Welcome to a special live edition of Super SmackDown! Tonight’s main event will be Champion vs. Champion, as WWE Champion CM Punk takes on World Champion Daniel Bryan in what could very easily be an immediate Match of the Year candidate. We also find out The Big Show will take on Mark Henry in a snoozer. Guess not everything can be great.
Show opens with World Champion Daniel Bryan making his way out, accompanied by his girlfriend, AJ. The one thing I hate about Bryan turning heel? Michael Cole has immediately begun kissing his ass. Bryan retained the title this past Sunday in a surprisingly great Elimination Chamber Match, last eliminating Santino Marella of all people. On a side note, I’d like to congratulate Marella on putting in one hell of a performance in that match. Love the guy or hate him, if given the chance, he can put in a damn good match. And man, was the crowd completely electric for him the entire night. Anyway, Bryan talks about when he won the MITB contract and said he was going to main event Wrestlemania, there wasn’t a single person out there who believed him, yet here he stands, as YOUR World Heavyweight Champion. And, might he add, he’s heading to the main event of Wrestlemania. Santino Marella was trying to channel Rocky Balboa heading into this past Sunday’s match, but Bryan is a role model; he’s the real Rocky story. Santino, the Great Khali, Cody Rhodes, Wade Barrett, the Big Show. He beat them all. You want Rocky? “Yo, AJ! I did it! Yes! Yes! Yes!” Awesome, awesome line right there. As he was celebrating and physically spent after the match, his moment was ruined by Sheamus. Now it’s his turn. He’s going to ruin Sheamus’ moment at WM. He will show Sheamus and everyone else that he will be victorious, just like tonight, when he will be victorious against CM Punk. You want to talk about the best in the world…
For some reason, The Miz makes his way out before Bryan can finish his thought. Miz has mic in hand. Who’da thunk it, that Bryan would be champion? But Bryan is wrong; he wasn’t the only one who thought he’d become champion. Miz knew he would, too. Miz molded him to become champion. From the moment Miz worked with him on NXT, he knew Bryan had all the tools to become World Champion. He’s not out here asking for thanks, though. He’s not out here to steal the spotlight, either. He’s simply out here to say congratulations on being in the main event of WM, just like Miz did last year. As Bryan continues to follow in Miz’s footsteps, and after Bryan destroys Sheamus at WM, Miz thinks he and Bryan should form a tag team.
Back from break, and our first match is in progress.
MATCH 1: The Miz vs. Sheamus
Sheamus is in control with an armbar before turning it into a top wristlock. Miz breaks free with some kicks. Sheamus telegraphs a back body drop, but manages to toss Miz over the top rope on a charge. Miz lands on his feet on the apron, where he’s met with a punch and the tied-up forearms to the chest. The final forearm sends Miz to the floor outside. Sheamus follows, booting Miz before throwing him back in the ring. Sheamus hits the slingshot shoulder block for 2. Miz rolls to the apron, hotshotting Sheamus’ left arm in the process. Sheamus quickly rebounds with a shoulderblock and an uppercut before missing a shoulder charge in the corner, going into the post and falling to the floor. Miz follows out and rams Sheamus shoulder-first into the post one more time before getting him back in the ring. Miz ducks a clothesline and hits an armbar takedown for a 1-count. He goes into a standing armbar, which Sheamus fights out of. Miz gets a boot up off the ropes before tying Sheamus’ arm up in the top rope. Miz connects with the running corner clothesline and heads up top, connecting with a double axe handle and another boot off the ropes for a 1-count. Miz goes into a top wristlock that Sheamus fights out of. They trade several shots before Sheamus hits a trio of Irish Hammers and a corner clothesline. Irish Curse gets 2. Sheamus shakes off the arm before whipping Miz into the corner. Miz gets an elbow up and charges. Sheamus catches him and goes for the tilt-a-whirl powerslam, but Miz slides out and hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for 2. Miz sets up for the Skull-Crushing Finale, but can’t lock it on. Sheamus throws him over the shoulder and sets up for the Brogue Kick, but misses. Miz gets in a quick roll-up for 2. Sheamus powers out of the pin, sending Miz into the corner. Sheamus hits the air raid crash for 3, which is apparently his new finisher.
