This week WWE SmackDown once again opens up with Seth Rollins. He tells the crowd to calm down, and everyone needs to take a moment to recognize what is happening right before our eyes. He knows we all live fast-paced lives, but if we don’t soak it in, we’re taking life for granted. Something this special doesn’t come along every day, month or year. There aren’t words to describe the greatness everyone is apart of. Babe Ruth was the greatest of all time. This would be like if he hit 1000 more home runs. Or, if Michael Jordan won 20 MVPs. This is genius on the level not even the Rolling Stones or the Beatles could dream of. This is unparalleled greatness. This is…Seth Rollins. This is YOUR WWE World Champion at the top of his game. Look at the last few weeks of his life. On RAW, he tamed “The Viper” Randy Orton. He even escaped an MITB cash-in by Sheamus. Last week, he brought “The Man That Gravity Forgot” Neville back down to earth. And let’s not forget the creme de la creme: he turned John Cena’s face into surrealist art when he shattered Cena’s nose into a million pieces. One day, your grandchildren will ask what the greatest accomplishment in your life was, and everyone will tell the kids they saw Rollins in his prime. The craziest part of this is there are still some people who refuse to believe the future is now. People like Cena. He still doesn’t get it. Let’s take a look at what Cena had to say on “Tough Enough” earlier this week. We go to the clip, and I’m not recapping that hideous show. Back to the arena, Rollins says Cena has accepted the challenge and will face him at Summerslam, title-for-title, winner-take-all. Cena accepted the challenge on the show, but had Daniel Bryan accept for him. Cena is a coward, and if he’s half the man he thinks he is, Rollins has one more challenge for him. Rollins dares Cena to come to RAW this week and answer him face-to-face. At Summerslam, Cena will realize what everyone else has figured out: when you mess with greatness like this, you will fail. Brock Lesnar failed. Neville failed. Orton failed. Dean Ambrose failed. Every single…
Neville interrupts and marches down to the ring. Rollins cracks wise and says no one rang for a superhero. Neville says no one called for a superhero, but he’s out here because it apparently takes one to shut Rollins up. He’s been listening tonight, and he’s disappointed Rollins left out some details. For example, although Rollins broke Cena’s nose, Cena still won the match. Or how about if it weren’t for Orton, the new champion would be Sheamus. Or best of all, how about little ol’ Neville? When he hit the Red Arrow, Rollins couldn’t kick out. Rollins says Neville isn’t a superhero; he’s more like a Mouseketeer with a Napoleon complex. That phrase is really stupid, since Napoleon was of average height by not only his time period’s standards, but by today’s standards as well (he was 5’7″). Anyway, Rollins says Neville had his opportunity to shut Rollins up, and he failed just like everyone else. So, Neville can twist around, run off and get the hell out of the ring. Neville tells him he talks too much. Rollins just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on…
Now Cesaro is joining the party. He says Neville is right in that Rollins just keeps going on and on and on and on and on…The WWE Universe knows it’s true, and the “Cesaro Section” is sick…Before he can continue, Kevin Owens blindsides him out of nowhere. In the ring, Rollins does the same to Neville. Owens throws Cesaro into the ring steps while Rollins powerbombs Neville into the buckles, then stomps him in the back while talking more trash. I’m betting on a tag team match later now.
Roman Reigns will face Luke Harper later tonight, Charlotte vs. Naomi is next.
Naomi slaps Charlotte before Charlotte chases her through the ropes. Naomi comes back in with a kick before getting hit with a Thesz press and some mounted punches. The two crisscross before Charlotte hits a knee to the gut. A punch sends Naomi to the floor. Charlotte tries to pull her back in, but gets tripped on the apron. On the floor, Naomi hits a step-up enziguri. Commercials.
