Before I begin, I will tell you, the readers, that we have decided not to do the “Professor Steiner Says” bit anymore. For the few weeks it was around, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Now, onto the show.
Tonight, the show is in Colorado Springs, CO, a complete hellhole, in case you’re wondering. We will have a Traditional Survivor Series match, with the Lucha Dragons and the Prime-Time Players taking on the Wyatt Family, as well as Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens in a non-title match.
Alberto Del Rio and Zeb Colter are out, and Zeb’s got a mic. He’s not in a good mood tonight, so he wants everyone to listen closely. Everyone is thinking, how can Colter and ADR share the same space at the same time as a unified front? Well, he’s going to tell everyone about their new country, Mexamerica. Mexamerica is more than a joining of two great countries and cultures; it’s the start of a state of mind, and in that state of mind, it says you must cast aside your differences, because the one thing not allowed in Mexamerica is hate. Tonight, he sees a lot of haters in the arena. ADR says if they are to become one great nation, they don’t need borders in their lives. Colter says when they eradicate the hate, they want everyone to prepare for the reconciliation. And, everyone here knows in their hearts that there’s at least one person or persons that everyone hates. The blackhearts who deny that are liars, lying to both Colter and themselves. Viva Mexamerica.
[adinserter block=”1″]MATCH 1: WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. NEVILLE (NON-TITLE)
They lock up, and ADR backs Neville to the corner before giving a clean break. ADR looks for a test of strength, but instead boots Neville and throws him to the corner for a low kick. ADR hits a snap suplex and floats over for 1. Neville comes back with a forearm, then lands a chop in the corner. ADR blocks a throw to the corner, hits a snapmare and lands a kick to the spine for 2. ADR throws Neville to the corner yet again and mounts him for some punches. He stops at 6, then sends Neville into the ropes. Neville blocks a back-body drop and hits a headscissors before hitting a drop-toehold. Neville connects with a standing SSP for 2. ADR blocks a clothesline and connects with a Backstabber that sends Neville to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Neville is fighting out of a rear chinlock. ADR knees him in the gut, then drives his knee into the side of Neville’s head. He applies a rear chinlock before Neville gets back to his feet. ADR breaks the hold to hit a knee, then sends ADR into the ropes. Neville hits an elbow, then connects with a boot out of the corner. He slides under ADR, only to receive another kick to the gut. Neville escapes a bodyslam and hits a series of kicks before hitting a low running dropkick. ADR rolls to the floor, and Neville heads up top, hitting a moonsault at ringside. Neville is up first, and he rolls ADR back in. ADR tries for a tilt-a-whirl, but Neville lands on his feet. ADR shoves him to the corner, where he misses a step-up enziguri. Neville snaps off a quick hurricanrana for 2, then looks for the Red Arrow. He heads up and dives over an incoming ADR. He charges in and gets tossed over ADR’s head, only to land on the second rope. He kicks ADR away and mounts the top, but then gets tripped into the tree of woe. ADR heads up and connects with the hanging double-stomp for 3.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO.
While I’m glad ADR ditched the jujigatame, his new finisher, which he used to just use as a signature move, takes too damn long to set up.
After the match, ADR drops Neville with a low thrust kick, then applies his sloppy jujigatame, which I just referenced. Jack Swagger then charges to the ring, and ADR breaks the hold. The two stare each other down before ADR wags his finger at Swagger and walks away.
MATCH 2: THE ASCENSION (KONNOR AND VIKTOR) VS. THE USOS (JEY AND JIMMY)
I really didn’t miss the Usos’ entrance during Jey’s time off. Jimmy and Viktor start the match. Viktor applies a hammerlock, which Jimmy counters into a side headlock. The two go into a crisscross before Jimmy stops to dance. He lands an uppercut and a chop before knocking Konnor off the apron. Viktor dumps Jimmy to the floor, and Konnor levels him with a big boot. Viktor rolls Jimmy back in for 1, then stomps him before tagging in Konnor. Viktor catapults Jimmy into a running spinebuster by Konnor before hitting a fist drop. Konnor covers for 2, then goes into a rear chinlock. Jimmy tries to get back up, but Konnor whips him back down, then drops a knee for 2 before going back to the chinlock. Jimmy elbows out before getting corner-whipped. Konnor charges in and eats a pair of boots. He blocks a second attempt, only to get a reverse Dragon Whip. Jey and Viktor tag in, with Jey hitting a clothesline, then another, then a superkick and finally an uppercut. He ducks a clothesline and hits a Samoan drop, then sets up the running hip attack in the corner. Jey covers for 2 before Konnor breaks it up and throws Jey to the corner. He then boots Jimmy and sets up a powerbomb, but Jimmy escapes and nails a superkick before Jey joins him for a double. They hit a double superkick on Viktor, and Jey then comes off the top with the Samoan Splash for 3.
