On this week’s episode of WWE Friday Night SmackDown, Randy Orton faces The Big Show in the main-event.
We are in OKC, and the show opens with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing the World Champion, Alberto Del Rio. Looks like we’re going right into a match. Damien Sandow is the opponent, and before he comes down to the ring, he says that others will say what they will, but he believes ADR fits right in with the rest of America: poor grammar, lackluster word choice, and sentence structure that is absolutely abhorrent. Silence! And above all, you, the World Heavyweight Champion, are accompanied by a man in an outdated, rented tuxedo, wielding a spit bucket. He, on the other hand, is accompanied only by his superior intellect, his timeless good looks, and the jealous gazes of the unwashed masses. You’re welcome. ADR says he wants to talk about “unwashed”. He thinks Sandow needs to wash his mouth, because it smells like caca.
MATCH 1: World Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Damien Sandow (non-title)
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are on commentary tonight with Josh Mathews instead of JBL. Not sure the reason for that. Lock-up to start, and ADR gives a clean break. Another lock-up, and Sandow applies a side headlock. He shoulders through ADR, then taunts him. Back to the lock-up, and ADR applies a side headlock. ADR now shoulders Sandow a couple of times, and Sandow rolls to the apron. Back in, Sandow goes back to the side headlock and turns it into a hip throw. Back up, ADR backs him into a corner. Sandow throws ADR to the corner and boots him down before hitting some rights. ADR comes back with a mule kick, a kick to the gut and some rights. Snapmare out of the corner, followed by a kick to the head by ADR. Bodyslam near the buckles, and ADR goes up for the moonsault, which barely connects for 2. Sandow chops him in the throat, then hits a suplex for 2. Rear chinlock is applied, and ADR fights out before Sandow whips him down by the head. Sandow hits a jumping kneedrop for 2 before going back to the rear chinlock. ADR shoves him off, and they go into a crisscross, which ends when ADR trips him and applies a la magistral for 2. Sandow pops up and hits a clothesline for 2. ADR reverses a corner whip, but Sandow blocks the charge. He goes to the middle, but ADR catches him with a kick to the gut. He goes for the rolling jujigatame, but Sandow shoves him off. ADR tries to send Sandow to the floor, and Sandow lands on the apron, where ADR hits a step-up enziguri, knocking Sandow to the floor. Commercials.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio. Good match to star the show. I hope it doesn’t go downhill from here. Considering the main event is Orton/Show, however, my hopes aren’t very high.
We see Kane sitting in his locker room when he’s approached by Daniel Bryan. They argue over their win on Monday night, and Bryan says they have a rematch tonight, only this time, Kane will be blindfolded and Bryan will have his arm tied behind his back. Kane says fine, and Bryan doesn’t like that. Kane’s fine for 2 reasons: after he beats PTP tonight, he’ll prove once and for all he’s better than Bryan. Second, since he’ll be blindfolded, he won’t have to look at Bryan’s ugly goatface. Bryan starts screaming, “No! No! No!”
MATCH 2-Best-of-3-Falls Match for the WWE United States Championship: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro (Champion)
I haven’t seen a Best-of-3-Falls Match in what seems like forever, so I’m a bit excited here, even if one of the two guys competing is Miz. Lock-up starts, and Miz rolls Cesaro up quickly for 2. Another lock-up, and Cesaro hits a waistlock takedown into a bridge for 2. Side headlock is applied, and Cesaro knocks Miz down with a shoulder for 2. Another headlock, and it leads to a crisscross. Cesaro blocks a hip toss, but Miz does connect with a clothesline for 2. Miz rolls through on a sunset flip and connects with a boot to the face for 2. Cesaro rolls to the floor for a breather before coming back in and booting Miz in the gut. European uppercut connects, but Miz ducks a back elbow and hits a legbreaker. He goes for the figure-4, but Cesaro boots him off. He goes for another boot, and Miz blocks into a dragon screw. Cesaro rolls to the floor and suckers Miz back into the ring, but Miz slides through his legs from the apron and rolls Cesaro up in a sunset flip for 2. He tries for the figure-4 again, but Cesaro counters into a side headlock before connecting with a kitchen sink for 2. Cesaro applies a rear chinlock, and Miz fights out. Miz blocks a kitchen sink with a schoolboy for 2, ducks a clothesline and sends Cesaro to the corner before hitting a clothesline. He goes for the hanging clothesline, but Cesaro catches him on his shoulders and hits a modified fireman’s carry slam for 2. Miz rolls Cesaro up in a small package for 2, but Cesaro gets back up and hits the Neutralizer for 3, putting the score at 1-0 in favor of Cesaro as we go to commercials.
