Tonight is the rebirth of The Great American Bash. Well, sort of. It’s still SmackDown!, but with an added name. Either way, we find out the rest of the SmackDown! MITB match participants, and this looks to be a good one this year.
We see many of the talents in the back talking while pretending to have a pool party and dressed in patriotic clothing. Guest GM Teddy Long walks in to welcome everyone. He wants everyone to have a good time, and he has a volunteer to clean up any messes tonight, that being Eve Torres. Santino Marella walks in. He says that, as the US Champion, it is his honor to kick off the festivities by lighting the BBQ. He squirts fluid on it from the Cobra, but his lighter doesn’t work. Kane walks in and sets it on fire before leaving. Stupid segment, but at least it was short. Take note, TNA.
We’ve got a 20-man battle royal tonight, with the winner being the guest GM next week. We’ll also recap the AJ/Punk/Bryan situation from last night, which was honestly just awesome. AJ may be the most compelling character in WWE right now. And she’s cute.
[adinserter block=”2″]Alberto Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. For those that didn’t watch last night, ADR is the #1 contender for the World title at MITB, and he also kicked the hell out of Sin Cara just because. ADR says that, tonight, he’s not here to celebrate America; tonight, he’s here to talk about something more important than that-himself. Finally, he has his one-on-one match with Sheamus, and after he destroys the bastard, he’s going to send him back to Ireland, crying like a little girl. He knows why everyone likes Sheamus; he’s just like them, that being a peasant and a hooligan. People like us are always trying to take advantage of hard-working people like ADR. Don’t hate him because he’s successful and we’re not. He came to this country legally, and is making a lot of money here. We make him sick. That is why after MITB, Sheamus is going back to the place where he belongs, and ADR would love to do the same to all of us. In fact, he’s going to start right now. ADR and Ricardo head to ringside and he starts asking fans to show him their papers, calling them illegal aliens. This is exactly what he’s talking about, and he’s going to get rid of one of these people before he gets rid of Sheamus. He calls security to get rid of a guy in the front row.
Before that happens, Sheamus comes out and begins brawling with ADR. He throws ADR to the guardrail, then drags him up to the stage before throwing him off the ramp. Rodriguez gets whipped to the ramp after jumping on Sheamus’ back, and Sheamus throws ADR into the barricades twice more. Rodriguez jumps him from behind once again, and that allows ADR to kick Sheamus right in the side of the head. Rodriguez opens the hood to ADR’s car and tells him to slam Sheamus into the engine. He does, then proceeds to drop the hood across his back repeatedly. ADR walks away as the referees come out to check on Sheamus.
Can anyone please explain to me the point of this Ruffles commercial?
During the break, Sheamus was helped to the back, and his forehead was split open as a result of the attack. Whether intentional or not, WWE doesn’t seem to be as concerned with blood anymore.
MATCH 1-Mixed Tag Team Match: The Great Khali and WWE Divas Champion Layla vs. Antonio Cesaro and Aksana I hope they permanently move Cesaro from FCW to SmackDown! soon. His appearances are too few and far between for my taste. I could really do without Aksana as his arm candy, though. You telling me that the recently-departed Maxine couldn’t have played this part? Cesaro lands a few strikes on Khali to start, and Khali throws him to the corner, where Cesaro is ripe for an open-hand chop to the chest. He misses a boot in the corner, and Cesar chop-blocks him before stomping him down. Khali shakes it off and throws Cesaro back to the corner for another chop, followed by a clothesline that knocks him down. Cesaro tags in Aksana, who yells at Khali. Layla charges in and tackles Aksana, then slaps her on the ass. Layla hits a back kick to the gut and a springboard crossbody for 2, but Cesaro breaks it up. Khali grabs him by the throat and throws him to the floor. Layla kicks Aksana in the gut and nails the Lay-Out for the 3.
WINNERS: The Great Khali and Layla. At least Cesaro didn’t have to job here. No one cares about Aksana, so her getting pinned means nothing.
Teddy Long is in the back, and he’s approached by Cody Rhodes. Rhodes informs him he has another chance to qualify for MITB tonight. Long knows about this, and gets to pick Rhodes’ opponent. His opponent is already in MITB, and it happens to be Intercontinental Champion Christian.
Another RAW moment now, and it’s Mick Foley recalling the time Tony Schiavone announced on Monday Nitro that Mick Foley would be winning the WWF title for the first time, resulting in 600,000 fans changing the channel over to Monday Night RAW. I remember that night vividly, and how awesome it was to see Foley finally make it to the top.
