Welcome back for the July 8th edition of my WWE Friday Night SmackDown! recap. This is my third week with Camel Clutch Blog, and so far, I’m really enjoying myself. I want to thank everyone for reading and leaving feedback. Keep it coming.
The #1 contender spot for the World Championship is still in the air, as the “Irish Warrior” Sheamus laid waste to both Randy Orton and Christian last week before ripping up the contract. That’s my boy.
If I ever meet Billy Joe Armstrong in person, I think I will have to hurt him. Oh, and on a side note, has anyone else noticed that Brodus Clay is featured in the opening video for this show, yet has not been seen since Alberto Del Rio was drafted to RAW? We are in Tuscon, AZ tonight, and 7 of the 8 SD! WWE Money In The Bank contestants are in the ring (all but Sheamus) with Josh Mathews. Apparently, Josh is going to interview each competitor one at a time, so I’ll keep this part brief. Daniel Bryan says the match will be worth all the risks before Cody Rhodes cuts him off and drones on, calling himself an exceptional person. You know, the WWE could have attempted to make him look disfigured with some make-up, or at least given him a mask that actually fits. Wade Barrett says he’s sick of hearing what everyone is going to do, and that their achievements pale in comparison to his. He’s right. Before he can finish, Sheamus runs out with a chair and destroys everyone but Sin Cara, who smartly dives out of the ring. Sheamus gets a mic and tells everyone that he will win the contract and cash in the same night after Randy Orton beats Christian. He says he’s coming for Orton tonight, and he’ll hit him so hard he’ll knock the voices out of Orton’s head. Good line. We then see what happened last month when Orton punted Sheamus, which is the cause of all of this. Sheamus says Orton’s biggest career regret is not kicking Sheamus in the head hard enough, because now he’s back.
Christian‘s terrible music hits, and he’s got a mic in hand. Christian complains about how Sheamus is like everyone else in that he thinks Christian can’t be Orton. Christian reminds everyone that he was the guy that beat Sheamus the night Sheamus got punted. We learn that Christian’s legal team added another clause into the WWE Money in the Bank 2011 contract that states that if Orton is disqualified or counted out, Christian wins the belt.
Geez. Over 15 minutes of promos to start the show and then it’s commercial time. Am I watching Impact again? In all seriousness though, Sheamus’ promo was pretty good. Barrett’s started off good before Sheamus dropped him.
MATCH #1: Little Monsters (Fred Savage and Howie Mandel) vs. Daniel Bryan and Intercontinental Champion Ezekiel Jackson
I could be wrong, but I believe Zeke is carrying around a replica belt. The strap seems a hell of a lot shorter than normal. Plus, it’s still missing a nameplate. They did that same thing to Wade Barrett for a bit, too. Bryan and DiBiase are starting the match. They trade a couple of kicks before Bryan gets the first nearfall. Bryan tags in Zeke who punches, clubs and throws DiBiase around the ring and to the outside. While talking about his “Fave 5”, Booker T mentions that Zack Ryder is one of those elite five. God bless him. Bryan dives out onto the team formerly known as Priceless on the outside before we take a commercial break.
We’re back with Bryan kicking the crap out of Rhodes, who counters with an Alabama slam out of the corner for 2. DiBiase’s in now, and hits a few kicks, a short backbreaker and a dropkick for his own nearfall. Chinlock time now by DiBiase. Rhodes is back in, and he really needs to stop acting like such a spaz with every move. After a few kicks, DiBiase’s back in, and back to a chinlock. DiBiase eats a corner elbow, kick and leg lariat from Bryan, who finally gets the tag to Zeke. Zeke unloads with several clotheslines and some bodyslams for both DiBiase and Rhodes. He looks for the Argentinean backbreaker, but Rhodes gets in a Beautiful Disaster kick and a kick to the back of the knee. DiBiase locks in Dream Street on Zeke, and this one’s over.
WINNERS: DiBiase and Rhodes. Zeke’s push has screeched to a halt faster than it started.
We get a video package of Mark Henry’actions as of late yet again, which leads to an interview with Ken Doll. He says Henry’s looking at serious legal troubles aside from his match tonight and his match with the Big Show at the PPV. Mark Henry just scares Ken off by staring at him. Best promo of Mark Henry’s career.
MATCH #2: Jinder Mahal (w/The Great Khali) vs. Trent Barretta
Considering Barretta got no entrance, I’m picking him to win. Yep. Oh, don’t tell me Khali is going to sit in on commentary? Dammit. Mahal gets a few punches in before launching Barretta into the turnbuckle facefirst. Mahal gets a clothesline and a jumping knee before hitting the full-nelson slam and the pinfall.
WINNER: Jinder Mahal. Squash in every sense of the word. After the match, Khali gets Trent up for another full-nelson slam by Mahal. Poor Trent Barretta. The guy is really talented, yet most fans haven’t gotten to see that.
