-time favorite workers, and the fact that he’s taking on Barrett, one of my current favorites, makes me very happy. Before the match, Barrett says that he realizes we’re in England, and the country is infamous for grave robberies. He never would have believed the story until today, when he found out there was a body missing from a crypt, and that body is standing in the ring. But don’t worry Regal-you’re about to get sent back from whence you came at the hands of the great Barrett Barrage. Bell sounds, and Barrett hits some knees. Regal comes back with a clothesline and hits some kneelifts in the corner. Barrett lands a mule kick out of the corner and Barrett goes for the Bull Hammer. Regal ducks and hits a carousel suplex. He goes for the knee trembler, but Barrett moves and blasts Regal with the Hammer for 3.

WINNER: Wade Barrett. I was really hoping for more here, so I’m pretty disappointed. Still, I got to see Regal, which is always a good thing.

MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
Henry backs Orton into the corner, hits a clothesline and goes for the WSS. Orton escapes and hits some rights, knocking Henry to the floor. Orton follows and forearms Henry in the back of the head. Henry fights back with punches and headbutts and goes to lawn dart Orton into the post. Orton escapes and shoves Henry face-first into it. Back in the ring, Orton attacks Henry as he’s rolling in, then goes for the Garvin Stomp. Henry pops back up and hits a running clothesline before choking Orton over the middle rope. Henry hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner, but Orton manages to fight back with rights. Henry stays on his feet after receiving a clothesline, but gets knocked down on the second attempt. Orton hits a DDT and gets 2. Henry rolls to the apron, and Orton goes for the suspended DDT, which connects. Orton calls for the RKO, but Henry rolls to the floor. Orton follows, and ends up getting rammed back-first into the ring post. Back in the ring, Henry goes after Orton, but Sheamus runs down and hits a Brogue Kick to cause the DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Mark Henry. Orton hits an RKO on Henry shortly thereafter.

MATCH 7: The Undertaker vs. Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins)
Rollins and Reigns distract ‘Taker, and Ambrose capitalizes with rights. ‘Taker mostly shakes it off and counters with his own punches, sending Ambrose to the floor where he gets rammed into the barricade. ‘Taker rolls Ambrose onto the apron, hitting a legdrop. Back in the ring, ‘Taker misses a running boot in the corner and falls to the apron. Ambrose baseball slides him to the floor, then follows out for some mounted punches before ramming ‘Taker into the barricade and throwing him back in the ring. Ambrose continues the attack, grinding his forearm against ‘Taker’s face in the corner before tying him up in the ropes and hitting a running seated dropkick for 2. Ambrose applies a cravat and eventually turns it into a neckbreaker for 2. Ambrose hits some rights, then mocks ‘Taker’s throat cut. ‘Taker goozles him and gets to his feet, but Ambrose fights out, and now the two trade punches. Ambrose hits a running kneelift, but then runs into a chokeslam. ‘Taker knocks Rollins off the apron, and as Reigns distracts the ref, Ambrose hits a low blow on ‘Taker and a modified DDT gets 2. As Ambrose goes to capitalize, ‘Taker traps him in Hell’s Gate and gets the tapout victory.

WINNER: The Undertaker. After the match, The Shield swarm ‘Taker and eventually triple powerbomb him through the table.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

-Dustin

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: Undertaker – The Streak

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