Smackdown opens with Seth Rollins, flanked by J&J Security. Jimmy Uso is back on commentary this week, and I’m already in hell. Rollins says in today’s fast-paced culture, everyone’s always in a hurry to get where they’re going. It’s too bad none of you can get there in style. His boys, J&J epitomize style and will be riding around in a brand-new 2015 Cadillac CTS that he gave them. They’re generation, they’re up on technology, like Apple watches, like the ones he gave to J&J and Kane. He’s as eager to talk about the future as anyone, but they need to focus on the present. We are living in historic times. The world is changing before their eyes. Their children’s children, and their children, are going to want to know what it was like to be part of such a historic era. He then pretends to be a kid, asking “Uncle Joey” and “Uncle Jamie” about Rollins destroying the “Roman Empire” and burning “Suplex City” to the ground. We go to footage from two weeks ago when the Authority quadruple-teamed Lesnar. Back to the ring, Rollins says he never gets tired of seeing that. In the matter of two weeks, he decimated the other two men in the main event of Wrestlemania. He cemented his place as the greatest superstar of his generation, if not the history of WWE. He conquered the conqueror. He beat the one in 21-1. He slayed the “Beast Incarnate”. This past Monday, they did the same thing to Reigns. Mercury and Noble were too much for him. Kane is a legend, and Reigns could never measure up to him. They left him in a heap, while his best friend was in a heap on the outside of the ring. Bray Wyatt set him up, and they knocked him down. Wyatt then picked the bones. He wants everyone to know the Authority is fair. Before Kane took off on his flight to Tokyo, he made sure Ambrose and Reigns would be afforded opportunities at payback tonight. With that said, Ambrose goes one-on-one with Wyatt, and Reigns goes one-on-one with Rollins in the main event. That is, of course, if Reigns shows up. No one’s heard from Reigns since Monday, but if he knows Reigns as well as he thinks…
Ambrose interrupts and marches down the ramp a ways before heading back up to the stage and behind the curtain. He comes back out a moment later, wielding a kendo stick. He tosses Mercury before getting double-teamed by Noble and Rollins. Mercury grabs the stick, but Ambrose kicks him away, grabs the stick, then swings wildly as everyone bails. Ambrose gets on the mic and says if Ambrose is ready for payback, that’s great, because his match with Wyatt is happening now.
MATCH 1: DEAN AMBROSE VS. BRAY WYATT
The two lock up, then trade some punches before Ambrose hits a snapmare and a low clothesline. Ambrose nails a few more strikes before Wyatt runs through him with a flying back elbow. He hits a headbutt, then chokes Ambrose over the middle rope. Wyatt hits a standing suplex, then mule-kicks Ambrose in the chest for 2. He drives his knee into Ambrose’s back before applying a rear chinlock. Ambrose fights out before Wyatt knees him in the gut. Ambrose ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. He hits a forearm off the ropes, then blocks a clothesline and turns it into a swinging neckbreaker. Ambrose heads to the top, but Wyatt rolls to the floor on the other side of the ring. Ambrose follows him out, ducks a clothesline, gets rolled into the ring, continues spinning then knocks Wyatt down. Commercials.
Back from the break, Wyatt nails Ambrose in the gut off a top rope dive and goes for Sister Abigail. Ambrose counters into a schoolboy for 2, then goes for Dirty Deeds. Wyatt escapes and looks for a standing uranage. Ambrose escapes again and low-bridges Wyatt to the floor. Ambrose floors Wyatt with a suicide dive, then rolls Wyatt back in. He hits a corner forearm before Wyatt blocks a running bulldog. Ambrose hits a back elbow out of the corner and follows up with a tornado DDT for 2. Ambrose goes for a neckbreaker, but Wyatt escapes before fighting out of a waistlock. Ambrose goes for the rebound clothesline, but Wyatt drops him and hits a running senton for 2. Wyatt throws himself backwards in the corner before dropping right down into a crab-walk. Ambrose kicks him in the head, but Wyatt recovers and nails an avalanche. Ambrose follows up with a corner forearm, eats an uppercut, then nails the rebound clothesline. Up top, Ambrose hits the flying elbow for 2. Wyatt rolls to the floor and walks towards the announce desk. Ambrose follows, climbs up on the desk and dives off. Wyatt catches him and hits the standing uranage against the barricade. Wyatt rolls Ambrose back in, hits Sister Abigail and gets 3.
WINNER: BRAY WYATT.
After some commercials, we come back, and Adam Rose is in the middle of an in-ring promo, accompanied by Rosa. Rose is sporting a mustache now, and he looks like an out-of-work 70’s porn star. He says that people don’t get it, and they never will, because they’re all too “jelly” of him and Rosa. Thanks, Adam. Short yet pointless.
R-Truth comes out, and he’s apparently doing some spoof of King Barrett, wearing a homemade cape & crown, and carrying a plunger. He gets an inset promo and talks about King Barrett, but it was dumb, so I’m not going to recap it.
