This week, we have a special live edition of Tuesday SmackDown!, dubbed “Super SmackDown!” Tonight will feature wrestlers from both RAW and SmackDown and, aside from a very predictable main event cage match, looks to be a fairly promising show.
Great. We get yet ANOTHER contract signing tonight. How many of these damn things have I recapped in my short time with CCB? How much do you want to bet they give that the main event slot over the actual main event tonight?
Tonight, Christian jobs to Randy Orton in a cage match!
John Cena is out, and he immediately grabs a mic. Great. He makes his voice crack like Pimply-Faced College Kid on “The Simpsons”, only it’s not funny. Cena begins listing off random wrestling shows and the XFL. He says the XFL was worse than the Shockmaster. I actually agree. John Cena calls out Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio’s music hits, but only Roberto Rodriguez comes out. I’m guessing ADR wasn’t able to get his work visa cleared in time to make it tonight.
Rodriguez says he has a message for Cena from ADR. He says since Cena is the challenger for the WWE title, he will have to wait until Night of Champions to face ADR, but it’s okay because it will be a big honor for Cena to be in the ring with Del Rio. Rodriguez rattles off in Spanish for a minute or so before Cena tells him to shut up. He says he has a gift for ADR that he wants Rodriguez to deliver-it’s a punch to the face.
Cena sucks up to the crowd and calls it their show. Barrett calls him pathetic. Cena says what’s pathetic is Barrett mistaking his kindness for weakness, and that he owes Barrett some payback, and tonight, Barrett finds out payback’s a bitch.
MATCH 1: John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Poor Barrett has the dishonor of doing the job to Cena tonight. Match starts with Cena hitting punches and kicks. Cena hits a corner whip and a bulldog. Cena gets a hip roll, but Barrett’s back up and pushes Cena into the corner. He gets in a punch, kicks off an Irish whip reversal, but Cena no-sells and hits a clothesline and an avalanche. He hits a modified powerslam, but Barrett counters with a scrapbuster for 2. Barrett’s stomping Cena in the corner now, followed up by some punches and kicks. Cena ducks a clothesline off a corner whip, no-sells everything by loading the spaceship with the rocket fuel, hits the Proto-Plex and the 5-Knuckle Shuffle. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, and this match is over.
WINNER: John Cena. What in the bloody hell was the point of having Cena completely squash Barrett? Who did Barrett piss off to deserve this? When I say squash, I mean that in every sense. Barrett undeservedly looked like crap here. After the match, Cena kisses the asses of the troops in the front row.
Matt Striker is interviewing Mark Henry backstage yet again. Why? He asks who Henry’s preference to win tonight’s main event is. He says he has no preference, and either way, they will be in the “Hall of Pain”. Henry talks about how dangerous cage matches are, and that Mark Henry is even more dangerous than the cage. Yeah. He says he looks at it like flipping a coin-heads or tails, either way, you lose. Someone please stop giving Mark Henry the opportunity to talk. If not for my sake, then for the sake of everyone else watching this show.
After a pointless preview of “Ghost Hunters”, we see Sin Cara come out. He’ll be wrestling after the commercial break. Who will be taking Del Rio’s spot here?
This movie “Drive” looks like a really piss-poor knockoff of “The Transporter”.
MATCH 2: Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan
Okay, Daniel Bryan is a perfectly suitable replacement for Del Rio here. Bryan hasn’t wrestled this version of Sin Cara on TV before, but if anyone can make this good, it’s Bryan. Cara starts with an arm wringer. Bryan reverses and throws Cara over his back. Cara hits a body scissors into an armdrag and locks in an arm bar. Bryan gets out of it and, after a couple of Irish whip reversals, Bryan dropkicks Cara out to the floor and follows it up with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Bryan gets a one count. Bryan lands three nasty kicks to the chest and gets a 2. Bryan with a corner whip, followed by a corner dropkick, and now he’s going for a surfboard stretch. Bryan locks it on and turns it into a dragon sleeper, but lets go. Bryan with a European uppercut, but he telegraphs a roundhouse off the ropes. Cara back drops him to the floor, but Bryan sees a dive coming. Cara hooks himself in the ropes so he doesn’t crash to the floor, and turns it into a springboard cross body. Back in the ring, Cara hits a springboard somersault senton for 2. Cara with some kicks in the corner, followed by a chop. Bryan backflips out of a corner whip, and off the ropes, both go for cross body blocks, sending each other to the mat at the same time. Cara’s back up first with some kicks to the leg. Bryan fires back with kicks and punches. Bryan misses a roundhouse, allowing Cara to hit a modified fireman’s carry slam. He follows this with another springboard somersault senton and the Lionsault to get the 3.
