Tonight on WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, we find out the identity of the new General Manager. Yes, I know it has already been announced as a result of spoilers, and I already know who it is, but for a few moments, let’s forget spoilers exist and pretend like it’s still a surprise, hmm?
The show kicks off with the WWE Chairman, Mr. McMahon making a rare appearance as he heads to the ring. He says finding the new Smackdown! GM has been an arduous task. He needed to find someone everyone respects, someone with character, charisma and experience, someone who can make the hard decisions and back them up. Here he is, your new GM…Booker T!
Booker T makes his way out to a nice response. Why do I get the feeling Teddy Long will eventually be made his assistant? Michael Cole has already begun sucking up on commentary. Book thanks Vince and the Board of Directors for this opportunity. Smackdown! is about to blow up, so let’s kick things off right now. The first thing…
Alberto Del Rio interrupts Book’s announcement, giving Book a sarcastic applause in the process. He congratulates Book on being the new GM, and he must be happy because he gets to work with ADR. Book tells him you don’t suck up to the new GM. At least make this sound like it’s not a bunch of crap. On Monday night, ADR had a few words for Sheamus, saying he was beneath ADR. ADR makes that claim once again, calling Sheamus a peasant and a fat, red-headed hooligan. ADR has the blood of champions and was bred for greatness, so he doesn’t need to kiss Book’s butt. Speaking of Sheamus, he joins the festivities now. Sheamus congratulates Book for becoming the new GM. Fantastic, fella. After the show, he wants to celebrate with Book, making the first pint on him. As for ADR, he can mock Sheamus all he wants, but the fact is, he’s proud of where he came from and who he is. Sure, unlike ADR, he didn’t have someone brushing his teeth and wiping his arse every time he cried. However, he won’t be the one taking 3 weeks off every time his manicured nails get dirty. ADR really isn’t competing until Summerslam? ADR says that’s right, but Book puts a stop to that. He says both of them will have matches tonight. ADR doesn’t care who Book is; he’s not competing until the PPV. Book says ADR has all the money in the world, but that money apparently doesn’t make him hear better. Book is the boss now, and ADR will compete tonight, sucka, in the middle of this ring. And his opponent…is Randy Orton. Book turns to Sheamus and says he appreciates the sentiment from earlier, but that doesn’t matter right now, because Sheamus has a match right now, and his opponent is Tensai.
MATCH 1: World Champion Sheamus vs. Tensai (w/Sakamoto) (non-title)
We get a cut-away promo from Tensai, and it’s spoken entirely in Japanese, so I have no idea what is said. Match starts with a tie-up as both fight for control. Sheamus fights out and locks in a front chancery before going into a side headlock. A double-shoulder off the ropes leads a stalemate, and Sheamus quickly goes back to the headlock, turning it into an arm wringer.Tensai forearms him, and they begin trading blows. Tensai backs Sheamus to the corner with shoulder thrusts, and Sheamus counters with forearm shots. Tensai with an uppercut, and Sheamus takes him down with a double-leg before grinding his forearm in Tensai’s face and locking in a rear chinlock. Tensai punches out and lands a back elbow off the ropes. Tensai drags him to the middle of the ring, but misses an elbow drop. Sheamus responds with some running knee drops and a baseball slide, sending Tensai to the floor. Tensai throws Sakamoto at Sheamus, who just shoves him off and continues the attack. Back in the ring, Tensai takes control with a headbutt. More headbutts in the corner, sending Sheamus down to the bottom rope. Sheamus kicks him in the knee, gut and chest, and backflips up to the top rope. He misses the Battering Ram, and Tensai blocks the Irish Curse. Sheamus rebounds and clotheslines Tensai to the floor. Sheamus kicks Tensai from the apron and goes for a dive, but Tensai catches him and just throws him into the ring post. Commercials.
WINNER: Sheamus. Good, old-school style brawl here. Had a very 80s feel to it, which is totally okay in my book.
Eve Torres is sitting around in Booker T’s office when he enters. She kisses up to him before reminding him what a valuable asset she was to John Laurinaitis. If he needs any help or if there are any positions open, she feels she’d be a great fit. Teddy Long walks in and says Book has earned his way to the top. Book compliments Long on his job on Smackdown! before offering him a position as senior advisor to the GM. He turns to Eve and tells her all positions have now been filled before asking Long to escort her out of the office. She storms off in a huff.
Did You Know? In the 2010 Winter Olympic Games, 100,000 condoms were dispensed to approximately 6500 Olympic athletes, and within a couple days, several hundred thousand more were dropped off in an “emergency shipment”.
