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WWE Friday Night SmackDown Results March 02 – Kane Lays Out Randy Orton

Kane Randy OrtonWelcome to the 3-2-12 edition of WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Tonight, Rand Orton will take on World Champion Daniel Bryan in the main event. We are in my hometown of Seattle, Washington for tonight’s episode.

The 2012 Royal Rumble winner, Sheamus, makes his way out to the ring. He tells us that, since winning the Rumble, all he can think about is Wrestlemania. Stepping into the ring in front of 80,000 fans and millions more around the world, he’ll be in the main event at the greatest show on Earth. He cannot wait to step in the ring with World Champion Daniel Bryan. Since winning the belt, Bryan has changed and become very conceited. He reminds Sheamus of himself when he became WWE Champion for the first time. He should have realized how lucky he was, and should have known the title was the greatest trophy he could have earned at the time. What happened was he became what he despised, and that was a bully. He needed someone to remind him where he came from, and Daniel Bryan needs the same thing. Luckily for him, come April 1st, Sheamus will be happy to show him when he kicks his arse and becomes the new World Champion.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler take this time to interrupt things. Guerrero says Sheamus’ story is wonderful, but her favorite part is when he finally stops talking. Ziggler says he doesn’t want to spoil this heartfelt moment, but no one cares about Sheamus’ story. Ziggler wants to give people what they want and what they deserve, and that’s him in the main event at Wrestlemania, not Sheamus. Guerrero says there’s all this talk about John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long running both shows. For the record, she and Ziggler prefer Laurinaitis. For Sheamus’ information, she is the only person without the last name of McMahon to be GM for both RAW and Smackdown!

Teddy Long now makes his way out. He tells her that the only thing she’s going to run is Dolph Ziggler’s career into the ground. He wants to get some action going in the ring, and immediately makes a match between Sheamus and Ziggler, which will happen as soon as the commercials are over.

MATCH 1: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)
Match has already begun as we come back from the break. Sheamus hits a hip throw into a side headlock. Ziggler fights out and runs into a shoulder from Sheamus. Sheamus, in turn, runs into a dropkick from Ziggler. Ziggler with the headlock now, but Sheamus pushes him off and takes him down with another shoulder. Ziggler tries the dropkick again, but Sheamus holds onto the ropes, then levels Ziggler with a clothesline. He clubs Ziggler down, sending him to the apron, where he proceeds to drop the forearms to the chest of Ziggler. Suplex back into the ring by Sheamus gets 2. Ziggler rolls to the floor, and Sheamus follows. He throws Ziggler back in the ring, but Ziggler kicks him on the way in, then hits a suspended neckbreaker. Ziggler goes for the pin, but only gets 1. Ziggler beats Sheamus down in the corner, then lands another neckbreaker for 2. Ziggler drops some elbows for another 2. Ziggler goes into the rear chinlock, but Sheamus fights out with gut shots. Ziggler kicks him down and goes for the Rocker Dropper, but Sheamus sidesteps him and hits a trio of Irish Hammers. Tilt-a-whirl powerslam out of the corner by Sheamus gets 2. Sheamus goes for a short-arm clothesline, but Ziggler ducks and locks in the sleeper. Sheamus goes down to one knee, but eventually gets back up and backs Ziggler into the corner. Eventually, Sheamus manages to throw Ziggler over the top rope, sending him to the floor. Ziggler regroups and climbs to the top rope, but gets caught by the Irish Curse on the way down. Sheamus goes for the pin, but Guerrero puts Ziggler’s foot on the bottom rope. Sheamus sets up the Celtic Cross, but Ziggler rolls through into a sunset flip for 2. Ziggler gets up and runs right into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for another 2. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick as Guerrero signals for someone to come down. It’s Jack Swagger, but he immediately eats a Brogue Kick from Sheamus as he tries to enter the ring. This allows Ziggler to hit a Rocker Dropper from behind, but it only gets 2. He jumps on Sheamus’ back for the sleeper again, but Sheamus holds on and reverses into the air raid crash, which he now calls “White Noise”, for the 3.

