This week emanates from Ottawa, Canada. Jerry Lawler is in the ring, and he says that last week, exclusively on the WWE Network, they held the 2015 KOTR tournament. It’s an honor to be crowned, because it means you held your own in a multi-match tournament with little downtime. It says a lot about an athletes credentials and means you’re pretty darn good if you can win. So now, he’d like to introduce the winner of this year’s tournament, King Barrett.
Barrett comes down, wearing the crown & cape, and carrying a scepter. Looks like he’s officially going by the moniker “King Barrett” now. The crowd chants for Lawler as Barrett gets into the ring. He goes to congratulate Barrett, but Barrett cuts him off and says there’s only one king in WWE, and it certainly isn’t Lawler. Lawler just likes to call himself “The King”. Barrett earned that accolade by beating 3 men in 24 hours to get the title. So, if Lawler thinks he can address Barrett as an equal, he’s got another thing coming. If Lawler wants to start this conversation, he has to do the same thing as all these commoners here, and that’s utter the following words: “All hail King Barrett”. Correct him if he’s wrong, but the trailer parks of Memphis doesn’t have any castles. Just like that other phony king, Elvis Presley, the only throne Lawler is qualified to sit on is the bloody toilet. So, just repeat the four magic words instead. Lawler says he’s not going to do that. Barrett orders him to and gets in his face, but Lawler stands his ground. Barrett then says this interview is over. He takes off his crown and cape, drops his scepter and signals for the Bull Hammer.
Dolph Ziggler comes out before this can go further. He congratulates Barrett on becoming the KOTR, but Barrett isn’t coming off like royalty; he’s coming off like a renaissance faire reject. Barrett was wearing the crown to tight. It’s a good thing he dropped his gear, because Ziggler’s about to drop him.
MATCH 1: KING BARRETT VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER
The two lock up, and Barrett drops Ziggler with a kneelift, followed by an elbow to the back. Ziggler comes back with some weak shots, only to run into a back elbow. Barrett throws Ziggler to the corner, then proceeds to stomp him down. Barrett hits a quick suplex for 2, then drops a knee off the ropes for another 2. My feed cuts out in the middle of an Irish whip, and when it comes back, Barrett has Ziggler in a rear chinlock. Ziggler gets to his feet, elbows his way out, hits a headbutt and goes for a corner whip. Barrett reverses, but Ziggler puts on the breaks and goes for a headscissors. Barrett tosses him up and kicks him right in the face on the way back down for a 2-count. Barrett drives his knee into Ziggler’s back a couple times, then drives him down with a modified surfboard. Ziggler reverses, nails some punches and hits Barrett with a jawbreaker before running into the Winds of Change for 2. I love that move. Barrett tells the crowd to bow down to the king, but he winds up taking too much time, and Ziggler comes back with a rocker dropper for 2, only to have Sheamus come down and assault Ziggler, leading to the DQ.
Barrett and Sheamus proceed to double-team Ziggler in the corner before Sheamus sends him into a big boot by Barrett. Alliteration is fun. The assault continues as they tie Ziggler up in the ropes, and that’s when Neville comes from out of nowhere, hitting Sheamus with a dropkick and sending Barrett to the floor with a flying forearm.
After some commercials, we come back, and Barrett is assaulting Neville at ringside. Apparently, during the commercials, a new match was both made and started.
MATCH 2: KING BARRETT AND SHEAMUS VS. NEVILLE AND DOLPH ZIGGLER
Barrett rams Neville into the ring apron on the floor, then rolls him in before tagging in Sheamus. Barrett holds Neville down as Sheamus stomps on him. Sheamus kicks him right across the face, then nails him with a right. Neville fights back with a few strikes, then tries to dive over Sheamus to make the tag. Sheamus blocks him, tosses him, then knocks Ziggler off the apron. He turns around and catches Neville with an Irish Curse for 2, then drags him to the heel corner for a tag. Barrett stomps Neville, then strikes him with a series of kneelifts. He corner-whips Neville, then catches him with a backbreaker for 2. Barrett applies a rear chinlock, but Neville quickly fights out. He lands a kick off the ropes and goes for a tag, but Barrett grabs him and hits a big boot. Sheamus back in, and he comes off the ropes with a quick knee. Sheamus grinds Neville down with a rear chinlock, then gets a 2-count. Neville tries to get to his corner, but Sheamus cuts him off. Neville hits some weak body blows, but then gets caught with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Sheamus rolls Neville to the apron, then pulls him up for the 10 Beats of the Bodhran. He only gets in three before Neville catches him with a hotshot. Neville rolls back in, runs into a powerslam, escapes to the corner, then avoids a shoulder thrust. Sheamus collides with the ring post and falls to the floor. Back in, Sheamus tags out to Barrett while Neville tags Ziggler. Ziggler hits a pair of clotheslines and a corner splash. Barrett avoids a neckbreaker and shoves Ziggler off, only to send Ziggler into Sheamus with a shot to the face. Ziggler turns around and pops off a nice dropkick on Barrett, then hits a leaping DDT for 2. He goes for the rocker dropper, misses, and gets caught in the Wasteland. Ziggler escapes and nails a superkick for 2. Sheamus in, and he misses a Brogue Kick before Ziggler sends him to the floor. Neville wipes him out with a twisting suicide dive, and Barrett then rolls Ziggler up for 2 with his feet on the ropes, which Neville sees and puts a stop to. Barrett turns to argue with Neville on the floor, which allows Ziggler to drop him with a Zig-Zag for 3.
