Once again, this week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown is going right into the matches. I’m okay with this. Unfortunately, JBL is back on commentary. I already miss Alex Riley. Never thought I’d ever say that.
MATCH 1: Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam
Fun fact: before RVD left WWE a few years back, his final match was against Orton, and he won. RVD applies a side headlock, and Orton counters into a drop toehold. RVD escapes a side headlock, and someone in the crowd is blowing a whistle obnoxiously. Orton applies another headlock before shouldering RVD down. They crisscross, and RVD springs up with a jumping roundhouse. Orton hits a hip throw and goes into a standing side headlock. RVD fights out, but gets dropkicked, earning Orton a 2-count. RVD jumps up with a spinning heel kick and goes for a cross-body, but Orton low-bridges him, sending him outside. Orton follows and slams him into the barricade. RVD blocks a second attempt, and an attempt into the stairs, slamming Orton face-first into them. RVD puts Orton on the barricade with a gourdbuster and hits a spinning legdrop from the apron. Commercials.
Back from the break, Orton is in control, dropping a knee on RVD. He follows up with a jumping kneedrop, then throws RVD to the corner for some mounted punches. He hits all ten, then whips RVD across the ring. RVD blocks the charge and goes up top, but Orton shoves him down to the barricade outside. Orton rolls outside and back suplexes RVD onto the barricade. Back in the ring, Orton goes for a cover, getting 2. Orton applies a rear chinlock, and RVD fights out with punches. He hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one from Orton and hits a superkick. Front powerslam connects, and RVD follows up with the split-legged moonsault for 2. RVD goes up top once more and hits a somersault plancha for 2. Haven’t seen that move done in the ring in a long time. rVD goes for a rolling monkey flip, but Orton avoids it and hits a suspended 3.0. RVD’s selling of that move made it look damn good. Orton goes for a pin, getting 2. Orton hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one and hits a powerslam for 2. He throws RVD to the outside for the Fourth Move of Boredom, the suspended DDT. However, RVD counters into a northern lights suplex for 2. Orton backdrops RVD back to the outside. RVD lands on his feet and goes for a springboard, but Orton meets him with a dropkick. Orton pulls RVD back in, connecting with a stiff suspended DDT. He signals for the RKO, but RVD blocks it with a high kick. He hits a rolling bodyscissors for 2, then blocks a kick with a step-over spinning heel kick. Rolling Thunder connects, and RVD goes up for the Five-Star, which misses. Orton gets to his feet and hits the RKO for 3.
WINNER: Randy Orton. Anyone else notice that RVD has lost most of his matches since returning? On the replay, I notice that RVD took the RKO really well. Not a big fan of the guy, but you can’t deny he knows how to sell a move.
Later tonight, Christian meets Alberto Del Rio in a Summerslam preview. We also get another episode of MizTV. Don’t ask me why, because there is no answer to that question.
Ziggler comes out on this note. He tells AJ to face it: women just can’t get over him, including her. AJ says he’s not over her because men don’t get over her. They had something special, and Ziggler is so sad because he’ll never be able to touch her again. Kaitlyn’s music hits, and she comes out. She says Ziggler can’t touch AJ, but she can. AJ cost her the title, she cost Ziggler his title. What else does she want? Why is AJ so obsessed with them. Ziggler says no one cares about AJ anymore, and the four begin arguing. Miz interrupts. He sees what’s going on, and since he’s the host of Summerslam, that somehow means he can create a match for the show. So, this is what will happen: AJ Lee and Big E. Langston vs. Kaitlyn and Dolph Ziggler. Kaitlyn says she will slap the crazy off of AJ’s face. AJ tackles Kaitlyn over a couch, and Langston knocks Ziggler down. As Langston pulls Kaitlyn off AJ, Ziggler hits him with the Zig-Zag. Kaitlyn follows by spearing AJ. Ziggler and Kaitlyn smile at each other.
Later tonight, Brock Lesnar will make a rare SD appearance.
Alberto Del Rio is in Vickie Guerrero’s office, complaining about his match tonight. Vickie says she doesn’t answer to him. She gave him an opportunity to choose an opponent at Summerslam, and he disrespected her. What he did to Ricardo Rodriguez was despicable, as was what he did to Christian last week. ADR says if he gets hurt, he might not be able to compete at Summerslam. Vickie says she’s willing to take that risk.
