This week’s WWE SmackDown opens with both WWE GMs, Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero, standing in the ring. Vickie ays the authority of WWE has placed responsibility on her to make sure SmackDown runs smoothly. She assures us that the debacle that occurred on Monday night will not be repeated tonight. She will have order. She will have discipline. She says Maddox is here to assist her, and he says his job tonight is to ensure a certain 7-foot, 500-lb. freak is not in the arena and won’t cause anymore chaos. To ensure that this doesn’t happen, he has stationed security around the entire perimeter of the arena to make sure Show does not bother anyone, including the fans. Vickie says they both would like to express their sincere gratitude to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley and Triple to have the faith in them to carry out the banner for what’s best for business. Maddox says they’d also like to thank all of the fans for coming to the show this evening. They certainly hope the fans have a good time.
As they are leaving, Daniel Bryan’s music hits. He comes down to the ring and says he wants to let the GMs know that he’s thrilled that they are here to carry the banner for what’s best for business. That’s great, and he feels like he should be of some assistance, because in approximately 9 days, he beats Randy Orton for the vacant WWE Championship inside Hell in a Cell with a special guest referee Shawn Michaels. But, because of this, he’s here to help. He’s going to give them a warning: there’s a rumor that a big, sasquatch-like character is here. And somehow, he has gotten through the perimeter of their security. And here he is, the Big Show!
Also tonight, CM Punk makes a rare SD appearance and faces Big E. Langston. Up next, Harper/Rowan vs. Miz/Kingston.
MATCH 1: Luke Harper and Erick Rowan (w/Bray Wyatt) vs. Kofi Kingston and the Miz
Instead of getting the Wyatt Family entrance, the two are already in the ring after the lights come back on. Rowan starts the match with Miz, still wearing his mask. He throws Miz to the corner, but Miz kicks his way out, hits a big boot and a hanging clothesline on the opposite side of the ring. He goes through Rowan’s legs, but Rowan picks him up by the neck. Miz escapes and hits a dropkick in his corner before tagging in Kofi. He hits the mounted punches before Kofi comes in with a double stomp to the arm. Rowan fights back with a forearm and runs Kofi head-first into the buckles with a headlock. Harper tags in and sends Kofi into the corner. Kofi moves and goes for a monkey flip. Harper throws him off, but Kofi lands on his feet and trips Harper into the middle rope. He slingshots to the outside and hits a dropkick through the ropes before hitting a slingshot splash for 2. Harper receives a hotshot on the apron, but as Kofi comes in with a springboard, Harper drops him with a big boot for 1. Harper nails an uppercut and tags in Rowan. Harper throws Kofi into a Rowan bodyslam, and Rowan then assaults Kofi in the corner. Kofi tries to fight out, but Rowan drapes him across the top rope. Harper tags in and clubs Kofi down to the . Harper applies a spinning front chancery, then turns it into a rear chinlock. He nails a European uppercut, then sends Kofi into the corner. Kofi counters with a Pendulum Kick as Harper comes charging. Rowan charges in and gets low-bridged to the floor. As Miz almost gets the tag, Rowan yanks him to the floor and into the barricade. Kofi turns around and avoids a big boot but then gets nailed with a discus clothesline for the 3.
WINNERS: Luke Harper and Erick Rowan. Harper absolutely nailed Kofi with that shot. It looked great. After the match, Bray Wyatt says he knows what Miz is feeling, and it’s okay to be afraid, for he is the hammer everyone fears, but she is the force that drives the nail. So, his advice to Miz is to enjoy his world as long as he can, because they are gonna take it all away. Follow the buzzards.
MATCH 2: Brie Bella (w/Nikki Bella) vs. WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee (w/Tamina Snuka; non-title)
AJ bails to the floor as Brie tries to grab her after the opening bell. She gets back in and immediately slides to the floor. Brie follows outside, but Tamina steps between them. AJ tries to attack from behind, but Brie hits a right. Back in the ring, Brie hits a Thesz Press. AJ rolls to the apron and hotshots Brie’s bad arm across the middle rope. AJ gets back in and continues the attack, applying a fujiwara. Brie fights out before running into a roundhouse to the chest and arm. AJ hits a armbar takedown, then whips Brie down by the hair for 1. AJ ties the bad arm up in the middle rope, then applies a hammerlock. Brie breaks the hold with a jawbreaker before hitting a pair of jumping clotheslines. She hits a back elbow out of the corner and mounts the middle rope and hits a missile dropkick for 2. AJ falls against the middle rope, and Brie hits a pair of knees to the face. Outside, Tamina tries to charge Nikki, but Nikki moves and sends Tamina crashing over the ring steps. Back in the ring, Brie escapes a schoolgirl and hits a sit-out facebuster for 3.
