Survivor Series is this the weekend, and the World title tournament will conclude there. In the semifinals, Roman Reigns faces Alberto Del Rio, while Dean Ambrose takes on Kevin Owens. Also, apparently, these four will fight in a tag team match tonight, because of course they will.
The show opens with “MizTV”. Why? The WWE World title is in the ring, and that’s what Miz is talking about. His guests are the four left in the tournament, because apparently they’re the only performers on this episode. Before Miz can finish introducing the four, Owens makes his way down to the ring. Miz makes some snide remarks, and Owens says this is now “The Kevin Owens Show”. After Sunday night, once Owens has the WWE World title over his right shoulder, no one can deny he will be the man. Miz says his next guess might disagree, but before he can continue,
ADR and Zeb Colter head down to the ring. Colter says Miz isn’t fooling anyone, including himself, because everyone knows Miz is a hater. They’re not going to fall for these “gotcha” questions. They refuse to participate in this charade. Colter says Miz can call this show whatever he wants, but it’s judged by content, which is crap. Owens starts laughing, and Colter asks why before asking if Kevin Owens is his real name. Owens is a hater, too. Worse than that, he’s from Canada. How did Owens even get to the US? Did he ice-skate across Lake Michigan. ADR enters the ring and says once he becomes the “World Heavyweight Mexamerican Champion”, there will always be places for people like Owens. They need people to clean their pools in Mexamerica. Owens says no one missed him while he was gone.
Ambrose now joins the party. Miz says they were going to fight, which equals ratings. Ambrose says he’s out to help. He’s happy to be on the show. These guys aren’t respecting his system. Ambrose tells Miz to sit down. He calls ADR a great champion and Colter “Yosemite Sam”. ADR is bad, but Ambrose will go through him. Owens can deliver a beating like no one else, but Ambrose can take one like no one else. No matter what, he’s walking out this Sunday with the title.
Miz starts to introduce Reigns, but of course it’s not necessary. Reigns comes down through the crowd as Ambrose tries to calm Miz down. Miz points out his system again, and Reigns cuts him off. The system is Miz runs his mouth until his guests shut him up.
Now, R-Truth is coming down for some reason. He says what’s up is everyone is looking at the underdog. His whole life, he’s been the underdog, but he survived. He’s a survivor. At Survivor Series, he’s cutting all four of these guys like a hot knife through butter and will become the new WWE World Champion. Miz points out he’s not even in the tournament. Truth is confused. No one told him. This one is on him. He says, “My bad”, wishes Reigns and Ambrose good luck, then heads to the back.
Miz says no one has any respect. He explains his stupid show again, then points out how the tournament could go down before saying this will be the most dramatic Survivor Series ever thanks to him. Reigns tells him to calm down, tell them what to do, then asks for the magic work. Miz says the phrase is “And…Action”. Ambrose takes that as his cue to lay Miz out as Owens and ADR head up the ramp.
After the break, Miz is still in the ring. He calls what just happened to an outrage, and he can’t possibly be asked to have a match right now. In fact, he wants his match canceled. He’s an A-lister and he can make that happen, because he’s the Miz, and he’s…Thankfully, Cesaro cuts him off. Onto the opening match.
MATCH 1: THE MIZ VS. CESARO
Miz immediately goes to the ropes as Cesaro charges in, then attacks Cesaro with a cheap shot before stomping him and hitting a low running boot. Miz beats Cesaro down in the corner before running into a back elbow. Cesaro hits a satellite into the crossface, and Miz taps.
Nice spot at the end of this match, if you could call it that. Why WWE is so hesitant to bank on Cesaro, I don’t understand.
As Cesaro is celebrating, Stardust and the Ascension stop him at the top of the ramp. They stare him down before heading to the ring. We’re going right into the next match.