MATCH 2-SmackDown! Money in the Bank Qualifier: Cody Rhodes vs. Intercontinental Champion Christian (non-title)
Remember, Christian doesn’t have to win this match, as his status in the match is not on the line. Tie-up to start, with Rhodes locking in a side headlock. Shoulderblock off the ropes gets 1 for Rhodes. Rhodes lands some shots and whips Christian down for 2. Christian elbows out of a waistlock and lands an uppercut. Christian corner whips him, and lands a flapjack for 2. Rhodes blocks a Pendulum and lands a variation of the Beautiful Disaster, followed by a hotshot to the arm for 2. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rhodes has Christian in a grounded hammerlock. Christian elbows his way out and tries for a snapmare, but Rhodes holds on and drops Christian on his back for 2. Standing gourdbuster by Rhodes gets another 2. Rhodes stomps Christian, who has crawled to the corner. He gets Christian back up, nails some punches, then goes back to work on the arm he snapped off the ropes earlier. He sets Christian up for a superplex, but Christian fights him off and nails a middle rope dropkick. Uppercut by Christian, followed by a running forearm. He nails the inside-out uppercut, then a low dropkick against the bottom rope. Up to the top, Christian nails a cross-body for 2. He signals for the Killswitch, but Rhodes kicks him in the stomach and hits the Goldust uppercut. He goes for the Alabama Slam, but Christian reverses into a sunset flip for 2. Christian corner charges, but Rhodes steps aside, sending Christian shoulder-first into the ringpost for 2. Rhodes goes to take the top turnbuckle pad off, but the ref stops him. This allows Christian to hit the falling inverted DDT for 2. He signals for the spear, but Rhodes counters with a kick. Christian ducks the Beautiful Disaster and goes for the Killswitch, but Rhodes counters into the Cross Rhodes for 3.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes, who becomes the sixth man in SmackDown!’s MITB match. Good match here. Is it just me, or has Christian been on fire since returning from injury? His matches have just been fantastic lately.
We see wrestlers partying in the back once again. Zack Ryder tells Teddy Long that the party is sick, then asks if he can be the DJ for the night. Long agrees, but is interrupted by Heath Slater, who proceeds to try and sing. People throw food at him and he walks away. Ryder starts playing Brodus Clay’s music as Clay and the Funkadactyls come in and get everybody partying with them.
I love how WWE now admits how awful No Holds Barred was, and is citing it as an “unintentional comedy”. Brother.
I still don’t understand this Ruffles commercial, and I’m beginning to hate the woman that stars in it.
Did You Know? The original idea for the time machine in the Back to the Future films was a refrigerator as opposed to a DeLorean. It was scrapped when Robert Zemeckis was worried kids would lock themselves in their refrigerators after seeing the film.
MATCH 3-SmackDown! MITB Qualifier: Alex Riley vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)
Riley gets the jobber non-entrance. I’m sure he’ll win here. Sometimes, I forget he even still works for WWE. That’s just how valuable he is. Ziggler starts by taunting, and Riley nails him with a dropkick for 2. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 1. Ziggler with some stomps and the jumping elbow drop for 2. Rear chinlock is applied as we see that Vickie is in dire need of a bra tonight. Riley breaks the hold with a back suplex and rolls to the corner. He elbows a charging Ziggler, then nails a pair of clotheslines and a spinebuster for 2. Riley sets up for the implant DDT, but Ziggler counters by shoving Riley into the corner. He misses a Stinger Splash, and Riley rolls him up for 2. Ziggler rolls to the apron, where he nails Riley with a hotshot. Back in the ring, Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the 3.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler, who becomes entrant #7, and instantly becomes a favorite to win the match. I’m still going with Damien Sandow as my pick, but Ziggler could easily take this one.
Back to the show, Michael Cole calls AJ down to the ring for an exclusive interview. AJ is seriously lacking knee-high socks right now, but she’s still adorable. Cole says he’s interviewed her many times and has been fair and balanced, which can’t be said for AJ. She starts to talk, but Cole cuts her off and says he’ll give her a chance to explain everything, including what she did to close RAW last night. We then get the obligatory video package highlighting said moments. Back to the ring, AJ is smiling. Cole asks her the question the world wants answered, and that is, what the hell was she thinking? AJ says a lot of people have asked her that a lot over the last 24 hours. Cole cuts her off and says the answer is she wasn’t thinking. She switches allegiances on a dime, and that’s why he believes the Board of Directors has made a huge mistake in naming her the special referee for the WWE title match at MITB. He calls her nothing but a troubled little girl, and she now holds the fate of the WWE title in her hands. She’s a delusional teenager and living in a tug-of-war fantasy between Punk and Bryan, two guys he doesn’t get what she even sees in them. Has she ever thought about pursuing a real man? Maybe a former war correspondent-turned-the voice of the WWE? Think about it, AJ. You could have all this.