WINNER: Brie Bella. Sh*t. This means we’ll get yet another AJ/Brie title match at HIAC.
As Lilian Garcia begins announcing the next match, she stops when she sees the Big Show walking through the crowd. He enters the ring and Lilian hands him the mic. He says hi to the fans here in Kansas City, MO, then says he’ll probably get in trouble for being here tonight, but honestly, what could he do when he has an autographed ticket from Daniel Bryan? He’s here tonight to thank each and every one of the fans. He’s been going through some tough times, and the overwhelming support the fans have shown him means the absolute world to him and his family. The support the fans are showing him through social media is not falling on deaf ears. The authority is not happy that the WWE Universe wants Show to get his job back. Show thinks we’ve all discovered here lately what’s best for business, and he holds his fist up. Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero stomp down to the ring, with Maddox screaming that Show needs to get out of here. Vickie says he’s fired and is staying fired. Maddox continues to ream Show and orders him out of his building, and Show says that the worst thing you can say to a man who has lost everything is that, because he now has nothing to lose. Show then KOs Maddox, drops his mic and begins a “Yes!” chant before shaking Michael Cole’s hand and leaving through the crowd.
MATCH 3: CM Punk vs. Big E. Langston
These guys had a damn good match a few weeks ago on RAW, so I’m pretty hopeful here. Punk starts with a waistlock, and Langston easily breaks it before hitting a back elbow. He clubs Punk across the back, but Punk comes back with rights and applies a side headlock. Langston breaks free and shoulders Punk off the ropes. Punk tries a hip toss off a crisscross, but Langston blocks it. Punk ducks a clothesline and hits a kick to the arm. Langston backs Punk into the corner, sends him across the ring and hits an avalanche. Langston hits a kneelift to the face, then lands a body blow and a forearm to the back. Punk hits some more rights, followed by some forearms. Langston reverses an Irish whip before getting low-bridged to the floor. Punk hits a slingshot cross-body, but Langston catches him and slams him into the apron before throwing him into the barricade. Commercials.
Back from the break, Langston has Punk firmly locked in a half-Boston crab. Punk breaks free and hits a few forearms before trying a bodyscissors. Langston blocks it and turns the move right back into a half-crab. Punk crawls to the ropes and gets a break. Langston deadlifts him into a gutbuster, then grinds his forearm into Punk’s face before hitting a crossface strike. Punk manages to block a Warrior Splash with his knees, then hits a series of strikes to Langston’s face and legs before hitting a jumping side kick and a clothesline. Punk ducks a clothesline and goes for a swinging neckbreaker. Langston shoves him off into the corner, but Punk avoids the charge, and Langston goes shoulder-first into the ring post before falling to the floor outside. Punk hits a diving forearm through the ropes, then rolls Langston back in. Up top, Punk hits a nice cross-body for 2. Langston pulls himself to his feet in the corner, where Punk hits the running knee and a short-arm clothesline. He goes up top once more for the Macho Elbow, which hits for another 2. Punk signals for the GTS and goes for it, but Langston escapes and hits a standing avalanche. He connects with the Warrior Splash on the second try, but only gets 2. Langston calls for the Big Ending, but Punk slides free, hits a roundhouse to the face and lands the GTS for 3.
WINNER: CM Punk. As Punk is celebrating, we see Paul Heyman, Ryback and Curtis Axel on the stage. Heyman congratulates Punk on a victory over a marginally talented rookie named Big E. Langston. However, prodigal son, Punk will be facing a professional who can snap his neck like a twig. A caged animal, Heyman’s Ryback, and Punk wants no part of Ryback or Heyman himself, the man that beat Punk with both hands tied behind his back, which makes him the best in the world. Punk says that actually makes Heyman a complete and total idiot. Heyman is forgetting two important things, and that’s two words. The first one is cell, meaning he, Heyman and Ryback will be locked inside. Heyman will get what’s coming to him. As far as Ryback goes, like an animal, Punk is going to put Ryback to sleep. The second word is hell, and that’s exactly what Punk is going to put the two of them through. Heyman says, in the immortal words of AC/DC, hell ain’t no bad place to be, and if Punk wants to stay in the ring, he’ll explain it to Punk personally. Punk attacks Axel at ringside, but is immediately nailed by Ryback from behind. The two roll him into the ring, and then follow. Langston gets back in the ring and nails Axel with a clothesline. Punk hits Ryback with a roundhouse as Langston hits an overhead belly-to-belly suplex on Axel. Punk nails the knee in the corner on Ryback and allows Langston to hit a running clothesline on Axel. He follows up with another roundhouse to Ryback, and the Paul Heyman Guys roll to the floor as Heyman backs up the ramp. Langston screams, “Who’s the rookie now?” at Heyman as Heyman looks on.