Back from the break, Naomi has Charlotte in a rear chinlock. Charlotte tries to break free, so Naomi pelts her with forearms. She drives her knees into Charlotte’s shoulders for 2, then applies a half-nelson with a chinlock. Charlotte gets back to her feet and tries to break free, so Naomi pulls her back with a handful of hair before bulldogging her into the middle buckle. She kicks Charlotte in the ribs, then lands a dropkick before hitting a suicide legdrop for 2. Naomi goes back to the half-nelson/chinlock combo, which Charlotte breaks with a gut shot. Naomi knees her in the gut and goes for the corner bulldog again. Charlotte escapes before eating a kick to the face. In the corner, Charlotte comes back with a big boot. She ducks a clothesline and lands a couple knife-edges before hitting a modified neckbreaker and a spear for 2. Naomi blocks a corner charge, but then gets backdropped to the floor, on top of her Team BAD teammates. Charlotte rolls her back in, goes for a double-leg and locks in the Figure-8 for the submission win.
Lo and behold, the main event for tonight is now Cesaro and Nevill vs. Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins.
Ryback comes out, and says “The Big Guy” is back. He feels great, better than ever, and he’s back in the ring where he belongs. A few months ago at Elimination Chamber, he won the IC title. It was the proudest moment of his career. That one night made everything worth it. Just when things were going his way, this happened. We see a still on the TitanTron of Ryback’s legs, with the right deformed and swollen. Ryback says that is staph infection, which can be deadly. It took him off his feet, but made a mistake when it didn’t finish him. He pulled himself up, gave the infection a Meat Hook, a Shell Shocked, then trailblazed his big ass right to Portland (the location of tonight’s episode). While he was home, he saw a lot of people say the IC title was cursed. He had to listen to the Big Show and the Miz say he should forfeit the belt. When he started to second-guess himself, he saw tons of fan support on social media, which inspired him. He’s back, hungrier than ever, and at Summerslam, he’s going to defend what is rightfully his. Show and Miz better wake up, because at Summerslam, it’s feeding time.
The Wyatt Family appears on the TitanTron. Portland. We’re here.
Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper come out. Harper says they try to tell you all human beings are inherently evil. Something has to happen, and when it does, it flips like a switch. But Harper, he’s a little different. He was born holding the devil’s hand. What’s your excuse? Wyatt says he once was blind, but Wyatt gave him sight. And tonight, his eyes are set on Reigns. At Summerslam, it will be family vs. family. He will bring his brother, and Reigns better make sure he brings his lunatic, because this is a moment they have been waiting for since…
Dean Ambrose comes out and says he doesn’t have anything to say. He just wants to watch Reigns do what they do, which is talk with their fists.
MATCH 2: LUKE HARPER (W/BRAY WYATT) VS. ROMAN REIGNS (W/DEAN AMBROSE)
Reigns immediately slugs away at Harper. Harper comes back with a boot before Reigns ducks a clothesline and hits a leaping one. He clotheslines Harper to the floor as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Harper nails Reigns with a pair of uppercuts. He rakes Reigns’ face in the corner, then goes for another punch. Reigns blocks and hits Harper with a modified back suplex. He goes for it again, but Harper fights his way before catching Reigns with a Michinoku driver #2 for a 2-count. Harper stands on Reigns near the ropes, then does it again from the apron. Back in the ring, Harper lands another uppercut, followed by a European. Harper catapults Reigns under the second rope for 2, then applies a rear chinlock. He then locks in the Gator Roll before going back to the chinlock. Reigns breaks free, but then eats an uppercut. He avoids a knee in the corner, causing Harper to collide with the buckles and fall to the floor. He’s back in quickly, and Reigns sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. Harper recovers, and the two trade shots. Harper hits a thrust kick to the gut before Reigns comes back with a pair of clotheslines. He catches another one in the corner, runs into an elbow and comes back with an uppercut. Harper surprises him with a dropkick off the ropes, sending Reigns to the floor. Harper heads out as well, but Reigns meets him with another uppercut. Reigns then drops him with a back suplex onto the apron before hitting the Fly-By. Wyatt tries to get in Reigns’ face as he rolls Harper back in, but Ambrose puts a stop to that. Reigns heads back in before Wyatt jumps on the apron. Ambrose takes him out as Reigns rolls Harper up for 2. He goes for a Samoan drop, Harper tries to break free with elbows, but gets dropped in the move anyway. Outside, Wyatt drops Ambrose across the barricade with a standing uranage. Harper and Reigns trade more shots, with Reigns getting the better of the exchange. He stomps Harper down until the ref pulls him off, which allows Harper to land a big superkick for 2. Harper sets Reigns up for the sit-out powerbomb, which Reigns counters with a back-body drop. He then nails the Superman Punch and gets 2, only for Wyatt to break up the pin and cause the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: ROMAN REIGNS.
