We’re kicking off this week’s WWE SmackDown show with Chris Jericho’s “Highlight Reel”. He starts by just saying “Quiet” over and over again. Thrilling stuff, Jericho. He talks about how Monday night. His guest tonight is also in that match, one Dean Ambrose.
Ambrose comes out, drinking something as we go back to RAW and the “Ambrose Asylum” with Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins. The segment ended in a brawl before Ambrose laid Rollins out with Dirty Deeds. Back to the arena, Ambrose starts to pour his coffee on Jericho’s new carpet, but Jericho gets upset. Ambrose says he’s drinking in the “gift of Jericho”. We’ve lost our Jeri-Tron privileges due to Ambrose. He says he hasn’t forgotten all the stuff Ambrose has done to him. Ambrose apparently has a hole in his soul that will never be filled until Ambrose wins the World title. Jericho has been the champion six times, and he’s going to win the match on Sunday. Jericho will cash in to win, not Ambrose.
Kevin Owens makes his way out, mic in hand. He says neither will win MITB, because that contract is his. He insults the fans in Mississippi, then says he won’t tell anyone when he plans to cash in after he wins.
Alberto Del Rio interrupts. Who gives a damn what he has to say?
Thankfully, Cesaro cuts him off pretty quickly. Sami Zayn comes out before Cesaro can even open his mouth. He says everyone is forgetting ADR, Owens and Jericho are going against him, Cesaro and Ambrose tonight. Cesaro and Zayn bicker for a moment before Jericho calls them idiots. We get a standoff in the ring between the faces and heels. Jericho keeps talking, so Ambrose dumps his coffee on Jericho’s carpet. This leads to a brawl between all six until the faces clear the ring. I love that Cesaro takes the time to put his sunglasses back on after the referees hit the ring.
MATCH 1-FATAL 4-WAY: LUKE GALLOWS (W/KARL ANDERSON) VS. AIDEN ENGLISH (W/SIMON GOTCH) VS. BIG CASS (W/ENZO AMORE) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CO-CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON (W/BIG E AND XAVIER WOODS)
Enzo and Cass do their usual pre-match garbage. Somewhat thankfully, the New Day cut it off in short order.
This is a preview of this Sunday, when these four teams go at it for the WWE tag titles. Enzo and Woods are on commentary. This is another kind of match I hate recapping. Gallows blocks a hurricanrana before missing a legdrop. Kofi gets 1 off a kick. Gallows and English eventually double-team Cass before Cass hits a slam on English. Gallows dumps him outside off a distraction by Anderson. He and English throw Cass into the barricade as the guest commentators bail to interject themselves in the match. Commercials.
Back from the break, the commentators have returned. Whoopty sh*t. Gallows and English fight each other over who gets to pin Kofi. They set Kofi up for a double-team before Cass comes in and cleans house. Enzo says “You can’t teach that”, despite everything Cass is doing in the ring is stuff you have to be taught. Dumbass. The match spills outside, where Kofi wipes out everyone with a plancha. E and Gotch get into it a bit outside. Back in the ring, Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on English for 3.
WINNER: KOFI KINGSTON.
Renee Young is standing by with Natalya and Becky Lynch. We’ll get another MITB preview tonight, with Nattie taking on Charlotte yet again. Lynch compares herself and Nattie to Mulder and Scully. She calls Charlotte weak and says she can’t do anything on her own. Charlotte and Dana Brooke interrupt. Brooke is beyond disgusting and she needs to not be allowed to speak. Charlotte does a “Wooo”, because what the hell else is she going to do?
Dolph Ziggler is on commentary and insults himself by saying, “You wanted the best, but I’m here.”
MATCH 2: ZACK RYDER VS. BARON CORBIN
Corbin wins with the End of Days.
WINNER: BARON CORBIN.
Corbin gets in Ziggler’s face after the match, but nothing comes out of it.
MATCH 3: WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION RUSEV (W/LANA) VS. KALISTO (NON-TITLE)
I’m sick of seeing these two. Rusev catches Kalisto mid-entrance with a belly-to-belly off the apron, then clotheslines him from behind. He applies the Accolade before Sin Cara breaks it up. Rusev stops him in short order and applies the Accolade, which has apparently just become a scissored rear chinlock.
Titus O’Neil comes down and beats the hell out Rusev as he tries to bail. Rusev eventually gets away.
This match never officially got started, and this segment really didn’t do much except further the Rusev/Titus angle, which seemed to be thrown together from the beginning anyway.
Back to Renee Young, she’s now with the Club. She asks AJ Styles about his match with John Cena at MITB. Styles says Cena can’t beat him, and he’ll prove it on his own. He will show the WWE Universe he’s phenomenal. They’re interrupted by the New Day. They take turns making fun of Styles’ looks. He tells them to shut up, especially Woods, who does nothing. He then challenges Woods to a match tonight. Woods hasn’t a singles match in quite a while, so he agrees.
