A mariachi band opens up this week’s episode of SmackDown!, as we are getting a celebration for Alberto Del Rio’s title win last week, which Ricardo Rodriguez calls “Fiesta Del Rio”. In case you were unaware, The Big Show’s contract is apparently up soon, and he may not be re-signing, which is why he dropped the belt to ADR. The two have a rematch at the Rumble, but I’m not expecting Show to win back the belt. Instead, ADR will move onto a feud with Dolph Ziggler, who I am picking to win the Royal Rumble. Anyway, ADR makes his way into the ring and welcomes us to the fiesta before telling San Antonio it’s time to party. They haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, but everyone has to agree to celebrate that the fat jackass is no longer World Champion.
Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston and AJ Lee head down the ramp. AJ says they love a good party, and their invitations must’ve been lost in the mail. ADR says this is a party for him, Ricardo and all of their friends. Ziggler says it’s funny he thinks these are his friends, and it’s funny he thinks he holds the World title. He doesn’t. What he has is a giant target on his head. Ziggler is Mr. MITB, and ADR knows better than anyone what the contract means. Whenever Ziggler sees fit to cash it in, ADR will say “adios” to the championship. Ziggler then formally introduces ADR to Langston. ADR tells them to leave the ring right now. Ziggler says they will, but maybe first, Langston drops ADR where he stands, Ziggler cashes in and walks out as the new champion. ADR dares him to do so, but before that can happen, The Big Show heads down to the ring. Ziggler points out that ADR is outnumbered. Sheamus comes out on this note and tells “Ziggles” that he thought he’d help out with the numbers situation. Don’t be so mad; everyone knows Sheamus can’t resist a “Fiesta Del Rio”, especially when so many of his great friends are here. He didn’t come out to crash the party. He knows he and ADR have had their differences, beating each other black and blue. Last time, he even tried to steal ADR’s car. Seriously though, he came out here to congratulate ADR on an epic victory last week. He has no doubt in his mind that ADR deserves to be champion and it would be an honor to shake his hand. They have a peaceful handshake before Sheamus offers his services as a bouncer for this party. ADR doesn’t want anyone fighting, since this is a party. Well, maybe just a little bit.
Later tonight, Orton and Team Hell No! take on Barrett and the Rhodes Scholars.
MATCH 1: WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston
Why is Cesaro getting the jobber non-entrance? Anyway, Cesaro making fun of Ric Flair on Monday night was awesome. Lock-up to start, and Cesaro backs Kofi into the corner for some strikes. Kofi comes back with boots to the gut. Cesaro applies a side headlock and shoulders Kofi off the ropes. Crisscross ends with Cesaro sending Kofi throat-first into the middle rope. Miz is shown watching on a monitor in the back as Cesaro hits the deadlift gutwrench suplex for 2. Double stomp to the chest by Cesaro for another 2. Cesaro applies a modified cobra clutch, but Kofi breaks free and hits a double chop to the chest. Kofi reverses a back body drop into a sunset flip for 2. Cesaro counters a roll-up into one of his own with a handful of tights for 2. Kofi counters a clothesline with the SOS for 2. Kofi goes for a hurricanrana from the top, but Cesaro catches him and turns it into the Neutralizer for 3.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro. Awesome finish in this match.
Back to Miz, he is stopped by Primo, Epico and Rosa Mendes. They make a joke about him and Ric Flair. They call Flair a great wrestler, while Miz only has catchphrases. Miz challenges one of the two to a match, and leaves it up to Rosa to make a decision who will face him.
MATCH 2: Tensai vs. The Great Khali (w/Natalya)
Tensai also gets a jobber non-entrance. Unlike Cesaro, however, Tensai isn’t going over. To anyone who read my column a while ago where I thought Tensai would go onto bigger things this time around, I am truly sorry about that. Granted, I’m not the only one who said it, but I still must apologize. Khali backs Tensai into the corner and hits an open-hand chop. Another chop in the adjacent corner. Tensai comes back with an uppercut and a corner clothesline. He beats Khali down in the corner, kneeing him in the face. Khali comes back with a boot to the face and a brain chop for 3.
WINNER: The Great Khali. God, that was pathetic.