Ambrose charges the ring and tackles Wyatt, pelting him with fists before Harper gets involved. Ambrose drops Harper with a clothesline and tees off on him as well. Wyatt nails Ambrose with an uppercut, which leads to a rebound clothesline by Ambrose. Harper then charges at Ambrose, but gets low-bridged. Wyatt joins Harper at ringside, where they’re both wiped out with a suicide dive. Wyatt recovers and slams Ambrose face-first into the announce desk. The Wyatts double-team him until Reigns flies off the step with a clotehsline. He tosses Wyatt into the crowd, then he and Ambrose do the same to Harper.
Rip Thomas is standing by with Sheamus. He mentions Sheamus nearly cashing in his MITB contract. We go to the footage, which ended with Sheamus being hit with an RKO by Randy Orton before the bell could ring. Back to Sheamus, he cuts Thomas off and says he’s in no mood for the questions. The WWE Universe is sick of the same old things. Seth Rollins keeps telling everyone how tough he is, and Orton hitting RKOs “outta nowhere”. The WWE Universe deserves and demands to be entertained. On RAW, he was about to give them what they crave: a brighter future, a worthy champion. But, Orton ruined his moment. As champion, Sheamus would have ushered in a new era in WWE, an era of real men, of warriors. But Orton knew he couldn’t survive in that future, so he stopped it like some sort of Terminator movie. Is that it, Orton? You want to be the Terminator? Well, on RAW, Sheamus will be back. He’ll be back to Brogue Kick hole through Orton’s chest, and he’ll be back to do it again. And again. And again until Orton is reduced to dirt and erased from existence. Then it’ll be just Sheamus and Rollins. A brighter future is just a Brogue Kick away. It is what it is.
MATCH 3: BIG E AND XAVIER WOODS (W/KOFI KINGSTON) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE PRIME-TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEIL AND DARREN YOUNG) (NON-TITLE)
We get an inset promo from the PTP where they weigh in all three of their opponents at Summerslam-the New Day, the Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores. Apparently, they’re big like an afro. Woods and Titus start, with Titus hitting a shoulder off the ropes. Woods escapes a powerslam and tags in E, who clubs Titus in the gut. Titus responds with another shoulder and a clothesline before tossing E across the ring. He follows up with an avalanche before E tosses him to the floor. With the ref distracted, Kofi kicks Titus in the face. E rolls Titus in after tagging Woods, and they do their stomping bit. It ends with Woods tagging back in, and E sends him in for a low dropkick in the corner. Commercials.
Back from the break, E has Titus in an abdominal stretch. Titus tries to break free with elbows, so E starts nailing him in the gut. He hits a running shoulder in the corner, then charges in again, only to have Titus explode out of the corner with a clothesline. Titus kicks E away and tags into Young as Woods also tags in. Young hits some clotheslines and some jabs before catching Woods with an overhead belly-to-belly off the ropes. He nails a rolling elbow, sending Woods to the apron, where he’s hit with a back suplex across the apron. Kofi charges at Young at ringside, only to receive a back-body drop. Young heads back in and chops Woods in the corner. Woods reverses a corner whip, charges in, gets backdropped to the apron, hits a shoulder through the ropes and goes for a tornado DDT through the ropes. Young blocks it and hits a northern lights suplex. Instead of holding the pin, Young rolls through and hoists Woods up for the Gut Check. E gets on the apron and yanks Woods to the floor, saving him from the move. The New Day start to leave the match, but Los Matadores and El Torito come out onto the stage. They are joined by the Lucha Dragons as well. As the New Day are focusing on the other teams, the PTP nail Kofi and E from behind, leaving Woods alone. He turns around and tries to back off. Titus grabs him by the hair and throws him into the ring, right into the Gut Check from Young, which gets 3.
