Seth Rollins, and J&J Security are heading down to the ring. We get clips from RAW of Randy Orton RKO’ing everybody. Back to the arena, Rollins calls Orton oh-so clever, #RKOOuttaNowhere. He’s glad Orton got it all out of his system, because this Sunday at Extreme Rules, Orton is banned from using the RKO. I cannot stress enough that Orton is banned from using a move in a match with no disqualifications. How is no one in WWE seeing the problem here? Anyway, Triple H appointed Kane the special “gatekeeper” for this match. Rollins doesn’t care, as he doesn’t need the help of anyone in the Authority, including some aging, former monster like Kane.
This of course brings Kane down to the ring. He says Rollins doesn’t get it. He’s not a former monster. He can chokeslam Rollins to hell. He’s not just a veteran or corporate executive; he’s the guy who could be Rollins’ best friend on Sunday, or the guy who could secure the greatest loss of Rollins’ career. Rollins says they both know if Kane is not on Rollins’ side on Sunday, he’ll be fired. Kane says if Rollins were as smart as he thinks, he’d suck up to Kane, since Kane watches over the door of the cage. Rollins says the only reason Trips appointed Kane this position is because he feels sorry for Kane. Trips said it himself: Kane is not a monster; he’s a suit. A corporate entity. So, he should stick to doing what he does best, like when he laid down for Rollins. At Extreme Rules, stick to what he’s best at doing, and that’s being told what to do. That’s what’s best for business. Kane agrees and says that they believe in doing the right thing by one another, there’s something Rollins could do for him. After all, since Kane laid down for Rollins, it’s only fair that Rollins do the same for him. Rollins laughs before he realizes Kane is serious. He’s the WWE World Champion. He doesn’t lay down for anyone. Kane points out that he’s the man who holds the key to Rollins’ destiny, then orders a referee down to the ring. A referee runs down as Kane says this is non-title. He then orders J&J out of the ring. Rollins says Trips is one state away, but Kane says to ring the bell.
MATCH 1: WWE WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS (W/J&J SECURITY) VS. KANE (NON-TITLE)
Rollins continues to scream at Kane, and says they are not doing this. Kane says Trips isn’t here right now. That means that tonight, Kane is the Authority. Rollins says this isn’t best for business. Kane orders him to lay down, or he will reach down and rip Rollins’ guts out. Rollins tells him to calm down, then slowly lowers himself to the mat. Rollins tells him to get it over with. Kane gets down and tells Rollins he’s just messing with him. Kane says they’re both part of the Authority. That means they always have each others back. Unfortunately, Rollins’ real opponent isn’t as reasonable as Kane.
WINNER: NO CONTEST.
Dean Ambrose heads down to the ring, but before he gets there, Luke Harper’s music hits. He comes out, and now Ambrose is debating what to do. He charges into the ring after Rollins, only to have J&J jump him. He fights them off until Harper knocks him to the floor. Ambrose throws him into the announce desk, only to have Rollins roll him back into the ring. Ambrose fights him off, but quickly gets attacked from behind by Harper and J&J. They quadruple-team him until Roman Riegns hits the ring. He proceeds to take out everyone before going for the Superman Punch on Rollins. Rollins sees it coming and bails. Reigns turns around into a mule kick by Harper, who then goes for a powerbomb. Reigns escapes, and Ambrose nails Harper. Reigns then drops him with a Superman Punch as Rollins and company throw a fit on the stage. Kane just shakes his head from ringside.
Tonight, Rusev faces Ryback. I guess someone on creative remembered that these two were feuding at one point, only to never have a real match.
MATCH 2: DOLPH ZIGGLER AND NEVILLE VS. BAD NEWS BARRETT AND SHEAMUS
We get an inset promo from Ziggler and Neville. Ziggler says at Extreme Rules, after he beats Sheamus, he gets to make the big fella pucker up and kiss his own arse. But first, he is teaming up with the “Man That Gravity Forgot”. Neville says tonight, they cut a couple bullies down to size.