MATCH 2: Fandango (w/Summer Rae) vs. Kofi Kingston
Remember how Fandango started out so hot with a win over Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania? Compare that to just a few months later (now), where he’s pretty much a glorified jobber. Kofi ducks a clothesline and applies a waistlock. Fandango elbows out and hits a right. Kofi blocks another and hits a series of kicks before Fandango shoulders him off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a spinning back elbow by Kofi, and he follows up with some kicks in the corner, followed by a jumping clothesline. Fandango avoids TIP and backdrops Kofi to the floor. Outside, Fandango hits a snap suplex before rolling Kofi back in for 2. He forearms Kofi in the face, then hits a running back elbow off the ropes for 2. Fandango applies a rear chinlock, and Kofi elbows out. Fandango forearms him and goes for a back suplex, but Kofi blocks it. On the second attempt, Kofi counters into a cross-body for 2. He avoids a corner charge, causing Fandango to go shoulder-first into the ring post. Kofi hits a pair of chops and a dropkick before connecting with a jumping clothesline. He goes for the Boom Drop, but Fandango rolls to the floor. Kofi kicks him through the ropes, then goes to the top rope as Summer Rae checks on Fandango. Kofi jumps down when he sees her, and they begin arguing as Kofi is on the apron. He says, “screw it” and jumps. Rae ducks, and Kofi connects with a clothesline on Fandango. Rae acts like she hurt her ankle, which allows Fandango to throw Kofi into the ring post. Back in the ring, Fandango goes up top for the guillotine legdrop, which is good enough for 3.
WINNER: Fandango, who gets his first win in seemingly months.
Renee Young stops Daniel Bryan in the back, asking about the corporate makeover on Monday night. Bryan says he likes the way he looks. When asked to cut the beard, that was his breaking point, and he decided to give Wade Barrett a new look instead. Now, despite what John Cena says, he never changed himself to get to the WWE. What he will change, however, is history, when he beats Cena for the WWE title at Summerslam. And with all apologies to Vince McMahon, the beard is still here.
MATCH 3: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett
Barrett comes out, sans beard. He is also carrying a pair of clippers in his hand. They immediately trade punches, with Barrett getting the best of the exchange. Bryan backflips out of a corner whip, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. Bryan starts hitting the Yes! Kicks before Barrett clotheslines him to the floor. Outside, Barrett rams Bryan back-first into the barricade, then whips him into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Barrett covers Bryan for 2. Barrett chokes Bryan over the middle rope, then sets him up between the ropes for some kneelifts, followed by a running boot that drops Bryan to the apron. Barrett drags him back in for a 2-count, then applies a modified surfboard. Bryan fights out, then drop toe-holds Barrett into the turnbuckles. He goes for a charge but gets caught in the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett goes to the outside and grabs his clippers from the announce desk as Bryan is laying on the apron. Bryan fights Barrett off, kicking him to the floor. He follows up with a running knee straight to the face from the apron. Back in the ring, Bryan goes up top for the Flying Goat, which connects. He immediately applies the Yes! Lock, and Barrett taps.
WINNER: Daniel Bryan. Fun-but-short match. Bryan then grabs the clippers and breaks them by stomping them against the ring steps.
Renee Young is in the back with Damien Sandow. She shows footage of Cody Rhodes throwing the MITB briefcase into the Gulf of Mexico. Young continues the interview, but Sandow more or less tells her to shut up. He lists off his problems with Rhodes, and he now has a solution to the briefcase problem. He brings up the “Sandowized” briefcase, which is brown leather. Inside is a brand-new contract, a contract Alberto Del Rio will know in the near future when he becomes the new World Champion and the champion of the unwashed masses. You’re welcome.
We get a video package for 3MB for who the hell knows what reason. This is followed by a video package for the Wyatt Family’s feud with Kane, which actually makes sense, unlike the 3MB video.
MATCH 4-3-on-1 Handicap Match: Kane vs. 3MB (Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater)
I guess this match is why those two videos were back-to-back. Still, 3MB doesn’t deserve that kind of attention. Kane immediately assaults all three men until Drew drops him with a kick. Drew and Mahal hold Kane up as Slater fires off some punches. He runs into a boot, and Kane fights off the other two, sending them to the floor. Slater soon follows, and Kane heads outside to continue the attack, slamming Mahal into the announce desk. Slater gets slammed into the apron, and Drew gets whipped into the ring steps. Kane launches Slater over the announce desk as Mahal gets back in the ring. Kane climbs back in, drops Mahal with a chokeslam and gets 3.
