For tonight’s SmackDown!, we’re going to get Daniel Bryan vs. Kane in the main event. Plus, Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus in a rematch from No Way Out, non-title. This is already shaping up to be a decent show.
Teddy Long makes his way out. He announces to everyone that John Laurinaitis has been fired, which gets a major pop. The guest GM for tonight, once again, is Mick Foley. Before Long can finish talking, though, the Big Show makes his way down to the ring. Teddy smartly just decides to leave. Show says he could care less that Johnny Ace was fired. He never cared about the guy, and he doesn’t care about any of us. The only person he cares about is himself. Not him the business man, the corporate puppet or the “yes” man, the REAL him. He congratulates John Cena. It is true that Cena was able to scape the cage at NWO with 5 of his cronies to win the match. But, in a fair, one-on-one fight, he’d crush John Cena. The crowd boos, but they know he’s telling the truth, and that upsets them. He doesn’t care about Cena anymore, though, and he’s moving on from that. He’s throwing his hat into the Money in the Bank match. There’s no one men or even five men that can stop him from winning that match. Just like, when he cashes the MITB contract, there’s nothing or nobody that can stop him. When he becomes WWE Champion, everyone needs to realize he’ll be a champion as long as he wants to be. Winning the WWE Championship, he’s not doing it for the guys in the locker room, the WWE or the fans; he’s winning the title for one person, himself. That championship is all his.
Did You Know? China has a tradition called “minghun”, which is when a wedding ceremony takes place between two dead people, so they don’t have to wander the afterlife alone.
MATCH 1-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Frank Venezia and Jared Wachtler vs. Ryback
Before the match, Frank says it’s summertime, and their opponent is starting to sweat. Jared says that, just like the temperature, they are starting to rise. Ryback scares Frank, then shoulders Jared down. He throws Jared onto Frank. Ryback picks Frank up and launches him into the turnbuckle. He catches a hurricanrana from Jared and turns it into a corner powerbomb. Big boot for Frank and a standing spinebuster for Jared. He powerbombs Jared onto Frank. Double running fisherman’s suplex time, and this one’s over.
We see Mick Foley in the back talking to Yoshi Tatsu. Tatsu says he’s a big fan of Mr. Socko. Vickie Guerrero steps in. Tatsu calls her an “ugly, old witch”. Foley apparently wanted to talk to Vickie, and she has announcement-she’s running RAW and SmackDown! next week. She says that, if he’s not careful, she’ll make him her assistant next week. Foley likes that idea, because he’ll be on TV for another week. He then says he has a better idea for her assistant, and the Great Khali walks onto the screen, dancing to his music. I love Mick Foley, but that sucked.
Up next, Christian faces Alberto Del Rio.
Daniel Bryan gives his favorite RAW moment, which was when Marty Jannetty made a surprise return and knocked off Shawn Michaels for the IC title. It’s weird hearing clips of Randy Savage doing commentary here.
MATCH 2: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Intercontinental Champion Christian (non-title)
Tie-up to start, with ADR backing Christian into a corner. Christian pushes him out, and ADR lands a knee lift, followed by several strikes. Side headlock by ADR leads to a criss-cross, ending with a shoulder from Christian. Christian gets a misdirection sunset flip off the middle rope for 2. ADR quickly rebounds and sends Christian to the corner, followed by a kick to the head. Kneedrops by ADR before he chokes Christian in the corner. Christian back drops him to the floor on a charge attempt, then goes up top for a cross-body to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, ADR has Christian in a modified crossface. During the break, ADR sent him into the steps on the outside. He breaks the hold and goes into a straight armbar. Christian fights out and goes for a sunset flip, but ADR holds on and drops an elbow across the arm for 2. A jumping elbow to the same arm gets another 2. ADR ties Christian’s arm up in the ropes, then brings him back in with an arm wringer. A kick to the arm gets another 2. ADR mounts the middle rope, and Christian cuts him off. He goes up top as well and lands a super hurricanrana for 2. Christian with an uppercut and a running forearm before hitting the inside-out uppercut. Up top, Christian misses a cross-body. ADR misses the step-up enziguri in the opposite corner, allowing Christian to drop him with a tornado DDT. ADR hits a couple quick punches and nails the double-knee armbreaker. Christian comes back with a middle rope dropkick for 2. Christian is trying to shake off the injury to the arm as he sets up the Killswitch, which ADR counters. Christian counters a back suplex attempt, and ADR counters that counter with an over-the-shoulder armbreaker for 2. ADR mounts the middle rope and misses a senton, and Christian signals for the spear. He charges in, but ADR nails him with a superkick. He goes for the jujigatame, and Christian goes for the Killswitch once again. ADR pushes him off into the corner and charges in, where he’s met with the Pendulum. Ricardo Rodriguez causes a temporary distraction, with Christian chasing him off. Christian goes back to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top, but he’s met with a step-up enziguri from ADR, sending him to the mat. ADR quickly locks in the jujigatame, and Christian taps.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio. Good match here. ADR can really work when given the right opponents. After the match, Cody Rhodes rushes the ring and nails Christian with a clothesline from behind. He stomps away before locking in a fujiwara. Christian manages to get to his feet, but Rhodes knees him in the gut and sends him shoulder-first into ring post, screaming that Christian is stealing his time.
