WrestleMania 33 is only a few days away and it features one of the deepest and most anticipated cards in history. Predicting WrestleMania results seems to get harder every year with the WWE opting to do a Zack Ryder and choose winners who will lose their titles the next day. Basically, they know WrestleMania is an event that exists is unto itself and is distinct from everything else meaning even if they only want the result to matter for 24 hours, they’ll still do it because the casual WrestleMania audience won’t know any different. With all that said, here’s my best guess at the results for WrestleMania 33
SmackDown Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss versus Becky Lynch Mickie James versus Natalya versus Carmella versus Naomi
Let’s not even bother wasting any time talking about this feud. Naomi was stripped of the title because of a minor injury, they panicked and put the title on Alexa Bliss and threw literally every superstar into the match. They’re saying it’s a six pack challenge, but don’t be surprised if we see more names appearing. With Naomi’s return, the result appears obvious.
Winner: Naomi pins Natalya to become the new champion
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
This battle royal will consist of the entire SmackDown tag team roster, a chunk of the RAW tag team roster and every singles guy who doesn’t have a WrestleMania match. It is completely irrelevant and considering Braun Strowman is in there, the result here is also obvious. Hopefully Sami Zayn and Luke Harper also get some spotlight.
Winner: Braun Strowman last eliminates Luke Harper to win
Final 5: Braun Strowman, Luke Harper, Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler and Big Show
Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville versus Austin Aries
This being moved to the pre-show might actually work in its favour. If it were crammed onto the main card, they might have to throw a rushed match together, but on the pre-show they’ll get 15 minutes and an excited crowd. Neville has been booked better than any champion in the WWE and Austin Aries comes into this bout with a lot of momentum, having been built up through the commentary desk for the last few months. This is one of those matches that legitimately could go either way, but Neville should retain. Neville has carried the cruiserweight division and should continue to do so. There’ll also be a lot of title changes on this show so someone has to retain.
Winner: Neville retains
RAW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson versus Sheamus & Cesaro versus Enzo Amore and Colin Cassidy
It almost seemed like the WWE weren’t going to put a ladder match on this year’s show, but they worked it in at the last minute. You won’t get many complaints though, because it has taken this from an indifferent pre-show bout to the match that will probably open the show. Sheamus and Cesaro have no chance of winning and will probably break up soon, but it’s a toss-up of the other two sides. Enzo and Cass being crowned at WrestleMania would be special, but it doesn’t quite feel right here. There’s still more story left to tell in their chase of the belts.
Result: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson retain
United States Championship Match: Chris Jericho versus Kevin Owens
This has been a masterpiece of storytelling. Jericho and Owens were the best part of RAW for months and while we all knew a split was inevitable, it was executed perfectly in one of the best WWE segments in recent history. This not being the Universal Title match also works in its favour because now the expectations are lower for the match itself, giving them more chance to steal the show. You’d assume Jericho will want to put Owens over here, even though Y2J will probably stick around for a few more months after WrestleMania.
Result: Kevin Owens pins Jericho to become the new champion
Intercontinental Championship Match: Dean Ambrose versus Baron Corbin
This match, like Dean Ambrose’s title reign, has been a total afterthought. They weren’t even featured on SmackDown this week and have barely had any screen time since the Elimination Chamber. What could be a really interesting feud is just a throwaway match at this point, which is a shame considering how good this match could be. Ambrose’s title reign has been given no momentum so expect Corbin to win and continue his rise up the card.
Winner: Baron Corbin pins Ambrose to become the new champion
AJ Styles versus Shane McMahon
You may be upset about Styles being in a mid-card match at WrestleMania, but AJ is more over than he’s ever been right now. This feud has put AJ in the opening segment of SmackDown, the main-event and sometimes even in between. Shane can’t hang with Styles in the ring, obviously, but this is one of the more unique matches on the card and you know AJ Styles is going to make this great.
Winner: AJ Styles
RAW Women’s Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match: Bayley versus Sasha Banks versus Charlotte versus Nia Jax
The storytelling for this feud has actually been really good. Bayley goes into this match as the champion, but needs to prove she deserves that belt. Charlotte is still the ‘rightful champion’ and Bayley needs to prove she can actually beat her. Sasha Banks has inserted herself into their feud via her friendship with Bayley and will probably turn on her in the near future. Nia Jax … well … no, she doesn’t quite fit in the feud. Luckily it’s an elimination match which can fix that. There are two possible endings here, Sasha Banks wins and turns heel on Bayley or Bayley retains, last eliminating Charlotte to prove she belongs.
Winner: Bayley last eliminating Charlotte
John Cena and Nikki Bella versus The Miz and Maryse
There are no words that can describe how good this feud has been. When you put two masters of the microphone in the ring and let them get personal, it makes for ultra-compelling television. Maryse has held her own with the mic too and Nikki hasn’t been terrible. Adding the women to the feud took this to another level and propelled this to probably the best feud on the card. As badly as Miz and Maryse need the win, we all know it isn’t happening.
Winners: John Cena and Nikki Bella by submission – Cena proposes after the match
Non-Sanctioned Match: Seth Rollins versus Triple H
Firstly, Seth wouldn’t be competing in this match if his knee wasn’t healthy. No matter how important the storyline, they’d have kept him off the show. This means we should get a strong match between the two, but the question is whether this will be the end of the feud. The injury to Rollins opens the door for this to continue through to Payback. Have Samoa Joe interfere, leading to Triple H winning. This sets up Finn Balor to return on RAW and even the numbers. Seth gets a proper shot at Triple H at Payback and gets his big win.
Winner: Triple H pins Seth Rollins with help from Samoa Joe
Roman Reigns versus The Undertaker
As weird as it feels to say it, Roman Reigns must win this match. Click the link if you want an in-depth explanation why, but it’s time for the torch to be passed and a 52-year-old Undertaker beating the top guy in the company wouldn’t make sense. It also sets up Undertaker’s final match next year perfectly. Hopefully Undertaker pulls out one last great match, because if this sucks and Roman wins, then there’ll be backlash even though the fault will lie with the 52-year-old and not Reigns.
Winner: Roman Reigns to universal boos
WWE Championship Match: Bray Wyatt versus Randy Orton
This rivalry was the best thing on SmackDown while Orton was paired with Bray, but has dropped of significantly since Orton turned on him. They missed a massive opportunity to turn Bray face and now this feud is right back where it started back in August. Luke Harper should’ve been added to the match and this should certainly have a no disqualification stipulation. While this should be the start of a lengthy run for Bray, Orton winning seems the more likely outcome.
Winner: Randy Orton pins Bray to become the new champion.
WWE Universal Championship Match: Goldberg versus Brock Lesnar
WrestleMania is going to be close to eight hours long this year. This match going on last to an exhausted crowd could easily see it receive no reaction. We’ve seen it before, it’ll be VERY slow, the result is obvious, people aren’t excited about either one of them being champion and neither are exactly the guy you want carrying a match. If this goes on last, expect the match itself to be under 10 minutes, again, and expect Lesnar to walk out with the belt because there’s no way Goldberg can beat him again.
Winner: Brock Lesnar pins Goldberg to become the new champion.