Christian is already in the ring as WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens. I’m curious how long they’re going to keep this Sheamus/Christian thing going, especially since Sheamus has beaten him in three straight singles matches over the last couple of weeks already. Alberto Del Rio is on commentary for the opening contest, because he feels the need to ruin my night right away.
The two lock up, and Ziggler applies a side headlock before shouldering Christian off the ropes. Christian calls for a test of strength, then boots Ziggler in the gut before hitting an uppercut. Ziggler ducks a pair of clotheslines, then puts on the brakes. He ducks a third, then hits one of his own. Christian nails an uppercut, so Ziggler tackles him and nails a few punches. He loads up his series of elbows, hitting five. Christian rolls away, so Ziggler pulls him back, hits four more and the Show-Off Elbow for 2. Christian dumps Ziggler to the floor, but Ziggler lands on his feet and avoids a baseball slide. Christian gets his bearings and hits a flapjack onto the apron before hitting a catapult into the ring steps. Christian heads back into the ring as the referee begins the 10-count. Ziggler makes it back in at 9, and Christian stomps him on the way in. Back to his feet, Ziggler gets nailed with another uppercut before Christian stands on his back. Ziggler comes back with some gut shots, but runs into a back elbow for 2. Christian hits some mounted punches, but Ziggler surprises him with a sunset flip for 2. Christian recovers and hits a clothesline for 2 before dumping Ziggler to the floor near the announce desk. Christian drops to the floor and slams Ziggler face-first into the desk. Back in the ring, Christian mocks Ziggler before hitting a second-rope missile dropkick for 2. He applies a rear chinlock now, and Ziggler fights his way out until Christian whips him down by the hair. He hooks Ziggler under the bottom rope and catapults him into it, then hits a jumping stomp using the ropes. Ziggler gets locked in a neck vice, but then counters with a jawbreaker. Christian hits a back elbow and a mule kick, then goes to the middle for a cross-body, where he’s met with a Ziggler dropkick. They trade rights until Ziggler hits a cross-body into mounted punches. He follows up with some corner-mounted punches and a neckbreaker for 2. Christian gets to his feet and looks for the Killswitch. Ziggler escapes and goes for the Zig-Zag. Christian ducks it, but then turns around into a leaping DDT for 2. Christian trips Ziggler and tries to pin him while using the ropes, but the ref sees it and refuses the count. Christian blocks another Zig-Zag attempt and goes for a tornado DDT. Ziggler escapes and hits a sit-out facebuster from the middle rope for 2 as ADR climbs up on the announce desk. He begins taunting Ziggler, which allows Christian to quickly hit the Killswitch and get 3.
Renee Young congratulates Christian, then asks why he’s been directing his anger towards Sheamus. Before Christian can get into it, Sheamus marches down to the ring, and now the two are brawling. Sheamus completely dominates Christian, throwing him across the ring. Christian ducks a Brogue Kick and slides the to floor, where he escapes up the ramp.
Batista makes his way down, and he’s back to the douchetastic leather vest from the end of his last run with the company. Michael Cole tries to call the overwhelming boos a “mixed reaction”, but that dog isn’t going to hunt. Last week on SD, he came out here and asked a very simple question: where have all the real men in WWE gone? The answer he got was Dolph Ziggler, a little pretty-boy wannabe, looking for his 15 minutes of fame. What happened? He destroyed Ziggler, just like he said he would. Last Monday on RAW, what does he get? Another fan hero. A sawed-off, goat-faced troll named Daniel Bryan. As you’re all aware, it was the same outcome. He destroyed Bryan in the middle of the ring, and it was that simple. Bryan is no superhero. Batista is a superhero. He’s humble, though, and doesn’t need the fans to cheer him.
Daniel Bryan cuts short, thankfully. Bryan asks if Batista thinks he’s the hero, then polls the crowd about that. They soundly boo Batista, and Batista says the hero is definitely not Bryan. The day they let fans in the locker room is the day the business went wrong. Bryan is nothing more than an overblown fan. He then tells Bryan to buy a ticket to watch Batista main-event at Wrestlemania and becomes the new WWE World Champion. Bryan says Batista’s skinny jeans must be too tight and cutting off the circulation to his brain. Batista forgets that he left Bryan laying after Randy Orton interfered. Bryan took him down, along with Kane. Then it was Triple H, who Bryan kicked in the head. Before all of that, he had Batista beat. Yes, he is a fan like everyone in this crowd, and if he were Batista, he’d be embarrassed that a fan nearly took him out on Monday night. Batista tells Bryan to never presume to know what Batista thinks. He’s not only bigger, stronger, faster and better-looking, he’s also smarter and will always be one step ahead. The moment he came back, it became his universe, and he’s allowing Bryan to exist in his universe. But, if Bryan keeps mouthing off, he has zero problem ending Bryan’s existence in his universe. Bryan says he doesn’t want to be in a universe where they wear vests, horrible sunglasses indoors, skinny jeans and think belly button tattoos are cool. How awesome is a nose ring? Batista attacks Bryan on this note, but Bryan ducks and nails Batista before dropkicking him to the floor.
