Welcome to the Thanksgiving episode of the show, and you know what that means: throw-away matches and a food fight. I hope everyone reading had a good holiday.
SmackDown comes from Indianapolis this week and the show is kicking off with the newly-former WWE World Champion, Roman Reigns. There is also a table, ladder and chair in the ring. Reigns says when he was a kid, he and the Usos would wrestle all over the house. They wrestled all over their neighborhood, and their favorite spot was the trampoline. They all imagined they’d win the WWE title one day, but saw it as a dream. That was, until, this past Sunday at Survivor Series, when Reigns actually did it. It was a short dream, though. The dream was shattered when Sheamus crushed his face with a Brogue Kick.
Speaking of Sheamus, this brings him out to the stage. He says Reigns needs to get over this, fella. He’s like a walking, talking Adele song, and that’s not good. Reigns was champion for five minutes and fifteen seconds, and that was days ago. Actually, Reigns has been out here talking about being champion longer than he was champion. Sheamus has been in elevators longer than Reigns was champion. You can’t even heat up frozen burritos in the time Reigns was champion. As a matter of fact, if he started reading a book when Reigns became champion, he wouldn’t have finished the first page by the time Reigns’ run ended. That’s some incredibly slow reading, but whatever. Sheamus tells him to get over it, because everyone agrees the belt looks so much better on him. He’s not out here to bust Reigns’ chops. He knows Reigns had a hell of a moment. First, a grueling match with Alberto Del Rio. Then, a match with his best friend Dean Ambrose. Then, after two intense matches, Reigns did it! He became World Champion! What a moment! Everyone was giving him a standing ovation! He was basking in the adulation! What a moment! Sheamus was so excited for him, but that was when Reigns’ moment became his moment. Rather than shake the hand of the man who gave him the opportunity, Triple H, Reigns speared him. That’s when Sheamus took his opportunity. He Brogue Kicked Reigns to hell and shattered his dreams. How good it felt to become the new World Champion! Reigns says he can continue to stand on the stage and look stupid, or he can come down to the ring, and Reigns can show the world what he can do to Sheamus in under five minutes. Sheamus starts to egg him on and begins to march down to the ring, but then stops and says not a chance. The difference between him and Reigns is Reigns always wants to run in and fight. He doesn’t think things through. That’s why he’s no longer the champion. All he had to do was shake Trips’ hand. Sheamus is smart. He bides his time and takes his opportunities. That’s why he has the belt and all Reigns has is broken dreams. See you in your nightmares, fella. Reigns wants to talk about Sheamus’ nightmare at TLC. When Sheamus gets in the ring, Reigns will break his jaw with a Superman Punch, then it’s three words: tables, ladders, chairs. First, he’ll fold a chair and try to break Sheamus’ back. Then, he’ll powerbomb Sheamus through a table. Then, when Sheamus can’t get up, Reigns will climb the ladder and take what is rightfully his, that being the title. And Sheamus better believe that.
Tonight, Jack Swagger will face Alberto Del Rio. We’ll also get Dolph Ziggler taking on Dean Ambrose and Tyler Breeze in a triple threat for a shot at the IC title.
MATCH 1: THE DUDLEY BOYZ (BUBBA RAY AND D-VON) VS. ERICK ROWAN AND BRAUN STROWMAN (W/LUKE HARPER AND BRAY WYATT)
We get an inset promo from the Dudleyz. Bubba says on RAW, they got their first taste of the Wyatt Family. Tonight, the Wyatts get a taste of the Dudleyz. Tonight, the Wyatts taste some Dudley wood (seriously). D-Von, get the tables. D-Von then does his catchphrase.
D-Von and Rowan start. D-Von fires off some rights before the two collide with shoulders. D-Von nails an uppercut before Rowan comes back with forearms and headbutts in the corner. D-Von explodes with a clothesline off a corner whip, then backs Rowan into his corner for a tag to Bubba. The two hit a double suplex, and that’s when Strowman tags in. Strowman calls for a test-of-strength, which Bubba uses to sucker him into a side headlock. Strowman tries for a back suplex, but to no avail. Bubba continues to grind before kicking Strowman in the gut and going for a top wristlock. Strowman muscles his way out, then nails a clothesline. Strowman hits a bodyslam before missing an avalanche. Bubba comes back with some shots before Strowman nails him in the back of the head. Strowman stands on the back of Bubba’s neck, then argues with the ref as Harper nails Bubba on the outside. Commercials.
