This week WWE SmackDown emanates from Corpus Christi, TX, and we start things off with Corporate Kane in the ring. Have I ever mentioned how stupid his hair is? It looks like Stevie Wonder cut it with garden shears. He welcomes the crowd to the show on behalf of the Authority, then says he’s thrilled to be back as Director of Operations after his vacation. When he came back, part of him was worried he’d missed so much that it’d be impossible to catch up. But, part of him said it was the precise to come back. WWE is on fire, and who better to handle that heat than someone with his administrative experience? So, tonight, the new Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens will team with Rusev against Ryback and Dolph Ziggler. And the war rages when Luke Harper faces Roman Reigns. There will be no outside interference, because Dean Ambrose is barred from ringside. For that matter, Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman are also barred. That’s not all. He also has a great…
Seth Rollins marches down onto the stage while Kane applauds him. Kane introduces him as the former WWE United States Champion and current World Champion. Rollins says Kane isn’t fooling anyone. This Bruce Banner/Hulk situation is a joke. Underneath that cheap suit, everyone knows he’s “The Demon”. Kane says Rollins seems angry. Luckily, when he became DOO, he had extensive training in conflict resolution. So, why doesn’t Rollins come down to the ring and engage in a civilized, healthy and hopefully productive dialogue? Rollins asks Kane if he’s insane after what happened at Night of Champions after two title matches. Kane says that was indeed shocking when Sheamus almost cashed in MITB. Kane was as surprised as everyone when he watched from the comfort of his own home. Rollins laughs and then brings up what happened on RAW. Kane thought he was doing Rollins a favor with a US title rematch against John Cena. Rollins isn’t talking about the match, but instead when Kane pulled him under the ring afterwards. Kane laughs and says he’s glad Rollins still has a sense of humor. Kane asks if a demon from the depths of hell is standing here right now, determined to inflict unmeasurable hell, or a man in a suit, a friend of Rollins who helped him win the World title. Rollins wants to know why Kane is doing this. Brock Lesnar broke Kane’s leg, not Rollins. Kane says he knows that, but Rollins once called him a 7-foot piece of crap. But, he knows Rollins was just trying to motivate him to do a better job. Rollins says Kane has lost it. Kane isn’t fit to be the DOO. He’s not welcome around Rollins or the title. Rollins says, as a friend, Kane needs serious help. Kane says he’ll take that under advisement. Rollins starts to leave, but Kane says he isn’t done announcing the show. Tonight, in the main event, Rollins will face a man he knows very well, that being Ambrose. Rollins has a mini tantrum and storms to the back.
MATCH 1: ROMAN REIGNS VS. LUKE HARPER
Harper goes for the discus clothesline immediately, which Reigns ducks. Harper manages to connect with a mule kick, then goes for a sit-out powerbomb. Reigns escapes and goes for his own powerbomb, but Harper goes to the floor. Reigns chases him back in, where Harper goes for a suicide dive, only to have Reigns knock him for a loop with an uppercut through the ropes. Reigns throws him into the barricade, then slams his face into the apron before hitting the Fly-By. Reigns rolls Harper back in and hits a version of a Saito suplex. Reigns nails an uppercut in the corner, then goes for a back-body drop. Harper blocks it and bounces off the ropes, only to get caught in a fireman’s carry. He elbows his way out and continues to drive his elbow into the side of Reigns’ head. Reigns powers through and gets Harper up again, only to have Harper counter into a sunset flip. Reigns rolls through and nails a big uppercut, sending Harper to the corner. Reigns follows up with the ten clotheslines in the corner, then sends Harper across the ring. Harper blocks before eating another uppercut. Reigns no-sells a knee to the face, then uppercuts Harper to the floor. Outside, Reigns grabs Harper as he tries to roll back in. Harper rakes the eyes, then drops Reigns with a big boot at ringside. Back in the ring, Harper hits a tope con hilo, connects with a superkick, then plants Reigns with a sit-out powerbomb for 2. Harper goes to the corner, waits for Reigns to get up and goes for the discus. Reigns sees it coming and nails the Superman Punch. He ducks a second discus attempt off a rope rebound from Harper and hits the spear for 3.
WINNER: ROMAN REIGNS.
We see the New Day harassing someone backstage on their way to the ring.
The New Day come out for their match, but we get a promo. They talk about putting an end to the Dudley Boyz on 10/3 on the WWE Network. Then, it’s more “Save the tables” crap.
