-Opening montage of the Christian vs. Randy Orton feud kicks off the broadcast. I’m really thinking this will be the main event instead of the WWE RAW guys this time around. Hey, isn’t Sunday Father’s Day? The buy rates of this PPV are gonna be turrrrible.
-Ahhh, yet another taped, panoramic shot of the fans from the lovely city of…I guess it doesn’t really matter. Unless Christian comes out and spouts off something about “you people and your team!” Man, WWE should come to Vancouver, stat. R Truth could march out in a Bruins jersey and crack jokes like “who lef’ da stove on?!…don’t boo me, ya should be booin’ yaselves!…oooh, BURN! SHAZAM!!”
–Randy Orton comes out and says he doesn’t give a damn about having a concussion. Biting social commentary from a guy who apparently missed the story of that Chris Benoit dude and his million flying headbutts from the top rope. Commissioner Long comes out and spouts off some legal mumbo jumbo about Orton not fighting tonight.
-Cue Captain Charisma who tells Orton that he’ll use his brain bruise as an excuse when Christian destroys him at WWE Capitol Punishment. One of the few things I love about Christian’s heel persona is when he mocks Teddy Long’s polling of the crowd. Sheamus is out now, fella. He does make a great point about Christian sucking balls as of late. If Mark May of ESPN was looking at those win-losses numbers he’d throw an angina fit. Long announces that is Sheamus beats Christian tonight Sheamus will join Christian and Orton in a 3-way at the PPV.
-annnnnnd, there go the lights. God Sin Cara sucks. Nothing like seeing the exact same six man tag you saw days ago. Sin Cara flips and dips around DiBiase, who retreats to the ramp, and commercial, again? By the way, I’ve never gotten the love for Daniel Bryan here on the information super highway. He has no character, and the guy never impresses in the ring, short of finding new ways to catch people in the LeBell lock.
-We’re back from commercial and Sin Cara is still in. Tag the huge black guy with softballs on his shoulders and let him slam everything to hell. DiBiase and Sin Cara ran toward the same rope in what looked like a major botch.
-Daniel Bryan came in to destroy DiBiase and scored a really awkward pin. No Zeke Jackson to be seen and Rhodes saw about 20 seconds of action. Commentators, what bearing did that match have on the PPV like you promised?
-Sheamus cuts a promo about beating everyone and winning the Heavyweight title, followed by the RAW Power to the People promo. Power to the people is going to be ten times worse than you think. The people sure love Zack Ryder…give him a title shot against Cena or we riot. Literally. Right, Canada?
–Jinder Mahal vs. Vladimir Kozlov. Jinder is the skinniest, muscular guy I’ve seen in wrestling in a while, if that makes sense. He has chicken legs and bulging, veiny pecks. And what’s his character supposed to be? Bollywood Del Rio? Finally, someone is nailing Mahal with offense, but it only lasts a few moves. The Great Khali interferes and hits Kozlov with his right hand and Mahal finishes him off with the full nelson slam. Squash city, but should Mahal get a PPV match? I think Kane’s schedule is free…book the match, Teddy.
-The Big Show, a RAW superstar, comes out for an in-ring interview, I guess to not let us forget he has a match this Sunday. Seriously, guys, him and Del Rio…it’s happening. The Big Show says he feels fine and starts to get emotional…cue Teddy Long again, who says Show is in legal trouble for beating the tar out of Ricardo Rodriguez on Monday.
–Mark Henry vs. The Big Show. The match starts and Show is still wearing his hoodie. After 10 seconds of brawling, Show scores a round one TKO and goes all lights out on Henry, who hasn’t moved. Never seen Henry squashed like that before, even when he was a 5th string Nation of Domination soldier. They are doing the whole loading Henry up on the flatboard, which I guess is a good vehicle to eat up five minutes of show time. That’s what paying, live fans want-fake injuries gobbling up their show.
-Christian backstage promo. He says he pissed, and rightly so. But Christian, you should still be a face. Your large animated graphic shirt says so.
–Alicia Fox, Tamina, and Rosa Mendes vs. Natalya, AJ, Kaitlyn. Now we are talking. AJ matches on Smackdown from here on out. Kaitlyn can play too, if only they keep posting cute pictures together on Twitter. Natalya goes for the sharpshooter, not knowing how submissions work in a tag match. Aww, AJ punched Tamina so hard that AJ fell down…Tamina quickly counters and nails a fireman’s carry with authority! Ouch…Tamina scores the win.
-Johnny Curtis promo. I like what they are doing with this guy, but he all but kills his momentum every time he has to explain the meaning of his charade. At the very least, patronize us with Booker T or Cole guessing at the meaning, but don’t let Curtis act like a jackass and explain his own joke.
-Another WWE Capitol Punishment dream sequence. Every show, now? Really?! Rhodes, Sheamus, and Christian were all kind of funny, but what’s the point of Khali yelling and Hornswoggle talking gibberish? Can he not speak? Can’t Hornswoggle rap? I saw it myself at Wrestlemania. Is it like that character on The Big Bang Theory who can only talk to girls when drunk? All that and more…at Capitol Punishment!*
-Promo for The Very Best of Monday Night Nitro…first wrestling DVD I want to buy in a long time.
– The Usos vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. I like Team Slabriel..this could be a good match. Hopefully they will keep them together and strengthen the almost non-existent tag division. Quick, name the tag champions…exactly.
-Slater is dominating early, mostly because Uso #1 is dancing around like an idiot. Or “poplocking” as Michael Cole says. Actually, the Usos have some pretty sweet moves…and they are Rikishi’s kids?! [mind blown] Near fall by the Usos, followed by a superkick and a pin on Gabriel. Fun, short match. Love to see more of these guys in a tag title program this summer.