MATCH 2: THE COSMIC WASTELAND (KONNOR, STARDUST AND VIKTOR) VS. NEVILLE AND THE DUDLEY BOYZ (BUBBA RAY & D-VON)
Viktor and Neville kick things off. Neville applies a rear chinlock, which Viktor easily counters into an arm wringer. Neville flips through and snaps Viktor onto his face. Viktor backs Neville to the corner and tags in Stardust, who gets met with a hiptoss. Neville stomps Stardust in the corner, but Stardust fights back and whips him across the ring. Neville avoids contact and handsprings across the ring, avoids a charge by floating over to the apron, shoulders Stardust through the ropes, flips back in over Stardust’s back, ducks a clothesline, then crashes to the floor as Konnor holds the ropes open while Neville tried to bounce off of them. Stardust celebrates as Bubba Ray argues with the referee. Stardust heads out and slams Neville’s face into the announce desk before breaking the count. Neville gets to the apron as Stardust tags to Konnor. Konnor drops him with a big boot as ringside as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Viktor sends Neville into a shot by Konnor, then covers Neville for 2. Viktor applies a rear chinlock, but Neville turns and counters with a jawbreaker before rolling Viktor up for 2. Viktor stomps him and tags in Stardust, who continues the stomping before mocking the Dudleyz. Neville gets corner-whipped, but manages to block the charge with an elbow. He heads up top, but gets crotched into the tree of woe. Stardust charges in again, but Neville stops him with an upside-down boot. Viktor tags in and grabs Neville’s foot, but he manages to make a diving tag to Bubba. Bubba hits a couple of clotheslines and a uranage out of the corner. Stardust comes in and gets the Flip, Flop and Fly. Konnor comes in, misses a clothesline and gets a bodyslam. D-Von comes off the top with the Wassup?! before Bubba calls for the table. Stardust comes back in and hits the Disaster Kick before kicking D-Von away. After celebrating, he turns around into a seated missile dropkick from Neville. Viktor comes in again and takes a spinning back kick. He reverses an Irish whip, accidentally sending Neville into Konnor with a suicide dive. Neville jumps on the apron and blasts Viktor with a kick. Viktor then gets caught in the 3-D, with Bubba getting the 3.
WINNERS: THE DUDLEY BOYZ AND NEVILLE.
Tyler Breeze and Summer Rae come out for his match with Zack Ryder. Before he gets in the ring, Breeze says Ryder’s fashion sense is a little “1980-never”. He reminds Breeze of another uggo, that being Dolph Ziggler. The world’s best-kept secret is that Rae dumped Ziggler because she wanted an upgrade. Rae and the world wanted something gorgeous. This right here is exactly what everyone was clamoring for. “Prince Pretty” is here, and he never goes out of style. Ziggler, on the other hand, can do what he’s done his entire career, and Rae says that is to come up short.
Breeze gets in the ring, and that’s when Ziggler comes out. He sits in Breeze’s “VIP section” or whatever the blue hell that is supposed to be, and now the match starts.
MATCH 3: ZACK RYDER VS. TYLER BREEZE (W/SUMMER RAE)
Breeze immediately kicks Ryder as Rae screams at Ziggler while Ziggler starts dumping the drinks on the floor. Off this distraction, Ryder rolls Breeze up for 2 before hitting a dropkick. He hits an armdrag and holds on for an armbar. Breeze clubs him in the back and sends him face-first into the middle buckle. Breeze stomps Ryder in the corner before Ryder comes back with a facebuster off the ropes. Ryder hits a pair of knees in the corner, but then misses a dropkick from the middle. Breeze hits the Unprettier (and yes, it’s the exact same move Christian used that had the same name) and gets 3.
WINNER: TYLER BREEZE.
Breeze starts a post-match attack on Ryder, but Ziggler hits the ring. Breeze heads to the floor, but Ziggler quickly follows and drops him with a superkick.
The lights go to blue, and we hear chanting. Druids start walking down to the ring. Instead of the Undertaker, however, the Wyatt Family’s music hits. They come out, and apparently the druids are wearing sheep masks. The Wyatts enter the ring as the druids surround it. Bray Wyatt says let it be said that the words trembling from his lips are the words of an honest man. “The Demon” and “The Dead Man” may have started walking upright, but there are still pieces of them that belong to him. Last Monday night, he showed the world that the followers of darkness have now seen the light. He gave them what no other entity could: happiness, salvation and peace. At Survivor Series, the Brothers of Destruction will be given a chance to redeem themselves. Of course, they will fail. But how will they fail? That is the question we should be asking. Will the mighty Brothers fall at the hands of Erick Rowan, the man shunned by society, tossed like a piece of garbage, fueled by rage and vengeance? Or, will it be Luke Harper, a man whose moral code affords him the ability to inflict pain and suffering without the slightest bit of remorse? Or of course, it could be “The Black Sheep” himself, Braun Strowman. Strowman takes off his mask and says he’s dreamed of making great men fall and tearing apart legacies. Kane and the Undertaker are monuments of a bygone “error” (his word). He will shatter their bones to dust and feel their bodies crumble in his embrace. He will bring the apocalypse for Bray Wyatt.