Daniel Bryan is in the back, telling Kane he doesn’t understand why the Rhodes Scholars were brought into their therapy session. Speaking of bad ideas, Kane wants to know what is with the thing on Cody’s face. Bryan agrees, saying some people don’t realize when their facial hair gets ridiculous. Kane looks at Bryan and says, “Tell me about it.” Bryan wants to know what he meant by that, and they start a “Yes! No!” argument. The argument stops when Orton walks in. He asks if they’re going to act like 2nd graders or dish out some pain to their opponents. Kane says both. Bryan says they’re working through anger issues, something Orton knows about. They used to be like him, but thanks to Dr. Shelby, they’re not only in a better place, but they’re champions. Does Orton want to be champion? He says he does, and after he wins the Rumble…Bryan cuts him off and tells him to focus on one thing at a time. After they win their tag match, it’s time for a group hug. Orton isn’t much of a hugger, but Bryan says he will be.
MATCH 3: Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett and the Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow) vs. Randy Orton and WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No! (Daniel Bryan and Kane)
Orton and Rhodes start, with Orton firing off some rights. Kane tags in, hits a snapmare and a low dropkick for 2. Bryan in now, who hits a double axe handle to the arm from the top rope. Bryan with some No! Kicks to the chest, but he misses a Buzzsaw. Sandow tags in and Bryan immediately goes for the No! Lock. Sandow rolls to the outside before it can be applied. Commercials.
We’re back, and Kane is now the legal man for his team, getting stomped by Sandow. Rhodes tags in and fires off some shots before Sandow comes back in. Sandow hits a side-Russian legsweep and lands the Cubito Auquet for 1. Barrett tags in and fires off some punches to the gut in his corner. Kane fights his way out before running into the Winds of Change for 2. Rhodes in for the Beautiful Disaster, but he gets hit with an uppercut. Sandow tags in and knocks Bryan off the apron before getting hit with a back body drop by Kane. Orton tags in for the Four Moves of Boredom. Sandow escapes the DDT by dropping to the floor as Orton ducks a clothesline from Barrett, knocking him to the floor with a punch. Bryan takes Barrett out with a running knee from the apron. Back in the ring, Rhodes counters the RKO with Cross Rhodes. Sandow comes in for the pin, but Kane breaks it up at 2. He pushes Rhodes to the floor by the throat before Sandow dumps Kane. Sandow turns around into the RKO for the 3.
WINNERS: Randy Orton and Team Hell No!. After the match, Bryan calls for them to hug it out, b*tch, and Kane stops Orton from leaving the ring, calling for a hug himself. Kane and Bryan force a group hug on him as Orton is looking disgusted.
MATCH 4: The Miz vs. Primo (w/Epico and Rosa Mendes)
Lock-up, and Primo turns it into a side headlock. Primo shoulders him off the ropes, and Miz comes back with a back elbow off the crisscross. Back body drop by Miz, followed by a running knee. Primo comes back with a kitchen sink, and an elbow to the gut gets 1. Double stomp to the face, and a seated dropkick gets 2. Primo applies a rear chinlock with a bodyscissors, but Miz elbows out and tackles Primo. Primo comes back with a clothesline for 2. Jumping legdrop for another 2. Snap suplex for another 2 before Primo goes back to the rear chinlock. Miz fights out, and the two trade shots. Miz fires off some forearms in the corner. Primo counters a charge with a back elbow, but runs right into a flapjack. Miz counters a sunset flip with a boot to the face. Hanging clothesline connects, and Miz comes off the top with a double axe handle. Epico causes a distraction as Miz calls for the SKF, and Primo clips him in the knee. Primo signals for a figure-4, and Miz boots him off into Epico, sending Epico to the floor. Miz rolls Primo up in a schoolboy, then turns it into a figure-4. Primo taps.
WINNER: The Miz. If Miz is going to use the figure-4 as his new finisher, he needs to practice applying it quite a bit.
Layla and Alicia Fox are in the back, celebrating with new WWE Divas Champion, Kaitlyn, who won the belt in her hometown of Houston. Layla is holding the belt, and she has to be reminded to give it back. Booker T and Teddy Long walk up to congratulate, with Long being happy she made Eve Torres quit.
