This week, Smackdown is live due to the Christmas holiday. It’s on USA instead of SyFy, and the network switch will apparently be permanent soon. I’m sure we’ll get at least one stupid Christmas-themed match and a bunch of backstage Christmas party segments. I’m psychic, you know.
We are in Des Moines, IA tonight, and in the main event, Dean Ambrose will defend the IC title against Dolph Ziggler and Kevin Owens in a triple threat match.
The New Day come out for the opening match, with the titles on the line. Before that, we get a promo. Big E complains about not winning a Slammy for “Tag Team of the Year”. They won’t allow that to ruin their holiday. Xavier Woods says they will give the WWE Universe the greatest present of all, and that is the gift of wrapping up the “Lucha Booties” and sending them home with coal in their stockings. All the while, they will make sure their WWE tag titles stay home for the holidays. Kofi Kingston then promotes their upcoming Christmas album. They list off some songs from the album, which you can find right next to Jeff Jarrett’s album at record stores everywhere.
MATCH 1-WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E AND KOFI KINGSTON (W/XAVIER WOODS; CHAMPIONS) VS. THE LUCHA DRAGONS (KALISTO AND SIN CARA)
Kofi starts with Cara, who is looking a bit chunky. Kofi hits a shoulder off the ropes before Cara hits a dropkick. He applies an arm wringer and ties Kofi up in the ropes for a knife-edge. Kalisto tags in . Cara hits a rolling fireman’s carry slam, then monkey-flips Kalisto into a splash for 2. Kalisto gets another 2 off a crucifix before Kofi kicks him away and tags in E. E piefaces Kalisto. Kalisto does the same and goes for a crucifix. E blocks and spins him around before getting kicked in the face. E blocks a roll-up before running into the dropkick. Cara tags in and hits a missile dropkick for 2. Kofi tags in, misses a springboard clothesline and gets nailed in the face. He gets thrown to the corner, where Woods taunts Cara as he hits a knife-edge on Kofi. Kalisto back in. The Dragons do the wheelbarrow spot for 2, and now Cara is back in. Kalisto trips Kofi, allowing Cara to hit a tope con hilo. Kofi blocks a charge in the corner, then comes off the middle with a hurricanrana, which Cara turns into a sunset flip for 2. Kofi dropkicks him to the floor, but he lands on his feet. A Woods distraction allows Kofi to nail a baseball slide. Commercials.
Back from the break, E tags in and stomps Cara before going for the Warrior Splash. Cara moves to avoid it and crawls for the tag. Both Kofi and Kalisto tag in, and Kalisto hits a springboard seated splash. He lights Kofi up with a few kicks, ducks a clothesline and hits a springboard corkscrew plancha. He then kicks E off the apron and nails another kick on Kofi before Woods low-bridges him to the floor while the referee isn’t looking. E tags in, heads to the floor and runs Kalisto back-first into the barricade by the timekeeper’s area. Back in the ring, E and Kofi do the stomping spot as Woods shoves a present in Kalisto’s face while screaming at him. The spot ends in a Kofi basement dropkick in the corner, followed by dancing. Kofi hits a running kick on Kalisto for 2, as Kalisto grabs the bottom rope. Kofi prevents a tag by applying an armbar with a chinlock. Kalisto fights out, but gets kicked in the ribs and thrown to the corner. Kofi clubs him down, then distracts the ref so E can choke Kalisto. E tags in and stomps Kalisto down before doing more dancing. E hits a standing overhead belly-to-belly, but Kalisto lands on his side, rolls through and tags out to Cara. Cara hits a vertical swanton, knocks Kofi off the apron, then connects with a springboard cross-body on E. He ducks a clothesline and hits an Asai moonsault for 2 as Kofi breaks it up. Cara throws him outside, then low-bridges E. Kalisto tags in, and the Dragons hit stereo suicide dives. E gets rolled back in as Kofi appears to have hurt his knee. Kalisto connects with a springboard cross-body on E, but Woods distracts the ref and prevents the pin. E grabs Kalisto and knees him in the gut, which leads to a blind tag to Cara. Cara lands a big kick from the apron, and Kalisto hits the Salida del Sol. Kofi jumps on the apron, and Kalisto kicks him in the bad knee, knocking him into the ring. The ref checks on Kofi, so Woods tries to nail Cara with the trombone. Cara sees it and jumps off the top rope, then nails Woods with a forearm. Cara goes for another Asai moonsault, but E catches him and connects with the Big Ending for 3.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: BIG E AND KOFI KINGSTON.