WINNERS: THE USOS.
MATCH 3-4-ON-4 TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH: THE WYATT FAMILY (LUKE HARPER, ERICK ROWAN, BRAUN STROWMAN AND BRAY WYATT) VS. THE PRIME-TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEIL & DARREN YOUNG) AND THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO & SIN CARA)
Young and Rowan start for their teams and Rowan hits a waistlock. He boots Young in the chest before Young comes back with a forearm. Rowan shakes it off and hits a shoulder before tagging in Harper. Young boots him in the corner, avoids a bodyslam and hits an enziguri. Titus tags in, hits a boot, then connects with a suplex. Titus hits a legdrop, then backs Harper into the corner, where Young tags in and hits a neckbreaker for 1. Young lands some forearms and a kick before he winds up getting intimidated by Strowman on the apron. He turns around, where Harper drops him with a superkick. Wyatt tags in and clubs Young down before tagging in Rowan. They double-team him a bit in the corner before Rowan drops him and applies a rear chinlock. Young fights back to his feet before Rowan puts him back down with a roundhouse kick. Harper tags in and catapults Young underneath the bottom rope. Young tries to fight out of the corner before Rowan tags in and drops an elbow. He clubs Young down, then drops a knee for 2. Wyatt back in, and he hits a throat chop before sending Young to the corner. Young meets him with a boot, but then gets clotheslined. Strowman tags in, only to get a hotshot from the apron. Young hits a couple shoulder thrusts and goes up top, but Strowman pulls him down into his chokehold before dropping him to the floor. The ref counts as Young is out, and he’s eliminated.
Darren Young is eliminated.
Strowman grabs Titus at ringside and throws him into the barricade. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rowan is pounding on Titus in the ring. He hits a forearm and tags in Wyatt, who hits a big uppercut. Titus tries to fight back before Wyatt drops him with a DDT for 1. Harper in, and he boots Titus before stepping on his face. Harper hits some palm strikes, then connects with a chop in the corner. Titus fights back with forearm shots before Harper takes him down. Wyatt tags in and continues the beatdown before going for a corner charge. Titus explodes out of the corner with a clothesline and tags in Cara as Harper tags in. Harper charges at Cara on the apron, only to have Cara nail a kick to the face. He goes up top and hits a hurricanrana before dropkicking Rowan off the apron. He connects with a headscissors on Harper, then lands a few strikes and an Asai moonsault. He hits a suicide dive on Rowan outside, comes back in and flips into a hurricanrana on Harper for 2. He dropkicks Wyatt off the apron before Harper rolls him up for 2. Cara hits a springboard tornado DDT for 2 before Rowan breaks it up. Kalisto dropkicks Rowan to the floor before Cara goes for the flip hurricanrana again. Harper blocks it, drops Cara onto his feet, then levels him with a discus clothesline for 3.
Sin Cara is eliminated.
Kalisto dives off the top and catches Harper with a seated splash, then lights him up with some kicks. He ducks a clothesline and connects with a corkscrew springboard plancha. More kicks from Kalisto before Harper catches him and hits a half-nelson suplex. Rowan tags in and drops Kalisto with a pumphandle backbreaker. He drives his fists into Kalisto’s temples. Kalisto breaks free, then turns a powerslam attempt into a spinning DDT. Kalisto goes for a hurricanrana, which Rowan blocks and looks for a powerbomb. Kalisto hangs on and pulls him to the floor over the top rope. Wyatt enters the ring and distracts the ref as Strowman and Harper pull Titus to the floor, preventing the tag.