Before Cole can continue, Daniel Bryan comes out, mic in hand. AJ continues to sport her devious smile. Bryan says we all get it; Cole thinks he’s some big, tough, investigative journalist. Bryan tells him he’s not, and that he’s a sexist, abusive bully, just like the rest of the media. When he gets a story he likes, he just makes things up and puts words in people’s mouths. This story is not about you, Cole. Bryan turns to AJ and says he knows her better than anyone. Not only is she treating her job as referee very seriously, he knows she’s going to do an excellent job. He also knows she didn’t mean for both Punk and Bryan to go through the table. She only wanted Punk to go through the table, and he forgives her for not realizing…
CM Punk’s turn to come out now, also with mic in hand, as you would expect. He tells Cole to get out of the ring as this has nothing to do with him. Cole starts to argue, so Punk orders him out of the ring. Cole obliges. He turns to AJ and says two people were affected by her actions last night, himself and Daniel Bryan. But, it’s days and situations like that that you expect when you become a wrestler. However, he’s not like Daniel Bryan, and he’s not going to pretend it didn’t happen to him. He’s also not going to suck up to her because she’s the special referee. He’s going to be honest, because that’s what she deserves, and he’s worried about her. He says she’s not in a good place mentally, and maybe some of that is his fault. He should have said something, and because he didn’t, he’s sorry. AJ needs professional help. What Punk is not going to do, unlike Daniel Bryan, is lie to her. She doesn’t deserve that, as she’s a sweet girl. Bryan calls this a load of garbage, playing a passive-aggressive game, pretending he cares about AJ. He doesn’t care; Bryan does. Here is Punk, playing the good guy, acting like it’s not important that AJ is the special referee. The only thing Punk cares about is her being the referee because he knows he needs her to beat Bryan. Both guys drop the mics, and AJ steps between the two of them. She stares at Bryan and kisses him for quite a while. Punk leaves the ring during this, but as he walks away, she turns him around and begins a make-out session with Punk. She then gives him the big grin and skips away.Both Punk and Bryan stare at her confused as she does the “Yes!” chant on the stage.
MATCH 4-Six-Man Tag Team Match: WWE United States Champion Santino Marella, Sgt. Slaughter and Jim Duggan vs. Camacho, Hunico and Drew McIntyre
I feel for the heel team here. I really do. Nothing against Santino Marella, but they deserve better than this. Camacho starts off with Slaughter. Slaughter with a knee to the gut, followed by an arm wringer and some elbows. Marella tags in and continues working on the arm. Camacho forearms him down and hits a bodyslam. Hunico tags in and nails a tope con hilo. He chokes Marella over the middle rope, and McIntyre boots him in the face. Suplex into a pin gets 2. McIntyre gets Marella in an armbar, then forearms him down. McIntyre goes for a gorilla press, but Marella shoves him off. Hunico and Duggan both tag in, and Duggan clotheslines him down. He sets up for the 3-Point Stance and nails it, but the heels break up the pin. Everyone is in the ring brawling now. Marella sends McIntyre over the top rope, and Slaughter sends Camacho over as well. Marella tags back in and nails the Cobra on Hunico for the 3.
WINNER: Jim Duggan, Santino Marella and Jim Duggan. Pointless nostalgia match. On the plus side, Slaughter has trimmed down quite a bit. Good for him.
Back to the party, and R-Truth is dancing with Lil’ Jimmy while talking to Teddy Long. Damien Sandow interrupts, saying this wasn’t what the founding fathers had in mind while fighting for our independence. Ryder wants to know what is his problem, bro. Sandow says he is by no means Ryder’s brother. He calls everyone “mouth-breathing miscreants”. Ryder says to do everyone a favor and leave. Sandow decks him, and we get a brawl. Ryder slams him into a table, then throws a bowl of punch at him. Sandow ducks, and Eve Torres gets covered in juices. Wait. That didn’t come out right. Neither did that. Anyway, Eve smartly wore a white dress here, so it’s completely see-through. She leaves in embarrassment as the party continues.
Okay, I think I’m going to stop eating Ruffles until this commercial is off the air.
Before the next match, Tyler Reks says that his partner Curt Hawkins knows he can beat Ryback. Reks knows he can do it, too, but they flipped a coin, and Hawkins won, so he gets the chance to prove it.
