This week, SmackDown emanates from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. This is the “go-home” show before Wrestlemania XXXI, so don’t expect much.
MATCH 1-FATAL 4-WAY MATCH: JIMMY USO (W/NAOMI AND JEY USO) VS. BIG E (W/XAVIER WOODS) VS. FERNANDO (W/DIEGO AND EL TORITO) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CO-CHAMPION CESARO (W/TYSON KIDD AND NATALYA)
This is a preview of the fatal 4-way for the tag titles that will take place on the WM kickoff show. The four start off attacking each other in opposite corners until E and Jimmy are left standing. They duck shots from each other, and collide with Cesaro & Fernando in opposite corners. Looks like tag rules are not in effect here. Jimmy chops Cesaro as Fernando is hit with an overhead belly-to-belly from E. He does the same to Jimmy, then throws Cesaro into the other two, hitting the trio with a corner attack. He gorilla presses Cesaro into Jimmy, then hits Fernando with a belly-to-belly. He hits the Warrior Splash on Fernando for 2 as Cesaro breaks it up. E sends him to the floor, then turns around into a reverse dragon whip from Jimmy. Jimmy goes for a suicide dive, but Fernando intercepts him with a dropkick before hitting a suicide dive on E and Cesaro outside. Jimmy then takes his turn, wiping out all three. He rolls Cesaro in, then goes up top for the Samoan Splash. E stops him, and Cesaro knocks him to the floor with a European uppercut. Cesaro dropkicks E off the apron, then nails Fernando on the apron with punches before going for the lifting superplex. Jimmy climbs up to the middle rope as well, while E comes in from behind with a German suplex, taking all three down in a variation of the “Tower of Doom” spot. He covers Fernando, but only gets 2. Fernando comes back with a complete shot/DDT combo on Jimmy and E for 2 as Cesaro breaks it up. Cesaro boots Fernando, then runs into a pair of boots in the corner. He catches Fernando off a dive and hits the Cesaro Swing before catapulting Fernando into Jimmy. He then does the same thing to E before going for the Neutralizer. Fernando breaks it up with a Backstabber, and E looks for the Big Ending on Cesaro. He hits it, but only after Jimmy nails him in the face with a superkick, putting both men down in the process. Fernando tosses Jimmy to the apron, but Jimmy backdrops him to the floor. He heads up top and hits Cesaro with the Samoan Splash for 3.
WINNER: JIMMY USO.
What comes next, like ever year, is craploads of filler, emanating from Wrestlemania Axxess.
Back to the arena, AJ Lee is in the ring. The fans have known her for a long time. They’ve seen her as a diva, a GM, everyone’s girlfriend, and the longest-reigning Divas Champion in history. She loves that belt, and so does Paige. On RAW, the Bellas used that love to turn them on each other. It worked, but because of that, at Wrestlemania, she’s going to step up to the plastic mannequins, and she is going to beat them. The only question she has is whether she’s doing it alone. Paige, whether you want to join her at WM is entirely up to you.
Paige comes out and says she loves how Lee wants to skip past RAW, but she’s not fooling anyone. It’s been a year since the day after last WM when Paige beat Lee for the title, and she knows Lee doesn’t want Paige to have it back. Lee says it’s not about that. She wants the belt, and when she wants something, she gets it. But now is the time for WM, and as long as they are threatening each other, they are no threat to the Bellas. Paige agrees, but how does she know if this isn’t another one of Lee’s tricks? Lee says it’s because she hates losing. Paige is the same way. She’s weird, crazy and stubborn as hell, and she also hates losing. That is why they can’t let the Kardashians win at WM. Paige agrees, says to ditch the “frenemies” thing and become actual tag team partners.
The Bella Tw*ts come out, and my ears are already bleeding. Nikki calls them names and says Lee is a manipulator, but that won’t help them win. Brie says they have a bond that can’t be broken. She’ll always forgive her sister, because they’re sisters. Nikki says these two desperately want the title, and we all know if Lee gets it, she’ll never defend it. Brock Lesnar showed up for work more times last year. Nikki says she has been running the division since Lee has been on vacation. These two remind her of every other diva in the locker room, trying to be them. Brie says everyone wants to be a Bella, and I throw up in my mouth. Lee says that they’re right: everyone wants to be failed, D-list actors like these two. I’ve mentioned I love AJ Lee right? Okay, good. Nikki responds with the most brilliant retort ever: “Not a failed actress, no.” Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Paige says they don’t want to be the Bellas because they prefer to be freaks, geeks, widows, misfits and oddballs. Most of all, they prefer being the ones that can be themselves. Lee says they are what real women look like, and at WM, they are going to kick the Bellas asses. Nikki says she prefers no labels, but a real woman prefers to let her actions do the talking, so why don’t you garblegarblegarble? Brie pretends to hold her back, then makes some stupid comment about how being held back makes them real women and calls Paige/Lee bitches.
Holy lord, the Bellas are worthless. Every time I think they’ve gotten as worthless as they possibly could, they outdo themselves.
MATCH 2: JOHN CENA, MARK HENRY, DANIEL BRYAN AND ROMAN REIGNS VS. SETH ROLLINS (W/J&J SECURITY), THE BIG SHOW, KANE AND BRAY WYATT
Reigns is getting Cena-levels of boos. Reigns starts with Rollins, with Rollins ducking a lock-up attempt. He then applies a side headlock before Reigns breaks free and hits a shoulderblock. Rollins throws Reigns to the corner and stomps him down, only to have Reigns hit him with a running clothesline. He follows up with a series of short corner clotheslines, misses a short-arm, then hits a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Rollins counters an arm wringer with a jawbreaker, then tags in Wyatt, who knocks Reigns down with an uppercut. Reigns comes back with a back elbow, then throws Wyatt to the corner for some kicks. Wyatt gets whipped across the ring, where he backdrops Reigns to the apron. Reigns lands on his feet and hits a hotshot before nailing Wyatt with the apron dropkick. Wyatt tags out to Kane, who shoulders Reigns off the ropes. He nails an uppercut, misses a clothesline and gets hit with one by Reigns. Reigns hits a couple uppercuts, hits a boot out of the corner, then lands a flying clothesline from the middle for 2. Kane tags out to Show, and now Henry is begging for a tag. Reigns obliges. The two big men trade punches before Show hits a shoulder off the ropes, then nails a big body blow before throwing Henry to the corner for a hip attack. Wyatt back in, and he drops a couple elbows before peppering Henry with rights. Rollins in, and he stomps Henry down. He screams in Henry’s face, leading Henry to shove him away. Kane tags in before Henry can tag out and stomps Henry some more. In the corner, Kane hits a straight right, then tags out to Show. Show hits a big chop, but Henry starts fighting back with punches. Off the ropes, Show connects with a big side kick, then walks over Henry before draping him on the bottom rope. Show stands on Henry’s back as we go to commercials.
WINNERS: DANIEL BRYAN, JOHN CENA, MARK HENRY AND ROMAN REIGNS
End of show.