On tonight’s episode of Friday Night Smackdown!, we get to relive the atrocity that was John Cena/Michael Cole from this past Monday night. Because, you know, seeing it once wasn’t bad enough.
Alberto Del Rio drives out by the stage in a BMW, and it’s apparently promo time. ADR says that, just because he can do it, he’s going to show us him beating down Sheamus from this past Monday night, which resulted in a really painful-looking jujigatame over the edge of the stage. ADR laughs and said that is a lesson for Sheamus. Sheamus told him, “Never trust a hooligan”, so Sheamus, don’t mess with Alberto Del Rio. If you thought that was bad, wait for No Way Out, because he’s going to break Sheamus’ arm.
The real Sheamus then makes his way out, and the heels double-team him as he enters the ring. Sheamus sends Rodriguez over the top rope, then begins pounding on ADR. Rodriguez tries to jump on Sheamus’ back, but Sheamus throws him off over the top rope. ADR catches a kick to the injured arm, but Sheamus still manages to fight him off with an Irish Hammer. The heels bail, and Sheamus chases after them. He throws ADR into the big WWE logo on the stage. He then sets up for a Celtic Cross off the stage, but Rodriguez trips him, allowing ADR to nail him with another kick. ADR then begins to attack the injured arm once again, this time with fists. Teddy Long makes his way out onto the stage. He says John Laurinaitis is not here tonight, as he’s preparing himself for his job evaluation for this Monday night on RAW. Ace has asked Long to act on his behalf, and he’s not going to allow ADR and Rodriguez to run amok. Per Mr. Ace, in the fairness of “people power”, he’s making two matches for tonight: Kane vs. Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio vs. The Great Khali, which will happen right now.
MATCH 1: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. The Great Khali
ADR starts off with a kick and some forearms. Khali shoves him off and hits an overhand chop. ADR gets sent to the corner, where Khali hits some short kicks and an open-hand chop to the chest. He throws ADR into the adjacent corner, landing another chop. Khali sends ADR into the corner, but misses a running boot. He gets caught on the ropes, allowing ADR to kick him in the leg. ADR with some stomps to the leg, followed by a leg grapevine. Khali fights out, but eats a seated dropkick for 2. ADR kicks him in the chest for another 2. Leg DDT on the bad leg, followed by a dropkick to the back of the knee. A kick to the back by ADR, and he’s mounting the middle rope. ADR comes off the ropes, but right into a chop to the chest. Khali clotheslines him down a couple of times, followed by another overhand chop. He signals for the Punjabi Plunge, but Rodriguez causes a distraction. ADR capitalizes with a double-knee armbreaker, and the jujigatame ends the match.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio.
We get to see the Big Show video from this past Monday. If you haven’t seen it, it’s actually quite good.
We see Teddy Long in the GM’s office, talking to someone on the phone about filling in for Ace for the night. Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls enter the office, partying a bit. Long says he has good news and bad news. The bad news is, to protect him from Big Show, he’s no longer allowed on RAW. The good news is, he’s a permanent member of the Smackdown! roster. Clay tells him to tell his opponents that, when he looks at them, he will see Big Show, and he’s going to eat them up.
Did You Know? A Rubik’s Cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 different possible starting combinations.
MATCH 2: Brodus Clay (w/Cameron and Naomi) vs. Derrick Bateman
Poor Bateman. He’s actually one of the better NXT roster members right now. Clay backs him into a corner and beats him down, then launches him through the ropes. Clay heads outside and sends Bateman sailing with a headbutt to the chest before throwing him over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. Back in the ring, Clay nails an avalanche and an exploder suplex. Running splash gets the 3.
WINNER: Brodus Clay. I have a feeling Clay may eventually drop this gimmick and go back to being a monster. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I don’t mind this gimmick at all, but I could easily see him being a dominant heel again at some point.
Up next, Sin Cara. I have to admit that he’s actually looked a lot better in his two matches since returning.
Booker T discusses one of his favorite RAW moments, that being his debut against Buff Bagwell at the beginning of the WCW invasion. A little surprised, since that match sucked, and Bagwell was gone the next day.
MATCH 3: Sin Cara vs. Drew McIntyre
Drew starts off with a boot and a forearm to the back. Cara lands on his feet from a throw and nails a kick to the leg. A few more kicks, and a corkscrew springboard armdrag. Another armdrag off the ropes. Drew misses a shoulder thrust, getting sent to the apron. Cara charges at him, and Drew hoists him up and lands a boot the chest. Back in the ring, Drew gets 2 before going into a modified abdominal stretch. Cara tries some more kicks, but Drew forearms him back down before stomping the head. Drew picks him up into a fireman’s carry, and Cara turns it into a hurricanrana, sending Drew into the turnbuckles. Another hurricanrana, followed by a handspring back elbow for 2. Drew lands a big boot out of the ropes, then drags Cara to the middle of the ring for 2. Drew throws Cara to the corner, but Cara gets his boots up on the charge. He goes to the middle rope and dives off. Drew counters into a sidewalk slam, but Cara counters that counter into a spinning DDT for the 3.