MATCH 6: Curt Hawkins (w/Tyler Reks) vs. Ryback
Hawkins is the first actual WWE wrestler Ryback’s faced in a while. Hawkins nails Ryback across the back and to the face. He counters a gorilla press and goes for a rear chinlock, which Ryback turns into a backpack stunner. He grabs Hawkins by the ears and slams his head into the mat a few times, picks him up and hits an overhead choke suplex. Ryback levels Hawkins with a running clothesline, then nails Shell Shocked for the 3.
Another RAW moment, and we hear from Donald Trump of all people. His favorite moment was Vince McMahon’s “Fan Appreciation Night”, which turned into Trump appearing on the TitanTron and then thousands of dollars dropped on the crowd from the ceiling.
We see video from what happened to Sheamus earlier tonight, and we’re informed that, because of this, Sheamus won’t compete in the 20-man battle royal that’s coming up.
Some chick from some SyFy show “just happens” to be in the front row behind the announce desk. We get a clip from the show, and it looks like every other damn stupid paranormal show SyFy does. Ghost Hunters sucks, and so will this show.
Before the main event starts, Teddy Long comes out and thanks the Board of Directors and the WWE Universe for allowing him to be the GM this week. He doesn’t know if he’ll be permanent GM, but he’s had a blast tonight, and he thanks everyone in the crowd.
Did You Know? Jell-O used to come in vegetable flavors such as celery and Italian salad.
MATCH 7-“Great American Bash” 20-Man Battle Royal, with the winner becomes GM for SmackDown! next week; Participants: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez), Kane, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Zack Ryder, Brodus Clay, WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Kofi Kingston, The Great Khali, Justin Gabriel, WWE United States Champion Santino Marella, Intercontinental Champion Christian, Ezekiel Jackson, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes, Heath Slater, Tensai, WWE Champion CM Punk and The Big Show
Show quickly eliminates Gabriel, followed by Clay shortly thereafter. Tensai eliminates Ezekiel Jackson. Tensai, Swagger and ADR team together to eliminate Khali. Sandow gets eliminated by a forearm from Ryder. Rhodes throws Marella over the top rope. Santino Marella is eliminated. Rhodes tries to nail the Beautiful Disaster on Show, and Show catches him by the throat. He grabs Kingston by the throat as well, and shoves them both over the top. Cody Rhodes and Kofi Kingston are eliminated as we go to commercials.
Okay, this is the fourth time this commercial has been on during this show. I’m getting pissed.
[adinserter block=”1″]Back from the break, we’re down to 10 guys: Bryan, Punk, Tensai, Cena, ADR, Ziggler, Show, Kane, Ryder and Christian. Just as I type that, Punk clotheslines Bryan over the top rope, and eliminates himself in the process as well. We’re down to 8 men now. Kane botches the living hell out of a sidewalk slam on ADR. Show goes for a chokeslam on Kane, and Kane goes for the same thing. Kane chokeslams Show as Tensai begins to attack him. Hey, it’s the guy who beat Kane for his first IC title reign. Ziggler, Tensai and ADR begin triple-teaming Cena with punches, and of course Cena winds up taking them all out. Protobombs for Tensai and Ziggler before sending ADR over the top. Alberto Del Rio is out. AA for Kane as Tensai goes back to attacking Cena. He tries to throw Cena over, but Cena back drops him over the top rope. Show quickly comes in from behind and throws Cena out. Ryder gets speared by Show. Christian counters a chokeslam into a front chancery, but Show throws him over the top rope as well. Ziggler jumps on Show for a sleeper, and Kane boots them both over the top rope. We’re down to Ryder and Kane as the last two participants. Ryder tries punching Kane, and Kane just knocks him down with an uppercut. Ryder gets backed into a corner and Kane continues the assault. He picks Ryder up on his shoulder, but Ryder slides out. It’s all for naught as Ryder eats a big boot. Eventually, Ryder comes back and trips Kane in the corner before nailing the Broski Boot. He goes for the Rough Ryder, but Kane catches him in a chokeslam. Ryder escapes, and as Kane charges in, Ryder low bridges him, sending him to the floor.
WINNER: Zack Ryder. Who’da thunk it, considering Ryder’s been on a losing streak for month? Not that I’m complaining mind you, as I’ve always liked Ryder, so good for him.
End of show.
The battle royal was moderately entertaining, while Christian and Rhodes stole the show. I thought we were getting all of the MITB qualifying matches wrapped up this week, but there’s still two more spots, so I’m going to assume we’ll get those filled next week.
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