We see footage of Baltimore, MD (the site of tonight’s show) before looking at what just happened between Christian and Rhodes once again.
After that, we get a video package for the Bryan/Kane/Punk/AJ feud. While I don’t like Kane, I am enjoying this storyline. Mainly because of two of my favorite wrestlers and AJ, but still, it’s good TV. And AJ is just awesome in her role.
MATCH 3: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan
Well, this WAS announced as the main event for tonight, but I guess that nod is going to Sheamus/Ziggler, which is fine, too. After Kane comes out, Lilian Garcia announces AJ as the special guest timekeeper. And she looks adorable. Bryan his sick-ass leather jacket back on this week. Bryan lands some kicks to Kane’s leg, but he gets caught on a cross-body attempt, getting bodyslammed for his troubles. Kane drops an elbow, then nails an uppercut once Bryan is back up. Bryan low bridges him charging in, sending Kane to the floor. Bryan misses a baseball slide, allowing Kane to clothesline him down. Kane tries to send Bryan into the post, but Bryan escapes and dropkicks him into the post instead. Back in the ring, Bryan lands a corner dropkick for 1. Bryan with the Yes! Kicks before going into a side headlock. Kane pushes him off and nails a kitchen sink and a low dropkick for 2. Kane sends Bryan into the corner and follows with a clothesline. Bryan gets his foot up on the second attempt and goes for the Yes! Lock, but Kane counters into a sidewalk slam for 2. Kane goes up top for the non-flying clothesline, and Bryan lands a dropkick on the way down. Kind of an ugly spot there. More Yes! Kicks, but Kane eventually blocks one and shoves Bryan down. Bryan backs to the corner and Kane charges, but Bryan trips him up into the middle rope, followed by a Yes! Kick to the face. Bryan goes up top, but Kane catches him and throws him to the opposite corner. He sets him up for a superplex, but Bryan fights him off and hits a beautiful seated missile dropkick for 2. More Yes! Kicks, but they’re cut short when Kane throws him to the corner by the throat. Bryan backflips out of a corner whip, but eats a big boot off the ropes. Kane looks for the chokeslam, but Bryan counters and hits a dropkick to the knee, followed by a stiff kick to the head for 2. Bryan up top again and looks for a diving headbutt, but Kane catches him by the throat on the landing and goes for the chokeslam. Bryan reverses into a Yes! Lock attempt, but Kane counters into another chokeslam. Bryan goes up, but catches Kane in the guillotine. Kane tries to break the hold by slamming Bryan into the corner, but Bryan holds on. Kane backdrops him off, but Bryan holds on into a sunset flip for 2, which he immediately turns into the Yes! Lock. As Kane grabs the ropes to break the hold, AJ rings the bell, causing Bryan to think Kane tapped. The referee tells him what happened, so he immediately charges at Kane. Kane sidesteps him and sends Bryan spinning out of control in the corner. A chokeslam later, and Kane gets the 3.
WINNER: Kane. Another good match tonight. Afterwards, AJ smiles at Kane before skipping to the back. Kane appears to be bleeding from the bridge of his nose.
Did You Know? As of 2010, the most expensive book in the world ever sold was Birds of America by John Audubon, selling for $11.5 million. Only 119 copies of this book are known to exist, with 11 of them being owned by private collectors. The most expensive manuscript ever sold was Leonardo da Vinci’s Codex Leicester is the most expensive manuscript ever sold, selling for $30.8 million to Bill Gates.
Mick Foley makes his way down to the ring. He thanks John Laurinaitis for being so lame as SmackDown! GM, and that’s allowed Foley to come back for a night of fun right here in Baltimore, MD. Before it goes any further, The worthless pile of flesh known as Heath Slater makes his way down to the ring. He’s out here to lead a little protest. Last Monday, Cyndi Lauper and Roddy Piper embarrassed him. Mick better do something about it. Foley calls Lauper a formidable competitor, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. However, instead of Cyndi Lauper, Slater needs to worry about his opponent for tonight.
