MATCH 1-WWE Tag Team ChampionsThe Usos (Jey and Jimmy) vs. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (non-title)
The Rhodes boys get the jobber non-entrance. I smell a break-up soon. Jey and Goldust start with a Goldust applying a headlock. He hits an inverted atomic drop off the ropes, reverses an armdrag, then gets hit with one himself. He and Jey trade shoves, then Goldust nails a slap to the face. Rhodes tags in and hits a springboard seated dropkick for 2. He applies a hammerlock, but Jey backs him to the corner. Jimmy tags in and hits a corner forearm. A snapmare gets 1. Jimmy hits a chop and tags to Jey. The Usos hit a double back elbow and a double elbow drop for 2. Jey applies an armbar before tagging out to Jimmy. Jimmy comes off the top with a double axe handle. Rhodes counters a corner whip with an Oklahoma Roll for 2. A jackknife gets another 2. Jimmy nails an uppercut before Jey tags in. Rhodes backs him to the corner and tags in Goldust. Goldust hits a pair of elbows off the ropes for 2. Rhodes hits a cheapshot from the apron, and Goldust knocks him to the floor. Behind the ref’s back, Rhodes hits a quick kick. Goldust drops to the floor and rolls Jey back in for 2, then lands a kick to the back before tagging out to Rhodes. Commercials.
Back from the break, Jey gets corner-whipped and crashes next to the apron for 2 as he gets a rope break. Goldust tags in and sends Jey shoulder-first into the ring post. Outside, Goldust hits an uppercut before rolling back in to get a 2-count. He applies an armbar/chinlock combo, but Jey rolls out of that. He turns around into a spinebuster for 2. Rhodes in, and he comes off the top with a double axe handle. They trade shots for a moment until Rhodes assaults Jey, stomping him down in the process. He applies an arm scissors, then goes for an Irish whip. Jey hits an uppercut off the ropes, but then Rhodes nails one of his own. Jey comes back with a reverse Dragon Whip. Goldust tags in and cuts Jey off from making the tag. Jey comes back with a kick and low-bridges Goldust to the floor. Rhodes rolls Goldust back in so he can tag out. Jimmy and Rhodes tag in, with Jimmy hitting all of the hot tag offense, ending in a Samoan drop. He hits the running hip bump in the corner and goes for the pin, getting 2. Rhodes blocks a clothesline and goes for Cross Rhodes. Jimmy rolls out of it and hits a corkscrew moonsault for 2 as Goldust breaks it up. Jey tries to intervene, and Goldust clotheslines him to the floor. Goldust goes for a somersault plancha from the apron, but Jimmy knocks him out with a superkick. The momentary distraction allows Rhodes to connect with the Disaster Kick. He gets 2, but Jey drags him outside. He kicks Jey away, then turns around into a superkick. Jimmy then connects with a Samoan Splash for 3.
WINNERS: The Usos.
John Cena makes his way out, apparently to respond to the challenge laid out by Bray Wyatt this past Monday night. He says that, before he talks about that, one of the worst things you can see is bad things happen to good people. Daniel Bryan, heal well and come back soon. Now, he came out to respond to the challenge, but he doesn’t really know what the challenge is. Wyatt said “Last man standing” several times. Cena doesn’t think that’s the challenge, because Wyatt doesn’t know what that’s like. In Last Man Standing, there are no rules, no pinfalls, no submissions, no DQ or count-out, and you can’t quit. The only way to win is to beat your opponent so badly they can’t answer a 10-count. Cena has had these matches, and they’ve been some of the toughest of his careers. JBL was in one of them. It takes a tough guy to have Last Man Standing, so he knows Wyatt isn’t challenging him to that match. It takes a tough individual. Wyatt is dangerous, but he’s dangerous because he manipulates people into doing his dirty work for him. Wyatt has a lot of things, but there’s something missing, and that’s marbles. Wyatt shouldn’t be singing his song; he should be singing about his lack of testicles. It’s obvious Wyatt is brainless, because if he is challenging Cena to that match, Cena accepts. At Payback, he’ll be the last man standing. But that’s Payback. What do the fans want tonight? Cena wants a fight and to prove a point. He’s making an open challenge to any member of the Wyatt Family, and he’ll let Bray Wyatt decide who gets that spot. Cena bets he won’t choose himself.
