Hello, everyone, and welcome to the WWE Smackdown! recap for July 1st. Before I get too far, I’d like to discuss CM Punk for just a moment. After all, everyone else has weighed in on the subject, so I thought I deserved a chance as well (don’t worry; I’ll keep it short).
Basically, Punk’s promo on RAW last Monday was about the best promo in the last ten years, and just more proof how valuable an asset Punk is to any wrestling company. Furthermore, due to his value, it makes me sick that Vince McMahon is not fighting harder to keep Punk under contract. CM Punk is quite possibly the most all-around valuable wrestler in the WWE right now, and he’s leaving in just a couple of weeks.
Anyway, onto to current matters with this week’s recap. We learn that Randy Orton will be in the main event against Mark Henry. Whoopy. Cut to the locker room, and Teddy Long is texting. Christian enters the room with his Money In The Bank contract, and he wants to make the contract signing official in the ring. Long tells Christian that he needed to win the tag team match last week in order to be #1 contender, but it was actually Mark Henry who got the deciding fall in said match. So, Christian is no longer in the title match? Furthermore, he states that if Henry beats Orton tonight, it might be a triple threat match at the PPV or a one-on-one match with just Henry and Orton. Yeah, that’ll sell some PPVs. He then bans Christian from ringside during the main event tonight.
Apparently, main event=curtain jerker tonight, as Orton will be taking on Henry now.
Orton tries to lock up, but Henry picks him up and throws him in the corner. Orton no-sells and goes to punches, but eats a knee in the stomach. A pair of corner whips by Henry, followed by a standing belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Henry goes for a powerslam, but Orton slides out, only to turn around into a boot for another 2. Henry has been in control the entire match, so it’s only a matter of time before Orton no-sells everything he’s taken. Henry looks to be setting up for the World’s Strongest Slam. He gets Orton up, but Orton slides out and relies on punches and kicks. A short DDT gets 2, and Orton’s bleeding from the nose. Both guys outside now, and Henry rams Orton’s back into the apron. Big Show’s music hits, distracting Henry while the referee is still counting. Orton hits an RKO on the outside and slides back in to beat the 10-count.
Winner: Randy Orton via count-out. Incredibly cheap finish to that match. I’m actually happy to see Mark Henry no-selling the RKO.
Henry’s over in the sound area now, yelling at all of the technicians and throwing boxes around. He’s now yelling at the sound guy and destroying equipment. You know, I’m no Mark Henry fan, but I feel for the guy. In 15 years with WWF/E, he’s won two titles, both of which are defunct now, and that’s it. Oh, he just tossed the sound guy approximately 15 feet onto a hidden crash pad.
July 4 RAW will feature a #1 contender’s match for the WWE title between R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio due to CM Punk’s suspension. There’s only one problem I see with this match, and it’s not Truth or Del Rio.
MATCH #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase
Thanks to Mark Henry, we have no entrance music. Josh tells us we have no audio thanks to Mark Henry destroying the equipment. Makes sense, except we can still hear the commentators and announcers. Bryan with a Japanese arm drag into an arm ringer. DiBiase tries a leap frog, but Bryan catches his leg and turns it into a surfboard stretch, then turns that into a backslide for 2. DiBiase reverses a corner charge and Bryan in turn misses a top rope move. DiBiase lands a dropkick as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, and Mr. Charisma Vacuum is still in control on Bryan. Series of reversals leads to DiBiase’s reverse-direction clothesline for another 2. Bryan did the Rikishi spin off the clothesline, BTW. DiBiase’s back to a chinlock now, clearly showing all he learned from Randy Orton in Legacy. DiBiase’s stomping Bryan in the corner, but Bryan backflips out of a corner whip and lands a nice running clothesline. Vicious corner dropkick by Bryan gets another 2, and now Bryan is just laying in kicks. DiBiase counters one into a roll-up, but Bryan counters that into a LeBell Lock attempt but is too close to the ropes. Bryan backdrops DiBiase out of the ring and goes for the running knee off the apron, but DiBiase catches him and runs him into the post and barrier. Bryan’s holding his shoulder now. Back in the ring, DiBiase gets another 2. DiBiase’s now yelling “You’re nothing!” at Bryan while slapping him in the face. Up top for a superplex attempt, but Bryan blocks it and hits the seated missile dropkick. Both back up, and Bryan just slaps and kicks the hell out of DiBiase for another 2. Ted DiBiase tries for Dream Street, but Bryan rolls out. DiBiase tries the reverse direction clothesline again, but Bryan ducks and locks in a front chancery. DiBiase taps.