MATCH 4: Heath Slater vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder gets a major pop on his way out. Criss-cross sequence starts the match, and ends with a flying forearm by Ryder. Ryder follows up with a flapjack for 2. Slater sucker punches him out of the corner, then stomps him down. Sternum-first corner whip and a neckbreaker off the ropes gets 2. Ryder gets his knees up on a corner charge and hits the Rough Ryder for 3.
WINNER: Zack Ryder. After the match, Ryder and Foley share a fist pump.
After the break, we see Mick Foley and Zack Ryder walking to the back, celebrating. Damien Sandow stops them, calling them “deplorable, contemptible, and abhorrent”. Foley makes a joke about smelling bad, and Sandow says he was talking about what just happened. Zack Ryder is the world’s leading miscreant. For years his drivel has led the WWE into the doldrums of ignorance. No more. You’re welcome. Foley tells Sandow to have a nice day.
We see footage from No Way Out, which saw the Prime-Time Players become the new #1 contenders to the WWE Tag Team titles, with help of their new manager AW.
MATCH 5: The Usos (Jey and Jimmy) vs. The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young, w/AW)
God, how many times do we have to see this match? Jey starts off with Young. Forearm by Young and a shoulder. Jey counters with a flying forearm and a chop to the chest. Jimmy tags in and they hit a double back elbow and a double elbow drop. Jimmy chops away at Young before tagging Jey in. Jey hits a running forearm in the corner before tagging in Jimmy. Jimmy lands an uppercut for 2. Young comes back with a jawbreaker and tags in Titus. Titus lays in some forearms and a back heel trip. Rear chinlock by Titus now. Jimmy fights out and ducks a clothesline before hitting a back body drop, sending Titus into the corner. Jimmy hits the running hip bump for 2, which is broken up by Young. Jey nails a mule kick to Young before clotheslining him over the top. Back in the ring, Jimmy counters a Clash of the Titus with a Samoan Drop. He goes up top, but Young crotches him as AW distracts the referee. Titus nails Clash of the Titus for 3.
WINNERS: The Prime-Time Players.
Commercial for the Blu-Ray release of No Holds Barred. This movie wasn’t even for an 80s flick. On the plus side, Tom “Tiny” Lister, Jr. has had a more successful career than Hogan. That always makes me smile.
After the break, we see Primo & Epico, and the Prime-Time Players brawling in the back before referees and officials split them up. At least we’re seeing some attempt at a tag team division now.
Santino Marella makes his way out. He would like to take this opportunity to celebrate the people in the crowd who took the time to make signs, then asks the camera man to show the best ones. We see various signs in the crowd, including an “I Heart Santino. He then calls the woman holding the sign into the ring. The woman is helped over the barricade, and she’s wearing a Santino shirt and a Cobra. The lady screams for him when he asks her to say something, then says “Cobra”. He makes their cobras kiss, then she plants a big messy one on his face. Santino pretends to faint. She then revives him by “kissing” his leg with her cobra. Not sure what the point of this was.
The main event is up next.
Before we get to that, though, we get a mini-recap of CM Punk on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon a few days ago. I didn’t watch the show, because Jimmy Fallon makes me violently ill.
MATCH 6: Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. World Champion Sheamus (non-title)
Ziggler starts with a waistlock, which Sheamus breaks and goes into his own. Ziggler counters with a schoolboy for a no-count. Ziggler goes to the corner to do some hanging leg lifts. Another waistlock by Ziggler turns into a side headlock. Sheamus throws him off, then snags a charging Ziggler into a hip throw, turning it into a side headlock. Shoulder off the ropes by Sheamus, followed by the criss-cross, which ends in Sheamus swatting a Ziggler dropkick away. Sheamus lands the rolling fireman’s carry slam for 2 before working over Ziggler’s left arm. Ziggler fights him off with punches and kicks, then lowbridges a charging Sheamus, sending him to the floor. Sheamus gets up on the apron, and Ziggler dropkicks him back down. Ziggler jumps on him from the apron, and Sheamus catches him, hitting him with a nasty fall-away slam into the barricade as we go to commercials.
WINNER: Sheamus. Wow. THAT is a main event. Damn, damn, DAMN good match between these two.
End of show.
Aside from the stupid comedy, this was an excellent show. Three excellent matches, and I can’t say enough good things about the main event.
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