Before I get into the recap, I finally got to see The Dark Knight Rises tonight. The Mrs. and I went for our anniversary, and without giving any spoilers out, let me just say that it kicked at least 85 different kinds of a$%. If you didn’t like it, sorry, but you’re wrong. There’s no other reason I can think of than that.
Before we get into any action, we get a video package for RAW’s 1000th episode because, you know, you haven’t heard about it enough already. Still, it was a decent show, and I can’t wait to see what happens next with CM Punk. It’s “The Summer of Punk” all over again, and that is aces in my book.
Tonight’s main event will be a fatal 4-way between Kane, Rey Mysterio, Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio, with the winner being named the new #1 contender for Sheamus’ World title.
The show opens with new Intercontinental Champion The Miz making his way into the arena. Josh Mathews and Michael Cole discuss how Miz is now one of the most decorated stars in WWE history. That’s completely true except for the fact that, you know, it’s not even close to the truth. Miz tells us we’re looking at the new face of the Intercontinental Championship. Who does he have to thank? Each and every one of Christian’s peeps, because they’re the ones who voted for Christian to defend his title at RAW 1000. Miz is the new champion because he’s The Miz, and…
Christian thankfully interrupts this pointless diatribe. Christian guesses that the Miz was about to say “awesome” in his annoying voice. What is awesome is Christian is invoking his rematch clause tonight, right now, in front of all of his peeps in Kansas City. A referee enters the ring, and it looks like we have our opening match.
MATCH 1-Intercontinental Championship: Champion The Miz vs. Christian
Tie-up into a side headlock by Miz. Miz follows up with a shoulder off the ropes before talking some trash. Christian with a waistlock now, into a side headlock of his own. Miz backs Christian into a corner before nailing some cheap shots. Christian counters with some corner uppercuts, a corner whip and a back body drop before throwing Miz to the apron. Miz lands on his feet and manages to shoulder a charging Christian. He goes for an inside-out suplex, but Christian breaks it, slides to the floor and yanks Miz down before nailing a dropkick through the ropes. Back in the ring, Christian looks for a tornado DDT, but Miz breaks free and catches Christian with a kitchen sink before stomping away. A left hand by Miz knocks Christian back to the mat. Christian fights back, but takes a corner whip and hanging clothesline from Miz. Miz comes off the top with an axe handle, but only gets 2. Rear chinlock by Miz now. Christian punches his way out, but Miz stops him with a knee. Christian counters with a flapjack, sending Miz to the apron. Through the ropes, Miz back drops Christian to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Miz is stomping away at Christian and follows up with a running boot for 2. Rear chinlock is once again applied, and Christian once again fights out. Uppercut by Christian, and a sunset flip gets 2. Miz ducks a clothesline and hits the short backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for 2. Foot choke over the bottom rope by Miz. He looks for the hanging clothesline again, but Christian gets his feet up before climbing to the top rope. Miz gets back to his feet and crotches Christian before looking for a superplex. Christian blocks it and knocks Miz to the mat with a right hand. He goes for the frog splash, but Miz gets his knees up for 2. He tries the pin again, and Christian still kicks out. Miz picks Christian up and backs him into a corner. Christian slaps him and hits a middle rope dropkick. Miz is sporting a nice bruise on his chest. Christian is back up first and hits some punches. He follows up with a forearm off the ropes and a drop toehold into the middle rope. Christian hits the inside-out uppercut and an inverted hotshot before climbing back to the top. Cross-body gets 2. Christian mounts the middle rope, dives over Miz and hits the falling inverted DDT for 2. Miz yanks Christian into the corner via a handful of tights. Christian goes to the middle rope and lands the sunset flip. Miz rolls through and goes for a boot, but Christian ducks it. Miz locks Christian in a dragon sleeper position, and goes for the backbreaker/neckbreaker again, but Christian counters into a backslide for 2 before nailing Miz with an uppercut. Spinning European uppercut from the middle rope by Christian, and he looks for the Killswitch. Miz counters into a back suplex, but Christian lands on his feet. Miz kicks him in the knee and hits the snap DDT for 2. Miz pulls himself to his feet and mounts the middle rope. Christian yanks him off the ropes and signals for the spear. Miz rolls to the floor, suckers Christian back into the ring and nails a big boot. He looks for the SKF, but Christian reverses into the Killswitch. Miz counters out and backs into a corner. He ducks a clothesline and rolls Christian up with a schoolboy complete with a handful of tights for the 3.