MATCH 2: THE NEW DAY (WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E, KOFI KINGSTON AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. NEVILLE AND THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO & SIN CARA)
Kofi and Neville start. Neville blocks a kick and sweeps the legs. He ducks a clothesline, hits a spinning back kick, then lets Kalisto come in with a Bomb’s Away. Kalisto rolls out of the way, allowing Neville to nail a seated dropkick. The New Day regroup at ringside as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Kalisto and E are legal. Kalisto hits several kicks before dropkicking E in the knee. E comes back with a back elbow off the ropes, then stomps Kalisto down in the corner. You know what this leads to. Woods leaves himself out of the series so he can play the trombone. E finally tags in Kofi and whips him in for a low dropkick. Kofi kicks Kalisto in the chest for 2, then applies a half-nelson/chinlock combo. Kalisto reaches for a tag, so Kofi knees him in the ribs. Kalisto gets corner-whipped, but then backdrops Kofi to the floor off the charge. E rolls Kofi back in as Cara tags in. Cara comes off the top with a springboard cross-body, hits a kick, then another cross-body from the middle rope. He connects with a springboard back elbow, nails a couple chops, then hits a springboard moonsault. E tries to intervene, but gets tossed to the apron. He lands on his feet, only to have Neville knock him to the floor with a handspring face kick. Kofi charges at Kalisto in the corner, but Cara catches him with a headscissors on the apron and yanks him to the floor. Woods comes in and immediately gets tossed. Neville climbs up top and he & Kalisto hit top rope moonsaults to the floor while Cara simultaneously hits a somersault plancha in a cool, well-timed spot. Cara rolls Woods back into the ring before kicking Kofi away as he tries to prevent Cara from climbing back in. Once back in, Woods nails Cara with a shining wizard for 3.
WINNERS: THE NEW DAY.
I never saw Woods make a tag, but whatever. It was a fun match. As the New Day celebrates on the announce desk, I have to wonder what WWE’s obsession with 3-man/woman teams lately. Unless they’re planning to revive the 6-man tag titles or create a new one for the women, there doesn’t seem to be much of an endgame.
MATCH 3: CESARO VS. BO DALLAS
Before the match, Dallas says he feels Cesaro’s pain. He too has stood toe-to-toe with devastating foes. He survived “Suplex City”, while Cesaro can’t get himself off “Big Show Blvd.” But luckily, he has the road map to life. And if Cesaro wants to achieve all of his goals, all he has to do is Bolieve!
They lock up and trade a couple reversals. Cesaro does a series of kip-ups, then hits an armdrag. He follows up with a snapmare and applies a crucifix for 1. He then locks Dallas in a couple of roll-ups for 2 before spinning him around the ring, a la Hector Guerrero, before pinning Dallas for 2. Dallas comes back with some punches and a kick off the ropes. Cesaro no-sells and blasts him with a clothesline. Cesaro corner-whips Dallas, but then runs into a back elbow. Dallas nails a forearm to the lower back before Cesaro knocks him to the floor with a European uppercut. Cesaro boots him on the apron, but lands back-first on the apron when Dallas trips him by yanking the skirt. Dallas rams Cesaro into the apron, then rolls him onto the apron, covers his head with the skirts, and strikes Cesaro across the back of the head with some forearms before getting back in the ring for a 2-count. Dallas applies a rear chinlock, and Jerry Lawler mocks Booker T for calling the apron spot with the skirt Dallas just did innovative, correctly stating Fit Finaly made a career of it. Back to the match, Dallas hits a short-arm clothesline, then nails Cesaro with more forearms to the back in the corner before hitting a knee to the same spot. Dallas connects with a back suplex for 2, then applies another chinlock. Cesaro tries to power out, so Dallas yanks him down to the mat. Cesaro gets to his feet, ducks a clothesline and traps Dallas in a hammerlock/headscissors combo into a cradle for 3.
So much for Dallas getting back to winning matches. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
Charlotte, the new WWE Divas Champion, makes her way down to the ring, accompanied by Becky Lynch. Charlotte gives a Flair “Woooo!”, then says if she had a dream scenario on how she would become champion, last Sunday night was it. She was against the odds. Nikki Bella was champion for 301 days for a reason *cough* John Cena *cough* sticking it to AJ Lee and CM Punk *cough*. Tonight, she wanted to thank the fans for believing in the “Divas Revolution”. The future has never been brighter.
On this note, Paige comes out on stage. On a side note, does Paige hold the record for most heel/face turns in a single year at this point, or does she still have a way to go before she catches up with the likes of the Big Show and Matt Morgan? Anyway, Paige says she’s never really been a team player, and she’s never apologized for being herself. She’s trying this whole sincerity thing now. As she enters the ring, she says she shouldn’t have dumped on Charlotte on Monday. She told she was the least relevant in the whole locker room, but that’s not going to stop her from being champion. Maybe she’ll prove everyone wrong. She’s happy Charlotte is the champion, but she thought she herself would be in that position. She’s just a little mad, and worried Charlotte isn’t woman enough to handle being champion. Charlotte says Paige sucks at sincerity. Paige says she’s conflicted because she started the “Divas Revolution”, and she deserves a bit of recognition. Charlotte can’t be mad if Paige is honest. Lynch tells her she’s been honest enough, and Paige tells her she needs to shut up. She’s trying to apologize.
