With the big WWE event less than seventy-two hours away, it’s time to weigh in with picks on the eight matches at hand. We’ll do this quick and dirty style because, due to wearing myself out writing all week long, and this will help me maintain my sanity.
Off we go!
Randy Orton vs. Kane
Poor Kane. He came back with such promise as a masked nightmare once again, and the laughable feud with Cena made him just a crab-faced goof. But you know, I’m going to go out on a limb here and give Kane the win. I don’t foresee too many heels winning on this show, and you can always do a rematch at Extreme Rules to give Orton his heat back. Otherwise, Orton going over gives Kane very little to go on in 2012, except murdering Zack Ryder week in and week out.
While many are looking at this to be the match where the heel wins, I just can’t see Show losing. He’s been embarrassed every single week, and this is exactly where he needs to give Rhodes his just desserts. In fact, I can easily see this being the annual thirty-second squash job, as Rhodes misses a Disaster Kick, and Show drills him with the WMD, just to give Cody his own humbling moment at the Grand Spectacle. I kinda hope not, since I’d love to see Rhodes break Honky’s record, but I get that feeling.
WINNER: Big Show
Winner Controls Both Brands: Team Teddy: Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Great Khali/Booker T vs. Team Johnny: David Otunga/Mark Henry/Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre/The Miz
Conventional wisdom from many points to Laurinaitis’ camp winning, since Ace needs to be implanted as an evil boss, while Long is a bit expendable. On the other hand, I can see Long’s team winning after Miz somehow screws up (his recent MO), and R-Truth pins him. Laurinaitis can still wreak havoc, as the VP of talent relations, and he can screw with people’s contracts. Hell, he can FIRE Long, can’t he? I think Long gets both shows, but Laurinaitis uses his cunning to remain in the picture.
WINNERS: Team Teddy
Kelly Kelly/Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres
Fun fact: everyone but Maria was on the same team three years ago at WrestleMania. Their partners are in TNA, having matches longer than five minutes. It’s a celebrity match, so the faces win.
WINNERS: Kelly Kelly/Maria Menounos
WWE World Heavyweight: Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
One year, the Royal Rumble winner has to come through, and Sheamus I think will finally end the drought. This will play out a bit like Hogan/Savage at WrestleMania 5, with Bryan cowardly putting AJ in the way until his luck runs out, and Sheamus plows through him to win the title. Bryan can always blame the loss on AJ, and the disintegration can begin from there. Besides, WWE owes it to the Zack Ryder fans to do an angle for him they can get behind, like having him rescue AJ from D-Bry’s greedy clutches. That’s got potential.
WWE Heavyweight: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
I really don’t think Jericho’s extension means anything; he’s still going to tour with Fozzy. I think Punk beats him here, and then Jericho tries to get revenge at Extreme Rules in Chicago, and Punk beats him there as well, just to really fortify his reign. And if the rumor is true that this match is opening the show, then would WWE really have a heel win a World Title in the curtain jerker? Not sure what that would do for the tone of the rest of the show.
WINNER: CM Punk
Hell in a Cell/End of an Era/Guest Referee Shawn Michaels: The Undertaker vs. Triple H
The Streak can never die, especially when it’s so close to 20-0. WWE would really make a killing with commemorative “20-0” DVDs, especially since the last six matches on there (Batista, Edge, Shawn twice, Hunter twice) are all excellent (assuming for this one). I think WWE will allow for blood in this one, just to up the ante, and I see all three men hitting one last gusher each. In the end, Undertaker hits one last Tombstone, and we get a curtain call for the trio as the mid-show epic.
WINNER: The Undertaker
If Rock’s going to split for a while after WrestleMania (as usual), I can’t see Cena losing. Cena has to be there through Extreme Rules, through Summerslam, etc, as one of the top guys, so for him to lose makes no sense. Unless Rock wins, and Cena succumbs to the aforementioned dark side for the next year, getting his revenge on Rock a year later. Still, it’s WWE, and Cena’s there for them every day. Rock loses, they shake hands, and we (hopefully) have an epic clash to look back on fondly.
WINNER: John Cena