In addition to the 4-way tonight, we’ve also got Sheamus/Cody Rhodes. That should be pretty solid.
MATCH 2: Jinder Mahal vs. Ryback
Nice to see Ryback finally being put against more established wrestlers. Granted, Jinder Mahal is all sorts of awful, but nevertheless. Tie-up starts the match, with Ryback backing Mahal to a corner before giving him a clean break. Mahal answers with a knee lift and some forearms. Ryback puts him down with a boot to the chest and a fall-away slam. Mahal rolls to the apron, where he hotshots Ryback and lands a knee to the side of the head. Back in the ring, Mahal hits a running knee for 1. Knee bomb and choke by Mahal, and Ryback shoves him off to the floor. Mahal is back in and continues dropping knees. Apparently, that’s his entire repertoire. He drops an elbow to the back, and now he attempts to humble Ryback. Ryback instead picks him up and drops him with a backpack stunner. Ryback grabs Mahal by the ears and slams his head into the mat repeatedly before nailing a spinebuster. Mahal ducks a clothesline and decides he’s had enough by sliding the floor and heading to the back. The entire right side of Mahal’s forehead looks bruised, but it might just be the lights. Anyway, Mahal continues to walk away, and Ryback gets the duke via count-out.
WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: Ryback.
If you thought WWE was annoying with Twitter, if Tout catches on, may L. Ron Hubbard help us all…
Daniel Bryan is in the back, looking mad. Sheamus comes in and says he knows he’s had a rough weeks, Sheamus looks like he was in a bar fight. He has a present for Bryan. It was supposed to be for his wedding night, but who knows? Maybe it’ll come in handy. Bryan opens the box, and it’s a book called “How to Last More Than 18 Seconds”.
MATCH 3: World Champion Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes (non-title)
Sheamus immediately backs Rhodes into the corner, but gives a clean break. Rhodes gets him in a waistlock, and Sheamus hits him with a back elbow that sends him to the floor. Rhodes gets back into the ring and gets Sheamus in a side headlock. Sheamus shoves him off and lands a shoulder for 2. Arm wringer by Sheamus, and Rhodes counters into one of his own. Sheamus lands some forearm shots. Rhodes ducks a clothesline, but runs right into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Rhodes boots him, and Sheamus comes back with a forearm before tying Rhodes up for the forearms. Rhodes breaks free with some back elbows and drops to the floor. Sheamus chases him back into the ring, where he hits the tied-up forearms from the outside. He tries for an inside-out suplex, but Rhodes lands on his feet on the apron and shoves Sheamus into the pole. Sheamus hits hard and crashes to the floor. Rhodes tells the referee to count. Sheamus manages to get back in at nine, and his shoulder is hurt. Dolph Ziggler’s music hits, and Mr. Money in the Bank makes his way out with Vickie Guerrero. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rhodes is still in control, punching away at Sheamus. Sheamus comes back with an Irish Hammer. Rhodes ducks a second one and hits a dropkick for 2. A version of the shining wizard gets another 2 as Ziggler and Vickie look on from near the announce desk. Sheamus foot chokes Sheamus over the bottom rope. Rhodes heads to the outside, where he nails Sheamus in the face with punches before hitting some forearms to the chest. He eyeballs Ziggler before getting back in the ring, where he gets a 2-count. Rhodes goes for a full-nelson, but can’t quite lock it in. Sheamus armdrags Rhodes off, but Rhodes kicks him in the knee and hits a Goldust uppercut. Sheamus responds with a high back body drop. Sheamus drops Rhodes with a pair of Irish Hammers, but Rhodes once again kicks him in the knee. He tries for a roll-up, but Sheamus holds onto the ropes and comes back with a running knee lift and a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for 2. Rhodes ducks a short-arm clothesline, and he lands a back elbow and a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes goes up and completely misses the moonsault. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2. Sheamus goes for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Rhodes elbows out and shoves Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus gets back to the apron, where he catches Rhodes with a gut shot. He climbs to the top rope, and Rhodes armdrags him off. Beautiful Disaster connects, but only gets 2. Rhodes goes for it again, but Sheamus catches him on the shoulders and nails White Noise. He signals for the Brogue Kick, and it connects for the 3.
