This week, the show emanates from Manchester, England. The main focus will be the World title tournament. As of this taping, five men have moved onto the quarterfinal round: Roman Reigns (defeated the Big Show), Cesaro (defeated Sheamus), Kevin Owens (defeated Titus O’Neil), Dolph Ziggler (defeated the Miz) and Dean Ambrose (defeated Tyler Breeze). The field for this tournament is garbage. Reigns, Ambrose and Alberto Del Rio are the only three who have a shot in hell of being given the win. Entries like Kalisto, Stardust and Titus O’Neil make absolutely no sense. Making even less sense is Breeze, who just debuted with the company. I appreciate WWE actually making a tournament to crown a new champion rather than just put two guys in a single match or put it up in a battle royal, but the bracketing for the tournament is just nonsensical, and damn near everyone is just a lame duck entry. Remember when tournaments were laid out in ways where you genuinely weren’t sure who was going to win, even if the eventual winner was the worst possible choice (Mabel and Billy Gunn winning KOTR tourneys, for example)? Anyway, enough of my ranting. On to the rest of the show.
In the tournament tonight, Neville will face King Barrett, Stardust will take on Del Rio and Ryback will take on Kalisto. Let’s see…Neville/Barrett for the thousandth time, two heels that no one cares about taking each other on, and two faces, one of which is exclusively a tag team wrestler (whose tag team has become glorified jobbers recently), taking each other on. Again, nonsensical.
Bray Wyatt, who is stupidly absent from the tournament altogether, makes his way out, followed by the rest of the Wyatt Family. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan will take on the Usos later tonight. Harper says this is the way the world works: the Wyatts show up, and blood runs cold. Tonight, the carnage continues as they sacrifice the Usos to honor Wyatt. Rowan says Wyatt brings vengeance and sorrow to all who oppose him. Tonight, they bring pain and humiliation to those who oppose them. Braun Strowman says to look at his face and see your annihilation. He will destroy anyone in his path and he will pile the bodies to the sky for the “Eater of Worlds”. Wyatt says the “Dead Man” may have risen and “The Demon” may have escaped the pits of hell, but please, please understand him when he tells you Kane and the Undertaker will never be the same again. He has taken pieces of them. Pieces they can never recover. They have become a part of him, and now, he lives in the monster’s nightmares. *laughter* He would like to issue a challenge. Brothers of Destruction, at Survivor Series, he says they make it their family against his family. The two Brothers against any two of Wyatt’s choosing. He’ll be nice and give them until the end of the night to respond. Then, 25 years from now, everyone will celebrate the day Wyatt buried “The Demon” and “The Dead Man” forever. Brothers of Destruction, follow the buzzards.
MATCH 1: BRAUN STROWMAN (W/THE WYATT FAMILY) VS. FANDANGO
Fandango hits a seated dropkick to no effect. Punches do the same, and Strowman then puts him down with an inverted chokeslam. Somewhere, Eli Cottonwood weeps. Strowman biels Fandango across the ring, then whips him to the mat by the neck. Fandango manages to block a corner charge and mounts the middle buckle, only to dive into an uppercut. Strowman locks in his stupid choke, and Fandango taps.
[adinserter block=”1″]WINNER: BRAUN STROWMAN.
Some godawful song by the “band” Imagine Dragons is the theme song for Survivor Series, proving once again there’s no accounting for WWE’s taste in music.
MATCH 2-WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND MATCH: NEVILLE VS. KING BARRETT
Before Barrett comes out, we get a promo from Neville recorded earlier. It’s basically him talking about wanting to become champion, as well as Barrett being embarrassed by a football player on RAW. I promise the only reason these two were paired up again is because they are taping in England.
