This week’s show opens the show with the Club in full-force. For now, anyway. Rumor has it a couple more members may be added. We go to RAW where they absolutely destroy the New Day before John Cena ruined everything.
Back to the arena and all three have mics. AJ Styles says people are comparing this year’s MITB to Wrestlemania, and that it could be the greatest one of all time. It’s not just because Anderson and Gallows get a shot at the tag belts; it’s also because Styles and Cena will wrestle for the very first time. With Smackdown going live and the brand extension, this could be the last time we see these matches. On RAW, Styles said some things people didn’t want to hear; but they needed to be said, and it’s what people were thinking. It’s been the “John Cena Era” for a decade, and it’s time for a change. The new era can’t get started until Styles takes Cena out. That has always been the plan. When he came to WWE, he made sure the Club was a package deal. They have dominated everywhere and transcended companies. At MITB, it will be no different. They will dominate again, and he will personally show Cena *mimes Cena’s hand gesture* that “You can’t beat me.” Anderson and Gallows will also beat the New Day for the tag titles.
Out comes Enzo Amore and Big Cass, who will also vie for the tag titles at MITB, along with the Vaudevillains. Enzo does his usual garbage. Man, this crap got old quickly. Cass takes umbrage with the Club dominating the tag match at MITB. There’s four teams in the match, and only one team is walking out with the belts. It most certainly won’t be the “Mr. Clean Dream Team” Styles is with. Enzo says they are the next champs. Anderson asks if Enzo is deaf. For the last decade, they’ve been traveling the world, making names for themselves as the absolute best. What has Enzo done? Managed a Hooters? Enzo apparently did actually do that (according to him, anyway). He tells some stupid jokes. Gallows reminds Enzo the last time he was in a big match, he was “sleeping”, referring to the injury against the ‘Villains. Enzo says they’re here for money, and the Club should pay attention. Jeezus, this went on too damn long.
The New Day are on commentary for the opening match. All three of them…
MATCH 1: KARL ANDERSON AND LUKE GALLOWS VS. ENZO AMORE AND BIG CASS
Anderson immediately goes to a headlock before nailing a shoulder. He hits a back elbow off the ropes, then pounds on Enzo in the corner. Enzo avoids a corner whip and hits a headscissors. Gallows makes a blind tag off an Irish whip and plants Enzo with a boot. Gallows drops a few elbows for 2, then stomps him in the corner. Anderson in, and the New Day on commentary are so grating. Anderson hits a backbreaker for 2 as Byron Saxton is feeding Big E grapes. Of course I’m serious. Quick tags from the Club representatives before Anderson goes to a chinlock. Enzo gets slammed, then tied up in the tree of woe. Anderson hits a running kick right to the gut. Anderson gets hit with a hotshot as he tries to pull Enzo back in the ring, sending him outside. Gallows tries for a big boot on Enzo, but gets caught up on the barricade. Enzo dives back in for a tag, but Anderson quickly kicks him to the floor. The Vaudevillains appear on the stage as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Gallows hits a suplex for 2. Gallows drops several elbows to the neck and shoulder before going into a chinlock. Gallows clubs him with a forearm and goes for a powerslam, but Enzo escapes. He fights off Gallows before Gallows shoves him. Enzo dives for a tag, but Gallows catches him and sets him up top. Enzo boots him away and nails a diving DDT. Anderson and Cass tag in. Cass with the hot tag offense, ending in a fall-away slam. He hits a corner splash and a big boot. The Empire Elbow only gets 2 as Gallows saves the match. Cass boots him to the floor, so Anderson dumps Cass. The ‘Villains come down to ringside, and the New Day have left the announce desk (FINALLY). Those two teams get into a 5-man brawl that spills into the ring, leading to the ref throwing the match out.
WINNER: NO CONTEST.
All four teams brawl in the ring. Eventually, Enzo and Cass are the last team left standing in the ring.
We get some comments from Mauro Ranallo and Jerry Lawler in regards to Muhammad Ali, who passed away last weeks. That leads into a very well-done tribute video. Don’t be surprised if Ali is inducted into the HOF next year. Ali actually had quite a few matches in pro wrestling (namely the WWF), including the much-maligned-yet-hugely-drawing “Boxer vs. Wrestler” bout with Antonio Inoki, and refereed the main event of the first Wrestlemania, so it’ll be a decent induction.
This Sunday’s main event is being advertised as “The Man vs. The Guy”. Even hype for Roman Reigns matches is boring.
Renee Young is with Lana and Rusev. Is this a weekly thing with these three now? Rusev is facing Titus O’Neil at MITB with the US title on the line. Rusev insult Ali by calling himself the greatest of all time. Titus interrupts, which is a huge relief. He’s insulted by the Ali comparison. Titus paraphrases Ali before saying the US title is coming home with him.