We’re back, and Miz tied things up during the break. We see that, during the commercials, Cesaro came off the middle rope with a dive, but Miz caught him and applied the figure-4 for the submission, tying the score at 1-1. Back to the match, Cesaro quickly grabs Miz in the deadlift gutwrench suplex and follows up with a double stomp for 2. Cesaro goes to a sleeper now, and Miz begins to fade. He starts to fight out, avoids a fireman’s carry and lands a big boot. Miz hits a double-leg takedown before running into a boot to the gut. Cesaro calls Miz a “stupid American” before slapping him hard in the face. Miz comes back with a couple of clotheslines and the Reality Check. Cesaro avoids the neckbreaker, though and shoves Miz off. Miz charges in and gets blasted with a Very European Uppercut for 2. Cesar slaps Miz a few times before Miz chopblocks him and hits a snap DDT for 2. Cesaro headbutts Miz from his knees, and now they trade some punches. Miz gets the best of it and beats Cesaro into the corner, where he connects with the hanging clothesline. Miz goes up top and connects with a double axe handle. He calls for the figure-4 and locks it in while bridging up. Cesaro drags himself to the ropes and manages to get the break. Miz snaps him off the ropes and drags him back to the middle, but Cesaro boots him off into the corner, where the referee is standing. Cesaro runs into Miz and rolls him up, slightly shoving the ref into the corner in the process. Miz continues to roll through and gets 2, but Cesaro rolls through once more and gets the 3 with a handful of tights.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Antonio Cesaro. Really good match, and even better than the opener. While I don’t like Miz, guys like Cesaro and Kofi Kingston really help him step up his game, and it shows.
We see Sheamus and Randy Orton in the locker room. Sheamus says Orton is a sitting duck tonight in regards to The Shield. Orton says he’s fine with that, and Sheamus says they’re probably counting on him feeling that way. Orton asks Sheamus what he’s supposed to do about it, and Sheamus tells him he’ll watch Orton’s back. Then again, Orton is such a loner, he wouldn’t be interested. Orton never said he wasn’t interested, and instead says thanks.
Jim Ross makes his way out, and he’s set to do an interview in the ring with Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter. That’s up next.
Another video for Fandango, who is supposed to debut tonight. I actually just wrote a column about this, and how I don’t expect him to last, based on the career that the man behind the gimmick, Johnny Curtis, has already had.
Jim Ross thanks the crowd for the response, and is happy to be back home. He’s here tonight for a specific reason, and that’s to address one of the most heated, controversial issues he’s ever dealt with in WWE. Please welcome the self-proclaimed “Real American” Jack Swagger, and his associate Zeb Coulter. JR says he and Swagger go back a long way, and he’s always respected Swagger. He lets us know he recruited Swagger for WWE, and Swagger insults the Sooners in the process. Swagger still calls JR a “Real American”, and that’s why he allowed JR to do this interview. Zeb interjects and says that, after last Monday with The Miz, they wanted a forum where they’d be treated fairly. JR insists they’ll be treated fairly, and he has some tough questions. Before he gets to the political views, he reminds us how, on September 3rd, Swagger decided to take a sabbatical and announced it publicly after the latest loss in a streak. After five months, Swagger came back a different man. What happened? Zeb says what happened was he told Swagger the real problems in this country. JR doesn’t understand what Zeb means. Zeb says JR refuses to see. WWE is a microcosm of what’s happening in the US every day. How is it possible Swagger could go on a losing streak and allow ADR to sneak in and take a position that rightly belongs to an American? Every day in this country, thousands of undocumented workers are crossing our borders and taking jobs from real Americans. Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will not stand idly by and watch this country self-destruct. Swagger says, “We the people”. JR moves the conversation to WM29 and becoming champion. Zeb interrupts again and says that, when the dust clears, the belt will be around the waist of a natural-born citizen, a real American who speaks English, who recites the Pledge of Allegiance and has worked for everything he’s ever gotten in this country. ADR is not one us, and to be quite honest, he needs to leave this country. Mr. Ross, when you’re in your home in Norman, OK and on your kitchen table is a fruit basket that is rotting, are you going to smell it or throw it out? You’ll dump it. This is our country. We smell something stinky, and that is ADR. Jack Swagger at Wrestlemania is fighting for more than a title; he’s fighting for the heart and soul of OUR country. Swagger does the “We the people” bit again. JR starts laying into Swagger, accusing Zeb of brainwashing him. Zeb interjects once more and says that JR knew Swagger in his formative years, so if there was any brainwashing going on, it was done by JR. Zeb is telling him the reality and truth of what’s going on. JR respectfully disagrees, then tells Zeb to express his right to remain silent. Zeb says that he suggests JR keep a civil tongue in his head, lest he regret something that happens later on. JR doesn’t know what Zeb means, and he doesn’t care. Swagger knocks JR’s hat off, then tells JR that’s Mr. Coulter. Know what Swagger thinks? He was wrong about JR. You’re either part of the solution or the problem, and he along with Zeb is going to fix the problem. JR isn’t a real American; he’s nothing more than a sympathizer, and you know what we do to sympathizers?