The two lock up, and Neville applies a side headlock. Barrett tries to counter, only to have Neville reverse into a hip throw for 2. Barrett counters into a pin of his own for 2 before Neville goes back to his feet. Off the ropes, Neville slides under Barrett’s legs and rolls him up for 2 before hitting another hip throw for 2 as Barrett tries to counter into a headscissors. Back up, Barrett pulls Neville’s hair and backs him into the corner for a cheap shot. Neville avoids a corner whip, flips across the ring and hits a cross-body from the middle for 2. He goes back to the side headlock before Barrett picks him up and muscles him over the ropes and onto the apron. Neville gives a clean break, which allows Barrett to pull him across the top rope by the hair and whip his neck into the mat in an ugly spot. Neville collapses to the floor as Barrett looks for a count-out win. Neville gets to the apron, only for Barrett to boot him to the floor. Barrett heads out and slams Neville into the announce desk before driving him back-first into the apron. He then launches Neville into the barricade as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2, then applies a rear chinlock. Neville manages to break free before getting a knee to the gut. He gets sent into the buckles, where he avoids contact and looks for a headscissors. Barrett catches him and plants him face-first onto the mat for 2. Barrett kicks Neville while talking some trash, then knee-chokes him over the middle rope. He traps Neville in the ropes, hits a few kneelifts, then boots Neville to the floor. Barrett heads outside once again and slams Neville face-first into the apron before rolling him back in for 2. In the corner, Barrett sets Neville across the top, clubs him in the back with some forearms, then hits a field goal kick to the gut for 2. Barrett goes back to the rear chinlock, then grinds Neville down before pulling him back up. Neville fights to his feet and goes for a jawbreaker. Barrett sees it coming and knees Neville before sending him into the ropers for the Winds of Change. Neville counters into a crucifix for 2. Barrett slugs Neville in the gut and skeeballs him to the floor. Barrett heads out once more and talks some trash before pointing at the World title belt. He rolls Neville in, then tells the announce desk he’s the next champion. He turns to the ring as Neville runs across the top of the barricade and hits him with a somersault plancha. Barrett gets whipped into the barricade twice, then rolled back into the ring. Neville hits a series of kicks, a basement dropkick and a standing SSP for 2. Neville goes for a bridging German suplex, but Barrett fights him off and tosses him outside. Neville lands on the apron and shoulders Barrett through the ropes, then flips over his back, only for Barrett to drop him with a mule kick for 2. Barrett gets frustrated and stacks Neville up for another 2-count. Barrett argues with referee Charles Robinson, then accuses Neville of bribing him. He turns around and hits some kicks in the corner, then misses another. He puts on the brakes before he makes contact with the buckles, then picks Neville up for a back suplex. Neville flips out of it, sends Barrett chest-first into the ropes and catches him with a German suplex for 2. Neville heads up top for the Red Arrow, but Barrett gets to his feet and charges. Neville jumps over him, then turns around into the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett signals for the Royal Bull Hammer, which Neville blocks and turns into a pinning combination for 2. Neville goes for a roundhouse, which Barrett ducks. Barrett picks him up for the Wasteland, which Neville turns into a DDT. Neville heads up once more and hits the Red Arrow for 3.
Neville advances to the quarterfinals, where he’ll take on Kevin Owens this Monday on RAW.
Really fun match between these two, of which I expected no less, even if it’s been done to death. I wish WWE would stick to pushing Barrett, thought. They give up on him constantly.
Renee Young is standing by with the Usos and asks if they’re prepared for tonight. It’s a typical rambling Usos promo where they yell and just make noises.
MATCH 3-WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND MATCH: KALISTO VS. RYBACK
We get a promo from earlier tonight from Kalisto. He says he respects Ryback, but he knows Ryback underestimates his size. Ryback is one of the biggest and strongest guys in WWE, but this underdog will shock the world. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog. We then get a prerecorded promo from Ryback. He says he respects Kalisto. He fights for his culture and people. Ryback follows the law of the jungle, the law driven by primal instincts. His instincts tell him to devour anyone who gets in his way of becoming the WWE World Champion. Look into his eyes. It’s feeding time.
