We get a quick video package from WWE No Mercy, which saw Dolph Ziggler win the Intercontinental title for the fifth time from the Miz, as well as AJ Styles retaining the WWE World title in a triple threat against John Cena and Dean Ambrose.
We are in San Jose, CA, and the show opens with Ziggler, wearing his new championship. A “You deserve it” chant breaks out there are some music problems. Ziggler says emotions got the best of him, and he put it all on the line for one more shot at his title. He didn’t know if he was going to be here tonight. He gave himself one way out, and that was to win. He didn’t know if No Mercy was going to be the last time he got to do all of this. For the first time in 12 years, he doubted himself and thought he had made a mistake. His emotions got the better of him, with people saying he didn’t need to do this. He felt like he did, and he also needed to know what it felt like to maybe not win. However, he did it, and this is where he belongs. At No Mercy, hell was going to freeze over, because he was determined to walk out the new champion, and he did it.
The Miz and his wife Maryse interrupt. They’re looking extra-douchey tonight, especially Maryse, who resembles Brigitte Nielsen. Miz says he wants to mourn the death of the IC title, then asks if everyone is happy. On Sunday, the IC title died after 188 days. He claims he brought the prestige back to the title, making it the most prestigious title on SD. Ziggler winning is a funeral for the title’s legacy. However, if Ziggler thinks this is the end of the story, he’s delusional. This is act 2 of the movie. He’s the hero, and Ziggler as champion is the The Empire Strikes Back. The hero always gets the gold and the girl, and he’s already got the girl. Now, he wants his gold back. Ziggler calls Miz’s speech loud, but he’s glad Miz is out here now, as he has a bit of footage to show. That footage is of Ziggler pinning Miz at No Mercy, followed by a close-up of the Miz crying. Miz gets pissy over being called a crybaby, then says that face was him seeing everything getting ripped away from him. A “You were crying” chant breaks out. Miz starts screaming at Ziggler and says he will do anything to get the belt back. He’s not done with Ziggler, and neither are they.
Kenny and Mikey, the Spirit Squad, are out once more. They do a chant to announce Ziggler is facing them in a handicap match tonight.
MATCH 1-2-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. THE SPIRIT SQUAD (KENNY AND MIKEY)
Miz and his wife are on commentary, so I’m going on mute once again. Mikey starts with a boot to the gut, followed by another off the ropes. Ziggler sidesteps him and sends him to the floor. He almost superkicks Kenny before clotheslining him outside in front of Miz. The three regroup as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Kenny is in control with a snapmare and a rear chinlock. Ziggler eventually fights out before Kenny blocks a superkick and hits a clothesline. Mikey tags in and drops a few elbows. Mikey tries for a sleeper, then misses a back elbow before Ziggler catches a sleeper of his own. Mikey breaks it by falling into the buckles, then sends Ziggler in for an Irish whip. Ziggler baseball slides between Kenny’s legs and drops him face-first onto the apron. Back in, Mikey catches Ziggler with a fireman’s carry, which Ziggler escapes into a sunset flip attempt. Kenny makes a tag before Ziggler pulls Mikey down for the pin, then comes in with a kick to the back. Kenny and Mikey go for a double-team, which Ziggler counters into a double DDT. Ziggler hits a corner splash and a pair of clotheslines. He misses the rocker dropper, leading to Mikey giving him a hotshot. Kenny then hits a clothesline of his own for 2. Kenny sets up what looks like a powerbomb, which Ziggler escapes. Ziggler then gets the 3 off a superkick.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
Miz jumps in the ring and attacks Ziggler after the bell. I have to point out Mauro Ranallo’s “Oh, my god! He killed Kenny!” line before I get too much further, because it was good. Ziggler gets pounded, then hit with the Skull-Crushing Finale. Mikey and Kenny go for a double-team until Rhyno and Heath Slater clear the ring.
Becky Lynch, who missed the PPV due to illness, will defend the Smackdown Women’s title against Alexa Bliss on 11/8 in Glasgow Scotland. There was worry she had gotten injured, but it’s apparently nothing that serious, and she won’t miss any significant ring time, which is a huge relief.