ADR interrupts things at this point and immediately gets between Swagger and JR. He puts JR’s hat back on for him, then takes a mic. He says Zeb and Swagger are the problem, and he is the solution, perros. Swagger isn’t a real American; he is a real jackass.
MATCH 3-Kane will be blindfolded while Bryan has an arm tied behind his back: WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No! (Daniel Bryan and Kane) vs. The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young) (non-title)
This is a rematch from this past Monday, except Bryan and Kane have their stipulations reversed.
Kane has a goatface blindfold on, courtesy of Bryan. Kane starts the match with Young, and Young is toying with Kane. Kane runs into the corner before nearly tripping over Young. Young taunts the crowd, and Kane lands an uppercut. Titus starts blowing his whistle, and that allows Young to attack from behind. He goes up top, but Kane stumbles into the ropes. Bryan tags himself in, and he fires off some No! Kicks to the chest. A chop in the corner drops Young, but he comes back with some punches. Bryan ducks a clothesline and gets in a one-armed crucifix for 2. Young comes back with a kneelift and tags in Titus. Titus knocks Bryan down as we go to commercials.
We’re back, and Titus sends Bryan into the corner. Bryan blocks a 3-point stance in the corner and tags in Kane. Kane is getting help from the fans as he points around the ring for his target, a la Jake “The Snake” Roberts at Wrestlemania VII against Rick Martel. He finds his mark and hits an uppercut, followed by a hiptoss. Titus tags in Young, and he runs right into a chokeslam. Kane goes for the pin, but Young rolls to the apron. Bryan tags in as Kane accidentally goozles both him and the ref. Kane feels Bryan’s beard and realizes his mistake. Titus has tagged in, and he easily rolls up a distracted Bryan for 3.
WINNERS: The Prime-Time Players. Kane takes the blindfold off and sees the goatface drawing. Bryan tries to calm him down and says he didn’t do it. Bryan asks Kane to hug it out, and Kane instead puts the blindfold on Bryan and hits him with an uppercut.
Matt Striker is in the back with The Big Show and asks about the match with Orton later tonight. Show says this is ‘Mania season, time to make an impact. And what better way for Show to do that than to chokeslam Orton?
Matt Striker is now in the back with Fandango and whoever this girl is. Fandango corrects Striker on his pronunciation a couple of times, and I am already sick of this gimmick. Striker says the WWE Universe is excited for his debut. What’s his fighting style? Fandango lists off his dancing accomplishments, and says it’s time to take his grace to the ring so everyone in the WWE can follow his lead. He then says he won’t make his debut tonight, and won’t debut until Striker gets his name right. Great. Thanks for that complete and utter waste of time, WWE.
Lock-up starts the match, and Show shoves Orton down. Orton ducks Show and fires off some rights, and Show answers with a body blow. Orton stops a chop with a right and hits a clothesline, followed by 10 corner punches. Show shrugs them off and hits a running shoulderblock. Show with a headbutt, and he backs Orton to the corner for a body blow and an open-hand chop. Another body blow, and now Orton fires back with kicks. Show stops him with a headbutt, then hits another chop to the chest. Show hits a hip bump in the corner before running into a dropkick that sends him to the floor. Commercials.
We’re back, and Show is back in control, attacking Orton’s left arm. Orton comes back with rights until Show headbutts him in the shoulder. Show applies a top wristlock, and Orton breaks it with rights. Show hits another body blow and follows up with the Final Cut for 2. Show goes to the corner and mounts the middle rope, missing an elbow drop. Orton fires off more rights (anyone noticing a trend here?) before running into a goozle. Orton counters into a DDT for 2, and Show rolls to the floor. Orton follows and hits more rights. Show hits another shot to the gut and goes to lawn dart Orton into the post, but Orton escapes and shoves him into the post. Orton tries to pull Show up into the ring, but Show goozles him. Orton hotshots the arm, boots Show in the head and hits the suspended DDT over the top rope. The Shield’s music hits, and we see them coming through the crowd. They hop the rail and surround the ring as Orton looks around. Sheamus’ music hits and he joins Orton in the ring. They finally rush the ring, which leads to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Randy Orton. The faces fight off The Shield as Show is still down. The Shield dominate Orton and Sheamus until Show knocks Roman Reigns out with the WMD. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambros leave and drag Reigns out through the crowd. In the ring, Show hits a chokeslam on Orton, but is leveled with a Brogue Kick by Sheamus.
End of show.
Well, the show started out with two good matches and then just slowly fell apart after that.
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