We hear a bell toll, and the lights go out. The Undertaker’s music starts playing as the druids turn to face the entrance ramp. Taker appears on the screen and says Wyatt thinks he holds all the cards, but he’ll soon find out he has nothing but a dead man’s hand. At Survivor Series, perilous times will come, and the Brothers of Destruction will reclaim what is theirs. The camera pans over to show Kane lighting a sheep mask on fire. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, they all fall down. And the Wyatts will rest in peace. Kane then sets his pyro off. We see that the druids have all hit the ground and are covering the backs of their heads and ears.
MATCH 4: BRIE BELLA (W/ALICIA FOX) VS. WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONS CHARLOTTE (NON-TITLE)
The two lock up before Charlotte rolls Brie up in a schoolgirl for 1. She tries for a waistlock, which Brie elbows out of. Brie applies a side headlock, then turns it into a hip throw. Charlotte reverses for 2 before Brie reverses back for 1. Back up to their feet, the two crisscross until Charlotte hits a dropkick to the gut for 2. She drives her elbow into Brie’s shoulder, then locks in a headscissors, which she turns into a series rolling slams. Brie pulls herself up in the corner, where she avoids an attack. Charlotte puts on the brakes, floats over the ropes, shoulders Brie through the ropes, then catches Brie with a schoolgirl through the ropes for 2. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Brie is back up, and she connects with a back elbow before shoving Charlotte throat-first into the middle rope. She stomps Charlotte a couple times before hitting Brie Mode and a basement dropkick. Brie co-opts her husband’s Yes! Kicks, misses the Buzzsaw and gets rolled up for 2. Both women try for a clothesline, knocking each other down simultaneously. They both get up around the same time and trade shots. Charlotte gets the better of the exchange. Hits a corner splash, a Layout and a running big boot for 2. She misses the Flair Knee, and Brie sets up the sit-out facebuster. Charlotte blocks and connects with the spear. She locks in the Figure-8 to get the submission win.
Renee Young, complete with ridiculous hairstyle, is standing by with Paige. She points out everything Paige has done, from shelving Becky Lynch to mentioning Reid’s death on RAW. Young then asks if Paige has pushed Charlotte too far. Charlotte calls this an accusation without merit, or as Paige likes to call it, “Renee being Renee”. Charlotte can turn into the Incredible Hulk all she wants, but she will not beat Paige on Sunday. The way she flew off the handle was unnecessary, and a true champion doesn’t let words get under her skin. Young points out how personal she got on RAW. Paige says when it comes to her title, there is no line she won’t cross, because that’s what it takes, and that’s what a true champion does.
The New Day come out, mics in-hand. Xavier Woods says they have been a part of a huge conspiracy. Why were none of them included in the title tournament? Who better than them to be the World Champion? Kofi Kingston says Ryback isn’t fit enough to hold their unicorn horns. Big E says his opponent tonight, Kalisto…His thought goes nowhere as Woods makes fun of Kalisto’s height before putting on a crappy mask. E says he’s going to show Kalisto that size really does matter because New. Day rocks.
MATCH 5: WWE TAG TEAM CO-CHAMPION BIG E (W/KOFI KINGSTON AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. KALISTO (W/SIN CARA)
E pie-faces Kalisto before Kalisto tries a waistlock. E easily breaks free and sends him into the ropes, only to have Kalisto spring off with a Tidal Crush. Kalisto ducks a clothesline and hits a corkscrew cross-body. He lands a couple kicks, a basement dropkick to the knee and a hurricanrana driver. Woods tries to distract the ref, but Cara puts a stop to that. Kofi launches Cara into the ring steps, so Kalisto hits a suicide dive after ducking a clothesline from E. E grabs him on the apron, but Kalisto nails a kick to the face. Woods tries to trip him as he gets back into the ring, but Kalisto jumps over the ropes and then dropkicks Woods through them. Back in the ring, E hits a big clothesline and a Warrior Splash for 3.
WINNER: BIG E.
Nice way for Kalisto to rebound from his upset win last week…
After the match, Woods and Kingston stretch Kalisto out as E hits another Warrior Splash. Ryback’s music hits, and he charges to the ring. Woods tries to stop him at ringside, but gets nailed with a clothesline. E grabs Kofi through the ropes to the floor, then whips him onto his face. In the ring, E clubs him down before getting caught with a Meat Hook. Ryback hits a Warrior Splash of his own before checking on the Dragons.
