Seth Rollins is opening the show this week, and he’s smiling. We go to clips from his match with John Cena on RAW, which resulted in Cena suffering a broken knows as a result of a high knee. Back to the arena, Rollins doesn’t care about the “You tapped out” chant. He single-handedly forced Cena to put the Authority back into power, and everyone said “So what?” He became the first man to cash in the MITB case at Wrestlemania, and heard the same thing. He stood toe-to-toe with Brock Lesnar at Battleground, did exactly what he said he would, and all he hears is those same two little words from everyone. A man can only take so much, and on RAW, he reached his breaking point. The unfortunate victim of his rage was Cena. Cena was sent to the ER with the aforementioned broken nose. He pummeled and unloaded on Cena until his nose was smashed sideways across his face. We go back to the footage again, only we see it in slow-motion, which is pretty rough. That’s followed up with black-and-white photos of Cena’s nose. It doesn’t look as bad as Rory MacDonald’s at UFC 189, but still pretty damn nasty. Back to the arena again, Rollins is laughing. What he did to Cena was gruesome, but at the same time, it was kind of beautiful in a way, kind of heavenly and divine. It was like a work of art, but on psychedelic mushrooms. He turned Cena’s face into a Picasso painting. He is an artiste. And John Cena…
MATCH 1: WWE WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS VS. CESARO (NON-TITLE)
Cesaro blocks a kick and hits two dragon screws. He looks for a half-crab, then the Sharpshooter, before Rollins escapes to the floor. Kevin Owens slowly walks down to the ring, and Cesaro notices him. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rollins has Cesaro in a side headlock. The two crisscross before Cesaro catches a cross-body attempt and hits a backbreaker for 2. Owens is on color commentary now. Cesaro goes for the Sharpshooter again, but then instead hits a double-stomp for another 2. Cesaro hits a European uppercut, sending Rollins to the floor. Rollins rolls back in, misses a double axe handle, then gets hit with a sunset flip from the apron. Cesaro rolls through and goes for the Sharpshooter yet again. Rollins gets to the ropes, gets in a quick shot and goes to the middle for a cross-body. Cesaro catches him and hits an elevated northern lights bomb for 2. In the corner, Cesaro lands another European uppercut, followed by another. Rollins comes back with a complete shot into the middle buckle, then dropkicks Cesaro in the back for 2. Rollins mounts Cesaro for a few punches, then lands a European of his own. Cesaro comes back with a trio before eating a kick off the ropes for 2. Rollins applies a rear chinlock, which Cesaro counters with a back suplex. He misses a corner uppercut, then gets dropkicked to the floor. Rollins goes for a suicide dive, but Cesaro hits a European through the ropes. He comes off with a few more in the corner back in the ring, then goes for the Cesaro Swing. Before it can happen, Owens hits the ring and assaults Cesaro, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: CESARO.
Rollins shoves Owens, acting like he’s pissed, but then the two both stomp Cesaro down as more referees hit the ring and push both men back.
Later tonight, Jack Swagger faces Rusev for the 812th time.
MATCH 2: LOS MATADORES (DIEGO & FERNANDO, W/EL TORITO) AND THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO & SIN CARA) VS. THE ASCENSION (KONNOR & VIKTOR), KOFI KINGSTON AND BIG E (W/XAVIER WOODS)
The Prime-Time Players are on color commentary. The New Day come out and call both masked teams winners, then asks if they could be the next champs. Yes, they could, and that means if the New Day win, they could become the new top contenders and then the 2-time champs. When asking who the fans would like to see as the new champs, Big E completely ignores the Ascension. After the pointless squash by Randy Orton and this promo, it’s safe to say the Ascension are dead in the water in WWE.
Viktor and a Matador start. The Matador hits a sweep for 1, ducks a clothesline, puts on the brakes, taunts Viktor, then trips Viktor onto the middle rope. He hits Viktor across the back and slides to the floor, tagging the other Matador in the process. Matador hits a slingshot elbow and tags in Cara, who hits a tope con hilo before applying an armbar. Viktor backs Cara into the corner and tags in Konnor. He stomps Cara down in the corner before tagging in Viktor. The Ascension miss a double clothesline and get hit with a double Asai moonsault. Cara goes up top, but gets knocked to the floor by Woods when the ref’s back is turned. Commercials.
