The show opens with Daniel Bryan in the ring, and he says last week was one of his career highlights, when he climbed a ladder in front of 76,000 people and won the IC title at Wrestlemania. But a title only means as much as the actions of the holder, and that goes for any title, including his. So how does he make the IC title mean even more? By defending it with everything he has against anyone who wants to fight for the belt. And he did that the night after WM when he defended it against Dolph Ziggler. But after that match, who should come out? Sheamus. Sheamus came out, looking all stupid. He didn’t congratulate Bryan or even challenge for the title; instead, he kicked Bryan in the face. He then did it even worse to Ziggler, to the point that Ziggler couldn’t compete on the last two shows. So, what did Bryan do? He fought Sheamus last week. During that match, he got knocked to the floor, and he looked up, with blood on his forehead, and he saw Wade Barrett (Yes, Bryan called him Wade). In the middle of all that, what happens?
Bad News Barrett interrupts and says what happened was Bryan’s magical week turned into a nightmare when BNB dropped him with a Bull Hammer.
Sheamus joins BNB on the stage, and says he then kicked Bryan’s head off with a Brogue Kick as a reminder not to pick on someone who’s not your own size. The reason he tolerates BNB is because he’s not a munchkin like Bryan. When he determined how much he detests “undersized insects”, he decided that he and BNB should come down there and give Bryan a European-style arse kicking, because they can. The two head to the ring as Bryan takes off his belt and prepares to fight. Ziggler comes out with a mic and says Sheamus talks a big game for a guy who looks like Captain Jack Sparrow and Carrot Top had a baby that no one liked. And for BNB, maybe the reason he’s so tall is because he and Sheamus’ heads are so far up each other’s arses. They want to fight, let’s do it right now.
Ziggler joins Bryan in the ring and prepares to fight, when the Big Show comes out. I swear, Show is like that kid in high school that just leeched onto other people and whatever they were doing, like “Hey, guys! Me too! I like this stuff, too!” He is just a huge waste of space. Anyway, he says he and Sheamus don’t see eye-to-eye, but he has to agree that he’s sick of these little pipsqueaks whining and complaining all the time. He’s the winner of the Andre battle royal, which means he eclipsed Andre the Giant in history, which means he’s the greatest giant to ever set foot in this business. Ugh. Now, if Sheamus and Mr. Barrett are going to come out here and beat up these munchkins without him, they’re sadly mistaken. All three heels step into the ring, and that’s when Roman Reigns marches down through the crowd. Show tells Reigns not to step into the ring, so Reigns climbs in and immediately tackles him, which then leads to Ziggler tackling Sheamus while Bryan starts nailing BNB with punches. The faces clear the ring, and I’m guessing we’ll get a 6-man later.
“MizTV” is back with a special edition tonight. Also, Neville makes his Smackdown debut.
We get confirmation of the aforementioned 6-man.
Cesaro and Tyson Kidd are in the ring, waiting for their opponents, which will be two members of the New Day. Wow. The crowd here in Dallas,TX immediately starts sh*tting on the New Day once their music hit. As they come down to the ring, Big E tries to start getting a New Day chant going, but instead gets a response of “Sucks!” every time. Xavier Woods looks confused, and E says they come out, clapping for the fans, and they want to chant that New Day sucks. Right now, he wants every fan to stand up and clap. Instead, we get a “New Day sucks!” chant. We may be seeing the first time Kofi Kingston ever goes heel in his career. E says they’re out here bringing positivity to everyone, and the people want to ruin their New Day? Something has got to change. E rolls into the ring and says the fans have got to like them. You’ve got to love them, because they’re here for you. They’re here for a New Day!