Back from the break, Strowman is working over Bubba’s left arm. Bubba tries to break free by hitting the leg. He succeeds, but only for a moment as Strowman kicks him in the bicep. Strowman throws Bubba to the corner and tags in Rowan, who continues to attack the arm. He hits a big boot in the corner before running into one from Bubba. Bubba then explodes out of the corner with a clothesline before making the tag to D-Von. D-Von hits a flying shoulder, then another, then a flapjack. He connects with a diving headbutt, then knocks Strowman off the apron. He hits a clothesline off the ropes off a counter whip for 2 before Strowman breaks it up. Bubba and D-Von double-team Strowman, knocking him into the announce desk. Rowan then gets hit with 3-D #2 before Bubba calls for a table. D-Von heads out to grab one, and they set it up in the ring. Bubba turns around and gets blasted by Harper, leading to the DQ.
WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: THE DUDLEY BOYZ.
Strowman rolls D-Von back in the ring and locks D-Von in the chokehold. Harper and Rowan then hit a double chokeslam on Bubba through the table. The four Wyatts stand over the top of Bubba.
The New Day are shilling WWEShop.com’s “Black Friday” deals.
MATCH 2: PAIGE VS. BECKY LYNCH
The two lock up, and Lynch immediately turns it into a schoolgirl for 1 before hitting a pair of armdrags and a dropkick. Paige heads to the apron and screams. She stalls on the apron for a minute or so, then comes back in with a clothesline, except she misses. Lynch knocks her down and hits a pair of legdrops for 2. Paige kicks Lynch in the knee, then boots her in the chest. She throws Lynch to the corner and hits a kneelift. Paige connects with a fall-away slam as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Paige is hitting Lynch with a series of kneelifts on the apron, through the ropes. She comes back in for a pin, getting 2, then locks in a modified surfboard. She shoves her foot into the back of Lynch’s head while the hold is still locked in, just before Lynch fights out. Paige yanks her down by the hair as we see Charlotte watching on a monitor in the back. In the corner, Paige ties Lynch up in the ropes before attacking her against the buckles. She stomps Lynch down, then snaps her onto her back by the legs for 2. Paige goes for a rear double underhook, then whips Lynch into the corner for another kneelift. Off a snapmare, Paige misses a running knee, allowing Lynch to roll her up for 2. Lynch comes back with a pair of clotheslines and a jumping side kick. She hits a corner forearm, then connects with an exploder suplex for 2. Paige gets in a double leg and rolls over into a jackknife, but Lynch reverses it for 2. Lynch sets up the Disarmer, but Paige grabs the ropes. She then sends Lynch throat-first into the middle rope and stacks her up for 3.
Paige looked like she was trying for a rope leverage spot for the pin, but was out of place and couldn’t reach the ropes.
We see Kofi Kingston with Team BAD and a Thanksgiving spread. Big E joins them and welcomes everyone to the first-ever “New Day Potluck Dinner”. Kofi says the WWE can gather and talk about what they’re thankful for, like the New Day being the tag champs. Heather Slater joins them after they start chanting, and it’s been so long since the last time I saw him, I don’t recognize him until he starts talking. He says the “One-Man Band” is here to start the party, and he has his famous “Slater Slaw” with him. Slater pulls a band-aid out of it. Adam Rose then shows up. Kofi wants to know why he’s here, since he hates parties. He has brought them a pot of rabbit stew. The Ascension are now here. They’ve brought desolation and destruction. Kofi offers them some dinner, then denies them. They have to contribute to the meal. They leave. E asks if Kofi brought the turkey. Kofi hasn’t. E says Xavier Woods is bringing the turkey. The Gobbledy Gooker walks in. It’s Woods. He says it’s the 25th anniversary of the Gooker. Because of that, in their match with the Lucha Dragons tonight, they’re going to show the world the “power of poultry”. Before that, he needs to go spread some holiday cheer. He puts the Gooker head back on, and the three begin dancing.