MATCH 2: Antonio Cesaro (w/Aksana) vs. WWE United States Champion Santino Marella (non-title)
Before the match, Cesaro tells the crowd “Hello” in five different language. Why? Because he can. Cesaro misses a clothesline, and Santino punches him. Cesaro backs Santino into a corner and lays in some body shots. Santino slides out of a slam and turns it into a roll-up for 2. Cesaro drops him with a clothesline before picking him up for a gutwrench suplex for 2. Cesaro goes into a rear chinlock, and Santino fights back, catching Cesaro in a backslide for 2. He ducks a clothesline and hits the splits hiptoss before landing the saluting headbutt. Cobra time, but Cesaro headbutts him in the gut. Cesaro goes for the Neutralizer, but Santino slides out and lands the Cobra. He goes for the pin, but Cesaro has his leg under the bottom rope, and slides to the floor as Santino argues with the referee. He heads outside, where Cesaro slams him into the barricade. Cesaro gets back in the ring, and as soon as Santino gets in, Cesaro nails the Gotch-Style Neutralizer for the 3.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro. Okay, I think it’s time to give the US belt to Cesaro. Nothing against Santino, but he’s been beaten twice, and is otherwise doing nothing with the belt.
We’ve got a 6-man later tonight, as Kane, Christian and Chris Jericho take on The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan.
Matt Stryker is in the back with Daniel Bryan. He says it’s been in an interesting few weeks for Bryan, and has a video package to show exactly that. After the video, Bryan say he has no comments, and we are in fact going to hear him say “no” more often. To back it up, Bryan has a brand new “No! No! No!” t-shirt on. Yes, Bryan can be the greatest of all time. Yes, he can be World Champion. He gets to say “yes”, not these people. No, you can’t chant “yes”. No, you can’t steal his catchphrase! No, he doesn’t need a psychiatric evaluation from some hack doctor! No! No! No! No!
MATCH 3-6-Man Tag Team Match: Chris Jericho, Christian and Kane vs. Intercontinental Champion The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan (w/Vickie Guerrero)
Bryan and Christian start off, with Christian taking a headbutt, some kicks and stomps. Side headlock by Bryan, and the criss-cross ends with a forearm by Christian. Bryan avoids the inside-out uppercut, but gets caught in the inverted hotshot. Christian follows up with a middle rope dropkick for 2. Kane tags in, goes to the top and hits the clothesline for another 2. Kane throws Bryan to the corner, where he lands some right hands. Corner whip and clothesline follow suit, as does a big boot off the ropes for 2. Bryan slides out of a bodyslam and trips Kane into the middle turnbuckle. Miz tags in, but takes an uppercut from Kane while coming off the top rope. Kane with an arm wringer before tagging in Jericho. Jericho lands several shots, followed by a back elbow off the ropes. Bodyslam before Ziggler swats him from behind. The distraction allows Miz to land a big boot before tagging Ziggler in. Jericho immediately takes Ziggler down before hitting a corner clothesline and a chop. Irish whip, but Ziggler holds onto the ropes and slides to the floor. Jericho goes for a suicide dive, but Ziggler puts Vickie in front of himself, putting a stop to the move. Commercials.
Back from the break, Miz and Christian have apparently tagged back in, and Miz is in control with a side headlock. Christian fights out and looks for the tag, but Miz picks him up on his shoulders. Christian reverses into a sunset flip for 2, but eats a clothesline almost immediately. Bryan tags in and lands the No! Kicks to the chest for 2. Ziggler tags in now and boots Christian in the stomach before hitting the jumping elbow to the back for 2. Christian fights back with punches, but Ziggler counters with a dropkick for another 2. Miz tags in again, nailing a running boot for 2. Miz puts Christian in a modified camel clutch, but there will be no humbling tonight as Christian fights out. Miz knees him in the gut before throwing him to the corner. He tries for the hanging clothesline, but Christian gets his feet up on the charge and follows up with a middle rope European uppercut. Bryan and Jericho tag in. Jericho hits a pair of shoulders off the ropes, and a springboard dropkick for Ziggler. Bulldog on Bryan, and Lionsault gets 2 as Ziggler breaks it up. Kane takes Ziggler out and goes for a chokeslam on Bryan, but Miz clips his knee and sends him to the floor. Christian clotheslines Miz to the floor. Bryan misses the roundhouse, and Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho. Vickie Guerrero jumps on the apron as Ziggler tries to come in with his briefcase. Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Ziggler with the case in-hand, and the distraction allows Bryan to roll Jericho up for the 3.
WINNERS: Daniel Bryan, The Miz and Dolph Ziggler.