Back from the break, Kofi is stomping Cara down in the corner. E tags in and does the same. Then Konnor. Then Kofi. Then E. Viktor tags in and gets 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Cara fights out before eating an uppercut. E tags in and clubs Cara in the gut. Kofi in, and he hits a running kick for 2. Kofi applies an armbar with a chinlock, but Cara fights out. He goes for a tag, but Kofi yanks him down by the mask for 2. Konnor tags himself in and stomps Cara down. Viktor in, and he whips Konnor in for an avalanche. Konnor then sends Cara into a high knee by Viktor for 2 as one of the Matadores breaks it up. Viktor drops a big elbow for 2, then nails a chop. E tags himself in and stomps Cara down. Kofi tags in, and E whips him in for a low dropkick in the corner. Viktor tags himself in as Kofi hits a catapult under the bottom rope. Viktor gets 2, then applies a rear chinlock. You wouldn’t think these 8 would make a boring match, but you’d be wrong. Viktor throws Cara into the buckles, eats a pair of boots, blocks a tag, then misses a corner splash. Cara pulls himself to the corner as E tags in. Kalisto makes the tag and hits a sprinboard dropkick, followed by a springboard twisting cross-body. He dropkicks the rest of the heels off the apron, then runs into a shot by E before hitting a handspring Tidal Crush. He connects with a tornado DDT before Woods distracts him. Torito hits a kick to the head around the post on Woods. Konnor picks him up for a slam, but then gets wiped out by a double suicide dive, courtesy of Los Matadores. Kalisto turns around and ducks Trouble in Paradise and sends Kofi to the floor. He turns around and gets caught with a vertical splash by E. E picks Kalisto up for the Midnight Hour, but Viktor tags himself in before Kofi has the chance. E nails Viktor before Los Matadores pull E to the floor. Viktor recovers and goes for a leglock, but Kalisto reverses it into a modified victory roll for 3.
WINNERS: LOS MATADORES AND THE LUCHA DRAGONS.
New Guy tries to stop Kevin Owens in the back for an interview, but Owens blows him off. New Guy follows him and tells him he’s now in a match tonight. He and Seth Rollins will take on Cesaro and a partner of his choosing. Owens asks who made the match, and New Guy says the Authority. New Guy says he’s sorry, and Owens agrees, but he won’t be as sorry as whoever teams up with Cesaro. Trust him.
Summerslam will be four hours this year. Does anyone care?
We get a video package for Becky Lynch. I love this woman, and it’s not just because of the red hair or the steampunk-themed gear.
The screen cuts to the Wyatt Family. Luke Harper says he used to be a man who thought he had nothing. But Bray Wyatt saved him. He showed Harper the truth, and now, he has everything he never needed. He has a purpose: his life for Wyatt. Wyatt says there’s no doubt in his mind that going into battle with Harper that Harper would be willing to give his life in the name of God. Roman, can you be sure Adam Rose is willing to do the same for you? He’s warned everyone before to be careful, inviting the devil into your backyard, because he might just like it and decide to stay. They’re here to fix the mistake. Anyone but you, Roman. Anyone but you.
Adam Rose is rumored to be the newest member of the Wyatt Family, since Erick Rowan has been shelved with an injury. Needless to say, I’m not happy.
Before the next match, Rusev cuts a promo about Lana’s unprofessional behavior on RAW. Lana disrespected “Hot Summer”. Lana is jealous because she wants to be with Rusev. He knows Lana is watching somewhere. He is ashamed the way he fell for her, then calls her a “Russian wannabe”. He tells Rae that, after he crushes his opponent, he’ll take her and their new puppy, Dog Ziggler, for a walk. Not here in Oklahoma, of course. Mayble they’ll lay down a blanket, stare into each other’s eyes…And Jack Swagger comes out to get squashed in his home state.
MATCH 3: RUSEV (W/SUMMER RAE) VS. JACK SWAGGER.
What do you think? Rusev wins with the Accolade.
Rusev tries to continue the attack after the match, but misses an avalanche. Swagger hits him with an elevated belly-to-belly and applies the Patriot Lock before Rusev escapes.
New Guy (who I think they called Rip Morgan or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening) is standing by wth Cesaro in the locker room area. He points out the match tonight and asks if he has a partner. Cesaro says not yet, but he’s the one with the issue with Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins. No one owes him anything. If someone wants to join the fight, fine. If not, he’s been on his own his whole career. If he has to do it again tonight, that’s fine. He knows what he’s walking into.
The feud with Neville and Stardust is STILL going.
MATCH 4: R-TRUTH VS. STARDUST
They lock up, and Truth applies a side headlock before hitting a shoulder off the ropes. They go into the crisscross before Truth hits a forearm. He slaps Stardust and whips him into the corner before missing a splash. Stardust kicks him in the back of the leg and rakes the eyes before hitting a clothesline to the back of the head for 2. Stardust applies a crossface chickenwing, but Truth breaks free and gets in a sunset flip for 2. He connects with a pair of clotheslines and a jumping side kick for 2. Truth goes for an Osaka street cutter, but Stardust escapes and shoves him into the buckles. He then hits the Queen’s Crossbow, the move formerly known as Cross-Rhodes, for 3.
Stardust cuts a promo about outer space while holding a yellow mask molded after his own face. He then calls for Neville before trying to put the mask on Truth. Truth briefly gets away before Neville hits the ring. Neville dropkicks Stardust to the floor, then wipes him out with a twisting suicide dive. He rolls Stardust back into the ring and goes up for the Red Arrow, but Stardust bails through the crowd.