MATCH 2: CESARO AND SAMI ZAYN VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO AND KEVIN OWENS
So…apparently, the seven-participant layout for the MITB match originally announced has been scrapped, as Mauro announces only these four, Chris Jericho and Dean Ambrose as participants. At least we don’t have to deal with John Cena again (the rumoured seventh man), but I am curious as to what changed.
Owens starts with some blows on Zayn before applying a headlock. Shoulder off the ropes by Owens. Crisscross ends in a pair of armdrags by Zayn, followed a third fancy one. ADR tags himself in and clubs Zayn down. Thigh slap in the corner, followed by fake accent. This elicits a sarcastic “You speak Spanish! So cool!” by Owens. How can you not love KO? Zayn has taken control with an armbar before Cesaro tags in. He continues the arm work before backing ADR to the corner. ADR thigh-slaps him in the gut, then goes up for mounted punches. I notice they switch cameras every time ADR throws a punch. The stupid sonofabitch can’t do anything right. Cesaro turns the tables before getting dropped face-first into the top buckle. ADR goes for a tag, but Owens compliments him on how good he’s doing by himself before bailing. He congratulates ADR from the ramp before Zayn chases after him. Back in the ring, ADR hits a DDT. Cesaro avoids a kick to the back, sending ADR to the floor. Cesaro nails him with a cannonball from the apron before high-fiving Mauro at ringside. Commercials.
Back from the break, the partners are still absent as ADR hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Cesaro reverses a corner whip, then runs into a pair of boots before a Backstabber connects for 2. Cesaro adjusts his kneepads to…stomp Cesaro. Oookay. He goes up top and comes off the top with…something. I think it was supposed to be a clothesline, but it was sloppy as hell. That gets 2 before Cesaro calls for a suplex. Cesaro muscles him up into a suplex of his own. Meanwhile, Zayn and Owens are back out here, fighting down the ramp. Owens gets rolled in before he knocks Zayn off the apron. ADR and Owens get into a shoving match. ADR then decides he’s had enough. Owens cuts him off at ringside as the shoving continues. Zayn dives over the referee and wipes Owens out with a tope suicida. ADR throws Zayn into the barricade, so Cesaro hits him with a European uppercut before suplexing him from the barricade onto the floor. Back in the ring, Cesaro comes off the top with a cross-body for 2. ADR pops up with an armbreaker, then calls for the jujigatame. Cesaro spins out and goes for the Cesaro Swing. Owens superkicks him, so Zayn takes Owens out with a half-and-half suplex. ADR thigh-slaps Zayn in the face, then turns around into a Very European Uppercut. He goes into the Uppercut Train, then puts on the brakes off a kick when ADR moves. ADR then does the same before he uses Cesaro to knock Zayn off the apron. Cesaro then grabs him in the Cesaro Swing before locking in the Sharpshooter. Owens tries to run interference, but Cesaro tosses him to the floor. He sets ADR up on the buckles and plants him with a dropkick. Cesaro heads up for a superplex, but Owens crotches him. This sets up the double-stomp by ADR. Owens tags himself in, throws ADR into the barricade, then climbs into the ring for the 3.
WINNERS: ALBERTO DEL RIO AND KEVIN OWENS.
Owens climbs one of the ladders on the ramp and celebrates.
MATCH 3: BECKY LYNCH (W/NATALYA) VS. DANA BROOKE (W/CHARLOTTE)
Lawler insults Lynch’s steampunk goggles. He just made my sh*t list.
I normally wouldn’t even waste my time doing a recap, since it IS Dana Brooke, but she’s facing my girlfriend, so I’m taking the bad with the good this week. Lynch goes for a lock-up, so Brooke bails to the ropes. Lynch hits a dragon-screw and a pair of armdrags, sending Brooke to the floor. Back in, Brooke throws a kick and pats Lynch on the head. She kicks Lynch in the knee in the corner, and Charlotte gets in a cheap shot from the floor. Brooke stomps Lynch, then pointlessly does a handstand into a horrible elbow for 2. Lynch knees her in the face off a bow-and-arrow, then rolls her up for 2. Lynch comes up with a pair of clotheslines and a leg lariat. Straight Fire connects, as does a back kick. Charlotte causes a distraction, allowing Brooke to hit a hotshot from the apron. She then slaps Nattie, suckering her into a Charlotte spear. Lynch grabs Charlotte by the hair before the referee ejects both Charlotte and Nattie from ringside. Back in the ring, Brooke rolls Lynch up for 2. She throws a horrendous kick, then goes for a slam, only for Lynch to roll through into a small package and then immediately turn it into the Disarmer for the submission win.
