This week on WWE Friday Night SmackDown, the new US Champion Dean Ambrose defends the title against Kofi Kingston in a rematch from Extreme Rules. I’m already excited about this episode.
Unfortunately, that excitement is cut short when the show opens with MizTV. Tonight, Miz is not only hosting his show, but facing Wade Barrett for the IC title as well. His guest tonight defeated Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania, as well as a dance named after him. Please welcome Fandango.
Fandango and Summer Rae make their way out, and it appears that, for the most part, the Fandango craze is officially over. There’s a few people in the crowd doing the dance, but not many, and no one is humming his theme song. Just as I type that, a few people start humming, but it’s nothing major. Miz starts to ask a question, and Fandango tells him to hush. Miz is no different than anyone else, and needs to pronounce Fandango’s name right. Fandango tells him how to do it, so Miz starts his “Really?” bit. Two of the most obnoxious gimmicks in WWE in one ring together. This is excruciating. Anyway, on RAW, Miz says Fandango did something no one else has done in a tag team match before, and in the middle of the match, started dancing, leaving Wade Barrett alone against Miz and Chris Jericho. After the match, Jericho flirted with Rae before blowing her off. Miz calls Fandango’s ego more obnoxious than his name. What kind of narcissist is he, anyway? Fandango tells him if anyone gets close to Rae again, he’ll dance all over their face. Second, Miz wants to talk to him about egos? Miz admits he has a big ego, but knows the difference between sports and entertainment. When the bell rings, he’s down to business and doesn’t look like a bag of Skittles dancing on the outside. Miz congratulates him on being the new Fruity Pebbles. Fandango is bored by Miz, and Miz is just angry that he didn’t think of dancing outside the ring first.
MATCH 1-Intercontinental Championship: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett (Champion)
After the commercials, the match is already in progress, with Miz in a rear chinlock. He fights out until Barrett knees him and goes for a neckbreaker. Miz counters into a backslide for 2, then hits a flapjack. Fandango and Summer Rae are on color commentary. Barrett lands a mule kick, then kicks Miz in the ribs. He sets Miz across the top rope, then forearms him the back before hitting a running knee to the gut for 2. Barrett goes back to the rear chinlock, and Miz once again elbows out. He ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. He follows up with a running kneelift and a running boot. Fandango asks for his music to be hit so he can dance on the outside once more with Rae. In the ring, Miz runs right into the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett goes for a pumphandle slam, but Miz escapes and rolls Barrett up for 2 before booting him in the head and dropkicking Fandango through the ropes. Miz rolls Barrett up in a sunset flip for 2, then goes for the figure-4. Barrett boots him off, and Fandango nails Miz from the outside for the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: The Miz. After the match, both Fandango and Barrett continue the attack on Miz. As Fandango is dancing, Barrett nails him with the Bull Hammer. Barrett loses the match, but is still champion.
We see Daniel Bryan in the back, talking to himself as he puts his kickpads on. Kane walks in and says he knows Bryan is upset, but they are still a team. They lost the titles. He needs to deal with it. Kane lost on Monday night. Bryan thinks Kane is implying he lost because Bryan wasn’t there to help. He knows what everyone is thinking: Bryan is not the weak link. He walks away as Kane shakes his head.
MATCH 2: Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Daniel Bryan (w/Kane)
Bryan immediately hits Swagger with rights until Swagger backs him into the corner. Bryan continues to fight, ducks a clothesline and goes for a roll-up. Swagger blocks it, but Bryan clotheslines him to the floor and follows up with a suicide dive. Outside, Bryan lands some No! Kicks against the barricade before throwing Swagger back in. Up top, Bryan hits a seated missile dropkick for 2. Swagger pops back up with a clothesline, then slams Bryan into the corner before tying him in the tree of woe. Swagger hits an avalanche while Bryan is in this position, knocking him back to the mat. Commercials.