You know, I kind of like the fact that the New Day are acknowledging that the fans are supposed to like them but don’t. Kind of breaking the fourth wall a bit there. Kofi and Kidd start the match as a “New Day sucks” chant breaks out. Kofi goes for a waistlock, which Kidd counters. Kofi coutners that as well, only to have Kidd counter and trip Kofi. Kofi goes into a headscissors, but Kidd gets a rope break. Kidd boots Kofi, then nails him with forearms in the corner before hitting a monkey flip. Kofi lands on his feet and ducks a clothesline on the apron from Cesaro. Kidd clubs him from behind and pulls him to the heel corner for a tag. Cesaro comes in and drops him with a European uppercut. My feed cuts away, and when it comes back, E and Kidd are legal, with both men down. Kidd tags out first, and Cesaro prevents E from tagging out with a deadlift gutwrench for 2. Cesaro rakes at E’s face before hitting a series of crossface shots and applying a rear chinlock. Kidd tags back in and kicks E in the chest before driving his foot into E’s face. E rolls under the bottom rope, where Kidd hits him with a slingshot legdrop. Cesaro back in, and he hits a slingshot double-stomp for 2. Cesaro applies a front chancery, putting himself between E and Kofi. E tosses him off, but Cesaro lands on his feet, knocks Kofi off the apron with a back elbow, then avoids a corner charge, sending E shoulder-first into the ring post. Cesaro rolls him up in a schoolboy for 2, then hits the Cesaro Swing as Kofi tries to interfere, only to have the ref cut him off. Cesaro gets 2 before Kofi breaks up the pin. E pulls himself up in the corner and hits Cesaro with a uranage. Kofi and Kidd tag in, with Kofi hitting a springboard clothesline, a couple chops and a dropkick. He hits a jumping clothesline and then hits a Boom Drop. He calls for TIP as the crowd dumps all over him. Cesaro comes in, but Kofi stops him before E reenters the ring. The ref shoves him back to the corner, and as Kofi turns back to Kidd, Kidd catapults him into the ropes, where Cesaro blasts him with a European uppercut from the floor through the top and middle ropes. Kidd puts Kofi down with Just Kidding and gets 3.
WINNERS: CESARO AND TYSON KIDD.
After some commercials, we’re back with Curtis Axel in the ring. He says not to change the channel. Two weeks ago on RAW, the road to Axetreme Rules hit a small speedbump named Neville. But you know what, Axelmaniacs? Axelmania will live forever. That’s why he asked for this rematch tonight. So, Neville, whatcha gonna do when Axelmania runs wild on you?
MATCH 2: CURTIS AXEL VS. NEVILLE
So glad Neville is on the main roster now. I was worried he wouldn’t get the call-up due to his size, and I’m glad I was wrong. An “NXT” chant breaks out as the two lock up. Neville backs Axel into the corner, only for Axel to grab him by the hair and throw him into the ropes. Neville handsprings off, then does a backflip and hits a pair of armdrags before putting Axel down with a spinning back kick. Axel comes back with a knee to the gut, then throws Neville to the corner for some stomps. He grinds his forearm into Neville’s face, then goes for a corner whip. Neville avoids contact, then flips himself across the ring, where he hits Axel with a pair of boots in the opposite corner. Neville goes to the apron, shoulders Axel in the gut, flips over him, then lays in a flying forearm. Neville kicks Axel to the floor, then hits a twisting suicide dive. Back in the ring, Neville hits a bodyslam and heads up top. He hits the Red Arrow and gets 3.
God. How the hell does he do that move?
Renee Young, looking like she’s wearing a Joker mask, is standing by with Natalya, Cameron and Alicia Fox. One of these things is not like the other. Young says they maybe manipulated Kane into making a divas battle royal next week. Do they think they cheated Naomi (which young pronounces Ny-Oh-Me) out of her number-one contendership. Fox says no one cheated anyone out of anything; they were just trying to show Kane how important #GiveDivasAChance really is. Natalya says Naomi has earned her title match. Cameron laughs and tells Nattie to save it. She’s just happy she has a chance at the divas title as well, but that won’t happen. Come Monday, Cameron is going to win. Fox argues with her and calls herself a veteran, which makes me choke on my own bile. Nattie apparently feels the same way, and says Fox needs to show respect to the divas that came before her. They start shoving each other, as Cameron tries to break it up.