Kane makes his way out, and Batista attacks Bryan from behind off the distractiong. Batista hits a short-arm clothesline, and now Kane is in the ring. They double-team Bryan with stomps, but it’s not long before the Big Show runs down to the ring, sending Kane and Batista running.
Vickie Guerrero comes out in an extremely frumpy outfit and says the four of these men are acting like a bunch of animals. Later tonight, they will have the opportunity to settle this like men when Kane and Batista face Bryan and Show in a tag team match.
Later tonight, we will get the Shield Summit.
MATCH 2: Rybaxel (Curtis Axel and Ryback) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions the Usos (Jey and Jimmy) (non-title)
I’m glad to see the Usos finally holding the belts. They’ve worked damn hard for nearly five years to get to this point, and they deserve it. Jey and Axel start the match, and Axel immediately applies an armbar before tagging in Ryback, who misses a clothesline and gets nailed in the face. Jey hits a series of chops to the gut before tagging in Jimmy. The Usos hit a bunch of chops, followed a double knife-edge for 2. Ryback comes back with a knee to the gut and applies a side headlock. Jimmy ducks a clothesline, and then gets low-bridged by Axel. Axel tags in, drops to the floor and rams Jimmy back-first into the apron before hitting a series of rights. Back in the ring, Jimmy receives a running knee to the head for 2. Axel stomps him down, then tags in Ryback before launching himself onto JImmy’s chest on the apron. Ryback applies a version of the top wristlock. Jimmy tries to break free with knees, but then gets knocked down before receiving a bodyslam. Ryback misses a headbutt from the middle rope, and now Jey tags in, slides through Ryback’s legs, hits a mule kick and an uppercut. Ryback catches him off the ropes and goes for a powerslam, but Jey escapes and hits a full-nelson bomb, followed by a Samoan drop. He nails Ryback with a running hip bump for 2, but Axel breaks it up. Jimmy comes in and low-bridges Axel to the floor. Ryback goes for a powerslam on Jimmy, but Jey pulls him down and the Usos hit a double superkick. Jimmy nails Axel on the floor with a suicide dive, and Jey hits the Samoan splash on Ryback for 3.
WINNERS: The Usos.
Byron Saxton is standing by with Kane. He reminds Kane that Daniel Bryan defeated him on Main Event. Kane says Bryan got lucky, and that luck runs out tonight. Bryan has anger issues and an inferiority complex. Because of that, he constantly makes bad decisions, like challenging Triple H at WM. Kane has a solution: he’s going to rip Bryan’s beard off and shove it down his throat.
MATCH 3: Eva Marie and Natalya vs. WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka
Eva and Tamina start the match. Tamina shoves Eva, then takes her down with a headlock. Eva stomps her foot and applies a side headlock of her own before shouldering Tamina off the ropes. They crisscross until Eva hits an armdrag. Tamina backs her into the corner by her hair, and AJ shoves Eva from behind. This allows Tamina to nail Eva and knock her down. AJ tags in and hits a back elbow off the ropes for 2. Eva goes face-first into the top buckle, and now Tamina tags in, nailing a gut shot and a European uppercut. AJ tags back in and kicks Eva in the gut before applying a sleeper. Eva tries to crawl to her corner, snaps AJ off and ducks between her legs. AJ grabs her foot and gets kicked away. Nattie tags in, hits a clothesline, a boot to the gut and a snap suplex. She hits another snap suplex, but then gets booted off the ropes. She recovers and hits a version of the Nutcracker Suite for 2 as Tamina breaks up the pin. Tamina hits Nattie with a kneelift before getting hit with a discus clothesline that sends Tamina to the floor. AJ tries for the Black Widow, and Nattie reverses into the Sharpshooter, getting the submission win in the process.
WINNERS: Eva Marie and Natalya.