WINNER: Sin Cara. Nice little sequence at the end there. Remember when Drew was “The Chosen One”? How the mighty have fallen.
MATCh 4-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Tony Andriotis and Kevin Mahoney vs. Ryback
Kevin does a Mirror, Mirror bit about giving Ryback his first pinfall. Tony agrees. Kevin does the bit again, only referring to he and his partner as the fastest rising superstars in WWE. Once again, Tony agrees. Ryback throws Tony into a corner. Kevin jumps off the turnbuckles. Ryback catches him and lands a fall-away slam into Tony. He stacks them both in the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. He clotheslines Kevin over a crouched Tony, then picks Tony up for a vicious powerbomb. Double running fisherman’s suplex follows shortly and the 3 is academic.
Up next, the return of The Peep Show, with special guest Cody Rhodes.
Back from the break, Cody Rhodes storms out to the ring before Christian has even come out. He pushes the tech that was putting the set together, then destroys the set. Rhodes says we were going to do the segment, but he doesn’t answer to Christian; Christian should answer to him. He’s the one who stole the title Rhodes brought glory back to. He’s the one who had a midlife crisis and is pandering to the people. He’s the one who…
Christian’s music cuts Rhodes off. Christian says he’s the one who beat Rhodes for the IC title. If Rhodes wanted to host this “shindig”, all he had to do was ask. The only thing Rhodes is interested in asking is who Christian is trying to fool. Before Over the Limit, Christian cared about no one, and was only focused on himself. What happened? Why’d he go soft? Why did he sacrifice the little bit of self-respect he has left? Christian says he had a moment of clarity. He missed the better part of the year with a serious injury. The night before Wrestlemania, something happened. That night, he inducted Edge into the WWE Hall of Fame. While Edge was delivering his speech, it hit him like a ton of bricks. All of this is a priviledge that can go away in an instant. If that were to happen, would he want to be known as the annoying sniveling guy that begged for one more match every week? Or, did he want to be the best, come back and win championships? Did he want to put together a HOF career like his best friend? Rhodes calls this a load of crap. He knows Hall of Famers. His dad is one, and he’ll be one. Christian took advantage of a situation and got lucky at OTL. At No Way Out, his title is coming home. Christian tells him to shut his mouth. He’s going to finish the Peep Show by wiping the mat with Rhodes.
Dolph Ziggler makes his way out. He says it was nice for Rhodes to start the Peep Show, but he’s going to end it. He’s going to do what he does better than anyone else, and he’ll start with beating Christian tonight.
MATCH 5: Intercontinental Champion Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler (non-title)
Ziggler takes Christian down with a waistlock and gets a roll-up for 1. Ziggler with a side headlock. Criss-cross ends with a flapjack by Christian. He throws Ziggler to the floor, but Ziggler lands on the apron. He drags Christian to the floor, who lands on his feet. Christian trips Ziggler, then gets back in the ring for a baseball slide. Ziggler sidesteps a plancha, and Christian lands on his feet. Ziggler hits a kitchen sink on the floor as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Ziggler has Christian in an armbar/chinlock combo. Christian fights out, but Ziggler drops him with a dropkick to the stomach for 2. Ziggler sends Christian sternum-first into the turnbuckles, then does the Fargo Sttrut before dropping a knee for 2. Ziggler goes into a modified abdominal stretch before Christian fights out. They trade some punches, which Ziggler gets the better of. He lands an elbow to the back of the head, then blocks a dropkick attempt with a slingshot. Ziggler shoulders Christian in the back several times in the corner, but Christian counters a second charge with the Pendulum. Christian counters a Rocker Dropper into a sit-out powerbomb for 2. Ziggler lands a couple kicks, but Christian trips him into the bottom rope before nailing the inside-out uppercut. Ziggler reverses a twisting sunset flip from the middle rope into a Rocker Dropper for 2. Ziggler piefaces Christian a few times, and Christian quickly counters with a falling inverted DDT. Ziggler counters a spear attempt with a beautiful dropkick, which gets 2. Ziggler goes for the sleeper. Christian throws him off. Ziggler sends him into the turnbuckle and goes for the Zig Zag, but Christian blocks. He goes up top. Ziggler follows, but gets punched down. Christian hits the frog splash for the 3.
WINNER: Christian. Rhodes, who was on commentary the entire match, stands up to give Christian some sarcastic applause.
