This week’s episode opens with John Cena making his way down to the ring. He says in two days, it’s the TLC PPV. That means that in two days…
Seth Rollins wastes no time interrupting this segment. He comes out, flanked by J&J Security, and tells Cena to do us all a favor and shut up. How many times in the last ten years has Cena come out before a huge match and told everyone what he was going to do in the ring? Rollins gives him credit: Cena is in the spot he’s in because he’s always stepped up, and 99 times out of 100, the things Cena says he’ll do have happened. That’s how good he is. But after this Sunday when Rollins beats him, there will be a new standard set for the things he says he’ll do 99 times out of 100. Cena talks all the time about how the future has to go through him. The future doesn’t exist without Rollins. All Cena wants to do is talk. Well, spare us. On RAW, Cena said it was about stepping up or stepping aside. Cena’s time is up, and Rollins’ time is now. At TLC in the tables match, he doesn’t have to pin Cena or make him submit.
Tonight’s main event will be yet another 6-man tag team match, as Erick Rowan, Dolph Ziggler and Ryback face the Big Show, Luke Harper and Corporate Kane.
We get a video for Adam Rose, as if anyone still gives a sh*t.
This is then followed by a video for the Ascension. Glad to see they’re finally getting called up. They come off a bit like Demolition in the video, which makes me very happy.
MATCH 1: CESARO AND TYSON KIDD (W/NATALYA) VS. THE USOS (JEY AND JIMMY)
The Miz and Damien Mizdow are on commentary. We get a cut-away promo from Cesaro and Kidd. They call themselves two of the most talented and underrated talents in WWE history, and they are the perfect guys to grab the brass ring. Kidd and an Uso start, with Kidd applying a side headlock. He slides under Uso’s legs, and Uso then hits a shoulderblock. Uso blocks a hiptoss and hits a headbutt as we see Naomi watching from the back, meaning this is Jimmy in the ring. Jimmy hits an uppercut and tags in Jey, who comes off the top. Kidd rams him into the corner and tags in Cesaro, who stomps Jey down. He hits a European uppercut, then nails a knife-edge in the corner. Jey comes back with a couple of his own. Cesaro rips his shirt off as Jimmy tags in. He nails a shot in the corner and hits a snapmare for 2. Cesaro fights out of an armbar by hitting a powerslam for 2. Cesaro applies a rear chinlock, but Jimmy escapes and hits a seated dropkick that sends Cesaro to the outside. Jimmy hits an over-the-top suicide dive, then rolls Cesaro back in. He goes after Cesaro in the ropes, and as the ref pulls him back, Kidd tags in. Jimmy winds up on the outside, where Kidd nails a kick to the face. Miz gets a phone call from his agent, and he apparently has to leave to go talk to Naomi. Commercials.
Back from the break, Uso fights out of a side headlock, but then runs into a bearhug that is turned into an overhead belly-to-belly for 1 as Jimmy gets in the ropes. Kidd tags in and applies a side headlock. As Jimmy tries to fight out, Kidd hits a spinning back kick. He goes for a legdrop on the apron, but misses. He crawls back in and tags Cesaro, who knocks Jey off the apron with a big boot. He turns around and gets hit with a back-body drop by Jimmy. Cesaro hits a running European uppercut in the corner for 2, then calls for the Cesaro Swing. He tags in Kidd, hits the Swing right into a seated dropkick from Kidd for 2 as Jey breaks it up. Kidd tosses Jey to the outside and tags in Cesaro. He hits a slingshot legdrop to the back of Jimmy’s head, and Cesaro comes off the top with a double-stomp for 2. Cesaro misses a corner charge and collides with the ring post. Jimmy crawls for the tag as Jey pulls himself up. Jimmy hits a reverse Dragon Whip, then tags in Jey, who hits a top rope cross-body. He nails several more shots, knocks Kidd of the apron, then hits a Samoan drop on Cesaro for 2. Jey beats Cesaro down in the corner before hitting a running hip attack for 2. Kidd breaks up the pin, so Jimmy tries to launch him to the floor. Kidd reverses, but Jimmy lands on his feet. He avoids a dropkick through the ropes, pulls Kidd to the floor and lays him out with a superkick. In the ring, Cesaro rolls up Jey for 2 with his feet on the ropes. Jimmy shoves Cesaro’s feet off the ropes, and as Cesaro argues with him, Jey blasts him with a superkick. Jimmy tags in, hits the Samoan Splash and gets 3.