MATCH 3A: AJ STYLES VS. XAVIER WOODS
Styles hits an armdrag before mocking John Cena. Styles locks in an arm wringer before talking a whole lot of trash. Woods backs him into the ropes, where Styles pounds Woods with a forearm. They crisscross, ending in some shots by Woods. Woods avoids a corner charge but Styles nails a front chopblock. Referee Rudy Charles (it’s a TNA reunion!) checks on Woods before Styles continues to work on the leg. Woods hits a high knee, but Styles quickly drops him with a Pele’ for 2. Styles nails a corner clothesline for 2, then goes into a chinlock. Woods counters with a jawbreaker, but Styles shakes it off and goes back to the chinlock. Woods armdrags out and escapes a back suplex. An O’Conner roll gets 2. Styles comes back with a pendulum backbreaker as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Styles is looking for a superplex. Woods fights him off before Styles tries it again. Woods fights it off once more, taking Styles down with headbutts. Woods hits a cross-body and a few clotheslines. Dropkick against the middle rope. Woods connects with an inverted suplex, a move rarely seen in WWE. Out of the corner, Woods sends Styles to the floor with a rolling elbow, then wipes him out with a tope con hilo. Back in the ring, Woods walks the top rope for a flying elbow, but it’s only good for 2. Woods sets up a superplex, only for Styles to drop to the apron, where he trips Woods. Styles nails the Phenomenal Forearm, screams “This is what I’ll do to John Cena”, then locks in the Calf Crusher for the tap-out.
WINNER: AJ STYLES.
Styles boots Woods out of the ring and says this is just a taste of what he’ll give to Cena. Cena’s time is up. Styles’ time is now.
Another Darren Young/Bob Backlund segment. Young says he’s been reading a lot lately. Backlund gives him advice by telling him not to take advice from anyone. Backlund gives orders, not advice.
MATCH 4: NATALYA (W/BECKY LYNCH) VS. WWE WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE (W/DANA BROOKE) (NON-TITLE)
Charlotte hits a hip throw, which is reversed into a headscissors. Nattie rolls Charlotte up for 2 off a strut attempt. Charlotte gets slapped, and a kick attempt is blocked. Nattie slams Charlotte down face-first, then locks in a surfboard. She lets the hold go before hitting a basement dropkick. Charlotte escapes a Sharpshooter, but then gets a baseball slide to the face. Charlotte comes back with a big boot at ringside. Back in, Charlotte gets a 2-count. Charlotte hits some chops. Nattie comes back with forearms and a side-Russian leg sweep. Charlotte does a terrible Flair Flip before Nattie hits a release German. A discus clothesline gets 2. Charlotte lands a chop out of the corner, then goes up top for a moonsault. Nattie turns it into a sit-out powerbomb for 2. Brooke tries to distract Nattie, but Lynch puts a stop to that, leading to a brawl in the ring. Charlotte clips Nattie off the distraction, then locks in the Figure-8 for the win.
Gee, a Charlotte win as a result of a shmozz? What ARE the odds?
Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus is announced for the MITB kick-off show. Remember when Sheamus was main-eventing PPVs at the end of last year?
MATCH 5: DEAN AMBROSE, CESARO AND SAMI ZAYN VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO, KEVIN OWENS AND CHRIS JERICHO
I hate six-man matches. I used to enjoy them, for the most part. Leave it to WWE to run the concept into the ground in very short order.
We start out with a brawl between all six guys, which quickly spills to the floor. Cesaro and ADR fight back into the ring, where ADR misses a step-up thigh slap. Cesaro goes into the Uppercut Train. He blocks a backslide, then an armbreaker, before looking for the Swing. ADR escapes to the floor, where he eats a cannonball. Owens and Jericho each receive European uppercuts, followed by another for ADR. Back in, Cesaro comes off the top with a cross-body for 2. ADR gets hit with the Cesaro Swing, as do Owens and Jericho. Cesaro locks in the Sharpshooter, but he’s not legal. ADR with a superthigh-slap for 2. Commercials.
Back from the break, Jericho takes Cesaro down with a dropkick. Owens tags in and stomps Cesaro down. He pounds on Cesaro in the corner, then tags in Jericho. ADR tags himself in and connects with a step-up thigh slap for 2. ADR goes up top, but gets sent to the floor with a dropkick. Jericho tags in, as does Zayn. Zayn flips over Jericho and tags Owens with a forearm before nailing Jericho with a few strikes. He comes off the top with a springboard cross-body, then goes for the brainbuster. Jericho escapes and knocks him into an Owens forearm for 2. Jericho peppers Zayn with forearms before getting caught in a blue thunder bomb. ADR and Ambrose tag in. Ambrose hits his signature spots before taking Owens out with a slingshot pescado on the floor. He avoids a dropkick by ADR, then wipes him out with a tope suicida. Back in the ring, Ambrose heads up top and gets caught with a roundhouse thigh-slap. A Backstabber gets 2. Remember when that was a finisher? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Ambrose escapes the jujigatame, fails at Dirty Deeds and hits a Lunatic Lariat for 2. This leads to a brawl between the other men on the teams before Cesaro accidentally hits Ambrose with a European uppercut. Zayn then accidentally takes out Cesaro with a tope suicida. Owens gets tagged in against his will, so he wipes out his partners with superkicks. Remember when that was a finisher? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds for 3.
WINNERS: DEAN AMBROSE, CESARO AND SAMI ZAYN.
END OF SHOW.