MATCH 3: ALICIA FOX VS. NATALYA (SPECIAL REFEREE: CAMERON)
Nattie hits a double-leg and starts pelting Fox with rights. Fox reverses and gets Nattie to the ropes, only to have Nattie roll to the apron. Nattie gets back to her feet in the ring, and now we get a shoving match. Now they trade slaps. Fox dives at Nattie, only for Nattie to catch her and take her down. They roll around into the ropes again, and Nattie once again ends up on the outside. Back in, Fox hits her with a forearm, then misses a flipping legdrop. Nattie runs over her neck and hits her with a seated dropkick for 2. Fox reverses a corner whip and hits a big boot. Nattie slumps in the corner, and Fox snaps her onto her back for 2. Fox hits a northern lights suplex for 2, aka one of the whole four moves she knows. Fox applies a rear chinlock. Nattie tries to elbow out, so Fox snaps her down by the hair for 2. Fox then goes right back to the rear chinlock. Cameron hasn’t shut the f*ck up this entire match, and she’s not even miked. Nattie elbows her way out, ducks a clothesline, then counters a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker into a cross-body. Fox is back up, and she hits a running clothesline. The two trade forearms until Fox hits a sunset flip out of the corner. Nattie rolls through and locks in the Sharpshooter, and Fox taps out.
After the match, Cameron lays both women out with DDTs, then calls for a mirror. Why does she have a job again?
We get a video package for Erick Rowan, because we’re apparently still supposed to give a damn about him, for reasons that have yet to be explained.
Bray Wyatt comes out, and says he remembers the first time he saw Erick Rowan. He was lost, cast out by a society that could never understand him. They looked at him as if he were some monster, some creature, some plague that could destroy everything this society considers real. But they were wrong, and when they saw all of his flaws, Wyatt saw his possibilities. He took Rowan in. He found him dirty, laying in the mud, and he became the teacher. He showed him what it was liked to be loved, what it was like to have a family, and there was a time Wyatt was proud to call Rowan a brother. He fixed Rowan like you would fix a broken toy. When the time was right, he had no choice. He had to set Rowan free. He had to show Rowan what a cruel, horrible, rotten world they live in, so he could see with his own eyes this was filled with carnivorous insects who want nothing more than to rip you apart because evil is real, and evil is all around us. Evil lives in every single one of you. And what did you do? You returned Rowan back to Wyatt, and he is broken just like he was before, and it’s everyone’s fault. So, he decided tonight would be special, because he wants to teach Rowan one last little lesson. He wants to show Rowan that you can trust no one, that evil inside of us all, and there’s no escaping it. So tonight, he’ll finally destroy Rowan. Now imagine if he could do that to someone he loved, someone he used to call his brother, just imagine what he could do to you. Behold, the new face of fear.
MATCH 4: BRAY WYATT VS. ERICK ROWAN
Rowan comes out, and the crowd goes mild. Wyatt clubs Rowan across the back, so Rowan throws him to the corner. He misses a splash, and Wyatt goes on the attack with punches. Rowan comes back with his own strikes before ramming Wyatt head-first into the buckles. He knocks Wyatt to the floor with a Pounce, only to have Wyatt come back in and lay in some more punches. He pulls Rowan up by the beard, which Rowan doesn’t like. Rowan lays in some headbutts in the corner, then misses a corner charge, hitting the post and falling to the apron. Wyatt sends him into the barricade with a seated dropkick as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Wyatt has Rowan in a rear chinlock. Rowan fights out, only to get dropped with a DDT for 2. Wyatt goes for a running senton, but Rowan gets his knees up into Wyatt’s back. Both are back up, and Rowan hits a clothesline and an avalanche. He hits another across the ring, then puts Wyatt down with a roundhouse for 2. Rowan goes up top, but Wyatt rolls to the floor on the opposite side. Rowan charges after him, only to have Wyatt clobber him with a clothesline. He hits the running senton on the floor, then rolls Rowan back in. Wyatt goes for a uranage, but Rowan reverses into a full-nelson attempt. Wyatt escapes and explodes off the ropes with a flying back elbow. He bridges up and crab-walks over to Rowan, only to quickly put him down with Sister Abigail for 3.
WINNER: BRAY WYATT.
After the match, Wyatt cradles Rowan’s head in his lap, then looks up at the ceiling and laughs.
Considering Rowan has only one won singles match since the group broke up that I can recall, I’m wondering if they’re going to release him soon.