Natalya now comes down to the ring. I dig her new gear. Nattie hugs Lynch and Charlotte. Paige calls her a crazy cat lady and says this has nothing to do with her. Nattie says first of all, she couldn’t be more proud of this next generation of divas. You have Charlotte, Lynch, Sasha Banks, who’s kind of like a feisty chihuahua…this is the best the division has been, and she can’t remember the last time she was excited to come to work. She thinks it might have been the night Paige debuted and won the title. She remembers being one of the first people to congratulate Paige, because she was proud and Paige earned. She’s one of Nattie’s best friends here, and she thinks it’s ridiculous these three are fighting over something so stupid. She can’t imagine Paige being upset Charlotte is the champion, because Paige is better than that. Paige says Nattie is right. This is a new generation of diva. She is better than that. In fact, she’s better than Nattie. Nattie let the revolution pass her by, and now she’s desperately trying to cling to the youthful divas in a desperate attempt to become relevant again. It’s really pathetic. Paige then slaps Nattie before leaving the ring.
MATCH 4: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS AND RUSEV (W/SUMMER RAE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER AND RYBACK
Ziggler is now wearing long tights, which looks strange, especially since he’s still sporting white boots. Don’t ask me why I fixate on things like that. I honestly don’t have an answer. Anyway, Ryback and Owens start, only for Owens to immediately tag out to Rusev. Rusev begs for Ziggler to tag in, and Ziggler obliges. They trade some shots until Rusev hits a kneelift. He clubs Ziggler in the corner before stomping him down. He screams in Ziggler’s face about beating him and being the best, then picks him up for a back suplex. Ziggler lands on his feet and pops up with a dropkick. He follows with a corner splash and goes for a neckbreaker, only to break it when he sees Owens coming in. Ziggler tries for a superkick, but Owens leaves the ring before that can happen. Ziggler then turns around and gets caught with a sidewinder by Rusev for 2. Owens tags himself in and stomps Ziggler in the back, then nails him with a right before stomping him against the bottom rope. Owens throws Ziggler to the corner and tags in Rusev, who rams his shoulder into Ziggler’s back. Rusev clubs Ziggler down, then knees him against the ropes. Ziggler tries some weak punches before planting Rusev with a leaping DDT. Commercials.
Back from the break, Owens is legal once again, and he drops Ziggler with an unseen move for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Ziggler fights out, and I notice that Booker T sucks as a heel commentator. He’s trying way too hard while still coming off like a face. Ziggler tries to dive over Owens for a tag, but Owens catches him and drops him face-first before hitting a running senton to the back for 2. Owens taunts Ryback on the apron, then tosses Ziggler to the heel corner for a chop. Ziggler crawls for a tag, but Owens is just toying with him. Owens nails some straight rights, follows up with an inverted atomic drop and finally a clothesline. He taunts Ryback some more, then covers Ziggler for 2. Rusev tags in and stomps Ziggler before hitting a vertical splash to the back against the ropes. He stomps Ziggler near the apron before dropping a headbutt and a few more stomps. An elbow off the ropes gets 2. Rusev hits a bodyslam and tags in Owens. Owens hits a bodyslam of his own, then tells Rusev to give Ziggler another before tagging him in. Rusev goes for one, but Ziggler escapes and hits a bodyslam of his own. Owens tags in, misses a clothesline and receives a bodyslam as well. Ziggler crawls to the corner and dives for the tag. Ryback and Rusev both tag in. Ryback hits a pair of shoulders before running into what is supposed to be a spinning heel kick by Rusev. I say “supposed to be”, because Rusev’s upper back made contact with Ryback instead of his legs, missing the move by several feet. That better get on Botchamania. Rusev covers Ryback for a 2-count. Rusev goes for the thrust kick, but Ryback blocks him and catches him with a spinebuster. He calls for the Meat Hook before knocking Owens off the apron. Off the distraction, Rusev connects with the thrust kick. Meanwhile, Owens grabs the IC title and bails on the match. Rusev screams at him and tells him to get out. He then grabs Ziggler and tosses him into the ring. Ziggler hits a surprise superkick, which then allows Ryback to nail Shell Shocked and get the 3.
WINNERS: RYBACK AND DOLPH ZIGGLER.
We see the Dudley Boyz in the back, and Bubba Ray is ranting about how much he hates the New Day, especially Xavier Woods. Renee Young stops them, and starts an interview, but Ray cuts them off when she says “New Day”. The New Day acting like they care about the WWE Universe and “Save the tables”. The only thing they act like is champions. On 10/3 in Madison Square Garden, the Dudleyz will beat them in the Dudleyz’ backyard, New York and become the 10-time champions. D-Von says this isn’t about tables; it’s about championships. The Prime-Time Players cut them off and wish the Dudleyz the best of luck in their rematch. And, when they’re done with the New Day, it’s Prime-Time, boys.
