Welcome to a special live edition of SmackDown! Tonight’s episode is being called “Blast From the Past” and, much like the “Old School RAW” episode a while ago, will feature numerous legends in various segments. I understand there will be a Piper’s Pit segment with Daniel Bryan, which should be pretty damn entertaining.
Unfortunately, we don’t get the old SmackDown! intro video/song to go with the old school feel of the show like we did with RAW, as we’re still forced to sit through the audio abortion that is Green Day’s “Enemy”.
Before we get to anything, we see video from last week of Daniel Bryan ending his relationship with AJ, which leads to the Piper’s Pit announcement.
We’re live in Hampton, VA, and “Mean” Gene Okerlund is in the ring, welcoming us to the show. He has a special guest for us tonight, and one of his favorites, the new World Champion, Sheamus.
Sheamus makes his way out. Sheamus says it’s an honor to be in the ring with a legend like Okerlund. When you represent the company as World Champion, there’s a code of honor that goes with it. Last week, he let everyone down. The referee made a bad decision, and he let his anger get the best of him. Right now, he’d like to apologize to referee Chad Patton, the other officials, and everyone else around the world. He hopes everyone accepts the apologies from a red-headed Irishman. We all make mistakes, and we learn from those mistakes. Sometimes it’s the hard way, sometimes, it’s the easy way. He’s always done it the hard way.
In the locker room, we see another “Ace”, this time being Bob Orton, Jr. He’s with his son, who he wishes good luck in his match tonight.
Did You Know? Based on recent research, it’s been revealed humans may be more closely related to the sea squirt than any other animal on the planet.
MATCH 1: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
Hopefully, with Henry getting a WWE title match this Monday, he won’t be more fodder for Randy Orton tonight. Key word is “hopefully”. Lock up starts, and Henry throws Orton into a corner. Orton fights out with punches. Henry throws him into another corner, and Orton throws more punches. Henry takes Orton down with a headbutt. Orton gets back up and throws more punches. Henry misses a corner charge, allowing Orton to hit some mounted punches. Really varied offense here. Henry eventually turns this into an over-the-shoulder powerslam, which gets 2. Commercials.
Back from the break, Henry has Orton in a neck vice. Orton gets back to his feet, but Henry headbutts him back down before going back to the vice. Orton punches out, but Henry lands a nother headbutt and a bodyslam before hitting a splash off the ropes for 2. Henry backs Orton into a corner and fires off a few punches before landing an avalanche, followed by another one. Henry goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Orton rolls out of the way of another splash. Orton gets his feet up off a corner charge and hits a couple clotheslines that don’t know Henry down. Orton kicks him in the knee and lands a DDT for 2. Henry crawls to the apron, allowing Orton to set up for the suspended DDT. Henry blocks it and goes for the World’s Strongest Slam. Orton slides out and goes for the RKO, but Henry shoves him off so hard he gets sent to the floor. Henry follows and picks Orton up to lawn dart him into the ring post, but Orton slides out, shoves Henry into it and knocks him down with a European uppercut. Orton slides back into the ring, and Kane’s music hits. We see him up on the TitanTron. Kane said he needed to beat Orton to become the monster he was always meant to be, and he did that. But last week, Orton proved he could be every bit as vicious as Kane, proving to everyone he’s “The Viper”. It would be a shame if this were to end now, as he’s having so much fun. The kind of fun the entire family can enjoy. The cameraman angles the camera down, and we see Bob Orton laid out on the floor. Orton immediately runs to the back.
WINNER: No contest.
Orton is already in the backstage area, looking all over for Kane. He comes across his dad in a stairwell. As he enters the room, Kane pops out and hits him in the stomach with a pipe. Kane says he’s a sucker for family reunions before walking away.
We see Tony Atlas and Ted DiBiase, Sr. watching on a monitor in the back. Atlas is talking about how he enjoys a good old fashioned squash match. They are eventually joined by Pat Patterson and Hillbilly Jim.
MATCH 2: Benny Camer vs. Ryback
Before the match, Camer starts to say a few words, but Ryback’s music cuts him off. Ryback absolutely destroys Camer with a clothesline to start the match. He hits the running fisherman slam, and gets the quick 3.
WINNER: Ryback. I like how they’ve booked Ryback as a “must watch” wrestler in the backstage area. Definitely something new and fresh, and Ryback’s clothesline is worse (in a good way) than I remember from his Nexus days.
We see Heath Slater and Tyson Kidd talking in the back. Slater knows Kidd has been teaming with Justin Gabriel lately, but Gabriel’s out, and Kidd needs a new partner. If they can beat the Usos tonight, they might get a title shot down the road. Slater compares himself to the Honky Tonk Man, before saying he has a special manager for them tonight. That manager turns out to be “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart.
We get a preview for Dream Machines, a new show about building cars on SyFy, that will feature John Cena in an episode. I don’t care.