WINNER: Daniel Bryan. Really good match, and I like how the finish showed that Bryan has more than one submission hold he can finish someone with. Each time these two wrestle, they fail to disappoint.
I like how Michael Cole keeps calling people nerds. Every nerd I know could beat the holy hell out of Michael Cole.
Back in Long’s office, and he’s telling Christian that Christian was seen coming out of the production truck when Big Show’s music hit earlier. He says the contract signing will still take place tonight, so I guess Christian still is the #1 contender. Long tells Christian he’ll be wrestling Sin Cara tonight before the contract signing takes place.
So glad I’m not dealing with “Limited Commercial Interruptions” presented by 5-Hour Energy tonight.
Backstage, The Phantom of the WWE is laying into Ted DiBiase, and tells him he hasn’t won a match since May. He then uses a few $10 words and tells DiBiase he might as well be wearing one of the paper bags. As riveting as it sounded.
We get a recap of how The Sub-Par Khali and Jinder Mahal got together. Basically, Khali sucks and Mahal is trying to make him suck less.
We get an interview with Khali’s brother, Ranjin Singh, and he says that his and Mahal’s families were close prior to the WWE, and that Jinder Mahal is jealous of Great Khali because Khali’s a big star in India. We also learn that Mahal is also the brother-in-law of the Khali/Singhs. He says that Mahal is telling Khali that Khali will listen to him, or he’ll divorce Khali’s sister. Singh tells us we need to fear Jinder Mahal. Okay, so it added a little to the back story of Khali and Mahal but unfortunately, it’s a back story no one was interested in. You know, Pepper, you can’t polish a turd.
Up next, Sin Cara vs. Christian.
MATCH #3: Christian vs. Sin Cara
I guess the audio got fixed, as Christian has his godawful music playing. He really needs to go back to “At Last”. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the WWE Anthology CD. This music is too wuss-tastic for the top heel on the brand. I’m expecting Sin Cara to win by DQ here. We learn that the Smackdown! MITB match at the PPV will be Kane, Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan, Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater and Sheamus. This PPV is actually shaping up nicely, although I could do without Kane and Rhodes in the match. I’m picking Barrett to win. Match starts with Cara landing a few kicks and a leaping armdrag that sends Christian to the outside. I like Sin Cara, but I don’t blame the other wrestlers for being pissed about his special lighting. Even Christian audibly yells “I can’t see with these lights!” Commercial.
Back, and of course Christian is in control. Knees and forearms by Captain Charisma, but Cara answers with a dropkick to the outside and a corkscrew plancha. Another corkscrew back into the ring gets 2. Christian’s back up and gets 2 off a shoulderblock. Sin Cara gets a twisting arm drag off the top rope, followed by a hurricanrana for another 2. Cara charges, but Christian back drops him to the outside. Back in the ring and Christian is in control with a chinlock. Cara gets a short headscissors off, but eats a dropkick out of the corner for another nearfall. Christian’s up top for the Bowflex, but he eats canvas. Sin Cara gets a handspring elbow off, and goes for the satellite armbar (which he sort of messed up), but only gets 2. He gets up on Christian’s shoulders and a victory roll gets another 2. Christian goes back up again, but eats a kick from Sin Cara. Looks like he’s going for the Spanish Fly. Christian pushes him off, but Sin Cara rolls through and is back on his feet. He lands another hurricanrana on the outside. Another kick, and a springboard cross-body for another nearfall. Good match so far. Another victory roll attempt, but Christian turns it into a falling inverted DDT for yet another 2. A small package by Sin Cara gets yet another 2. He goes for the springboard elbow, but Christian catches him into the Killswitch. Cara breaks out and goes to the turnbuckle, but is tripped up. Christian hits the spear, and this one’s over.