WINNER: Sin Cara. They shake hands after the match, but then Cara turns around and kicks Bryan straight in the face. So…Cara’s turning heel now? Overall, a good match, but the ending left me confused. I’m going to assume this will lead to the Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara feud we’ve been hearing about for months, but considering Mistico’s status is still unknown, I’m not 100% positive here. Oh, and on a side note, Averno was going to be brought in to feud with the original Sin Cara, but those plans appear to have been scrapped.
Backstage, Ken Doll is with WWE Tag Team Champions Air Boom. Evan Bourne says he still feels like he’s on cloud nine right now. Kofi Kingston says being a tag champion requires trust, and he doesn’t trust anyone more than Bourne. He then lists off a bunch of great tag teams. He shows Striker how to do the “boom, boom, boom” hand gesture. Not sure the point of this.
Sheamus is the latest wrestler to be a spokesperson for the “Be A Star” anti-bullying campaign.
We get a highlight video of the feud between Christian and Randy Orton. Nothing you haven’t seen before.
Backstage, Striker asks Christian if he thinks he can win tonight. He talks about all the names everyone has been calling him, and that he’s none of those things. What he is is a fighter, and he fights for what’s right, whether anyone likes it or not. Christian says he doesn’t need to be champion to validate his career, but that he WANTS to be champion, and Christian always gets what he wants.
For the next match, we get a “special guest ring announcer” for the next match in Aksana, complete with z-grade porn music. Who in the hell thought this was a good idea? She can’t even speak broken English correctly!
MATCH 3: The Divas of Doom (Natalya and Beth Phoenix) vs. WWE Divas Champion Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox
Damn, Beth and Nattie look good. So, because Fox got her ass handed to her by Nattie last week, she’s automatically a face this week? Whatever. She still looks like a tranny. Nattie and Kelly start off Kelly slaps Nattie in the face and hits a Thesz press. Nattie reverses a corner whip. Kelly tries to catch a headscissors, but Nattie slams her face-first into the floor. Phoenix tagged in and they take Kelly down with a double shoulder block for 2. Phoenix with some forearm shots to the back of the head in the ropes for 2. Kelly tries to punch out, but Phoenix hits her back down. Kelly backflips out of a back suplex attempt and tags in Fox. Fox hits a horrible top rope cross body for 2, followed by a horrible back elbow off the middle rope. She hits a sloppy kick to the head and tries for the axe kick, but Phoenix no-sells that crap and hits the Glam Slam to end this match.
WINNERS: The Divas of Doom. It was what it was. At least the DoD looked good.
We see COO Triple H walking towards the ring with Teddy Long, contract in-hand. Booker T says the contract signing will be next. You mean we actually get a wrestling match for the main event rather than a contract signing? Another Festivus miracle!
Feel free to check out my review for “OMG! The Top 50 Incidents in WWE History”, right here on CCB.
Back from the commercial break, Long is in the ring with a table and chairs. He introduces Triple H because, L. Ron Hubbard forbid Triple H doesn’t get an entrance.
Triple H reminds us of what happened on RAW last night where he cancelled the match at Night of Champions between CM Punk and Kevin Nash and that the match has now been changed to Triple H and Punk instead. He says the board of directors was nice enough to approve of him wrestling another match, and then invites Punk to the ring.
