This week we’ll get a main event face-to-face-to-face meeting between AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose and John Cena to further hype this Sunday’s No Mercy event.
We go from that opening video package right to Bray Wyatt. Looks like we’re going right into our opening bout.
MATCH 1: BRAY WYATT VS. KANE
Wyatt goes on the attack with shots in the corner before Kane reverses. Wyatt comes back with another punch and a flying back elbow. He hits a corner splash, then lands a low uppercut. Wyatt grinds away at a rear chinlock. Kane breaks free with a jawbreaker before eating a clothesline. Wyatt misses the running senton, then takes a corner clothesline, followed by another. A sidewalk slam connects, as does a leaping DDT. Kane calls for the chokeslam, but Wyatt immediately counters with a standing uranage and follows with a running senton. Wyatt crab-walks, but then turns back over when he spots Randy Orton on the TitanTron. Orton’s image is also upside-down. He cuts a promo about viewing the world upside-down. God, this is horrible. Wyatt is laughing as Kane sits up in the ring. He turns around and gets goozled. Wyatt breaks free before an uppercut sends him to the floor. Wyatt bails on the match to go after Orton.
WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: KANE
Kane has a busted lip.
We see Baron Corbin in the back. He’s stopped by Charley Caruso, who brings up Jack Swagger. He doesn’t care why Swagger was signed, but if he thinks he’ll make waves, he’s dumber than he looks. Swagger interrupts, and the two have a stare-down. Swagger challenges Corbin to a fight right now, but Corbin does his talking in the ring. Swagger plans to continue the “conversation” in the ring.
Bray Wyatt is in the back, in a dark hallway, rambling about Randy Orton. He says Orton’s time is coming.
MATCH 2: ALEXA BLISS VS. NIKKI BELLA
I almost never pay attention to Bliss, so I didn’t realize until now how obnoxious her entrance is.
On paper, this match is garbage. In practice, it will be even worse. WWE finally found someone worse than the Bellas in Bliss and Carmella. Speaking of Carmella, that worthless waste of flesh is on commentary. I am in hell. Christ, I can’t listen to her. Going on mute. Standing switch starts before Bliss hits a back elbow and pulls Nikki down by her hair. Nikki hits a weak sweep for a 1-count…then stretches. Yeah, that was really straining, I’m sure. Nikki catches a facebreaker for 2 before hitting a flying shoulder off the ropes. A Dropsh*t sends Bliss out to the floor, in front of the announce desk. Nikki throws Bliss into Carmella, who appears to be wailing like a banshee. Back in the ring, Bliss botches a pair of feet in the corner before Nikki looks for the TKO. Carmella runs in and botches the hell out of an attack from behind, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: NIKKI BELLA
One of the worst women’s matches I’ve ever seen. Carmella “pounds” on Nikki until Becky Lynch charges down to the ring. She pelts the heel divas with forearms before Bliss gets tossed. Carmella receives the same from Nikki. I get the feeling this will lead to a tag match, because of course it will. Commercials.
MATCH 3: ALEXA BLISS AND CARMELLA VS. NIKKI BELLA AND SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPION BECKY LYNCH
The match is in progress after the commercials, with Nikki hitting an armdrag on Bliss. She misses a corner splash and runs into a back elbow. A distraction from Carmella prevents the Disaster Kick, allowing Bliss to pull Nikki down by the hair for 2. Carmella tags in, and the heel botch a double hair whip for 2. Carmella shrieks in Nikki’s face, then botches running Nikki’s face into her foot in the corner, missing by a good foot or more. Carmella with the worst bronco buster in history for 2, and now Bliss is once again legal. Nikki escapes a rear chinlock, then jumps into a clothesline for 2. Way to telegraph. Carmella tags back in and freshens things up with a chinlock. More shrieking. She tosses Nikki, who pulls herself to the corner. Carmella misses a second bronco buster despite seeing Nikki move a mile away, and now Nikki has made the tag to Lynch. Lynch hits everything that moves with clotheslines before Bliss tags in. She runs right into a pair of Bex-Plexes, setting up the Flying Firearm. Carmella pulls Bliss to the floor to avoid it, so Lynch plasters Bliss on the outside with another forearm. Back in, Carmella botches a superkick before Nikki spears her. Bliss heads up top and hits Twisted Bliss, a horrific twisting splash, for 2.
WINNERS: ALEXA BLISS AND CARMELLA
We see Bray Wyatt still looking for Randy Orton. He spots a rocking chair in a reddened area. Orton then appears, apparently locking him behind a shutter. Orton drones on with some horrible dialogue.
We see inside the locked room, because someone apparently put a camera in there. Wyatt is screaming.
Tonight, “MizTV” will feature a “Dolphumentary”. Oh, boy. I can’t wait.
Daniel Bryan comes out, flanked by a bunch of women in their Susan G. Komen shirts. If this is just promotion for her “charity” organization (in reality, almost none of the money goes to breast cancer research), I’m skipping this segment. Sure enough, that’s exactly what it is.
Tonight, Jack Swagger makes his in-ring re-debut against Baron Corbin.