WINNER: Christian. Sin Cara is no longer undefeated. Really good showing by both guys, and more proof that Christian should still be world champion.
Ooh! 2 contract signing segments on two different shows in a week? I think I just caught the vapors.
We get a recap of Ezekiel Jackson winning the IC title, and he’ll be facing Cody Rhodes next.
MATCH #4: Cody Rhodes (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Ezekiel Jackson (non-title)
Rhodes’ bag boys are out again this week. Is it just me, or does Rhodes’ music sound like it was recorded in the 80’s and just never used? Oh, and for whatever reason, much like Wade Barrett, they have yet to make a nameplate for the IC title for Zeke.
Rhodes with a punch, but Zeke throws him with one hand into the ropes, followed by a shoulderblock. Punches in the corner, and Zeke just launches the kid from The Wizard. Zeke gets 2 off some elbows to the back. Gorilla press attempt, but Rhodes sneaks outside. Distraction by DiBiase leads to Rhodes throwing Zeke into the post for his first 2. Josh is now explaining how a half-nelson works to Michael Cole. Rhodes is channeling the Iron Sheik now with a modified camel clutch. He really needs to use the calf machines when he’s in the gym. Just saying. Suplex attempt, but Zeke reverses it into a release gourdbuster. A pair of clothesline followed by a corner clothesline and a bodyslam. DiBiase tries to get involved, but gets thrown into the corner. Rhodes uses this to hit the Beautiful Disaster and the Cross Rhodes, and Zeke’s push is over.
WINNER: Boy Meets World. If Randy Orton is the king of no-selling other wrestlers’ moves, Rhodes is the king of over-selling his own moves.
Another segment with Johnny Curtis. He’s pretending to paint. He says there’s no more shenanigans because he wants to avoid painting himself into a corner. As you can probably guess, the canvas has a painting of a stick figure in one corner. Ha! I get it. Hilarious. But not really.
Cole’s pissing and moaning about CM Punk’s comments from last Monday, despite sucking up to him for months now. We learn that Vince McMahon will be on RAW on Monday to discuss the situation.
MATCH #5: Kane vs. Wade Barrett
If Barrett’s not WWE or World Champion by this time next year, I will be disappointed. Josh Mathews reminds us that Kane won MITB last year. Barrett and Kane trade right hands. Shoulderblock by Kane gets 2. Arm wringer by Kane, but Barrett reverses and lands a clothesline for 2. Barrett eats a boot of an Irish whip attempt, but rolls out before Kane can land his crappy seated dropkick. Barrett boots Kane, which sends him to the ringside barrier before we go to commercial (not brought to you by 5-Hour Energy).
WINNER: Kane. Kane sucks. He just sucks. I’m talking Ricky Schroeder-level suck.
Up next is the contract signing. Contract signing=REAL main event. I just peed a little.
I need to get The Greatest Cage Matches of All Time DVD as well.
Sigh. You know, I already recapped one contract signing this week, so don’t expect much here. Christian comes out with a lawyer (aka local indy wrestler or actor). They sit at the black table to sign the papers. Christian points out a clause in the contract that if there’s a questionable finish to the match that sees him get screwed, he gets an automatic rematch. Christian says Orton can’t beat him, and I hope that, come PPV time, he’s right. Orton’s now talking, and this is better than No-Doze. I bet Orton sweats tryptophan. As Christian struggles with the pen, my boy Sheamus comes in out of nowhere to kick the hell out of Orton. Christian tries to get in his face, but eats a Brogue Kick, as does Orton. Sheamus rips up the contract and walks off. End of show.
This week was certainly better than last week. Bryan/DiBiase and Christian/Sin Cara were both quite good, but the rest of the show was pretty blah. Although seeing Orton get his head kicked off by Sheamus was particularly enjoyable.
Full WWE Friday Night SmackDown July 01 Results
-Randy Orton defeated Mark Henry by countout
-Daniel Bryan defeated Ted DiBiase
-Christian defeated Sin Cara
-Cody Rhodes defeated Ezekiel Jackson in a non-title match
-Kane defeated Wade Barrett
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