WINNER: Sheamus. Excellent match here, and more proof of how good Sheamus actually is. He’s really looking strong going into Wrestlemania, and I think his match with Bryan is going to turn a lot of heads.

[adinserter block=”2″]The commentators are talking about the issues between the two GMs, showing the footage from last week’s match between Daniel Bryan and WWE Champion CM Punk, as well as the aftermath between the GMs. We then see footage from the rematch on Monday night and more between Laurinaitis and Long.

Long is walking around in the back, talking to Aksana on his cellphone. He walks into his office, only to find John Laurinaitis and David Otunga. Laurinaitis has come here tonight to get an apology from Long. As a result of last Monday, he has a strain in his back. Otunga says that criminal charges against Long have been dropped, but he’s still considering a civil suit. Long says he won’t apologize, saying he doesn’t regret what he did on Monday. Laurinaitis says he won’t be laughing when he runs SD! next week. Long says Laurinaitis won’t be laughing either when Long runs RAW on Monday, and he books a match between Otunga and The Great Khali for Monday night.

Later tonight, The Big Show will face Mark Henry yet again.

MATCH 2: Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella
Can we please not wait until after Wrestlemania and get Slater fired already? He’s not worth anything. At all. Marella ducks a clothesline and fires off some right hands. Back elbow off the ropes, followed by a hip toss. Slater gets his knees up on the saluting headbutt, and proceeds to lay the boots to Marella. Marella comes back with punches, but Slater counters with one of his own. A few mounted punches follow, but Marella one again comes back. Slater hits a Harlem Sidekick off the ropes for 2. Slater goes up top, but Marella falls into the ropes, causing Slater to crotch himself. Marella hits the Cobra while Slater is still on the turnbuckles. Slater falls down, and Marella immediately covers him for the 3.

: Santino Marella.

We get a video package for the Undertaker/Triple H feud, starting with Wrestlemania last year. Yawn. Shawn Michaels will be back Monday night to address this.

We see Eve Torres in the back, checking herself out in a hand mirror. Natalya walks in and says Zack Ryder didn’t deserve to be used, and that he’s a good guy. Torres basically says she doesn’t care, and that Ryder stinks. Natalya farts on her and says no, that stinks. They face off next. So, is Natalya a face again? Oh, and just so we’re clear, this “farting” gimmick really blows ass (no pun intended). What could possibly be appealing about a hot chick that farts? Can someone explain this to me? No, never mind. I don’t need to know.

MATCH 3: Natalya vs. Eve Torres
Nattie gets the jobber non-entrance, which doesn’t bode well for her. Tie-up to start. Torres goes into an arm wringer, but Nattie reverses into a headlock. Schoolboy on Torres gets 2. Nattie with a waistlock, but Torres asses out and goes into a hammerlock. Nattie reverses into a top wristlock, but Torres knocks her back down. Some slaps by Torres results in her getting tackled. Torres kicks her in the knee, then locks in a seated straight jacket hold. Nattie reverses into a pin for 2, but Torres reverses into a pin of her own and gets the 3.

WINNER: Eve Torres.

Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes makes his way out. As he heads towards the ring, we see the footage from 2 weeks ago when Big Show eliminated him from the RAW Battle Royal, and Rhodes in return caused Show to be eliminated by Chris Jericho. Rhodes says last week, we saw Big Show’s embarrassing loss to Akebono at Wrestlemania from a few years ago, followed by his loss to Floyd Mayweather at another installment. 2 weeks ago, he cost Show his opportunity to go to Wrestlemania. Show should be thanking him, because Rhodes saved him from the embarrassment of floundering again at the biggest show of the year. He knows Show is the world’s largest athlete and the former World Champion. But, at “The Big Show”, Show is a choke artist. Need proof? WWE has some pretty extensive archives in regards to Show’s embarrassing ‘Mania moments. Show’s music hits, and he makes his way down to the ring. Show gets in the ring, and Rhodes immediately turns tail and leaves through the crowd. Show tells him to hold on a second, and he doesn’t have to leave. He wants to see the next video segment. He can laugh at himself, as he’s pretty funny sometimes. He asks Rhodes to come back down, and they can watch the video together like friends. Show says if Rhodes won’t come back down, Show will have to follow him out into the crowd. Teddy Long comes out and tells Show to wait a minute. He can’t have Show burst into the audience and send people flying. He and Show have talked about something, and it’s a done deal. Cody, you want to talk about a Wrestlemania moment? Well, you’ve got one, when you put your IC title on the line at ‘Mania against Show. Right now, Show has some other business to take care of with Mark Henry.