MATCH 4: THE VAUDEVILLAINS (AIDEN ENGLISH AND SIMON GOTCH) VS. THE HYPE BROS (MOJO RAWLEY AND ZACK RYDER)
Gotch and Rawley start with a lock-up, followed by an immediate break. Rawley hits a slam, then does a horrific dance before dropping a double axe handle to Gotch’s face. Ryder tags in, and he starts to work the arm before Gotch breaks free. The Ascension then come down to ringside. Back in the ring, Ryder hits an armdrag and a pair of knees out of the corner. Ryder hits a missile dropkick on English on the apron, allowing Gotch to nail him from behind. English tags in and hits Ryder in the corner with a hip attack before Gotch hits an exploder for 2. English drops an elbow to Ryder’s head before choking him across the middle rope. Gotch boots Ryder behind the ref’s back. English nails a couple punches for 2, then tags in Gotch. They hit a double chop and a double punch. English back in with a kick. He goes to the rear chinlock now, then hits a slam. He misses a knee and tags to Gotch, who prevents a tag. Ryder flips over him for a 2 and makes the tag to Rawley as English tags in as well. Rawley hits a couple shoulders and a Pounce. He connects with a corner splash and a fireman’s carry into a pancake. Gotch tries to interfere, but Ryder boots him to the floor. The Bros connect with the Hype Ryder, and that’s good for 3.
WINNERS: THE HYPE BROS
The Ascension continue to look on from the ramp. They’ve been a great presence here.
The Royal Rumble returns to the Alamo Dome in San Antonio, TX, for the first time since 1997, an event that featured a heavily papered crowd. That shouldn’t be a problem this time, but we shall see.
The Miz and Maryse are in the ring for “MizTV”. Boy, this just gets better and better. This is a “Dolphumentary”, and Miz wants to bring out the guest of honour right now, one Dolph Ziggler, because this could be his last appearance on Smackdown.
Ziggler comes to the ring, and Miz goes right into a video package of Ziggler’s career, except it’s all done to make him look like a complete loser. Video from his entire WWE career is shown, including his time in the Spirit Squad and when he first debuted as Ziggler, where he did nothing but introduce himself to people. Hell, they even include his time under his real name (Nick Nemeth) as Kerwin White’s (Chavo Guerrero’s) golf caddy. A bunch of footage is chopped together to make it sound like everyone hates him as well.
Back to the ring, Miz mocks Ziggler. Ziggler calls him an assface. He could have walked away at any time, but he just wouldn’t. Ziggler says that, for every ten embarrassing moments, there’s been at least one magic moment, like a kid high-fiving him from the front row. Those are the moments that keep him going. Or even stuff like granting wishes for Make-A-Wish. That is real emotion, and no one can take it from him. Ziggler brings up cashing in MITB and winning the World title. Why was that so magical? Because everyone was a part of it. That’s why he became champion, and that is why he can’t walk away. He’s at a crossroads, and knew he had to put his career on the line. If he can’t deliver, he doesn’t belong here. But what Miz doesn’t realize is Ziggler’s gut tells him he will win on Sunday and become the Intercontinental Champion. Miz isn’t taking his career from him, because through everything he’s been through, he’s not done yet. Miz disagrees. Miz tells him to say goodbye to the moments, because at No Mercy, Ziggler’s career will end because of Miz. But don’t worry, because Miz has something to raise Ziggler’s spirits.
He points to the stage, and the old Spirit Squad music plays. Sure enough, out come Kenny and Mikey. Kenny looks about the same. Mikey looks like hell. They start to do a cheer. Ziggler chuckles a bit before looking annoyed. They spell out his first name, then make a joke about unemployment. Miz makes a crack about how two of the original members aren’t here because they got lost in transit when the Spirit Squad got sent back to OVW, referencing the death of the gimmick at the hands of DX. That just means there’s a spot for Nicky to reunite with them. Ziggler screams in Miz’s face, so he sicks Kenny and Mikey on Ziggler. They beat him down before hitting a double-team release slam that is in super slo-mo. More cheering as Miz celebrates on the stage. In the ring, Ziggler recovers and nails both with superkicks before Miz hits the ring and goes for the Skull-Crushing Finale. Ziggler escapes and tries for a third superkick, but Miz bails to the ramp before it connects.
More footage of Bray Wyatt trapped. More talking. He sits in the rocking chair. That’s all.
Nikki Bella vs. Carmella has been made official for No Mercy. Who cares?
MATCH : JEY USO (W/JIMMY USO) VS. JASON JORDAN (W/CHAD GABLE)
Jordan gets the jobber non-entrance this week. Jordan immediately slams Jey and pounds on him with fists. He then backdrops Jey to the outside, who lands on his feet and hits an inverted hotshot for 2. Jey applies a rear chinlock, then drives his knee into Jordan’s back before going back to the hold. Jordan tries to fight out, but gets clubbed right back down. Jordan reverses a corner whip and tries for a German, which Uso counters into a pin. However, Jordan just drops down on him and gets the 3.