Outside, Strowman rams Titus into the barricade. In the ring, Kalisto low-bridges an incoming Rowan to the floor, avoids an attack from Harper, then trips him up. Kalisto hits the Kalisto Kick, then drives Harper’s head into the mat with a hurricanrana. Wyatt comes in and sends Kalisto into the ropes, but Kalisto responds with a Tidal Crush, sending Wyatt to the outside. He crawls for a tag, but there’s no one there. He goes for a dive, and Rowan cuts him off with a Pounce. Rowan hits a full-nelson slam and gets 3.
Kalisto has been eliminated.
It’s down to Titus against all four Wyatts at this point. Rowan stays legal for his team and immediately attacks Titus in the corner. Titus comes back with some punches, then hits a clothesline off the ropes. He attacks the other Wyatts, then hits a big boot on Rowan. Rowan comes back with a knee and tags in Harper. Titus shoulders him, then hits a clothesline. He avoids a corner whip and hits a bodyslam. Titus connects with a pair of avalanches and a powerslam for 2. Titus goes for another one, but Harper escapes. He misses a clothesline, then hits a Clash of the Titus. Wyatt breaks up the pin before the ref can count, and the rest of the Family (except for Strowman) join in on a beatdown of Titus. The referee pulls them off as Strowman tags in. Strowman screams at Titus in the corner before Titus fights back with rights. He hits a vertical splash and a forearm, but Strowman is still standing. He connects with a clothesline, then tries to lock in his choke. Titus pushes him back to the corner, where Wyatt tags in. Strowman drops Titus and Wyatt finally puts Titus down for good with Sister Abigail for 3.
WINNERS: THE WYATT FAMILY.
Renee Young is standing by with Dean Ambrose. She says this will be the first one-on-one match between him and Kevin Owens tonight, then asks how he’s been preparing for it. Ambrose says he got up early, had morning meditation with John Denver, who told him he’d have a match. He panders to the crowd by mentioning Pike’s Peak, then says he looked to the future, and the future looks bright. Owens interrupts and asks what world Ambrose lives in. He gets that Ambrose is a loon, but first off, he’s annoying Young, and second, he’s fighting the greatest IC Champion of all time, and being a champion is something Ambrose knows nothing about. Ambrose laughs and says he knows about being a champion, and that you have to pin one first, kind of like he did to Owens on Monday. Owens says there’s a difference between that 10-man circus and a one-on-one match before walking away. Ambrose says John Denver warned him about Owens.
MATCH 4: KING BARRETT VS. RYBACK
We get an inset promo from Ryback. He says he’s not the kind of man to bow down to anyone. Barrett might be the King of the Ring, but Ryback is the king of the jungle and tonight, Barrett is his prey. Tonight, his meal is fit for a king. It’s feeding time.
The two lock up, with Barrett giving a break near the ropes. He pushes Ryback to the floor and boots him through the ropes. Outside, Barrett sends Ryback into the ring post, then does it again into the adjacent post. Back in the ring, Barrett connects with a big boot for 2. Barrett toys with Ryback before Ryback starts to fight back. He reverses an Irish whip and hits Barrett with a couple of clotheslines before Barrett catches the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett applies a rear chinlock, which Ryback counters into Shell Shocked for 3.
Renee Young is standing by with Team BAD. She mentions the assault on Natalya last week. Sasha Banks says Nattie is always seeking attention, so that’s what they gave her. Young then mentions that Nattie has challenged the leader of the team, then asks who that might be. Banks says Nattie better be careful what she wishes for. Naomi says she knows what Nattie is trying to do. That stuff might work on PCB or Team Bella, but Team BAD sticks together, and tonight, the leader will finish what she started last week. Banks says damn right, then walks off. Naomi and Tamina give each other a confused look.
