This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens with Ryback making his way out for a match. This will be a throw-away show, since everyone is at Axxess right now. I’m not going to recap those parts.
Primo starts for his side with a punch and a side headlock. Ryback shoulders him off the ropes and catches a cross-body, turning it into a powerslam. Epico tags in, and he’s snapped into the ring. Ryback chops him in the corner before running into some boots. Epico charges in and gets gorilla press slammed for his troubles. Epico trips him into the ropes and tags in Primo, who hits a springboard seated dropkick before stomping Ryback down. Epico back in, and he stomps Ryback down in the corner before getting a 1-count. A rear chinlock is applied by Epico, but Ryback picks him up from this spot and hits a backpack stunner. Primo back in, and Ryback immediately knocks him down before hitting a back body drop. With an assist by Epico, Primo turns a spinebuster into a DDT. Epico tags back in, and Ryback spears both of them. Ryback goes for the double Shell Shocked, hits it and gets the 3.
WINNER: Ryback. At least the former tag champs got in a decent amount of offense, all things considering.
Up next, Tons of Funk are in action.
Tons make their way out, but it’s actually the Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins dressed as their WM29 opponents. Sandow says that, a wise man once said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Silence! And while in some cases, this is true, the only reason he and his best friends have treated us to this spoof is to illustrate the lunacy and ridiculousness that is Tons of Funk. Rhodes says that, despite this parody, they are much better looking and better dancers than the belligerent behemoths. Back to Sandow, and he says that whether or not you can appreciate the finer points of satire remains to be seen. But, you all realize that Brodus Clay, Sweet T and those low-rent cheerleaders do not belong in the same ring as the Scholars. Rhodes says they are attractions for a petting zoo, not in this ring, and they should leave the entertainment to the professionals. Sandow says that, at WM29, they will outshine Tons and put an end to their dog-and-pony show for good. You’re welcome. Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls make their way down to the ring now, and the girls hit the ring first. Now, we have an 8-person brawl the eventually ends with Clay hitting an avalanche on Rhodes, and T follows up with a clothesline to the floor. The Funkadactyls definitely pull off the cheerleader/tall socks look better than the Bellas. However, the Bellas are worse than nearly all of the divas in pretty much every way.
MATCH 2: Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Kofi Kingston
Swagger backs Kofi into a corner, misses a punch, and Kofi tees off on him for a moment. Swagger goes for an armbar into a wringer, and Kofi flips out. Swagger blocks a deep armdrag and applies a top wristlock. Swagger armdrags Kofi down to the mat while holding onto the wristlock, and Kofi eventually armdrags out, and a crisscross ends in a jumping back elbow by Kofi. Swagger shoves him into the corner, where Kofi hits the Pendulum. Springboard clothesline connects for 2. Swagger rolls to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Swagger has a double chicken wing applied on Kofi. Kofi tries to break free, so Swagger clubs him down with some forearms. Kofi fights back from his knees, but Swagger props him up in the corner for some kneelifts. Snapmare out of the corner by Swagger, and he goes back to the double chicken wing. Kofi fights out with headbutts and hits a back elbow out of the corner. He ducks a boot, hits a double chop, a back elbow and a dropkick. Swagger blocks a jumping clothesline, and Kofi reverses into a sunset flip. Swagger pulls him up by his neck, and Kofi counters with a monkey flip. Kofi goes for the SOS, but Swagger blocks it and throws Kofi hard into the corner. Kofi blocks the Swagger Bomb with a pair of boots and hits a springboard splash from the middle rope for 2. Swagger pops up with an elevated belly-to-belly suplex, then props Kofi on the top rope for a superplex. Kofi fights him off and headbutts him to the mat before connecting with a pumping cross-body. Swagger catches him, however, and goes for the Doctor Bomb. Kofi flips through, lands on his feet, ducks a clothesline and hits the SOS for 2. Colter tries to distract Kofi from the apron, and it’s enough to allow Swagger to hit a chopblock. He applies the Patriot Lock, and Kofi quickly taps.
End of show.
As I expected, not much to report on here.
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