MATCH 4: The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
It doesn’t look like Henry will be around much longer, according to the rumors on the wrestling news sites, so expect him to continue his losing streak here tonight. Henry tries to club Show down immediately. Show fights back, but runs into a clothesline. Another clothesline sends Show over the top rope and to the floor. Henry follows out and headbutts Show before throwing him over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. Referee Jack Doan has begun the 10-count, but Show makes it to the apron at 8. Henry cuts him off and slams Show’s head into the turnbuckle, sending him back down to the floor as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, Show is back in the ring, being hammered on by Henry. A shot sends Show back to the floor yet again. Cody Rhodes is now on commentary. Henry goes to the floor and rams Show into the ring post. He grabs the ring steps and throws them at Show, but Show ducks before they can hit him. Both men roll back into the ring, where Henry continues the assault. He pushes Show into the corner and hits an avalanche, sending him to the mat. Henry goes up to the middle rope for the reverse splash, which connects for 2. Show gets back to his feet, managing to get his boot up on a charging Henry. Show bounces off the ropes and takes Henry down with a spear. He signals for the chokeslam, but Henry blocks it and hits the World’s Strongest Slam. He goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Henry is furious and begins arguing with Jack Doan. Show gets to his feet and leans against the corner. Henry charges in, but is met with a WMD, knocking him out. Show turns him over and gets the 3.

WINNER: The Big Show. Actually one of the better outings between these two, I must say.

We see Teddy Long in the back, and he crosses paths with Drew McIntyre, who he’s been looking for. Long has been cutting him some slack, as he told him if he didn’t start winning, he’d be fired. Tonight, it’s over. If McIntyre can’t win tonight, he will be fired, no questions asked.

After a video of Randy Orton being injured by Daniel Bryan, we get Matt Striker interviewing Orton. Orton says he feels okay. He’s back to normal now, and by normal, he means angry. He’s hell-bent on getting revenge on Daniel Bryan, and not just for the concussion. Bryan cost him a chance at going to WrestleMania and the World title. Bryan has a steep price to pay, and tonight, Orton collects.

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Mass Effect 3 is going to be beyond amazing.

MATCH 5: Drew McIntyre vs. Justin Gabriel
Gabriel ducks a clothesline and hits some forearms, but McIntyre knocks him down with a shot to the face for 2. McIntyre picks him back up and goes for a back body drop. Gabriel lands on his feet and goes for a roundhouse kick, but McIntyre ducks and hits a big boot for 2. McIntyre gets Gabriel into the corner and begins kicking him in the midsection. Standing corner clothesline by McIntyre, followed by another. He goes for a short-arm clothesline, but Gabriel ducks and hits a tilt-a-whirl DDT. Nice move there. He goes up and hits the 450 splash, getting the 3.
WINNER: Justin Gabriel. After the match, McIntyre looks like he’s about to cry. Long appears on the Titan Tron and says that he’s sorry. He gave McIntyre a lot of chances, but now he has to let him go. McIntyre drops to his knees, trying to fight his tears. The crowd is now doing the “nah-nah-nah-nah” chant.

We see a trailer for Edge’s new movie, Breaking the Rules. Honestly, it doesn’t look half-bad.

Did You Know? Despite its bizarre, harmless appearance, the platypus is a highly poisonous animal.

RAW Rebound time, recapping the interview segment between The Rock and John Cena.

Backstage, Matt Striker is with World Champion Daniel Bryan and AJ. He asks if there’s any apprehension in regards to his match with Randy Orton tonight. He says he’s beyond butterflies in the stomach, but he’ll get back to Orton later. In regards to Sheamus, Sheamus is wrong. He is from Aberdeen, WA (which gets a pop)…and could not wait to move to Las Vegas, NV (instant heat). He is a vegan, which means he’s healthier than you. He doesn’t own a TV, which means he doesn’t spend hours in a brain-numbing trance like all of you. He is still the love of AJ’s life. He is still a role model, he is still the one who defeated two giants in a cage at the Rumble. He’s still the one who beat five other guys in the Chamber. He’s still the one who will defeat Orton tonight, and he’s still the one that will defy the odds and walk out of Wrestlemania as World Champion.

MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. World Champion Daniel Bryan (w/AJ) (non-title)
Aww. AJ traded in her knee-high Chucks for skate shoes. I mean, she still looks good, but it’s not the same. Hopefully, it’s only temporary. Booker T is calling her a “rat”. Shut the hell up, Booker. Orton starts with a kick to the gut and some forearms to the back. Another kick before throwing Bryan to the floor. Orton follows and slams Bryan into the barricades, then hits a clothesline. He throws Bryan into the steps, then stomps his head on the top step. Back in the ring, Orton continues the attack with punches in the corner. He gets Bryan on the top rope and goes for a superplex. Bryan fights him off, knocking him to the mat with a headbutt. Bryan gets back down to the mat and hits a running corner dropkick. He then kicks Orton’s left arm, followed by an armbar takedown for 2. Commercials.

[adinserter block=”1″]Back from the break, Bryan has Orton’s arm tied up in the ropes. Stomps to the chest as Orton is laying in the corner. Bryan hits a standing shoulderbreaker. Orton fights back with kicks and punches. He telegraphs a back body drop. Bryan charges, but Orton back drops him over the top rope. Bryan lands on his feet on the apron and takes Orton down with a hotshot. Bryan goes up top and jumps off, but Orton fires off a dropkick. Orton ducks a clothesline and snaps off a powerslam for 2. Bryan gets back to his feet and hits a couple kicks, but Orton comes back with a kick of his own and hits the suspended DDT before remembering to sell the shoulder injury. Orton looks for the RKO, but Bryan blocks it into a LeBell Lock attempt. Orton fights it off and looks for the RKO again, but Bryan pushes him off and slides to the floor. Orton follows and begins slamming him into the barricades. Bryan tries to get back into the ring, but Orton grabs him. He looks for the suspended DDT on the floor when Kane’s music hits. Bryan shoves Orton off and gets back in the ring. Orton is apparently counted out as the bell rings.

WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: Daniel Bryan. Orton and Kane continue to brawl as Bryan and AJ leave the area. Kane and Orton brawl around ringside. Kane slams Orton into the announce desk before Orton comes back with punches. Kane goes into the announce desk this time before rolling into the ring. Orton follows and Kane eventually throws Orton shoulder-first into the ring post. Kane takes Orton down with a chokeslam. He gets a microphone, gets down on his knees and tells Orton, “Welcome back.”

Backstage, we see John Laurinaitis and David Otunga watching what just happened. Laurinaitis says he’s impressed, but that’s nowhere near the destruction he plans to bring to SD! next week. He then makes a match between Kane and Teddy Long’s girlfriend, Aksana. Yes, we get “treated” to Kane/Aksana.

End of show.

Who in the hell wants to see Kane wrestle Aksana? If you want to see it, I automatically hate you. Anyway, the opening match was awesome, and the Show/Henry match was probably better than it had any right to be. No Tag Team Champions this week for some reason, though.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

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Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.


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  1. I would add that the first match was gold not only for Sheamus, but the work of Ziggler. In my opinon he's put on the best matches of the last 6 months on raw/smackdown (vs. CM Punk, Orton and now Sheamus). Let's hope for a long-term plan for him (and Vicki, who I think is a wonderful character). Bit of a golden age overall, I feel.

    • Only reason I didn't mention Ziggler is that it's pretty much established that he's one of the best workers in WWE. Sheamus, however, often goes overlooked due to his size. Reality is, he's extremely talented, and doesn't wrestle like a typical big man. Honestly, WWE right now is loaded with some incredible talent right now. You've got Punk, Cody Rhodes, Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Wade Barrett, Zack Ryder and even Santino Marella (again, he is way more talented than what his gimmick allows). All guys who are either main event talents already or guys who, with the right series of matches/opponents, could easily get to that next tier.


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