MATCH 3: ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/ZEB COLTER) VS. JACK SWAGGER
My audio goes out for a minute, and when it comes back on, Colter is saying he wants to talk about Swagger. Colter taught Swagger everything Swagger knows, but he didn’t teach Swagger everything he (Colter) knows. Every time he and ADR see Swagger in the ring, they see a self-indulgent, ungrateful SOB. Why is that, Jack? Is it because of his ignorance, insecurity, or blind American loyalty? That’s dangerous, if it’s not channeled correctly. The fact is, Swagger is a hater like everyone else here, and hater never end in a satisfactory conclusion. ADR says tonight, Swagger will be thankful if ADR lets him walk from the ring with his tail between his legs tonight.
The two lock up, and Swagger muscles ADR to the ropes. ADR escapes and backs Swagger to the corner for a kick and some punches. He throws Swagger to the adjacent corner, where Swagger fights back with rights. Swagger hits a couple shoulders in the corner. ADR comes back with a kick. Swagger rolls him up off the ropes for 2. ADR hits a thrust kick to the gut and goes for the jujigatame. Swagger escapes and tackles ADR before ADR plants him with a DDT and gets 2. ADR applies a rear chinlock, then slams his face into the mat. ADR stomps the back of Swagger’s head, then hits a flying stomp from the buckles for 2. In the corner, ADR goes for some mounted punches before Swagger hits an elevated belly-to-belly for 2. ADR rolls to the floor, and Swagger meets him with some punches before clotheslining him into the timekeeper’s area. Colter taunts Swagger at ringside, and the distraction allows ADR to clobber Swagger with a chair, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: ALBERTO DEL RIO.
Well, I think we have our chairs match at TLC now.
ADR hits Swagger once more, then rolls him into the ring. The chair goes in as well. As ADR argues with the ref, Swagger grabs the chair, nails ADR in the gut, then repeatedly cracks him across the back before ADR escapes.
We see the Usos talking about the New Day’s potluck. The Gobbledy Gooker dances around in front of him, then disappears. The Usos apparently have an idea.
MATCH 4: THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO AND SIN CARA) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E AND KOFI KINGSTON (W/THE GOBBLEDY GOOKER)
Kofi and Kalisto start, trading waistlocks. Kalisto applies an arm wringer before Kofi reverses and yanks Kalisto down by the mask. Kalisto comes back with another arm wringer and tags in Cara. The two hit a double kick before Cara wheelbarrows Kalisto into a senton on Kofi. Cara covers for 2, then chops Kofi in the corner. Kofi comes back with a boot off a corner whip, then comes off the top with a hurricanrana, only to have Cara roll through for 2. Kofi lands a kick and tags in E. He misses a clothesline, but then connects with a second one. The Gooker starts dancing on the apron at E’s request. The distraction allows Cara to dropkick E into the Gooker, knocking them both to the floor. Cara hits a suicide dive that sends E back-first into the announce desk. Cara rolls E back in, kicks Kofi at ringside, then gets knocked into the announce desk off a running shoulder from E. Commercials.
Back from the break, E and Kofi do their stomping bit in the corner. This leads to the dropkick from Kofi off a whip by E. Kofi follows up with a kick for 2, then tags in E. E hits the Warrior Splash for 2. Cara pulls himself up in the corner, where he avoids a running shoulder, sending E into the ring post. Kofi and Kalisto tag in. Kalisto hits a springboard sit-down splash, fires off some kicks and hits a springboard corkscrew cross-body. He connects with a spike-rana, then blasts E with a springboard kick on the apron. Kofi hits a kick and goes for the pin with his feet on the ropes, but only gets 2 as the Gooker pushes his feet off the ropes. You can see where this is going. Kofi looks confused and yells at the Gooker. The distraction allows Kalisto hit the Salida del Sol and get 3.
WINNERS: THE LUCHA DRAGONS.
The Gooker is trying to apologize, and that’s when one Jimmy Uso comes down with Xavier Woods, who has his wrists and ankles taped up, his mouth taped up, and is stripped to his boxers. Jimmy rips the tape off his mouth when he tries to talk, then blows an air horn in his face. The Gooker takes his head off, revealing himself to be Jey Uso. Kofi and E turn around in the ring and get nailed by the Dragons and Jimmy. The Dragons then go after Woods and roll him into the ring. Jimmy grabs him by the hair as he tries to scoot away, and the Dragons then whip Woods in for a superkick. Jey heads up top, gets the head back on and hits a Samoan Splash.