Did You Know? Hummingbirds beat their wings as fast as 100 beats per second, and are the only known bird species that can fly backwards. Scientists study them frequently in hopes of improving the human understanding of aerodynamics.
RAW Rebound time, with John Cena beating Michael Cole in a “match”. After the footage, Cole begins to address it, saying he trusts the fans to be mature about all of this. Jim Ross’ music hits, and I suddenly get excited. That excitement immediately turns to sh*t as Hornswoggle comes out, dressed like Ross. He then begins to cut a promo like Ross, including making fun of Ross’ stroke damage by holding his mouth at a crooked angle. Real classy, sh*thead. Hornswoggle then shows some clips from Monday night again, then laughs a bunch.
Thankfully, this is cut short when Damien Sandow’s music hits, and the “Intellectual Savior to the Masses” heads out. He says he’s here to help us. For far too long, miscreants like Hornswoggle have achieved cult-like status in WWE, leading the lambs of the WWE Universe to the slaughter of their own ineptitude. As the avenging sword of taste and decency, Sandow cannot and will not allow this ridiculous content to assimilate itself into our society. Therefore, this diminutive ignoramus will be taught a lesson this evening. You’re welcome. Hornswoggle then taunts Sandow, which is really smart. Tyson Kidd charges in and hits a springboard dropkick, protecting Hornswoggle for absolutely no reason. Kidd challenges Sandow to a fight, but Sandow shakes his head and walks away, as he is better than this. As soon as Kidd turns his back, Sandow runs back to the ring and knocks Kidd down. He hits some kneelifts and the straightjacket neckbreaker before posing over kid a la “The Thinker”. Sandow then acts like a maestro as his song plays before doing a cartwheel. The man is absolutely brilliant. How it took WWE so long to realize how good Sandow is is beyond me, but at least he’s finally here and getting his rightful push.
We see Kane somewhere in the back of the arena, his music already playing. Matt Striker stops him, telling him he has the unique opportunity to beat both the WWE and World Champions in the same week. His feelings? Kane has no feelings. Ask Punk how it felt getting chokeslammed on Monday, or ask Sheamus how it feels when it happens tonight. His only feeling right now is how great it will feel when he wins the WWE title at No Way Out. Striker asks him to comment on AJ’s reaction to him from Monday night. Kane just stares at him before walking off. As he walks off camera, we see AJ pop out from behind a storage box, staring at Kane.
MATCH 6: Jimmy Uso vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/Aksana)
Apparently, Johnny Ace has asked Teddy Long to do a formal introduction for Cesaro. Aksana looks like hell. Cesaro needs new music. His current theme is very “generic face”. Cesaro hits a forearm to the chest and a headbutt. Uso comes back with a thrust kick to the gut and an uppercut. Diving headbutt off the ropes gets one. Uso hits an avalanche in the corner. Cesaro slides out of a bodyslam attempt, but Uso counters with a punch. Cesaro isn’t having any of it, as he quickly hits the Very European Uppercut and the Gotch-Style Neutralizer for 3.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro. After the match, Cesaro orders Long into the ring to raise his hand in victory before kissing Aksana right in front of him.
Another favorite WWE RAW moment. This time, it’s Sheamus, who picks winning a battle royal to earn a title match against John Cena (who he also defeated at TLC for the title that year). I remember that night vividly. Jesse Ventura was the guest host, and we were treated to Ventura and Vince McMahon on commentary. Easily the best night in the history of RAW guest hosts.
MATCH 7: World Champion Sheamus vs. Kane (non-title)
Tie-up to start. Eventually, Sheamus backs Kane into a corner and gets a clean break. Sheamus with a side headlock. Kane shoves him off into the ropes and shoulders him down. Sheamus has the left arm taped up from this past Monday night. Sheamus gets in an arm wringer. Kane counters with some punches. Sheamus fires off some of his own. Back in the corner, Sheamus lands punches to the gut. Kane gets Sheamus into the corner, where he nails an uppercut and a foot choke before tying the arm up in the ropes. He fires off some more punches before corner whipping Sheamus. Sheamus gets his elbow up on the charge, blocks a bodyslam attempt, hits a chop block and a shoulder. Kane throws him over the top rope, but Sheamus lands on his feet on the apron. He tries to get back in the ring, and Kane boots him to the floor. Commercials.
Tyler Perry needs to be stopped. Permanently.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Sheamus. Sheamus takes out Rodriguez as ADR backs off. Kane eventually lays in some shots on Sheamus, but then gets distracted by AJ, who just came down to ringside, sporting her crazy smile. Off the distraction, Sheamus levels Kane with a Brogue Kick, then follows up with one for Rodriguez.
End of show.
Christian/Ziggler was easily the best match of the night. Damien Sandow gets more entertaining with every week.
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Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.
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