The New Day open up the show. Hooray. We go back to RAW to see Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows lay waste to the group. Kofi says a lot of big things went down on RAW. Big E says something about Stephanie McMahon and an eagle. Xavier Woods mentions the brand split and Smackdown going live on Tuesdays next month. Back to Kofi, he says the havoc caused by the Club is the biggest news story. They dropped a lot of bodies, but will never be your WWE World Tag…
Here come Anderson and Gallows to put a stop to this. Anderson says they have the titles, but on RAW, they didn’t look like champions. Gallows mocks the trombone and the catchphrases before saying the titles will join the Club. The New Day make jokes about clubhouses, car theft and being bald. Get it? “Club”? The Club say there are dues to get in, and they’re taking them out on the New Day. Kofi invites them to come down and collect. E points out that they’re outnumbered for a fight, and that’s when AJ Styles makes his presence known.
Styles says the New Day should talk about the Club, because the whole world is talking about them and what they did to John Cena on RAW…and the New Day. It’s not a new day; it’s the Club’s day. The WWE belongs to them. Woods starts the tag champs bit again, which I absolutely hate. Styles says Kofi still jokes after 10 years here, and that’s because he really is a joke. Kofi goes over his credentials, including all of his title reigns. Yeah, that’s a joke. That’s funny. What’s even funnier is it took Styles over 10 years to make it here. Styles says they must not have gotten the memo about what the Club is doing, so he’ll personally deliver the message to Kofi tonight.
Tonight, Dean Ambrose and Sami Zayn will face Alberto Del Rio in a MITB preview.
After some commercials, it’s announced that Kofi/Styles is official for tonight.
MATCH 1: BECKY LYNCH VS. WWE WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE (W/DANA BROOKE; NON-TITLE)
Thank Hubbard for Becky Lynch. Most weeks, she’s the only think keeping me tuning into this show. Dana Brooke, on the other hand…she is Botchamania personified. I legitimately cannot give her a single compliment. They lock up before Charlotte takes Lynch down. Lynch quickly fights back up and escapes from the corner. Armdrag into an armbar by Lynch as she mocks Brooke’s non-existent biceps. Charlotte throws Lynch to the corner and avoids a kick, snapping Lynch to the mat with a botched hanging neckbreaker. Stomps in the corner by Charlotte. Lynch throws in a few gut shots and goes for a corner charge. She lands on her feet after Charlotte backdrops her, then forearms Brooke right in her disgusting face. Charlotte uses the distraction to hit a big boot, knocking Lynch to the floor. Commercials.
We’re back, and Charlotte has sent Lynch to the corner, only to miss a splash. Lynch takes her down with two clotheslines and a leg lariat. Corner forearms, spinning back kick to the gut and a beautiful Bex-Plex gets 2. Lynch runs into a back elbow before Charlotte hits a flipping neckbreaker (think John Morrison’s Moonlight Drive). She misses a Flair Knee before Lynch no-sells some chops. Lynch clobbers Charlotte before a Charlotte schoolgirl gets 2. Charlotte escapes a sunset flip, only to get trapped in a jujigatame. Charlotte muscles Lynch up and drops her with a sit-out powerbomb for 2. Good-looking sequence there. Charlotte heads up top for a moonsault. She misses and lands on her feet, then takes Lynch down for the Figure-8. Lynch reverses it into the Disarmer, only to have Brooke interject herself and lead to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: BECKY LYNCH.
Good match until the shmozz ending. A shmozz ending in a Charlotte match? Seems oddly familiar.
Nataly comes out and assaults Brooke, leaving Charlotte to Lynch. Lynch throws Charlotte in the ring and beats on her before going for the Disarmer. Charlotte escapes as Brooke escapes Nattie’s Sharpshooter.
Renee Young is standing by with Dean Ambrose and Sami Zayn. She mentions their tag match later tonight, then asks if they’ll be able to work together with MITB coming up. Zayn says they have to focus on being a team tonight and not worry about that. In fact, they have a good track record as a team. Ambrose apologizes for his comments about Canada, and that’s when Kevin Owens & Alberto Del F**kface interrupt. Owens accuses Zayn of trying to manipulate Ambrose. He knows Zayn’s game. Zayn tells ADR to worry about his snake of a partner. ADR rambles in his fake accent. Something about a paperboy. Ambrose challenges them to a fight right now, so Owens insults Young’s necklace. Right…
MATCH 2: THE DUDLEY BOYZ (BUBBA RAY AND D-VON) VS. THE GOLDEN TRUTH (GOLDUST AND R-TRUTH)
Breezango (G*dammit) are ringside in their “VIP Lounge”. The Dudleyz get the jobber non-entrance, but given their opponents, I don’t see a loss for them here. Goldust and Bubba lock up. Bubba easily backs Goldust into the corner, then misses an overhand shot. Goldust hits him with an armdrag and tags in Truth. Truth continues to work over the arm before ducking a clothelsine and hitting an armdrag of his own. Goldust back in. The faces do a bit of double-teaming. Truth tags back in and they hit a double suplex on Bubba. Truth does the dancing legdrop for 1, then goes on the attack in the corner. Truth gets distracted by D-Von, which allows Bubba to kick his head off. Bubba is bleeding from the bridge of the nose. D-Von tags in as the idiot cameraman keeps cutting to Breezango doing absolutely nothing at ringside. Focus on the match, a**hole. D-Von gets 2 off an elbow before Truth fights back and lands an uppercut. D-Von hits a spinning back elbow for 2. Bubba in for some snap jabs and a bunch of yelling. Truth shuts him up with a leg lariat, then crawls for the tag. D-Von and Goldust tag in, with Goldust hitting some clotheslines and a drop-down uppercut. Goldust connects with a spinebuster as Tyler Breeze jumps on the apron for a selfie. Truth knocks him down, onto Fandango. Goldust accidentally runs into Truth on the apron, aiming for Bubba. Bubba then rolls him up for 3.
