This week on WWE SmackDown, Ryback faces Seth Rollins in a main event from RAW, only this time, it will be a lumberjack match. Also, the New Day will face Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Jimmy Uso for some reason.
MATCH 1: CESARO VS. THE MIZ
This is a rematch from RAW, which ended in a no-contest after the Big Show hit the ring and knocked both men out. Booker T is filling in Jimmy Uso on commentary for tonight. This is actually a huge relief, seeing as Uso makes Booker T look like Gordon Solie by comparison. Miz hits a quick forearm to the back. Cesaro’s ribs are still taped up. He comes back with a series of arm wringers, hits a hiptoss, mocks the Miz, then double-stomps him. Miz hits a back elbow out of the corner and mounts the buckles, but Cesaro sends him to the floor with a dropkick. Outside, Cesaro chases Miz back into the ring, meeting him with a clothesline. The referee pushes Cesaro away from the Miz in the corner, and Miz uses that to cheapshot Cesaro before nailing him with several strikes in the corner. Miz throws him to the adjacent corner and begins kicking him in the gut before hanging Cesaro out to dry across the top rope for 2. Miz kicks Cesaro in the ribs, then drives his knee into the spine. Miz stomps Cesaro in the gut, but Cesaro manages to partially block it. Miz applies a bodyscissors, but Cesaro powers out, lifts Miz up and hits a suplex from a cradle position. Cesaro sets up the Swing, but Miz kicks him in the gut to break it. He hits another kick in the corner, then dropkicks Cesaro in the knee. He goes for the figure-4, which Cesaro counters with a small package for 2. Miz boots Cesaro in the head, then pelts him with rights. He lands another boot to the head, then goes for a third. Cesaro ducks and locks Miz into a Sharpshooter from the down position. Miz taps out.
Renee Young is standing by with Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose. She points out there match tonight, saying they’ll team with Reigns’ cousin, Jimmy Uso. How did this match come about? Reigns points at Ambrose and says it was his idea. Reigns doesn’t want to involve his family, but he trusts his blood. Ambrose says Uso is ready. He and Reigns are blood, which makes him Ambrose’s blood as well. Uso is very excited. Ambrose is excited. Uso interrupts and starts his usual rambling kind of promo, saying “Oos” about 812 times in the process.
MATCH 2: PAIGE (W/CHARLOTTE AND BECKY LYNCH) VS. SASHA BANKS (W/NAOMI AND TAMINA)
We get an inset promo from PCB. Paige says Banks is in her house, and playtime is over. It’s time to tap. Banks’ entrance (both music and motions) is just awful. We get an inset promo from Team BAD. Banks says she’s the head out of the household. Tonight, she’ll show Paige why she’s the boss of this house. Ugh. The match hasn’t started, and the corner women start shoving each other. All four are ejected by the referee almost immediately. The match starts, and Paige immediately hits a spear for 1. A schoolgirl gets 1. A backslide gets 1. Banks tries to reverses the hold and succeeds for 1. She hits a knee to the gut before Paige hits a sunset flip for 1. A knee to the face by Paige gets 2. Banks rolls to the floor, where Paige hits a somersault plancha from the apron. She rolls Banks back in, who kicks Paige through the ropes and back to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Banks is stomping Paige in the corner. Banks snaps Paige onto her back for 2, then knee-chokes her over the middle rope. Banks sets Paige up across the middle buckle and drops a double knee to the gut for 2. You know, for as good as Banks is, it’s like Vince or Triple H told her, “You can’t kick or use your knees enough in your matches”, because that’s damn near all she does. Anyway, Paige fights out of a chinlock, but then gets whipped down by the hair for 2 before screeching. Banks trash-talks, kicks Paige in the gut, stomps her down in the corner and applies a foot-choke before hitting a double knee to the face for 2 (see what I mean?). Banks sort-of hits a snapmare, then applies a straightjacket. Paige powers to her feet, but then gets thrown to the corner. Banks runs into a back elbow, then misses a corner splash. Paige hits a running knee, follows up with a snapmare, then drops Banks with a big side kick for 2. Banks shoves Paige away and slaps her. The ref separates them to make sure Paige is okay. Paige explodes out of the corner with a spear, and now the two roll around and out to the floor. Paige throws Banks into the barricade. Banks does the same before hitting another spear. Paige rolls back in as another referee runs down. The two continue to scrap until the rest of Team BAD and PCB hit the ring, leading to a six-way brawl. The bell still hasn’t been rung, but I’m guessing this is a no-contest. The two referees separate the two teams before Team BAD bails to the floor. Paige tackles Banks again, and the brawl just keeps going before BAD finally head up the ramp.