The Shield (sans Seth Rollins) make their way out for the Shield Summit, where they are apparently going to address all of their recent issues. Dean Ambrose says they can handle getting beat up, getting hurt and physical pain. However, there’s one thing they can’t handle, and that’s being lied to by somebody he trusts. He feels like they’ve been lied to for the past 18 months. He assumed they had each others’ backs, but Rollins didn’t have their back on RAW. Instead, he walked out in the middle of a war. Since Rollins called this summit, he needs to come out here and say something. After the wars they’ve been through, Rollins needs to explain himself before a new war breaks out. By the look on Roman Reigns’ face, Rollins has about 30 seconds.
The Shield’s music hits again, and Rollins makes his way out on the floor by the stage. He climbs up on the apron, and Reigns says he hopes Rollins has thought about what he’s going to say, and it better be good. Rollins gets it. Maybe Monday night wasn’t the best decision he made. But the war isn’t with the Wyatts; the war is within the Shield. It’s no secret they haven’t been the same for a while, but on Monday, he sacrificed himself for the greater good to get them on the same page. Ambrose didn’t realize he was making such a sacrifice by leaving them for dead. He fought the Wyatts off. Rollins just walked off. Rollins says that, for the first time in months, Reigns and Ambrose are seeing eye-to-eye. He’s proving his point and is already halfway there. Rollins enters the ring at this point and says they can call this right now. They can walk and go their separate ways and they’ll be fine. But what if fine isn’t good enough? From the moment they came to WWE, they’ve been kicking down walls. If they stand united, no one can take them down. So, let’s be the Shield and take this place back. Ambrose mocks Rollins, then shoves him down. Reigns then shoves Ambrose down. Rollins says he’ll know what will make this work and make him feel better. He then slaps Ambrose and says that felt great. Now that that’s out of his system, he thinks Ambrose needs to get something out, too. He offers to take one for the team, so Ambrose slaps him and knocks him down. Reigns steps between the two of them as Rollins gets back to his feet. He asks if they’re done here, or are they just done? He sticks his fist out, and Reigns does the same. Ambrose, who is now sporting a bloody lip, joins them.
MATCH 4: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
ADR gets a jobber non-entrance. Sweet. The two lock up, and Sheamus’ arm is taped up from the attack on Monday night. They get a rope break, and ADR lands a couple of kicks. Sheamus comes back with some punches, some shoulder thrusts in the corner, and a clothesline over the top rope. Sheamus misses the Battering Ram from the apron, but rolls through, lands on his feet, picks ADR up and hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam on the outside. Sheamus then throws ADR into the barricade before rolling him back into the ring. Sheamus drops a series of knees, and ADR slides to the floor. Sheamus follows, and ADR grabs him, throwing him shoulder-first into the steps. ADR follows up by slamming him face-first into the steps, then dropkicks Sheamus’ bad arm into the side of the steps. Commercials.
Back from the break, ADR hits the step-up enziguri in the corner, knocks Sheamus to the apron. ADR pulls him into the ring for a 2-count, then applies an armbar to the bad arm. Sheamus gets back to his feet and begins nailing ADR with rights. ADR comes back with a kick off the ropes, but then misses a dropkick against the ropes, sliding between them. He pulls himself to his feet on the apron, and Sheamus meets him with a clothesline. ADR rolls back in, and Sheamus hits him with a pair of Irish Hammers. ADR nails a knee in the corner, but Sheamus recovers and hits a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for 2. He heads up top for the Battering Ram, but ADR cuts him off. Sheamus fights back with rights and tries to tie him up in the ropes. He succeeds and hits the Beats of the Bodhran (what he now calls the series of forearm shots). ADR escapes after a few and nails a thrust kick. ADR pulls him back into the ring and gets 2. ADR signals for the rolling jujigatame and goes for it, but Sheamus shoves him off, hits a running shoulder thrust, a running knee and looks for White Noise. ADR escapes, but then runs into the Irish Curse for 2. Sheamus pulls ADR up, and ADR hits the double-knee armbreaker before going right into the rolling jujigatame. Sheamus gets to his feet while in the hold and breaks it by deadlifting ADR up and hitting a modified powerbomb. ADR recovers quickly and reapplies the jujigatame, but Sheamus gets his feet on the bottom rope. ADR stomps Sheamus in the corner, then tries to yank Sheamus by the arm. The referee pulls him off, and Sheamus blasts him with the Brogue Kick for 3.