WINNERS: THE DUDLEY BOYZ.
You know, the way to improve your tag team division is not to focus on garbage makeshit teams no one cares about and a relic from ECW.
Breeze makes some stupid joke about Golden State Warriors. Fandango says something about “shootey-hoops”. I can’t go on. This promo is embarrassing.
We get a recap of the match between Baron Corbin and Dolph Ziggler at Extreme Rules, which Corbin won, because of course he did. Vince McMahon hates Ziggler. That moves to RAW, where Corbin is still reading off cue cards. The match on RAW immediately ended when Ziggler kicked Corbin in the balls. This feud has no end in site.
This leads to Renee Young interviewing Corbin outside the arena. THe WWE doesn’t deserve his presence. Apparently, his cue card says Ziggler will be beaten into a pile of bones.
MATCH 3: DEAN AMBROSE AND SAMI ZAYN VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO AND KEVIN OWENS
There is still one spot left in the MITB match. Reportedly, it’s going to John Cena. There’s your winner, folks. Jericho and ADR shouldn’t be in the match, either. Jericho is leaving soon (not to mention gets less interesting with every passing week), and ADR just flat-out sucks. There are good reasons why Triple H hates him.
Owens starts the match by attacking Zayn from behind. He lights Zayn up with a chop, then tosses him to the apron. Zayn flips back in and catches him with a headscissors. ADR tags in, only to get met with punches. Zayn puts him down with a dropkick for a 0-count, then backs ADR into the corner. Ambrose tags in and throws ADR to the corner for some boots. Clothesline off the ropes, followed by a power-drive elbow. Zayn in, and the faces hit a double back elbow for 2. Zayn looks for a suplex, but ADR escapes and hits a Backstabber for 2. ADR then sends Ambrose into the barricade before throwing Zayn to the heel corner. Owens in for some stomps. He gets into it with Ambrose, allowing ADR some cheap shots. Owens continues the attack in the corner before ADR tags back in. He whistles and hits a step-up slap-to-the-thigh to the midsection. Zayn escapes a back suplex and tags in Ambrose. Ambrose with the hot tag action, ending with a bulldog. ADR gets clotheslined to the floor, and Ambrose follows up with a tope suicida. Owens throws Ambrose into the barricade as he tries to get back into the ring. Commercials.
Back from the break, ADR comes off the top for 2. Ambrose slugs away at him before getting hit with a suspended double stomp in the corner. Owens in, and he mocks Zayn’s dancing. Owens throws Ambrose to the floor before getting in Zayn’s face. The distraction allows Owens and ADR to pound on Ambrose at ringside before throwing him into the barricade yet again. Zayn’s had enough, and he wipes out the heels with a tope con hilo to the outside. Back in the match, Ambrose hits the Lunatic Lariat off a pop-up attempt. ADR tags in and knocks Zayn off the apron before going for a thrust kick. Ambrose blocks it and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Ambrose looks for a tag, but Zayn is still out. Ambrose escapes the jujigatame and goes for Dirty Deeds. ADR shoves him into the buckles and goes for a step-up thigh slap, only to connect with Owens’ head. Zayn tags in and wipes ADR out with a Helluva Kick for 3.
WINNERS: DEAN AMBROSE AND SAMI ZAYN.
Owens gets on the headset and says he’s sick of partners costing him matches. If you want to see what will happen at MITB, take a look. Owens goes under the ring for a ladder, which he slides into the ring. He points up at the briefcase, and that’s when Cesaro runs in. He kicks the hell out of Owens while still wearing his suit and sunglasses. Gotta love that. He takes his glasses off long enough to climb the ladder and grab the briefcase.