-More RAW recaps. Totally unnecessary. Who out there isn’t watching RAW but tunes into lowly Smackdown? If anything, Jerry Lawler should be doing play-by-play of that AJ and Kaitlyn match and shrieking about puppies. Just like the old days. In fairness, the recap is about R Truth, who is currently the most interesting character on television. No, not just wrestling. Tele-frickin’-vision. Your move, MasterChef judges.
–Alberto Del Rio comes out in some rented car. Man, he looks naked without Brodus Clay and Ricardo Rodriguez. Why is another Raw guy on Smackdown anyway? If this means he stops killing R Truth’s buzz than more power to him. He can even be buddies with Jinder Mahal. They can call their stable…The Aristocrats!
-“Ricardo was my best friend. He was loyal…he follow me everywhere, like a dog!” Haha. Del Rio vows revenge for Ricardo and dedicates the match against Show in honor of his laid up friend. The Big Show comes out in his oversized hoodie, charges the ring…and the bottom ring broke! Don’t they usually edit this stuff out? First a botched ref count and now this! Del Rio takes to the crowd, because yeah, that’s where heels feel welcome.
-Show commences destroying the poorly built announcer table. Calm down, Show. Just find him in the parking lot afterward. He’s the one driving the ridiculous car.
-Sheamus vs. Christian. Randy Orton comes out for his role as special guest something. Ref? Overseer of activities? Whatever. As a small kid, if your parents shell out for a live show you better damn well hear Orton or Cena’s music or it’s not a real show.
-Sheamus’ bruises are so gnarly looking. Let’s let up on the kendo-ing of Sheamus next time, guys. Not too much momentum before the first commercial break. Ugh.
-Christian comes out hot, choking and jumping on the Irishman. Quick Irish Curse backbreaker..a little early for that move I think. First gut feeling that Christian wins this, although you can’t deny the possibilities of a triple threat match. Plus it’ll give Orton less to do considering his injury.
-Rare Sheamus move off the top rope. Sheamus better win this. I get the feeling that Sheamus’ incredibly early title run is almost coming back to hurt him in 2011. Christian scores a close fall and is trash talking a punch drunk Orton. He set up for the Spear but didn’t sell the move at all as he gets clobbered by a Sheamus forearm.
-Christian’s Kill Switch is the easiest finisher to escape, hands down. Wow, Christian slams Sheamus’ head down onto the ring post and covers up for the three count! Booo! Orton rushes in and charges Christian with the belt. What’s he pissed about? Now it’s just one on one at CP. And now Orton just punted Sheamus, whose head must feel several kinds of awful right now. Seriously, his noggin bouncing off the ring post was absolutely sick. What’d ya do that fer, fella?
-Entertaining show. Filled the AJ quota, but failed on the obvious Triple Threat main event. Del Rio and Big Show showing up was kind of cheap. 6/10
Full Friday Night SmackDown June 17 Results
-Daniel Bryan, Sin Cara, and Ezekiel Jackson defeated Wade Barrett, Ted DiBiase, and Cody Rhodes
-Jinder Mahal defeated Vladimir Kozlov
-Big Show defeated Mark Henry
-Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendes, and Tamina defeated Natalya, A.J. Lee, and Kaitlyn
-The Uso Brothers defeated Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel
-Christian defeated Sheamus
John Cena (Champ) vs. R Truth, WWE Championship. If the rumors are true of an Alberto Del Rio and John Cena Summer Slam feud, that’s sad because R Truth has so much more to offer a main event with his character. Del Rio should be going after the Heavyweight title…what, did he just try once and give up? Great competitive spirit. You gotta love Truth, but Cena is still king.
Who Should Win: R Truth
Who WILL Win: John Cena
Who Should Win: Alberto Del Rio
Who WILL Win: Alberto Del Rio
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio. Punk’s been hot lately, which initially leads me to believe that Mysterio might come out on top. I always feel, though, that these undercard matches are dependent on the main events, which favors Punk.
Who Should Win: CM Punk
Who WILL Win: CM Punk
The Miz vs. Alex Riley. Some may not know this, but I adore The Miz, and was thoroughly hurt when John Cena killed Osama and took Miz’s title in one fell swoop. I will admit though I completely mark out whenever Riley comes out to that nu-metal theme song, but Riley isn’t ready to get over just yet.
Who Should Win: The Miz
Who WILL Win: The Miz
Kofi Kingston (Champ) vs. Dolph Ziggler, US Championship. Both of these guys are on the brink of becoming the new crop of top tier superstars in the company, so this is the toughest pick of all. Dolph was so close to getting the Heavyweight belt from Edge a few months back and I believe management might still be hot for him.
Who Should Win: Kofi Kingston
Who WILL Win: Dolph Ziggler
Wade Barrett (Champ) vs. Ezekiel Jackson, Intercontinental Championship. Vince McMahon apparently loves Jackson like a son, and Barrett has lost all steam since destroying the Corre.
Who Should Win: Wade Barrett
Who WILL Win: Zeke Jackson
Randy Orton (Champ) vs. Christian, WWE World Heavyweight Title. With Cena likely holding the belt for the majority of the summer, I think it would make sense that Orton could drop it whenever, especially considering his concussion. Although it does seem that Christian just shoehorned his way into some sort of weird Edge surrogate role, a title change here can really add legitimate fire to Christian’s somewhat lacking heel repertoire.
Who Should Win: Randy Orton
Who WILL Win: Christian
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