The two stare each other down. Kalisto looks over at the title belt before Ryback offers a handshake. Kalisto accepts it before hitting some quick kicks to Ryback’s leg. He avoids a clothesline and applies a side headlock that Ryback can’t counter. He shoves Kalisto off, the two crisscross, Kalisto escapes a bodyslam, he trips Ryback into the ropes, then gets caught off the ropes in a gorilla press. Kalisto lands on his feet off the attempted Warrior Press, then suckers Ryback into a kick in the corner. He goes for a victory roll, only for Ryback to toss him off. Kalisto then hits a Salida del Sol, but it’s only good for 2 as Ryback launches Kalisto to the floor on the kickout. Commercials.
Back from the break, Kalisto is laying in some more kicks. Ryback eventually blocks and hits a standing spinebuster, which he then turns into a pair of powerbombs. Kalisto rolls to the floor, and Ryback rolls him back in for 2. He drives his knee into Kalisto’s back, then whips him hard into the buckles, with Kalisto bouncing halfway across the ring off the impact. Ryback drives his knee into Kalisto’s back a few more times, then sits down across his spine. Ryback nails a forearm off the ropes, then hits a few rights. Kalisto hits a few weak punches before Ryback catches him with a kneelift. Ryback goes for a delayed vertical, which Kalisto escapes, courtesy of some knee strikes to the head. Ryback drops him, then whips him face-first to the mat. Ryback muscles Kalisto up from the mat with a suplex for 2. Ryback hits a bodyslam, then stomps him in the midsection repeatedly. Ryback locks in a bearhug, then muscles Kalisto up and turns the move into a spinebuster for 2. He goes back to the bearhug, only for Kalisto to elbow his way out. Unfortunately, he almost immediately runs into a big boot. Ryback goes for a big splash, but Kalisto rolls out of way. Ryback is up first as Kalisto pulls himself up on the ropes. Ryback charges in with a boot, but gets crotched across the top when Kalisto moves. Kalisto then dropkicks him to the floor before hitting an Asai moonsault, only for Ryback to catch him with a powerslam on the floor. Ryback rams Kalisto into the barricade and looks to lawn-dart him into the ring, but Kalisto escapes and shoves Ryback into the apron. After a kick to the leg, Kalisto rolls Ryback back in and hits a low bulldog through the ropes for 2. Kalisto lands some more kicks, this time to the chest, then goes for his low hurricanrana. Ryback powers him up and goes for Shell Shocked, only to have Kalisto counters into a sunset flip for 2. Kalisto hits a dropkick before Ryback comes back with a Meat Hook for 2 as Kalisto gets his foot on the bottom rope. Ryback is visibly frustrated before hitting an avalanche to Kalisto’s back. He does it again, then sets him up for a back superplex. Kalisto manages to fight him off with elbows, then hits a top rope Salida del Sol for 3 in a big upset.
It’s cool that Kalisto won, but it would have been better if Ryback hadn’t still tried to kick out at 3, then further no-sold immediately after the match ended.
Ryback stares Kalisto down after he celebrates a bit, acting like he’s going to attack. Instead, Ryback offers a handshake and raises his arm. Kalisto moves onto the quarterfinals and will face whoever wins between Stardust and Alberto Del Rio.
MATCH 4-WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST-ROUND MATCH: WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/ZEB COLTER) VS. STARDUST
Before Stardust comes out, we are subjected to the weekly promos from Colter and ADR. Colter says this might be the United Kingdom, but he calls it the “Divided Kingdom”. This is an army of dividers and haters. The Irish hate the Scottish, the Scottish hate the Welsh, the Welsh hate the Irish and everybody hates the English. But, he can truthfully say he and ADR have improved themselves, because they’ve eradicated the hate, and he recommends doing that to each and every person here. ADR says in Manchester, they have two soccer teams dividing the city in half: the Manchester City club and Manchester United. He can tell how divided these people are just by their reaction. Think about this: close your eyes and imagine a hate-free Manchester, united by humanity. Colter says that, when ADR wins the WWE World title, he will unite it with the “Mexamerican” title and the first-ever World Mexamerican Champion.