Santino Marella is in the back, setting up a Christmas party. He puts on the Cobra and puts a star on top of the tree. Stardust then pulls the star off after Santino leaves.
Renee Young is standing by with Dean Ambrose. She points out the cage match on RAW, then asks about tonight’s main event. He says he has six staples in his head, his jaw clicks from the Dolph Ziggler superkick, and he & Owens have been knocking heads for weeks. Tonight, he’s going to burst Owens’ head like a tomato, or kick Ziggler like a hackeysack. He’s going to throw everything he has at both of them and remain the champion. Owens is crying about not winning a Slammy, and Ziggler is crying about being a champion again. It’s not happening tonight. That’s not a metaphor; that’s a fact.
MATCH 2: THE WYATT FAMILY (LUKE HARPER, ERICK ROWAN, BRAUN STROWMAN AND BRAY WYATT) VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ (BUBBA RAY & D-VON), RYBACK AND KANE
Ryback starts with Rowan. Rowan hits a knee out of a lock-up, then assaults Ryback in the corner. Ryback ducks a clothesline and a back elbow off the ropes before hitting a cross-body. D-Von tags in and clubs away at Rowan before tagging in Bubba. The Dudleyz hit a double shoulder as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Harper is legal as Bubba tries to fight out of the heel corner. Harper takes him down with a double-leg, then applies a rear chinlock. Bubba fights out, hits some jabs, throws Harper to the corner and lands a pair of clotheslines. He hits a back-body drop off the ropes, then applies an arm wringer. Harper breaks free and tags in Strowman. Strowman screams that he wants Kane right now. Bubba and Kane stare at each other for a moment before Kane tags in. Strowman knocks Kane to the corner with a lock-up before the two trade blows. Kane avoids a corner splash and hits one of his own. An incoming Harper eats a big boot, and the distraction allows Strowman to nail a clothesline. Strowman drops an elbow and tags in Wyatt, who stomps Kane down in the corner. Wyatt hits a couple uppercuts and a headbutt, then tags in Harper. He sends Harper into the corner for a hip attack on Kane. Kane hits an uppercut, and Harper responds with some palm thrusts before applying the Gator Roll. Back up, Kane fights out of a side headlock before getting sent into the ropes. Kane rebounds with a DDT, then tags out to Ryback. Ryback knocks Harper down twice, then hits a flying shoulder. He connects with a corner clothesline, and…and nothing. My feed has the rest of the match completely removed. Apparently, Wyatt pins Bubba with Sister Abigail, according to WWE’s website.
WINNERS: THE WYATT FAMILY.
MATCH 3: WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO AND RUSEV (W/KING BARRETT AND SHEAMUS) VS. THE USOS (JEY AND JIMMY)
Rusev starts against an Uso, and backs him to the ropes with a lock-up. Uso shoves him away, then gets assaulted in the corner. Uso blocks a corner whip and nails an uppercut, followed by a chop. Uso ducks a clothesline, hits another chop and tags in his brother. This is apparently Jey. Jey hits a leaping right hand and gets a snapmare for 2. Rusev comes back with a clubbing blow and tags in ADR, who hits one of the weakest running kicks I’ve ever seen. A seated dropkick to the back gets 2. ADR throws Jey to the corner and tags in Rusev, who clubs Jey down before landing a gut shot in the corner. ADR tags in and comes off the top with a chop before knocking Jimmy off the apron. He then throws Jey to the corner for stomps before tagging in Rusev, who steps on Jey’s face. Jey hits some weak shots and lands a kick before making the blind tag to Jimmy. They avoid a pair of clotheslines and hit a double flapjack for 2. Jimmy lands a couple chops before getting caught on a cross-body attempt. He escapes a fall-away slam and dropkicks Rusev to the floor. ADR runs in and misses a dropkick, hitting the floor. Jimmy backdrops Jey onto Rusev and ADR, then hits a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Jimmy heads up top. ADR jumps on the apron, only to have Jey grab his foot. Jimmy knocks him to the floor, but then gets sent to the floor himself, courtesy of a Rusev roundhouse. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rusev has Jimmy locked in a trapezius claw. Jimmy fights to his feet and hits a few weak gut shots before landing a reverse Dragon Whip. Jey and ADR tag in. Jey gets in a couple clotheslines, a low superkick, an uppercut and a Samoan drop off a missed clothesline. Jey sets up the running hip attack, which connects for 2 as Rusev breaks it up. Jimmy knocks Rusev to the floor with an uppercut, then heads out, only to get knocked into the steps. Back in the ring, Jey backdrops ADR in the corner, but he lands on his feet on the apron and hits a hotshot. ADR heads up top, but gets cut off with a pair of uppercuts. Jey goes for a superplex, but ADR fights him off and gets him hung up in the buckles. Jey grabs ADR’s hair to avoid the double stomp, but that’s when Barrett jumps on the apron. The distraction allows ADR to superkick Jey in the back, and ADR finishes him off with the double stomp for 3.