MATCH 5: Aksana vs. WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn
Aksana backs Kaitlyn onto the ropes with a lock-up, giving her a clean break. Another lock-up, and Kaitlyn turns it into a waistlock takedown. She turns it into a suplex into a float-over for 2. Aksana kicks Kaitlyn in the head, causing her to roll to the apron. Kaitlyn goes up top, but Aksana pushes her to the floor. Back in the ring, Aksana gets 1 before dropping some elbows to the shoulder. Aksana applies a cravat before whipping Kaitlyn down by the hair for 1. Aksana applies a trapezius claw before taking Kaitlyn down with an arm wringer. She jumps on top of Kaitlyn, and the two now scrap on the mat. Aksana pops back up with a clothesline, then hits some knees in the corner. As Aksana is arguing with the referee, Kaitlyn comes back with a spear for 3.
Mick Foley is officially the first inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2013. Foley definitely deserves it.
We get a video message from The Shield. Attention WWE Universe, Sheamus, Ryback and Randy Orton. They are The Shield. They crashed Foley’s HOF announcement on Monday night. They spoiled the celebration in the name of justice. Foley may ignore all of the names sacrificed in order to be hardcore. Either way, they hold him accountable. Everyone is accountable. Ryback will never get back what he wants. Orton has 206 bones. They broke one. They’re just getting started. Sheamus likes to fight for fun; they fight for justice. Believe in The Shield. Nice to see some continuity for the attempted Ambrose/Foley angle from last year.
We see Sheamus and Orton watching this video on a monitor. Sheamus points out they talk big when no one can find them. Orton doesn’t find them funny, and he wasn’t laughing on Wednesday. Sheamus says he’s sorry he wasn’t there on Wednesday, but Orton tells him he doesn’t need his help. Sheamus says he’s right; he did just fine on Monday when they were beating Orton up. Orton says that funny, but at the Rumble, he needs the win, and he’ll get it. Sheamus always wants an answer. On that night, there won’t be one for Orton.
ADR has switched to a red scarf. Red=face, apparently. ADR and Ziggler start the match with a lock-up. They trade arm wringers and ADR goes into an armbar. Ziggler fights out and beats ADR down in the corner. ADR comes back with a bodyslam and goes for a middle rope moonsault. He misses, but lands on his feet and rolls through, hitting Ziggler with a flapjack and some kicks. Sheamus tags in and he stomps Ziggler down in the corner. Shoulder off the ropes by Sheamus, and Ziggler rolls to the apron. Sheamus gets him back in the ring with a delayed vertical suplex for 2. Ziggler fights out of a fireman’s carry and tags in Show, who clubs Sheamus down. He beats Sheamus down in the corner, then chokes him over the middle rope before shoving him to the floor. Outside, Langston tries to shove Sheamus into the ringpost, but Sheamus blocks it and punches Langston. The referee heads outside and ejects Langston as AJ throws a fit on the other side of the ring. She gets in and screams at the referee, so he ejects her as well. Commercials.
Back from the break, Ziggler and ADR are legal, and Ziggler has ADR in a rear chinlock with a bodyscissors. ADR fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits a bridging German suplex for 2. Sheamus gets the hot tag, hits a corner clothesline and a short-arm clothesline. Sheamus goes up top, but Show shoves him to the floor. Sheamus crawls back into the ring, and Ziggler tags in Show. Show hits a big elbow, then begins working over the left leg before hitting a bodyslam. Show stands on Sheamus’ back, then goes back to the leg with a legbar. Sheamus breaks the hold with forearms to the chest, but Show elbows him across the back before he can tag out. Show with some knee strikes, landing one to Sheamus’ face. Sheamus fights back, but runs into a one-arm sidewalk slam for 2. Show goes to the corner for the Vader Bomb, which connects for 2. Show goes up once more, but Sheamus rolls out of the way. ADR and Ziggler tag in, and ADR hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Thrust kick to the face gets 2. ADR applies the rolling jujigatame, not noticing that Ziggler had tagged out. Show breaks the hold with a legdrop. Sheamus comes in and hits Show with White Noise. He rolls to the apron, where ADR hits the step-up enziguri, knocking him to the floor. ADR dumps a bucket of water on Show, and Show simply walks away.
WINNERS VIA COUNT-OUT: Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus.
End of show.
Total throw-away show. My question is, why?
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