WINNERS: NEVILLE AND DOLPH ZIGGLER.
You know, if both of these duos stay together, we could have two really good teams for the tag team division. Both sides gel really well, despite both teams pretty much being thrown together.
The New Day have challenged Cesaro and Tyson Kidd to a six-man match, with the latter getting to choose a third man.
Renee Young is standing by with Dean Ambrose. She mentions he’s going into Payback with a 1-in-4 chance of walking out as WWE World Champion. How does he feel about that? Ambrose says those are better odds than he had before he beat Seth Rollins on RAW and got into this match. He’s not a math or science guy. He’d rather hang out under the bleachers. He’s never cared for rules or schedules or authority. There’s something called chaos that they can’t factor in to any of the equations they like to use. In a fatal 4-way match, anyone can win at any time. That means maybe the last guy you’d expect or want walks out the NEW WWE World Champion. The contract signing tonight should be interesting. He’s a bit of a party crasher, and he has a feeling nobody is going to be happy to see him.
MATCH 3: LUKE HARPER VS. FANDANGO
So…this is what Harper has been reduced to. Breaking up the Wyatt Family was a huge mistake. Fandango is now high-fiving fans, so I guess he’s officially a babyface now, not that anyone really gives a damn. Harper appears to be doing the Fandango dance for a moment, but he uses it as a distraction, only to nail Fandango with a big boot a moment later. He follows up with a bodyslam. He goes for another, but Fandango slides out and hits a few shots before connecting with a seated dropkick off the ropes. He ducks a clothesline and hits a spinning heel kick, then hits a boot out of the corner. He drops Harper with a tornado DDT, then goes up for the Last Dance. Harper is up quickly, and he launches Fandango to the mat. He nails a big superkick, lays Fandango out with a discus clothesline and gets 3.
WINNER: LUKE HARPER.
Erick Rowan’s music hits. Wait…this crap with Harper is still going? Did it really ever even get off the ground? Does anyone even care about Rowan? Rowan enters the ring and removes the sheep mask. He then proceeds to stomp Fandango into obvlivion before dropping a big knee. He then hits him with a full-nelson slam, which is already Damien Sandow’s finisher, and is now the third finisher Rowan has had in about a year. How much you want to bet Sandow is forced to change his? Anyway, Rowan then leaves as Harper looks on.
Okay, if they’re planning on putting these two together, I can get behind that, especially due to the fact that Rowan is utterly worthless on his own.
After some commercials, we return to Lana in the ring. She is smiling. She tells the fans not to cheer for her, as it angers Rusev. Rusev then comes out on this note. Rusev gets in the ring and berates her in Russian before ordering her out of the ring. Well, there goes the only reason anyone gives a damn about Rusev. That won’t stop WWE from shoving him down our throats, though. Rusev looks around the crowd, then says all of John Cena’s victories have been nothing but flukes and miracles. *Russian* Last Monday on RAW, Cena showed Sami Zayn mercy, which is a sign of weakness. Rusev is a machine. He shows no mercy and has no weaknesses. At Payback, he will expose Cena to the world and win back the US title. In their final battle, Cena will be crushed, and everything he’s built over the years will crumble. But on this coming RAW, he wants to meet Cena eye-to-eye in the ring and tell him to his face why Cena will say the words “I quit”.