Sheamus comes out and has a mic. He says their opponents are the underdogs of WWE. Underdogs, and undersized. Now, it’s an insult that people compare Ziggler and Neville to real men like them. It’s a fantasy. Size matters, and underdogs never win. Where’s the rest of Neville? As for Ziggler, this Sunday, he’ll bring Ziggler a step ladder so he won’t have to stand on his tippy-toes when he has to kiss Sheamus’ arse.
Finally, the bell rings, with Neville and Sheamus starting. Sheamus throws Neville to the corner, but Neville comes back with kicks to the leg. Neville avoids a corner whip, flips across the ring, hits a pair of boots and sends Sheamus to the floor with a hurricanrana. BNB charges in, and gets low-bridged. Neville wipes them both out with a twisting suicide dive as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, BNB is now legal for his team, and he has Neville in a rear chinlock. Neville gets back to his feet, but BNB hits him with a kneelift. In the corner now, BNB misses a running boot. He tags in Sheamus, who prevents Neville from tagging out by dropping a knee to the back. He hits the release vertical suplex, then follows up with another one. He picks Neville up, hits him with a knee, then starts screaming in his face. Neville comes back with an enziguri, then crawls for a tag. BNB and Ziggler both tag in. Ziggler ducks a clothesline, hits one of his own, follows up with a corner splash and ends the sequence with a neckbreaker. The Shot to the Heart connects for 2. He misses the rocker dropper, ducks a big boot and hits the leaping DDT for 2. Ziggler nails Sheamus on the apron, but then runs into the Wasteland by BNB for 2. BNB signals for the Bull Hammer, but Ziggler ducks and goes fo rthe superkick. BNB blocks it and goes for the Winds of Change. Ziggler quickly counters that into a crucifix for 2. BNB charges at him in the corner, only to get hit by Neville on the apron. Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag after a quick tag to Neville, who goes up and hits the Red Arrow as Ziggler takes out Sheamus on the floor, and that’s good enough for 3.
WINNERS: NEVILLE AND DOLPH ZIGGLER.
We get a video for the return of WWE Tough Enough. This is coupled with clips of a bunch of dipsh*ts pretending to be wrestlers, including this horrendous girl who looks to be about 13 that goes by the YouTube handle lugeyps3. You want your IQ to drop immediately? Listen to just a few seconds of any of her 8000 “commentary” videos on there. Oh, and one other girl says it would be great to get in the ring with Brie Bella. That should tell you all you need to know (if the fact that the track record for contestants in WWE is pathetic didn’t already do the job).
Bray Wyatt appears on the screen. He says your streak is just an illusion, like everything else. But you can’t fool him. He sees right through you. He knows what drives you. He knows what motivates you, because it’s the same for every man. It’s the fear. You can’t help it. It runs through you. It’s ingrained in your genetic composition. And he will soon expose you for the weakling you are. He will take that one thing from you that you cannot live without. Tell him, friend. After all, what use is there for a butterfly with no wings?
MATCH 3: NATALYA VS. NAOMI
The two lock up, and Naomi backs Nattie into the ropes, where she hits a kneelift and a forearm to the back. Off an Irish whip, Nattie blocks a hiptoss and hits one of her own. She ducks a clothesline and hits a modified side-Russian legsweep before attacking Naomi against the bottom rope. Naomi pulls Nattie face-first into the middle buckle, then catapults her underneath the bottom rope for 2. Naomi hits a forearm to the face, then applies a rear chinlock. Nattie gets to her feet, and Naomi hits her with a kneelift. She follows up with a bodyslam and elbow before missing a legdrop. Nattie ducks a clothesline and hits a slingshot atomic drop before stepping over Naomi’s head and hitting a seated dropkick for 2. Naomi avoids a corner whip and goes for headscissors, and Nattie tosses her to the apron. Naomi hits a high kick to the face, then follows up with a slingshot sunset flip. Nattie rolls through and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Naomi breaks it with a slap to the face. She avoids a corner splash and hits the Rear View for 3.