WINNERS: ALBERTO DEL RIO AND RUSEV.
The League of Nations continue the attack after the match. Jimmy is rolled in as Jey is dragged out. Barrett, ADR and Rusev hold Jimmy up for a Sheamus Brogue Kick, but Roman Reigns comes out through the crowd, drags Sheamus to the floor, then launches him over the announce desk. Barrett comes around the corner, allowing ADR to attack Reigns from behind. Reigns blocks a slam into the announce desk and hits one of his own before rolling ADR back in. He hits Rusev with a hotshot, then nails the Superman Punch on ADR. Rusev misses a superkick on Reigns, then gets caught with a superkick from Jimmy before eating a Superman Punch.
The Ascension are in the ring for a match, when Santino Marella comes out. He presents “Santino’s Little Helpers”, Titus O’Neil and Neville.
MATCH 4: THE ASCENSION (KONNOR AND VIKTOR, W/STARDUST) VS. TITUS O’NEIL AND NEVILLE (W/SANTINO MARELLA)
Neville starts with Konnor and applies a side headlock. He slides through on an Irish whip attempt, hits a few kicks, avoids a corner whip, flips across the ring and hits a boot out of the corner before connecting with a middle-rope cross-body for 2. Konnor comes back with a forearm, then tags in Viktor. Viktor lights Neville up with a chop before clubbing him down. Konnor tags back in and gets sent in for an avalanche before sending Neville in for a high knee from Viktor for 2. Konnor sets up what looks like an over-the-shoulder backbreaker, but Neville escapes to the corner. He avoids a splash before Viktor tags in. Viktor misses several elbow drops, allowing Neville to tag in Titus. Titus hits a big shoulder, then avalanches Konnor in the corner. He takes Viktor down with a clothesline, clotheslines Konnor to the floor, ducks a clothesline, misses one of his own, then runs into a boot. Stardust and Santino get into it on the floor, and all three members of the Cosmic Wasteland surround Santino. Santino pulls the Cobra out, but then uses it to wipe his face. The distraction allows Neville to wipe out all three with a twisting suicide dive. Viktor gets rolled back into the ring and turned inside-out with a big boot. Neville tags in and hits the Red Arrow for 3.
WINNERS: NEVILLE AND TITUS O’NEIL.
When was the last time the Ascension actually won a match?
Renee Young is standing by with Dolph Ziggler. She says he’s been involved in the IC title scene for weeks, then asks about tonight. He says he’s been going about this all wrong. Everyone keeps getting involved in his matches. He’s stuck in the middle, and he’s better than this. The IC title was the first title he ever won in WWE. A win tonight not only gives him the belt back, but it puts him back on top. 2016 will be his year, and he has only one thing left to do: win the whole thing.
MATCH 5: BRIE BELLA VS. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION CHARLOTTE (NON-TITLE)
Charlotte is wearing Christmas-themed gear, and Becky Lynch, who is on commentary, has Christmas-themed goggles on. It’s not truly a themed match, but close enough for me, and therefore, my psychic predictions were correct. Man, I’m good. Charlotte shoves Brie away, then does the Flair strut before going into a lock-up. She backs Brie to the corner, gives a clean break, then runs into an elbow. She blocks a pair of boots and whips Brie down by the neck for 2. Charlotte drops a pair of knees for 2, then grinds her knee into Brie’s face. Charlotte locks in a cravat, hits a few knees to the face, then grinds Brie down. She lets go to whip Brie down by the neck again, then misses the Flair knee. She rolls through, but then gets hit with forearms. Brie hits a couple clotheslines and a dropkick, setting up Brie Mode. Brie heads to the middle and hits a missile dropkick before connecting with some kicks to the chess. She misses a Buzzsaw and gets caught with a spear. Team BAD comes out, and they’re all dressed like idiots. I mean, they’re wearing Christmas costumes. Same thing. Naomi goes up to Lynch and dumps eggnog on her. Lynch tackles Naomi as Tamina and Banks jump her. Charlotte looks on like she’s going to help, then instead locks in the Figure-8 on Brie for the submission win as Team BAD head back up the ramp.