Backstage, and Todd Grisham is with Sheamus. He asks Sheamus about all of his anger lately. Sheamus responds with, “It’s an Irish thing. You wouldn’t understand.”
Contrary to popular belief, Just For Men hair dye does not mean you will get laid. You’re still a yuppie tool with or without the grey hair. Just saying.
MATCH #3: Tamina (w/Alicia Fox) vs. A.J. (w/Natalya)
Looking at Alicia Fox makes me want to throw up. Booker T compliments A.J. on her Chuck Taylor wrestling shoes. I’m inclined to agree. Tamina throws A.J. into the corner, who comes back with a boot and some forearms. She eats an elbow from Tamina, who then whips her into the corner followed by the butt thrust. A hair whip gets 2. Tamina with a modified camel clutch (not for humbling purposes this time). Tamina misses a splash off the ropes, giving A.J. a chance to hit a spinning back kick and a modified shining wizard for 2. Avalanche in the corner by A.J. Tamina misses one of her own, and A.J. rolls her up for the 3-count.
WINNER: A.J. Okay, so we finally get a divas match between two women who can actually work, and it lasts less than five minutes. Alicia Fox is now getting on Tamina’s case, as if she could intimidate so much as a toddler.
A hardcore fan’s dream match is up next as we’ll (FINALLY) get Kane and Mark Henry one-on-one.
MATCH #4: Kane vs. Mark Henry
If Kane somehow wins MITB again this year, I may have to quit watching this show. I don’t see it happening, but I didn’t see it happening last year either, and we all know how that turned out. Supposedly, the SD! technicians were considering not coming to the show for fear of Mark Henry. Darn the luck. Anyway, Henry starts off with a clothesline and some punches. Kane gets a dropkick to the knee and face before hitting his worst seated dropkick yet for 2. Up top for the DC-10, which Henry catches into a standing belly-to-belly for 2. Typical big man offense at this point, with Kane catching several uppercuts. Henry misses an avalanche and Kane connects with a corner clothesline and a boot for another 2. Kane’s trying for the DC-10 again, and it connects, which of course leads to the chokeslam set-up. Henry breaks out with a headbutt, and goes for the World’s Strongest Slam. Kane escapes, hits the chokeslam, and gets 2 as Henry was too close to the ropes and got a foot up. Kane boots Henry to the outside and begins to tear the announcer’s table apart. The ref is still continuing the count. Henry breaks out of another chokeslam attempt and rams Kane into the apron and the post back-first. Back in the ring and Henry connects with a Warrior Splash for 2. A World’s Strongest Slam later, and it’s over.
WINNER: Mark Henry. Typical big man match in every way. If you’ve seen these two wrestle once, you’ve seen them do it a thousand times. With the way Henry is being pushed, he would look incredibly weak losing to Big Show at the PPV. That being said, he probably will lose. Henry starts getting in Booker T’s face after the match for some reason, before spilling a bottle of water all over the floor. Seriously.
In the back with Grisham and Randy Orton, who looks like he has received a new belt. Orton says the match at the PPV will be nothing more than an RKO and a pin. He says some of us have rocks in our head, and some of us hear voices, and that if Grisham sees Sheamus, tell him I said “good luck”. Terrible promo.
Just got my copy of Wrestling’s Greatest Cage Matches of All Time DVD in the mail today. Expect a review some time in the next week.
MATCH #5 Tyson Kidd vs. Sin Cara
Wow, we get a Tyson Kidd match on SD!? When was the last time that happened? Mathews and Booker T have both picked Sin Cara to win MITB this year. I don’t bet on it happening. Not yet, anyway. Kidd with a hammerlock to start the match, but Cara gets out with a rolling snapmare. A flipping arm drag and a head scissors into an arm drag gets Kidd to the outside. Kidd trips up Cara and goes for a running dive, But Cara gets a kick up and a corkscrew plancha into the ring for 2. Kid with a running dropkick for 2 of his own. Kidd’s trying to slow the match down with a chinlock. Goes for a bodyslam, but Cara gets on his shoulders. Cara tries a body scissors, but Kidd drops him into a hotshot. Kidd goes for the springboard elbow, but Cara gets his knees up, followed by some kicks and a tackle with punches. Handspring back elbow and a hurricanrana by Cara. He gets up on Kidd’s shoulders for a victory roll, but flips into a sunset flip for 2. Cool move. Kidd’s up top, but Cara knocks him down. Cara hits his version of the Spanish Fly, and gets the 3-count.
WINNER: Sin Cara. Good match, albeit on the short side. Why Tyson Kidd is not being used more is completely beyond me.