WINNER: NO CONTEST.
Byron Saxton is standing by with Seth Rollins. Saxton points out Rollins lost twice on RAW, then watched his statue get crushed. Rollins says RAW was possibly the lowest point in his career, and it was all thanks to Sting. That statue wasn’t just a symbol of his greatness; it was a symbol of his status as a living legend, and now that statue is gone. Destroyed. Sting thinks he’s playing mind games, but all he’s doing is digging himself deeper into a grave he cannot escape, because at NoC, not only will Rollins beat Sting, he’ll crush his dreams of being the champion the same way Sting crushed his statue. Rollins has a lot of doubters after RAW, but tonight, he has requested this rematch with Ryback in a lumberjack match, so every doubter in the locker room can see Ryback never would have beaten him if it weren’t for Sting. After he’s through with Ryback, he’s moving onto NoC where he’ll not only beat Sting, he’ll also defend the US title against John Cena. That’s two legends, two generations, two matches, two opportunities to prove he is the m…Rollins stops and the camera pans over to Sheamus. Sheamus says he’s got three matches, maybe, at NoC. Sheamus can’t figure out when to cash in his contract for a shot at the World title. With NoC around the corner and Rollins facing two legends…it’s very tempting to Sheamus. Good luck tonight, champ.
MATCH 3: THE NEW DAY (WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E, KOFI KINGSTON AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. JIMMY USO, DEAN AMBROSE AND ROMAN REIGNS
Woods and Reigns start, with Woods applying a side headlock. Reigns sends him into the ropes, misses to shots, gets a fireman’s carry, then drops Woods into an uppercut. Ambrose tags in, and the two hit a double suplex. Ambrose stomps Woods, then lights him up with some chops before hitting a snapmare and a low clothesline. A power-drive elbow gets 2. In the corner, Woods hits a boot and tags in E. Ambrose ducks a clothesline, hits several shots, ducks another clothesline, then runs right into a third attempt. Kofi tags in and stomps Ambrose for 1. Ambrose punches him away before Kofi slides to the floor with a trip. He comes off the top with a double axe handle for 2 before knocking Reigns off the apron. Ambrose manages to tag out to Uso Uso gets all his hot tag offense in, ending with a horrible Samoan drop. He hits a hip attack in the corner before nailing Woods with an uppercut. Ambrose sends Woods to the floor, then lays him out with a suicide dive. Uso sends Kofi out as well and hits a suicide dive over Ambrose on the apron. Back in the ring, Uso gets hiptossed to the floor by E as Kofi distracts the ref. Commercials.
Back from the break, E tags in and clubs Uso down in the corner before the New Day start their stomping bit. The sequence ends with the Kofi corner dropkick spot before Kofi drops Uso with a short-arm clothesline for 2. Kofi applies a rear chinlock, then yanks Uso down as he tries to fight out. Woods tags in and throws Uso to the corner for a gut shot. He shoves Uso into the adjacent corner before running into a superkick. Reigns tags in and runs over Woods before hitting the other two members of New Day. Off the ropes, he hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Woods, In the corner, Reigns goes into his series of clotheslines, then throws Woods into Kofi on the apron. Outside, he nails Kofi with a clothesline before hitting the Fly-By on Woods. Back in the ring, Reigns sets up a powerbomb before ducking a clothesline from E. He puts E down with a Samoan drop before Woods hits a hotshot from the apron and a tornado DDT through the ropes for 2 as Ambrose breaks it. Kofi comes in off the ropes, and Ambrose kicks him in the gut, then hits Dirty Deeds. E pulls Ambrose to the floor and into the barricade. Ambrose shakes it off and comes back with a clothesline. Back to the ring, Woods blocks a corner charge with a pair of boots, then goes for the Honor Roll, which Reigns counters with a Superman Punch. Uso tags in and climbs to the top. The lights go out, and when they come back on, Uso is up on the stage, getting choked out by Braun Strowman. Ambrose and Reigns go after him. The lights go out again, and when they come on, Uso is laid out on the stage. We hear Bray Wyatt say, “They all fall down” over the speaker system before laughing. The segment goes to commercial, leading me to believe we’ve got another no contest, even though it actually should have been a DQ win for Ambrose and company.
WINNER: NO CONTEST.
