Before I get into this week’s recap, I’d like to state my opinion on the whole Jericho suspension issue real quick. My viewpoint is that, while it sucks that one of the best workers in the world is facing a 30-day suspension, and his first suspension in his entire WWF/E career (maybe his entire career on a whole), I understand the reasoning behind it. While Jericho was just doing his job as a heel and trying to elicit a reaction from the crowd, as Jim Ross put it, “rules are rules”, and obeying the law takes precedent over entertainment.
While there is a chance Jericho may not have known the law about tampering with a national flag in Brazil (which is very possible, as I didn’t even know the law existed until this suspension occurred), WWE needed to do this from a business standpoint and save face. I think Jericho is also handling the situation correctly, apologizing several times for the incident in Sao Paulo, not griping about anything and respectfully taking WWE’s side in the matter, basically saying he screwed up and the punishment should fit the crime. He may not actually agree with this in his mind, but on the outside, he’s doing everything correctly in order to prevent backlash or causing a rift between him and his employer. I’m sure some will disagree with me, but that is my take on the issue.
Speaking of this issue, John Bradshaw Layfield also weighed in on this, and let me say that he is a complete t$%#t-stain, and comparing this incident to Anthony Hopkins’ character in the Hannibal Lecter movies is completely ridiculous.
Anyway, the show starts off with Show costing Cena at Over the Limit, a finish that approximately NO ONE saw coming. My feeling? Hmmm…no sir, I didn’t like it. There was absolutely nothing good about that match, and I hope CM Punk and Daniel Bryan were laughing their #$es off in the back, knowing full well that no way in hell could Cena/Laurinaitis successfully follow the absolute clinic they put on at the PPV.
In the arena, Ace’s executive administrator, Eve Torres, makes her way down to the ring. I didn’t think it was possible to ruin the “sexy secretary” look, but she’s done it with her orange skin and butt chin. She reminds us Ace is still the GM of both shows after this past Sunday, pinning Cena to exert his “physical superiority”. However, due to an international business trip, Ace isn’t here tonight. But don’t worry, as he left her in charge. Cena will be dealt with on Monday night, but tonight, she is going to deal with World Champion Sheamus. Two things are going to happen tonight. 1) He will issue an apology for bumping into Ace on Monday night, and 2) she will announce his opponent for No Way Out.
Alberto Del Rio makes his way out, and has something to tell Eve. She’s not only beautiful (*snickers*), but she’s also smart (*double snickers*). Having said that, she knows there’s no better choice for NWO than him. What happened to him in his quest for the title was horrible. He knows she’s just perfect, but she needs to ask herself, does she want to make Ace proud? The answer is “Si”. So, make him the #1 contender for Sheamus. She says he makes a compelling case for him, and there is no one more deserving…
Randy Orton’s music hits, and he heads to the ring. He does the introduction bit. Thanks, but I already had to deal with this last night with Bully Ray. He says Eve has a big decision to make, so we should let the people help her with the decision. Oh, that’s just great. Of course, they cheer for Orton, because they’re total drones who don’t realize how boring he is. In the name of “People Power”, Orton says she has her answer.
Kane’s music hits because, well, why the hell not? Orton’s already out here demanding a title shot he’s done nothing to deserve, so let’s add another undeserving waste of space to this equation. Kane says neither have his qualifications. That “pasty, white, Irish ghost” should have to face him. In case, she needs anymore convincing, tonight’s episode of the show is #666. Ooh. Spooky. Eve says there’s only one way to settle this, and predictably makes a triple threat match for tonight, with the winner getting the shot.
We see some stills from OTL, which saw Christian win a “People Power” battle royal and earn a shot at the IC title later in the night, which then saw Christian pick up his fourth IC title with a victory over Cody Rhodes. If you didn’t see the show, Christian and Rhodes put on a very solid match. Christian makes his way out to the ring, and he’ll be in action after the commercials.
While getting 1000 episodes for a single show is impressive, that impressiveness falls when the show has had a new episode every week for nearly 20 years, whereas most shows only do about 20 new episodes a season. It’s really not a fair comparison.
[adinserter block=”2″]MATCH 1: Intercontinental Champion Christian vs. Hunico (w/Camacho) (non-title)
Hunico starts with a side headlock, and Christian counters with a shoulder off the ropes. Hunico gets some shots in, but Christian counters with a back body drop, sending Hunico to the floor. Hunico sidesteps out of the way of a baseball slide, and a distraction from Camacho allows Hunico to shove Christian into the ring post. Hunico follows up with a suicide dive before getting back into the ring. Hunico hits a bodyslam, but misses a springboard tope from the middle rope. Christian fires off some punches and knocks him down with a forearm. Hunico catches a middle rope dropkick attempt and turns it into a jackknife for 2. Christian counters with a roll-up for 2. Christian hits a spinning European uppercut off the middle rope for 2. He looks for the Killswitch, but Camacho distracts him. Christian knocks him off the apron, allowing Hunico to attack from behind. Hunico looks for the fireman’s carry slam, but Christian reverses into the Killswitch, hits it, then lands a top rope frog splash for the 3.