Mick Foley makes his way out, and he’s joining the table for some color commentary.
MATCH 2: Tyson Kidd and Heath Slater (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. The Usos (Jey and Jimmy)
Kidd’s apparently a face now, as he’s high-fiving fans on the way to the ring. Kidd and an Uso start off. Uso takes Kidd down with a shoulder block. They trade hip toss attempts, with Kidd ending up on the apron. Kidd slingshots in into a roll-up, but Uso reverses into a schoolboy. Slater breaks it up and tags in. Slater hits a neckbreaker for 2. Slater drops some elbows before going into a rear chinlock. Uso fights his way out, and the other Uso gets a blind tag in. He hits a clothesline, a mule kick, an uppercut and a twisting forearm. Hip bump in the corner gets 2 before Kidd breaks it up. The Usos hit Alley-Us on Kidd, sending him to the floor. Slater is still in the ring with the legal Uso. Foley chases Jimmy Hart off with Mr. Socko. Uso hits a lifting Samoan Drop and tags in the other Uso, who hits the Samoan Splash for 3.
WINNERS: The Uso. After the match, Mick Foley gives Jimmy Hart the sock. He grabs the megaphone and yells something indistinct into it.
Up next, Piper’s Pit with Daniel Bryan.
Did You Know?
It’s Piper’s Pit time. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper makes his way out, and tells us all that he misses us. Tonight on the show, he’s got a man named Daniel Bryan. He’s a man that lost the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 28 in 18 seconds, and he blames it on his girlfriend. There’s a piece of footage he wants us to see. He shows the same video from last week we saw earlier, where Bryan dumped AJ. Piper then introduces Daniel Bryan, who comes out where his new and oh-so-excellent “Yes! Yes! Yes!” t-shirt. I must own one. Despite the boos, there are still a ton of people in the crowd doing the “Yes!” chant. Piper says he seems very happy for a man who lost the title in 18 seconds. Bryan says he’s getting his rightful rematch for the title, thanks to Mr. John Laurinaitis. “18 seconds” chant starts. In this rematch, Sheamus will not be able to get a fluke win in the rematch. Bryan wants to pin Sheamus, and he wants to make him tap out. He can do both, as his match at Extreme Rules with Sheamus will be a Best-of-3-Falls Match, and AJ won’t be anywhere near the ring to cause a problem. Piper says he likes AJ, and this is his show, so he’s going to invite her out right now.
AJ heads down to the ring, and her entrance music is awful. AJ gushes all over Piper and being on his show. She says “hi” to Daniel Bryan. She knows what this looks like and how Bryan can come off sometimes, but deep down, he’s a good person. Piper tells her to leave the politically correct answers at the door. We’re talking about a guy who dumped her in front of the WWE Universe, who said she was “dead weight”, and called her kiss the “kiss of death”. AJ blames herself for what happened at ‘Mania, and she’s so sorry about it. She knows that, if they could just talk, they can work things out. She knows she can make it up to Bryan. Piper interjects once more. He’s been watching AJ since her debut. He saw Big Show mow her down, and saw her get back up, so he knows she’s strong. It’s not easy for a woman to be here, so he knows she’s smart. She’s also beautiful, and doesn’t need to make anything up to Bryan. Bryan is doing nothing but using her. Bryan’s had enough of Piper dragging his name through the dirt, and he’s had enough of AJ airing out their dirty laundry. If she meant it when she said she loved him, she needs to get out of the ring right now. Piper tells her to ignore him. She decides to obey Bryan and leave the ring. Bryan starts laughing as he leaves the ring, but Piper’s not finished. Because of the WWE Universe, Piper has four children, three of which are girls. Ladies, let him tell you some “nos”. Pushing a lady around is a “no”. Telling her what to do is a “no”. Using her is a “no”, and putting her in harm’s way like a human shield is a “no”. Because of Bryan, Sheamus has the match at Extreme Rules. The good thing is, Piper gets to watch and see Sheamus kick Bryan’s head off his shoulders not once, but twice. Bryan says that the fact that he’s better than Sheamus is going to slap everyone in the face. Bryan then slaps Piper in the face before leaving the ring.
Good segment. Piper was a little “off” in some of his commentary, but everything was otherwise good.
MATCH 3-Six-Person Tag Team Match: The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki) and Drew McIntyre vs. Alicia Fox, the Great Khali and Kelly Kelly
Khali and McIntyre star things off with a lock-up. Khali powers him down and hits a clothesline. McIntyre tags in one of the Bellas. Khali tags in Fox. McIntyre storms off, saying “I’m better than this!” Yes you are, Drew. Yes you are. The Bella hits a swinging facebuster. Fox hits a northern light suplex off a counter and gets the 3. Yep.
WINNERS: Alicia Fox, the Great Khali and Natalya. Mae Young’s music hits, and she makes her way onto the stage. How is she still alive? She kicks Khali in the knee to get him down, then gives him a kiss before hugging Natalya.