WINNERS: THE PRIME-TIME PLAYERS.
Los Matadores and the Lucha Dragons enter the ring and surround the PTP, but no further confrontations occur.
I love that, when announcing the judges for Tough Enough, the Miz is announced as “Former WWE Champion”, but Daniel Bryan, despite being a 3-time World Champion, gets nothing.
Rollins and Cesaro start with Rollins ducking a clothesline before being caught with a northern lights bomb that Cesaro turns into a delayed vertical. Owens tries to run in, but is cut off by Neville. Meanwhile, Cesaro just continues to hold Rollins upside-down while the respective partners fight. He finally drops Rollins after Neville boots Owens to the floor. Neville then hits Rollins with a standing SSP before Cesaro clotheslines him to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Owens and Neville are legal, and Owens hits a snapmare, which he then turns into a rear chinlock. Neville fights out of the hold, but then gets spiked with a DDT for 2. Owens hits a forearm, then tags in Rollins, who clubs Neville in the back. Neville gets bodyslammed, and Rollins follows up with a jumping knee for 2. Rollins applies a rear chinlock, which Neville counters with a jawbreaker. He crawls for the tag, but Rollins cuts him off and whips him hard into the corner. Owens tags in and kicks Neville in the back, then drops him with a short-arm for 2. Owens goes back to the rear chinlock. Neville fights out with punches before he’s shoved to the corner. Neville catches an incoming Owens with a big boot. Rollins tries to interfere, but gets tossed to the floor. He lands on his feet and yanks Cesaro off the apron just as Neville is about to tag. Owens gets back up and nails Neville with a cannonball for 2 as Cesaro breaks it up with a headbutt. Owens shoves Cesaro back to the floor. He goes back to Neville, who rolls him up for 2. Owens drops him with a clothesline, then misses a running senton. Rollins tags in and cuts Neville off with a back suplex. Neville lands on his feet, forearms Rollins and goes for the tag. Rollins corner-whips him, but Neville dives over Rollins’ back and flips across the ring for the tag to Cesaro. Cesaro catches Rollins with an overhead belly-to-belly, then boots Owens to the floor. he hits his series of corner Europeans, then presses Rollins over his head and tosses him to the floor. Owens moves out of the way instead of catching his partner, then checks on Rollins a second later. He sees Cesaro coming out for a suicide dive and shoves Rollins into the move while backing away. Neville then wipes Owens out with a twisting plancha. Cesaro blasts Rollins with a European uppercut that sends him flying over the announce desk, then rolls him back in and hits a top-rope cross-body for 2. Owens hits the ring, but Cesaro throws him right back out. Rollins pops up with a Ghetto Blaster, then looks for the turnbuckle powerbomb, which connects. Rollins sets up the Pedigree, but Cesaro counters with a back-body drop. Rollins hangs on and catches a sunset flip for 2, only to have Cesaro spin around and turn it into a Sharpshooter. Rollins crawls for the bottom rope, so Cesaro pulls him back to the center. He breaks the hold when he sees Owens coming, trips Owens, looking for the Cesaro Swing. As Owens fights it, Rollins sneaks in and rolls Cesaro up with a handful of tights for 3.
WINNERS: KEVIN OWENS AND SETH ROLLINS.
Owens stomps Cesaro down after the match, then boots Neville as well. Cesaro recovers, tackles Owens and pelts him with rights. He then ducks a clothesline, powers Owens up into an inverted fireman’s carry and turns it into a front powerbomb. Neville then heads up top and comes off with the Red Arrow.
END OF SHOW.