WINNER: JASON JORDAN
Outside, Jimmy throws Gable knee-first into the ring steps, furthering the injury angle. Jey then chopblocks Jordan from behind at ringside. He gets rolled back in, Jey locks in the Tequila Sunrise to set up the Samoan Splash, but Rhyno and Heath Slater decide they’ve had enough and charge the ring. The Usos immediately bail.
Bray Wyatt is singing in his rocker, still locked in the room in the back. He then starts talking to Abigail, asking her to take him home.
We see Randy Orton outside the locked room. He opens the door, and Wyatt is missing. He throws the rocker and leaves.
More from Curt Hawkins. He will debut at No Mercy.
MATCH : BARON CORBIN VS. JACK SWAGGER
The two lock up and then break. Swagger tries for a takedown, but Corbin gets to the ropes. Swagger gets a waistlock in, which Corbin elbows out of before running over Swagger with a shoulder. Swagger gets in an arm wringer. The feed is choppy, and when it comes back, Swagger eats an uppercut in the corner. Corbin pounds on him, then stands on his neck. Commercials.
Back from the break, Swagger is still down. During the break, Swagger’s knee was injured when he got caught in the ropes. Back to the match, Corbin applies a half-nelson/chinlock combo, which Ziggler fights out of. Corbin knees him in the gut and nails a right to the head. Corbin misses a clothesline, then gets sent to the floor. Back in, he runs into a pair of boots. Swagger hits a couple corner clotheslines and an elevated belly-to-belly. Swagger goes for the Swagger Bomb, which Corbin tries to block. Swagger sees it coming and applies the Patriot Lock. Corbin crawls for the ropes, so Swagger drags him away from the ropes. Corbin swings his arms like he’s trying to grab for the ropes, and the referee calls that a tap-out.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
Corbin has a hissy fit at ringside, and now I fear we’re going to get an endless series of matches between these two, much like Corbin/Ziggler. Corbin tears up the ring steps and the desk.
It’s time for the main event talk segment. AJ Styles is out first. He lets us know the champ is here. Smackdown is the land of opportunity, and he agrees with that sentiment. At Summerslam, he had the chance to beat John Cena and become “the face that runs the place”, and he did. At Backlash, he had the opportunity to beat the Dean Ambrose and become the WWE World Champion, and obviously, he did that, too. At No Mercy, he has the opportunity to beat both Cena and Ambrose at the same time and become THE…
Ambrose interrupts before Styles can finish. Ambrose asks if he’s going to become the chump. Styles became a chump. After a 15 year career, winning every belt he went after, he came here. He made it to the big leagues and only had one more mountain to climb. Styles took the low road. But that’s not why Ambrose is mad. He’s mad because he had Styles pinned for about 27 seconds last week when Cena interfered. Cena couldn’t stand that Ambrose was going to win the title in front of him and showed his true colours. Cena should thank Ambrose for bringing the title to Smackdown so he can even get a chance to break that Ric Flair record (which he won’t even tie on Sunday should he win, since Flair’s number is actually 21).
Cena joins the other two in the ring. Styles tells him to shut up before he even speaks. Everyone knows what he’s going to say, so for once, just shut up. Cena’s chasing history and wants to be a 16-time champion, right? How dare he compare himself to an icon and legend like Flair. Styles doesn’t care how many titles he’s won; Cena will never be in the same conversation as Flair. He shouldn’t be worried about Flair anyway; he should be worried about Styles. Go ahead and chase history. It’ll be a long road. Cena chases history; Styles MAKES it. Go ahead and make a big speech, but Styles is going to stand in the corner and watch him make a fool of himself, just like he did at Summerslam. Cena starts to talk, but Ambrose cuts him off this time. He knows exactly what Cena is going to say. He’s going to say Ambrose is his own worst enemy and should stop complaining, and that he’ll spin it so Ambrose looks like a jerk. Cena is the master of the political spin, which is why he’s stayed on top for 15 years, and why he’s in this match in the first place. Anyone who is a threat to Cena, he undercuts them and stabs them in the back. He’s been doing it to Ambrose since day one, but it won’t work. He can’t outwork Ambrose. Ambrose has taken 0 days off and has never been seriously injured in WWE. He worked more matches than anyone this year and last year, but Cena wants to ignore that. Cena has no respect for him because he never kissed his ass. Ambrose will never play by Cena’s rules. So, if being a fake, plastic suck-ass behind the scenes is what it takes to be a bonafide superstar to Cena, he can have it. He’ll continue being Ambrose, because that’s real. Meanwhile, Cena can continue playing his character on TV.
Cena finally speaks, says “Talk is cheap” and tackles Ambrose. Styles goes after him, but gets tossed to the floor. Ambrose then gets the Attitude Adjustment. He then holds the belt over his head as his music plays. He then turns around and gets tackled by Styles. Styles escapes an AA and plants Cena with the Phenomenal Forearm before grabbing the belt.
As Styles is celebrating at ringside, Ambrose clobbers him from behind and throws him into the barricade before planting him with Dirty Deeds on the ramp. Ambrose then grabs the belt and celebrates with it.
END OF SHOW.
Good promo work from Ziggler, Ambrose and Styles. Absolutely everything else on the show, you can can skip.