WINNERS: THE USOS.
We see Naomi celebrating in the back, when she’s approached by Miz and Mizdow. Miz doesn’t know why her husband is mad at him. He says things aren’t going well for her in WWE, so she should try Hollywood. She knows Miz is messing with her head and trying to get to her husband before the title match, causing the Usos to lose focus. Miz says this is exactly her problem. He got a call from his agent, who wants to take Naomi’s offer off the table. Her and her husband are drama-prone, but he’s got the agents calmed down for now. She has a jealous husband problem. This isn’t about him; it’s about helping her. Associating his brand with her damaged persona could ruin him. He’s sticking his neck out for her, but she needs to get this sorted out quickly. He thinks she’s talented, and he thought she should know that.
After some commercials, we see Naomi pacing in the back. The Usos approach her, and Jimmy says he’s happy for her. She gets mad, saying he’s treating her like she’s incapable of making her own decisions. She storms off, and Jey says she may have a legitimate point. Jimmy is getting riled up, and Jey says this is exactly what Miz wanted. Jimmy needs to get his mind right, or Miz has played everyone.
We get a video package for the history between Rollins and Cena.
Bray Wyatt appears on the screen, and he says he offered Dean Ambrose the path to salvation, but he chose the road to damnation. Ambrose is just like you, and you, just like him, deserve everything you get. This is no longer about what could have been; it’s now about what must be. 2000 years from now, people will be talking about the great things Wyatt did. 2000 years from now, the children will learn about him in school. This Sunday, Ambrose’s demise is his salvation. Tables, ladders and chairs…run.
MATCH 2: WWE DIVAS CHAMPION NIKKI BELLA (W/BRIE BELLA) VS. ALICIA FOX (NON-TITLE)
AJ Lee is on commentary, cradling her new Slammy. They lock up, and Nikki applies a side headlock. Fox escapes and hits a dropkick. She leaps over Nikki, hits an armdrag and then goes into an armbar. Nikki escapes and hits a monkey flip, but Fox lands on her feet. She tries to avoid a corner charge by leaping to the top rope, but Nikki knocks her to the floor. Back in, Nikki stomps Fox down, then hits a suplex for 2. Nikki applies a modified surfboard as Fox literally squeals. Fox tries to get back to her feet, but Nikki whips her back down before hitting a release hammerlock slam for 2. Nikki goes back to the surfboard, and Fox hits the worst variation of an armdrag I’ve ever seen to escape. Fox hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one from Nikki and botches a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, apparently hurting herself in the process. Fox hits a northern lights suplex for 2 and goes for a clothesline. Nikki catches her arm and hits a facebreaker before missing a charge in the corner. Fox then misses a high kick in the corner, and Nikki drops her with a forearm. Nikki hits the Rack Attack (ugh) and gets 3.
WINNER: NIKKI BELLA.
After the match, Nikki picks Fox up and hits another Rack Attack while staring at Lee at ringside. Lee stands up and simply stares the Bellas down.
MATCH 3: BIG E (W/KOFI KINGSTON AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. GOLDUST (W/STARDUST)
We get an inset promo from Gold & Stardust. Something about blotting out the sun and darkness falling on the New Day. Goldust goes on the attack with punches. E comes back with a back elbow, but then runs into a powerslam for 2. Goldust hits an uppercut, a kick to the knee and a DDT for another 2. E comes back with a pair of clotheslines and a belly-to-belly, then goes for the Warrior Splash. Goldust pops up and catches him with a spinebuster. Goldust calls for the Final Cut, but E escapes and goes for the Big Ending. Goldust escapes and drops tot he apron. E hits him with a right and goes for his spear through the ropes. Goldust instead nails him in the head with a knee. Back in, E hits a vertical splash, waits for Goldust to get up and hits the Big Ending for 3.