WINNER: BECKY LYNCH.
Baron Corbin’s out next. No one cares.
Another Darren Young/Bob Backlund segment. Backlund tells Young to save his money and not spend it. He then says he saves so much because he only owns one set of clothing. Young agrees to stop shopping so much before Backlund asks him what he thinks of bowties.
Dolph Ziggler is on commentary for the next match, because apparently this feud with Baron Corbin is never-ending.
MATCH 4: KALISTO VS. BARON CORBIN
What the hell do you think happens?
Corbin with the End of Days for the pin.
WINNER: BARON CORBIN.
They’re still hauling around the Andre trophy during his matches, in case we didn’t get the message that he won the Andre battle royal with the constant reminders from the ring announcers.
We see Sheamus watching himself in a clip from the new TMNT movie. He’s selling himself and his abilities to an audience of Zack Ryder, Golden Truth and Summer Rae. They don’t care, although with Rae, you can’t tell, because she doesn’t know how to emote. Why does she still have a job? Sheamus says he’s the next Rock. Apollo Crews walks up. Sheamus asks if he wants to carry his bag. Crews decks him. Sheamus throws a fit.
Well…thanks for that pointless segment.
MATCH 5: DEAN AMBROSE VS. CHRIS JERICHO
This feud is apparently still going. This Monday night on RAW, Ambrose will have his former Shield brothers, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, as guests on “The Ambrose Asylum”.
The two start by jockeying for position. Jericho screams in Ambrose’s face, then slaps him. Ambrose chases him out and around the ring. Back in, Ambrose connects with a cross-body into some punches. Ambrose lights Jericho up with some chops, then hits a snapmare and a stomp. Ambrose stomps the midsection, then mocks Jericho with a “Come on, bay-bay!” In the corner, Ambrose grinds his forearm into Jericho’s face before Jericho nails him in the back of the head. Jericho keeps yelling “69 thumbtacks!” Ambrose ducks a clothesline and connects with one of his own. Another one takes Jericho to the floor. Ambrose hits a tope suicida in front of the announce desk, then starts tearing the desk apart. He breaks the count, then heads back outside. He tosses Jericho on the desk and looks for Dirty Deeds. Jericho counters and catapults Ambrose face-first onto the floor before throwing a beer at him. Commercials.
Back from the break, Jericho snaps off a suplex for a 2-count. Foot-choke in the corner. Ambrose comes back with some chops and jabs before Jericho catches him with a dropkick for 2. Ambrose escapes a chinlock and turns a kitchen sink into a schoolboy for 2. Jericho nails a clothesline, then pulls a page out of Alberto Del F**kface’s book by very clearly slapping his thigh on a kick to the back. Ambrose comes back with a clothesline and more jabs. He hits a couple of forearms, a third in the corner and goes for a bulldog. Jericho shoves it off and charges into the corner. Ambrose backdrops him, only for Jericho to land on the apron. He hits a quick punch and comes off the top, but Ambrose catches him with a boot and looks for Dirty Deeds again. Jericho reverses, then catches a dropkick and goes for the Walls. Ambrose rolls through for a 2, which Jericho then counters. Ambrose catapults Jericho, but Jericho lands on the buckles. He comes off into a forearm shot by Ambrose for 2. Ambrose heads up top and dives over Jericho, who sees him coming. Ambrose charges into a boot, then gets caught with an enziguri from the buckles for 2. Yet another visible thigh slap. Stop making that so obvious, guys! Jericho sets Ambrose up for a superplex, but Ambrose blocks it and turns it into a gourdbuster. A la magistral from Ambrose gets 2. The two forearm each other at the same time, and now both are down. Jericho is up first, but he walks right into a series of strikes from Ambrose. Jericho boots him off a back-body drop attempt, sending Ambrose into the set-up for the Lunatic Lariat. Jericho sees it coming and goes for the Codebreaker, only for Ambrose to catch him and drop him down into Dirty Deeds. Jericho escapes and tries to send Ambrose into the referee. Ambrose puts on the brakes, but then turns around into a Codebreaker for 3.
WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO.
Remember the days when guys didn’t go for their finishers 15 times in a match? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Jericho grabs a ladder from near the ramp and sets it on the top buckle. He kicks Ambrose, slaps him, then tries to send him into the ladder, only for Ambrose to reverse. Ambrose grabs the ladder and drops it across Jericho’s back. Looks like part of it might have hit Jericho in the head. A “one more time” chant breaks out, so Ambrose sets the ladder up near the corner. He climbs up enough to sit on the top, points at the briefcase, then dives off with what was supposed to be his flying elbow, but ended up more like a clothesline.
END OF SHOW.