Punk makes his way out and takes a seat in one of the chairs in the ring. Triple H chooses to stay standing. Punk says this is all unnecessary and is confused as to why they are all here. Triple H says he understands Punk’s frustration. Punk says he doesn’t get caught off-guard anymore, and that he’s just curious as to why the match was changed last night. Triple H says Punk has disrespected him and his family and the WWE and, despite Punk holding the company hostage with the WWE Championship, he tried to work with Punk, but it wasn’t good enough. He says Punk had to keep pushing. He asks Punk who he thinks paid Living Colour to use their song for Punk’s entrance theme, and who approved Punk’s new t-shirt being made. Triple H says despite all of this, Punk keeps pushing his buttons. Trips says he’s trying to be a man and be professional, but he can only take so much, and now Punk has to deal with him as a man.
Punk says he doesn’t expect anything less. He says the new Triple H sucks and he wants the old Triple H at Night of Champions. Punk says the last COO-Vince McMahon-couldn’t separate personal issues from business, and neither can Triple H. Punk says that he loves WWE, and that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be here. Punk wants change because he realizes how things suck, and that he wants them to be better for him and everyone else. Punk says he and the WWE universe are dying for a change, and he wants to be the catalyst for that change. Triple H says that’s bull and he’s sick of hearing Punk saying all of this stuff. Triple H says some people out there like the WWE the way it is, but that it can be better, and that Punk only wants change if it makes him the top guy. Trips says Punk is a lot like Triple H in that way, but Triple H said what he thought to everyone’s face while Punk would rather be a martyr. Punk says he’s not trying to be a martyr, but if that’s what is seen, then maybe there’s some truth to what he says. Punk says he wants wrestling to be fun again, and that before becoming a wrestler he was a fan, and is still a fan at his core. He says that, as a fan, he wants to do things to make wrestling fun again. Punk says he’s pushing Triple H’s buttons on purpose to test him, and he failed. Punk says he thought they wanted the same things, but instead, Triple H is egotistical and vindictive, and is hiring his old buddies to do his dirty work for him. Punk signs the contract and says if being the catalyst for change means he has to go through Triple H, so be it. He tells Triple H not to fine or suspend him after he kicks his ass at NoC.
Triple H says the difference between him and Punk is respect. He respects Vince for what he’s done and building the industry the way he did, and that they wouldn’t be standing there if it wasn’t for Vince. Triple H starts to sign, but Punk cuts him off. Punk says Triple H doesn’t see the future, and can’t see that Vince lost touch long ago. He says he wants change. Triple H says he’ll get change, and how he differs from Vince is because Vince would’ve gotten in the ring with Punk at NoC and gotten a beating because it would have been good for business. Triple H says this has nothing to do with business and that this is personal instead. He then breaks out the “skinny fat a#$” line again.
Kevin Nash makes his way to the ring. Triple H tries to hold him back, but no luck. Punk assaults Nash before Triple H pulls him off. Nash boots Punk in the face. Triple H tries to call Nash off, but Nash shoves him to the mat as well. Good segment, with Punk once again owning everyone on the microphone.
Up next, Sheamus destroys The Great Khali once more.
During the commercial break, Striker tried to interview Kevin Nash. Nash said nothing. Best Nash promo in years!
MATCH 4: The Great Khali (w/Jinder Mahal) vs. Sheamus
Khali is coming out to his old music from several years ago. I find it hilarious how quickly Khali and Mahal have been given up on by creative. Sheamus is still selling the injury from last week by sporting the rib tape. Sheamus starts off with a boot to knee. He goes for a side headlock, but Khali turns it into a side slam. Khali with some stomps in the corner. It’s all he knows how to do, folks. Khali with a couple chops to the chest and a clothesline. Khali goes for the trapezius lock, but Sheamus fights out. He hits a couple of Irish Hammers and a dropkick to the knee. Sheamus gets Khali tied in the ropes and clubs Khali’s chest with some forearm shots, followed by the running knee on the apron. Sheamus climbs up top and takes Khali down with a flying shoulder block. Just as Sheamus appears to be going for the Brogue Kick, Mahal comes in and causes the DQ.