WINNER: BIG E.
Wow. When was the last time E won a singles match?
MATCH 4: TITUS O’NEIL VS. JACK SWAGGER
Swagger goes right into a lock-up, and the two jockey until Swagger backs Titus into the corner. Titus shoves him away after the break, so Swagger takes him down and nails some rights. He hits a corner clothesline, gets whipped across the ring, blocks the charge and sends Titus to the floor. Outside, Swagger hits a boot from the apron, but then gets yanked shoulder-first into the ring post. Titus rolls him back in for 2, then nails a series of forearms. He yanks Swagger down by the neck, then hits a standing fall-away slam. Swagger rolls to the apron, where he hits a hotshot. Back in, Swagger ducks a clothesline but runs into a big boot. Titus rakes Swagger in the eyes and goes for the sidewinder. Swagger swings through and applies the Patriot Lock. Titus taps out.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER.
The Russian flag drops down, and Rusev & Lana walk out onto the stage. Rusev simply holds the US title over his head, rendering this part of the segment meaningless.
After a video package for the Wyatt/Ambrose feud, we cut to Ambrose in a room somwhere, sitting under a ladder. He says that, when Wyatt talks, he makes it sounds like they’re viking gods, battling in the clouds while the world burns. Ambrose isn’t a mythical warrior; he’s a gutter rat. He’s just a dog that likes to fight. That’s all this is: a fight. Truth be told, he couldn’t be having any more fun. He and Wyatt weren’t meant to rule together; they were meant to tear each other apart. No matter what happens to him, he won’t stop. Maybe he doesn’t know any better. When it’s all said and done, “the Eater of Worlds” will be swallowed, and when Ambrose has the whole world in his hands, he will crush it.
MATCH 5: DOLPH ZIGGLER, ERICK ROWAN AND RYBACK VS. INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION LUKE HARPER, CORPORATE KANE AND THE BIG SHOW
Ziggler and Kane start, with Kane applying a side headlock before nailing a shoulderblock off the ropes. Kane goes back to the headlock, gets sent into the ropes and hit with a dropkick. Ziggler hits a cross-body into some mounted punches, then tags in Rowan. Rowan nails a couple shots and hits a bodyslam. Commercials.
Back from the break, Show is legal for his team, and Rowan is clubbing him down near the ropes. Show gets kicked to the outside, and Rowan backs him into the ring post. Rowan charges in, and of course Show sidesteps him, sending him face-first into it. Show hurls Rowan onto the apron, opens the top of his jumpsuit and lands a big chop. Show traps Rowan under the bottom rope, then tags in Kane. Kane nails a series of shots in the corner, then hits a corner splash. Harper tags in and drops a quick elbow for 1 before applying a rear chinlock. Rowan gets back to his feet, but Harper floors him with an elbow. Kane tags in, misses a clothesline, and he & Rowan crash into each other in the middle. Rowan tags in Ziggler, who hits a missile dropkick. He nails a corner splash and follows up with a neckbreaker. The Shot to the Heart connects for 2, and Ziggler goes for the rocker dropper. Kane blocks it and goes for a powerbomb, but Ziggler counters into a sit-out facebuster for 2. Harper causes a distraction, which allows Kane to nail a big boot for 2. Show tags in, and we go to commercials.
WINNERS: ERICK ROWAN, RYBACK AND DOLPH ZIGGLER.
Kane brings a chair into the ring and drops Ryback with it. Outside, Rowan sends Show into the stairs. Ziggler enters the ring and drops Kane with a superkick. Rowan drags a ladder into the ring as Ryback grabs Kane’s chair and begins assaulting him with it. Rowan and Ziggler hold the ladder and run it right into Harper and Kane, sending them to the floor. Ryback and Rowan hold the ladder next to the ropes as Ziggler climbs up and wipes out the opposing team with a plancha.
End of show.