After the match, Naomi talks some trash to Nattie, then kicks Nattie in the ribs.
We get another promo with the Prime-Time Players. Titus O’Neil says they’ve addressed all of the other tag teams, but still need confirmation on where they can find Los Matadores, those Puerto Rican bullfighters. Finally, someone said it! Onto the next team, the champions, Cesaro and Tyson Kidd. He says they’re great athletes, and Cesaro is one of the most interesting characters on the WWE roster. He’s interesting because he’s uhh…Darren Young says it’s because he’s German. Titus corrects him and says he’s Swiss, which is the same, but different. Two things that make him interesting: his beret and his bag. Young calls it a purse, then reads a poem about Kidd, mocking him with juvenile fart and p*ssy/cat jokes. Titus calls the PTP the best team in the company, future champs, and worth millions of dollars. You know what comes next.
Rusev and Lana are in the ring. Lana says there is an American phrase that says, “Knowledge is power.” This past Monday on RAW, Rusev educated John Cena on the true power of the Russian chain. We see a still as Lana says Cena struggled and tried, but yet again, failed. The Russian chain has protected Russia’s most valuable treasures and secured the most dangerous criminals for generations. But this Sunday, at Extreme Rules, Cena will be chained to the “Super Athlete”, where the chain will destroy America’s last great hope. Rusev tells Cena that, on Sunday, he won’t be able to escape. The chain is a handicap for him, but a weapon and tool for Rusev to drag his body around the ring as he exposes Cena’s failure to the world. He is America’s champion and this is Rusev’s world. He promises Cena will beg for mercy, and he also promises no mercy will be shown. And tonight, the “Big Guy” Ryback is going to join the list of fallen Americans.
MATCH 4: RUSEV (W/LANA) VS. RYBACK
Rusev talks some trash, and now the two lock up. They jockey for position until Rusev hits a kneelift. He clubs Ryback down with double axe handles, then kicks him a few times before applying a side headlock. Ryback counters with a back suplex, then hits Rusev with some headbutts. He follows up with shoulder thrusts in the corner, then nails a big chop. Rusev comes back with some punches and sends Ryback across the ring. Ryback explodes out of the corner with a shoulder for 1. He applies an arm wringer, but Rusev comes back with another kneelift. He goes for a suplex, but Ryback counters with a delayed vertical. Rusev rolls to the floor, and Ryback follows. He nails a right and rolls Rusev back in. Rusev avoids a shoulder in the corner, sending Ryback shoulder-first into the post and down to the floor. Rusev heads out and rams him back-first into the post. He rolls Ryback in as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Ryback breaks a waistlock attempt, but then gets sent face-first into the buckles. Ryback fights his way out of a bearhug moments later, hits a back elbow out of the corner, avoids a corner splash, hits a boot, then a series of rights. Ryback hits a couple of forearms, then hits a spinning belly-to-belly out of the corner for 2. Ryback goes for the Warrior Splash, but Rusev blocks with his knees. Ryback hits another boot out of the corner, then catches an incoming Rusev with a powerslam for 2. Ryback misses the Meat Hook, but then blocks a thrust kick and hits a standing spinebuster. He calls for the Meat Hook again and connects for 2. Ryback sets up Shell Shocked, only to have Rusev escape and bail to the floor. Ryback goes after him, only to get hit in the gut with Rusev’s chain, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: RYBACK.
Rusev continues the assault, wrapping the chain around his arm and nailing Ryback in the back of the head. He stomps Ryback in the back, then locks in the Accolade while pulling the chain across Ryback’s face. He rolls into the ring, chain still in-hand. Lana places his medal around his neck, and then the Russian flag drops from the ceiling.
