Sometimes I want to write about more than one topic at once and am not creative enough/too lazy to put those musings into more than one article. So, I’m just going to jumble some random thoughts together like an office potluck. I don’t have anything to see about the goings-on in TNA or ROH or the indies because Carl was supposed to bring that. And we all know that Carl is a moocher who never brings crap to the table. Why do we invite Carl to these things?
The Internet reported this week that American Greetings has signed a deal with World Wrestling Entertainment to start selling WWE-branded greeting cards in June 2014. I think this is a fantastic idea. It’s a fantastic idea whenever the WWE teams up with any mainstream company. A while back, they hired some marketing guy with a background in pairing sponsors with sports organization. I read a rumor about Sheamus filming Irish Spring commercials and we all know about John Cena and Fruity Pebbles. Hopefully WWE can lock in a deal with Old Spice like the NFL has. Those commercials are insanely hilarious. They could redo the “nobody wants to hear this story again” with Triple H giving a 20 minute promo to the roster on the stage.
The deal with American Greetings got me thinking of what kinds of cards they could come up with. Here are some unsolicited ideas I’ve brainstormed:
- Sympathy cards featuring a crying Big Show.
- Damien Sandow graduation cards.
- A line of “belated birthday botches” from Sin Cara
- Get well(ness) soon from Randy Orton (and Rey Mysterio en Espanol)
- Brodus Clay Mother’s Day cards
- Bray Wyatt Easter cards (think about that one for a minute)
- Specific celebration cards like “Oh, you’re having twins?” And then you open them up and Teddy Long puts them in a tag team match against The Real Americans.
- Sorry about your abeyance.
- Happy Vesselmania Day from Brad Maddox!
Tony Luftman aka Tony Dawson got fired from WWE this week. Don’t know him? He was the super annoying play-by-play man without any wrestling background or knowledge at all. He had this overly dramatic, super-syncopated way of commentating. “The ATHLETIC…. DANGEROUS… KASSIUS OHNO! What a flip!” The only thing I already miss about him is when William Regal would browbeat him with corrections and completely give up on trying or making the guy care about wrestling. Although Dawson had a great backstage segment on NXT with Xavier Woods (once), his counterpart and actual wrestling fan Tom Phillips has far surpassed Dawson and I, for one, am glad to see that. Tony Dawson fit in as much as my Philly born and bred neighbor who wears Dallas Cowboys regalia and flies a Confederate flag.
Speaking of NXT (because the following wrestlers are most likely going there first), WWE is looking into hiring some international talents. Volador, Jr. from Mexico is at the top of the list on most wrestling websites. I’m just curious as to why they didn’t consider bringing him in earlier with all the Sin Cara mishaps. Or why have they never tried to get Averno? They could rename him something stupid and still play up that he is Sin Cara’s arch-nemesis from south of the border. What the hell ever happened to the idea of making a cruiserweight show for the WWE Network? Wait, what the hell ever happened to the WWE Network?!
WWE is also looking at “Machine Gun” Karl Anderson and Prince Devitt. The former, I’m not so sure about since strong style guys have a funny way of sucking/getting buried when they get to WWE (Tensai, anyone?). The latter, I’m excited about because I know the perfect storyline for the Irishman. On WWE ’13, I downloaded Prince Devitt from Community Creations and made him feud with Sheamus. The idea is that Prince Devitt is from a rival clan to Sheamus’ ancestors. They could say it’s a feud 1000 years in the making. And since I booked it on WWE ’13, it means that I have the same expertise and knowledge as any WWE creative employee. After all, I write about wrestling on the Internet!
Dan Aleksander has every episode of “Covington Cross” on tape. To trade this for death matches involving syringes and beds of nails, follow him on Twitter @HaveTilFive.
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