WINNER: Christian. Not sure why Christian switched up his finisher. Not that I’m complaining; I’m just curious as to the reason. After the match, Cody Rhodes comes out and says that he spent 8 months wiping the dirt off the IC title. It had been held by jokes like Santino Marella, and him winning it helped remind people it was held by greats, listing off Tito Santana, Randy Savage and HBK. In one night, Christian threw it all away. No one cares about that title now because no one cares about him. When Rhodes gets his entitled rematch, it’s only going to take him 3 seconds to bring prestige back to the belt. Christian challenges him to get in the ring, but Rhodes heads to the back instead.
Did You Know? The word “pinky” comes from the Dutch word “pink”, which literally translates to “little finger”.
Match 2: The Usos (Jey and Jimmy) vs. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young
We see footage of these two teams arguing earlier today about who is the better team. O’Neil and Young are wearing bedazzled shirts, so they’re automatically disqualified. O’Neil starts off getting slugged by an Uso and an uppercut. Other Uso tags in and gets some chops to the chest. First Uso back in with a forearm. O’Neil mule kicks him, and Young gets in a shot from behind. O’Neil kicks him in the face before tagging in Young, O’Neil drops Young on the Uso with a gourdbuster for 2. O’Neil back in, and he stomps away. Young back in, and he corner whips the Uso. Uso hits him with a back elbow and tags in Other Uso. He takes Young down with a clothesline, a mule kick and a Samoan Drop. I learn this is Jimmy. Jimmy lands a hip bump in the corner, but O’Neil breaks up the pin. O’Neil sends Jey to the floor, and Jey drags him out. O’Neil throws him into the apron as Jimmy superkicks Young. Young crotches him on the top after an O’Neil distracts him. O’Neil tags back in, and they hit their sloppy version of the Demolition Decaptitation for the 3.
WINNERS: Titus O’Neil and Darren Young.
Ryback is in action up next.
Dragon’s Dogma looks like it could have potential.
We see a video for Sin Cara, who will be returning to botch it up on next week’s episode.
MATCH 3-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl vs. Ryback
Kevin Bendl is indy standout Ricky Reyes, BTW. Bendl says Ryback has never beat two guys before at the same time. Didn’t he do that at Extreme Rules? Before he can finish his thought, Ryback’s music hits. He’s got a nasty shiner on his left eye, too. Ryback shoves Bendl and boots Edwards down. He swings Edwards into Bendl before dropping him with a powerbomb. He drops Bendl with a spinebuster, holds on, and turns it into a powerbomb. Lariat for Edwards, knocking him out. Ryback looks for his finisher on Bendl, then decides to pick them both up at the same time. Ryback hits them both with the running fisherman’s suplex at the same time to get the easy 3 on both.
WINNER: Ryback. That spot at the end was damn impressive. I don’t care what anyone says, I like Ryback.
Up next, Santino Marella takes on Ricardo Rodriguez.
Insane or Inspired looks like a YouTube version of “I Love the 80s”.
MATCH 4: WWE United States Champion Santino Marella vs. Ricardo Rodriguez (non-title)
Marella’s power-walk still cracks me up. Rodriguez comes out to the most stereotypical mariachi music you could imagine. He also does his own ring announcement. And, it should be pointed out that he’s wrestling in his tux. Rodriguez tries for a lock-up, but doesn’t know how to do it. Marella gets him in a side headlock, then knocks him down with a shoulder off the ropes. Criss-cross segment sees Rodriguez eventually just start bouncing off the ropes for no reason until he tires himself out. Marella picks him up for an airplane spin. Marella falls out of the ring from making himself dizzy. Rodriguez starts to go out to the floor, but Marella crawls under the ring. Rodriguez goes to the other side, but Marella appears from the side he crawled under, sets up the Cobra, nails it and gets the 3.
WINNER: Santino Marella. Completely and utterly pointless. The sad thing is, Rodriguez is not only a trained wrestler, but is actually pretty talented. I’m curious if they’ll ever let him become a regular in-ring performer somewhere down the road. After all, Alberto Del Rio really doesn’t need him to get over anymore.
Sheamus’ apology is up next.
Did You Know? The world’s largest pencil is 76 feet long, and weighs 22,000 pounds, 4,000 of which are graphite. Ashrita Furman, the man who holds the record, has set over 300 other world records in his lifetime, including the world record for “Most current Guinness world records held at the same time by an individual”.