We get another promo for Damien Sandow. He defines sophistication, saying he has all of the qualities defined by the word. Sadly, sophistication has become a lost art and collateral damage. Take social media. You are bombarded by an endless stream of tweets and post. It’s leading to society’s decay. You live your life by mantras in 140 characters or less. He is the beacon of light in your inequity. You’re welcome.
We see the footage from earlier tonight when the Orton’s were attacked by Kane, learning that Randy has suffered an abdominal injury.
RAW Rebound time, focusing on the Cena/Lesnar saga. Can I say I loved Cena stupidly leaning his head right into Lesnar’s oncoming fist, resulting in a busted mouth? Oh, and is it just me, or does David Otunga look like he wears makeup?
We see Okerlund and Sheamus in the back. Okerlund doesn’t like their chances, but he sees Sheamus’ smile. Does Sheamus have something up his sleeve? Sheamus says they probably aren’t going to win tonight, but he’s not going to give Johnny Ace the satisfaction of sweating this match. He used to watch Okerlund when he was kid, and thinks it’s cool teaming with him, and if they survive tonight, the first pint’s on him. We either drink to remember, or we drink to forget.
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan makes his way out. Apparently, he’s going to be in a match.
MATCH 4: Jim Duggan vs. Hunico (w/Camacho)
As Hunico and Camacho make their way down, Hunico has a microphone. He says no one cares about the past or all these old-timers. He is the future of the WWE. Duggan fires off several punches, sending Hunico to the floor. Duggan follows, but Camacho steps in between them. Duggan then calls Sgt. Slaughter to join him at ringside. He tosses the 2×4 to Duggan, who takes the heels out with it.
WINNER VIA DISAQUALIFICATION: Hunico. After the match, Slaughter locks Hunico in the cobra clutch.
Cody Rhodes makes his way down to the ring. What a “blast” tonight has been. It’s a waste of our collective time, so let’s blast to the future, where he once again IC Champion. A future where the Big Show doesn’t get a lucky punch in. A future where these so-called “legends” aren’t hogging the spotlight. Speaking of legends, Cody’s dad, “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes makes his way down to join his son in the ring. Cody tells his dad this doesn’t concern him. Dusty begs to differ. He loves his son and would do anything for him, and he’s a great talent, he “poked the grizzly bear”. Cody says his dad is embarrassing him and that we can talk about this in the back. Show’s music hits, and he comes out to the stage with a microphone. He does a quick Dusty Rhodes impersonation. He knows Cody’s had a lot of embarrassing moments lately, but tonight, he’s not going to do that. Tonight, he’s going to show the real Cody Rhodes. We see one of the promo videos Cody did during his days as “Dashing” Cody Rhodes. Admittedly, that was funny. Show calls it embarrassing in his Dusty voice before heading to the back. Just noticing that Dusty has lost a considerable amount of weight. Cody starts to head back to the ring, but decides to head to the back. Dusty’s music hits, and he starts dancing in the ring. Cody is seething.
The main event is up next.
On the plus side, we get the introduction for the face team done by Howard Finkel. Sheamus starts off with ADR. They trade several blows. Eventually, Sheamus lands a back elbow off the ropes. ADR gets in some stomps and tags in Bryan. Bryan lands some kicks and a European uppercut. He backs Sheamus into the corner and lands a couple more kicks before tagging in ADR. They both stomp Sheamus down before ADR goes into a front chancery. Sheamus back drops out of the hold. Bryan tags back in and lands a few stomps. Sheamus comes back with an Irish Hammer. He throws a charging ADR over the top rope before going for the Brogue Kick on Bryan. Bryan ducks and dropkicks Sheamus to the floor, where ADR is waiting with a kick. The heels and Rodriguez get Okerlund in the ring and surround him. Rodriguez puts his fists up when he hear Piper’s music. Piper comes out, flanked by every legend in the building. Patterson and Piper get on the apron to shout at Bryan. Sheamus slides in the ring and quickly nails the Brogue Kick for the 3.
WINNERS: Gene Okerlund and Sheamus. After the match, the legends begin teeing off on Rodriguez. He takes an elbow from Rhodes, a punch from Patterson, a gorilla press from Atlas, a thumb to the eye from Piper, and finally a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Sheamus then hugs all the legends before posing for a few pictures. Michael Cole then enters the ring with a microphone. He asks the fans to applaud the legends. He knows they have to all get back to the retirement home, but he’d like a photo op before the show ends. They surround him before Patterson knocks him out with a punch. I just realized the only guy in the ring (aside from Sheamus) who isn’t a Hall of Famer is Hillbilly Jim. Just saying.
End of show.
While it was nice to see the legends, this show wasn’t all that great, and nowhere near as cool as “Old School RAW” was. The mid-card tag team match was okay, and the Bryan/Piper segment was good, but everything else was pretty lame.
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Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.