MATCH 4: WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION RUSEV (W/LANA) VS. JACK SWAGGER (NON-TITLE)
Yes, Jack Swagger is still employed. Yes, we get Swagger/Rusev, Part 812: This time, No One Gives a Sh*t. Rusev attacks Swagger on the apron before the match starts, knocking him to the floor. Rusev continues the attack at ringside. He rams Swagger back-first into the apron, then whips him into the steps. In the ring, Charles Robinson holds Rusev back to check on Swagger. Swagger says he wants the match, so this gets under way. Swagger blocks a superkick and gets the Patriot Lock on. Rusev quickly escapes to the floor, where Swagger wipes him out with a clothesline. Back in the ring, Rusev kicks Swagger in the face, then pounds on him. Rusev rips Swagger’s shirt off and…whips it around for some reason. Rusev applies a head-and-arm, which Swagger counters with a jawbreaker. They slug it out briefly before Rusev hits a knee to the gut. Swagger comes back with a pair of corner clotheslines and a standing belly-to-belly. Swagger calls for the Swagger Bomb, which is blocked by Rusev. Swagger ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own for 2. Swagger gets a double-leg and goes for the Patriot Lock. Rusev kicks him off, then backdrops him to the outside, where Swagger lands face-first onto the ring steps. Swagger manages to break the count at 9, but it doesn’t matter. Rusev stomps the back and goes for the Accolade. Swagger manages to counter it into the Patriot Lock, but Rusev quickly escapes. Superkick to the back of the head, and the Accolade is applied. Swagger tries to power out of it, but no luck. This one is over.
Rusev continues to apply pressure to the hold and refuses to break it. Titus O’Neil charges the ring, and Rusev immediately bails. This is an odd feud.
Another “Life Lessons With Bob Backlund” segment. I realize Darren Young and Backlund have become friends in real life, but who in the hell is interested in Backlund in 2016? He was barely relevant the last time he was relevant, which was in 1994.
We go back to Seth Rollins laying out Roman Reigns at Extreme Rules. Why is Rollins still using the Pedigree? Random observation: Mauro Ranallo makes the same “hosting/hoisting” error George Wendt did in one of the “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” skits on SNL.
MATCH 5 (MAIN EVENT): AJ STYLES (W/KARL ANDERSON AND LUKE GALLOWS) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CO-CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON (W/BIG E AND XAVIER WOODS)
Styles applies a side headlock and hits a hip throw. Kofi counters with a headscissors. Kofi then mirrors the series. They trade sweeps and do simultaneous kip-ups in an “indy clap” spot. Styles goes back to the side headlock. He hits a pair of armdrags out of a crisscross, then celebrates with the Club with the “Wolfpac” hand gesture. Kofi goes for a side headlock now, but Styles punches his way out. Kofi avoids a corner charge, ducks several strikes and snaps off a hurricanrana. One-Man Unicorn Stampede in the corner, followed by a basement dropkick. The New Day and the Club all enter the ring as the ref separates them before going to commercials.
Back from the break, we get a crisscross from the two competitors, ending in a flying back elbow from Kofi for 1. Kofi applies a 3/4-nelson, but Styles gets a quick rope-break. He hits Kofi with a throat chop, then chops away at Kofi. Kofi comes back with a trip and slides to the floor to celebrate with the rest of the New Day. The rest of the Club get in their faces, which allows Styles to throw Kofi face-first into the ring post. Back in the ring, Styles hits several shots in the corner and a pendulum backbreaker. Kofi comes back with a jawbreaker, but then misses a big kick. Styles lays waste to him with his flurry of strikes, then goes for a chinlock. Kofi fights out before getting thrown to the corner. Kofi avoids a corner splash and hits a monkey flip. Kofi misses a corner charge, lands on the second rope and comes off the top with a chop. He hits a dropkick and a jumping clothesline before hitting the Boom Drop. Kofi signals for Trouble in Paradise, which Styles sees. He ducks and gets a 2-count off an Ushi-Goroshi. Styles sets up the Styles Clash, but Kofi sandbags him. Kofi reverses and hits a forearm in a botched spot. Kofi then throws the worst dropkick this side of Erik Watts for 2. Kofi sets Styles up for a top rope move. The two have a mini slugfest before Styles escapes and sends Kofi face-first into the top buckle. Kofi backdrops him to the outside, but Styles lands on the apron and nails Kofi. Woods starts in with a loud trombone solo as a distraction. Styles shrugs it off and goes for the Phenomenal Foream, which Kofi sees coming. Styles lands on his feet, and Kofi connects with the SOS for 2. Outside, Anderson throws Woods into the steps. Meanwhile, Gallows tries to do the same to E, but E reverses and sends Gallows into the barricade. Anderson dives onto E, but catches him and belly-to-bellies him onto the announce desk. Good spot by those two. E turns around into a big boot from Gallows, which is then followed up by a tope con hilo by Kofi. Kofi climbs back in and immediately gets nailed with the Pele. Styles obliterates Kofi with the Styles Clash and this one’s over.
WINNER: AJ STYLES.
About time we got a fun main event. Good effort by everyone.
END OF SHOW.