Back from the break, Swagger nails a headbutt before beating Bryan down in the corner. Bryan counters a corner whip, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. Swagger goes to the corner, where Bryan nails a running corner dropkick. Bryan follows up with some No! Kicks, then hits another running dropkick as Swagger is seated in the corner for 2. More No! Kicks, but Swagger blocks the Buzzsaw and hits an elevated belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Swagger applies a gutwrench, but Bryan flips out of the suplex and goes for the No! Lock. Swagger counters into the Patriot Lock, but Bryan counters into a victory roll for 2. Swagger pops up and hits a kitchen sink. Bryan blocks the Swagger Bomb and blasts Swagger with a Buzzsaw. Bryan gets a very pissed off look on his face and begins stomping Swagger in the head. He applies the No! Lock, and Swagger taps!
WINNER: Daniel Bryan. Wow. Didn’t expect that finish. Good match, though, and I like where Bryan’s gimmick is going. After the match, Bryan stares Swagger down and applies the No! Lock once more until Kane pulls him off. They argue until Bryan leaves the ring and begins chanting “Yes!” for the first time in quite a while.
We see Damien Sandow in the ring, standing in front of a wood table with Matt Striker. He says that, for the last few weeks, he has sat by and watched as two troglodytes disguised as superstars engaged in a series of ridiculous competitions, each more ridiculous than the last. The only thing worse than this is the fans are amused by it. He calls this appealing to the lowest common denominator. He doubts there are any mathletes in the crowd, but he says the true measure of a man is not in feats of strength but the ability to deal with mental challenges. He explains the tail of the Gordian Knot, and we see a knot on the table. Sandow recounts the tale (which you can look up for yourself; I’m not recapping the whole thing). He turns to Striker and reminds us he’s a former school teacher, albeit a substitute teacher. Barring his shortcomings, Sandow issues Striker the challenge of untying the Gordian Knot. Striker fumbles with it for a moment before admitting he can’t. Sandow tells him he just renewed his idiot’s license and just embarrassed the substitute teacher’s union in this country. Now, take a man like himself, who…
Sheamus comes out, mic in hand. From one man to another, Sheamus finds it troubling Sandow is playing with knots. Seriously lad, you need to get a social life or a girlfriend. Sheamus doesn’t really want to know what Sandow does in his life, then talks about playing with Rubik’s Cubes as a kid before offering to solve the Gordian Knot. Sandow is humored by this and allows him to try. Sheamus tries for a minute or two until Sandow rips it out of his hands. He’s here to help, so watch and learn. Sandow puts it down and pulls out a pair of bolt cutters, cutting through the rope and technically solving the problem. He holds the rope over his head as Sheamus smiles and shakes his head. As Sheamus congratulates him on tricking everyone, but he’s going to be the bigger man in this. Sandow is the better man and wants to congratulate him. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Sandow bails before it can connect. He says he knew Sheamus would resort to brute force when he couldn’t meet the mental challenge. Sheamus does this every single time, and he could never meet Sandow’s mental challenge. But, considering he’s in front of the WWE Universe, at least he’s not alone. Sheamus says Sandow taught us a thing or two, and he’s always into learning new things. Sheamus wants to teach Sandow about Newton’s Law, then throws Striker at him through the ropes before saying that with gravity, what goes up must come down.
MATCH 3: Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show
Jericho starts with rights to the chest until Show shoves him down. Jericho tries again and gets clubbed across the back before getting a headbutt. Show hits some open-hand chops to the chest, knocking Jericho to the mat. Show hits a body blow, then lands another shot across the back. Another body blow before Jericho tries to fight back. Jericho goes to the ropes, and Show catches him in a bearhug. Jericho fights out with rights to the head before Show sends him into the corner. Jericho blocks a charge before dropkicking Show in the knee and landing some boots to the head. Show recovers and spears him off the ropes for 2. Show calls for the chokeslam and goes for the goozle, but Jericho elbows out before dodging a corner charge. He goes up top, jumping right into an open-hand chop to the chest. Show goes to the middle rope, missing an elbow drop. Jericho capitalizes with the Lionsault to the back for 2. Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but Show holds on. Jericho turns it into a sunset flip, but Show pulls him up by the throat. Jericho counters into a DDT for 2 before going for the Walls. Show boots him off, then goozles Jericho once more, connecting with the chokeslam this time. Jericho immediately rolls to the floor, and Show follows outside and looks to lawn dart Jericho into the post. Jericho slides out, shoving Show into the post. Jericho hits a Codebreaker, and Show falls over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. Jericho slides back into the ring, and Jericho scores the count-out as Show stumbles back towards the ring.