We get a prerecorded promo from Stardust. That’s all you need to know.
Stardust ducks a clothesline and rolls ADR up for 2. ADR comes back with a kick and a neck whip before clubbing Stardust across the back with forearm shots. He throws Stardust to the corner for a kick, then hits a snap suplex into a float-over for 2. Stardust drops down off the ropes for an uppercut, then clotheslines ADR to the floor. He goes to grab ADR through the ropes to pull him back in, only to eat a step-up enziguri off the apron. ADR pulls Stardust to the floor and launches him into the barricade. Commercials.
Back from the break, the two trade shots until Stardust runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Stardust gets sent chest-first into the buckles, then takes a running kick to the head. ADR stomps him for 1 as Stardust pulls himself under the bottom rope. Stardust rallies and gets ADR into the corner for some mounted punches, only for ADR to escape and yank Stardust by the foot, causing his head to collide with the top buckle. ADR connects with another step-up enziguri for 2, then locks Stardust in a jujigatame over the top rope before releasing it at 4. He runs back into the ring, only for Stardust to catch him with a sit-down uranage. Stardust gets in a couple shots, hits a back elbow out of the corner and puts ADR down with a diamond dust for 2. Stardust looks over at the title belt, then kicks ADR and drops him with a diving inverted DDT for another 2. ADR shoves Stardust, blocks a clothesline and hits a Backstabber. He drops Stardust with a clothesline for 2, then signals for the rolling jujigatame. Stardust escapes, ducks a clothesline and connects with the Disaster Kick for 2 as ADR grabs the bottom rope. Stardust gets shoved into the buckles, and ADR kicks him several times in the gut. ADR charges in, but Stardust blocks with a pair of boots. He heads up to the top rope, but ADR chops his leg and crotches him on the middle. After yet another step-up enziguri, this time from behind, ADR heads up top and hits the double-stomp for 3.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO.
ADR heads to the quarterfinals, and will face Kalisto on Monday Night RAW.
Renee Young is standing by with Roman Reigns. She points out he’s in the quarterfinals of the tournament against Cesaro on RAW. How does he feel about that? He says chasing the WWE World title has been like climbing Mt. Everest for him. When you’re on top of this mountain, you’re facing 200 mph winds, snow, sleet, hail. It is a blizzard, and the higher you get, the footing is worse. The air is thinner. You can hardly breathe. Every time he climbs 100 feet, he gets knocked down 50. Every time he’s been on the summit, he looks up, and avalanche is coming. This Monday, that avalanche’s name is Cesaro. He’s going to try to swing Reigns a thousand times and uppercut his face off, but Reigns can’t let that stop him. It won’t stop him, and nothing else will either. Young points out on RAW that Triple H offered the WWE title to him, no questions asked, and we go to that clip on RAW (Reigns turned him down, as you might have guessed). Back to Reigns and Young, Reigns says Trips is trying to manipulate him. The only thing he got right is Reigns is not like Seth Rollins. He doesn’t take handouts and he’s not a sellout. At Survivor Series, he’s going to stand on top of the mountain as the sole survivor of this tournament. Believe that.
[adinserter block=”2″]MATCH 5: THE USOS (JEY AND JIMMY) VS. LUKE HARPER AND ERICK ROWAN (W/BRAUN STROWMAN AND BRAY WYATT)
Oh, my god. Rip Thomas just announced this Survivor Series will be the 25th anniversary of the Undertaker and, for once, someone in WWE got the difference between “anniversary” and “annual” right! What the hell is going on here?!