MATCH 5: NATALYA VS. TAMINA (W/SASHA BANKS AND NAOMI)
Banks and Naomi pretend to argue about who the leader is before Tamina volunteers to handle this one. Nattie boots Tamina right away and applies a side headlock before going for a waistlock. Tamina breaks it with her ass, boots Nattie and applies an arm wringer. Nattie tries to flip into a counter, but Tamina puts her down with a headbutt. Tamina hits a bodyslam, then drops a knee. She misses a legdrop, and Nattie capitalizes with a low seated dropkick for 2. She is momentarily distracted by Banks and Naomi, which allows Tamina to hit a superkick. Tamina chokes Nattie over the middle rope, which allows Naomi to slap her while the ref is distracted. Tamina covers Nattie for 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Nattie fights out before getting dropped with a clothesline. Nattie gets sent into the buckles and collapses to the mat from the impact. Tamina hits a second corner whip, only to have Nattie counter a charge with a discus clothesline. She goes for the Sharpshooter, but Banks jumps on the apron for the distraction. Nattie turns around, and Tamina hits her with a Samoan drop. Tamina heads up top for the Superfly Splash, but Nattie gets the feet up. Nattie then schoolgirls her for 3.
[adinserter block=”2″]MATCH 6: DEAN AMBROSE VS. INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS (NON-TITLE)
The two lock up, and Owens applies an arm wringer. Ambrose rolls through and goes for the same move, but Owens immediately gets a rope-break. They start to go for a lock-up again, but Owens immediately goes to the ropes yet again. He comes back in, misses a clothesline and gets hit with a hip throw. Owens fights back up, breaks free and locks in a side headlock, screaming how his is better than Ambrose’s. Owens hits a shoulder off the ropes before Ambrose hits a pair of armdrags. Owens drops to the floor and has a mini-tantrum as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Ambrose hits another armdrag into an armbar. He then starts to pull apart Owens’ fingers before applying an arm wringer. Owens breaks free with a forearm to the head, then follows up with some chops in the corners. He eventually misses, which allows Ambrose to hit a few. Owens hits him again, then goes for an Irish whip. Ambrose ducks a clothesline and hits a cross-body into some mounted punches. Ambrose then clotheslines Owens to the floor and heads outside. He throws Owens into the barricade, then rolls Owens back in. Ambrose starts to go up top, but then drops to the apron when he sees Owens coming. He hits Owens with a forearm, only to have Owens catch him with a hotshot. Owens rolls to the floor and hurls Ambrose into the barricade, then does it again. He rolls back in to break the count as Ambrose struggles. Ambrose makes it in at 6, only to get stomped by Owens. Owens hits a short-arm clothesline and follows up with a running senton for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Ambrose gets to his feet, elbows out, then gets caught with a gutbuster for 2. Owens heads up top, screams at Jerry Lawler, then gets caught by Ambrose. Ambrose goes for a superplex, but Owens fights him off. Ambrose drops down, hits a punch, then heads back up, connecting with a superplex from the middle. Ambrose hits a running forearm in the corner and tries to follow up with a bulldog. Owens shoves him to the opposite corner and charges in, eats an elbow, then gets planted with a tornado DDT for 2. Ambrose heads up top and hits a flying elbow for 2. He goes for Dirty Deeds, but Owens escapes and sends him into the ropes. Owens catches a cross-body attempt and looks to turn it into a sidewinder, only to spin it further into an air raid crash for 2. In the corner, Owens sets Ambrose up for a superplex. He screams at Ambrose for a minute, which is when Ambrose headbutts him down to the mat. Ambrose comes off the top with a seated missile dropkick, then snaps off a series of jabs before getting hit flapjack onto the top rope. Owens sets up the pop-up powerbomb, but Ambrose leapfrogs over him. Owens nails a superkick, which leads to Ambrose hitting the rebound clothesline. Ambrose boots Owens and looks for Dirty Deeds, but Owens drops to the mat, feigning that he received a low blow. The ref pulls Ambrose off and calls for the bell.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: KEVIN OWENS.
We see the replay, and it’s clear Owens was kicked in the gut. Referee Charles Robinson realizes he’s made a mistake as Ambrose hits a suicide dive. He rolls Owens back in, and Owens rolls to the outside on the other side. Ambrose hits him with another suicide dive before pelting him with rights. Owens says “screw this” and bails through the crowd as Ambrose celebrates in the ring.
END OF SHOW.