Tonight, Randy Orton and Kane will face Bray Wyatt and the returning Luke Harper in the main event.
We get a reenactment of the Miz/Ziggler title match at No Mercy, courtesy of WWE 2K17 to hype the release of the game, which came out today.
We cut to Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon in their office. They are here to hype Survivor Series, and Shane wants to make the event can’t-miss. They propose a 5-on-5 traditional Survivor Series match with five from SD taking on five on RAW. Bryan ups the ante by also proposing a 10-team elimination match between the two brands, harking back to the 1987 and ’88 events. Shane then offers up a 5-on-5 elimination match between the two rosters’ best female competitors.
MATCH 2: CARMELLA VS. NAOMI
Earlier today, Nikki Bella was interviewed by Renee Young. Nikki talks about her favourite subject: herself. She’s eventually thrown into an equipment box by Carmella. Carmella then cuts a promo on her, which I refuse to repeat here because it’s so terrible. Naomi’s entrance is way too long. And annoying.
Carmella attacks Naomi from behind before the match has started. The referee pulls them apart as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Carmella is in control with a chinlock. I’m sensing a pattern tonight. Naomi tries to counter with who-the-hell-knows-what, but Carmella lands on her feet and hits a weak version of the Edge-O-Matic for 2 before going back to the chinlock. We see Alexa Bliss watching on a monitor backstage. Carmella tries a bodyscissors, but gets it broken on the buckles. She no-sells and kicks Naomi in the back. Naomi hits a sit-out jawbreaker that looked awful. She kicks Carmella a couple times, then does that horrible kick series she does before completely whiffing a roundhouse. Naomi bulldogs Carmella into the middle buckle, then heads up top, where a cross-body gets 2. JBL continues to try to claim Naomi is the greatest athlete in the women’s division, which makes me want to puke. In the corner, Carmella whips Naomi down by the hair off the ropes. Nikki Bella and a bunch of referees come down to ringside, and they hold Nikki back. In the ring, Naomi gets in an O’Connor roll with a bridge for 3.
Nikki chases Carmella around ringside before Carmella heads out through the crowd.
Alexa Bliss is approached by Charley Caruso. Bliss is not impressed with Naomi. She blabs on about Naomi before Daniel Bryan interrupts. Bryan informs Bliss she’ll face Naomi next week.
MATCH 3: JIMMY USO (W/JEY USO) VS. CHAD GABLE (W/JASON JORDAN)
Gable gets the jobber non-entrance treatment this week. Gable starts with a takedown before attacking Jimmy’s left arm. He locks in an armbar after a few spots, then cranks the arm in a circle. Jimmy comes back with a superkick to the gut off the ropes, then catches the Alley-Uce for 2. Jimmy applies a chinlock. The Usos’ “gear” gets worse every week. Jimmy’s rocking jeans and tennis shoes this week, along with a t-shirt. Gable gets dumped, skins the cat, then pulls Jimmy over with a headscissors. Back in, Gable hits a back-body drop, then mounts the buckles for some punches. Jimmy escapes before getting caught with a twisting clothesline from the middle rope. Gable hits an Alpha-Plex before going for a monkey flip in the corner. Jimmy blocks and sets him on the top buckle, only for Gable to drop down into a jujigatame over the ropes. He breaks at 4, dives over Jimmy and then gets rolled up in a schoolboy near the ropes, where Jey puts his foot to Jimmy’s back to steal a 3.
WINNER: JIMMY USO
JBL tries to claim he has never seen that spot before. He is a complete tool.
We see Mojo Rawley warming up when he’s joined by his partner, Zack Ryder. They’re yelling about girls or some such nonsense. Rawley wants to know where Ryder was last night while he was partying with girls. They are joined by the Ascension, and it dawns on me Mojo Rawley sounds like Lil’ Kev from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That’s not a compliment, either. The Ascension do absolutely nothing before walking off.