Back in Teddy Long’s office, Aksana is continuing to flirt with him, saying she wants him to be the GM for both shows, and that on top of every man is a good woman. John Laurinaitis and Carlton Banks walk in. Laurinaitis asks how unprofessional one person can be, and this is a perfect reason why he should be the GM of both shows, not Long. Long says he hopes they are making themselves comfortable, and he’s chosen a special place for their office for the evening. It has its own bathroom, and you can’t mistake it, because you can clearly see the letters M-E-N on the door. Carlton Otunga oh-so-wittily retorts that Long’s office should be in the dumpster, and it will be after Otunga beats Ezekiel Jackson tonight in a rematch from RAW. Long says we’ll see, and don’t forget to flush.
MATCH 2: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth vs. WWE United States Champion Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler (w/Vicki Guerrero)
BTW, I like Justin Henry’s name of “Truly High” for this team, mainly because I’ve heard that’s pretty apropos in regards to Truth (and not just the incident after Survivor Series). Truth and Swagger start, with Truth getting in a side headlock. Truth with a pair of uppercuts for the heels, but gets leveled with a shoulder block by Swagger, followed by the Swagger Bomb for 2. Ziggler tags in, hits a snapmare and a leaping elbow drop. He takes a second to do some sit-ups before going into cross-face chicken wing. Truth fights out and gets a boot up in the corner before Ziggler misses a splash. Kingston tags in, hits a flying clothesline, a jumping chop and a dropkick. He hits the pendulum kick out of the corner before hitting the top rope cross body. Kingston only gets 2 as Swagger breaks it up. Truth comes in, and Swagger sends him to the floor before Kingston clotheslines him over the top rope. Ziggler gets a thumb to the eye before hitting the Zig Zag, ending this one quickly.
WINNERS: Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler.
We get a clip for the show Face/Off for some reason. If you’re wondering what this show is, it’s like every other g*ddamn reality show out there, only it involves special effects makeup artists, with the prize being cash and make-up. Yes, make-up.
We get the video for the next inductee in this year’s Hall of Fame class, that being the first African-American World Champion in history, Ron Simmons. Personally, I’m very pleased with this choice. Always been a Simmons fan, and felt that he could have been a much greater champion had he actually been given worthwhile opponents instead of lifetime mid-carders like The Barbarian. Nothing against Barbarian, but he never did anything in his career to garner World title matches.
We see Santino Marella in his locker room with his Cobra sock on his hand, striking plastic cups. Heath Slater comes in and knocks all the cups off the table. Marella says he shouldn’t have done that, because this is no ordinary cobra. All of a sudden, some liquid flies from the sock, right in Slater’s eyes. Marella says this is a spitting cobra before more liquid comes flying out.
We get a blurb for the “Twitter war” between CM Punk and Chris Brown. For those that don’t know, this “war” is already over, with Punk verbally stomping the piss out of Brown, followed by Punk fans repeatedly flaming Brown’s Twitter account.
MATCH 3: Drew McIntyre vs. The Great Khali
McIntyre gets the jobber non-entrance treatment here. Guess who is winning this match? BTW, whatever happened to that angle where McIntyre was on the chopping block? Despite not winning a single match since being back on SD! and being threatened with termination if he can’t win some matches, here he is, gainfully employed. Anyway, McIntyre starts the match by trying to plead with Khali before shoving him. Khali hits a brain chop and the Punjabi Plunge for the 3. Yes, it was that quick.
WINNER: The Great Khali.
Highlights from last night’s battle royal, which saw Chris Jericho win to earn a shot at the WWE title at Wrestlemania, with a little bit of help from Cody Rhodes.