WINNER: Kane. The lights go out, and a spotlight shines on Kane. We hear Bray Wyatt and see him (and the rest of the Wyatt Family) on TitanTron. He says the Ring of Fire is meant to cater to a man who calls himself “The Devil’s Favorite Demon”. Wyatt likes that idea, but he doesn’t think Kane understands what’s truly going on here. Does Kane think a simple fire can control the souls of his brothers? They are everywhere, and sooner or later, the fire that Kane calls his own will rise up against him and turn the tables. The fire fuels Wyatt, because it’s smart enough to understand it can never hurt him. Want to hear a secret, Kane? Wyatt is already dead. Kane then lights his pyro after Wyatt chuckles. Excellent promo by Wyatt, as you would expect. BTW, in case you were wondering, Michael Cole explained how a Ring of Fire Match works during the previous match. It’s exactly the same as an Inferno Match, but with a different name.
We get a pre-taped interview with Brock Lesnar. Lesnar says he is not just Paul Heyman’s muscle. This is personal. He doesn’t like CM Punk. He thinks Punk is a joke, and the only reason he has existed out of respect for Paul. The corporate idiots are calling this match “The Beast vs. The Best”, and “The Beast” is the best. Just because Punk takes beginner’s MMA classes at his local gym, he thinks he’s a tough guy. He’s not. He’s not jealous of Punk. Punk wasn’t an NCAA champion or a UFC champion. He was the Undisputed Champion when Punk was wrestling in front of 100 people in gyms. Holding the WWE title for 434 days is impressive, especially for a guy like Punk. However, Punk has never faced a guy like Lesnar, because there is no one like Lesnar. Size does matter. At Summerslam, Punk will learn what it means to be victimized by Lesnar.
MATCH 5: Christian vs. World Champion Alberto Del Rio (non-title)
So, the only thing that might have made ADR tolerable, that being Ricardo Rodriguez, has been taken away as a result of ADR turning on him this past Monday night. That means fans have absolutely no reason to care about ADR anymore, and based on crowd reaction, most fans seem to agree with me. ADR has “Jarrett Heat”, which means fans only boo him because they feel obligated. Basically, it comes down to, “Well, I’ve been told I’m supposed to boo this guy. I guess I should, but I don’t really care.” The match starts with ADR clubbing Christian down before applying a side headlock. Christian eventually fights out, but gets shouldered off the ropes for 1. ADR boots Christian, then headbutts him down. The two go into a crisscross, and it ends with a trio of shoulderblocks by Christian for 2. Christian hits a hip throw and holds onto the side headlock until ADR gets to his feet and rams Christian into the corner. He follows up with a snapmare and hits a kick to the spine. A thrust kick to the gut connects, but Christian recovers and throws ADR to the floor as the fans chant “J-B-L!” for some reason. Christian dropkicks ADR through the ropes, sending him into the announce desk. Commercials.
Before we go back to the match, we get a video for Damien Sandow.
Back from the break, Christian is assaulting ADR in the corner with punches. He hits 10 mounted punches, then goes for a tornado DDT from the middle rope. ADR throws him off and hits a double stomp to the back for 2. ADR throws Christian to the corner, avoids Christian trying to block the charge by sliding to the floor, and goes to wrap Christian’s leg around the post after tripping him. Christian kicks him off, then climbs to the top rope, where he misses a dive and goes face-first into the barricade. ADR stomps Christian down, then throws Christian back in the ring for 2. ADR applies a rear chinlock, and Christian fights out with punches to the gut. He blocks a back body drop but runs right into a pancake. ADR lands a boot to the side of the head, and Christian rolls to the apron, hanging off the side. ADR heads outside and goes for a running boot, but Christian avoids it by rolling back into the ring. ADR climbs back in and kicks Christian in the back before setting him up in the tree of woe. He kicks Christian in the gut, knocking him back down. He slaps Christian before getting him back to his feet. Christian recovers and hits a couple of rights before climbing to the top rope. ADR cuts him off from the apron and climbs up as well. He goes for a top rope superplex to the floor, but Christian fights him off, and they both wind up falling to the floor. Commercials.
WINNER: Christian. ADR screams at the referee after the match, then throws a fit at ringside. The problem with ADR throwing these tantrums is he always forgets he’s not supposed to smile. ADR gets back in the ring as Christian is getting up. He goes to attack Christian, but Christian sees it coming and hits a Killswitch.
Damien Sandow’s music this as ADR is laid out. He’s carrying the briefcase and has a referee with him. He begins to hand over the case, but Cody Rhodes comes out of nowhere and attacks Sandow before hitting him with Cross Rhodes. The bell never rang, so Sandow still has the case.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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