MATCH 2: ADAM ROSE (W/ROSA) VS. R-TRUTH
Rose applies an arm wringer, which Truth counters into a side headlock. He hits a shoulder off the ropes, the two crisscross, Truth puts on the breaks, ducks a clothesline and hits a back elbow. Rose gets pissy and runs into a hiptoss. He avoids a corner splash, then gets an Eskimo kiss from Rosa. Rose drops some elbows for 1, then goes for a bodyslam. Truth escapes and goes for a roll-up. Rose holds onto the ropes to block, then goes for a back-body drop off the ropes, which Truth counters with a sunset flip for 2. Truth blocks a few shots and hits the Lie Detector for 3.
After an interview clip of Ryback talking about destroying Mark Henry tonight, we see Henry in the back, standing by with some interviewer. This guy asks Henry what he thinks of Ryback’s words. Henry says Ryback put his name in his mouth, and Henry’s going to leave a bad taste in it. He disrespected the Henry’s name, and the name of the Big Show. Maybe he has amnesia from the whipping he took last week. Ryback has bit off more than he can chew, and if he thinks he’s going to put Henry up, he’s out of his mind. Tonight, Ryback will get his hairline pushed back, and will definitely be put in the “Hall of Pain”.
MATCH 3: MARK HENRY VS. INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION RYBACK (NON-TITLE)
The two lock up and jockey for position. Henry gets Ryback against the ropes, then shoves him to the floor. Ryback lands on his feet and gets back in, where Henry clubs him down. Henry nails some forearms to the back in the corner, then biels him across the ring. Henry misses an avalanche, and Ryback hits a few rights. He gets whipped across the ring, but blocks a charge with a back elbow. He looks for Shell Shocked, but can’t quite get him up. Ryback shoves Henry against the ropes, but then gets knocked down with a clothesline. Henry stands on Ryback’s back against the ropes, then picks him up for a straight right. Off the ropes, Ryback ducks a clothesline and hits a shoulder. He connects with a Warrior Splash for 2, then looks for a suplex. Henry blocks and nails Ryback with a forearm to the back. He chokes Ryback over the middle rope, then corner-whips him, Ryback slumping to the mat on impact. Henry hits a sit-down splash to the back, then picks Ryback up for a bodyslam. Henry applies a double trapezius claw, then turns Ryback around for a headbutt and a bearhug. Ryback fights out and goes for a bodyslam, but Henry lands on top of him, getting 2. Ryback ducks a clothesline, and the two collide off simultaneous clotheslines in the middle of the ring. Both get back up, and Ryback lays in some rights before stomping Henry down in the corner. Ryback goes for a suplex and gets Henry up and back down this time. He calls for the Meat Hook and connects, then calls for Shell Shocked. Henry punches Ryback and goes for the WSS. Ryback escapes, lands on his feet and hits a spinebuster. Ryback drops the straps, hoist Henry up and drops him with Shell Shocked for 3.
Seth Rollins is in the back with J&J. Joey Mercury shows Rollins his watch, apparently showing an email that says Roman Reigns still isn’t in the building. Jamie Noble shows him the same thing, but in text. Mercury and Noble continue playing with their watches.
MATCH 4: BRIE BELLA (W/ALICIA FOX) VS. NAOMI
Naomi grabs the hair, and Brie gets her in an arm wringer. Naomi counters, sends Brie on her ass, then kicks her in the face for 2. Naomi gets in arm wringer, but Brie counters by flipping off the ropes. Naomi chases her outside, ducks a clothesline from Fox, then gets hit with one by Brie. Back in the ring, Brie stomps Naomi down then goes to throw her into the corner. Naomi counters, runs into a back elbow, then gets hit with a second-rope dropkick for 2. The crowd is bored sh*tless. Brie applies a modified rear chinlock, but Naomi escapes and hits a dropkick. She gets tripped into the second rope, then hit with a running knee to the face for 2. In the corner, Brie kicks Naomi in the gut and hits a bulldog for 2. Brie applies another rear chinlock, but Naomi fights out and sends Brie into the corner. She ducks a clothesline and hits a version of Eat Defeat. In the corner, Brie backdrops Naomi, but Naomi lands on her feet and hits a forearm. As the ref pushes Brie back, Fox grabs Naomi’s foot on her way back into the ring. She trips a bit, which allows Brie to boot Naomi and hit her with a sit-out facebuster for 3.
WINNER: BRIE BELLA.
Bray Wyatt appears on the screen and tells Roman Reigns to come out, come out, wherever you are. He misses Reigns. After all, he doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself for why Reigns isn’t here. He’s the reason Reigns wasn’t there to protect his only friend in this world, Dean Ambrose. Where are you, man? Wyatt thinks he’s hiding, deep in some black cave, feeling sorry for himself, licking his wounds like some injured animal. But that ain’t the Reigns he tells everyone he is. That ain’t the Reigns that he feeds to all these kids. Nah, man. One versus all. That’s who he is, right? It’s a lie. The real Reigns has too many people that he loves, too many people that he cares for, and it makes him weak. Wyatt has no one, and he’s never had anything since he’s been alive on this planet. That makes him strong. He wants to Reigns a promise: everything Reigns loves in this world, Wyatt will burn all around Reigns until there is nothing left, until it’s just Reigns, standing all alone. Then, he will show Reigns the ultimate mercy: he will finish Reigns last. Anyone but you, Roman. Anyone but you. Run.