Renee Young is now standing by with Roman Reigns. She brings up the fatal 4-way and his history with all three competitors. She asks if he has any conflicting emotions going into this. He says not really. He’s been rivals with Randy Orton since day 1. He pretty much hates everything about Seth Rollins. Dean Ambrose is like a brother him, and he trusts Ambrose, which means he also trusts Ambrose will do anything to walk out as champion. However, Reigns is bringing the biggest fight the world has ever seen to Payback, so the quicker he signs the contract, the closer he gets to punching someone in the mouth. Not for fun this time; for championship gold. Believe that.
The New Day is in the ring, and we’re waiting to see who Cesaro and Kidd found. They come out with Natalya. A moment later, their partner comes out…and it’s Ryback.
MATCH 4: THE NEW DAY (WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E & KOFI KINGSTON, AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. CESARO, TYSON KIDD AND RYBACK (W/NATALYA)
The feed for this match is pure dogsh*t, so I apologize in advance, because you’re not going to get much of a recap, I fear. After a few moments of garbled mess, which started with Ryback and Kofi, things clear up a bit with both Kidd and Woods tagging in. Kidd applies a side headlock before making a blind tag to Cesaro off an Irish whip. Cesaro comes in with a big clothesline, then hits a delayed vertical suplex after saying to Ryback, “Big Guy, this one’s for you.” As he has Woods up, E tries to run interference, so Ryback comes in and hoists him up in a delayed vertical as well. Kidd and Kofi comes in, and Kidd joins the fray with a snap suplex. Back to Cesaro and Woods, Cesaro throws Woods to the corner and tags in Kidd. The two stomps Woods down to a “New Day sucks!” chant. Ryback tags in and does his own “New Day sucks” stomp before hitting a bodyslam. Kidd back in as Woods rolls to the apron. Woods shoulders Kidd and comes in with a sunset flip. Kidd rolls through and goes for a Sharpshooter, but Woods rolls to the floor. Kidd wipes him out with a somersault plancha. Kofi comes in, so Cesaro sends him to the floor before surprising everyone with a suicide dive. E tries to run interference on Kidd, so Ryback runs through him with a clothesline on the floor. Kidd rolls Woods back in and goes for a corner whip. Woods reverses and sends Kidd to the floor off a headscissors attempt. Kidd lands on the apron and nails Woods, but is then distracted by Kofi, allowing Woods to shoulder him to the floor. E tags in and drops to the floor, where he rams Kidd back-first into the barricade, then into the apron, then into the barricade, and then finally into the apron again. Commercials.
Back from the break, Kofi is legal for his team, and he pins Kidd for 2 before applying a modified rear chinlock, combined with a half-nelson. Kidd fights out, but then gets clubbed across the back. Woods tags in before Kofi hits a spinning back kick off a corner whip, then comes in with a tornado DDT through the ropes for 2. E tags in and nails a body blow in the corner. E then hits an overhead belly-to-belly, followed by another one for 2. Woods tags in and kicks Kidd in the gut and sends him to the corner. Kidd reverses and sends Woods in face-first. Kofi makes the tag and knocks Cesaro off the apron. Kidd ducks a clothesline and tags in Ryback, who cleans house. He misses a clothesline, then catches Kofi off the second rope with a spinebuster. Woods tries to interfere as Ryback signals for the Meat Hook, and gets knocked to the floor. Kofi comes back with a Pendulum, only to have Ryback tag out to Cesaro. Ryback sends sends Kofi to the corner off an overhead belly-to-belly, and Cesaro comes in with a running European uppercut, then does this series three more times before setting up the Cesaro Swing. E runs interference, misses a clothesline and knocks Ryback off the apron. Cesaro sends E flying to the outside, and as Woods checks on him, Kidd nails Woods with a running kick to the face from the apron. Back in the ring, Cesaro blocks a roll-up attempt by Kofi, then nails a dropkick. He tags in Kidd, who climbs up onto Cesaro shoulders and balances there while Cesaro walks to the center of the ring, only to come off with a flying elbow. He gets 2 as E breaks up the pin. Cesaro then gets thrown to the floor by E. Ryback comes in and tosses Woods, only to get caught in the Big Ending. He manages to escape, however, and proceeds to clothesline E to the floor.Woods gets slammed onto his face by Ryback, then sent to the floor. Ryback heads out after him. The lights go out, and we see one of Bray Wyatt’s video clips. The lights come back on, and Woods has Ryback’s foot, which allows E to level him with a vertical splash. Cesaro dives onto E from the barricade and hits him with a tornado DDT. Kidd dropkicks Woods through the ropes, but then gets rolled up by Kofi, who gets 3 with a handful of tights.
WINNERS: THE NEW DAY.