We get a fake interview segment for Miz and Paige’s awful new Christmas movie. Throw in Maria Menounos, and it’s exactly as terrible as you’re thinking.
Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler has been announced for Survivor Series. I get the feeling we’re not getting an traditional Survivor matches this year.
Dean Ambrose is warming up when he’s approached by Roman Reigns. Ambrose is feeling great and how badly they’re going to beat their opponents tonight. Reigns likes it, but if that happens at Survivor Series, it means they’ll face each other for the belt. Reigns says if he gets that close again, he has to treat Ambrose like everyone else. Ambrose says he expects nothing less. They both have to follow their own paths, and if those paths cross, they’ll jump off the bridge together when it happens.
MATCH 6: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS AND WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/ZEB COLTER) VS. DEAN AMBROSE AND ROMAN REIGNS
Owens and Ambrose start with a lock-up, then trade waistlocks before Ambrose hits a hipthrow. Back up, Ambrose shoulders Owens off the ropes, then applies an arm wringer. Owens knees him in the gut and hits a forearm to the back before Ambrose catches him with a kitchen sink. Reigns tags in and hits a shoulder after Ambrose hits a seated dropkick against the ropes. Owens heads to the floor as ADR comes in. Reigns nails an uppercut before Ambrose clotheslines him to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, ADR is stomping Reigns in the corner after a tag. He goes up for some mounted punches, then sends Reigns back to the corner, where he misses a splash. Ambrose tags in, ducks a clothesline and hits several shots before connecting with a cross-body, a corner forearm and a bulldog. Owens tries to come in, but Ambrose knees him to the floor and hits a plancha. On the apron, ADR catches Ambrose with a step-up enziguri, then kicks him to the floor. Outside, ADR launches Ambrose into the barricade, then rolls him back in for 2. Owens tags in and hits a short-arm clothesline before hitting a running senton for 2. Owens applies a rear chinlock before Ambrose breaks free with a headbutt. Ambrose runns into a back elbow before ADR tags in and htis a thrust kick to the gutt. ADR hits a basement dropkick off a snapmare, then knocks Reigns off the apron. ADR goes for a cover while the ref is distracted by Reigns because he’s a jackass. ADR hits a DDT for 2, then tags in Owens, who nails a right. Ambrose comes back with some jabs before Owens beats him down and foot-chokes him against the bottom rope. ADR in, and he fires off some gut shots. He hits another step-up enziguri in the corner for 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Ambrose fights out before ADR catches him with a Backstabber for 2. ADR sets up the thrust kick, which Ambrose blocks before rolling ADR for 2. Ambrose hits a rebound clothesline off a punch, then makes the tag to Reigns. Owens tags in as well and eats three clotheslines. He backdrops an incoming Reigns in the corner, but Reigns lands on his feet on the apron. Owens charges in, misses, and gets a kick to the chest. Reigns connects with the Fly-By, then heads back in for a series of corner clotheslines. Reigns connects with a big boot off the ropes, then signals for the Superman Punch. ADR interjects, but gets hit with an uppercut. Reigns runs into a back elbow off the ropes, but then catches Owens with a tilt-a-whirl slam for 2 before ADR breaks it up. He throws Reigns to the corner for a kick, then sends him into the ropes. Reigns puts on the brakes before backdropping ADR to the floor. He turns around into an Owens superkick, but Ambrose then sends Owens to the floor with a seated dropkick. He follows up with a suicide dive just before ADR gets to his feet and slams Ambrose into the announce desk. He tries to send Ambrose back into the ring, but Ambrose spins through and clotheslines ADR over the announce desk. Owens grabs Ambrose and looks for a powerbomb, but Reigns nails him with a Superman Punch off the steps. ADR then launches Reigns into the ring steps, then hits him with a thrust kick as the ref calls for the bell.
WINNER: NO CONTEST, AS A RESULT OF A DOUBLE COUNT-OUT.
ADR continues the assault on Ambrose before rolling him into the ring. He signals for the rolling jujigatame, which Ambrose reverses before nailing Dirty Deeds. Owens comes in and clotheslines Ambrose. He looks for the pop-up powerbomb, but Ambrose instead leapfrogs over Owens, leaving him wide open for a Reigns spear.
END OF SHOW.