Matt Striker is in the locker room, and as you would expect, he’s with Randy Orton. Striker wants to know how his long layoff has affected him. Orton says WWE is his life, and being away was like the breath being sucked from his lungs. He doesn’t plan on going away any time soon. ADR is the #1 contender, and that’s because he hasn’t faced Orton. So, tonight he’s going to give the WWE Universe something they’ve been dying to see, and that’s ADR get hit with a perfectly executed. R…K… … …. *checks watch* … … … … … O. *wakes up from coma*
MATCH 4: Jinder Mahal vs. Ryback
I realize WWE skipped the annual firing spree this year due to Linda McMahon’s political campaign. Hopefully, after November when she loses, WWE can finally start dumping some of their dead weight, most definitely including Mahal. We get a cut-away promo from Ryback, who talks about the law of jungle before saying, “Feed me more.” Ryback shoulders Mahal back to the corner before hitting a standing overhead belly-to-belly suplex. He grabs Mahal by the ears and slams his head into the mat and follows up with a standard overhead belly-to-belly. Mahal kicks him away out of the corner and lands a running knee. He goes for another, but Ryback sidesteps him and lands a standing spinebuster. Ryback signals for the clothesline, but Mahal slides to the floor, where he grabs a microphone and cracks Ryback over the head with it.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Ryback. Ryback no-sells the shot and attempts to chase after Mahal, who has run up to the stage. I’m guessing this leads to a No Holds Barred Match next week.
All World Promotions are being stupid in the back before telling someone in charge of merchandise that WWE needs PTP t-shirts.
Did You Know? The stadium built for the 1976 Olympics in Montreal wasn’t finished until 11 years after that year’s games ended, and it took the city 30 years to pay off the debt incurred by hosting the games.
MATCH 5: WWE Tag Team Co-Champion R-Truth (w/Kofi Kingston) vs. Darren Young (w/AW and Titus O’Neil)
Truth fires off some rights, putting Young in the corner. More punches and kicks until Young catches him off the ropes with a powerslam for 2. Truth comes back with punches, but Young low bridges him to the floor. AW causes a distractiong, allowing O’Neil to stomp Truth. Kofi puts a stop to that with a dive off the steps. AW throws his jacket in Kofi’s face, and Kofi chases him to the stage. Back in the ring, Truth goes for a suplex from the apron, but O’Neil trips him up, allowing Young to fall on Truth for 2. Kofi gets taken out by Young, and Truth dropkicks him through the ropes. He turns around and gets nailed with Forever Young for the 3.
WINNER: Darren Young.
Booker T is in his office, on the phone with someone. He ends the call to take care of business with Layla. Cody Rhodes interrupts things. Layla walks off before Rhodes congratulates Book on his new position, and he hopes the fact that Rhodes ending his career earlier this year doesn’t affect their working relationship from this point out. Book calls him “sucka”, and next week, Rhodes is going to face Sin Cara. Now, can you dig that, sucka? Layla comes back and Book tells her he likes this job.
Michael Cole just called this “not a normal match” since Randy Orton is involved. This, despite the fact that this match is the very definition of a normal match. Randy Orton is not special. ADR starts off with some kicks to Orton’s leg and midsection. Orton fights back with forearms and a clothesline out of the corner. A trio of corner clotheslines by Orton, and now it’s time for corner-mounted punches. ADR rolls to the floor for a breather, but runs right into a back body drop once gets back in the ring. ADR rolls to the apron, where Orton kicks him and sets up the suspended DDT. ADR back drops him to the apron, hits a kick an inverted hotshot sends Orton to the floor. ADR heads outside and throws Orton into the barricade before simply standing on his face. Back in the ring, ADR gets 2. ADR with a rear chinlock combined with his knee in Orton’s back now, but Orton fights out. ADR headbutts him, and Orton ducks a clothesline and hits the 3.0. Garvin Stomp follows, but he misses the jumping knee. ADR throws Orton to the corner sternum-first before landing a step-up kick to the back for 2. ADR fires off some right hands in corner before landing a hard corner whip and a nice kick to the face. Orton gets whipped again, but crosses himself over the top rope to avoid a charging ADR, he gets ADR in the Oklahoma Roll, but only gets 2. Pair of clotheslines, clothesline duck and powerslam by Orton. Orton throws ADR to the ropes for the suspended DDT, which connects this time. He falls to the mat to set up for the RKO, but Ricardo jumps Orton, causing the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Randy Orton. ADR hits the double-knee armbreaker, but Orton shoves off the rolling jujigatame attempt. ADR mounts the middle rope, and Orton dropkicks him to the floor. As ADR and Ricardo are leaving, Sheamus throws ADR into the ring, where Orton lands the RKO.
End of show.
L. Ron Hubbard forbid ADR look strong going into his title match when Randy Orton has to look good after returning from his drug suspension. Oh, and if you don’t think Orton was on performance enhancers before, I dare you to look at him before his suspension and look at him now and tell me there’s no difference in his build.
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.
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