Renee Young again? Oh, god. Now she’s with Randy Orton. Great. She points out he failed at Extreme Rules, then asks if he’s rethinking his strategy at Payback now that Dean Ambrose is in the match. He says doesn’t lose sleep over strategy. He’ll hit whoever is closest to him, no matter who it is, and he’ll get the WWE World title back. After tonight, the odds are that one of the former members of the Shield aren’t making it to Payback.
MATCH 5: EMMA VS. NAOMI (W/TAMINA)
Bet you forgot both Tamina and Emma still worked here. I know I did. I’m happy to see Tamina back. Emma? I don’t care. Naomi has new entrance music. We get an inset promo from Naomi and Tamina. Naomi says that all these glamour girls are trying to steal her “shine”, and it seems everyone has forgotten what she can do. Now they know. Tamina basically says the same thing about herself. Naomi says now everyone knows. Well, that sucked.
To the match, Naomi hits a kneelift off a lock-up, then throws Emma into the top buckle three times before stomping her down. Emma comes back with a boot and a couple of forearms before throwing Naomi into the buckles a few times. She hits a snapmare, then lands a seated dropkick for 2. Naomi hits a kick off the ropes, then snaps Emma down by the neck. She hits a few mounted punches and a neckbreaker. Naomi kicks Emma in the gut, then foot-chokes Emma against the bottom rope. She grinds Emma’s face across the top rope, hits a kick to the gut and a dropkick for 2. She tosses Emma into the middle buckle, but then misses a splash as Emma slides to the apron. She slides through Naomi’s legs and pulls her down for 2. Emma gets another 2 off a roll-up, then another off a jackknife. Naomi bridges up and gets in a backslide for 2. Emma ducks a clothesline before getting hit with the Rear View for 3.
Tamina hits the ring, and the two stomp Emma into oblivion. Naomi then sends Emma into a superkick by Tamina.
The Rear View is easily the worst finisher in WWE right now, by the way.
More Tough Enough clips. I still am not even remotely interested.
Oh, boy! More Renee Young! She is now with Seth Rollins, who is flanked by J&J Security. Same crap she’s asked the other guys. Rollins says he’s the guy who makes the impossible possible. For example, he beat Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania and captured his title in the process. She asks if there’s any truth to the rumor that Kane said the only reason that happened was because of him. Rollins says that sounds desperate. Kane is so irrelevant and so obsolete and so jealous of Rollins. The only reason the match at Payback is a fatal 4-way is because Kane is trying to preserve his job. It has nothing to do with a bogus match with Ambrose; it’s all because Kane is jealous of Rollins. However, Rollins has something Kane will never have: a brain. His brain has gotten him to where he is, and he always has a plan, and that includes at Payback and tonight. Rollins is the man, and the future is now.
MATCH 6: LOS MATADORES (DIEGO AND FERNANDO, W/EL TORITO) VS. THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO AND SIN CARA)
Kalisto starts with one of the Matadores, giving a handshake in the process. The two exchange some quick moves until the Matador gets Kalisto in a headlock. We learn this is Fernando. Fernando sends Kalisto into the ropes, but Kalisto comes back with a spinning headscissors, followed by a springboard headlock takedown. Cara tags in and hits a tope con hilo off a trip by Kalisto. Cara hits a headscissors off the ropes, then lands a hip throw. Fernando tries to reverse, but Cara holds on and gets back to his feet. Diego makes a blind tag and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker off the ropes for 2. Diego nails some forearms before tagging in Fernando. The Matadores leapfrog over Cara a few times before catching him off the ropes. Cara reverses the catch into a double takedown, sending Diego to the floor. Fernando gets corner-whipped, but counters a charge with a back-body drop. Cara headstands in the corner off this, but then gets kicked to the floor. As the referee is distracted, Torito takes Cara out with a running seated splash off the apron. Commercials.
Back from the break, Los Matadores hit Cara with a double suplex. Fernando is still legal once again, and he goes for a rear chinlock. Cara fights his way out and lands in the Matador corner. He elbows Diego off the apron, then hits a spinning fireman’s carry slam on Fernando. Kalisto and Diego tag in, and Kalisto wipes Diego out with a springboard cross-body, followed by a corkscrew version. He rolls Diego up in a schoolboy, but then lets go and nails him with a quick kick to the head, which he calls the Kalisto Kick. He then hits a headscissors into a sort-of piledriver for 2 as Fernando breaks it up. Fernando sends him into the ropes, but Kalisto handsprings off and nails him with a Tidal Crush, sending Fernando to the floor. Cara comes in illegally and nails Fernando with a suicide dive on the floor through Kalisto’s legs. Diego then sunset flips Kalisto, but only gets 2. Diego goes for a suplex, but Kalisto escapes. Cara makes a blind tag and nails Diego with a kick from the apron. Up top, Cara misses a swanton bomb, but manages to roll through. He charges at Diego and reverses a tilt-a-whirl into a small package for 3.