Jo-Jo is standing by with Seth Rollins. She brings up the stuff with Kane, then moves onto tonight’s main event. Rollins says she can’t be buying into the crap Kane is selling. Kane is a living, breathing demon. Something snapped him. Rollins doesn’t understand it, but the Authority needs to talk about getting Kane some serious help. Kane is the DOO for the time being, and what he says goes. Tonight is no big deal. He’s faced Dean Ambrose a bunch, and he’ll destroy him like always.
MATCH 5: DEAN AMBROSE VS. WWE WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS (NON-TITLE)
The two lock up, and Ambrose applies a hammerlock, only to have Rollins immediately get a rope break before dropping to the floor. Back in the ring, Ambrose takes Rollins down with a top wristlock, turns it into a hammerlock, then combines it with an armbar across Ambrose’s own back. He stomps the arm, then hits a hip throw. Rollins gets back to his feet and backs Ambrose into the corner and hits a shoulder thrust before stomping Ambrose down in the adjacent corner. Rollins goes for a corner whip, but Ambrose avoids contact. he then ducks a clothesline and knocks Rollins to the floor with a seated dropkick. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rollins puts Ambrose down with a bodyslam for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Ambrose gets to his feet, breaks on an Irish whip, then tosses Rollins to the floor. He goes for a suicide dive, but Rollins meets him between the ropes with a fist. Rollins them comes off the top with a flying knee for 2. Ambrose hits a few rights, then nails a big chop in the corner. Ambrose walks to the adjacent corner, where Rollins connects with another chop. Ambrose walks again, and Rollins chops again. Ambrose comes back with a series of his own chops, gets corner-whipped, blocks the charge with the boot and goes for a tornado DDT. Rollins tosses him on his face and connects with a thrust kick for 2. Rollins argues with the referee about the count as Ambrose gets to his feet in the corner. Rollins meets him with a running forearm, only for Ambrose to pull himself to his feet. Rollins hits another one before Ambrose follows him with a running corner clothesline. Rollins shoves off a bulldog attempt and nails a quick shot, leading to Ambrose hitting a rebound clothesline, which Rip Thomas is now calling the Lunatic Lariat. Rollins is up first, but Ambrose gets up quickly as well. He unloads on Rollins with numerous strikes, connects with a pair of forearms, another in a corner, and is now going for a superplex. Instead, he hits a butterfly superplex for 2. Ambrose goes up top, only to have Rollins meet him for a superplex. Ambrose fights him off, dives over Rollins, ducks a clothesline, goes for a roll-up, gets it blocked, then blocks a sunset flip attempt by sitting down on Rollins’ chest for 2. Rollins counters with a sunset flip for 2. Ambrose stacks Rollins up for 2. Rollins flips him again for 2. Both men back up now, and Ambrose backdrops Rollins to the floor. He connects with a suicide dive, then rolls Rollins back in. Rollins tries the thrust kick again, but Ambrose blocks it and hits a fisherman’s suplex for 2. I feel like I haven’t seen that move in a long time. Ambrose tries for Dirty Deeds, but Rollins escapes and connects with a Ghetto Blaster. The two trade some punches before Ambrose gets the best of the exchange. Rollins comes back with a boot, receives a kitchen sink, then hits a surprise Sling Blade, which is apparently the official name of the move now and not just what Tanahashi calls it. Anyway, Rollins goes for the Pedigree, but Ambrose escapes and goes for Dirty Deeds. Rollins escapes and shoves Ambrose to the corner, where he nearly collides with the referee. Rollins charges in, Ambrose sidesteps and Rollins sandwiches the ref against the buckles. Amazingly, referee Mike Chioda just shakes it off instead of selling it like he got shot. Rollins thumbs Ambrose in the eye when Chioda isn’t looking, then connects with the turnbuckle powerbomb. Rollins appears ready to go for the Pedigree again, and that’s when some pyro explodes on the stage. Rollins flips out and begins looking all over the mat to see if Kane comes out. Nothing happens, so Rollins starts screaming. Meanwhile, Ambrose takes the opportunity to roll Rollins up and get 3.
WINNER: DEAN AMBROSE.
We see Kane watching on a monitor in the back, smiling and laughing.
Rollins grabs a mic and screams, wanting to know where Kane is. Kane thinks he has the upper hand and wants to play mind games. Does Kane know who he is? Does he know what Rollins is capable of? Everyone who steps in the ring with him pays the price. Did Kane see what he did to Sting at NoC? If Kane continues to mess with him, he will suffer the same fate, because he is the man and, no matter what, he is still the WWE World Champion.
We see Kane again, and now he’s all angry-pants.
END OF SHOW.