The Wyatt Family appears on the screen. Wyatt says Cena thinks he knows Wyatt, but he really doesn’t. Cena knows his name, but he walks beside monsters and sings with spirits. He could be the most dangerous man in the world if he felt like it. Thankfully for everyone, the world begged for his mercy. Now that Cena has accepted, the winner will conquer all, but the loser will be trapped in his own thoughts. Go ahead and make your little jokes. You’ve become blind. Wyatt pities Cena, but also wants to thank him for helping him find something in himself he didn’t know existed, the cure to Cena’s plague. It exists beneath us all, and it will finally take the air from Cena’s lungs. They won’t allow Cena to medicate them anymore. Cena will fall. Tonight, one of them will be left standing to lead the world into tomorrow, and Cena will be left waiting in the muck of his own ignorance. Listen. He’s got the whole world in his hands.
MATCH 2: El Torito (w/Los Matadores) vs. Heath Slater (w/Hornswoggle, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre)
One of the Matadores tosses his cape to Slater. The distraction allows Torito to gore him. This turns into a bullfighting shtick until Slater throws the cape outside. He chases Torito around the ring, then grabs him by the horns. Torito kicks his leg, then goes for a cross-body. Slater catches him and hits a bodyslam. Slater stands on Torito’s back, but then misses a charge in the corner. Slater recovers and stops another gore attempt, then calls for Hornswoggle. He goes for a gore, but Torito moves, sending Hornswoggle into Slater’s crotch. Torito then knocks Hornswoggle out of the ring with a gore before hitting a Bullsault on Slater for 3.
WINNER: El Torito.
MATCH 3: Natalya vs. Nikki Bella; Guest Referee: Eva Marie
Nattie applies a waistlock, into a leglock. Nikki kicks her away and hits a Thesz Press. Nattie reverses and pounds Nikki before slapping her on the ass and hitting a hip throw. Nikki elbows out, they crisscross and Nikki hits a jackknife. Nattie powers out into a backslide, breaks the hold and hits a discus clothesline for 2. Nikki fires back with a forearm. Now they are trading shots. Nikki ducks a clothesline and hits a facebreaker for 2. Nattie gets sent to the corner, where she avoids a clothesline. She snaps Nikki down by the hair and applies a surfboard. Nikki falls back into an awkward pin and gets the 3.
WINNER: Nikki Bella. Nattie gets in Eva’s face after the match.
Renee Young is standing by with Dolph Ziggler. She asks why he interjected himself in the feud between the Shield and Evolution. Ziggler says he’s been saying what everyone has been thinking. Since he’s returned, Batista has been a disappointment. He hasn’t evolved, and he’s the weak link of Evolution. Don’t underestimate Ziggler tonight, because the “Show-Off” is going to show Batista up tonight.
MATCH 4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Batista
With that beard, Batista looks like my dickheaded ex-uncle Gary. That’s important information for you to know. Ziggler slides to the outside and suckers Batista into chasing him back in, where he begins pounding On Batista. Batista drags him outside and throws him to the barricade. He then hits a spinebuster into the ring apron before sending Ziggler back-first into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Batista throws Ziggler across the ring by his hair. Ziggler gets whipped hard into the buckles, and Batista follows up with a suplex for 2. Batista applies a rear chinlock, then adds in a body scissors. Ziggler gets back to his feet, elbows his way out, hits a kick off the ropes, then goes for a leaping DDT. However, Batista catches him and hits a spinebuster. He signals for the Batista Bomb and goes for it, but Ziggler fights his way out before hitting the leaping DDT. Both men pull themselves up, and Ziggler avoids a corner charge, sending Batista shoulder-first into the ring post. Ziggler charges in for some mounted punches, and Batista gets himself DQ’ed off a blatant low blow.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Dolph Ziggler. After the match, Batista lays Ziggler out with a Batista Bomb. He walks away, but then returns to the ring, to throw Ziggler to the outside. Ziggler gets whipped into the barricade, then powerbombed right onto the top of it.
MATCH 5: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. Titus O’Neil
We get a cut-away promo from Sheamus. He likes Titus, and sees him as a guy who likes to get kicked in the face. Unlike the chip Titus has on his shoulder, Sheamus has gold, and it’s time to fight, fella. Titus comes out and introduces Sheamus as the new US Champion. There’s no question Sheamus came over here to make a name for himself. He’s the new champ. Granted, he didn’t pin anyone; he just won a battle royal. How is it he’s the champion when he’s not even from the US? Sheamus is a tough guy, but so our the Divas. Everyone who works for this company is tough. So, he’s going to give Sheamus the opportunity to do one thing, and that’s get the hell out of his ring. He then orders the bell to be rung.