Backstage, Matt Striker is with The Big Show. Show says Rhodes is on the top of his you-know-what list, much like Show is probably at the top of Mark Henry’s you-know-what list. Show will solve the second problem by knocking Henry out tonight, and when he gets his hands on Rhodes, he’s going to snap Rhodes’ neck.
We see video of Show knocking out Henry last week on SD!, which has led to this next match.
MATCH 4: Mark Henry vs. The Big Show
Show immediately starts the match with a boot and numerous gut shots. He backs Henry into a corner, hits a headbutt and an avalanche. He misses the WMD, allowing Henry to knock him down with a punch. Some stomps and an elbow drop follow. Henry with a headbutt and more stomps. Show fights back with more gut shots, but gets taken down with a clothesline. Henry gets 2 off a double axe handle before doing a rope assisted stand on Show’s chest. Another punch and a choke with the knee over the ropes. Henry talks trash to Show before continuing the assault. He gets Show up and hits a corner whip, but Show gets his foot up on the charge before taking Henry down with a pair of clotheslines and a spear. Show signals for the chokeslam, but before he can go for it, Cody Rhodes’ music hits and the IC Champion makes his way out, mic in hand. The Big Show chokeslamming somebody? It must not be Wrestlemania. Let’s take a look at one of your finer WM moments, him vs. Akebono in a Sumo Match at WM21, the last image of that match being Show’s big fat…basically, Show, made an ass of himself. This cuts to a video of said match, which Show lost relatively quickly. Oh, the match with Mark Henry is still going on, BTW. After the video, Show turns around into a bodyslam from Henry. He follows up with a running splash, but it only gets 2. Henry goes to pick Show up, but Show knocks him out with a WMD. Instead of going for the pin, he starts heading up the ramp after Rhodes.
WINNER: No contest, I guess.
RAW rebound time, which means I get to use the bathroom.
We get a video from some WWE YouTube show called “Are You Serious”. It’s basically they’re half-assed attempt at Mystery Science Theater 3000, only it involves wrestling clips.
Teddy Long makes his way out, followed by Ezekiel Jackson. Long then immediately heads to the back. John Laurinaitis then does the same thing with David Otunga before heading to the back as well.
MATCH 5: Ezekiel Jackson vs. David Otunga
As if their first match wasn’t bad enough, we get a rematch. Huzzah! We get a cut-away promo from Jackson. He says he let Long and the entire SD! locker room last night, and tonight, Otunga’s going down. Match starts with Otunga taking Zeke down, locking him in a dragon sleeper, then dropping a bunch of forearms. Zeke shakes these off and throws Otunga into the ropes for a shoulder block. He backs Otunga into the corner and hits some shots before a pair of corner clotheslines. Corner whip and an avalanche come next, followed by a sidewalk slam. He goes for the Argentinean backbreaker (NOT THE TORTURE RACK!), but Otunga grabs the ropes. Zeke decides to dump Otunga over the top rope instead of breaking the hold. This allows Otunga to hot shot him. Back in the ring, Otunga hits The Verdict and gets the 3.
WINNER: David Otunga. Since when did WWE decide Otunga should be winning matches and looking dominant? Seriously, whose dumbass idea was this? After the match, David Otunga does a bunch of stupid poses. I’ve been around bodybuilding my entire life, and I can tell you that Otunga doesn’t know thing number damn one about posing correctly.
Another clip from the show Face/Off. Why?
Did You Know? Both families in the show Married…With Children-the Bundys and the Rhoades/D’Arcys-were partially named after wrestlers due to one of the creators being a huge wrestling fan. The Bundys were named after King Kong Bundy (who appeared in two episodes of the show), the Rhoades after Dusty Rhodes, and the D’Arcys after Barry Darsow.
More highlights from RAW, this time involving the crap between John Cena and Eve Torres.