MATCH 5: THE ASCENSION (KONNOR AND VIKTOR) VS. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE PRIME-TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEIL AND DARREN YOUNG) (NON-TITLE)
Titus and Viktor start. Viktor ducks a lock-up and hits some chops, which Titus no-sells. Titus grabs him by the face, throws him to the corner and hits a big chop. He does it again, then calls for one more before tagging in Young. Young walks over Viktor before Titus gourdbusters Young onto Viktor. Young hits a sit-down splash for 2, but then gets backed into the heel corner. Konnor tags in and nails several shots. Young comes back with some forearms before getting shouldered off the ropes. The two crisscross until Young hits a rolling elbow. Konnor comes back with an uppercut. Young hits a few shots, but then gets tripped into the middle rope. Viktor tags in as Young rolls to the apron. The two fight on the apron until Young hits a back suplex onto it. He then nails Konnor with a forearm before Viktor throws him face-first into the ring post. Commercials.
Back from the break, Young is trying to fight out of the heel corner, to no avail. Konnor tags in and hits a legdrop for 2. Konnor drives Young down with a rear chinlock. Young fights to his feet before being thrown to the corner. He fights out before getting tripped. Viktor tags in and stomps Young in the back. Young goes for a sunset flip off the ropes and gets it, but not before Konnor makes the tag. He breaks up the pin with a kick, then tags in Viktor, who hits a bodyslam for 2. Viktor applies a rear chinlock, but Young quickly fights out. Viktor hits a high knee off the ropes, sending Young to the apron. Young backdrops him to the floor, then starts to crawl for a tag. Titus and Konnor both tag in, with Titus hitting a shoulder off the ropes. Viktor tries a top-rope cross-body, but Titus catches him and just throws him to the side. He nails Konnor with a big boot, then connects with an avalanche and a Pounce for 2. Viktor breaks up the pin, then boots an incoming Young. Young tosses him to the floor and connects with a cross-body from the apron. Back in the ring, Titus avoids a corner whip and hits the Clash of the Titus for 3.
WINNERS: THE PRIME-TIME PLAYERS.
Rusev and Summer Rae come out.
MATCH 6: WWE WORLD CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS (W/J&J SECURITY) VS. ROMAN REIGNS (NON-TITLE)
Reigns is still reportedly not in the building. Rollins says he normally wouldn’t want to come out and burden everyone with the formality of giving Reigns the count of ten to come out here, but man, he really wants to see these sweet Apple watches in action, so let’s count it down, hop in the Cadillac and get the hell out of this rotten city. The bell is rung, and J&J proceed to start counting.
Reigns’ music hits before the 10-count, and we see him coming down through the crowd. Rollins starts to clobber him on his way into the ring, but Reigns quickly powers him into the corner. Reigns whips him across the ring, with Rollins flipping upside-down. He lands on his feet, but then turns around into an uppercut. Joey Mercury jumps on the apron, so Reigns throws him into the ring. He puts Mercury up for a powerbomb, but Rollins boots Reigns in the gut, then powerbombs Reigns into the buckles for 2. He stomps Reigns down, then chokes him over the middle rope. Mercury gets in a cheap shot behind the ref’s back. Rollins goes to the top and hits a double-stomp to Reigns’ back for 2. Rollins strikes Reigns in the back with some forearms, then tees off on him in the corner. Rollins stomps Reigns down, then applies an arm wringer. Reigns tries to fight back, but Rollins quickly stops him before hitting a bodyslam. Rollins heads up top again and dives off, but is met in mid-air with an uppercut. Reigns hits a few more rights before Rollins lands a mule kick. He nails a corner forearm, but Reigns comes back with a corner clothesline. Reigns hits a few more of those, then nails an incoming Mercury with an uppercut. Rollins looks for another corner powerbomb, but Reigns counters witha back-body drop. Rollins lands on his feet, but then turns around into a powerbomb by Reigns. Reigns loads up the Superman Punch, but Jamie Noble grabs his foot. Mercury then comes in and starts pelting Reigns with punches, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: ROMAN REIGNS.
Rollins hits a clothesline, and now we have a triple-team attack going. Dean Ambrose’s music hits, and he runs down with a kendo stick. He swings at everyone, clubbing Rollins repeatedly in the process. Rollins recovers and goes for the Pedigree, but gets blasted with a Superman Punch. Reigns loads up the spear, but J&J pull Rollins to the floor and try to leave through the crowd. Rollins escapes, but Ambrose and Reigns catch J&J and throw them back into the ring. Ambrose cracks Mercury over the back with the stick, and Reigns drops him with a Superman Punch. Ambrose then clobbers Mercury with the cane as Noble has escaped back through the crowd. Reigns then cuts through Mercury with a spear.
End of show.
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