The match starts, and Sheamus drops him with a Brogue Kick. a few seconds later, he gets the 3.
Expect to see Titus O’Neil as the newest member of the Menagerie in TNA in no time.
We see the Exotic Express outside. Byron Saxton is standing by, trying to get a word with Adam Rose. One of Rose’s groupies calls for him, and he comes out. It’s his first night on Smackdown, and Saxton wants to know how he feels. Rose is pretty much ignoring Saxton. Some dipsh*t in a cheeseburger calls himself delicious. Saxton asks what his issue is with Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Rose says there’s no issue. All he wants them to do is have fun, but they’re boring. He calls them lemons, then Ryan Katz comes out dressed as a lemon. The entourage starts chanting, “Be a Rosebud”. Saxton puts on a rainbow wig and joins in.
Another Bo Dallas video.
MATCH 6: Damien Sandow vs. Santino Marella (w/Emma)
Sandow nails a boot to the gut, then stomps Santino down. He drops an elbow, then a series of knees. Santino gets whipped into the corner, then avoids a charge. He pulls his sock out, hits the Cobra and gets 3.
WINNER: Santino Marella.
After the match, Sandow screams that he’s a great soldier. Isn’t that what people like, the smart guy losing to the hero? Are you happy? The problem is, some idiot keeps the mic turned on! The mic cuts off as Sandow continues to scream. I really hope this is leading to something. I hate seeing Sandow get misused like this.
R-Truth is in the ring for the next match. Paul Heyman comes out and says his client’s opponent tonight claims to be an advocate for the truth. Truth can’t handle the truth. The truth is being a Paul Heyman Guy is the most prestigious position a person can obtain in sports entertainment. He mentions Brock Lesnar ending the Streak, and since Truth wants to know what’s up, what’s up is his client won the 1st Annual Andre the Giant Battle Royal. There will be more in the future, but only one first. Heyman goes on for this a bit longer, and we have our match.
MATCH 7: R-Truth vs. Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman)
For some reason, the recap for this match didn’t save. Either way, you didn’t miss much. Truth hits a few moves, but then gets nailed with the Very European Uppercut and the Neutralizer for 3.
We get an update on Daniel Bryan, who underwent successful neck surgery, courtesy of Dr. Joseph Maroon (who, incidentally, is one of the official doctors for the company I work for).
John Cena comes out for his match. The Wyatts are out next, and they surround the ring. Cena looks at all of them, and a moment later, the Usos show up as well. We’re still not sure who is facing Cena tonight. Commercials.
Back from the break, the match hasn’t started yet, as the Wyatts are still deciding who is facing Cena tonight. Wyatt whispers in Rowan’s ear, and he takes the sheep mask off. Looks like we’ve got our opponent.
Rowan immediately boots Cena in the corner, then begins peppering him with forearms. He grabs Cena in a headlock and runs him head-first into the top buckle. He knocks Cena down with a right, then biffs a headbutt. Cena comes back with elbows and punches before running into a back elbow off the ropes. Rowan hits a bodyslam, then a running forearm to the back. He tosses Cena to the floor in front of the rest of the Family. Wyatt holds Harper back as Rowan heads outside to continue the attack. He sends Cena shoulder-first into the steps, then rolls him back into the ring for 2. Rowan shoves his fists into the sides of Cena’s head, but Cena breaks free and hits a dropkick. Rowan recovers and hits a big boot out of the corner before nailing Cena with more forearms. Rowan sends Cena to the floor with a pumphandle backbreaker, then pulls Cena up by his ears. Cena counters with a hotshot, runs into the ring and right into a clothesline for 2. Cena hits a few rights, gets shoved down, then runs into a Pounce. Rowan misses a big splash off the ropes, and that’s when Cena attempts to Load the Spaceship With the Rocket Fuel. On the second attempt, Rowan catches him and locks in a bearhug. Cena breaks free, but Rowan turns him around and hits a swinging side slam for 2. Rowan runs into a back elbow in the corner, misses a clothesline and gets hit with a Proto-Bomb. The Five-Knuckle Shuffle connects, and Cena goes for the AA. Rowan escapes, catches a cross-body attempt and hits a fall-away slam. He hits an avalanche in the corner, then lands a running boot to the ribs. He charges in again, but Cena trips him and locks in the STF. Harper hits the ring, but the Usos take him out. Cena turns around, and Harper grabs him in an iron claw slam for 2. He goes for a pumphandle once more, but Cena escapes and hits the Attitude Adjustment for 3.
WINNER: John Cena.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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