WINNER: VIA COUNT-OUT: Chris Jericho. Show grabs a chair and begins to go into the ring, but Jericho baseball slides it into him. Jericho goes outside, grabs the chair and begins nailing Show with it before Show retreats to the back.
We see video from RAW of Paul Heyman debuting his newest client, Curtis Axel (the former Michael McGillicutty). While his new name is not my favorite, it is much, much, MUCH better than the McGillicutty handle. That was seriously one of the worst names WWE has ever come up with. His entrance theme is a remix of his dad’s old Mr. Perfect theme, and it’s awesome, too.
Paul Heyman comes out with Curtis Axel. Heyman calls himself the advocate for the “beast incarnate”, Brock Lesnar, who he calls a first-ballot Hall of Famer. He is also the architect of CM Punk’s record 444 days as WWE Champion. Do we see the pattern developing here? He is the most exclusive manager/agent/advocate in history. He managed two of the three main events at Wrestlemania, something no one else has ever done. So, when he points his finger at someone and says that person is the next major star in WWE, you can invest your money in that stock. Heyman has invested his money in that same stock, and that stock will forever be known as Curtis Axel. People boo him because of what he did to Triple H. He doesn’t want to be the one to brag about what happened to Triple H, so he’ll let his client tell us. Axel introduces himself, and says that, in one day, he accomplished more than his father or grandfather did in their careers combined. He got in Triple H’s face, took his best shot, then left him laying, dazed and confused. So let the record books show the winner of the match was Curtis Axel. That was just day one in building the brand of Curtis Axel.
MATCH 4: Curtis Axel (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Sin Cara
Looks like Cara is all healed up. Axel takes Cara down with a fireman’s carry. Cara applies a waistlock, and Axel elbows out before hitting a standing waistlock takedown. Cara counters a second fireman’s carry, but gets hit with a drop toehold before Axel smacks him in the back of the head. Cara hits some kicks to the legs and a mule kick, ducks a clothesline and hits a hurricanrana. He follows up with a springboard twisting armdrag before getting backdropped to the apron. Axel knocks him down with a right, and Cara rolls back into the ring. Axel slams him into the buckles, then beats him down in the corner before hitting a nice dropkick. Axel hits some elbows to the traps before applying a rear chinlock. Cara fights out and hits a handspring back elbow and a springboard cross-body for 2. Cara rolls to the apron, where he kicks Axel in the head. Up top, he misses a pumping cross-body, and Axel follows up with the move formerly known as the McGillicutter for 3.
WINNER: Curtis Axel. Not sure what he calls his finisher now. I’m thinking it will be something like the “Broken Axel”.
Up next, Ambrose/Kingston.
MATCH 5-WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston vs. Dean Ambrose (Champion)
So nice to see all three members of The Shield draped in title belts. The WWE Tag Team Champions, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, leave Ambrose during the entrance, letting him do things on his own this time. Lock-up to start, with Kofi backing Dean into the ropes. Kofi hits some kicks before Dean hits a kneelift and a shoulderblock. Crisscross ends in a Kofi dropkick for 1. Kofi hits a European uppercut before Dean counters a corner whip and drops a very fast elbow for 1. Dean chokes Kofi with his knee. Kofi counters a suplex into a schoolboy for 1 before hitting a pair of chops to the chest and another dropkick. Dean ducks the jumping clothesline and boots Kofi. Kofi blocks a corner charge and hits a middle rope cross-body to the back for 2. Kofi goes up top, and Dean cuts him off for a superplex. Kofi blocks it and knocks Dean back to the mat as Seth Rollins returns to ringside. Kofi boots him, then hits Roman Reigns with a cross-body. Rollins hits the ring, and Kofi cuts him off, causing the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Kofi Kingston. The Shield triple-team Kofi after the match until Randy Orton runs down. They triple-team him as well until Sheamus comes down and evens the sides. Eventually, the faces clear the ring, and that’s when Teddy Long comes out. Can we say “6-man”? He says the show won’t end like this. Since these six are out here, it’s time for a 6-man.