World Champion Sheamus makes his way out, supposedly to make the apology that Eve Torres ordered earlier in the show. He reminds us that he’s supposed to apologize. It’s funny because, when an accident happens, you shouldn’t have to apologize for it. He was simply running to the ring, and Mr. Laurinaitis simply got in his way. Of course, there’s people here who say he did it on purpose. If that’s true, it was accidentally on purpose. So, here’s his apology. He would like to apologize…he would like to apologize…he would like to apologize for John Laurinaitis being a massive arse. And while we’re talking about Johnny’s arse, you’ll find his two assistants, Eve and David Otunga, so far up there, they could tell you what he had for breakfast. He’d also like to apologize for everyone else who kisses his arse, including a 7-foot, 440-pound arse kisser. As for his championship match at NWO, if he had his way, he’d be facing Randy Orton.
Vickie Guerrero makes her way onto the stage and says that Eve just informed her that Sheamus has a match right now. She introduces his opponent, that being Jack Swagger.
MATCH 5: World Champion Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger (non-title)
Tie-up starts the match, with them shoving each other all around the ring. Sheamus gets a clean break out of the corner. Swagger ducks a clothesline and gets a waistlock takedown. Sheamus elbows out. Swagger boots him out of the corner. Sheamus sidesteps the chop-block. Swagger lands a knee to the gut and some punches, and Sheamus fires back with his own. Sheamus lands a clothesline off the ropes, then goes up top for the Battering Ram, which connects for 2. Swagger rolls out to the floor, and Sheamus meets him with a clothesline. Sheamus punches Swagger before rolling him into the ring, and looks for the slingshot. Guerrero distacts him, allowing Swagger to chop-block Sheamus and send him to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Swagger is working over Sheamus’ left leg, which was apparently injured on his landing before the commercial. Sheamus gets back up and goes for the Irish Curse, but Swagger elbows out and drags Sheamus to the post, where he whips the leg into it. Back in the ring, Swagger hits the leg DDT for 2. Swagger with a step-over toehold. Sheamus eventually kicks him off and gets to the corner, where he’s met with a running clothesline. Swagger ties the leg up over the middle rope. Sheamus fights out with some forearms to the back of the head. Swagger gets crotched on a kick attempt, and Sheamus counters with a neckbreaker. Sheamus lands a trio of Irish Hammers. He goes for a powerslam, and Swagger slides out. Sheamus sends him to the apron off a charge, which allows him to hit the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus suplexes him back in for a 2-count. Sheamus goes for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Swagger rolls through into a sunset flip, which he then turns into an ankle lock. Sheamus kicks him off, but misses a Brogue Kick, allowing Swagger to chop-block him and follow up with a Swagger Bomb for 2. Swagger looks for the Doctor Bomb, but Sheamus flips out of it and quickly hits the Brogue Kick for the 3 in a nice finishing spot.
WINNER: Sheamus. Good match. Sheamus is more athletic for a big man than most give him credit for.
MATCH 6: Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow
This is a result from last week, where Sandow handed Tatsu’s ass to him in a brawl. Sandow makes his way out, mic in hand. I cannot stress how great this man is. Last week, he was faced with another condundrum: either face an undeserving Yoshi Tatsu in front of the unwashed masses, or abstain from such a mockery so everyone can continue to place him on the pedestal of enlightenment we all clamor for. Please refrain from making noise when he is speaking, thank you. However, he chose to depart without incident when he was accosted by the sophomoric bantering of the ignoramus that stands before him. Sadly, this dunce did not grasp the concept of what Sandow was trying to teach him. Tonight, Sandow will impart the lesson on him physically, not just for him, but for the benefit, welfare and common good for each of us. You’re welcome! The match starts with Tatsu trying to attack him in the corner a couple of times as Sandow asks the referee to please get him off of Sandow. Sandow boots him in the knee, hits several knees and a side-Russian legsweep. Sandow nails the straightjacket neckbreaker and gets the 3.
WINNER: Damien Sandow. Total squash that served its purpose in showing Sandow’s greatness. Sandow then does a perfect cartwheel after the match to celebrate. We even get a slo-mo replay of the cartwheel, which is just awesome.
We see a clip from earlier tonight when Ryback destroyed two wrestlers with a double running fisherman’s suplex. I’m not going to call it a muscle buster, since the set-up is in fact a fisherman’s suplex, and the holding position is slightly different. Anal-retentive, I know, but that’s who I am.