Alberto Del Rio is in the ring, waving the Mexican national flag over his head. Josh Mathews is standing by with ADR and says that, in just over a week at HIAC, he defends the title against John Cena. We then get a video for Cena. We cut back to ADR for his reaction, and he says he was carrying the Mexican flag because he is Mexico’s greatest export and God’s gift to humanity. The fans are just gringos. They have no flavor, soul, passion or Mexican passion. Here is the best part: who is representing the gringos as the ultimate gringo? John Cena. He can’t stand Cena. Who does Cena think he is to come back from surgery to face ADR? Cena has to start from the bottom. He is going loco. Plus, he’s been out of action for the past two months because he sprained his elbow. Cena is going soft. He is not the man he used to be, except for his ego. His ego grows bigger with every passing day, but after he loses at HIAC, he’ll be just like all these gringos: a nobody. One more thing: you want to know what will happened to your injured arm at HIAC? Watch this. ADR winks, nails Mathews in the face and applies a jujigatame for a minute or so.
MATCH 4: The Real Americans (Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger, w/Zeb Colter) vs. The Usos (Jey and Jimmy)
Colter is unfortunately on commentary for this match. Cesaro starts the match with an Uso, hitting a European uppercut. The Uso comes back with a spinning back elbow and a full-nelson bomb. The other Uso tags in and hits a low clothesline for 2. He picks Cesaro up and hits a chop before Cesaro comes back with a kick and tags in Swagger. Cesaro gets low-bridged to the outside before Swagger hits a clothesline from the apron. He hits a series of kneelifts in the corner and an avalanche before tagging in Cesaro. Cesaro goes for the giant swing and swings the Uso 26 times, by my count. Swagger tags back in and hits a quick belly-to-belly suplex before applying a double chicken-wing. I finally see that this is Jey, which makes writing this easier. Jey fights out of the hold then leaps for a tag. Swagger catches him and rams him into the corner, then hits a Swagger Bomb after tagging in Cesaro. Cesaro leaps over his back with a double stomp for 2 as Jey gets his foot on the ropes. Swagger tags back in and applies a top wristlock before kneeing Jey in the gut and knocking Jimmy off the apron. Jey rolls him up for 2 before Swagger comes back with an elevated belly-to-belly suplex. Los Matadores music hits, and as they come on the stage, Colter leaves the announce desk to try and stop them. El Torito comes out and gores Colter in the stomach. He then does it to Colter’s ass, knocking him down. Back to the match, Jimmy knocks Cesaro down on the floor with a running clothesline off the apron. In the ring, Jey rolls Swagger up with a flipping sunset flip for 2, gets back to his feet and lands a superkick. Jimmy tags in and hits the Samoan Splash for 3.
WINNERS: The Usos. After the match, Los Matadores and El Torito hit Swagger with inverted double flapjack/cannonball combo before celebrating with the Usos.
MATCH 5: Daniel Bryan, and WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. The Shield (WWE United States Champion Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins)
Before the Shield come out, Randy Orton comes out on the stage. He asks Bryan who the hell he thinks he is. Does Bryan think he can really beat Orton? Well, Orton thinks he’s way over his head with that pretty little fiancée of his, delusions of grandeur and stupid catchphrases. He’s in way over his head if he thinks he can beat Orton at HIAC. And now Shawn Michaels, a man Orton has had a problem with his entire career, is the special referee and the odds are stacked against Orton. However, Orton promises the entire world he will once again become the WWE Champion, and unquestionably be the face of WWE once more.
The match starts with Goldust and Reigns. Reigns immediately knocks Goldust down before beating him up in the corner with kicks and headbutts. Ambrose tags in and continues the assault before tagging in Rollins, who does the same thing. Reigns back in, and he headbutts Goludst in the corner before corner-whipping him. Goldust blocks it and hits a springboard back elbow for 2. Reigns recovers before running into an inverted atomic drop and a boot to the head for 1. Rhodes makes the blind tag and hits a springboard missile dropkick for 1. He attacks Ambrose and Rollins on the apron before getting clubbed from behind by Reigns. Reigns sends him shoulder-first into the heel corner. Commercials.
WINNERS: Daniel Bryan, Goldust and Cody Rhodes. Bryan’s running knee on Ambrose looked like a car crash, and that’s definitely a compliment. Really good main event tonight, too. All six guys looked great.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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