The show goes to commercial before the match starts, and when it comes back Reigns is dominating Sheamus with rights. Sheamus blocks a hiptoss, and Reigns does the same. Reigns goes for a cross-body, and Sheamus counters into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for 2. Reigns elbows Sheamus and tags in Rollins, who runs right into a hiptoss. Orton tags in and attacks Rollins in the corner with mounted punches. Orton hits a European uppercut for 1. Kofi tags in, and hits a double axe handle from the top to Rollins’ arm. Kofi hits a jumping roundhouse to the face for 1 before applying a top wristlock. Kofi turns it into a side-Russian legsweep and follows up with a springboard cross-body from the middle rope for 2. Orton tags back in and hits a dropkick for 2. Rollins comes back with a jawbreaker and tags in Dean, who runs into a clothesline and a suplex. Orton stomps Dean’s hand before hitting a European uppercut. Sheamus tags in and stomps Dean in the corner before hitting a neckbreaker for 2. Dean fights back with rights and tags in Reigns, who assaults Sheamus in the corner. Sheamus fights back with rights, then throws Rollins to the corner. Rollins blocks the charge and comes off the middle rope, but Sheamus catches him. Rollins slides to the apron, where Sheamus goes for the forearm shots to the chest. The other two members of the The Shield pull Rollins down to avoid the assault as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Dean has Sheamus in a double chicken-wing. Sheamus fights out before getting kitchen sinked. Reigns tags in and stomps Sheamus down in the corner before foot-choking him. Sheamus fights out of the corner and avoids a charge by Reigns, sending him shoulder-first into the post. Orton tags in, as does Rollins. Orton hits the 4 Moves of Boredom on Rollins and calls for the RKO. Rollins rolls to the floor, and Orton tries to pull him back in. Reigns cuts him off with a right, sending him to the floor. Referee Charles Robinson begins to count Orton out, but he breaks the count at 8. Rollins goes for a pin, getting 1. He punches Orton in the face before tagging Dean in, and the two wishbone Orton’s legs. Reigns tweaked his ankle during his punch on Orton, as he jumped while landing it and apparently landed on the ankle wrong. Back to what’s going on in the ring, Dean hits some stomps and another fast elbow drop for 2. Rollins tags in and hits some body blows on Orton in the corner. Orton fights back with kicks and punches until Rollins hits a complete shot into the middle turnbuckle. Rollins rolls to the outside and climbs to the middle rope, pulling Orton up with him. Orton fights him off and hits an Ace Superplex. Dean and Sheamus tag in, and Sheamus hits his usual hot tag offense, ending with a rolling fireman’s carry slam. He grabs Rollins on the apron and ties him up for the forearm shots before hitting Dean with an Irish Hammer. Rollins receives the Brogue Kick, and Sheamus goes for White Noise on Dean. Reigns runs through him with a spear before rolling to the outside, where Orton drops him with an RKO. Kofi tags in and hits a springboard cross-body on Dean for 2. He calls for TIP, but Rollins grabs his leg. Dean hits a running seated dropkick on Kofi, then hits a headlock driver on Kofi that he apparently calls the D-AK47, and it’s enough to get 3.
WINNERS: The Shield. Upon seeing the replay, Dean’s finisher looks absolutely brutal.
End of show.
Well, I’m disappointed the US title match was turned into a 6-man, but the 6-man was good, so I’m okay.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
[amazon_link id=”B00BNADZT4″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE: Extreme Rules 2013 DVD[/amazon_link]
[amazon_link id=”B00BCMT2CC” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD[/amazon_link]