We get a promo from Tyler Breeze on his phone. Apparently, it’s time to get gorgeous.
Renee Young is standing by with Dean Ambrose. She mentions how close he was to winning the World title at Survivor Series, and tonight, he could become the #1 contender to the IC title. Ambrose says there was no luck at Survivor Series. Roman Reigns wasn’t lucky. Sheamus wasn’t lucky. Luck is only good for the lottery. Tonight, he’s got Dolph Ziggler and Tyler Breeze. He’s not a betting man, but if he were…Ambrose just walks away at this point.
Kevin Owens comes out for commentary for the main event.
MATCH 5-TRIPLE THREAT MATCH, WITH THE WINNER BECOMING THE #1 CONTENDER FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: TYLER BREEZE (W/SUMMER RAE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. DEAN AMBROSE
Ziggler gets an inset promo. Owens says the IC title begins and ends with him. Ziggler guesses his four reigns never existed. Tonight, he’s going to fight like his career depends on it, and he makes a hell of a good first impression.
Breeze runs to the floor, gets back in, then gets clotheslined back to the floor by Ziggler. Ambrose then rolls Ziggler up for 2. Ziggler hits a hip throw, which Ambrose counters with a headscissors. Ziggler breaks free and htis another before Ambrose stacks him up for 2. Back up, Ziggler ducks a clothesline and goes for a superkick. Ambrose blocks and tries for Dirty Deeds. Ziggler escapes to the floor, where he gets taken out by Breeze off the steps. Ambrose then takes Breeze out with a slingshot plancha. Ziggler nails Ambrose with a clothesline. Commercials.
Back from the break, Ambrose is setting Ziggler up for a superplex. Ziggler tries to fight him off before Breeze shoves him to the floor and Ambrose down to the mat. Breeze stomps Ambrose and nails a few punches for 1. Breeze nails a couple rights before Ambrose snaps off some jabs. Breeze nails a right and sends Ambrose into the ropes. Ambrose looks for the Lunatic Lariat, but Breeze holds his feet, which allows Ziggler to nail in the face from the floor. Ambrose crumbles to the floor before Ziggler hits a hotshot on Breeze. Ziggler hits a couple clotheslines, a corner splash and a neckbreaker. The Shot to the Heart connects for 2. Ziggler misses a rocker dropper, but connects with a dropkick. Ambrose tries to come off the top, but Ziggler sees him coming, boots him and hits a rocker dropper for 2. Ziggler sets up the superkick on Ambrose, but Ambrose blocks and launches Ziggler into the buckles with a catapult. He goes for Dirty Deeds, but Breeze nails him with a forearm. Ambrose hits the Lunatic Lariat, but nails Ziggler instead when Breeze shoves him into Ambrose’s path. Breeze throws Ambrose to the floor and covers Ziggler, only getting 2. Ambrose comes off with a flying elbow on Breeze for 2. Ambrose looks like he’s seting up Dirty Deeds on Breeze, but Ziggler shoves him away. Ziggler misses a clothesline, then the two go for simultaneous cross-bodies, with Breeze getting sandwiched in the middle. Ambrose gets up, blocks another Ziggler superkick, nails several shots and ends with a seated dropkick. He does the same shots to Breeze, but then gets caught with a superkick. Ziggler then (finally) connects with one on Breeze for 2. Breeze falls to the floor, and Ambrose nails a shot in the corner on Ziggler. He heads up top, and Ziggler meets him up there for a super facebuster. Ambrose shoves him off, and he lands on his feet. Ambrose dives, misses, rolls through, then gets hit with the Zig-Zag for 2 as Breeze breaks it up. Breeze goes for a superplex, but Ziggler reverses and stacks him up for 2. Breeze rolls through for 2, then hits the Beauty Shot. He goes for the Unprettier, but as he turns, Ambrose drops him with Dirty Deeds for 3.
WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: DEAN AMBROSE.
Owens holds up the IC title at ringside and is talking trash to Ambrose. Ambrose shoves him into a chair at the announce desk. Owens just gets up and walks away.
END OF SHOW.
Amazingly enough, no food fights tonight. We did get throw-away match, though. At least the main event was good.