WINNER: Sheamus. Ziggler starts to get in the ring for a cheap shot, but Sheamus sees him coming and keeps his eyes on Ziggler. Ziggler starts to get in the ring like he’s going to cash in, but changes his mind. He starts to leave, But Chris Jericho, wearing a Dolph Ziggler t-shirt, throws Ziggler into the ring from behind, where Sheamus nails Ziggler with a Brogue Kick. Jericho gets in the ring after Sheamus leaves and nails Ziggler with the Codebreaker as he gets to his feet.
Well, that’s two good matches so far tonight. Could be a solid show overall at this rate.
MATCH 4: Antonio Cesaro (w/Aksana) vs. WWE United States Champion Santino Marella (non-title)
Yes! Cesaro is back. His appearances are far too sporadic for my taste. He needs some new music, though. It’s very generic babyface. Cesaro pins Santino to the mat and slaps him in the head. Santino with an armdrag. Cesaro nails him with a forearm before some trapping headbutts to the chest, followed by a straight headbutt to the skull. Cesaro with a gutwrench suplex for 2 before going into a rear chinlock. Santino counters with a Saito Suplex, then nails Cesaro with a forearm and a saluting headbutt. He signals for the Cobra and puts the sock on, but Aksana distracts him on the apron. He manages to duck a clothesline by Cesaro and hits a hip toss. Cesaro ducks the Cobra and nails a stun gun before hitting the Gotch-Style Neutralizer for 3.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro.
We get a clip of D-Generation X attacking Damien Sandow from RAW 1000. Sandow will be in action next.
Did You Know? Contrary to popular belief, stretching before a workout or physical activity is actually a bad idea. It tightens the muscles, rather than loosening them up. It’s recommended to keep stretching to non-exercise days.
MATCH 5: Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow immediately hits a knee to the gut before throwing Tatsu to the floor. Sandow heads out and hurls Tatsu into the barricade before slamming his head into it as he screams, “Not a good day!”. Back in the ring, Sandow hits a side-Russian legsweep and the Elbow of Disdain. More knee lifts by Sandow, and the straightjacket neckbreaker ends it.
WINNER: Damien Sandow. After the match, Sandow says that, for all of us repulsive, ruffian wretches that enjoy what happened to him last Monday night at the hands of those unruly degenerates, he says this to us: He is our martyr. You’re welcome.
MATCH 6-Fatal 4-Way Match to determine a new #1 contender for the World Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)
Glad to see the Yes! jacket back. Not that the Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver ensemble was bad or anything. What the hell is Shazam, and why should I care about it? Oh, it’s just another useless social networking site I shouldn’t care about? Done. ADR attacks Rey as Kane attacks Bryan. Bryan nails Kane with a back elbow before low-bridging him. Bryan follows up with a suicide dive as Rey sends ADR to the floor and hits a running cannonball from the apron. Rey nails Bryan with a forearm and hits another cannonball off the top rope. Bryan comes back with a running forearm, taking Rey down. Bryan goes for the cover, but only gets 2. Kane slams ADR into the steps, but ADR trips him into them as well. Bryan knocks ADR off the apron, allowing Rey to roll him up for 2. Bryan fires up the Yes! Kicks and nails Rey with a forearm. Rey dropkicks him into the ropes and sets up for the 619, but ADR stops him with a clothesline. Bryan clothesline ADR, and Kane clotheslines Bryan. Corner whip by Kane, and he avalanches both Bryan and ADR. Sidewalk slam for Bryan gets 2, and Kane goes up for the non-flying clothesline, which connects. He signals for the chokeslam and locks it in before booting ADR down. He catches Rey as well, but they get out and hit a double boot. They go for a double suplex, which Kane counters into his own version. Commercials.
WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Alberto Del Rio. Looks like ADR gets one more shot at Sheamus’ title at Summerslam. Their last match was decent, so I’m okay with this. The 4-way was pretty enjoyable, too.
End of show.
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