WINNER: Sheamus. Mahal and Khali begin double-teaming Sheamus before Khali throws him to the floor. Khali whips Sheamus into the post, but misses a brain chop. Sheamus hits Khali with the Brogue Kick, but Mahal takes him back down. Back in the ring, Mahal eats a clothesline before Sheamus obliterates him with the High Cross. What did this prove? Sheamus is a badass for taking out two guys, and Mahal & Khali still suck worse than anything else on this show.
We get a preview for Triple H’s new movie “Inside Out”. I could give a damn.
There has been a poll on WWE.com on who has the advantage in tonight’s cage match. So very surprisingly, Orton wins the vote at 85% to 15%. The cage match is up next.
MATCH 5-Cage Match for the World Championship: Christian vs. World Champion Randy Orton
Surprise, surprise. This match can be won by pinfall, submission or escaping the cage. Christian kicks Orton in the stomach and immediately tries to go throughout the door. Orton pulls him back in and hits some shots in the corner. Orton goes for a corner whip, but Christian climbs the turnbuckles and immediately tries to escape the cage again. Orton pulls him back down. Christian tries a dive from the ropes but Orton counters with a dropkick for 2 as we go to commercial.
You know, I already could care less about Gears of War. This commercial for Gears of War 3 is not helping.
Back from the break, Christian backs Orton into the corner and gets a punch. Christian hits a corner whip, but Orton no-sells and responds with a clothesline. Christian manages to climb the ropes again and once again tries to climb out, but Orton pulls him down. Orton tries for the RKO, but Christian shoves him off. They trade a few shots, but Orton gets the upper hand and hits his stupid jumping knee drop. Orton tries to go out the door, but Christian keeps him in. After a few more shots, Orton goes for the suspended DDT, but Christian back drops him into the cage. Christian is pushing Orton’s face into the cage with his feet now. Christian tries to climb out again, but Orton pulls him back in. Christian misses a corner charge, allowing Orton to catch an Oklahoma roll for 2. Christian fires back with a spinebuster for 2 of his own. Christian hits some mounted punches. Christian hits a neckbreaker for 2. He goes for the door, but Orton immediately no-sells all of that after he gets back to his feet, pulls Christian back in and hits some punches. Christian counters with some punches in the corner and a foot choke, which leads into him attempting to climb out of the cage again. Orton follows, and now they’re both on the top turnbuckle. Orton hits a superplex as we go to another commercial.
Back from the break, and Christian is trying to escape the cage from the door. He almost does, but Orton drags him back in. Orton with a stomp to the chest. Christian fires off some punches, but gets thrown into the cage off a charge. Orton hits his awful clotheslines, but misses an uppercut. Orton hits a powerslam for another 2. Orton goes for the suspended DDT again, but Christian slides out. He tries to throw Orton into the cage, but Orton blocks. Orton gets Christian on his shoulders and looks to lawn dart him into the cage, but Christian blocks, slides out and hits the falling inverted DDT for 2. Christian tries to climb out again, but Orton meets him on the top rope. Christian shoves him down and hits a frog splash for 2. Christian goes for the door again, but Orton pulls him back in. Christian kicks him off and looks for the spear. Orton leapfrogs it and tries to go for the RKO. Christian shoves him off and hits the spear for 2. Christian tries for the punt kick, but Orton rolls out of the way. Christian looks for a move off the middle rope, but sees Orton looking to catch him in an RKO, so he starts to climb instead. Orton grabs Christian and hits a powerbomb into a neckbreaker for 2. Christian tries for the Killswitch, but Orton counters into the suspended DDT. He goes for the RKO again, but Christian once again throws him off. He goes to climb out of the cage again. Orton meets him, and now they’re punching it out on top of the cage. Christian slams Orton’s face into the top of the cage. Orton slides back in and pulls Christian in with him. Now they’re fighting on the top turnbuckle, with Orton slamming Christian’s head into the top of the cage. Orton hits an RKO off the top rope and gets the 3.
End of show.
Well, I had somewhat higher hopes for this show and once again, those hopes were dashed. Bryan/Cara was easily the best match on the show. The main event was okay, but was far too formulaic and predictable for my taste. In all honesty, the contract signing was probably the most entertaining part of the show.
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