We see Seth Rollins with J&J, and they’re apparently looking for Luke Harper. Jamie Noble says he’s Harper is his cousing, then makes inbred jokes. Harper surprises them, and Noble just wants to make sure they’re on the same page, and that he needs to do whatever Rollins tells him. Harper stares off into space as Rollins lectures him. Joey Mercury taps him on the shoulder, then makes a bunch of hand gestures. Harper grabs him by the collar and says Mercury broke his concentration. He was busy thinking of all the way he was going to hurt Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. Pain is his specialty. Don’t get in his way.
The New Day come out for Kofi Kingston’s one-on-one match. On a side note, did Xavier Woods piss someone off? He almost never gets a match of any kind. Anyway, Big E grabs a mic and says there is a plague in the WWE Universe, and it’s a lack of positivity and smiling. A lack of embracing the one next to you. And worst of all, a lack of clapping. Woods says one of the main problems is that the tag champs refuse to embrace this type of positive message. But have no fear, New Day is here! They’re like medicine: they might not taste good going down (Nope. Not going to do it), but they’ll cure whatever problem you have. Kofi says when they become the champs, the entire WWE Universe can get back to doing what the world needs more of, clapping. They clap to keep the faces smiling, to keep the WWE Universe positive, and so they can embrace the New Day.
MATCH 5: KOFI KINGSTON (W/BIG E AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CO-CHAMPION CESARO (W/TYSON KIDD)
Kofi quickly goes for a roll-up, getting 1. He hits Cesaro with a dropkick, then gets some moral support from his partner. Off a side headlock, the two crisscross until Cesaro catches Kofi in mid-air and puts him down with a backbreaker. In the corner, Kofi hits the Pendulum, then nails a cross-body, right into some punches. Kofi applies a sleeper, but Cesaro escapes and hits a spinebuster. He goes for the Cesaro Swing, but is distracted by Woods on the apron. Kidd pulls him down and sends him to the floor. E steps in and hits Kidd with an overhead belly-to-belly at ringside. Cesaro dropkicks E through the ropes, but then turns around into Trouble in Paradise for 3.
WINNER: KOFI KINGSTON.
We get a backstage interview with Big Show. He’s whining about Roman Reigns not paying his dues. At Extreme Rules, he’ll expose Reigns for what he is: beneath Show.
MATCH 6: DEAN AMBROSE AND ROMAN REIGNS VS. LUKE HARPER AND WWE WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS (W/J&J SECURITY)
As both teams are in the ring, Kane comes out. He’s apparently going to sit at ringside. Harper and Ambrose start, with Harper backing Ambrose into the corner. They switch positions a few times until Ambrose gets whipped across the ring. He avoids contact, blocks a kick and hits a dragon screw. Ambrose hangs Harper’s leg on the ropes and hits a seated dropkick before tagging in Reigns. Reigns kicks Harper in the corner, then nails a clothesline off a corner whip. Ambrose tags back in, and he snaps off a few jabs before hitting a snapmare, a low clothesline and a power drive elbow. Harper comes back with punches and an uppercut before tagging in Rollins. Rollins hits a hip throw. Ambrose gets back to his feet and tries to escape a side headlock, which he does, off a back suplex. He ducks a clothesline and begins laying into Rollins in the corner. Reigns tags in and nails an uppercut. Reigns connects with a suplex for 1, then applies an arm wringer. Rollins gets corner-whipped, but blocks the charge. He clubs Reigns across the back of the head, then drives him down with a front chancery. Reigns powers his way back up and throws Rollins onto his face. Ambrose tags in and hits a pair of chops to the throat, followed by a forearm in the corner. Rollins blocks a bulldog attempt, but then gets nailed in the corner. Ambrose goes up for possibly a moonsault, but then gets crotched. Rollins shoves him to the floor, and Ambrose takes a nasty spill, nearly colliding with the ring steps. Rollins distracts the referee, which allows J&J to double-team Ambrose, followed by Harper dropping him with a big boot. Commercials.
WINNERS: DEAN AMBROSE AND ROMAN REIGNS.