We see Sheamus in the back with a stagehand.
After some commercials, we’re back with Sheamus, who is now with Jo-Jo. She asks what triggered him to attack Randy Orton on RAW. Sheamus says he doesn’t need a trigger. Orton thought he’d show up at Battleground and that would be the end. Not by a long shot. When Sheamus returned to WWE, he targeted the underdogs. He did it because he’s a real man. Orton might fancy himself a real man, but when Sheamus’ Brogue meets Orton’s face and Sheamus is the last man standing, he truly will be the last real man in WWE. Before you think he’s the bad guy in this, Sheamus isn’t responsible. Orton said he’d be waiting for Sheamus to cash in his MITB contract to become the next WWE World Champion. When Sheamus sees a threat, he gets rid of it. All of these attacks will not stop until Orton is gone from WWE. Think about it: WWE without Orton. It’s like a blue sky without clouds, or Oklahoma without Tulsa. It’s a dream come true, and he’s entertained.
The two teams start immediately throwing fists and pair off. Ambrose knocks Rollins to the floor, followed shortly by Cesaro doing the same to Owens. Owens and Rollins re-enter the ring, but it’s more of the same. Commercials.
After the break, the bell rings to officially start. Ambrose and Rollins start. Ambrose hits a snapmare and a low clothesline before tagging in Cesaro. They wishbone Rollins before Cesaro hits a low European uppercut for 2. He hits another in the corner, ducks an Owens clothesline and knocks him to the floor. Rollins takes advantage before tagging Owens in. Owens stomps Cesaro down before foot-choking him, then taunts Ambrose. Owens nails a chop and a few punches before hitting a back elbow. Cesaro comes back with a boot and tries to fight his way out of the corner before Owens puts a stop to that. Owens stomps Cesaro some more, then tags in Rollins. They get in a couple shots on Cesaro before Rollins connects with a short-arm clothesline for 2. Rollins applies a rear chinlock as Ambrose bounces on the apron. Cesaro fights out with Europeans before Rollins nails a Ghetto Blaster. A jumping elbow gets 2, and now Owens is back in. More stomps for Cesaro, followed by a running senton for 2. Owens hits a couple straight rights for another 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Cesaro counters with a back suplex, then crawls for the tag. Owens cuts him off and sends him into the corner. Cesaro sidesteps a charge and sends Owens into the post. Rollins tags in, gets backdropped to the apron, then heads up for the flying knee. He misses as Cesaro rolls for the tag to Ambrose. Ambrose hits a cross-body into some mounted punches, then throws Rollins to the corner for some stomps, a running forearm and a bulldog. Rollins heads to the apron, dropkicks Owens in the knee, then backdrops Rollins to the floor. He hits Rollins with a suicide dive and follows up with a chop before rolling him back in. Owens tries to knock Ambrose down, but gets kicked away from the buckles. Ambrose dives over Rollins, lands on his feet, then intercepts a thrust kick and looks for Dirty Deeds. Rollins escapes before getting rolled up for 2. Ambrose ducks a roundhouse and hits a back suplex into a sit-out facebuster for 2. Ambrose sets Rollins up in the corner for a superplex, but Rollins blocks while calling for help. Ambrose sees Owens coming and knocks him to the floor. He goes up again, but Rollins rakes the eyes, flips over Ambrose and runs across the ring with a corner powerbomb for 2. Rollins heads up top and connects with the flying knee before following up with a thrust kick for 2. Owens is back on the apron and looks for the tag, which he gets. He knocks Cesaro off the apron on the other side, then heads up top. Ambrose recovers enough to crotch him, then goes up top for a superplex. Owens fights him off, but Ambrose shakes it off, nails a forearm and tries again. Owens blocks it and hits a twisting superplex for 2, only to have Cesaro break it up with a double-stomp to the back. Owen goes after Cesaro who drops to the floor. Owens then turns his attention back to Ambrose, missing a running senton in the process. Cesaro tags in and blasts Owens with Europeans in the corner, then powers him up on his shoulders with a modified Argentinean backbreaker, only to turn it into a front powerbomb for 2. Cesaro breaks his own pin to lock in the crossface, which he breaks when he sees Rollins coming in. He grabs Rollins by the legs and hits him with the Cesaro Swing before locking in the Sharpshooter. He breaks it when he sees Owens coming back and clotheslines him to the floor. Rollins climbs up top, but gets cut off by Ambrose. Ambrose finally hits the superplex on Rollins, then clotheslines him to the floor. He turns around into an Owens superkick. Owens goes for the pop-up powerbomb, but Ambrose instead leapfrogs over Owens, as well as Cesaro who is right behind. Cesaro rolls Owens up off the ropes and gets 3.
WINNERS: DEAN AMBROSE AND CESARO.
Awesome tag team match. These are the kinds of guys the main event picture should be full of right now.
END OF SHOW.