Charlotte half-heartedly checks on Lynch, then starts laughing. So…Lynch is now going to be the only face in the entire division.
Renee Young is now with Kevin Owens. Owens says this match tonight is for HIS IC title. The Slammy for “Breakout Star of the Year”, but that’s his, too, even if Neville is carrying. Everyone knows he was the breakout star, and everyone knows he’s the real IC title. Tonight, he takes back what’s his. Young mentions Dolph Ziggler is in the match as well. Owens asks if she’s seen what he’s done to Ziggler. Owens keeps powerbombing him, and will do it again. Tonight, he turns this into “The Kevin Owens Show”, and he’s walking out the IC title. He then says she looks ridiculous (which she does).
MATCH 6-TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: DEAN AMBROSE (CHAMPION) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. KEVIN OWENS
Ambrose ducks an Owens clothesline, and Owens then gets caught with a dropkick by Ziggler before Ambrose clotheslines him to the floor. Ambrose and Ziggler then trade punches before Ziggler applies a side headlock. He then hits a shoulder and goes into a crisscross before Owens grabs him by the foot and drags him to the floor. Owens goes for a powerbomb on the floor, but Ambrose wipes him out with a suicide dive. Ziggler nails Ambrose from behind and whips him into the ring. Ambrose spins through, and the two collide on simultaneous clotheslines. Owens then hits them both with a running senton. Commercials.
Back from the break, Owens and Ambrose brawl as Ziggler is laid out on the mat. Ambrose low-bridges Owens, then gets clotheslined to the floor by Ziggler. Ziggler kicks Owens and brawls with him up the ramp. Ambrose joins the party before Owens gets launched into the Christmas tree display on the stage. Owens starts throwing presents and trees at both of his opponents, then kicks a present into Ziggler. He goes for a powerbomb on Ambrose, but gets nailed with a Ziggler superkick. The two then throw him into another Christmas display next to the ramp before they brawl with each other. Ambrose throws a box at Ziggler, who responds with shots from a tree. Ziggler takes Ambrose back down to ringside and slams him face-first into the steps. Back in the ring, Ziggler hits a corner splash and goes for a neckbreaker. Ambrose spins through and hits a back suplex into a sit-out facebuster for 2. Ambrose heads up top, but gets met by Ziggler, who goes for a superplex. Ambrose blocks, and now Owens is back in. He gets Ziggler up in an electric chair and drops him. Ziggler lands on his feet and superkicks Ambrose. Owens superkicks Ziggler. Ambrose clotheslines Owens. Owens drops to the floor as Ziggler runs into a boot by Ambrose. Ambrose heads up again, and Ziggler catches him with a super facebuster for 2 as Owens drags Ziggler to the floor. He launches Ziggler into the steps, then covers Ambrose for a 2-count. Owens argues with the referee about the count, then hits Ambrose with a short-arm. Ziggler comes back in and locks in a scissored sleeper on Owens. Owens tries to break it by ramming back-first into the buckles, then just runs and drops Ziggler onto Ambrose in a backpack senton. Owens tosses Ziggler shoulder-first into the ring post. Ziggler crashes to the floor as Owens hits Ambrose with a t-bone suplex for 2. The referee shoves Owens back so he can check on Ambrose. Ambrose nods that he’s okay as Owens heads to the floor and throws Ziggler into the barricade with a fall-away slam. Owens starts screaming in Ambrose’s face back in the ring before they trade some blows. Owens clubs Ambrose down, runs into a back elbow then avoids the Lunatic Lariat. Ambrose grabs him by the arm, however, and sets him up for Dirty Deeds. Ziggler comes in out of nowhere with a Zig-Zag on Ambrose, causing Ambrose to drop Owens with Dirty Deeds at the same time. Ziggler covers Ambrose, but only gets 2. Ziggler sets up the superkick on Ambrose, but Ambrose blocks. The two trade roll-up attempts before Ambrose grabs the ropes. Ziggler rolls off, rolls to his feet and blasts Owens with a superkick. Ambrose then turns him around and plants him with Dirty Deeds for 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: DEAN AMBROSE.
END OF SHOW.
Happy Festivus, everyone!