The screen cuts away to the Wyatt Family. Luke Harper asks John Cena why he does it. Is it the fame? The glory? When will he realize it’s all one big nothing. Bray Wyatt enters the area in front of the camera and says, “We’re not in Wonderland anymore, Alice.” John Cena feels the need to fill a void inside of him. The burden of his legacy weighs heavily on his shoulders. After all, kids, what would Cena be without his legacy? Wyatt has a legacy of his own. His father was the war. His brother was the snare that trapped him and forced him to watch. His mother was the streets that showed him the world. He is what you’ve made him. He doesn’t want to save Cena. There’s nothing to fix. He just wants to warm his hands as it all burns down. Follow the buzzards.
Batista is in the back gearing up when Byron Saxton enters to ask him about the match tonight. Batista says Bryan hiding behind a new buddy. He’ll run through both Bryan and Show, with or without Kane. Then he can focus on Randy Orton. When he wins the title from Orton, then there will be a real man as the face of WWE.
Lana comes out to introduce Alexander Rusev in basically the same spot from Monday night. Lana is almost as awful as Uta Ludendorff, Alex Wright’s short-lived manager during his days as a Neo-Nazi in WCW.
Renee Young is standing by with Daniel Bryan and the Big Show. She asks about Batista calling Bryan an ordinary man who hides behind show because he’s not a real man. Bryan says that means Triple H isn’t a real man either, because he hides behind everyone, including his wife. Show laughs and asks if he should get skinny jeans, if that will make him a real man. He then calls them a team like David and Goliath. Better yet, respect the beard, fear the giant. The two then start a simultaneous “Yes!” chant.
I’ve noticed Batista is pulling a Flair and wearing his kneepads around his calves, which likely means he forgot to work them out during his hiatus and now they’re scrawny. Pretty typical meathead behavior, so I’m not surprised. Bryan and Kane start the match. Kane nails a boot and an uppercut, then hits a back elbow off the ropes for 1. Bryan ducks a clothesline and hits a Thesz Press, right into some punches. Bryan nails a couple of kicks and tags in Show, who whips Bryan into Kane, with Bryan nailing a dropkick. Show nails a couple of gut shots, then slaps Kane across the chest before headbutting him down. Show hits another headbutt, then another gut shot. He connects with an avalanche, but then gets dropkicked in the knee. Batista tags in, and the heels go for a double suplex. Show counters into a double suplex of his own, and the heels slide to the floor. Bryan tags in and hits a double suicide dive. Batista gets back in the ring, and Bryan throws him face-first into the top buckle. He knocks Batista down with some kicks, then stomps him before tagging in Show. Show hits a gut shot and a big body slam. He follows up with an elbow drop off the ropes, which is good for 2. Batista gets thrown to the corner again, and Show slaps him across the chest, knocking him down. Show picks him up and does it again. Sorry, but no one will ever hit a worse-sounding chop than Trevor Murdoch. Batista comes back with rights and dives at Show, but Show catches him and hits a bodyslam before walking across his stomach. Show sets Batista against the ropes and hits another chop. He throws Batista to the corner and tags in Bryan, who begins nailing Batista with kicks. Bryan sends him face-first into the buckles, then hits a few more kicks. He backflips off a corner whip, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own before dropkicking Kane off the apron. Bryan fires up the Yes! Kicks on Batista, but then misses the Buzzsaw. Batista gets to his feet and hits a spinebuster for 2. Kane tags in and assaults Bryan in the corner before setting him up for a superplex. Bryan blocks it and knocks Kane off the ropes with a headbutt. He gets up and hits a seated missile dropkick. Batista tags in and nails Bryan in the back as he crawls for a tag. He then follows up with a short-arm clothesline and sends Bryan upside-down into the buckles. Batista slides to the floor and nails a knee to the side of Bryan’s head. Back in the ring, Bryan begins to fight back, but Batista comes off the ropes with a running shoulder thrust. He signals for the Batista Bomb, but Bryan fights out,lands on his feet and nails Batista with a kick. Show tags in, as does Kane. Show gets in the hot tag offense before hitting a spear. Bryan back in, and he hits the Flying Goat for 2 as Batista breaks up the pin. Show knocks Batista to the floor, then throws him into the ring post. In the ring, Kane sends Bryan into the corner. Bryan blocks the charge and dives off the middle rope. Kane catches him with the goozle and goes for the chokeslam, but Bryan counters into a sunset flip. Kane won’t go down, so Show comes in and nails him with the Knockout Punch, which is enough for Bryan to get the 3.
WINNERS: The Big Show and Daniel Bryan.
End of show.
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