WINNERS: THE LUCHA DRAGONS.
Kane is in the ring with a table and four chairs. It’s time for the contract signing. He says it’s his job to make sure the fans’ voices are heard. They said they wanted to see Seth Rollins defend his title against three challengers at Payback. Tonight, he sanctions this match with all four when they sign the contract. So, let’s get everyone out here and make it official. Out first is Randy Orton. Next is Roman Reigns. After that is Dean Ambrose, and finally Seth Rollins, who is still flanked by J&J. Each man takes a seat at the table, except for Rollins, who stays on the stage. Kane says in 10 days, these four superstars will enter…Ambrose cuts him off, calls Rollins “Justin Bieber” and says that, apparently, since Rollins is a VIP, he doesn’t have to come down. He invites him, Frodo and Noble to come down anyway. Rollins says Ambrose’s humor was never Rollins’ style, but it’s still better than listening to Reigns try to form sentences. He’s not going down to the ring, and instead will stay on the stage with J&J. Reigns says he’s going to kick Rollins’ ass no matter what, then signs the contract. Orton tells Rollins they’re all here for the same reason: the title. He also signs, and Ambrose then threatens to drag Rollins’ ass down to the ring if he doesn’t sign. Ambrose signs, and Rollins says the DOO Kane has the authority to sign for Rollins, which sounds like a better idea. Kane says that’s correct in theory. He’s trying to remember what Rollins said about him earlier. What was it? Rollins said he was obsolete or irrelevant. In any case, if Rollins can’t physically attend this signing, Kane could sign for him. However, since Rollins is here and perfectly healthy, he insists Rollins sign the contract himself. Rollins finally agrees and marches down to the ring as a “Justin Bieber” chant breaks out. He gets to ringside and has Joey Mercury bring him the contract for review. Rollins looks it over and says everyone is accounted for. He calls Ambrose “Low-Rent Roddy Piper”. He never thought Ambrose was that good, but that’s what Reigns used to call him back in the day when he acted crazy, trying to entertain these idiots. There’s Reigns. He’s better at autographs than wrestling. Ambrose used to say he couldn’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag, according to Rollins. Finally, there’s Orton. It’s no secret how Reigns and Ambrose feel about him. They used to call him spoiled and entitled. Reigns used to say Orton never worked a day in his life. Ambrose used to say Orton’s only here because of his old man. Rollins is just telling the truth. What’s wrong with honesty. He walks into the ring with J&J and puts the contract down to sign it as the other three look ready to swarm. He hands Kane the contract as he calls him “Mr. Obsolete”. Kane says it’s because of him that Rollins is champion. Rollins argues as Ambrose, starts to push the chairs away behind Rollins’ back. Orton and Reigns look on as Ambrose then leans the table in the corner. Rollins turns around and Ambrose tells him everyone knows how this will end. He calls dibs on the table, then tosses Mercury onto it. The Authority swarm him, only to have Orton and Reigns attack them. Rollins gets clotheslined to the floor by Orton as Reigns does the same to Kane. Orton heads to the floor to continue fighting with Rollins as Mercury gets sent to the floor. Rollins nails Orton and goes after Reigns near the announce desk while Ambrose throws a chair at Mercury. Jamie Noble gets tossed, then gets hit in the head with a chair. Ambrose hits Kane with a suicide dive on the other side, then throws Rollins into the barricade. Kane tries to come back with a chokeslam, but Ambrose breaks free and shoves Kane into a Superman Punch from Reigns. Rollins tries to flee the ring, but Ambrose grabs him in Dirty Deeds. He breaks free in the corner, then leapfrogs a spear attempt by Reigns. Reigns puts on the brakes before colliding with Ambrose, but then gets dropkicked into Ambrose by Rollins. Rollins then escapes an RKO attempt and flees up the ramp. Ambrose and Reigns begin shoving each other, only to have Ambrose get nailed with an RKO. Reigns drops Orton with a Superman Punch, and Rollins comes back in with a springboard knee to Reigns’ face. He then hits a thrust kick on Reigns and holds the WWE World title triumphantly over everyone.
End of show.