It’s now time for “MizTV”, and we see a poster for The Marine 4 on the Titan-Tron, because WWE knows no one remembered this movie even existed. Miz calls this a special “movie edition” of the show. His latest film comes out tomorrow on digital HD, and later this month on Blu-Ray and DVD. We are then “treated” to a trailer for the film, which co-stars fellow waste of a human life Summer Rae. Back to the ring, no one cares about the movie. He claims his film has been getting rave reviews from Holly…
Speaking of wastes of human life, here’s Summer Rae herself. She calls this “our” action movie. Miz bitches about interruptions, and tells her she should be privileged, since he’s “giving a diva a chance”. She says she’ll speak whenever she wants, and the crowd still doesn’t care. They argue over who the star is as she desperately tries (and fails) to look sexy. This segment absolutely sucks. Rae tells him Damien Mizdow upstaged him in the Andre battle royal. The fans only care about Mizdow, who isn’t even out here yet. Miz says he blames everyone in the WWE Universe for what has happened with Mizdow. Mizdow is not a leading man. You cheer him and chant his name, but you don’t want Mizdow without Miz. In three months time, you’ll forget his name. Damien Sandow was fired twice from WWE and was on his way out a third time until Miz saved his career. Miz made him.
Damien Mizdow comes out as Miz mocks him. Miz says he’s on a steep decline. He needs to do the right thing, get his career, life and future on track. These people can’t do that for him. Miz can, though, and he’s willing to forgive everything that has happened, because he’s a charitable person. He will forgive Mizdow if he just says “I’m sorry”, and everything will go back to the way it was. Mizdow looks around to everyone cheering him. Miz rambles on some more. He says he can make Mizdow a star if he just shakes his hand and apologizes. Does Mizdow want his career in the hands of the fans, or Miz? The fans will forget about him, unless he stays with Miz. Mizdow takes off his sunglasses as Miz demands a handshake and an apology. Mizdow shakes Miz’s hand, then says he’s sorry…he didn’t do this sooner. Mizdow attacks Miz with punches, sending him to the floor. He then starts tossing chairs as Miz heads up the ramp. He looks at Rae and proceeds to make out with her before celebrating with some fans at ringside.
MATCH 5: BAD NEWS BARRETT, THE BIG SHOW AND SHEAMUS VS. ROMAN REIGNS, DOLPH ZIGGLER AND INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN
Ziggler starts with Sheamus, and Sheamus shoves Ziggler back to the corner before giving a clean break. Perhaps in response to Sheamus, I notice Ziggler has a ridiculous hairstyle tonight. Anyway, Sheamus backs him into the opposite corner off another lock-up, then slaps Ziggler. Ziggler retaliates, which leads to both throwing punches. Ziggler hits a few shoulders against the ropes until Sheamus comes back with a kneelift. Show tags in and hits a body blow before picking Ziggler up by the face. He throws Ziggler to the corner, where he hits a big chop. Ziggler gets whipped into the buckles, and Show follows up with a running hip attack. Show goes for the spear, but Ziggler dropkicks him in the knee before hitting a leaping DDT for 2. Ziggler charges at him in the corner, only to get swatted out of the air with a chop. BNB tags in and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Ziggler escapes a chinlock, kicks BNB off the ropes, then runs into the Winds of Change for 2. Sheamus tags in, and he stomps on Ziggler’s hand. Sheamus picks Ziggler up, only to put him back down with a European uppercut. He stands on Ziggler’s face against the ropes, then slaps him around in the corner. Ziggler comes back with a flurry of rights, escapes a tilt-a-whirl, shoves Sheamus away and tags in Bryan. Bryan ducks a clothesline and dropkicks BNB off the apron. He hits Sheamus with rights, backflips off a corner whip, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. He fires up the Yes! Kicks, misses the Buzzsaw, then backdrops Sheamus to the floor. Bryan nails him with a suicide dive, then rolls him back into the ring. As the ref’s back is turned, BNB levels Bryan with a big boot. Commercials.
WINNERS: DANIEL BRYAN, ROMAN REIGNS AND DOLPH ZIGGLER.
End of show.