AJ Styles makes his way out, championship still intact after last Sunday’s No Mercy. We go to clips from the match in question, where Styles retained after bashing Cena with a chair and getting the pin. Styles tells us the champ is here. He likes the sound of that. He beat Dean Ambrose and John Cena at the same time at No Mercy. That’s not just great; it’s phenomenal. He asks the audience to cheer for him, and most of them do. He then calls the fans losers. They live vicariously through him, but there’s only room for one on this bandwagon. He tells them to go cheer for Cena, which gets a bunch of boos. Oh, wait. They can’t cheer for Cena, because he’s off being Kelly Ripa’s co-host. Instead, they can cheer for Ambrose (mixed reaction). He calls the fans pathetic for wanting to cheer that loser. Enough of the fans; it’s time to talk about Styles. He beat both Ambrose and Cena. Some may not have liked how it went down, but you find a way to win, and that’s what matters. After beating those two, most champions would take some time off, but not him. He knows SD is the land of opportunity, and he’s giving someone an opportunity tonight, someone of main event status. Without further ado, bring his opponent down!
Ambrose comes out, mic in hand. Styles wasn’t talking about him. Ambrose knows that, because Styles likes the easy way out. Styles doesn’t want any of Ambrose. Styles says he took advantage of an opportunity, so why is Ambrose out here? Ambrose isn’t done with him yet, and there’s no one on the roster jumping him in line. Styles is fine with that, because his opponent tonight isn’t on the roster.
Christ. It’s James Ellsworth again. I hate every fan that has jumped on his bandwagon. All of them. Styles mentions the tag match that was supposed to happen before the Miz beat up Ellsworth and took his place. So, what we’re going to do, is Ellsworth is facing Styles tonight in a non-title match. He tells Ambrose to get out of here, but Ambrose says he wants to see this. Styles isn’t happy about that and doesn’t want Ambrose distracting Ellsworth. He tells Ambrose to get out of here in several different ways, which brings out Daniel Bryan.
Bryan says he runs this show, and he makes the match. Lucky for Styles, he’s a huge Ellsworth fan. So, this match will happen right now. Oh, but one more thing. Styles was right in that Ambrose won’t be at ringside…but that’s because Ambrose will be the guest referee. Ambrose then takes the ref’s shirt and puts it on. Bryan then points out Styles cannot put his hands on Ambrose while he’s an official, otherwise he’ll be fined and/or suspended. Ambrose empties his pockets, handing Styles a bunch of random things.
MATCH 4: WWE WORLD CHAMPION AJ STYLES VS. JAMES ELLSWORTH (NON-TITLE; SPECIAL REFEREE: DEAN AMBROSE)
Ambrose does the pat-down bit on Styles as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Styles is, as you would expect, in complete control of Ellsworth in the corner. Ambrose pulls them apart before Styles goes right back on the attack with some forearms. Styles stomps him down in the corner before laughing. Ambrose blocks a punch, saying it was a closed fist. Styles argues with him, then turns around into a right by Ellsworth. Ellsworth bails and runs around the ring before getting chased back in. Ambrose trips Styles on the way in, and Ellsworth rolls Styles up for 2. Styles blasts Ellsworth with a clothesline, then suplexes him. Styles with a big pendulum backbreaker. More bickering with Ambrose before Ambrose offers a handshake. Ellsworth backs Styles into the corner, only for Styles to club him across the back and lock in the Calf Crusher. Ambrose ignores the tap-out to take a phone call on his mobile. Styles gets in his face yet again before tossing Ellsworth to the floor. Styles heads out and tosses Ellsworth into the barricade, then gives him a quick bodyslam on the floor. Ambrose starts to give a fast count, forcing Styles to get Ellsworth back in the ring in a hurry. Styles launches Ellsworth back out, so Ambrose rolls him in the ring. Ambrose then hits on a woman at ringside, signs an autograph and takes a selfie. Styles throws the poster, so Ambrose hugs the girl and eats some popcorn. Styles nearly kills Ellsworth with a Styles Clash, because Ellsworth stupidly decides to tuck his chin instead of throwing his head backwards. It’s Kazarian/Stevie Richards all over again, only this time, it was 100% his opponent’s fault. Styles rolls through into the pin, which only gets 2 when Ambrose stops the count. Ambrose then boots Styles and plants him with Dirty Deeds before pulling Ellsworth on top and giving a count, which only gets 2. Ambrose rolls back to the floor and has a drink at ringside with the woman from before. Back in, he hits another Dirty Deeds, throws Ellsworth on top and gives a quick 3-count.