We see Teddy Long strutting around in the back. Ken Doll asks him what he’s going to do about Mark Henry. He gives what Ken calls a politically correct answer. He asks if Long is intimidated by Mark Henry. Long stares off for a second, then keeps walking.
MATCH #6: Soft-CORRE (Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater) vs. The Usos (Jimmy and Jey)
This is basically a rubber match. Gabriel and Slater won last week with the Usos winning the week before. We get the long Uso Polynesian war dance entrance again. I understand the point, but that doesn’t mean they need to do it every match. Gabriel and Jey start with Jey getting a takedown. Slater gets a blind tag and a clothesline on Jey. Slater gets some kicks and whatnot in before tagging the talent of the team back in. Gabriel with a ¾ nelson on Jey. Jey breaks out, and they simultaneously kick each other in the face. Slater and Jimmy both get tagged in. He gets some punches and forearms in before a kick to the stomach and a full-nelson bomb. He hits the lifting Samoan drop for 2. Goes for an avalanche, but Slater gets a hangman’s neckbreaker out of the corner in and tags in Gabriel. Slater gets kicked into the ropes while Gabriel’s on the top rope, crotching him. Jimmy tags in Jey. Jimmy gets up on one corner while Jey is on the adjacent one. Jimmy takes Gabriel down with a Superplex and Jey hits the Samoan splash to get the 3. Haven’t seen Power & Glory’s “Powerplex” move in several years.
WINNERS: The Usos. Again, not a bad match, but far too short. Gabriel and Slater start arguing in the ring post-match.
Up next, we get a recap of the John Cena/Vince McMahon confrontation on RAW. As much as I hate to admit this, both of Cena’s promos were pretty damn good on Monday. It’s amazing what the man can do when he’s not focused on infantile gay and poop jokes. That being said, the stipulation of Cena being fired if he loses completely killed any chance this match has at having a surprise outcome.
Another random Johnny Curtis promo. The guy has no charisma. He tells us when he makes his debut, he’s going to do this (cue to an old man sitting in front of a birthday cake)-“I’m going to take the cake. Haha.” I guess his gimmick is that he lives clichés?
Now, as the video from Monday night plays, time for your humble host to take a bathroom break.
The Smackdown! MITB match looks to be the superior of the two this year. Main event time.
Orton definitely has a new belt. The plates are thicker and less yellow. After both men have made their entrance, “Captain Charisma” makes his way down to the ring for some color dysentery (RIP Hawk). Lock-up to start, and of course Orton gets in the first offense with kicks and punches. Sheamus returns the favor, though. Orton gets a dropkick which sends Sheamus into the corner. He sets up for the punt, but Sheamus rolls out. Orton hits the most homoerotic Thesz Press in history before both men end up outside. Orton’s still on offense, but Sheamus reverses a whip into the barricade. Back, and Orton tries for the elevated DDT he stole from Jerry Lynn. Sheamus counters and throws Orton into the ring post. Christian gets up from the table to “check” on Orton, but Sheamus steps in. Orton’s favoring his shoulder (at least until he’s back on offense) as Sheamus throws him into the post again. Commercial.
Back from the break, and Sheamus is working over Orton’s shoulder. He gets an armbar takedown followed by a modified key lock. He goes for another armbar takedown, but Orton holds onto the ropes. Sheamus gets a hotshot on Orton’s arm, but misses the slingshot shoulder tackle. Orton with some clotheslines and a powerslam, and he’s still selling the shoulder, surprisingly. Orton gets a belly-to-belly for 2. Sheamus is in the corner and gets some short boots to Orton’s face and shoulder. He backflips up onto the top rope and gets a flying shoulder tackle for 2. Orton goes for a clothesline, but Sheamus reverses into the Irish Curse for another 2, followed by an Irish Hammer and some knee drops. Booker just used the word “mollywhopped”. Can’t recall the last time I heard that. Sheamus appears to be setting up for the Brogue Kick, but misses. Orton tries for the RKO, but Sheamus throws him off. Orton connects with the 3.0 and looks to be setting up for the RKO again, but Christian runs in to cause the DQ.
WINNER: Randy Orton. Christian begins punching Orton, but turns around into a Brogue Kick by Sheamus, who turns around into-surprise-an RKO by Orton (whose shoulder appears to be just fine now). God, I hate him.
End of show.
Not a great outing this week. The Cara/Kidd Match and the Usos/Gabriel & Slater match were decent, but far too short. The main event could have been good, but was ruined by a cheap finish resulting in yet another Orton victory.
Full WWE Friday Night SmackDown July 8 results…
Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase beat Ezekiel Jackson and Daniel Bryan
Jinder Mahal beat Trent Baretta
AJ Lee defeated Tamina.
Mark Henry beat Kane
The Usos beat Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel
Sin Cara beat Tyson Kidd. Another good match
Randy Orton defeated Sheamus via disqualification
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
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