Anyway, the Wyatts come out to no music, instead the lights go out and come back on, with all four at ringside. Harper and Rowan immediately hit the ring and go on the attack, destroying the Usos. The bell hasn’t rang yet, either. Harper whips Rowan in for an avalanche on an Uso, and Rowan then sends the Uso into a big boot from Harper. Harper and Rowan look for their double chokeslam, but the other Uso goes after Harper as Rowan and the first Uso spill to the floor. Harper tosses an Uso to the floor, then joins Rowan in double-teaming the other. An Uso dives onto both of them, and the two roll into the ring. The ref finally rings the bell, and we’re starting with Rowan . He misses a clothesline before an Uso hits a dropkick. He mounts the buckles for some punches, but Rowan stops that and sets him on the top for a superplex, but instead hits a super fall-away slam. The Uso rolls to the apron, then to the floor. Outside, Harper drops him with a big boot. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rowan is driving his fists into an Uso’s temples. Uso tries to fight out before eating a back elbow. Rowan stomps the Uso, then tags in Harper. Harper steps on Uso’s wrist, then catapults him underneath the middle rope. He knocks the other Uso off the apron, which leads to the Uso arguing with the ref. Harper chops away on the other Uso in the corner until Uso hits a few uppercuts. Harper knocks him to the apron with an uppercut of his own, then tags in Rowan. Rowan drops an elbow to the back, then applies a rear chinlock. Uso fights out, then goes for a slam, but Rowan just falls on top of him into a pin for 2. Rowan lays in a headbutt in the corner, then taunts the other Uso before charging in. The Uso in the corner avoids contact and sends Rowan shoulder-first into the ring post. Harper tags in and misses a big boot in the corner, going over the top and to the floor. Apparently, this is Jey. Anyway, Jey dives for the tag to Jimmy, who hits a couple clotheslines, a superkick and an uppercut on Rowan before connecting with a reverse Dragon Whip for 2. In the corner, Jimmy goes for the running hip attack, but Rowan jumps on the apron and pulls Jimmy to the floor. Jey dives on him from the steps at ringside, but Rowan catches Jey and looks for a lawn dart. Jey escapes and gets out of the way as Jimmy dives at Rowan. Rowan tosses Jimmy over his head, only for Jimmy to land on the middle buckle. He climbs to the top and hits a cross-body on Harper for 2. Outside, Rowan launches Jey into the ring steps. In the ring, Harper rolls Jimmy up for 2 off the distraction. Jimmy comes back with a Samoan drop. He calls for the running hip attack, ducks an incoming Rowan clothesline and connects with the move on Harper. He then ducks another shot by Rowan and comes off the top with a corkscrew moonsault. Rowan rolls back to the floor, and Jimmy goes for a suicide dive. Rowan catches him, sets him on the ground, and allows him to get wiped out by a superkick from Harper. Harper rolls Jimmy back in and drops him with a sit-out powerbomb just before Jey comes off the top with a Samoan Splash. Rowan then hits a big splash on Jey. Rowan and Jey roll to the floor as Harper gets back to his feet. He signals for the discus clothesline but gets met with a superkick. Jimmy hits another, which sends Harper to the floor. Rowan comes in, only to get sent right back out with a double superkick. The Usos then go for a double suicide dive, which connects. Wyatt pulls Harper and Rowan to their knees, takes off his vest, then whispers to Strowman, who takes his black sheep mask off. All four Wyatts hit the ring and assault the Usos, leading to the DQ.
WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: THE USOS.
The 4-on-2 attack continues. Harper and Rowan hit a double chokeslam on Jey and kick him to the floor. Strowman then picks Jimmy up and hits a Yokosuka Cutter. He picks Jimmy up and tosses him right into Sister Abigail from Wyatt. Wyatt picks Jimmy up and looks for Sister Abigail again, only for the bells of the Undertaker’s entrance theme to hit. The pyro goes off and the lights go out. We hear Taker’s voice, and he says the reaper is waiting to drag Wyatt through the fires of hell. At Survivor Series, his family will rest in peace. Wyatt laughs as lightning bolts hit the four ring posts. Wyatt continues to laugh.
END OF SHOW.