MATCH 4: THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO AND SIN CARA) VS. THE ASCENSION (KONNOR AND VIKTOR, W/STARDUST)
I don’t get the WWE’s obsession with 3-man teams lately. Unless they’re planning on reviving the old 6-Man Tag Team Championship, it seems pointless. We get an inset promo from Stardust and the Ascension, with Stardust doing all the talking. Who gives a damn? They end with their new “Welcome to the cosmic wasteland” catchphrase. Viktor and Cara start with a lock-up before Viktor hits a European uppercut. Cara ducks a clothesline before hitting a springboard forearm. Kalisto tags in and comes off the top with a cross-body. He nails Konnor with a forearm, who no-sells, then dives at Viktor. Viktor catches him, but Kalisto breaks free and nails a shot to the face and a kick. Viktor ducks a clothesline then falls to the floor for no reason. Konnor comes in and throws Kalisto into the ropes, only to get hit with a Tidal Crush that sends him to the floor. Cara goes for an Asai moonsault, but gets yanked to the floor by the Ascension. Stardust temporarily distracts Kalisto, which allows Viktor to come back in and nail an STO. Konnor tags in, and they hit the Fall of Man for 3.
WINNERS: THE ASCENSION.
Well, I guess the Lucha Dragons just took the Ascension’s spot as a jobber team.
After the match, the Dragons get triple-teamed until Neville hits the ring. He ducks a clothesline at ringside from Konnor, then sends Viktor to the floor with a dropkick before Stardust escapes. And now we’ve got another 3-man team, right?
We get a commercial for Dean Ambrose’s new movie, 12 Rounds 3 or something.
Team C*m Dumpster Fire are rambling in the back. Renee Young stops them for an interview. Nikki Bella excuses her partners, then blathers on about how wonderful she is. Charlotte cuts her off. She’s not scared of Nikki, nor is she jealous. Nikki is about to be the woman who almost became the longest-reigning WWE Divas Champion. Nikki blows more smoke. Charlotte says she’ll be the next champion and does a “WOOOO!”
MATCH 5-CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION LUMBERJACK MATCH: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION RYBACK VS. WWE UNITED STATES AND WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS (NON-TITLE)
Rollins avoids a lock-up, then goes for one before applying a side headlock. Ryback shoves him into the ropes and hits a shoulder for a 0-count. Ryback begins working the arm with an arm wringer. He turns it into a wristlock, then slams Rollins down while still holding the arm. Rollins fights out of a hammerlock before receiving an armdrag. Rollins rolls to the apron, where he’s stopped by lumberjacks. Ryback hiptosses him back in, and he rolls to the other side of the ring, where the lumberjacks roll him back in. Ryback drops him, then goes for a suplex. Rollins escapes and hits a jawbreaker before tossing Ryback to the floor. He fights off Bo Dallas, then rolls back in, where Rollins clubs him down. Ryback reverses a corner whip and hits a clothesline. He tries it on the other side, but runs shoulder-first into the post and falls to the floor. The heel lumberjacks attack before the faces step in. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rollins hits a Sling Blade off the ropes for 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Ryback gets to his feet, but the move gets turned into a neckbreaker for 2. Rollins stomps Ryback down, then heads to the middle for a cross-body. Ryback catches him and hits a fall-away slam. Rollins recovers first and hits a forearm in the corner before smacking Ryback around. He tries a second time, misses, and Ryback capitalizes with punches before hitting a hard corner whip. Ryback knocks Rollins down with a couple forearms, then nails a shoulder. He runs into a corner boot, but then catches Rollins with a Michinoku driver #2 for 2. Ryback gets pulled to the floor by the Big Show, where he eats a few punches. Mark Henry tries to intervene, but takes a KO Punch for his troubles. Show shoves a bunch of the face lumberjacks, who then gang up on him and put some distance between him and the ring. Show backs up all the way to the stage, then decides to leave. Back at ringside, Ryback shoves a bunch of the heel lumberjacks away as Rollins tries a suicide dive. Ryback meets him with a forearm, re-enters the ring and nails a spinebuster for 2. He goes for the Meat Hook, but Rollins meets him with a kick. Ryback then backdrops him to the outside onto some of the lumberjacks. Now the lumberjacks are fighting, and a bunch enter the ring and gang up on Ryback. Stardust lays him out with the Queen’s Crossbow, and now the face lumberjacks have hit the ring. The Lucha Dragons hit a double suicide dive on a bunch of the heels before Neville hits a seated missile dropkick on Stardust. Neville goes up top and hits a moonsault to the lumberjacks on the floor. Rollins sneaks back in and goes for a Pedigree. Ryback backdrops him, he lands on his feet, then eats a Meat Hook. Ryback goes for Shell Shocked, but Kevin Owens trips him. Rollins then plants Ryback with a Pedigree and gets 3.
WINNER: SETH ROLLINS.
END OF SHOW.