The Big Show makes his way out to address his actions at OTL. Didn’t he already do this on Monday night? He reminds us he was fired a little over a week ago. Most of us have been fired, but he never had, so he didn’t have any choice but to beg. Most of us don’t love our job, but he does. When he lost his dream job, he didn’t know what to do. He had no visible means to support his family. He became very despondent, not being able to sleep or eat. He felt betrayed by his so-called friends in the company, as well as all the fans. Not one person supported him after all his years in the business and all of his accomplishments. “You sold out!” chant breaks, because fans don’t even know what that means. Show did not sell out. After everything he’s done for us, this is the thanks he gets. He realized at that moment that he has no friends. He realized he is alone in this world. Then, he got the call. When you’re drowning, do you really care where the lifeline comes from? So he made a deal. If he helped Ace defeat John Cena, he got his life back. He got a new contract and a big, fat bonus. All Ace had to do was at some point during the match escape from Cena, and it was set. He would drag Ace back to the ring like he wanted revenge. It was just a ruse for Cena. When he threw Ace to Cena, he knew exactly what was going to happen next. With one punch, he knocked Cena out cold. Then, he watched Ace pin Cena for the 1-2-3. At No Way Out, he will do it again. He understands now. The people really never cared about him. Never. Well now, he damn sure doesn’t care about us.
As Show leaves the ring, Kane makes his way out for the main event. The two have a stare-down as they cross paths.
MATCH 7-Triple Threat Match to determine a new #1 contender for the World Championship: Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton
As Kane is doing his in-ring pose, Daniel Bryan appears out of nowhere and beats the unholy hell out of Kane with a steel chair. The crowd is chanting “Yes!” with every shot, even the little kids in the front row. We go to commercials as Bryan is being escorted to the back by referees.
We get another video for Sin Cara’s return next week.
After the break, Kane is still in the ring, and the other two competitors have not come out yet. The referee asks him if he’ll be able to wrestle, and he’s apparently going through with it. Orton starts off with punches on both the heels. ADR attacks from behind, and gets thrown out for his trouble. Kane lands a big boot to Orton, followed by a low dropkick for 2. Kane whips Orton to the corner and follows up with a clothesline. Orton gets the boot up the second time and lands the 3.0 for 2 as ADR breaks it up. ADR stomps Kane before some mounted punches for Orton. Kane hits an uppercut from his knees on ADR, and Orton clotheslines ADR to the floor. Kane then clotheslines Orton to the floor before heading out himself. He rams Orton into the apron, ADR into the barricade. Orton slams Kane into the barricade, then ADR. Kane goes into the table next before dragging Kane into the ring for the suspended DDT, which is blocked by a step-up enziguri by ADR. Commercials.
[adinserter block=”1″]Back from the break, Kane is nailing uppercuts on the other two, getting a 2-count on Orton. Bodyslam on Orton and an elbow drop for 2. Kane goes to the corner where ADR is and hits some punches before ADR kicks the bad arm. He hits the step-up kick to Kane’s shoulder before stomping Orton and getting in a foot choke in the turnbuckle. ADR lands on his feet on the apron off a back drop, but gets sent to the floor with a dropkick. Kane whips Orton into the corner and lands a sidewalk slam for 2. Kane goes up for the clothesline, and ADR once again gets the step-up kick to the shoulder, sending Kane to the floor. He lands some punches on Orton, but misses a kick. Orton fires off some punches, a pair of clotheslines, ducks a clothesline from Kane and hits the powerslam. Powerslam for ADR as well before he sends Kane over the top with a clothesline. Corner clothesline for ADR, followed by some mounted punches. ADR mounts the turnbuckle, but Orton blocks him and hits the suspended DDT from the middle rope. Orton drops to his fists, checks to make sure he didn’t break anything and goes for the RKO. ADR shoves him off, where Kane trips him, drags him to the floor and sends him into the ropes. Kane misses the non-flying clothesline, and ADR looks for the rolling jujigatame. Kane blocks it and hits the chokeslam as Daniel Bryan jumps on the apron with a chair. Kane chases him to the back before he can do any damage, but goes back to the ring. Bryan comes out again, and Kane still decides against it. Orton quickly hits an RKO on Kane, but ADR breaks up the pin and pins Kane himself, getting the 3.
WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Alberto Del Rio. So glad the right man went over here. As ADR is celebrating on the stage, Sheamus clubs him from behind with a forearm to the back of the head before saying he can’t wait to kick his head off at No Way Out.
End of show.
Not a great episode, but not bad, either. I think Del Rio/Sheamus could be a good match. Hopefully, this match sticks this time, and we’re not given a thrown-together multi-man match like at Over the Limit. Although, I admit, the 4-way was enjoyable, I prefer a one-on-one encounter. Sandow is awesome, and Daniel Bryan may just get my vote for “wrestler of the year” for 2012.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.