Matt Striker is now in the back for an interview with WWE Champion CM Punk. Punk says it’s great to be back on Smackdown!, and unlike RAW, this show has a competent GM (I beg to differ), and he fully supports Teddy Long becoming the permanent GM of both shows so John Laurinaitis can go be a spokesperson for Men’s Wearhouse before doing an impression of John Laurinaitis doing George Zimmer’s catchphrase. Spot on, too. He’s going to wait until Monday to address Chris Jericho. As for Daniel Bryan, he thinks becoming champion has gone to Bryan’s head. If he tells AJ to shave her head, he’s going to go after him for copyright infringement. Tonight, he’s going to teach Daniel Bryan how to lose.
Got my copy of The Rock’s new documentary DVD in the mail today. Will hopefully have a review up before the end of the week.
MATCH 6: World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. WWE Champion CM Punk (non-title)
Bryan comes out AJ-less. Boo. Match starts with a tie-up, with Punk eventually backing Bryan into the corner. Clean break. Bryan gets in a hammerlock and turns it into an arm wringer. Punk reverses into a side headlock. Criss-cross series follows, with Bryan missing a dropkick. Punk gets a 1-count off a jackknife, which Bryan reverses into a pin of his own for 1. Punk gets in a hip throw into a side headlock, which Bryan reverses into a headscissors. Punk breaks free and turns into an arm drag by Bryan, which is then reversed into a headscissors by Punk. Bryan breaks free, resulting in a brief round of applause from the crowd as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Bryan has Punk in a side headlock. Punk breaks free and catches Bryan with a kitchen sink off the ropes before hitting a standing Bomb’s Away for 2. Bryan hits a weird kick on Punk’s arm, sending him into the corner. Bryan nails a couple more kicks before hitting a corner whip. Punk gets his foot up off the charge and goes for a springboard cross body, but Bryan moves out of the way. Punk is selling an arm injury now, which Bryan exploits with an arm wringer into a an armbreaker over the shoulder and more kicks. Bryan goes back to the arm, but Punk fights him off with some forearms. Bryan still holds on and turns the hold into a throw before attacking it with another stomp for a 1-count. Bryan goes for the kicks to the chest and connects with one before Punk blocks him. He trips Bryan up but misses an elbow. Bryan chokes Punk with the knee before going into a standing surfboard stretch. Punk gets back to his feet, but can’t break the hold. Bryan forces him back down with a head between the shoulder blades. Punk fights back up and reverses the hold into a Peter Maivia-esque backbreaker. Both men back up, and it’s Punk’s turn to lay in a bunch of kicks. Jumping leg lariat off the ropes. Bryan misses a roundhouse, and Punk sets up for the GTS. Bryan slides out and goes for the LeBell Lock, but Punk breaks free and throws Bryan into the ropes. He tries to connect with the roundhouse kick, but Bryan sees it coming and escapes to the floor. He starts backing up the ramp, but Sheamus runs down from the back to throw Bryan back in the ring. Bryan stands up and gets nailed with the roundhouse for the 3.
WINNER: CM Punk. Before Punk can celebrate though, John Laurinaitis comes down and says he will not allow this decision to stand. Due to outside interference, this decision is void and the match will continue.
The bell rings and Punk lays in some chops to the chest, followed by another kitchen sink as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Bryan is once again in control as he nails a kick to the back. Bryan goes back to Punk’s injured arm with another over-the-shoulder armbreaker. During the break, Punk knocked Bryan down outside the ring and began mocking Bryan by doing his celebration dance while yelling “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Funny stuff. Back in the ring, Punk manages to get a roll-up off the ropes for 1, but Bryan reverses into a roll-up for his own and gets the 3 by holding onto the ropes.
WINNER: Daniel Bryan. Before Bryan can celebrate, Long comes and does the same thing Johnny Ace did a few minutes ago and restarts the match, but not before getting in Ace’s face.
WINNER: No contest.
End of show.
Well, aside from the bullsh*t ending (which I can promise you is setting up for a Long/Laurinaitis match at Wrestlemania. I so wish I was making this up), the main event was beyond fantastic. Anytime WWE wants to throw Punk and Bryan at each other is perfectly fine in my books.
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Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.