This is the 900th episode of WWE Smackdown, and we are in Wilks-Barre, PA this week. Before I get into the recap, I unfortunately came across some spoilers for this show that left a sour taste in my mouth, one in particular.
I want to thank everyone at CCB for supporting me, and those of you who have kept reading all these years, thank you very much. I appreciate the support from everyone involved. If you want to keep up with me, I’ll still be writing for Geek Pride and Burning Angel from here on out, and you can still reach me via my Facebook writer’s page (Facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter). Again, thanks for a great few years. I’m sorry I can’t continue on.
And now, onto the show.
The show opens up the Shane McMahon. Might as well start on a sour note, right? He’s followed immediately by Daniel Bryan. Shane welcomes everyone to the show. Bryan announces Edge will be here tonight to host an episode of “The Cutting Edge”. Speaking of returns, after 3 1/2 years, the Undertaker returns to the show. Shane then announces that the show’s action will begin with the announced IC title match.
MATCH 1-INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THE MIZ (W/MARYSE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (CHAMPION)
The winner goes onto a title match against RAW’s Sami Zayn at Survivor Series. And…that’s all I’m gonna say, because I don’t give a crap about watching these two wrestle for the billionth time.
During the match, JBL rightfully points out David Otunga only has a job because of who his wife is. I’m glad someone finally said it on the air, even if it was a giant toolbox like JBL. Also, at one point, Miz does Daniel Bryan’s Yes! Kicks and running knee, with both looking like sh*t. The Spirit Squad interfere at the end, allowing Miz to lock Ziggler in the figure-4. Ziggler escapes and gets in a small package, which Maryse helps Miz reverse into a 3.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: THE MIZ
…And there is the big reason I can’t watch or do this anymore.
We go to Daniel Bryan’s office. Alexa Bliss is pissing and moaning at 90 mph about what happened last week. Bryan doesn’t care. He declares the referee’s decision final. He says she’ll get a rematch, but right now, she needs to focus her energy on Survivor Series. Natalya walks in with her whistle. She starts quoting Chumbawumba.
MATCH 2: ONEY LORCAN VS. KALISTO
Lorcan is an NXT guy. Kalisto pins him in relatively short order with the Salida del Sol.
We see the teams for Smackdown’s side for the 10-team match at Survivor Series. Heath Slater and Rhyno have brought a motivational speaker to get them unified. That speaker is King Booker. Breezango interrupt and have uniforms for the team. They’re puffy shirts. Book switches into Booker T mode. He lays into Breezango before blowing his nose on the puffy shirt.
MATCH 3: NIKKI BELLA VS. CARMELLA
Great match if you love screeching and gross dancing. And sleepers. Charlotte shows up in the crowd, ticket-in-hand. Nikki takes a shot at Charlotte at one point and pulls her over the barricade and into the ring for the brawl. This match has been thrown out.
WINNER: NO CONTEST
The rest of Team RAW hit the ring and go to work on both Carmella and Nikki. Becky Lynch, Natalya, Alexa Bliss and Naomi hit the ring, leading to a 12-woman brawl. Nia Jax throws everyone around before missing a spear on Lynch, sending herself through the barricade. Naomi wipes out the rest of the RAW girls with a springboard plancha.
We see the Undertaker’s shadow in a dark room.
MATCH 4: THE ASCENSION (KONNOR & VIKTOR), THE HEADBANGERS (MOSH & THRASHER), THE SPIRIT SQUAD (KENNY & MIKEY) AND THE VAUDEVILLAINS (AIDEN ENGLISH & SIMON GOTCH ) VS. AMERICAN ALPHA (CHAD GABLE & JASON JORDAN), BREEZANGO (TYLER BREEZE & FANDANGO), THE HYPE BROS (MOJO RAWLEY & ZACK RYDER) AND THE USOS (JEY & JIMMY) (W/RHYNO AND HEATH SLATER)
Gable pins Thrasher with the Grand Amplitude.
WINNERS: AMERICAN ALPHA, BREEZANGO, THE HYPE BROS AND THE USOS
Edge comes out for “The Cutting Edge”. His guests tonight are the Team Smackdown representatives in the 5-on-5 Survivor Series Match-Dean Ambrose, Shane McMahon, Randy Orton, AJ Styles and Bray Wyatt. Edge talks about helping make this show, so he has a vested interest in the match. He brings out Team Smackdown, along with their official mascot, James Ellsworth. There’s one guy on the team Edge would like to shake hands with. Of course it’s Ellsworth. Ellsworth wants to do a 5-second pose. Styles isn’t having it. He tells Edge to ask questions of people on the team who matter. Edge turns to Orton. Edge tries to talk to him, but Orton is staring off into space. Wyatt says the old Orton is dead. On Sunday, Orton will be more dangerous than ever before. Shane tells the team they don’t have to get along, but they have to be on the same page for one night. He dresses down Styles. Styles dresses down Ambrose. They start arguing with each other before Ambrose starts hyping his title match at TLC.
Shane tries to calm things down, and that’s when the Undertaker comes out. Takes him damn near 5 minutes. He stares Shane down as a “Holy sh*t” chant breaks out for no reason. Taker says Shane is the best person for the job as commissioner because he has no fear. Taker is here for 2 reasons: the first is that Wrestlemania will no longer define who he is. He’s back to take souls and dig holes. Survivor Series is where he was born, and Smackdown has always been his home. That brings us to the second reason, which is that there is no reason to fear failure. But if Smackdown fails (a “You still got it” chant breaks out for no reason), those on the team will have reason to fear “The Dead Man”. Team RAW better rest. In. Peace.
Well! Thanks for that waste of time.
And on that note, I take my leave.
END OF SHOW