WINNER: JAMES ELLSWORTH
We see Randy Orton in the back, looking around. He sees Kane. He says Kane is the only other person in the building who knows what it’s like to go through hell. Orton is tired of living in Bray Wyatt’s world, so the question is, can Wyatt live in his? In his world, there’s just pain, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have seen soap operas less scripted than this. Kane’s along for the ride tonight. He then tells Orton he has issues.
We get the updated version of the “Royal Rumble: By the Numbers” video. I always like these videos, even if the match winds up sucking.
I do have to point out the announcer calls it the 30th anniversary of the event, when it’s actually the 30th ANNUAL. I do not understand Vince and Co.’s fascination with thinking these two words are interchangeable, but only for specific events. Earlier tonight, JBL correctly used the word annual when calling this year’s Survivor Series the 30th annual, so why can’t they be consistent?
We get some replays of the previous Styles/Ellsworth match, and that leads to Styles having a meltdown in front of Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon. Shane tells him to be angry at himself for losing and no one else. Shane then makes the official announcement that Styles lost to Ellsworth. Styles then says he’s going to have to take things into his own hands now. After he leaves, Bryan says that, speaking of Ellsworth, he has an idea for next week.
MATCH 5: LUKE HARPER AND BRAY WYATT VS. KANE AND RANDY ORTON
We get a promo from the Wyatts before their opponents come out. Harper says he’s awake and has seen the light. Wyatt goes into his usual routine. Nothing special here.
Kane starts with some shots on Harper. Harper blocks a slam and gets a few shots of his own. Wyatt tags in and lands some uppercuts in the corner. Kane no-sells and throws Wyatt to the corner for a series of punches. Wyatt then runs into a big boot before heading outside. Orton meets him at ringside and sends him back in. Kane goes for the chokeslam early, but Wyatt escapes and bails to the floor once more. Commercials.
Back from the break, Orton heads up top for the Ace Superplex on Harper. Harper fights him off, but Orton no-sells and goes for it a second time, which is successful. He crawls for the tag and makes it. Kane comes in and does his usual offense. I should point out Kane got no reaction on that tag. A sidewalk slam gets 2. Kane hits a basement dropkick, then goozles both members of the Wyatts. Wyatt hotshots Kane’s arm over the top, which allows Harper to dropkick him to the floor. Wyatt tags in and throws Kane into the barricade before rolling him back into the ring. Wyatt hits the running senton for 1. Wyatt clubs Kane down before tagging in Harper, who hits Kane with a superkick. Harper stomps Kane’s ankle before tagging out to Wyatt. Wyatt with more stomps before tagging out once more. Harper uppercuts him, then goes for a back-body drop, which is countered with a DDT. Wyatt and Orton both tag in. Orton with the Four Moves of Boredom, five if you include the clap. He hits Wyatt with a Thesz press, sending Wyatt to the apron. Outside, they brawl before Orton slams Wyatt face-first onto the announce desk. He then tosses Harper over the desk before throwing Wyatt into the barricade. Then into the steps. Back in the ring, Wyatt begs off, then gets tossed to the apron. Orton hits the hanging DDT, then drops down for the RKO. However, he spots Harper, who tries to come into the ring. Kane thrwarts that, then gets admonished by referee Mike Chioda. Harper then sneaks into the ring as Orton tries for an RKO. Orton gets shoved off into Harper’s superkick. Wyatt misses a second running senton. Both men crawl for tags, only for the screen to go black. When the lights come back on, Harper is in the corner where Kane was, and Kane is gone. Orton then turns around into a sloppy Sister Abigail for 3.
WINNERS: LUKE HARPER AND BRAY WYATT
END OF SHOW